


The Book of Eli

by ModernElectricity



Series: The Book of Eli [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Deaf/HOH character, Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Character Death, Multi, Mute OFC, Non-Canon Relationship, Other, Past Child Abuse, Past Mentions of Abuse, Polyamory, Possible Asexual Character, Sign Language, Slow Build, Stockholm Syndrome, Three way relationship between main characters, family fic, the rape and underage are non graphic allusions, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2018-08-17 05:53:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 88
Words: 208,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8132827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ModernElectricity/pseuds/ModernElectricity
Summary: Carol reappears at the prison gates with a newcomer in tow just as a battle wages. The stranger's appearance changes the lives of everyone in the camp, especially that of a certain hunter and a certain ex-cop.





	1. A Chance Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so please bear with me, any thoughts are appreciated so shoot me a comment on what you think. I've got quite a bit written but no beta, all mistakes are my own. I don't own the walking dead! Just borrowing their people and places.
> 
> Also! If anyone wants to make fanart, I would be honored to see it. It occurred to me just today that that would be super cool. If you make some, let me know and I'd love to see it. I am pretty new to this whole thing still, so I don't know if you connect stuff to this story or if I do that, but I will figure it out and get that done if you make something!  
> ~ModernElectricity

Rick may have sent her way, but it was Carol’s decision to leave. After she had ended the first people that had gotten sick, she had thought the disease would stop. When it began spreading, she knew she couldn’t stay. The thought of watching the people she cared about falling victim to the illness was unbearable. Since Ed’s death, she had resolved to never feel helpless again. So she had gone.

That was a week ago.

The loneliness had set in after a few days. She would drive for a few hours a day, scouting out possible places to set up camp. When she needed to, she would stop to siphon gas from abandoned vehicles. Every task she completed was done with military precision. Her body tense and eyes watchful for danger.

She slept at night. Carol was meticulous when it came to staying hidden. When she stopped before dusk, she would pull the car off of the road. Using branches and leaves she disguised it from people. Most nights she would hunt down a walker and drag it under the vehicles to mask her smell from the undead.

What Carol hadn’t counted on was the quiet. Having no one to speak to, she rarely used her own voice. At first it had been pleasant. A reprieve from the constant chatter back at the prison. But after a few days of solitude, she began to miss the murmurs that echoed off the concrete walls. Her mind raced through conversations, imaging situations where she would need to speak. Occasionally her thoughts headed towards a darker path. She would think back on Sophia. On what she should have said…

“It’s best not to think about that,” she said to herself aloud.

She had been wandering around the woods for nearly two days. A tire had blown on the car and she’d hidden it as best she could. There had been a lot of supplies in it, but Carol was one woman. She took what she felt she would need the most and locked the rest in the trunk. Deciding to march through the forest probably wasn’t her best idea, but with the car no longer an option, it had seemed like the only plan.  

She snorted derisively,

“Can survive on my own, can hold my own against walkers. Stranded by a simple tire.”

She sighed once and looked towards the sky.

The sun hadn’t quite set yet, but very little light was penetrating the canopy above her and Carol decided now would be a good time to set up camp for the night.

Tightening the straps of her pack, she eyed the lowest branch of the tree before her. Taking a deep breath, Carol jumped and grasped it with two hands before walking her legs up the trunk. She swung one leg over the branch and hoisted herself up. Climbing a bit higher, she kept a wary eye on the ground below for any stray walkers.

Once she was high enough that the dead wouldn’t be able to reach her, she extracted a rope from her pack and tied herself to the tree. Settling in, she shut her eyes and willed herself to rest.

The sun had long since set before she began to doze. While a tree was not the most comfortable thing to sleep in, she found herself slipping into the arms of Morpheus.

\-------------------------------

Carol jerked awake as if slapped and slid her knife from its sheath, gripping it tightly in her hand. She forced herself to breathe shallowly, slowly, as her eyes snapped around, trying to find the source of her unease. Something had woken her, but what? She strained her ears to listen for anything at all, the sound of animals scurrying in the brush, the horrible rasping of a walker, but she heard nothing. Her heart pounded in her chest as she slowly eased herself back against the tree.

“Carol, now is not the time to be scared of your own shadow,” she murmured to herself.

Then she heard it, a soft little wheezing sound.

Carol all but ripped the rope off of her waist as her head snapped up to stare into the dark leaves above her. Something was in the tree with her! Was it a walker, trapped somehow? She paused for a moment to slow her breathing and contemplate the situation.

It couldn’t be a walker, she reasoned, there hadn’t been one in the tree when she had crawled up here. It would have made a lot more noise as soon as she was close enough for it to smell her.

“Who’s there?” she called. “I have a knife, so don’t try anything.”

I also have my gun, she thought, but whoever is in this tree doesn’t need to know that. It was always better to have the upperhand, and concealing a second weapon would give Carol just that.

For several long moments, nothing happened. The shadows above Carol didn’t move and though she listened carefully, she didn’t hear anything else.

“Come down now or I’ll climb up there and get you myself,” she threatened.

Another soft wheezing sound reached Carol’s ears and she readied her knife as a shadow broke away from the darkness where the leaves were thickest.

Slowly, very carefully, the shadow moved from branch to branch until it was just above her.

“Show yourself!” Carol spoke quietly but forcefully.

The shadow seemed to shrink into itself. Carol waited, growing irritated but no longer as worried that this person was a threat. If they were, they would have attacked while she was sleeping.

“I’m going to put away my knife and you’re going to come down here.” Carol said sternly before she slipped her knife back into its sheath.

Once the weapon was out of sight, the shadow moved. From the darkness, a pale, but very dirty foot stretched down to the branch Carol sat upon. A small body followed the foot until a figure crouched before her with its face obscured by a tangle of hair.

“Alright,” she said softly, “who are you?”

At first, the person, whoever they were, didn’t move at all. They actually seemed to freeze as soon as Carol had spoken. She watched very cautiously as the person lifted their face and a large pair of brown eyes stared at her from beneath long lashes.

It was a woman! How old she couldn’t tell in the darkness.

She spoke again,

“What’s your name?”

The girl shrunk into herself and hid her face behind filthy hands.

Carol paused, was she afraid to speak?

“You don’t need to be afraid of me,” she whispered, “I won’t hurt you.”

The girl lowered her hands slowly and opened her mouth as if to speak. Carol waited patiently for an answer from her.

Instead of her name, a soft wheezing sound slipped through her lips and she gestured to her throat. Carol leaned a bit closer and the girl reluctantly lifted her chin a bit to show a ragged scar running from one side of her neck to the other.

Carol almost gasped, almost. Her eyes flickered to meet the girl’s. She was watching Carol with open curiosity. Slowly, the girl moved her hands in front of her and mimed writing.

Carol shook her head and spoke,

“I haven’t got anything for you to write on.”

The girl formed “L” shapes with her hands and moved them in slow circles near her head.

“I don’t know what that means,” Carol spoke softly.

The girl frowned and let out a rasping noise that might have been a sigh and shook her head.

She reached out towards Carol who reacted instinctively and pulled back, knife in hand again.

The girl threw both hands up in a gesture of surrender and shook her head very quickly from side to side.

Carol eyed her warily and slowly extended the hand not holding the knife to the girl.

“I’m going to keep this out for now. At least until I know I can trust you.” She spoke with a tone of finality and the girl nodded once.

Slowly, carefully, the girl held Carol’s hand in her own and gently traced her finger over her palm.

Carol watched her face at first, searching for any sign that she might try to harm her, until the girl gently patted her hand to bring her attention downwards. Bringing her eyes down to rest on their joined hands, she watched as the girl wrote one letter after another onto her open hand.

“E,” Carol spoke aloud to show she understood.

The girl nodded her head frantically and tapped her palm again.

“L.”

“I.”

Carol looked up,

“Eli?”

The girl, Eli, nodded again and beamed at her, gently clapping her hands together before returning them to her own lap.

“So your name is Eli and you can’t talk,” Carol mused.

Eli nodded and signed something quickly with her hands.

“I’m sorry, I still don’t understand.”

She frowned and tapped her chin as if thinking. She pointed at Carol and then made a steeple with her hands.

“Do I have a house?” Carol asked with skepticism.

Eli tilted one hand back and forth to show that she was close.

“Do I have a camp,” Carol clarified.

Eli nodded once in confirmation.

“I used to. I’m not sure anymore,” she mused.

Eli nodded again, this time with sympathy. They both sat on the branch in companionable silence for a few moments. The sun was just beginning to creep through the leaves above them when a noise startled them both.

Eli looked away sheepishly as her stomach rumbled again.

With the light now filtering through, Carol was able to see that Eli was in fact very small. Her skin was ghostly beneath a layer of grime and it seemed to cling to the bones in her face.

“Are you hungry? When did you last eat?”

She shrugged and looked away, embarrassed. Carol pulled her pack open and pulled out a few stale granola bars and some water. She offered it to Eli but she shook her head and pulled back.

“Take it,” Carol urged, “I can always find us more.”

Eli looked at her questioningly and still did not reach for the food. Carol guessed at what she was thinking,

“Well I can’t very well leave you out here alone, now can I?”

Eli’s eyes widened and she drew in a quick breath before launching herself across the short space between the two of them. She wrapped her arms around a startled Carol and held her tight, shaking lightly and humming a bit in the back of her throat. Carol blinked once before returning the hug. With both arms around the girl it was impossible to ignore how thin she was. All of her bones seemed to push through and prod at Carol. She gently pulled away from Eli and looked her in the eyes,

“Now,” she said, “you need to eat. I can’t very well introduce you to the others looking half starved now can I?”

Eli nodded almost frantically and grabbed the offered food and drink. Munching happily on her granola bar, she made an inquisitive noise the came out more like a growl.

“We’ll head back to camp,” Carol supplied, “I have a group of people that will help you. That will keep you safe if I bring you back with me.”

That will let me back in too, hopefully, Carol thought. It didn’t matter if Rick turned her away, she at least needed to get Eli to safety. The girl reminded her too much of Soph- well, of her lost daughter.

Carol shook her head lightly and moved slightly. She winced and Eli froze, turning her head to the side to examine Carol’s posture. She seemed very uncomfortable, Eli decided. Eli gestured down with her granola bar to the ground and grunted softly in question. Carol nodded and started to put away her rope and wiggle about a little on her branch.

“Yes,” she said aloud, “We should get down before we grow into trees ourselves!”

Eli made a soft gasping noise and Carol looked at her in concern. Laughter! She thought, Eli is laughing! Carol smiled and Eli shot her a quick grin in return before stuffing the last of her granola into her mouth.

She gestured to wait and threw her water bottle down to the forest floor as hard as she could. She paused a bit longer with a hand cupped over her ear before she nodded once and swung down to the branches below.

Carol chuckled softly and followed suit. Once they were both on the ground, Carol got her first good look of Eli.

What she hadn’t noticed in the tree was how long Eli’s hair was.

It fell in black tangles all about her shoulders and down to the backs of her thighs. The strands were knotted and matted with debri from the tree and from being outside for so long.

Eli pushed back a thick chunk of her hair and eyed Carol as well. She stood a bit taller than herself, she observed, and had shorn grey hair. Her build was slight but not starved and her clothes were a bit dirty, but otherwise in good repair. Speaking of clothes, she flickered her eyes downwards at her own before looking into Carol’s eyes.

Carol finally stopped staring at Eli’s hair. She moved on to her face and notice how in the sun, Eli’s eyes were shot through with streaks of gold and red, not just brown as she had observed earlier. Her lashes were indeed long and almost sooty in appearance. Her cheekbones were prominent, not just from hunger, and her lips were pale and chapped, but a beautiful shape all the same. Her nose was a bit imperfect, like it had been broken and reset poorly. It was hard to see much else with all of the mud and, was that blood? She dismissed it, putting down walkers was messy work.

Carol’s eyes slid further down. The girl was wearing an overlarge sweater that might have been green once, but had since turned brown with mud and… Carol paused, and no pants.

Her sweatshirt sleeves went far past her fingertips and there was a large hole torn through the left side at her ribs. The hem fell just brushing her knees when she stood at full height and a pair of bony, mud spattered legs extended beneath it. Her legs were scabbed and lightly muscled, maybe from running, she mused. And of course, Carol had noticed before that she wasn’t wearing shoes.

Carol met Eli’s eyes and she looked away ashamed.

“It’s alright,” Carol said, “I have extra clothes back at the car.”

When Rick had sent her on her way, he had made sure she was well equipped. She had hoped to find a place to settle before long. Once the tire had blown, she couldn’t afford to carry all that she had with her. Eli perked up immediately and reached out for Carol’s hand and gestured away from themselves.

Carol smiled softly,

“Let’s get going.”

\-----------------------------

When they returned to the car, Carol sobered at the sight of the flat and sighed. Eli paused beside her and looked at her questioningly. Carol looked down at her and their hands still grasped between them. She patted Eli’s dirty fingers and pulled away.

“I got a flat here a few days ago,” she shook her head. “It would have been nice to drive back to the prison instead of walking.”

Eli mimed a large circle with her arms and held up two fingers.

“I have a spare but,” here Carol paused and looked sideways at Eli, “But I don’t know how to change it.”

Eli smiled and ran over to the driver side. Throwing open the door, she searched for the little latch for the trunk. Once she had pulled it, the trunk clicked open and she busied herself hunting through it for a jack and tire iron.

Carol watched her scurry about in shock. Who would have thought that this tiny wisp of a thing could switch out a tire.

In just a few minutes, the tire had been changed and Eli sat waiting patiently in the passenger seat for Carol to drive them where ever it was she called home. Carol stared in disbelief for a moment and then hurried over to start the vehicle.

“Why don’t you pick some clothes to wear?”

Eli nodded and leaned her seat back. Carefully unbuckling herself she turned around and started to root through the contents of the back seat. She pulled out a pair of dark pants and scrounged about for something for her feet, hopefully shoes.

“You should probably grab yourself a new shirt too,” Carol suggested.

Eli nodded once in agreement. Looking through her options, she turned back to Carol and shook her head, gesturing to her sweater.

“Honey that’s filthy, besides, it’s too hot for sweaters.”

Eli shook her head firmly and tugged at the neck and sleeves of her sweater and gestured to the options in the back.

Oh, understanding dawned on Carol, she doesn’t want a short sleeved shirt. Maybe the scar on her neck wasn’t the only one she had. Carol patted Eli’s knee and said,

“Alright. Well go ahead and get dressed then.”

Eli nodded and bent to pull on a pair of thick socks first and then pushed her feet through the legs of the pants. She frowned when they slid over her hips and pooled in her lap while sitting.

“Oh dear, well we can patch those right up when we get back. Although I bet you’re almost the same size as Beth,” Carol commented. With a quick glance at Eli's feet, a thought dawned on her.

“Oh shoot,” she muttered, “I don’t have any other shoes.”

Eli shrugged and patted her hand. It didn’t matter to her. It would be nice to walk on something other than the ground. Carol sighed and spoke again,

“It took me three days to get the car here, and couple more to find you, but I stopped a few times. We should be able to get back to the prison in about a day and a half if I drive through the night. Here,”

She reached into her pack and extracted a gun,

“Do you know how to shoot one of these?”

Eli nodded. Carol handed it to her,

“I want you to keep this with you at all times. I’m sure you know not to shoot it unless it’s an emergency. We don’t have a lot of bullets and it will attract walkers. Don’t lose it either” she warned.

Eli nodded and yawned widely. It was only just passed midday but she was exhausted. She hadn’t slept the night before having been startled when a strange woman had crawled into her tree. That coupled with all of the walking they had had to do to get back to the car completely wiped her out.

“Why don’t you go lie down in the back,” Carol suggested, her tone soft.

Eli shook her head and pointed to the seat she was in. She nodded once and curled up facing the window. Within moments, she was asleep.


	2. The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Governor invades the prison, things don't look good for Rick's group, especially Darryl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not so hot at summaries, sorry for that! I've got a lot of work to post, so thanks for reading!
> 
> First fic and no beta, all mistakes are mine. Rather non-canon, you'll see. Still following along, just switching out some events

Things were not going as planned back at the prison. 

Rick had barely sent Carol away when all hell began to break lose. After he had told Daryl, he hadn’t spoke one word to Rick. Rick had tried to explain that she had murdered two of their people but Daryl wouldn’t see reason. His eyes showed such betrayal and contempt whenever they crossed paths. Things had gotten steadily worse after that.

His people were just recovering from the sickness when a woman had appeared at the gates with Maggie and Glenn in tow. She was wielding a samurai sword in one hand and held the chains of two walkers without arms or mouths with the other. 

Glenn and Maggie had shouted for Rick to let them in and he had no choice but to obey when walkers began to close in around them. The two chained walkers seemed to act as a deterrent of sorts, but not with all of the noise his people were making. As soon as the first gate shut behind them and the second one opened, the strange woman beheaded her “pets” in one quick swipe.

Glenn was holding up Maggie and calling for Daryl as soon as they were in the prison yard. Maggie clung to Glenn like he was her only lifeline and sought Daryl with her eyes tiredly. Rick kept his python trained on the newcomer. She may have helped out his people, but that didn't mean she was safe. 

Daryl had jogged over and, after shooting a quick glare to Rick, asked,

“What’s up?”

Glenn looked between Rick and Daryl and gestured to the woman,

“This is Michonne, she rescued us when we were on our run. We were attacked.”

Maggie shot Rick an exasperated look and sighed.

"Put it down Rick, she ain't done anything but be kind and helpful. We wouldn't have made it if not for her. We've got bigger fish to fry."

Rick glanced at Michonne and nodded. After he lowered his weapon, she unslung a bag from her shoulder and held it out. Daryl stepped forward to take it. He quickly rifled through it and found formula and diapers.

“Who attacked you, was it walkers?” He asked as he pulled away. Maggie reached out a hand to stop him. 

“Daryl, you have to know, it was him or us,” she began.

“You or who?”

Her hand squeezed his bicep and she pressed her lips together. Glenn answered for her,

“It was Merle, Daryl,” he sighed, “He came at Maggie, surprised us both. He’s got some kind of blade mounted on the stump where his hand was, cut Maggie pretty bad.”

Glenn gestured to Maggie’s leg where the pants were ripped open and a wound was bleeding sluggishly. Daryl paled.

“It was Merle?” he questioned.

“I’m sorry, we didn’t have a choice.” Maggie swayed when Daryl pulled his arm away from her grasp.

For a moment, he didn't say anything, just chewed on his thumbnail and stared at the ground. With a heavy sigh, he said roughly,

“You should go see your dad, he’ll patch you up. I gotta get this bag to Lil’ Asskicker.”

He cleared his throat and sniffed loudly before turning away and walking back to the prison.

Michonne called to his retreating back,

“He said the Governor made him do it. Said he threatened to find you and kill you if he didn’t follow orders,” she paused. "For what it's worth, he didn't suffer, and he won't come back."

Daryl paused for a moment and nodded sharply before trudging on.

\----------------------------------------------

It wasn’t long before the Governor had come looking for his lieutenant. He had shown up with no warning at all with all of his townspeople and two vans full of walkers to attack. 

The battle had been horrendous, Rick’s people just barely recovered from the horrendous sickness that had swept through their prison walls. They were down several good men and still mourning the loss of several children they’d taken in. On the other hand, the governor’s people were convinced that they had murdered their top soldier and that Rick was planning on overthrowing their leader. It was hardly going to be a fair fight.

When the vans had smashed down a section of fence, everyone thought the prison was lost. Walkers had poured into the yard, drawn by the gunfire and smell of fresh blood. 

Michonne had been the one to turn the tide, cutting down the people that tried to enter the prison. She hadn’t been here long, but she damn well wasn’t going to sit by idly while her new home was destroyed. Any walker that got too close was run through with her sword. The rest of the group rallied behind her and defended their home and the children inside. 

Cold fury swept through Rick at the thought of his Carl, his  _ baby _ , being shot by these people. An image of Judith being devoured by the dead drove Rick to attack without mercy. These people would not survive. These people didn’t deserve to live, not after they had threatened his family. 

Daryl shot down those in his path with his crossbow with dispassionate efficiency. Sorrow and guilt rose in his chest as he thought of his brother. Merle had never been kind, but he had been blood. And a Dixon always looks out for his kin. His grief was replaced by an all consuming rage. Daryl couldn’t protect Merle, but he could avenge him. Putting down walkers and people alike with renewed energy, he paused when he caught sight of a man.

He stood tall and proud, watching Daryl’s people scurry around like mice before him. He wore a sadistic smile and fired on anyone that got too close. This was the man that had controlled his brother. This was the man that ordered him to hurt his people,  _ his family _ . This was the man that sentenced his brother to his death. 

So consumed by his vendetta, Daryl missed movement from his left until it was almost too late. He tried to dive away but the bullet was faster. It ripped through his calf like white lightning and burned as he fell. He fired his last arrow through the eye of the woman who shot him, her head snapping back with the force of it. 

Exhausted, he lay on his back, delirious with pain until a shadow crossed his face. Cracking open his eyes, he looked up in defeat at the grinning face of the Governor. The Governor lowered his boot to Daryl’s mangled leg and pushed hard.

“So, you must be the redneck brother Merle talked so much about,” he grinned wider at Daryl’s strangled cries.

“You know,” he said, “he agreed to do anything as long as I wouldn’t hurt you. He thought you were weak, that you needed to be protected. And you know what, I think he was right.”

He pushed his foot down even harder and Daryl screamed.

“I’m going to show everyone here exactly what you’re made of,” he shouted for all to hear.

Stepping back, he wrapped his fingers in Daryl’s greasy hair and dragged him onto his knees, forcing him to face the prison. 

“Drop your weapons!” the Governor demanded, “Drop them or I will blow his fucking brains out!”

Rick hesitated for a moment before calling out to his people,

“Put them down everyone,” to the Governor he said, “It doesn’t have to be like this. You can let him go and you can walk away.”

Rick lifted his hands into the air. Maggie took a step forward,

“Please!” she begged, “Let him go, we won’t go after you! Just don’t hurt Daryl.”

Daryl was dizzy with blood loss and the gun pressed to his skull made matters worse but he could have sworn he heard genuine fear in Maggie’s voice. A traitorous thought crossed his mind that they might actually care about what happened to him. He absentmindedly shook his head. Immediately the muzzle was lifted and brought down again sharply over the back of his skull. Head spinning he hissed out,

“Don’t worry about me none. Y’all just put a bullet in his brain.”

Maggie shook her head with tears in her eyes and turned away from the image before her, pressing her face into Glenn’s chest. 

“Please,” Glenn whispered, staring hard at the men. 

The Governor grinned,

“Say byebye.”

A shot rang out.

Daryl fell forward into the mud and rolled to his side. His blurry eyes focused for just a moment on a girl haloed by the sun with long dark hair. Before his vision went black, he saw the muzzle of her smoking gun and her hand opening and closing at the still form of the Governor.

Byebye. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know how I'm doing, I'm already pumped that some people are reading this
> 
> Thanks guys!


	3. Meet and Greet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan is hatched to repair the damage done by the Governor's people, and Eli finds herself in an interesting predicament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter I'm afraid, next one should be a lot longer. Some of these are going to be short, some long, it depends on what I've written and places I think it would be a good idea to stop. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me!

Rick stared open mouthed at this newcomer before his brain kicked into gear.

“Drop your weapon!” He shouted.

Instantly the group’s guns were back in their hands and aimed at the girl.

She tilted her head sideways and shook her head slowly, pulling it towards her chest. 

“I said drop it!” Rick snarled.

She shook her head again and cradled it to her chest. Slowly, she crouched down and wrapped herself around it.  Rick stomped over to her, and pressed the muzzle of his python to her head. She didn’t move.

“I said,” he spit, “drop your gun.”

A minute head shake again and he pulled back the hammer.

“Wait!” 

Maggie looked up,

“Carol!” 

“Rick put down your gun, that’s Eli, she’s with me.”

He slowly lowered his gun, still not quite trusting the petite woman. Eli peaked up at him with her doe-like eyes and then signed something quickly. Carol rushed to stand in front of the younger woman, protecting her with her body. Rick frowned and addressed her,

“What’s she doing? Why didn’t she say anything when I told her to put down her weapon? I could have shot her Carol.”

Carol was about to answer when Eli tugged at her pant leg sharply and gestured to Daryl. She made “L” shapes again but this time pointed them towards each other and moved her hands over Daryl’s leg.

“Daryl? Oh my god, Daryl!” Carol gasped, “We need to get him to Hershel before we discuss this!”

Rick reluctantly nodded, still not trusting the petite woman, and called over some men to help move him. Carol gave Rick a meaningful look that promised a world of pain if he wouldn’t let Eli stay.

“Alright,” he said, “but she needs to stay in a cell, away from the kids.”

Eli kept herself under control but twitched slightly at the mention of children. She wanted to prove she wasn’t a threat otherwise they might not let her stay. Carol gently eased the young woman to her feet.  At Rick’s nod, Sasha reached out and tried to grab Eli’s arm. Eli shied away, flinching, and Sasha drew back, alarmed. Eli turned slowly to Carol, handing her her gun very carefully. Carol took it and nodded. Then she turned back towards the group and gestured for Sasha to lead onwards. 

Rick watched the exchange with mild curiosity. Once Daryl and the two women were out of sight, he turned and addressed his people.

“Glenn, I need you to drive the RV over and block the downed fence until we can patch it.”

“Got it,” Glenn ran off to get the keys.

“Axel, Oscar, you two are with me. We’re gonna have to try and find a way to secure that area better. Michonne, can you cover us?”

Michonne nodded and unsheathed her sword again. 

“We can set up some more spear barricades, stop them before they can get in,” Axel suggested.

“Yeah, and we can use some of the tables from the dining hall to block the gaps,” Oscar chimed in.

“Good, that’s good thinking. Let’s get to it.” He raised his voice slightly, “I know you’re tired, we’re all tired, but we have work to do before we can rest. The rest of you, clear the yard as best you can. Burn the dead. If you find any survivors, put them in the empty block until Hershel or I can talk to them. We don’t know what kind of people they are, they could just be scared. The Governor probably brainwashed them into thinking we’re the bad guys. Don’t give them a reason to believe him.”

The group nodded and split off to start repairing the prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoot me a comment if you like or dislike anything, Eli get's fleshed out a bit more in the next chapter so you'll really get an idea on who she is


	4. Eli's Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli finds herself locked up in the prison and contemplates how her day had gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Hoping you'll like it!
> 
> I don't own the walking dead
> 
> -italics- means sign language, I'll post for a reminder for things like this throughout the story

After the woman had locked her in, Eli took a moment to assess the situation. She knew she was in a prison, and that there were quite a few people here. She hadn’t seen them yet, but she had heard the tall man with the cowboy boots say that there were children here. The man made her a little uncomfortable. His stare seemed to penetrate her soul, his eyes were like two chips of ice and they froze her limbs and made her slow. She had meant to put down the gun, really she had, but he had frightened her and then she was frozen, trapped in his gaze. 

She sighed, and then frowned when a rasping sound escaped her throat instead. Gently clearing it, wincing when she felt her scars pull, she leaned back once more against the cell wall. 

Aside from the scary man, what had Carol called him? She couldn’t remember. Maybe just Iceman for now. Aside from the Iceman, the woman who brought her to this cell, and Carol, she had seen a beautiful woman with a long sword, an Asian man who seemed to have hidden strength, and a woman with soft eyes. Eli liked her as soon as she saw her. Someone with eyes that gentle would not hurt her. She wasn’t so sure about the other women, except of course Carol, so she would keep an eye on them. 

She sighed again. That really wasn’t very fair of her, to be wary of people who, so far, hadn’t done more harm than put her behind bars. Knowing that there were kids, she couldn’t blame them. She hadn’t seen a child since this all started and she could admit to herself that she wouldn’t mind seeing one now. She had run into more than a few people, but she mostly kept her distance. It was hard to convince people that you meant no harm when you couldn’t speak. 

And then, she thought, and then there was Daryl. 

Eli had been watching from the woods. She and Carol had heard the gunfire and pulled the car off the road a mile or so away from the prison. Together they had run through the forest until they could see the fighting. Carol had told her to wait and she meant to. Carol had to have a plan and it probably involved picking off the intruders from the trees judging by the direction she ran off to. Eli really had meant to stay, but fate forced her hand.

\--------------------------------------

She watched the people, Carol’s people, doing their best to hold off the attackers, but they looked sick, weak, and their resolve had been crumbling. They sent quick glances to the fence that had been brought down during the assault and the walkers streaming in and it looked like their will to fight had dried up. Eli almost ran out then, but the katana wielding woman had beaten her to it. The woman had danced through the battle, flowing like water and dispatching any who stood in her way. She defended the door to the prison and the rest followed her. She watched as the Iceman’s eyes burned like blue fire, cold, but so hot. He ended all those in his path with a sure shot to the head. 

He must have military training, Eli thought. Even in his fury he was controlled. 

Her eyes scanned the area again and she saw an Asian man and a woman with eyes like steel stand back to back and fire against the oncoming horde of dead and living. When their bullets ran out, they threw down their guns and pulled out knives. They covered each other and moved like they were one being. The woman’s eyes had rested for a moment on the man and softened ever so slightly. Eli couldn’t imagine trusting anyone so completely, they moved together by instinct.

The man looked composed but anything but calm. His eyes shot left and right as he took down one target after another, always looking for the next assailant. He had one arm outstretched, defending the woman he was with, almost subconsciously. Eli thought they were beautiful together, like yin and yang, moving effortlessly around each other, with equal parts focus and passion burning in their eyes. 

She tore her eyes from the two when she heard a growl from behind her. She spun around just as a walker reached her and backed away. Frantically, Eli considered her options. She had the gun but using it would draw attention to her. Eli kept walking backward, almost to the treeline, with her eyes searching the ground for a weapon she could use, anything but the gun. 

Seeing nothing but the trees around her, her mind panicked. If she shot this walker, she would draw more and she wasn’t sure how many bullets she had. She couldn’t risk drawing more walkers to the prison, the people there were nearly overrun. Making a decision, she shoved the barrel of the gun into her mouth and put her finger on the trigger. She glanced up briefly, trying to prepare herself for the end when her eyes snagged on a low hanging branch. With renewed resolve, she bit down harder on the gun and jumped. 

Just as the walker dove forward she pulled herself up, onto the branch and watched it fall. As soon as it connected with the ground, Eli dropped down on top of it and crouched on its back. It struggled to turn over, trying to reach its prey and Eli watched, emotionlessly. This wasn’t a person anymore. She knew that, but it was still hard to put them down. They deserved more dignity. Much more than this one was about to get. 

Strengthening her resolve, Eli pulled the gun from her lips and held onto the barrel. She brought the butt of the gun down on the walker’s head again and again until the thing stopped moving. Breathing heavily, she looked up again to the battle still being waged and her eyes were drawn to a man who seemed to be flying across the yard. She stood slowly and edged out of the forest to see better.

Her eyes followed his path and she felt her heart speed up with each step he took. Every time someone stepped in front of him, he put them down with a sure thrust of his knife. If someone took aim at one of his people he lifted his crossbow and fired a bolt. Not once did he pause, his eyes were locked on one man. 

Eli turned her eyes to the second man. She shivered at the sight of him. He stood tall, a few inches more the six feet, over a foot taller than Eli was and he had an eyepatch. She thought fleetingly that whoever took that eye should have taken the other as well. He stood taller than all of the people around him and he looked down on them like they were nothing. He fired his gun into the crowd without prejudice, not caring if he hit some of his own people. Her eyes widened, he thinks they are expendable! 

Eli quickly turned back to the first man, he was moving faster now, almost running towards the evil looking man. Eli wanted to cry out when she saw a woman level her gun at him. She wanted to scream and warn him about her, as he was clearly focused on the other man. But she couldn’t. Her throat closed over her words. So she started to run.

She burst from the treeline like a bullet, a dark blur that moved too quickly for any walkers to grab for. She dodged around people engaged in combat, eyes only for the man with the crossbow. When the woman fired a bullet into his leg, Eli froze. Unable to move at all, she watched him fall. In a fog, she pressed forward again. It felt like running underwater. Her gun was lifted to put an end to this woman, but the man beat her to it. She watched him shoot the woman and fall back, dazed. 

Eli exhaled but continued forward, her legs protesting with each step she took. She watched the evil man drag the other man up, heard him scream when his leg was crushed. She crept along behind them, listened as he demanded the others surrender, as he threatened to kill this man. She watched them put down their guns, heard them plead for their friend. But the tall man would not listen. She stood behind him and leveled her gun. 

The Asian man looked at her, and she knew he was speaking to her,

“Please,”

She nodded and pulled back the hammer. 

“Say byebye,”

She squeezed the trigger. 

_ -Byebye.- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go!


	5. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli wakes up in a prison cell and meets a few of Carol's people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Panic attack
> 
> Sign language is -italics-
> 
> Writing is in bold
> 
> I don't think there's either in this chapter, but FYI
> 
> I hope you like it!

Eli shook herself from the dream. She opened her mouth in the phantom of a yawn and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.  When she opened them, shock doused her like a bucket of ice. 

It hadn’t been a dream. She was still locked in a cell and last she knew, she hadn’t done anything illegal so it must have all happened. 

She looked wildly about and her eyes came to rest on a figure. Carol was here!  She stood up and swayed slightly, Carol was on her feet immediately.

“Oh sweetie, just look at you.” Carol frowned.

“Have they given you anything to eat or drink?”

Eli frowned and shook her head. She tapped her wrist in question.

Carol sighed,

“You’ve been asleep for about a day now. This all must have really taken it out of you, I’m sorry you had to come back to this, usually we are in much better shape.”

Carol smiled weakly,

“I spoke to Rick, he’s sort of our leader. He’s rightfully cautious with newcomers but I told him about how I found you and that you haven’t tried anything with me. Either he or Hershel will be by at some point to interview you, just to be sure you’re safe. And then we can get you out this cell and introduce you to everyone. Hows that sound?”

Eli smiled at Carol and nodded enthusiastically.

“Anyways, I’m going to go get you something to eat and some water, okay?”

Eli reached out through the bars and caught Carol’s hand. She turned back and raised an eyebrow in question.

Eli signed quickly - _ how’s the man?- _

“Honey I don’t know what that means.”

Eli was frustrated and mimed paper and pencil. Carol nodded,

“I’ll bring back some of that too.”

Eli nodded reluctantly. Carol patted her hand and walked away. She slowly sat back down and leaned against the wall. In moments, she was asleep again.

\--------------------------------

When she woke up again, it was dark in the prison. Her eyes strained in the emptiness and her breathing sped up. Eli really didn’t like to be alone in the dark. She would panic and flash back to before. To, well, she reached up and caressed her neck softly. She just didn’t like the dark.

Trying to distract herself, she began to hum a tune, the sound cracking and rumbling, turning to growls and the whisper of air in places. She wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth, eyes wide and pupils blown to try and take in any light at all. 

She felt her throat constricting, pulling tighter and she began to cough. Breathy, hoarse coughs forced their way out of her throat and into the darkness. She tried to catch her breath and wheezed, trying to force in air while she choked. Tears started to run down her face and she curled in a ball, trying to breathe and hyperventilating instead. 

So consumed by her terror, she didn’t hear footsteps approaching or the sound of keys being jangled. The door to her cell slid open and she felt someone’s hands reach out and stroke her face.  She jerked back away from the touch and opened her eyes wide. Someone was here with her, someone was here and she couldn’t see them and she didn’t know if they were safe. Panic clawed its way up her throat and she whimpered. 

The hands were back now, tentative, just petting her hair, and words were being whispered in front of her. Gulping in air, she tried desperately to focus on what was being said, on who was talking. 

“That’s it. There’s a good girl, deep breaths now. In...1...2...3, Out...1...2...3. There you go, breathe with me.”

Eli focused on the voice and did her best to match her breaths. She felt the hand brushing over her hair and the one resting on her chest. 

“Okay, okay darlin’, can you look at me now?”

Eli shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She felt arms pull her into a lap. 

“Okay, that’s alright, we’ll get there. Breathe for me again darlin’. What’s got you so upset?”

She shook her head again. Harder this time and clutched the shirt under her hand. 

“Dad?”

She startled hard as another voice sounded from the other side of the cell. She lost her rhythm and her breathing became short again. The arms that held her safe felt like a cage suddenly and she pushed away, scrambled back from them. She huddled against the wall and panted. 

“Carl, I thought I told you to stay with your sister.”

It was the Iceman! Eli whimpered again.

“She seems really scared dad, I could hear her from our cell, and Judith can’t sleep either.”

When she heard her name, the little girl cooed gently. Eli sniffled, terror momentarily distracted and lifted her head a tiny bit. 

She heard some shuffling,

“Carl-”

“It’s fine dad, let me do this.”

She felt a smaller body slide down beside her.

“I’m Carl,” the body said, “That’s my dad, Rick, and this is Judith.”

Suddenly Eli had her arms full of a bubbly baby. 

“Carl! I don’t think-” Rick began.

“Shh, I know what I’m doing dad, and besides, Judith wouldn’t let anyone bad touch her.”

Eli’s breath caught in her throat and she felt a small hand pat her face. Little fingers reached around and felt her eyes and ears, ghosting over her mouth and squeezing her nose gently. Startled, Eli sneezed. The baby, Judith, let out a little shriek of joy and clapped her pudgy hands together. 

“She likes you,” Carl said quietly.

Eli nodded and then remembered that Carl couldn’t see her and patted his arm softly. Carl reached out and grabbed one of her hands. 

“It’s okay you know,” he started. Leaning closer he whispered, “sometimes I get scared of the dark too.”

Her eyes widened and she squeezed his hand gently. Silence filled the cell as Judith drifted off to sleep again, snuggled into Eli’s chest. She absentmindedly stroked Judith’s downy hair.

“Is that what happened?”

Eli startled again and Carl squeezed her hand again to show he was there for her. 

“Dad, speak softer, you’ll wake Judith.”

Eli shot him a grateful look, even though he couldn’t see it and settled down again.

“How come you aren’t saying anything? We don’t even know your name. I know my boy and Judith seem to trust you, and I trust them, but I’d feel better if you could answer some questions,” Rick tried to ask gently.

Eli squeezed Carl’s hand one last time and let go. She reached out for Rick instead and found his fingers. They were rough and callused, he must do a lot with his hands, she thought. He instantly closed his around hers but she just brought his hand to her neck. She squeezed his palm to open his fingers and lightly touched them to the scar tissue that hid beneath her sweater. The pads of his fingers grazed it tentatively before he pulled back quickly. Instinctively, Eli pulled the collar up a bit higher to hide it and curled tighter around Judith. 

Sensing her discomfort, Carl reached for her hand again and said sharply,

“Dad!”

Judith stirred a bit but Eli rumbled deep in her chest and she settled again. 

“I-I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting it is all.”

Eli squeezed Carl’s hand and nodded in the dark, lightly tapping her foot to show that she had heard him. 

Carl wasn’t sure what had just transpired but he didn’t feel right asking now. The woman seemed uncomfortable again and he didn’t want her to panic with his unnecessary questions. 

“The sun will be up in a few hours,” he said instead.

Eli gripped his hand tightly before forcing herself to relax her hold again. He rubbed his thumb over her fingers.

“We can stay with you until then, right dad?” the way he said it left no room for argument.

Rick bit back a sigh and said, 

“Alright, but no sleeping on the floor, there are two bunks in here and we are gonna use them.”

Carl tugged on Eli’s hand gently. 

“Which bed do you want? And who do you want to sleep with, there’s four of us and only two beds so we will have to share.”

Eli shivered as she stood and swayed heavily, clutching Judith to her chest tightly in case she fell. She felt arms reach out to steady her, one hand sliding to her forehead to check for a fever. 

“You don’t feel sick, what’s the matter?”

Eli made a ‘W’ with her fingers and tapped her chin and then pinched her thumb and first finger together and tapped her lips. 

“I can’t really see you and I don’t understand what that means,” Rick sighed.

Eli grabbed his hand and placed it over her stomach which rumbled at the touch. She pulled his hand back to her face and poked out her tongue. Stealing herself, she lightly tapped his finger to her tongue and pulled back. He tasted like soap, she thought. 

“You’re hungry?”

She nodded and remembered he couldn’t see and tapped him twice.

“Probably thirsty too dad,” Carl added, “I’ll go get her some water and something to eat.”

“Thanks Carl, hurry back now, you need some sleep.”

The pair listened as he headed down the darkened hall.

Eli gulped. The room seemed much darker without Carl. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoot me a comment! If you'd like, I'm probably gonna say that for every chapter, but just cuz it's my first fic!


	6. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Eli get to know each other, a little bit of family fluff thrown in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language  
> bold is writing
> 
> Eli is very tactile since she can't talk, her touchy feely-ness is how she best communicates so that's why she may seem a little forward.

Carl ran off. He had been so scared when he heard the coughing, it sounded like the sickness that had traveled through the prison only a weeks before. He had grabbed Judith and run off after his father. Carl had found him at the cell and could just make out the shape of him and the newcomer huddled together. He felt horrible when he spoke and shattered the calm. She seemed very kind though, even if he didn’t know her name and he was glad she was here. She was afraid of the dark too, just like him. He had to hurry back with water for her though, and maybe a bottle for Judith. 

When he made it to the kitchen, he found Beth there already with a few candles lit. 

“Hey Carl,” she smiled at him from where she was making up a bottle.

“I was just going to bring this to your dad, do you wanna walk with me?”

Carl shook his head,

“Dad’s not in our cell, the newcomer was having a panic attack and he went to go help her. I took Judith and went too. She’s okay now, but she needs water and maybe something to eat. Can you help me?”

“Oh, of course!” Beth nodded, “There’s some cans of beans over there, if it’s been too long, she won’t be able to eat a lot, but make sure she drinks a full bottle of water, even just small sips.”

Carl smiled at her, he really liked Beth,

“How do you know all that stuff?”

“Daddy taught me, it’s important to know that sort of thing now so he told me and Maggie.”

Carl grabbed a can of beans and spied some fruit cocktail as well. Glancing at Beth he asked,

“Is it alright if I bring her this as well?”

Beth waved her hand and winked at him, 

“I didn’t see a thing.”

Carl smiled and thanked her once more before grabbing everything. He was almost out of the door when Beth tapped his shoulder,

“I thought you might like this,” she whispered and handed him a candle and a few matches. He beamed up at her gratefully.

“Thank you, this means a lot.”

\---------------------------------------

As soon as Carl had left, Eli’s fear returned. She pushed Judith into Rick’s arms and and huddled down onto the floor in a corner. She was dizzy and it was dark and she wasn’t sure that she felt safe with Rick, even though he seemed very kind to his children. She was not his child, or anybody’s child for that matter, and she didn’t want to upset him. 

“Hey,” he whispered, “Why’re you down on the floor darlin’?”

Eli sniffed once and shook her head. 

Rick leaned over one of the cots and laid Judith down on it carefully. Once she was secure and the blanket had been pushed around her like a nest, he crouched before the girl. He wished he knew her name, it would probably be much easier to calm her if he did.

“How about you come up here and pick which bed you want, how’s that sound?”

Eli looked at him hesitantly. He reached out a hand to her and held still when he heard her gasp.

“It’s alright, this is in case you want to ‘say’ something or you need help getting up, okay?”

Eli carefully placed her hand in his and tugged down on it. He misunderstood and went down to his knees before her. She let out a little gasping laugh and patted his hand before nudging him up. 

“Oh! I’m sorry,” he began, he hadn’t realized she meant for him to help her up. She let out that little gasp again and patted his arm. Carefully, Rick pulled Eli up and steadied her. 

“Which bed darlin’, nobody’s gonna hurt you here. You gotta share so your choices are Judith,” he gestured to the still figure,

“Or you can have this bed with me or Carl.”

Eli tensed up for a moment and Rick rushed on,

“I promise you no one is going to do anything. I understand if you don’t trust me and you would rather have Carl, but you gotta make sure he’s okay with that. He usually sleeps with Judith. He’s afraid that she’ll, well,” Rick paused, “I’m not sure what he thinks but he always sleeps with her.”

Eli yawned widely and patted Rick’s hand. Rather than giving an answer, she lay down on the empty bed and faced the wall. Rick stood frozen in between the two beds, unsure what to do. 

“Darlin’ did you make a choice?” he whispered.

He waited in the silence but all he heard was soft breathing. He sighed before heading towards Judith’s bed. Carl was gonna be right upset with him when he gets back, Rick thought. 

Just as he was about to sit down, there was a soft pat from the other bed. Rick turned back and looked hard through the darkness at the girl’s dark form. The patting sound came again and Rick smiled a little. Well, he thought, at least she trusts I won’t hurt her in her sleep. With that in mind he crawled onto the small cot and lay beside her, not touching her and not moving at all. Her breath was just beginning to even out when Rick saw a light coming down the hallway. He tilted his head up and watched Carl come into the cell with a bottle for Judith and some food and water for the girl.

“Beth gave me a candle too, I think it will help her,” he whispered.

“I think you’re right Carl, I’ll wake her up and get her to drink at least, why don’t you feed Judith.”

Carl nodded and headed over to his little sister. She was just beginning to fuss for her feeding. 

Rick debated sitting up to wake the girl up but thought better of it. If he was in a strange place, he wouldn’t like someone looming over him when he woke up. Rolling onto his side instead, he gently brushed his fingers over the hand closest to him.

“Darlin’,” he murmured, “you gotta wake up and drink something, maybe eat a little.”

Eli whined and grunted softly, swatting at his hand. Rick turned to where Carl was feeding Judith and chuckled softly. Carl grinned back at him and flipped Judith over to burp her. 

“Darlin’, sit up a bit, I’ll do all the work for you,” Rick was bargaining and not quite sure it would work, but the woman really did need to drink, two days without water was not good.

Grumbling softly in the back of her throat, Eli pulled herself into a semi-erect position and glared at Rick. 

He chuckled again and handed her the water bottle.

“I want you to drink most of this before you go back to sleep. We have some beans for you too.”

“I also got you some fruit,” Carl added, “and Beth gave me candle too!”

Eli’s eyes widened when she realized it was no longer dark in the small cell. Scrambling over Rick’s lap, she all but fell over him to reach Carl and wrap him up in her arms. Squeezing him tight, she kissed his head gently once, and then Judith’s before returning to Rick. Carl blushed and lay down with Judith quickly, turning away from them in the process. 

Eli looked at Rick inquisitively. Rick laughed softly,

“You’re probably the only woman to kiss him, even if it was just his forehead.”

She shot him a quick grin and then shrugged, looking away embarrassed. Sensing her discomfort, Rick changed the subject.

“Alright darlin’, you oughta drink this water and-”

As soon as her eyes caught sight of the water, Eli had snatched the bottle from his hands and twisted the cap off. Once it was open, she poured it into her mouth, guzzling like she hadn’t had a thing to drink in weeks, not just a couple of days. 

Rick stared for a moment, stunned, before he shook himself and pushed the water bottle away from her mouth.

“Hey, slow down now. Ain’t nobody’s gonna take it so you just sip it slow alright? If you drink it too quick, you might get sick.”

Eli nodded and returned the bottle to her lips. Under Rick’s watchful eye, she took a small mouthful and returned the bottle to her lap. Waiting a moment, she brought her hand to her mouth and tapped her lips. 

“You did that before too, you have water so you want food now?” Rick tried to clarify.

Eli nodded her head frantically and her stomach let out a deep growl. Rick reached over and held out the two cans,

“Which do you want?”

Eli considered for a moment before reaching out for the fruit. Rick nodded and reached for his knife. Eli eyed him cautiously and, noticing her concern, Rick simply said,

“That’s a good choice, I gotta open it up for you and I don’t think you have a knife. You seemed to give up your gun to Carol pretty easy and you don’t seem to be the type to hide anything.”

She nodded in agreement and watched him carefully remove the lid of the can and wipe the blade on his pants. When he handed her the fruit, she almost dumped it straight into her mouth, but Rick caught her eye and gave her a meaningful look. Slowly, she reached into the juice and extracted a piece of fruit. Under Rick’s watchful eye she slid the fruit between her lips and closed her eyes in ecstasy. 

Rick smiled at her softly,

“Like it?”

She nodded happily and popped another piece into her mouth. Rick watched her alternate between drinking from her bottle and munching on the fruit, being sure she didn’t go too fast. About three quarters of the way through the can, Eli stopped and patted her stomach. She was full! It had been a long time since she had felt full and it was wonderful. Smiling, she offered the remaining fruit to Rick. 

“That’s alright darlin’,” he placed it on the floor near their cot, “I’m not hungry just yet. It’s still a ways before breakfast time.”

She nodded in understanding and yawned widely again, suddenly drained. Rick chuckled and gently pressed her down. 

“I’m gonna blow out the candle now, we can’t leave it burning, it would be a waste.”

Eli tensed beside him and fear showed in her eyes again. Rick sighed and extended his hand to her.

“I’m not going anywhere, why don’t you hold my hand until you fall asleep, that way you know I’m here. Nothing’s gonna hurt you in here darlin’.”

She reached for his hand and held it tight, nodding for him to blow out the light. Rick leaned over and she squeezed her eyes shut. She heard him exhale and the light behind her eyelids disappeared. There was some rustling and she felt Rick turn on his side, facing her and get comfortable. 

Still a bit unsure, Eli made a soft sound in the back of her throat. Rick’s thumb rubbed over the back of her hand and he whispered softly,

“I’m right here. Sleep now, I’ll keep you safe.”

Eli curled up around their joined hands and rested her forehead against his chest. Rick brought his free hand to rest above her head and rested his arm against her back, making her a cocoon with his body. 

“You alright?”

He felt her nod and he relaxed. 

“Good night darlin’,” he whispered one last time. 

Just as he was falling asleep, he felt her lift her head and press a kiss to the underside of his chin. 

Goodnight, she thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far I have 40000 words in this fic written, they should all be up today, but give me time, I have to adult in between chapters. After that I will be posting updates weekly. 
> 
> If anyone wants to beta for me, let me know! I think I do a decent job of catching my mistakes, but who knows!
> 
> Comment if you'd like! Every time my hit count goes up I get super excited!!


	7. Cleaning Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dunno, a little bit of fluff and joyfulness
> 
> Along with a chance meeting!

Carol got up just after the sun the next morning. She had planned to bring Eli some food and water last night, but when she had returned to the cell, Eli was fast asleep. Rather than wake her, she obviously needed rest, Carol had turned around and headed back to the kitchen. 

Now though, it was daytime and Eli needed to eat. Carol had run out of food on their trip back to the prison and she didn’t think Eli had eaten in the days before they had met. She had never seen anyone eat a granola bar with such enthusiasm. Humming softly to herself, Carol headed to the kitchen and whipped up a little oatmeal and grabbed a water bottle. When she turned around to head out, she almost ran straight into a half asleep Carl who was carrying a very awake Judith.

“Carl! I didn’t even hear you come in,” mentally berating herself. She smiled all the same at the two children she had grown to love.

Carl cleared his throat,

“Don’t worry, you aren’t going soft, Daryl’s been teaching me how to walk softer. Said if I did a good job he might take me hunting.”

Carol smiled, thinking of her usually sullen friend.

“Well that will have to wait until his leg heals up a bit, but keep practicing!”

With that the two parted ways and she headed towards Eli’s cell. 

Nearing it, she was surprised to see Rick sitting up and looking back at her. Pausing in the doorway, she laughed softly when he gestured helplessly towards the woman curled up in his lap.

“She’s been asleep this whole time,” he whispered, “Anytime I try to move, she squeezes me harder.”

Carol laughed outright at that and Rick’s expression turned to discomfort,

“Shh!” He whispered, “She just squeezed again and Carol I really need to pee.”

Carol chuckled once more and stepped into the room.

“Eli,” she called, “It’s time to wake up. I have some food here for you and as much as Rick loves being your teddy bear, he needs to use the bathroom.”

Eli stirred slowly, burrowing her face into Rick’s hip and then uncurling from him like a cat. Yawning widely she looked blearily at Carol and then at Rick. For a solid ten seconds, she just shifted her gaze between the two of them without really seeing them. And then, quite comically, her eyes widened and she reached both hands between her legs and wiggled around. 

Carol laughed loudly and Rick started to before wincing,

“Carol! Don’t make me laugh! It hurts to laugh!”

“Why don’t you follow Rick, Eli, he knows where the bathrooms are.”

Eli nodded her head frantically and scrambled over Rick. He groaned as her knee connected with his stomach and then quickly stood and grabbed her hand.

“Let’s go before we burst!”

Rushing out of the cell with Eli hot on his heels they headed towards the bathrooms.

Carol shook her head at the sight of them. Glancing down, she noticed the almost empty can of fruit and smiled. At least Eli had eaten something, and judging by her wiggling, she had also had something to drink. Carol put down the water and oatmeal and went off to find Hershel. She wanted to talk to him about a nutrition plan for Eli, she had been starved for too long and probably wouldn’t be able to eat all that much. They would need to work her up to full meals. 

\--------------------------

Eli trailed after Rick, huffing slightly with laughter. Rick glanced back to check on her and smiled at the expression on her face. 

Coming to halt he bowed at the waist and swept his arm towards the stalls,

“Here you are, my fair lady,” he mimicked a British accent.

Eli let out a giggle that came out as a gasp and curtsied her sweater to him before marching into a stall with her nose held high in the air. Rick laughed aloud and headed into the next stall. 

Once they had both finished, they rinsed their hands in a bucket of water resting on the counter. Turning to Rick, Eli scuffed her feet. 

“What is it darlin’,” Rick asked softly.

Eli gathered her resolve and looked him in the eye. Reaching up, she grabbed a hunk of her hair and mimed washing it. Raising an eyebrow, she waited to see if Rick understood.

Rick understood alright. He and the others were a bit used to smelling and being dirty from the time before they found the prison, but now that they were here, they bathed regularly. Gesturing again grandly, he spoke in a snooty voice,

“Right this way madame.”

Eli huffed again and trailed after him. Hopefully there was soap, she was pretty sure most of the mud on her was tattooed into her skin. When they arrived at the showers, Rick handed her some soap and a towel. 

“The other women have shampoo and conditioner as well and they won’t mind sharing.”

Eli looked at him skeptically. 

“I swear it darlin’, and if I’m wrong, I’ll take the blame. The water doesn’t get hot but cold water is better than none, right? I’ll send Carol down to grab your clothes in a few minutes.”

Rick turned around to leave and Eli reached out for his arm. Turning back, he raised an eyebrow.

She took his hand in hers and tapped it twice. Looking down, he watched her trace letters into his hand.

“Eli? I heard Carol call you that earlier. That’s your name?” 

Eli nodded. Rick looked at her for a moment and then spoke again,

“If it’s alright with you, I’m a bit used to calling you darlin’ now. I’ll try to remember to call you Eli, but do you mind if I don’t?”

Eli blushed lightly and shook her head, no she didn’t mind. Smiling down at her, Rick slid his hand from hers and called over his shoulder,

“Better get goin’ before Carol gets here!”

She huffed and waited for him to leave the room. Once he was gone, she looked at her surroundings. There was a chair near the doorway Rick had just gone through, she guessed that was where she was supposed to leave her clothes. Carefully pulling her sweater over her head, she folded it and placed it on the chair. Her pants went next, or rather, Carol’s pants, she thought. Sliding off her socks and undershirt as well, she added those to the pile. Her underwear was beyond repair and she tossed them into the trashcan. She rested her towel at the very top. Hopefully Carol would know that this was clean.

Pulling closed the makeshift curtain, Eli turned on the shower. 

Squeaking loudly, she dove out of the stream. Fuck! she thought, Rick wasn’t kidding, this water is freezing!

Bracing herself, she plunged back under and got her body and hair wet. Once she deemed herself sufficiently drowned, she shut off the water and lathered up the soap. Eli started with her feet, scrubbing them gently. She hissed through her teeth as the deep gouges on the bottom pulled and the scabs broke. Squeezing her foot firmly, she bit back a groan as blood and a little bit of pus poured out of the wounds. Repeating the process with the other foot, she sighed in relief. The pressure from halfway healed wounds had been driving her insane. She had been a little worried that they might fester, but there wasn’t much pus and there were no red streaks leading out of the wounds. Infection could kill you nowadays. 

Working her way up her body, she washed herself until her skin was pink and covered in suds. Turning the water back on, she stepped under again and rinsed off the soap. The water ran brown for a few moments, with bits of blood mixed in from her feet. Once it was clear, she turned it off and started on her hair. Taking a large dollop of shampoo, she scrubbed at the ends of her hair. She worked her way up, removing bits of twigs and leaves, trying to comb through the thick strands with her fingers. She rinsed once and washed her hair again. The water was still running brown so Eli reluctantly washed it again. She had used almost the entire bottle of shampoo! Sighing, she took the bottle of conditioner and dumped half of it onto the tips of her hair. Rubbing it in, she found it much easier to pull her fingers through now. 

Once Eli had detangled her hair to the best of her abilities, she turned on the water one last time and stepped beneath the spray. It took much longer to rinse the conditioner out of her hair than the shampoo had and by the time she was done, her body was tinged blue and goosebumps had broken out all over her body. Shutting off the water, she heard footsteps approaching from the hall. Carol must be coming to get her clothes, Eli thought. She eyed her towel and decided she didn’t want to be completely naked when Carol came, even if they were both women. 

Dashing across the room, Eli threw on the towel and wrapped it around her chest just as Carol turned the corner. 

Only it wasn’t Carol. 

Eli gulped and stared directly up into eyes the color of the raging sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think?
> 
> Things are gonna be a bit rougher next chapter so I hope you enjoyed the little bit of fluff. And the little prod at Andrew Lincoln's roots


	8. Enter the Hunter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl meets his savior unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Daryl seems a bit ooc, he's gonna seem that way the whole story. I tried to stay true to him, but gave him a slight twist so he's less abrasive with Eli. 
> 
> No beta!  
> -italics- sign language  
> bold is writing

“You’ve got to take it easy,” Hershel was saying. “You can’t just go running around after being shot in the leg!”

Daryl grunted but didn’t answer. It’s not like it was even that bad. The bullet had gone straight through his calf and hadn’t hit anything important. It had been sore at first, but mostly because that asshole had stepped on it. He didn’t remember a lot from after he got shot. But Hershel had assured him that their people had won and that the Governor was dead. Good fucking riddance, he thought. That bastard deserved whatever he got. 

Hershel was droning on about a possible concussion and how walking on his leg could be detrimental but Daryl just tuned him out. This was nothing. He had taken worse and walked it off before. Grunting, he hoisted himself up and tossed his legs over the side of his cot. He almost winced, almost, but held it back by the skin of his teeth. 

“I’m fine old man,” he muttered, “Gotta take a piss.”

Hershel frowned at him and sighed,

“Alright Daryl. Why don’t you jump in the shower while you’re down there.”

Daryl curled his lip up at him.

“Don’t give me that look. I mean it as your doctor. Who knows what kind of bacteria got ground into your bullet wound when that monster crushed your leg.”

Daryl looked away and then stood up carefully. He walked to the door and paused before asking over his shoulder,

“Who killed him anyways? Was it Rick?”

“Nope. Some newcomer. A woman, shot him point blank and waved goodbye.”

Daryl started a bit. An image flashed through his mind but fled when he tried to grasp it. He grunted once more in acknowledgement and headed down to the bathrooms. 

He passed by Carol on his way down and she patted his cheek,

“It’s good to see you up and about Pookie.”

He glared at her, but it was halfhearted. 

“I missed you,” she admitted quietly. 

He huffed a bit and patted her arm. Emotions made him uncomfortable and physical contact even more so. Carol smiled up at him and shooed him,

“Off you go, I’ll talk to you in a bit.”

With that they parted ways and he found himself in front of the bathroom stalls. Leaning heavily against the wall, he groaned and moved his leg a bit. He was going to need to sit for a minute before he could shower. He quickly finished up in the bathroom and headed to the showers. 

As he was approaching, he heard the sound of water being turned off. Maybe it was Rick, he usually took his showers around this time. The women tended to shower before bed, saying it helped them relax after a long day. How the hell anyone could think ice raining down on them was relaxing he didn't know. But that's what they claimed.

Rounding the corner, he almost ran smack dab into a very short someone. This person was much smaller than anyone else around the prison, except maybe lil’ asskicker. His eyes traveled downwards and came to rest on a set of the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen. They reminded him of the forest, of dark earth and trees and nature. The eyes widened and he heard a little gasp. The sound snapped him out of his trance and he stumbled back a bit. The unsteady move caused his leg to pull and he grunted, tumbling down onto his back. 

Dazed, he lay sprawled for a moment until the woman came into view again. Seeing her above him, he suddenly remembered everything. Remembered the gun pressed to his skull, thinking that any moment he would draw his last breath. He remembered the Governor’s voice, low and taunting,

“Say byebye.”

And he closed his eyes again. He remembered everything. 

\------------------------------

Eli stood frozen above the man with cerulean eyes. When he had walked in, her mind had blanked. She had wondered about him, thought about how he was doing, but she hadn’t thought she would see him so soon. Surely being shot and cold-cocked would keep you off your feet for a bit. She smiled softly then, but not this man!  Looking down at him, she waved her hand over his face and whistled to get his attention. 

Daryl’s eyes snapped to the woman’s face and then her hands as she began to gesticulate. 

_ -Are you alright?- _

Daryl stared at her for a moment and then said blankly,

“What?”

Eli sighed and shook her head. Of course he didn’t know sign language either. None of these people did. Frustrated, Eli tugged at her hair and then pointed at him and then put her thumbs up. 

Daryl rolled his eyes,

“No, repeat what you just signed, I didn’t catch it.”

Eli’s eyes widened. Slowly she signed,

_ -You know sign language?- _

Daryl nodded and pulled himself up. Standing carefully he replied,

“Yeah, it’s been a while though, you gotta go slow for me.”

Eli clapped her hands together and wheezed out a laugh. 

Daryl’s eyes snapped up and and looked over her again. His gaze fell on her throat and he reached out without thinking to brush his fingers over the mottled skin. 

Sobering quickly, Eli pulled back and covered her throat with both hands. Still standing just in her towel, she was suddenly aware of just how exposed she was. Despair gripped her. Her scars were showing! How much had he seen? Tears filled her eyes and she looked down so the man wouldn’t see. 

Daryl’s eyes trailed over her exposed skin. The scar on her throat was not the only one, although from where he stood it looked like the worst one. Her arms were covered in burn marks and knife wounds. Maybe self inflicted by the looks of some of them. But there were others, the direction was wrong. It looked like she had held up her arms to protect her face. Looking back up to her eyes, he noticed she was trying to hold back tears. His expression softened a little bit. Women crying really twisted something inside him.

“Hey, it’s alright.”

She sniffed and shook her head.  Daryl pinched his lips together and tried to catch her eye.

“You ain’t got a thing to be worried about. We all got scars here.”

Eli shook her head again. He didn’t understand. She hadn’t wanted anyone to see. It was supposed to be a secret. She knew she was ugly, she didn’t need to broadcast it. Hunching her shoulders, she let her hair fall over her face.  Daryl watched her silently for a moment. She didn’t have a thing to be ashamed of. Hell, he had scars of his own. Of course, he didn’t want anyone to see either. He let out a small humming sound and reached out his hand once more.

“I’m gonna touch you now, okay?” He spoke slowly, giving her chance to say no, to push him away. 

Eli stood frozen and trembling, face aimed straight at the floor. She squeezed her eyes shut and braced for his touch. 

Daryl did his best to be gentle and so careful. He slid his fingers into her long hair and pushed it behind her ear. Skimming his fingers along her jaw, he brought them to rest on her chin. Gripping it gently, he tilted her face up. Still she looked away, eyes cast downwards and tears threatening to spill.

“You ain’t gotta be afraid. I’m not gonna hurt ya.” 

Searching her face, he said more sternly,

“Do you believe me?”

Eli slid one hand forward and tilted her fist up and down

_ -Yes.- _

“There’s a good girl,” Daryl praised her.

She smiled wetly and made a soft sound when tears rolled down her cheeks. Daryl leaned forward further to cup her face in both hands. He swiped his thumbs over her cheeks and whispered,

“It’s alright, don’t cry now.”

She shook her head and smiled again. 

_ -I’m all done. Thank you.- _

Daryl cleared his throat awkwardly, backed up a step and released her. 

“Was nothing. You ever need to cry, you come to me.”

Eli nodded and smiled gratefully. Frowning slightly she looked up at Daryl,

_ -I don’t have any clean clothes to wear. Rick said Carol would take these to wash.- _

Daryl nodded and bit the side of his thumb. 

“Sit tight, I’m gonna hop in and clean up my leg. Rick’ll be down for his shower and you can ask him for clothes.”

_ -I don’t want him to see- _ Eli signed quickly.

Daryl thought for a moment. He could offer his vest, but it was filthy and he had ripped the sleeves off long ago. 

“I’m sorry sunshine, I’d give you my shirt but it’s not much cleaner than your sweater and there’s nothing to cover your arms.”

Eli looked down dejectedly. Tears were forming again and Daryl rushed to soothe her.

“Oh don’t cry,” he pleaded, “Why don’t you pull your towel over your shoulders and sit on the chair until he comes.”

Eli wiped her nose on the back of her hand and nodded. Daryl turned away to undress. Unbuttoning his pants, he tried to ease them over his leg with as little pain as possible. Eli blushed and tried to look anywhere else. Daryl was grunting and hissing whenever the pants caught on his bandage. Losing his balance, he tumbled over with a shout,

“Son of a Bitch! Fuckin’ pants and fuckin’ leg, fuckin’ getting shot,” Daryl grumbled to himself and tried to wrestle the pants all the way off. He abruptly stopped when he felt a small hand touch his hand. 

Looking up, he watched Eli sign,

_ -Looks like you need some help.- _

Daryl was about to tell her exactly where to shove her help, Dixon’s didn’t need anyone, but she caught him with a glare.

_ -That wasn’t a question. You helped me, let me help you.- _

He sighed and crossed his arms in defeat. Eli kneeled by his feet and gently tugged at the hem of his left pant leg. It would be easier to get the bad leg out of the way, she reasoned to herself. She was very focused on the task at hand, trying to slide the pants over his calf without touching the heavy bandage. 

Daryl took advantage of her singular focus and let his eyes take in her appearance. She obviously had been starving, a lot like they had been in the winter. Her collar bones protruded from her skin and her arms looked too thin. Her eyes had dark bags beneath them and her cheeks looked sunken. Despite all of this, she was undeniably beautiful. Eli’s eyes were dark in the prison gloom and accentuated by her long lashes. Her lips were shaped like a cupid’s bow and her nose was small, if a little crooked. Absentmindedly he reached out to touch it, she must have broken it before, he thought. 

Eli ceased all movement when Daryl reached for her face again. Had she hurt him? Glancing at his face, she noticed a look of concentration. Well, he had already seen the scars on her arms, might as well let him examine the rest of her. As long as he didn’t ask to see her back, she didn’t care so much. Returning to her work, she finally freed his leg from the wretched pants and tugged off the other pant leg. Just as she was peeling off his socks, he spoke.

“Your nose, who broke it?”

Eli didn’t answer, instead focusing on folding his pants and putting them on top of her pile of clothes.

“Sunshine?”

Eli spun around and brought her hand down in a chopping motion over the other.

_ -Enough.- _

Daryl was startled. He hadn’t expected such venom from the small woman. It was a simple question, had he been asked the same, he would have answered without hesitation. Eli had turned away from him and gone to wait by the door. Shaking his head in confusion, Daryl took the opportunity to remove his vest. She wasn’t looking and he didn’t think she would mock him for his own scars. Slipping into a stall, he closed the curtain and started the water up.

Eli faced away, close to tears again. She didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t he see that? Resting her forehead against the cool wall, she heard footsteps approaching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah!
> 
> Another one banged out


	9. Fluff and Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a nice fluffy scene between Eli and Rick and Daryl, slight reprieve for you guys
> 
> -italics- sign language
> 
> No Beta so all mess ups are meeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

Rick rounded the corner and was surprised to see Eli still in the shower room. 

“Darlin’,” he began to say.

He let out an oof as Eli turned and slammed her body into his chest, arms pressed together between them. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her and felt her nuzzle her face against him. Squeezing her gently, he kissed the top of her head and asked,

“What are you doing here still? I thought you would have gone by now.”

Eli stuck out one arm and gestured to the pile of dirty clothes still sitting on the chair. Realizing she had just exposed herself, again, she pulled her arm back and tucked it between their bodies. Luckily, Rick hadn’t noticed her arm, or maybe he just chose not to mention it. Either way, Eli was grateful.

“Shoot, I must’ve forgotten to ask Carol to get you some fresh clothes.” 

Noticing Daryl’s vest on the floor and his pants on top of Eli’s sweater, Rick said,

“I see you’ve met Daryl again.”

Eli nodded into his chest and looked up at him with a quick frown. 

“What is it darlin’, he say something? He can be a right bastard sometimes, but he means well.”

“I heard that asshole!” Daryl called from the shower. 

Rick grinned down at Eli and winked conspiratorially,

“Heard what?”

Eli let out a gasping giggle and they both heard the water shut off. The towel disappeared from the top of the curtain and Daryl appeared with it wrapped around his waist. Glaring at a giggling Eli and Rick, he couldn’t help but shoot the girl a small smile when she looked at him unsurely. Her face broke into a wide grin. Rick glanced between the two, pleased to see that they were getting along. 

Daryl bent to pick up his vest and Rick wolf whistled. Eli broke into a fit of breathy giggles and Daryl blushed bright red. Tugging on the vest and wrestling with his pants, he grunted,

“Shut up!” 

Rick just grinned at him,

“You know you love it.”

Eli started to slap at Rick’s arm, she was laughing too hard and couldn’t breathe. Gasping to catch her breath, she coughed a few times more. Face bright red too, she wagged a finger at both boys and started to scold them.

_ -You two!-  _ throwing up her hands in exasperation she continued,  _ -You’ll be the death of me! I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time.- _

She let out one last giggle and then stopped to focus on her breathing. 

Daryl watched her signing and repeated what she said back to Rick.

“You know sign language?” Rick asked.

“Don’t sound so surprised, Rick, I have many talents.” 

Waggling his eyebrows playfully, Eli shushed him again. 

_ -No really, don’t make me laugh again yet. I still haven’t quite caught my breath.- _

Rick watched her hands while she ‘spoke’, eyes traveling up to her arms. She was facing Daryl as she signed and didn’t notice his gaze, but Daryl did. Catching Rick’s eye, he shook his head minutely. They communicated silently.

_ Don’t mention it. _

_ You have to explain later. _

Daryl nodded in agreement and returned his attention to Eli. Her face was slightly pink still from all the laughing and she looked genuinely happy. 

“Why don’t you see if Rick has something you can borrow, Sunshine. Once you put somethin’ on, you can follow me and we can grab you some real clothes.”

Rick nodded and started to undo his button up. 

“You can wear this for now. Daryl’ll find you something that fits better.”

Eli took his shirt and looked at it skeptically. Sliding her arms through, she buttoned it carefully and let her towel drop below it. Once the collar was closed and covering her throat, she smiled at the men. Daryl ran his fingers through his hair. He would never say it aloud, but she looked damn good in nothing but a dress shirt. Shaking his head to clear his mind, he held out his hand for her sleeve. Understanding without words, Eli lifted both arms, one to Daryl, one to Rick. 

In unison, they rolled up the sleeves until they rested at her wrists. Rick whistled lowly and then put on his British accent again,

“Looking quite lovely poppet. What say you to this gentleman escorting you to some nicer clothes?”

Eli huffed out a laugh and turned to Daryl,

_ -Lead the way, sir!- _

He laughed himself and headed out of the showers. Eli trailed after him, waving over her shoulder to Rick as she reached for Daryl’s hand. Daryl flushed slightly and squeezed her in return. 

\--------------------------------

As soon as they were out of sight, Rick sank to the ground with his head in his hands. She was covered in scars. Absolutely covered. Her legs might have been the only untouched skin, and that was just from the knee down. 

When he had wrapped his arms around her, he had felt the raised skin on her back as well. It took all of his will power not to lift her hair and check to be sure she was okay. But of course she wasn’t okay, no one with that many scars could possibly be okay. Rick considered himself a strong man, but he doubted he could have survived whatever Eli had been subjected to. Giving her his shirt was the only thing he could do. Daryl seemed to have known to an extent. Had he seen them all? 

A part of Rick wanted to see, needed to see. He felt like he needed to reassure himself that she was alive, had survived Hell from the looks of it. But when Daryl had shaken his head no, he had known better than to speak. Daryl had scars too, his back a patchwork mess of stripes. Rick had seen Daryl’s many times before. Living together for as long as they had didn’t leave much room for privacy.

Pressing his hands against his eyes, he shook his head hard and fought back tears of his own. He needed to talk to Daryl, see what they could do to help her, if anything. With this in mind, he stood and hurried to shower. He would head up to the roof when he was done. Daryl had made a nest of sorts up there. He said he didn’t like to be cooped up, especially in a prison. Maybe it reminded him too much of visits with Merle back before the world went to hell. 


	10. Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter, shows the budding relationship between Daryl and Eli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so short because the next one is super long and I can't find a good breaking point in it. 
> 
> Comment if you'd like!

Eli decided she liked holding Daryl’s hand. It was very rough, yet smooth in places where calluses had long since formed. It was also pleasantly warm. He gripped her hand gently, like he would let go as soon as she loosened her own fingers. With that thought, she tightened her hold and laced their fingers together. Daryl looked down at her from the corner of his eye and flushed slightly. She smiled up at him and swung their arms a bit. 

“Alright sunshine, enough of that.”

Eli looked crestfallen and started to untangle her hand from his. Daryl gripped her tighter and she looked at him in confusion. Daryl studiously avoided looking her in the eye and mumbled,

“I meant swinging your arm, gonna wrench mine out of socket.”

Eli wheezed in laughter and signed with one hand,

_ -As if! Have you seen your arms? I bet you could pick me up and throw me across the room!- _

Daryl laughed aloud,

“I don’t know about throwing you, but I bet you’re light as a feather. I’m sure I could carry you.”

Looking at her mischievously, she eyed him with mistrust,

_ -You wouldn’t dare!- _

“Is that a challenge?” Daryl grinned and swooped her up, carrying her bridal style a little way down the hall.

Eli had gasped and clung to his neck immediately. Once she was sure he wasn’t going to drop her, she pulled back to scold him,

_ -Daryl! You put me down this minute!- _

He huffed and replied,

“Not on your life sunshine.”

She threw up her hands in exasperation and then settled in for the ride. After a moment or two of silence, she tried again,

_ -You really shouldn’t be carrying me, your leg is still hurt.- _

Daryl shook his head,

“Naw, it’s fine. You really are very light.”

Once he had picked her up, Daryl wasn’t sure he would be able to put her down again. He had seen how thin she was, but nothing compared to actually feeling it. She probably weighed less than Carl did. Speaking of Carl, he was walking toward them. 

“Hey Daryl,” he waved to Eli, still not knowing her name. 

Eli waved back and signed to Daryl, asking him to introduce her to Carl.

“She says her name is Eli.” Daryl supplied. 

Carl looked impressed,

“I didn’t know you knew sign language. That’s pretty cool Daryl, do you think you could teach me sometime?”

Daryl shrugged,

“I guess so kid, I mostly just recognize signs though. I don’t necessarily remember them myself.”

_ -I can help you, you can be my translator.- _

“Eli says she’ll help you.”

Carl grinned, 

“Thanks guys, I’m gonna go find Dad now, Hershel wanted to talk to him.”

“He’s down in the showers. Hey kid, can you grab a pair of pants from Beth? And maybe a belt?”

“Sure,” he replied. “I’ll bring them to the nest?”

Daryl nodded and they parted ways. 

_ -The nest?- _

Daryl nodded again, but didn’t expound. Eli nudged him, hoping for more information.

“I’ll just show you, we’re headed there now.”

They reached a set of stairs and Daryl set Eli down.

“Gotta walk now sunshine, I don’t think I could carry you up the stairs.”

Together they trudged to the rooftop. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos are cool too, I was super excited for the three I got! So shoutout to you guys!


	11. Eli's Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get really dark and deep here, you can skip if you'd like, I'll put a short summary in the next chapter, which is also gonna be not so fluffy. Or, if you only want to miss the graphic stuff, I'm going to put trigger warnings before the paragraphs that are dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings, scar tissue and bad words and stuff

Rick exited the shower and toweled off quickly. Throwing his pants back on, he headed out to the roof. He was really hoping to talk to Eli about what had happened. Maybe Daryl would know how best to approach the subject. 

Walking through the prison barefoot and bare chested, he heard someone call his name. Turning around, he was greeted with a hug from Carl.

“Hey dad, Eli and Daryl went up to the nest.”

Rick nodded,

“I’m headed up there now.”

“Oh good, can you bring Eli these,” Carl handed over some pants and a bungee cord.

“Daryl asked for some pants from Beth and a belt, but all I could find was that cord.”

“I’m sure Eli won’t mind, thank you son.”

Carl smiled at him, 

“No problem, tell them I say hi. Oh, and Hershel wants to talk to you”

“Alright Carl, I'll check in with him after I drop these off.”

Rick waved goodbye to Carl and headed to the stairs. He stepped onto the roof and shielded his eyes from the midday sun. Looking over to Daryl’s ‘nest’, he had to smile when he saw Eli exploring. 

The nest was pretty much just that. Daryl had formed a little shelter with pallets that they had found in the yard and thrown a few tarps over them. One wall was open to get in and out. The ground was covered in blankets, maybe ten or so. Daryl had scouted for them on their runs. He would always offer whatever he brought back to the group first and only kept what no one wanted.  When it got too cold, Daryl would drag a few blankets into the stairwell and sleep there. 

Eli was currently crawling around the blankets and examining every nook cranny that she could find. Occasionally she would look up at Daryl to be sure she wasn’t intruding. He just stood at the entrance with both hands in his pockets.  Rick walked over the Daryl and rested his hand on his shoulder.

“She looks like she’s enjoying herself.”

Daryl grunted in response. Eli looked up and smiled at Rick. She gestured all around her and signed something quickly. Daryl blushed slightly and Rick asked,

“What did she say?”

Daryl shook his head,

“Nothin’.”

Eli glared at him and marched over to Rick with her hand out. Rick placed his on top of hers and she flipped it so it was palm up. Tapping it twice she made him look down. With her fingertip she traced, AMAZING. Rick smiled and nudged Daryl.

“It is pretty amazing, isn’t it darlin’.”

Eli nodded and stuck her tongue out at Daryl. She started to pull away from Rick to explore some more but he gripped her tighter. 

“I brought you some pants. They might still be too big but Carl found you a bungee cord as well.”

Eli brought her palm to her chin and then down again.

“She says thank you.” 

Rick nodded and handed her the pants. She pushed one leg through the pants and hopped around on one foot while she slid on the other. On one hop, she landed wrong and opened one of the wounds on her foot. Hissing quietly, she buttoned the pants and sat down to examine her foot. As soon as she sat, Rick had reached down and scooped her up. Grunting in surprise, she grabbed for Rick’s chest and looked at his face.

Rick’s expression was tight, not quite angry, but certainly not pleased. Looking over at Daryl she found him wearing a similar expression. 

_ -What?- _ Eli signed, perplexed.

“Why didn’t you tell us your feet were hurt, sunshine?” 

Eli shrugged and Rick held her tighter. To her it wasn't a big deal, washing them had helped a great deal.

“You gotta tell us about stuff like this darlin’. How are we supposed to look out for you if we don’t know what’s wrong?”

Eli glanced over at Daryl, who was nodding in agreement. Rick placed her in the nest and crawled in after her. Daryl eased himself down carefully and leaned back beside her.  Kneeling at her feet, Rick lifted one to inspect. There were several deep lacerations on her heel and the ball of her foot. The skin was red from irritation and possibly infection. Setting it back down, Rick checked over her other foot as well. Both were in pretty bad shape.

Rick spoke to Daryl quietly,

“I think she might need stitches, you got that stuff up here?”

Daryl nodded and rolled over to find it.

“Darlin’ these are pretty deep, we’re gonna have to stitch ‘em up,” Rick explained to Eli. 

Eli nodded and tapped Daryl’s hip. He twisted around to look at her and she signed,

_ -How will I walk with stitches in my feet?- _

Daryl relayed her question to Rick and went back to hunting for a needle and some booze. Alcohol would sterilize the wounds and maybe take the edge off the pain if Eli needed it.  Rick shrugged,

“Daryl and I can carry you around. It’ll only be for a few days, then we can take them out again.”

Daryl nodded and sat up. He had everything they needed in his arms. 

“Rick,” he spoke softly, “why don’t you have her lean back against you, I’ve sewn up more skin than you.”

Rick scooted around and put his legs outside of Eli’s. Tugging her back to lean on his torso, he wrapped arms around her chest. He figured she might squirm and it would be best if she was still for this procedure.  Eli slid her hands up to grasp Rick’s forearms. She wasn’t scared, she’d been stitched up before. But it might hurt more on her feet. She took a deep breath and nodded to Daryl.

“This is gonna hurt sunshine,” he murmured. 

Without ceremony, Daryl poured moonshine onto Eli’s left foot. She jerked hard and stifled a gasp. Willing herself to relax, she tilted her head back and rested it against Rick’s shoulder. He held her a bit closer and nodded for Daryl to start stitching.  Holding her foot firmly, he slid the needle in and out of her skin, doing his best not to pull too much. Rick had tilted his head down to Eli’s ear and was whispering in her ear.

“There’s a good girl. You’re so strong. We gotta fix you up.”

Eli let out a shaky breath and blinked back tears. Rick pressed a kiss to her temple and continued to murmur gently,

“Almost done with the first foot. We can take a little break maybe. I’m proud of you darlin’, you’re very brave.”

Eli didn’t feel brave. She had experienced much worse pain than this and hadn’t shed a tear. She wasn’t sure if it was the burn of the alcohol or because she was being comforted, but all she wanted to do was cry. No one had ever taken care of her when she hurt. 

Daryl finished the last stitch on the first foot and leaned back. 

“You alright sunshine?”

Eli didn’t answer, just held out her arms to Daryl. When he gave no indication of moving, she signed, 

_ -I need a hug.- _

“Looks like you already got a hug,” he said nodding to Rick.

Eli tilted her head up and tears spilled down her cheeks,

_ -I need you both.- _

Rick extended one of his arms to Daryl in invitation. He crawled closer to Eli and rested his head on her lap. Rick placed one hand on his shoulder and Eli gripped one hand from each of them. Daryl offered up the moonshine and Eli immediately released Rick to grab it. 

Taking a huge swig, she swallowed down the burning liquid. When she didn't so much as flinch, Daryl opened his mouth to tell her to take it easy. Eli slapped a hand over his lips and glared at him. She swallowed another mouthful and Daryl licked her palm. Eli snorted and flicked his nose gently. Having one more small sip, she returned the jar to Daryl and snuggled back into Rick.

_ -I’m ready. Let’s get this over with.- _

Daryl reluctantly pulled away from them and started on the next foot.

Eli turned her face and pressed it into Rick’s neck, exhaling harshly against his collarbone. Rick tightened his arms around her and nuzzled her hair in return. Daryl must have struck a nerve because suddenly Eli’s teeth were clamped on his bone. He grunted and she let out a strangled scream. Daryl looked up, stricken,

“I’m sorry-,” he began.

Eli released Rick’s collarbone and signed sharply,

_ -Daryl, you better finish with that fucking foot or I will shove it so far up your ass,- _

He blinked at her, surprised at the language, and then jumped to finish. When he finally was done, Eli snatched up the moonshine and swallowed three more mouthfuls. She moaned, her voice cracking around the sound. 

_ -That hurt.- _

Daryl apologized again, truly remorseful that he had brought her pain.

“I’m sorry sunshine.”

She waved him away,

_ -It’s not your fault. Had to be done.- _

Rick spoke then,

“Do you wanna lay down darlin’?”

She signed to Daryl. 

“She says yes, but she wants us to stay with her.”

Eli nodded and pushed Rick away. He moved quickly back and she looked at them both expectantly. When neither moved, she forcefully patted to the left and right of her and flopped backwards.  After she closed her eyes and stretched, the men lay down next to her. Turning her head to the right, she popped open one eye and scrutinized Rick. 

_ -Where’s your shirt?- _

Daryl relayed the question and Rick chuckled and pointed at her,

“You have it darlin’.”

Eli looked down in surprise and grinned up at him dopily. Twisting her head in the other direction, she signed to Daryl,

_ -You’re clothes are dirty! Go change!- _

She gestured to outside of the nest expectantly. 

“I think you’ve had too much moonshine darlin’, but she’s right Daryl. You oughta put on something more comfortable. Looks like we’re stuck until she sobers up.”

Daryl sighed and edged away from them to change. When he returned, he was wearing mostly clean jeans and a new vest with the front open. 

Eli yawned and turned on her side to face Daryl. She wiggled around to get comfortable and dragged one of Rick’s arms over her hip.

_ -You’re beautiful.-  _ she signed to Daryl.

Daryl frowned,

“I’m a man, men aren’t beautiful. You’ve definitely had too much moonshine.”

She shook her head carefully.

_ -I saw.- _

Daryl felt his blood freeze. She saw? Saw what?

_ -I saw, you look like me except beautiful. You look like a survivor.-  _

Daryl hesitantly reached for her hand. 

“You’re a survivor too. And you’re beautiful.”

Rick stroked his thumb over her hip and she felt him nod behind her. She let out a harsh rasp that might have been a laugh.

_ -I’m not a survivor.- _ that she wasn’t beautiful went without saying, she thought.

Rick rumbled behind her.

“Don’t laugh, you are beautiful. Why don’t you think so?”

Sighing, Eli rolled away from Rick and settled a few inches between the two of them. Lying on her stomach, she shoved her hair away from her back and wiggled a bit. 

_ -Go ahead and see for yourself.- _

Daryl relayed this to Rick and they exchanged a glance over her figure. On the one hand, they both very much needed to see the extent of the damage, to help them understand. On the other, Eli seemed pretty tipsy to them and they didn’t want to take advantage of her vulnerability. 

As if reading their thoughts, Eli flicked her hands in one last lazy sentence.

_ -I’m not that drunk, I’d rather just get this over with.- _

She was a little buzzed but it helped her. She wanted them to see, so she wouldn’t need to hide all the time. It helped as well that she didn't know them all that well yet. If they were disgusted and wanted nothing to do with her after they saw, it wouldn't hurt so much. She just didn’t want to be sober when that happened. Daryl and Rick both reached out for the hem of the shirt and began to roll it up. Eli kept careful control of her breathing as they had her lift up and pulled it off her completely. Laying down again quickly, Eli closed her eyes tight and waited for them to run.

 

\-------------Start Trigger Warning----------------

 

Rick and Daryl stared down at her back for a moment, to shocked to move. She was so thin! Every one of her ribs jutted from her flesh. Her skin was pulled tight over bones and vertebrae and accentuated her every flaw. That was just below the surface. Her back was macabre. 

It looked like someone had taken a knife and carved into her flesh. Parts of her skin were indented, like a chunk had been torn and never healed properly. Burns littered the small of her back, not quite large enough to be from a cigarette. Daryl was the first to reach for her. His rough fingers brushed against the burn marks, a silent question in his touch. Eli shook her head. No questions then. 

Rick didn’t know where to look. There wasn’t an inch of unblemished skin on Eli. 

“Oh darlin’,” he sighed and slid the palm of his hand over her shoulder blades.

Eli tensed for a moment and both men froze, not pulling away, but no longer caressing her. Once she relaxed again, Rick smoothed his thumb over a particularly nasty scar. This one was twisted and puckered, it almost looked like Rick’s bullet wound. Eli shivered as Daryl moved his hand upwards. 

There were countless scars. Some had healed very well, they looked precise, controlled. Others were angry and jagged, like someone had hacked away at her back. Rick’s eyes blurred with tears and that’s when he saw it. Whoever had done this, who ever had hurt Eli, had drawn a picture.  Rick reached for Daryl’s free hand and grasped it. Daryl watched Rick’s hand trace the pattern on Eli’s skin. All control Daryl had left him once he realized what he was looking at. Leaning forward swiftly, he pressed a gentle kiss to her spine.

“I’m sorry sunshine.”

Eli shrugged a little and sniffed. She felt Rick’s hand push through her hair. She knew what was there. 

Daryl pressed kisses along the right side of her body. Each press of his lips seared into her skin and traced over the form of her scar. 

A pair of wings had been carved into her. The tips stretched down into the waistline of Beth’s borrowed jeans and the tops curved over her shoulders. A few scars on the back of her arms looked a bit like feathers, now that the men knew what they were looking at. Daryl was surprised she could move as well as she did, scars like that didn’t stretch and bend with your body. They tugged and pulled, constantly reminding their victims of the situation. 

Allowing herself to be flipped back onto her back, she felt Rick’s beard scratch against her ribs. He had his ear pressed to her chest and she felt tears slipping down her sides. Daryl still held his hand and didn’t appear to be in much better shape than him. Eli extended her free arm to him and he pressed himself tightly to her side. Rick rested their joined hands on her stomach and Daryl nuzzled the area behind her ear. 

Eli might have been uncomfortable with the fact that two men were laying on her while she wore no shirt, but she wasn’t. Rick and Daryl had already seen her as exposed as she had ever been. The only other person to see her scars was the one who put them there. Twirling her fingers in their hair, she waited until they had both calmed down a little and then pushed them up.  Daryl looked down at her in question. She smiled at him sadly and simply said,

_ -More.- _

Daryl’s head snapped downwards. Eli had slid an arm over her chest. Just because she wasn’t embarrassed didn’t mean she was going to advertise herself. Rick looked like he might start crying again and Eli patted his hand. He huffed out a little laugh and said thickly,

“We should be comforting you darlin’, not the other way around.”

Daryl nodded and skimmed his fingers over her stomach. Eli didn’t so much as twitch. She didn’t have a lot of feeling left there. The entire area from her right hip to her bellybutton was covered by an angry looking burn. Worse than that though, this side of her body didn’t have a picture. It had words. 

“Rick,” Daryl said his name like a prayer. Rick gripped his hand harder, nearly crushing it.

Together they read the hateful letters on Eli’s skin. Under the left collarbone,  _ Demon _ was carved. The skin looked split, peeled apart and healed over again.  _ Angel _ was pressed below the other collarbone. The letters were thick, blocky and rested below the rest of her skin. 

Intricate designs spewed like flames over her ribs. She had  _ Bitch  _ and  _ Slut  _ hiding slightly beneath the curve of her breasts.  _ Freak  _ peeked out from the waist of her pants, the letters twisted and ugly. Suture scars surrounded this one, it must have been deep. But the worst was stretched across her stomach.  _ Monster _ , it read. The word appeared to have been gone over many times, letters lay atop the burn. 

Daryl choked out a sob and hid his face in his arm. Rick turned his gaze to Eli’s face and nearly lost it at her expression. She just looked so resigned. She was staring straight at the tarp above them, barely breathing at all. A million feelings flew through him. He was angry, terribly enraged, but he was also terrified. He didn’t want Eli to run away from him, from them. Rick looked to Daryl who’s shoulders were shaking. Making his decision, Rick sat up. 

Eli twitched at the sudden movement and slid her eyes over Rick’s form. His body was tensed, every muscle on his torso was on display. Eli sighed in defeat. Hearing her, both men turned to look at her.

 

\----------End Trigger Warning--------------------

 

_ -Are you going to leave now?- _ Eli signed to Daryl.

“Do you want us to leave, sunshine?” Daryl asked roughly. 

Rick held his breath and waited for her answer. For a few moments Eli didn’t move at all. The she carefully shook her head. The air rushed out of Rick and he swooped down to cradle her in his arms.

“We’re not going anywhere, darlin’,” he whispered. 

Daryl nodded from her other side. Eli didn’t react to them though. Feeling drained, she just allowed Rick to hold her. Shifting her eyes to Daryl, she signed,

_ -I want my shirt please.- _

Daryl rooted around for it and slid his hand over Rick’s back to get his attention. Rick’s body relaxed a tiny fraction and he turned his head to Daryl.

“She wants to get dressed again.”

Rick nodded, too afraid to speak and pulled away from Eli. Daryl tried to hand her the dress shirt, but she just stared at him blankly. Biting his lip, he whispered,

“Arms up, sunshine.”

Obeying immediately, Eli soon felt the shirt sliding over her head and Daryl’s hands smoothing over her ribs. He gently pushed her back down again and turned her to face him. Gesturing for Rick to lay back down, the two men surrounded her. Eli hummed a sound in her throat but made no move to sign to Daryl.

Rick lifted Eli’s head and rested it on his bicep. Daryl lay facing them both and Rick slid his forearm under his neck. Eli lay cradled between them and Rick murmured in her ear,

“Is this alright darlin’?”

Eli tilted her head forward slightly. Daryl reached out to cup her cheek,

“Rest.”

It was only midday but Daryl was very certain they needed a lie in more than lunch. Eli breathed in deeply and dragged her arms up,

_ -Stay- _

Daryl nodded,

“Always.”

Eli’s eyes slid shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it awful? This and the next chapter are gonna be a bit graphic. This one shows the damage, the next one tells how she got it.


	12. Daryl's Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl opens up about himself to Rick, big step for him
> 
> If you skipped the last chapter, it just explained how Eli's body looks and where scars are and what they look like etc. 
> 
> More Trigger Warnings ahead, past mentions of abuse
> 
> It's not graphic so you don't need to skip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language  
> bold is written

Once her breathing had evened out, Rick had tugged Eli back until she was plastered to his front. Daryl didn’t move, unsure about what he should do. He didn’t want to intrude, but Eli had asked him to stay. Rick sensed his unease and reached over Eli to curl a hand around Daryl’s hip.

“C’mere.” He spoke roughly, his chest rumbling with the effort.

Daryl scooted closer and slid his leg between Eli’s, reaching for her hand in the process. Rick’s hand slid under Daryl’s vest and he rested his leg over Daryl’s calf. Daryl let out a hiss and Rick lifted his leg and drew back,

“Shit, I’m sorry Dare, I forgot about your leg!”

Daryl pulled his lip between his teeth and gnawed on it to distract himself. He released a puff of air which ruffled Eli’s hair and ghosted over Rick’s face. 

“S’fine,” he slid his body closer to Eli and rested his thigh on top of Rick’s. “You can put your leg down now. Just don’t hit my calf again.”

Rick nodded and lowered his leg gently. Sliding his palm back under Daryl’s vest, he rubbed small circles into the skin there. Daryl held himself perfectly still, not daring to relax. 

“You ain’t gotta do that Rick, I’m fine.”

Rick’s hand stilled for a second before resuming its movement.

“I want to, as long as you want me to.”

Daryl met his gaze over Eli’s head. Nodding once, sharply, he squeezed her hand and asked softly,

“What are we gonna do Rick?”

“I don’t know.”

“We gotta help her though, it ain’t right what she’s been through.”

“I know Daryl, I just don’t know what to do.”

His fingers trailed along one of Daryl’s scars causing him to shiver.

“What helped you?”

Daryl exhaled shakily. No one had ever touched him so soothingly. With the exception of Carol, everyone went out of their way to only touch him when necessary. And they never lingered for any longer than they had to. Rick waited patiently for him to answer. Eli shifted slightly between them and Daryl reached out to wrap his arm around her waist. He tucked his hand between Eli’s back and Rick’s stomach. The muscles there jumped under his touch and he took a moment to gather his thoughts. 

“I don’t know,” he spoke lowly, barely moving his lips at all. 

“I just try to forget. Not think about it. Used to drink too much.”

“You never talked about it with anyone?”

“With who?”

Rick’s eyebrows pressed together,

“I don’t know, Carol? Or maybe Merle?”

Daryl snorted, the sound disturbing Eli. She grumbled softly and fluttered her eyelids. Rick and Daryl held their breaths, hoping she wouldn’t wake. Releasing a long sigh, she fell still again and Daryl spoke quietly,

“Merle didn’t know.”

Rick’s eyes widened,

“How could he not have known?”

“He’s almost ten years older than me, Rick,” Daryl spoke defensively, “He didn’t know.”

“The old man used to use him as his whipping post until Merle went and got locked up in Juvie. After that he started in on me. Merle went from Juvie to jail, never staying home for long.”

Rick had paled and squeezed Daryl’s hip gently,

“How old were you?”

Daryl debated not telling Rick, or maybe even lying. But Daryl wanted to trust Rick, wanted to figure out how to help the small woman lying in their arms. If that meant talking about his own abuse, he was willing to do it.

“Six.”

Rick sucked in a deep breath and curled the arm under Daryl’s neck. Pulling him closer, he pressed their foreheads together and said wetly,

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Dare.”

Daryl nudged him with his nose,

“Don’t apologize. It’s done and you didn’t do it. It was my stupid ass’s fault anyways.”

Rick jerked his head back as if he had been slapped,

“How could it possibly be your fault?”

“I was a little trouble maker, I got into shit and pissed off the old man too much. If I had behaved better, he would have left me alone.”

“Do you really think that way? Daryl, anyone who beats a child is a  _ monster _ .”

Daryl shrugged,

“It ain’t his fault. It’s bred into us. Daddy wears the same stripes as me. It’s the Dixon family legacy,” Daryl’s tone was bitter and resigned.

“No. No, I don’t believe that Daryl.”

He flicked his eyes up to look at Rick’s face. He held such conviction and passion in his eyes.

“I’ve seen you with Judith, and with Carl. You’re a good man Daryl. You took care of my kids when I- when I couldn’t even bear the sight of them without thinking about Lori. Daryl, can’t you see how amazing you are.”

Daryl looked away and bit down on his lip. 

“It ain’t like that. I did what anyone would have done.”

“I won’t let you believe that. You stepped up and took care of them, watched over them and kept them safe. I will never be able to repay you for that.”

“You don’t need to repay me, Rick. They mean the world to me.”

Rick smiled softly at him.

“They do, and that’s why I know you’d never lay a hand on them.”

Daryl looked down at Eli’s peaceful face.

Rick brushed fingers through his hair,

“You aren’t your father.”

Daryl nodded once and sniffed. 

“How’re we gonna help sunshine though? We don’t know who did this to her.”

Both men froze when they felt the body between them roll over. 

She signed one word and Daryl slid his eyes shut.


	13. The 'Why' of it All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli tells the boys who hurt her and why.
> 
> Really deep and dark, I'm gonna put trigger warnings, but if you want to skip the whole chapter, I will summarize in the next one
> 
> Trigger warnings: past mentions of abuse, stockholm syndrome, discussions of mental illness, very brief mention of attempted molestation, like one sentence, nothing happened tho, don't worry, graphic depictions of violence, probably goes into the realm of torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language  
> bold is writing

Eli had woken up feeling way too hot. Her shirt was plastered to her skin and it felt like she was trapped in a furnace. Arms were wrapped around her and crossed over her, holding her safe. Voices had woken her but abruptly stopped when she had shifted. Willing herself to relax, she lay still.

She listened without moving as Daryl told his story to Rick. She felt Rick’s body tense against hers, Daryl’s arm tightening over her hip. 

Righteous anger filtered through her when Daryl said that his abuse was his fault. It took every ounce of self control that she had not to open her eyes and let him know exactly what she thought of that sentiment. And his brother! If she ever got her hands on him, he would regret abandoning Daryl when he was so young.

Rick mentioned someone named Lori, she wondered who she was, clearly someone important to him. Maybe it was his wife? She wanted to ask but remained silent, trying to see where this conversation was going. When Rick told Daryl he wasn’t his father, Eli wanted to jump in and agree, to convince Daryl he was a good man too. And then they got to the point, as it were.

_ “How’re we gonna help sunshine though? We don’t know who did this to her.” _

Eli had had enough. Turning between them so she was on her back she signed,

_ -Mama.- _

Daryl closed his eyes to gather his strength. Opening them again, he met Rick’s eyes and tried to focus through the tears.

“She says it was her ma,” his voice cracked towards the end and came out harshly. 

Eli nodded and drew a breath. 

_ -I wasn’t six, I was eight.- _

Daryl’s voice wobbled dangerously as he relayed this to Rick. She tried to say more, but Daryl shook his head and turned his face away. His shoulders shook hard and his breathing was ragged. Sitting up, Eli cupped his face in her hands. She made shushing noises and stroked over his features. Daryl’s eyes remained shut tight, but he reached for Eli and pulled her into his lap. Burying his face in her neck, he sobbed outright. She stroked his hair and moved her lips against his ear. No sound escaped, but if he wouldn’t look at her, she had no other way to communicate.

Daryl felt a pair of strong arms wrap around them. Rick cradled his forehead with one hand and pressed Eli tighter to his front with the other. 

“It’s alright Daryl,” Rick whispered, his voice steady and soothing.

“We’re gonna be alright, all of us. It wasn’t fair of me to have you translate for Eli, I’m sorry for that.”

Daryl felt Eli’s head nod against his. A hand slipped between them and he felt her rub a circle into her chest.

_ -Sorry- _

It took Daryl a few minutes to calm down. Eli and Rick soothed him with kind words and soft caresses. Sniffing one last time, he pressed a kiss to Eli’s jaw, right above her scar. He thought he felt her shiver, but dismissed it. Some of his scars were sensitive too. Pulling back, he rested his head against Rick’s chest and loosely grasped Eli’s hips. 

Eli smiled at him, eyes full of pride as she patted his chest. Looking to Rick, she mimed writing. He nodded and said,

“I’m sure I can find you somethin’ darlin’.”

Scooting away from Daryl, he rummaged around for a pad of paper and hopefully a pen. Eli took the opportunity to slide off of Daryl’s lap and sit beside him. She leaned into his side and he wrapped an arm around her waist. He tried to hold her hand as well but she pulled it away. He looked at her with such an expression of hurt that she was quick to sign,

_ -I can’t write and hold hands. I’m not going anywhere, you just keep sitting here with me, okay?- _

Daryl nodded in understanding. Settling down, he ran his fingers over her wrist. Catching sight of a particularly nasty scar running the length of it, he questioned,

“How did this one happen.”

Eli frowned thoughtfully and then signed,

_ -Wait for Rick, I only want to say this once.- _

Rick reappeared on her other side with a notepad and handed her a pencil. She smiled at him gratefully and took a deep breath. 

**I’m sure you have questions. Ask and I will answer if I can. Some things I’m not ready to say yet.**

Rick and Daryl leaned against her to read her writing. Her words were clear and even, easy to read. Rick was the first to speak,

“You said you were eight?”

 

\--------------------Start Trigger Warning-----------------

 

Eli nodded and then shook her head slightly. Tapping the pencil to her lip, she thought for a moment before writing.

**I was eight when she started using knives. But I remember other things from before then. I think my earliest memories are from when I was four.**

Daryl cleared his throat,

“What sort of things sunshine?”

**I remember it being night and I would suddenly be awake. She would be standing at the foot of my bed with a needle. My foot or leg usually was sore and she would say she was ‘Just checking.’ It was late and I was little so I never asked what she was checking for. Sometimes she would just pinch me. When I was a little older, she started using fire. Holding a match near my skin until I woke up or pressing a hot spoon into my arm.**

Eli waited for the next question. 

“Why’d she cut you?”

**At first, I’m not sure. They were just little ones. She would lean over as I ate dinner and slide her silverware over me. They weren’t very deep, mostly my skin just turned red and then I was fine a few minutes later. It didn’t really start to scare me until she drew blood.**

Eli reached back and touched a long line across her lower back. Rick and Daryl fingered the edges gently as well.

**I was laying on the floor reading a book and my shirt must’ve ridden up. She had dragged a carving knife across me very quickly. It took me a second to realize she had actually cut me. Just as I had started to cry, she had pulled me into my arms and held me tight. She told me she loved me and that I was a good girl. She said good girls keep secrets. She made me promise not to tell and then she bandaged me up.**

“You kept it a secret? Darlin’ why didn’t you tell someone?”

**I thought about it. I really did. But she was so loving to me. For about a week she took me to the park and let me stay up late. She hugged me constantly. It’s only now looking back that I remember how she pressed on the healing wound, making me wince. I think she was checking to be sure I could hide it. Every time she pushed and I didn’t flinch I got a special treat. Sometimes it was ice cream, sometimes we went to the movies. I was pretty stupid back then.**

“Don’t say that sunshine. You were just a kid, you didn’t know any better.”

Eli snorted and signed to him,

_ -Pot, kettle.- _

Daryl blinked and Rick prompted Eli,

“What next darlin’?”

**Next was a series of cuts, mostly to my back with different knives. I think she was trying to see which ones left the worst marks. I got used to it. I stopped making noise when she did it. Sometimes she used matches. That’s the little marks you were feeling earlier Daryl.**

He nodded,

“They’re too small to be from cigarettes,” he pulled up his sleeve to show a line of burns, “I should know.”

Eli covered the scars with her palm and then bent to press a kiss there. 

**Those weren’t so bad. It hurt really bad for a split second and then it was numb. Of course, it throbbed for a few days, but it wasn’t so bad. The worst was when she tried to use chemicals.**

Rick’s voice was soft,

“Chemicals?”

**She mixed Comet and bleach together. Not a lot of bleach, just enough to make a paste. She wanted to see what would happen. But she didn’t try that until I was ten. When I hit puberty everything went south.**

“What happened?”

**My dad had left before I was born and she had a few boyfriends every so often. When I was thirteen, one of them tried to-**

Eli paused and glanced at Rick’s face. His expression was carefully controlled but his eyes shined with anger.

**Well he tried something bad and she walked in. I had tried to scream but he had covered my mouth. She had yelled and shouted at him, raising hell and throwing him out on his ass while I cowered behind her. Once she had slammed the door on him, she had turned on me. I wasn’t expecting it and as a result I got this.**

She tapped her nose.

**And these,**

She slid her hands over the words beneath her breasts. 

**She said I had wanted him to do it. She said I must have begged him to touch me. That I was a slut and a whore and a bitch who tried to steal her boyfriend. She littered my ribs with cuts and carved in the words when she was done. I couldn’t go to school until I stopped bleeding through my shirt. Every night until I had healed she would crawl in my bed. She would hold me close and stroke her fingers all over me. She’d tell me that I was hers and no one else was allowed to touch me. To see me. I was too afraid to speak and too grateful for her touch to do anything.**

Eli scrubbed at the stray tears that had slid down her face. 

**I didn’t want him to touch me. I couldn’t make her see. I didn’t want it.**

Rick and Daryl wrapped their arms around her and squeezed her tight. 

“We know darlin’, you were just a kid, of course you didn’t want that.”

“She had no right to touch you. No right at all.”

They snuggled for a moment and then Eli pushed them away a little. 

**There’s more.**

The men nodded and settled against her sides again.

**I think she lost control when I turned 16. She’d come at me some days, just tear at my flesh.**

Eli paused for a second to gather her thoughts.

**We had gone on a camping trip one week after she had cut too deep. It had been** **_Freak_ ** **and she couldn’t get it to stop bleeding. Her hands shook when she tried to suture me so I had to take over. The pain had been phenomenal. Like nothing I had ever felt before and I had passed out once before it was done. Moving hurt too much so she called up the school to say we were going on vacation.**

**I had thought that the trip would be a reprieve. But I think she was angry that I had passed out. As soon as we were alone in the woods, she had pushed a tent stake through my shoulder and hammered it into the ground. It was to keep me from squirming too much.**

Rick reached behind her back to touch the wound. He had thought it was a bullet wound, but this was much worse. Daryl slid the collar of her shirt to the side and pressed lips to the exit wound. 

“She shouldn’t have done any of this darlin’.”

Eli nodded once and tilted her hand from side to side. Returning her pencil to paper, she wrote more.

**She shouldn’t have done it but it wasn’t her fault.**

Rick looked at her like she had struck him. Daryl opened his mouth to say something but she silenced him.

_ -You need to let me finish. I’m not through and I want to be. All will be explained.- _

Daryl nodded and relayed as much to Rick.

**Anyways. Once she had me pinned down, she had carved the wings. I tried to stay still and not scream, but sometimes she would angle the knife just so. I think she was hoping for a reaction. By the time she was finished, I couldn’t feel anything at all. When she pulled out the stake it had bled for a while. I had to cauterize it, and didn’t that hurt. I think it was the smell of burning flesh that made me puke. I pulled a couple stitches doing that and had to repair them. She spent the week putting little feathers all around the wings, on my arms and the back of my thighs. When we went home I was in terrible pain. But then she just stopped.**

“She stopped?” Daryl blurted, “But there’s more, we saw them.”

Eli nodded and tapped the pad of paper.

**She stopped. For a few months I had time to heal. But she didn’t just stop hurting me, she stopped touching me. She stopped looking at me and she stopped talking to me. It was like I didn’t exist. I would come home from school and she would be sitting at the kitchen table. I would sit beside her and tell her about my day and what I did and she never so much as twitched. It got to the point where I was begging her to look at me, to say anything. I was lonely, it got to the point where I missed her running blades over me. Where I would beg her to hurt me, just so I could know that I was still alive.**

“Stockholm Syndrome.” Rick had whispered.

Eli raised an eyebrow in silent question. Rick cleared his throat and said,

“When I was on the police force, they taught us about Stockholm Syndrome. It happens in cases like yours where a captive starts to express empathy for their captors. The abuser brainwashes their victim and the victim defends their actions. It wasn’t your fault darlin’.”

**I know it wasn’t my fault but it wasn’t hers either. Just let me finish and you’ll understand.**

“Okay sunshine, we’ll keep quiet now.”

**Thank you Daryl.**

**She ignored me for almost six months and I got used to just talking at her, never expecting a response. After those six months were done, it was like a switch had been flipped. She came back more violently than ever. She came in my room one night while I was sleeping and started scratching** **_Monster_ ** **into my stomach. I had gone half a year with no pain and I wasn’t expecting it. All I did was grunt but she took it as invitation to press harder. She went over it again and again. Every time it started to heal, she would open it back up again. Some nights she would rub salt into it. I tried to find a way to make her focus on a new area but she only hurt me at night. I finally gave up one night and lay down on my stomach. It hurt so bad to put pressure on it, but if she couldn’t reach it she couldn’t make it worse. That night she woke me up and held me close to her. I had cried and she had pet my hair and whispered sweet nothings to me. She coaxed me out into the kitchen and sat me down on a stool. She had me take off my shirt and she rubbed iodine into my stomach. I was half asleep still and not expecting what she did next.**

**I hadn’t noticed she had a knife on the stove. It was one of the big ones, I think a chef’s knife. She had it resting over the open flame and when the blade had turned red from the heat, she had come over and kneeled in front of me. At first she didn’t say anything. I remember closing my eyes when I felt the heat come close to my chest. And then there was fire sliding through my skin. I held myself perfectly still as she slid the blade through me and she started to mutter. She was saying I wasn’t her daughter, that I wasn’t real. She called me a demon and I didn’t dare to disagree with her. It hurt but it didn’t bleed and I felt grateful for that. When she stopped cutting me, I thought she was done.**

**I was wrong**

**She started in on** **_Angel._ ** **She took the sharpest knife in the house and she skinned me. She cut parts of me out and threw them in the trash. I screamed for that one. That was probably the worst one she gave me. Every night until it finally healed, she would come in my room and peel off the scabs. It never healed quite right, that’s why it looks the way it does. After that things were less intense. She would still occasionally open up** **_Monster_ ** **, but no new words were carved.**

**It was on my seventeenth birthday that she lost it. For a few weeks, she had been muttering and would occasionally shout at nothing. I usually hid from her, went into the forest and waited until I thought it was safe again. But it was my birthday and she had texted me while I was at school to say she had a surprise for me.**

**I got home and she was sitting at the table with a big cake. I had walked in and kissed her on the cheek, like usual. We sat together and ate, she even sang me ‘Happy Birthday.’ I spent the afternoon with her and she didn’t hurt me once. It was the most amazing day I had had in a long time. I said goodnight and hopped in the shower after that.**

**I had fallen asleep pretty early that night. I think she might have put something in the cake. Next thing I know, I’m being torn apart. The skin is being ripped on my back, she was slashing at me and pulling out chunks of my flesh. I started screaming, she wasn’t in control. She didn’t know what she was doing and all I could do was scream. I remember her curling her hand in my hair and dragging me up. She started screaming at me, telling me I wasn’t real and demanding I give her back her daughter. I kept trying to tell her that it was me, that I was her daughter. She wouldn’t listen though. She looked so angry.**

Eli’s writing was slanting and becoming shaky. Tears were in her eyes and she refused to look at the men beside her. Daryl and Rick rubbed hands over her back and brushed against her arms, offering silent comfort. There were a million things they wanted to say, but Eli had asked them not to.

**She held the knife to my throat and she pulled. It hurt so much. Blood sprayed everywhere and I was very sure I was going to die. I remember her standing above me one second and then kneeling beside me the next. Her eyes looked so clear in that moment and she was whispering to me. I don’t remember what she said, but I remember trying to speak. She had turned away from me and was on the phone. She had her knee pressed against the right side of my neck and I couldn’t speak or move or do anything at all. I lost consciousness.**

Eli took a deep breath and brushed aside her tears.

**I woke up in a hospital. They told me I had died. That I had been dead for nearly a minute while they had transported me here. I couldn’t speak still and they explained what had happened. My mother had severed my right recurrent laryngeal nerve and nicked the carotid artery located near it. They told me I was lucky she hadn’t severed it or I would have been dead before they could get to me. The doctor said that the nerves that had been damaged by the knife controlled my voice and breathing. They told me that with a lot of voice therapy, I might be able to speak again.**

**After a few months of recovery, they put me into a rehabilitation sort of place. I had been told that my mother was in a place for the criminally insane. That she wasn’t quite right in the head. They asked me all sorts of questions about my childhood and I had to write down the answers. When they were done, they had me sign a release and told me more about my mom. They said she had schizophrenia. That it must have started to develop in her early twenties and steadily got worse. When I wrote that she left me alone for nearly six months, they told me she had tried to get help. The doctors had put her on this medicine and it took her away. She wasn’t out of control, but she wasn’t able to do anything at all. When she had taken her last pill, she never went back for a refill. The doctors thought she was able to function, she never showed any symptoms at her job and I never let it show what she was doing to me. They told me she was a sick, sick woman but that she couldn’t control it. She would hallucinate and voices would tell her that I wasn’t her daughter. Or they would tell her I wasn’t real. When I was small, she was checking to see if I was real. She had reasoned that a hallucination wouldn’t feel pain.**

**She was trying to combat her disease. She really tried and there wasn’t anything I could do to help her. I didn’t even know. What kind of daughter am I? I didn’t even know that she was sick. It wasn’t her fault that she was that way. It wasn’t her fault.**

Rick pulled Eli into his lap and scooted closer to Daryl. 

“It’s not your fault either darlin’. You didn’t know, you couldn’t have known she was sick.”

Daryl slid his arms around Eli and Rick’s joined forms.

“This ain’t on you, sunshine. She hurt you for years, that ain’t on you.”

Eli nuzzled into Rick’s chest and peaked over his arm to meet Daryl’s gaze. She started to sign to him,

_ -I should have…- _

Daryl covered her hands with one of his own.

“There’s nothin’ you coulda done differently. You were just a kid.”

Eli looked away and nodded her head slightly. Squirming around in Rick’s lap, she wrote again.

**I can’t talk. They tried to fix me up but the damage was too severe. Sometimes I can’t breathe, but usually that passes. I spent the rest of the time I was in rehab learning how to sign. There aren’t a lot of people out there that can do it, but it gives me a little bit of freedom to speak without having to write so much. There were moments when the world became too much for me. I couldn’t work, I had no family, I couldn’t do anything at all anymore. I was getting disability from the state but it wasn’t much. I couldn’t find the will to live anymore.**

She felt Rick’s hand slide over the deep scar on her wrist. 

**I did that myself. But I must’ve wanted to live or something, because I didn’t die. Just sort of fell asleep and woke up to a big mess on my bed.**

She smiled weakly at them,

**Sewed myself up and decided to get on with my life. That was three or so years ago. Since the world ended, staying alive got a whole lot more simple.**

 

\------------------End Trigger Warning------------------

 

Eli let out a little giggle at that and put down the pencil and paper. Rick and Daryl held her close for a few more minutes. They whispered softly to her, just nonsense things, and peppered her hair with kisses. Eli accepted their affection and settled down. It had taken a lot to tell her whole story. 

After a few minutes, Eli nudged them both away. At their looks, she signed to Daryl,

_ -I don’t know about you, but all that writing has made me hungry!- _

Rick clapped his hands together,

“I know that one darlin’, you must be hungry again!”

Daryl looked at him, impressed. 

“Damn straight,” he said, “We best get to feeding our sunshine here before she blows away in the wind!”

Eli let out a raspy laugh and crawled out of the nest. Waiting patiently for one of them to help her walk, she giggled when Rick scooped her up and headed for the stairs. Slipping on his British accent, he spoke to Daryl,

“We shan’t allow such as a lady as Miss Eli too walk. That would be below her station.”

Daryl tried his best to imitate the accent,

“Right you are, old chap.”

Eli snorted and shook her head.

_ -Men.- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you make it through? 
> 
> Eli had it rough, but things are going to look up! Sometimes zombies are better than people


	14. Dinner is Served

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Fluff to drown out the pain of last chapter
> 
> Summary of last chapter: Eli's mama had schizophrenia and did some not nice things to her as a result. Some bonding happens between the trio as well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language

They arrived to the cafeteria just as dinner was being served. Rick placed Eli gingerly back on her feet and with a quick glance to Daryl, went off to find Hershel. Eli waved to Daryl and signed,

_ -Gonna find Carol, I miss her a bit.- _

He nodded and watched her hobble away. He needed to talk to Glenn and Maggie. 

\-----------------------

Sliding onto the bench across from the couple, he grunted in greeting.

“Hey Daryl,” Glenn replied, “What’s up?”

He cleared his throat and spoke to them both.

“I wanted to say sorry. For what Merle did.”

“Daryl, don’t go blaming yourself for that. He didn’t have a choice,” Maggie spoke with conviction.

“But you got hurt, and that ain’t right.”

Glenn rolled his eyes and smiled softly at him,

“When aren’t we getting hurt? Daryl, we are living in a world where the dead are walking. Sometimes we fall down, but we always get back up again.”

Daryl bit gently at his thumb and nodded. 

“Just had to get it out there.”

Maggie spoke softly,

“You’re a good man Daryl, don’t let your past rule you.”

\---------------------------------

Eli slid into the seat beside Carol and wrapped her arms around her waist. Carol looked down, startled. No one really touched each other in the camp, at least not so completely. She smiled down at unruly hair,

“Eli, I was wondering where you got off to. Rick and Daryl didn’t give you a hard time did they?”

Eli shook her head and smiled back. Carol frowned at her red rimmed eyes. 

“What’s the matter sweetie?”

Eli shrugged and signed something. Realizing Carol couldn’t understand, she whistled loudly once. Daryl’s eyes snapped up from across the cafeteria. Eli waved her arm broadly and beckoned him over. He rolled his eyes at her theatrics but stood all the same. Sauntering over to the women, he plopped down across from them and asked,

“What’s up sunshine?”

_ -Carol wants to know why my eyes are red.- _

Daryl nodded,

“And do you wanna tell her?”

Eli tilted her head to the side and thought for a moment.

_ -No, but I don’t know what else to say. Help?- _

Daryl offered her a sly look and raised his voice to say,

“She says seeing Rick’s ugly mug in the light of day made her cry.”

Eli snorted and tried to suppress the sound of her laughter. She was gasping and giggling still when Rick walked over and cuffed Daryl over the head. While the other man was distracted, the excop slid onto the bench beside him.

“What was that Daryl, sounded like you were saying how gorgeous I look when the light hits my eyes.”

Eli burst out with deep barks of laughter, her eyes tearing in the corners. Waving her hand weakly at the men, she tried to catch her breath. 

“You see, my presence leaves her breathless!”

“Yeah, that’s ‘cause you smell so bad. You’re suffocating sunshine!”

Eli held her stomach and laughed without sound for a few moments. Looking up, her cheeks were flushed and she glared at the boys across from her. She pinched her lips together and tried to stifle her giggling and signed a few very rude things.

“Hey! I know that one darlin’, no need to be so graphic, there’s young people about!”

Eli snorted one last time and leaned into Carol’s side again. Carol eyed the trio with interest. 

“Well, it seems like you three are getting along just fine, aren’t you?”

She gave Rick and Daryl a meaningful look and winked at them when they blushed. Giving Eli one final squeeze, she pushed away from the table and said,

“I’m off to relieve Beth, Judith is probably hungry again.”

Eli perked up and tapped Carol’s arm. Carol glanced at her and then Daryl. Eli signed to Daryl.

“She wants to know if you can feed Lil Asskicker out here.”

Eli looked at Rick shyly, it was his baby, but if Carol was already going to feed her, it would be nice to see her again. Rick grinned back and Carol nodded, 

“I’ll be right back.”

Eli clapped her hands softly and fidgeted on the bench. Rick smiled between her and Daryl and the hunter rolled his eyes. Eli stuck her tongue out at him. Looking a bit passed them, she waved her arm. Rick and Daryl turned to see Carl walking in. 

“Hey Eli, Dad, Daryl.”

Carl slid into the seat next to Eli with a plate of food. Eli’s stomach growled at the sight of it and she grinned sheepishly at Rick’s disapproving look.

“You’re ‘sposed to eat, sunshine.”

_ -Well you guys said I shouldn’t walk much with sutures in my feet!- _

To prove her point she wiggled one foot against each man’s leg. 

Rick grabbed her leg and inspected the stitching. 

“You did good Daryl,”

He grunted and pushed away from the bench. Worried she had done something wrong, Eli tapped the tabletop twice to get his attention.

_ -Where are you going?- _

He looked at her solemnly and said,

“Someone’s gotta feed you, since Rick here seems pretty useless.”

“Hey! Grab me a plate too, sweetheart.”

Daryl flipped him off over his shoulder. Eli reached out and gently slapped Rick’s chest. Waggling a finger at him, she mouthed,

_ Don’t tease! _

Carl grinned at the exchange. 

“Don’t worry Eli, Daryl’s not really mad. He’s just messing with Dad.”

Eli smiled and gave him a quick squeeze. Carl looked startled but patted her arm all the same. Once she released Carl, a pair of muscular arms bracketed her shoulders and plopped a plate down in front of her. Tilting her head up, Eli looked into Daryl’s deep blue eyes.

She signed a quick thank you and he pressed a kiss to her crown.

“Even got a plate for you, your royal highness,” Daryl teased, dropping a plate in front of Rick as well.

Scooting around the table to sit beside Rick again, Daryl was surprised to feel him lean against him.

“Well thank you, my good man,” Rick replied with a snooty voice.

Daryl snorted and swatted at him before tucking into his food. He and Eli were both shoveling food into their mouths with their bare hands. Carl and Rick exchanged a disgusted look. 

“Jeez were you two raised in a barn?” Rick commented playfully.

Eli held Rick’s gaze and slowly scratched her nose with her middle finger. 

Daryl snorted at that,

“Nah, just the forest man. Ain’t no forks out there.”

Eli smiled sweetly at Daryl and stuck her tongue out at Rick and Carl. Carl let out a puff of laughter. 

“It’s gross, but we’ve done worse, remember that time we had to eat dog food?”

Rick’s face fell, but he replied with a forced smile,

“Yeah I do Carl, that was pretty nasty wasn’t it. At least Daryl rustled up some squirrel to go with it!”

Carl chuckled and tucked back into his meal, completely oblivious to the adults' dismay. 

Eli eyed the two men across from her. They looked terribly sad, their lips pinched together and shoulders sagged. Eli dragged her toes over their shins to get their attention. Shooting them a soft smile, she signed to Daryl,

_ -Last winter sucked, I had to eat moss and pinecones. Pinecones! There’s nothing yummy about pinecones! Tell Carl, maybe he’ll think it’s funny.- _

Daryl relayed all of this to the table and Carl grinned widely at her,

“Pinecones? Really? How’d you manage to swallow them?”

Eli mimed chewing very carefully and screwed her face up to make it look disgusting. Carl chortled for a moment and did his impression of pinecone eating. Eli glanced over at Rick and caught his grateful glance. No one wanted to remember the bad times. 

Carl looked up and called across the room,

“Carol! Come sit with us.”

Carol strolled along with a bubbly Judith perched on her hip. Judith took one look at Daryl and reached for him eagerly. Carol laughed at the baby's enthusiasm. 

“Looks like she’s looking for you Pookie.”

Daryl sucked his fingers clean one by one and wiped the spit on his pants. 

“You lookin’ for me? Huh Lil Asskicker, you miss ole’ Daryl?”

Judith kicked her legs and gurgled, her arms outstretched desperately for Daryl. Daryl scooped her out of Carol’s arms and blew a raspberry on her stomach. She screeched and twisted her tiny fists into Daryl’s hair. Tugging harshly, she babbled at Daryl who paid rapt attention, even nodding along when she paused to look at him. Rick grinned at the sight the two made,

“What, not even a hello for your daddy? You’d think I was chopped liver compared to him!”

“You’re worse than that Rick, she loves me best ‘cause I don’t scold her for yanking on my hair.”

Eli wheezed out a laugh and Judith paused mid babble to look at her. Focusing her tiny blue eyes on Eli, Judith’s face lit up when she recognized her. Releasing Daryl’s hair and flailing her limbs, she wiggled to escape Daryl’s grasp.

“Whoa there, looks like she’s found someone she likes even more than me!”

Daryl sat Judith down on the table and slid her over to Eli. Eli reached out and waited for Judith to scoot the rest of the way. When she made it, Eli leaned down and rained kisses on her face.

_ -Who’s such a good girl? You’re such a smart little girl, aren’t you baby?- _

Eli gesticulated to the baby while mouthing the words. Judith clapped her hands together and rested one over Eli’s lips. She was paying very close attention to motions of Eli’s hand, eyes following every sweep. Rick watched Eli and Judith interact with a soft look. Judith looked right wrapped up in Eli’s arms. She looked safe and comfortable. Daryl pressed their thighs together under the table. He was sharing the same thoughts as Rick. Eli mouthed at Judith and signed,

_ -Are you hungry? Do you want some milk?- _

Judith imitated milk, squeezing her hand open and closed at Eli. Rick watched, surprised. Daryl spoke,

“She’s just copying, she don’t know what it is yet.”

Eli looked at him,

_ -But she’ll learn! Babies are much better at this than adults. Can you get her some milk?- _

Daryl started to get up, but Carol beat him to it. She placed the bottle in front of Eli and swung her legs onto the bench beside her. Eli tapped her chin in thanks and tested the bottle on her arm. Carol let out a little chuckle,

“Don’t worry, it’s not hot. We’ve been at this a while.”

Eli nodded and popped the nipple into Judith’s mouth. Judith held the bottle firmly with two hands and guzzled it. Eli smiled at her and tipped her head to Daryl in inquiry.

“What sunshine?”

She mouthed  _ milk _ to him and he nodded.

“Baby,” he called.

Judith dragged her eyes from Eli’s face and focused on Daryl. He pointed at her bottle and signed,

_ -Milk.- _

He did it a couple times until she shifted her eyes back to Eli. Looking up at her, she pulled away one hand from the bottle and opened and closed her small fist. Eli grinned at her proudly, her expression full of praise. 

Judith finished the formula in a few minutes and Eli flipped her around to burp her. 

“Here sunshine,” Daryl offered her a rag from his pocket. 

She nodded in thanks and threw it over her shoulder. Once the baby had been burped, Eli cradled her again. Judith tugged gently on a strand of long black hair and nodded off. 

“Looks like you’re a natural,” Carol praised. 

Eli blushed and shook her head lightly. She’d never done this before. Babies weren’t something she saw often, in the old world or the new. A question dawned on her and she signed to Daryl,

_ -Mom?- _

Rick recognized the word from their earlier conversation and shook his head minutely. His eyes promised to explain later and Eli nodded carefully. Carl stood from his seat and stretched. Holding his arms out, he said,

“I’ll take her. I’m tired so I’ll probably just go to bed myself.”

Eli reluctantly passed the baby to her big brother. She signed to him and Daryl translated,

“You’re a good brother.”

Carl blushed and leaned down to give Eli a quick hug. Scurrying off, Eli was left sitting with a stunned look on her face. Rick looked impressed,

“Seems like he likes you too.”

Carol smiled at the three. 

“I’m headed off too, I need to take in some clothes before bed.”

Eli waved goodbye to her and turned her attention back to the men. 

_ -Where do I sleep? Back in the cell?- _

Daryl thought for a moment. 

“Where we gonna put her Rick?”

“I don’t know. Do you have a preference for the first floor or second floor, darlin’? Most of us live up a level, offers a little more privacy. We’ve got some curtains to hang over the bars too.”

Eli shrugged, not meeting their eyes. 

“What’s up sunshine?”

Eli glanced at Rick and covered her eyes. Rick nodded in understanding.

“She doesn’t like the dark, I stayed with her last night when she got scared.” 

Daryl held his breath and bit his thumb roughly. Mulling this new information over, he spoke lowly,

“You can stay with me tonight. Stars are out, make things a little brighter. Tomorrow Rick and me can scout out a cell near a window.”

Eli nodded her head gratefully. Daryl stood and limped over to her side of the table. 

“We’re gonna hit the bathroom first. I ain’t goin’ up and down stairs in the dark. Plus, I don’t wanna hear Glenn and Maggie bumpin’ uglies at midnight.”

Maggie turned to glare at him while Glenn buried his head in his arms. Daryl snickered and wrapped an arm around Eli’s waist. 

“You gotta walk a little. I’ll support you but my leg ain’t so hot anymore.”

_ -You used it too much! You can’t get shot and then march all over a prison!- _

“Yeah yeah, blah blah blah.”

Rick grinned at the pair. 

“I’ll follow you two, make sure he doesn’t toss you down a flight of stairs by accident.”

Eli snorted and the trio made their way down to the bathrooms. Refreshed, they parted ways at the stairwell to the roof. Eli squeezed Rick around the middle and nuzzled her face into his chest. She pulled away and tapped her palm to her chin.

“Don’t mention it darlin’, you need someone to talk to, you come find me.”

Daryl tugged Eli away and called over his shoulder,

“What do you know, I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.”

Rick gave him the finger and continued to his cell,

“Goodnight.”

“‘Night.”


	15. Rick's Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fairly short chapter, Rick only

Rick crept into the cell he shared with Carl and Judith. He lay on his thin bed and stared at the bunk above his, contemplating the day he had. It had felt more like a year. Never, not once in the nearly two years that he had known Daryl had he ever opened up about his past. But one day in the presence of Eli, in the presence of a girl who they didn’t even know, and he spilled his guts like water from a bucket. Daryl was never one for displays of affection, he didn’t like to be touched, and knowing what he did now, Rick wasn’t surprised. But with Eli, Daryl had allowed him to touch, to soothe and hold him close. He had even willingly initiated contact. Daryl was always around to offer a few words of wisdom or support, but he had never offered himself in a tangible way. 

Rick scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed softly. 

And then there was Eli. His eyes had certainly been opened by her. In all of his years as a police officer, he’d never seen anyone with as many scars as her. She had been  _ tortured _ for years. How she had managed to survive was beyond him. Yet, she was so strong. She had shown herself to him and Daryl, had shared her story and answered their questions. And she was so good with Carl and Judith. She had held and cared for the baby like it was nothing, feeding her and doting on her. Rick was ashamed. A stranger, a newcomer was able to care for his daughter better than he had been able to. Before Daryl and Carl had knocked some sense into him, he hadn’t even been able to bare the sight of her.

Shaking his head lightly, he cleared his mind of distractions. Hershel had told him about the survivors from the Governor. He had been right, they had been scared and lied to by their leader. They hadn’t realize they were attacking a peaceful community or that there were children inside. The Governor had told his people that Rick was going to come after Woodbury, their home, and kill all of them. They had been told that his people were bloodthirsty, with no morals. They had felt like they had no choice but to go to war. 

When they had seen their leader firing with careless abandon, many of them tried to hide. By the time they had realized that they were the bad guys, it had been too late. Hershel had listened to their story and told them that they were welcome to stay, as long as they didn’t hold any animosity for their people. Rick had agreed with Hershel’s words, not that it mattered anymore. After Lori had died, he had given up on being a leader. It hurt too much to have everyone depending on him, looking for him to guide them. Hershel had stepped up and formed a council with some of the other people in the group. It had been a blessing for Rick. 

He had been given a plot of land in the yard to start a garden. It was hard work, but he felt good about what he was doing to support his people. They had some vegetables coming along and the runners had brought him back some new seeds to plant. In a few years, they’d be able to sustain themselves without having to travel into the nearby towns for supplies. This was what Rick needed to stay sane. He needed a place to call home, a place to raise his children safely. The winter prior to finding the prison had been horrible. With Lori pregnant and everyone starving, people had blamed Rick. Only a few people had said it outright, but it was in their eyes. When they had looked at him, there had been mistrust and anger. The only person that never once looked at him wrong was Daryl. Daryl who had been out everyday trying to hunt something for them to eat. Who had scraped more food off of his plate and onto Lori’s than was safe for himself. 

Daryl was a godsend for Rick. Without him, Rick wouldn’t have made it this far. He had stepped up when Rick had faltered. Kept their people fed, and relatively comfortable at the expense of himself. He had even been the first to feed Judith, the first to really care about her and what happened to her. 

Rick yawned widely. Blinking his eyes slowly, the last thought that went through his mind was that without Daryl, he would be dead. 


	16. Daryl's Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl explains Rick's past to Eli, and in the process realizes he's paid way more attention to their wayward leader than he thought

Eli stared at the steps leading to the roof skeptically. Daryl wouldn’t be able to carry her with his leg as sore as it was now, but she would have trouble with her sutures. Daryl paused in his ascent and glanced back at her.

“You could sit on your butt and go up.”

Eli blushed and sent him a glare. He shrugged and continued on his way.

“Or you can sleep in here. Your choice sunshine.”

Eli huffed and sat on the first step. Making her way up the stairs was slow and a little embarrassing, but Daryl was waiting for her at the top. Pulling her up, he ushered her out into the open. 

The air was cool but not cold and the stars were indeed shining. Eli stared at them in wonder for a moment before crawling into the nest after Daryl. He patted the blankets beside him and lay down. Eli scooted in beside him and rolled to face him. Patting his chest to get his attention, she signed,

_ -Thank you.- _

“For what?”

_ -For letting me be up here with you. For listening to my story. For sharing yours. For everything I guess.- _

Daryl rolled onto his side to face her. 

“S’nothing. Anyone would’ve done it.”

Eli frowned and shook her head. 

_ -No one’s done it before.- _

Daryl eyed her for a moment, trying to see if she was telling the truth. Deciding she was being honest, he lifted a hand to brush the hair away from her face. 

Without meaning to, Eli flinched. It was still pretty dark, even with the stars out and she wasn’t expecting the touch. Daryl’s hand froze between them and he slowly withdrew it. Maybe she didn’t want him to touch her. Maybe she was only okay with Rick doing it and just let him out of pity. All of his insecurities rose to the surface and he tensed up. 

Eli saw a million thoughts fly through Daryl’s mind and watched as he shut down. She hadn’t meant to make him upset! Reaching out herself, she slid an arm over his hips. He stiffened slightly against her. She pulled herself closer to his body and curled into his chest. Making a soft sound in her mouth, she settled against him. Waiting, she counted the moments it took for Daryl to unwind his muscles. He finally relaxed and slid his arm over her middle. 

“This alright sunshine?” He asked softly. 

Eli nodded, nuzzling against him and breathing deeply. He smelled good. Like the forest and motor oil, clean but undeniably masculine. She couldn’t ‘say’ anything what with her being tucked into Daryl, so she just pushed her nose harder into his sternum and rubbed her face back and forth. She felt his chest rumble and he puffed a laugh into her hair. 

“What’re you doin’? Smellin’ me?”

Eli smiled to herself and nodded enthusiastically. 

“Well get a good whiff, I don’t shower everyday you know.”

Eli gurgled a little in laughter and pulled her hand away from Daryl’s hip. Slipping it between their bodies, she rested it over his heart and felt the steady rhythm it produced. After a moment, she pressed both hands together against him and opened them like a book. Daryl shifted slightly back from her and looked down to see what she was doing. Recognizing the sign, he spoke gruffly,

“I ain’t got no books sunshine.”

Eli repeated the gesture and butted her head against him softly. Daryl let out a sigh,

“Alright, I’ll tell you a story. What’d you wanna hear?”

Eli thought for a second and then cradled her arms together. 

“About Judith?”

She nodded and pressed her thumb to her chin, fingers spread wide.

“You wanna hear about Lori and Judith.”

Daryl sighed and pulled Eli tighter in his embrace. 

“It ain’t a nice story sunshine. I’ll tell you though, so Rick won’t have to.”

Daryl respected the man. Rick had done a great deal for him, and allowing him to open up about his father had gone a long way in his mind. Anything he could do to help Rick, to give him time to heal over everything that had gone wrong in their lives, he would do it. If that meant talking for longer than he'd done in his life, he'd give it a shot.

“When all this mess started, Rick wasn’t part of our group. Rick had been shot in the shoulder, put him in a coma. I’m sure you saw the scar.”

Eli nodded lightly and wrapped a hand around his bicep.

“But he got shot before the dead started walkin’. When he woke up, shit had already hit the fan. I dunno how he got out, but he escaped the hospital and found Glenn. You met him."

She signed  _ -kind- _ between them. Daryl nodded.

“Yeah, he’s nice. Anyways. A lot of shit went down. Rick got with Glenn and everyone else that was out on the run. My brother was there too, Merle. Sonofabitch was high as a kite and Rick had to handcuff him to the roof. T-dog, a guy in our group, dropped the fuckin’ keys and they had to leave him up there.”

Eli squeezed his arm gently and she felt him press a kiss to her hair in return.

“So they get back to the group, and what do you know, Rick’s family is there. Carl and Lori are his kid and wife and his partner from the force is our leader. As soon as Lori saw Rick, it was like her little world fell apart. See, she and Shane, Rick’s bestfriend, had been bumping uglies since the whole thing started. When Rick showed up, that put a damper on things. I was out huntin’ and came back to find my brother missing. I said some stuff, but Rick stepped up real quick. Said it was his fault and he wanted to make it right. I didn’t trust him, but if he was gonna help me get my brother, I figured he couldn’t be all bad. We headed out and didn’t find Merle. Found his hand though. Sick bastard sawed it off to get out of the cuffs.”

Eli shuddered and rubbed a circle into her chest. 

“S’fine. He didn’t die. But Lori was some kinda pissed that her husband, who she thought dead, had run off again with the redneck to save his junkie brother. Got back and all hell broke loose. Walkers overran the camp and we lost a few people. Lori’s blamin’ Rick for everything and Rick’s blamin’ himself. Shane’s been staring daggers at Rick for a while too. We were on the road, travelling to find a place when a horde passed through. Carol lost her daughter. Little girl named Sophia, she got scared and ran. I tried to find her. I tracked her for so long, but I couldn’t find her. I tried so hard.”

Daryl took a shuddering breath and felt Eli burrow deeper into his embrace. Thinking about Sophia hurt him. When he was a kid, he had been lost in the forest for nine days. Those were the worst days of his life, he had been terrified and alone and no one was looking for him. He knew Sophia would feel much worse than he had and he had been determined to find her. When he had lost her trail, he had been devastated. But he didn’t give up hope. Not until they found her later. 

“We were starving, missing kid or no, so Rick and me took Carl on a hunt. We come across this big buck, most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. Course, Carl wanted to look at it before we killed it. He even managed to get right up close to the damn thing, wasn’t spooked or nothin’. Then we hear a shot and he just dropped. Boy had been out with me and his daddy, shoulda been safe as can be. Another man was huntin’ too, got the deer, but the buckshot went through and into Carl. I’ve never run faster in my life. Ran him all the way back to the man’s place. His name was Otis. He was a good man, didn’t mean to harm Carl. The rest of the group shows up and Lori starts screaming somethin’ awful at Rick, like it was his fault Carl got shot. Shane’s up and down his ass too, sayin’ he should never have come back, how everything was fine before Rick took over the group. I couldn’t do it. Had to go out and hunt. I come back and meet the man who owns the house Carl’s in. His name’s Hershel, he’s the guy with one leg that Rick was talkin’ to at lunch. After a few days on the farm, waitin’ for Carl to get better, Glenn starts gettin’ shifty. He’s hiding somethin’ but no one really noticed. It was Maggie, Hershel’s daughter, that got it out of him. Lori had asked for Plan B. She was pregnant. Seems like Rick was one of the last ones to know too.”

Eli stiffled a yawn and slid a leg thru Daryl’s. She nodded for him to continue. His voice was rough from overuse, but he wanted to save Rick from having to explain this.

“Shane seemed to think that the baby was his. Rick might’ve thought so too, but Lori told him she wanted it to be his and he’s a good man. He wouldn’t abandon her or her unborn child, no matter what she had done. Push came to shove and Shane tried to kill Rick. Rick put him down but anyone with eyes could see it hurt him to do it. Shane was as good as his brother, they grew up together. We found Sophia too, she’d been bit. I tried to put her down, tried to do that for Carol. But it was Rick. Rick took the burden from all of us and added it to his shoulders. That man, he’s done more for us that anyone really knows. We had to leave, a herd came through, destroyed everything. I grabbed Carol on my bike and we drove off. Andrea, a woman from our group died. She was too far away and there wasn’t room on the bike for her and Carol. I tried to get to her, but the walkers were faster.”

Eli kissed his chest softly and stroked her hand over his shoulders. Daryl released a deep breath and went on.

“Then it was winter. We were on the run, no shelter and Lori just kept gettin’ bigger. The baby in her was suckin’ her dry though. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on her, I kept givin’ her extra food, hopin’ it would help. When we found the prison, it was the answer to our prayers. We cleared out the yard and fortified the fences a bit. We found people though. Axel and Oscar, you mighta seen them around. But this one asshole, he fuckin’ tries to off Rick. Threw a walker at him, then tried to put an axe in his head. We put him out to be eaten by the walkers. Didn’t work though. He came back and turned on these alarms, walkers came outta the woodwork. Lori was ready to pop, but she and Carl and Maggie got separated from all of us. No one knows what happened, but Carl and Maggie came back with a baby but no Lori. Rick lost it. He went down into the rooms where Judith had been born to try and find her. I followed him, to be sure he was safe. He didn’t want me though. He pushed me away and we didn’t see him for weeks. We have this new baby, no food, no mom, no nothin’ and Rick was just gone. I went out on a run and came back as soon as I could. Mixed up some formula and fed Lil’ Asskicker her very first meal. Took a while, but Rick came around. Seemed like he was scared though. He couldn’t lead us no more, Hershel took over and formed a council to decide on important stuff. Rick, he couldn’t even look at Judith. I don’t blame him. Here’s this little girl, who’s here instead of the woman he married and cared for, and she doesn’t look a bit like him. ‘Course, she looked like any baby, but Rick was sure it meant she wasn’t his. Took him time to decide that it didn’t matter none. Carl was his son and she was his sister. Rick’s a good man, he just gets lost sometimes. We all do.”

Eli waited for him to go on, but it seemed like he was done. She smoothed her hand down his side, petting him gently for a time. Daryl felt himself melt into the blankets below them, unused to such a soothing touch. He reached around behind himself and threw a comforter over them both. Eli felt his arm curl around her and she slowed her strokes. Gently trailing her fingers over a small expanse of his skin, she heard him sigh slightly. Her fingers stuttered to a halt and her breathing evened out. She thought she heard Daryl speak just as she slipped into sleep.

“Thank you sunshine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Do you like where this story is headed? Do you have questions?


	17. Understanding Dawns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff! And some progression towards something between our trio

When Eli woke the following morning, it was to an empty nest. She sat up quickly, eyes searching for Daryl in the dim light of early dawn. She spotted him resting near the stairwell, a cigarette clasped in his lips. She smiled to herself at the sight of him. His shoulders were relaxed and he was resting one arm on his bent knee. Eli whistled softly to get his attention. Daryl’s head snapped up and he offered her a slight smile.

“Mornin’ sunshine.”

Eli wiggled out of the nest with a blanket clasped in her hands and scooted towards Daryl on her knees. Plopping herself down beside him, she threw the blanket over his lap and snuggled into his side. 

_ -Cigarettes will kill you.- _ she signed matter-of-factly. 

Daryl snorted and took another drag. Eli huffed out a laugh and plucked the butt from between his lips. He looked down at her startled and couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Eli poked her tongue out at him and pulled in the smoke. Looking towards the rising sun, she released it and handed back the cigarette. 

_ -I like mornings. When it’s quiet and it feels like nothing can hurt you.- _

Daryl grunted and wrapped an arm around Eli’s shoulders. His mind went back to her scars. She had mentioned getting most of them in the night. Seeing the dawn must have given her hope during that time. For Daryl, it brought peace. His daddy would be passed out from a night of drinking and he’d have time to be alone. 

Eli felt Daryl tense and guessed at where his thoughts had gone. She pushed herself closer to his body. Slipping one hand into his, she intertwined their fingers and turned back to the sunrise.

Daryl felt himself relax at her touch. He liked having Eli close, enjoyed and even hoped for physical contact with the woman. He’d never sought out companionship, always too afraid to show his body to any potential partners. It wasn’t that he was afraid they would think him ugly, he didn’t care about that. It was that he couldn’t allow himself to trust them. Trust that they wouldn’t leave him as soon as he started to care about them. Trust that they wouldn’t mock him for being weak. Eli hadn’t even known him a week and he already trusted her with his life. The only other person he felt that comfortable with was Rick, and he’d known him for almost two years now. 

Daryl was startled from his thoughts when the door to the roof opened. He jumped away from Eli, wrenching his arm from her grasp and had his crossbow up and aimed when Rick came into view. He immediately threw both hands up in surrender.

“Whoa there Dare, s’just me now, no need to be pointin’ that thing at anyone.”

Daryl lowered the crossbow and bit his thumb apologetically.

“Sorry Rick, don’t know who I thought it was. S’early still, what’re you doin’ up?”

Eli tapped her hand on the wall she leaned against and waved once Rick had focused on her. 

“Couldn’t sleep, what are ya’ll doin’ up so early?”

Daryl shrugged, 

“I’m always up this early, how bout you sunshine?”

She gestured to the sun and then patted the ground on either side of her. 

_ -I like to watch the sun come up. Come sit with me.- _

Rick watched her hands carefully as she ‘spoke’, trying to figure out what words meant what. Daryl translated and both men lowered themselves to sit beside her. She tugged a corner of the blanket over them and reached for their hands. Once she had one hand grasped firmly in each of her own, she sighed and relaxed again.  Rick and Daryl shared a look over her head. It was obvious that Eli craved affection, and it appeared to be mostly physical. Rick wasn’t sure what to think about it. He enjoyed holding Eli, liked it a lot if he was being honest with himself. But he also craved the small amount of attention Daryl had been giving him. It was obvious to him that Daryl liked being close to Eli and a part of him was jealous that she had won him over so easily. He shook his head and Eli shot him a questioning look. Smiling at her and then Daryl, he said,

“Nothin’ darlin’. Just thinkin’ too much.”

Daryl snorted, “Don’t hurt yourself.”

Rick gave him the finger with his freehand and the three of them laughed together. Eli gave one last giggle and pressed her hands together. The action forced the back of Rick and Daryl’s hands together and they were surprised when Eli released them. She rearranged their hands in her lap and curled the fingers of Rick’s hand over Daryl’s. Rick gave him a soft squeeze and he blushed but didn’t let go. Satisfied that both men were comfortable, Eli began to sign.

_ -So, what am I going to do around here.- _

“Well there’s not much you can do to help with sutures in your feet, sunshine.”

Rick nodded, grasping what Eli had asked from Daryl’s response. 

“What are you good at? We can find you somethin’ once you’ve healed up.”

Eli thought for a moment and then signed to Daryl.

“She says she’s good at tracking, but not so much at hunting. She’s good at working outside and other normal chores.”

He waited while Eli signed a few more things.

“She says that she could teach sign language and that she’s very good at self defense.”

Rick looked at her skeptically.

“What sort of self defense darlin’?”

_ -Tell him I’ll show him when my feet are better. It won’t help against walkers, but it will help against people. I think it’s important for everyone to know, but especially the women and children.- _

Daryl relayed this all and Rick nodded his head.

“Sounds real good, we hadn’t thought of any of that. Usually we don’t come up against people, just the Woodbury group you saw when you got here.”

Eli’s eyes hardened.

_ -You’ll see. People aren’t what they were anymore. You’ll see.- _

Daryl eyed her with his lips pressed together. 

“You had to use your skills on anyone since the end, sunshine?”

Eli tilted her hand,

_ -Only a few times, mostly I run and hide. I’m good at hiding. But I’ve seen what people do to each other now. I’ve seen what they can become.- _

Daryl squeezed Rick’s hand and relayed Eli’s words. 

“If you think it’s a good idea, we’ll get people out and learnin’ with you. But you gotta rest and let your feet heal first darlin’.”

Eli nodded and gestured to the stairs,

_ -Is it too early for breakfast?- _

Daryl let out a chuckle,

“Nah sunshine, we can go get ya somethin’ to eat.”

Eli grinned broadly and turned to Rick with her arms cradled. 

“Judy’s with Carl still, she should be wakin’ up soon though. You wanna feed her again?”

Eli tilted her fist up and down and shoved at Daryl. He rolled out from under the blanket and swatted at her back.

“Watch it sunshine, I bite.”

She snorted,

_ -I bet your bark is a whole lot worse than your bite, and your bark isn’t even scary.- _

Rick regarded the two with quiet contemplation. They looked good together, two damaged souls connecting. It helped that Eli had to rely entirely on Daryl to translate for her, that would form a pretty strong bond. Shaking his head slightly, Rick vowed to learn sign language himself. If it would help Eli, he would do anything. Pulling himself off of the ground, he scooped up the petite woman and headed for the stairs.

“Let’s get goin’ then, would be a shame if she wasted away to nothin’ in our care.”

Daryl nodded solemnly and held the door for the two.

“It’d be a damn shame.”

Eli blushed and hid her face against Rick’s chest. The men trudged down the stairs and headed towards Rick’s cell. When they arrived, Rick set Eli down carefully on her feet. He brushed aside the curtain covering the bars and disappeared inside. After a moment, he reappeared with a sleepy Judith cradled in his arms. Daryl hurried towards him and scooped her up. He bent his head close to her face and whispered sweet things in her ear. Judith focused on his face and cooed softly at him. 

Rick smiled and affectionately brushed his hand down Daryl’s arm. Daryl glanced at him and felt his cheeks redden slightly. He nodded his head towards Eli,

“Why don’t you grab sunshine over there and we’ll head down for some grub.”

Rick grinned at him and lifted Eli once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoot me a comment if you'd like, I'm just pumped to get my first one, I know i've read thousands of fics and only commented a couple times so no worries if you don't feel like it


	18. Hide and Seek pt I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli gets fed up and runs off, Daryl goes after her frantically. Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language

The days progressed slowly with Eli off her feet. She tried her best to help out where she could, washing dishes or looking after Judith. It was a struggle for her. She wanted to do more, but whenever someone from the group caught her hobbling around, they would scoop her up and drop her in a chair. They always laughed when she pouted at them, but it really was hard to be so useless. 

It was one such day that Eli nearly lost it. She had been sneaking around, minding her own business and trying to get a scope of the prison. But it seemed like someone was waiting for her around every corner and she kept getting picked up. It had to have been the tenth time in the last three hours when she exploded. 

One of the Woodbury people had been toting her around, a woman named Tara. She was surprisingly strong and didn’t budge one inch when Eli shoved against her arms. The woman seemed nice enough, she chattered at Eli while she walked them towards the dining hall. But Eli had just wanted to explore a little and she knew how much she could do before she needed to rest. She felt hot tears welling up in her eyes. It wasn’t fair.

Making a decision, she arched her back and rolled out of Tara’s arms. The woman spluttered and tried to catch Eli as she fell. She landed hard on her hands and knees and bounced up onto her feet. Dodging Tara, she ran out of the room, feet slapping painfully on the hard concrete. She ran without direction, ducking down corridors and slipping down stairs. 

The light was faint when Eli slowed, but at least it was quiet. No one else seemed to be down here and Eli finally felt herself relax. Coming to a door, she pushed it open and went inside. Sliding it shut, she slid down it to sit. Now that she was alone, she allowed herself to cry. 

The tears slid down her cheeks in waves and she sucked in broken breaths. She felt completely overwhelmed by her emotions. Trying to regain control, she lifted her fist and let it drop onto the floor. She did this countless times, trying to match her breathing to her makeshift rhythm. She focused on that, imagining Rick’s voice in her head, telling her to breathe with him again. 

She startled violently when someone tried to open the door behind her. Eli dug the heels of her feet into the ground and pressed her back harder into the metal, trying to keep whoever it was out. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. She was a mess and whoever wanted in would probably just carry her away again. When the door slid open a crack, she slammed her palm into it. Glancing at it, she was shocked to see her knuckles were bloody. 

Awareness filtered through her and a voice reached her ears,

“Dammit Eli, open the fuckin’ door.”

She scrambled away just as Daryl kicked it open. He just about tumbled into the room without her blocking his path. He looked around wildly for a moment until his eyes caught sight of her on the floor. Breathing a sigh of relief, he fell to his knees before her and wrapped his arms around her. He was shaking slightly and held her tighter when she didn’t react. 

Eli felt frozen. She hadn’t expected anyone to come looking for her, she figured they’d realize that she wanted to be left alone. But Daryl was holding her so closely, clinging to her like a lifeline. Slowly, so as not to alarm him, she raised a hand and pressed it to his chest. She felt his heart flutter against his ribs, a frantic staccato beating into her palm. He pulled back and grasped her shoulders. 

“What happened? We looked everywhere for you! Tara said you’d just run off, did she hurt you?”

Eli cupped his face in her hands and shook her head. He leaned into her touch and relaxed a tiny bit. 

“What happened?” He asked again.

Eli sighed and pulled her hands away from him, before she could sign anything, he caught sight of her knuckles and wrenched her hand close to his face again. Gently prodding at the wounds, he whipped out his handkerchief and wrapped it around her fingers. Eli waited patiently for him to finish. Once he was done, he pulled her into his lap. Huffing at him, she pushed her way back to freedom and sat in front of him. Daryl looked at her in confusion.

_ -I don’t want to be held. I’m a full grown woman, not a child.- _

Daryl frowned at her but held his tongue. She raised an eyebrow, expecting him to interrupt. When it became clear he was going to listen, she continued.

_ -I understand that I’m not supposed to be on my feet, but I know my limits. I’ve been out there alone for two years now. I know what I can and can’t do.- _

“But,” Eli cut him off with a dirty look.

_ -There’s no buts. I am 23 years old Daryl, and I didn’t get much of a childhood besides. I can take care of myself.- _

Daryl shot her a hurt expression and she pushed her fingers through her hair in exasperation.

_ -Daryl, I love it when you and Rick look out for me. I really do appreciate that. But the entire camp has been watching me nonstop for almost a week now. I can’t go anywhere on my own and no one is letting me walk at all. I don’t like everyone touching me. I don’t need to be carried everywhere. I’m not a baby. It’s humiliating to be treated like one. And I can’t even fucking argue with anyone. You’re the only person in this whole goddamn prison who can understand me.- _

She heaved out a deep breath and lay her hands in her lap. She had said her piece, hopefully Daryl would understand. The man himself had his thumb firmly pressed to his teeth. He looked very remorseful. 

“M’sorry Eli. I didn’t realize. ‘Course we don’t think you’re a baby. We were just worried is all.”

She nodded at him and slid her hand into his, pulling his thumb away from his mouth in the process. 

“Do ya wanna go back upstairs now? Everyone’s real worried about you.”

She smiled at him and tilted her fist up and down in agreement. Daryl released her hand to push himself to his feet and then offered it again. Eli allowed him to pull her up and they made their way back out of the catacombs. 


	19. Hide and Seek pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick catches up to the pair and apologizes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language

Rick was frantic. Tara had come running as soon as Eli had disappeared. He had been talking with Daryl near the garden, trying to figure out what things they might need on the next run. When Tara had explained what had happened, the men had taken off, Daryl shouting over his shoulder that he’d check the basement if Rick would check the nest. 

He had sprinted across the yard after Daryl and split off at the stairs. Taking them two at a time, he had burst through the door to the roof and started calling for Eli. Kicking himself for his own stupidity, of course she couldn’t answer him, he started looking around. Ducking under the tarps, he dug through the nest. He found no signs of her having been there at all today. He did a quick sweep of the rest of the roof and headed back inside. He ran past people, asking if they had seen her, asking to look for her. Tara had said she had run off on her own and she could have gotten lost. Rick hadn’t had the opportunity to give her a tour of the place since her arrival. 

He had been searching for nearly an hour and panic was steadily filling his veins. He had searched everywhere above ground and hadn’t come up with anything. Heading towards the basement, he hoped that Daryl had had better luck. Just as he was nearing the door, it opened and Daryl stepped out. 

“Daryl,” Rick began, “did you-”

Eli peered around Daryl’s back and her eyes widened at Rick’s distraught figure. Rick felt his words die in his throat and he took three huge steps towards the two. 

“Eli,” he breathed. 

Just as he reached her, Daryl rested a hand against his chest. He looked at the hunter in confusion. 

“She’s alright, just needed some time to herself. Not bein’ manhandled by everyone in the group.”

He gave Rick a meaningful look. Rick let his arms fall back to his sides, trying to relax his shoulders. Swallowing hard, he did his best to not touch Eli. If she didn’t want anyone reaching out for her, he would respect that. Daryl pressed his fingers harder into his chest, trying to slow the frantic beating there. Rick breathed deeply, his ribs swelling under Daryl's touch. His face was twisted in pain.

Seeing his discomfort, Eli stepped around Daryl and leaned against Rick’s side. He inhaled deeply and carefully draped his arms around her shoulders. 

“This okay darlin’?”

Eli smiled against him, he reminded her of Daryl their first night together. She nodded and buried her face in his arms. Feeling him relax, she tilted her head up and pressed a kiss to his chin. Carefully extracting herself, she turned to Daryl and asked him to relay what she had told him to Rick. After hearing her explanation for running away, Rick spoke sincerely.

“I’m sorry, we were just worried. Daryl and me, well, we may have gone a little overboard.”

Eli snorted and wrapped her arms around Daryl’s waist. Lifting one hand, she signed,

_ -A little?- _

Daryl shifted uncomfortably.

“You ain’t a baby sunshine, we just wanna keep you safe is all.”

Rick nodded and apologized again. 

“We’ll tell everyone to back off, if you need help with something, you can just ask.”

Eli snorted again and signed,

_ -How am I supposed to ask when no one but Daryl understands me? You can’t be expected to come running every time I have something to say.- _

Rick waited for Daryl to repeat her words and nodded in agreement.

“You’re right darlin’. How about you bring around a pad of paper with you. Maybe teach everyone that sign you do for help. It’s like this, right?”

Rick put his right thumb up and placed the closed fist over his left palm. He moved both hands up together and waited for Eli’s response.  She clapped joyfully and nodded in excitement. That was a wonderful idea, it would make her life that much easier here at the prison. Daryl cleared his throat and made a shy suggestion.

“This might not work for everyone, but I can teach you some whistles.”

_ -What do you mean?- _

“Well me and Merle used to go huntin’ a lot. You can’t very well yell in the forest. So we made up some whistles that mean different things. Some of ‘em won’t be much use for you, but some of ‘em are good. Stuff like, ‘where are you,’ and ‘come find me’ that could help if you get lost somewhere.”

“That’s a great idea Daryl. Do ya mind teachin’ me too?”

He blushed and nodded once. Rick didn't praise people often, and when he did it meant a great deal. Eli grinned at both men and signed,

_ -We should go find everyone else. If what you said is true, people might be worried about me.- _

“Ain’t no might about it sunshine, everyone’s lookin’ all over. You’re pretty important to this group.”

Eli was sceptical about that, she’d only been there a week. While she was friendly with everyone, she hadn’t really done anything terribly useful. Reaching for a hand from each man, she waited for them to lead her away.


	20. Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli does her best to be honest with the people around her and tries to accept that they aren't lying to her as well
> 
> Couple trigger warnings, Eli skims over her past abuse, nothing graphic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language  
> bold is writing

“Eli!”

Carl barreled into the woman, knocking her over in the process. Rick and Daryl barely had time to release her hands before she fell. It was a good thing they had, or they might have dislocated her arms.

Eli looked down at the small body clinging to her own in surprise. She hesitantly rested one hand on the back of Carl’s head, giving him a gentle pat. His grip tightened around her waist. Smiling at him softly, she carded her fingers through his hair and rubbed his back soothingly. After a moment, she heard him mumble something into her chest. She tapped his crown in confusion and he lifted his head.

“I was so worried, are you okay? Did you get lost? Were you hurt?”

Rick laughed aloud and Eli and Carl turned to look at him in question.

“Well Carl, I think if she was hurt, you clinging to her like a possum wouldn’t help much.”

Carl looked down at Eli and blushed. Jumping to his feet, he extended a hand to pull her up. Eli smiled and let the boy tug her to her feet. Once up, she wrapped an arm around his shoulders and leaned over to swat at Rick’s chest. Signing to Daryl, she said,

_ -Don’t tease him, I think he’s sweet.- _

Daryl scoffed,

“If he’s sweet, it’s only ‘cause of all that candy he eats.”

Carl pouted at the two men and tucked himself tighter into Eli’s side. It was a bit difficult with him being nearly the same height as her, but he managed. Turning his neck to face her again, he asked more quietly,

“What happened?”

Eli shrugged and signed to Daryl,

_ -Can you explain for me? Maybe make it sound nicer than I did? I don’t want anyone to think I’m ungrateful.- _

Daryl eyed her for a second and nodded.

“Let’s round up everyone else, I only wanna say this once.”

The four of them walked through the prison towards the dining hall. Eli and Carl lead the way, with the former leaning heavily on the latter. She figured she could make it a little longer, even if her feet were throbbing a bit. It had to be near time to take out the stitches, they were more of a nuisance than the actual wounds had been. Daryl hovered behind her just in case and Rick let people know as they walked that they were having a meeting. 

Arriving at the dining hall, Eli all but collapsed into a seat, exhaling in relief. Daryl eyed her carefully in concern. She took a moment to catch her breath and patted the seat beside her.

_ -I’m alright, I knew it was gonna hurt a bit to get here. I’m fine, come sit with me- _

Daryl bit his lip and sank down to his knees before her. Carefully, giving her time to push him away, he lifted a foot to examine it. Eli puffed out a laugh and wiggled her toes at him. He inspected the cuts and sutures. The wounds themselves seemed to have mostly healed, but the stitches appeared to be irritated. Brushing his finger down her arch, he felt her shiver slightly. Daryl raised an eyebrow,

“Ticklish?”

Eli snorted,

_ -No, feels good though. They itch sometimes.- _

Daryl nodded and released her. Instead of rising, he crossed his legs and settled between Eli’s feet. She huffed again but sunk her fingers into his hair. Carl smiled at the image the two made. Who would have thought that the big bad Daryl could be so docile. Daryl must have sensed his thoughts because he leaned over and flicked his leg.

“Hey! I didn’t say anything!”

Daryl snorted and Eli tapped his head in chastisement. She really liked to play with Daryl’s hair. He had showered a couple days ago so it wasn’t quite greasy yet, the strands slipped through her fingers like silk. Daryl certainly wasn’t going to complain. It felt wonderful to feel Eli scratch his scalp and smooth his locks. Not many touched him so carelessly and he reveled in it. By the time Rick had everyone gathered, he was damn near purring from her touch.  Rick hid a smirk and cleared his throat. Daryl snapped his eyes open and glared up at him. 

“You wanna tell everyone why we’re here, or you wanna let Eli pet you to death?”

Eli let out a cough that might have been a laugh and patted Daryl’s head. He mourned the loss of contact but hauled himself up all the same.

“So, y’all know that Rick and me asked you to look out for Eli.” He waited for everyone to nod before continuing. 

“Well it seems we went a little too far. She ain’t a baby an’ it seems we might have forgotten that. She’s grateful for your help, but she can do stuff by herself. She says if she needs help, she’ll ask.”

A woman, Sasha, spoke up,

“How will we know she needs help if she can’t talk?”

Eli clapped her hands together softly to gain everyone’s attention. She mouthed the word ‘help’ in an exaggerated manner and showed them the sign. Gesturing for everyone to give it a go, she smiled broadly when everyone repeated it. Turning to Daryl, she asked him to translate for her.

_ -I want to have classes too, after dinner time maybe. I can teach you other basic signs and the alphabet. It’s more useful than you’d think. If there are walkers, you need to be quiet but communication is still important. Or if you’re on a run and you come across another group, it’s an upper hand that could save your lives. People aren’t what they were anymore. Learning sign language can help keep you safe, keep your loved ones safe.- _

Eli blushed slightly. She hadn’t meant to be so serious. Hiding behind her hair, she peaked out to watch people react. To her surprise, they seemed to like the idea. Carl reached for her hand and squeezed it in comfort. She exhaled and reached up with her free hand to push some locks behind her ear. Rick smiled softly in her direction and ushered everyone out. Carl released her and wave on his way out. A few people lingered.

Tara stepped forward and seemed a bit agitated. Eli looked at her in concern and waited for her to speak.

“Eli,” she began hesitantly, “I want you to know, I mean, I just. Oh.”

Eli reached for her hand and pulled her to sit beside her. Squeezing her in support, she nodded for Tara to continue.

“I didn’t mean to treat you like that. I shouldn’t have grabbed you up like that and I’m sorry. And then, when I dropped you, I thought you were hurt and I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry I made you feel like you needed to run away.”

Tara knew she was rambling and pressed her lips together tightly. Eli watched her face for a moment and reached up to rest her palm on the taller woman’s cheek. Tara turned wide eyes to Eli and held very still when she pressed her face closer. Eli nudged her nose against Tara’s cheek and pressed their foreheads together. They remained joined for a moment. Eli pulled away and offered a reassuring smile. Tara blinked a few times and then broke out in a wide grin. 

“Watch it there girl, you’ll give me false hope!”

Eli waggled her eyebrows suggestively and then patted Tara’s leg.

_ -Maybe in another life, my heart’s already claimed.- _

Daryl translated for her with a furled brow. Who could she mean? Tara looked between him and Rick and sent Eli a secretive smirk. 

“Well, whoever they are, they're lucky to have you.”

Tara slipped away and Hershel stepped forward. Eli had seen him around, but hadn’t had the opportunity to really speak to the man. Rick rushed over with a chair and placed it opposite her for him to rest in.

“Thank you Rick,” Hershel sighed as he eased himself onto the seat.

“You and I haven’t properly met. I’m Hershel, a doctor of sorts around here.”

Eli nodded at him and offered a small wave in greeting. 

“Now, Rick told me that Daryl stitched up your feet for you, and I’m sure he did a fine job, I just wanna check them out. That sound alright?”

Eli nodded once more. Hershel patted his good thigh and waited for the woman to rest a foot there. He prodded at them for a few seconds and nodded decisively. 

“Rick, would you grab me some scissors, small ones maybe. Beth’ll have some.”

Rick seemed hesitant to leave, but with a reassuring nod from Daryl, he went off to retrieve them. 

“Daryl, why don’t you go grab me some alcohol, gotta keep these clean.”

When Daryl made no motion to leave, Eli reached for him. In a moment, he was by her side. She slid her palm down his arm in comfort and signed.

_ -Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.- _

He chewed his thumb for a second and gave a jerk of his head before walking away as well. Hershel waited until he was sure the other man was out of earshot before he caught Eli in his piercing gaze. 

“Now that I got you alone, I wanna ask you a few questions if that’s okay. They’re gonna mostly be yes or no so don’t worry about translations.”

Eli smiled hesitantly at him and nodded her head for him to begin. 

“So, it seems like you got those two wrapped around your finger,” 

Eli blushed.

“That ain’t a bad thing. I’ve seen you do a world of good for them since you arrived. Rick and Daryl were at odds with each other before you came. Them being so important to the group, that was a bad thing. Seems like you were just the thing to get them working together again. I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Rick lost his wife some time ago and Daryl just lost his brother. Those boys have gone through a lot of suffering, I trust you aren’t going to take advantage of them?”

Eli shook her head vehemently. She would never hurt them!

“That’s what I thought. They’re good men, and I can see you care about them a lot.”

Eli nodded her head and cradled her arms together. Hershel chuckled softly.

“Yes, and Carl and Judith. That’s good too, I've got a feeling it's a package deal. Are you ready for me to ask you other things? Some normal ones and some medical ones if possible.”

Eli gave him a short nod and took a deep breath.

“First, how many walkers have you killed?”

Eli looked at him confused for a moment. When he looked back at her expectantly, she shrugged and spread her arms wide. Innumerable, she had put down countless walkers. 

“How many people’ve you killed?”

She paused here. Eli wanted to be as honest with this man as she could. Taking a deep breath, she carefully held up three fingers.

“Why?”

Gesturing to the yard, Eli mimed shooting a gun and then signed ‘byebye’. Hershel nodded, he knew about that one. She held up the last two fingers and reached for Hershel’s hand. She traced letters on his palm. Mercy. She mimed biting and then plunged an invisible knife downwards. Hershel nodded again.

“So twice was for mercy and once was to save Daryl. That’s admiral my dear. Not many can claim as much anymore. Now onto the hard questions.”

Eli bit her lip and nodded again. Hershel gave her a reassuring pat.

“It’s nice to not be the only disabled person in the prison. If you’d like, I can tell you how I lost my leg. In exchange, you can tell me how you lost your voice. Mine's a bit of a story so Rick or Daryl should be back by then. You don’t have to tell me, but I hope you will. It might help you overcome what happened.”

He waited for her to agree before continuing.

“Well, I’m sure someone told you about how this group came to be. Rick’s boy was shot by a man staying with me. I patched him up as best we could and Rick was grateful. I was glad that Carl was alright, but I couldn’t have Rick’s group staying with me. There was a man, Shane, who couldn’t seem to play by my rules, and it seemed too dangerous to have so many people in one place. It came about that Lori, Rick’s wife, was pregnant. Now, I’m not be a doctor, but Rick was convinced that I was the only one that could keep Lori alive through the pregnancy. Wasn’t long before things went south and my farm was overrun by walkers.”

Eli nodded, Daryl had said mostly the same thing.

“We traveled around through the winter and it was horrible. I had to watch my girls starve and freeze while we could do nothing. If it weren’t for Daryl and Rick, we would have all died. Finding the prison was a miracle, but miracles come with a price sometimes. We were clearing out the prison when a walker bit my leg. I was sure it was the end. But Rick must have been some kind of desperate, because next thing I know, the man is holding an axe and he’s hacking off my leg. It hurt something awful, but Eli, if he hadn’t done it, I would have been a gonner. He managed to stop me from turning, but I wasn’t out of the woods yet. There was a point, so I’ve been told, that I stopped breathing.”

He paused and locked eyes with Eli.

“It was Lori that brought me back. She performed CPR on me until I started to breathe again. I don’t know what her motives were, if she was genuinely trying to save me, or if she just needed me for the baby. But that’s something I never got to ask her. Maybe even something I don’t want to know. But she saved me and Rick saved me and Daryl saved me as well. I owe them my life, and while I can’t repay Lori, I’m sure as hell going to try with those men. I think I could start by helping you. You mean a great deal more to them than you seem to realize.”

Eli looked down for a moment and waited for Hershel to say more. It seemed he was finished. Sniffling softly, she looked up and met his bright blue eyes.

“It’s alright you know, we all got scars.”

A tear slid down her cheek and she launched herself at the older man. Wrapping her arms around him tightly, she clung to him with all her strength. Hershel in turn held her close in his powerful embrace. After a minute or two of Eli sniffling into his shirt, the two heard someone clear their throat. Eli lifted her face and spied Rick and Daryl standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“You alright sunshine?” Daryl murmured. 

She nodded and pulled away from Hershel. Extending her arms to the men, she waited for the comfort she needed. Rick and Daryl rushed forwards and pressed tightly to either side of her. Rick handed Hershel the scissors he’d requested and Daryl placed the alcohol on the floor. 

“You have a good talk darlin’?”

Eli pushed her face into Rick’s chest and nodded. Gesturing to the bench she’d been resting on before, she waited for the two men to sit and squeezed in between them. 

_ -Hershel says I should talk about what happened. He said it might help me.- _

“Do you want to? I know talkin’ to Rick helped me.”

Rick shot Daryl a soft smile and brushed his knuckles against the man’s arm. Eli snuggled down between them and basked in their warmth. After a moment she signed to Daryl.

_ -I think I should. Maybe not all at once though, not like I did with you two. I had nightmares after.- _

Daryl relayed it to Hershel and the old man nodded.

“Maybe you can start by telling me how you lost your voice. I noticed your scar so I would guess it was related to that.”

Eli tapped Daryl’s leg and signed quickly.

“It was her ma. She lost it one day and tried to kill Eli. Snapped out of it real quick though, tried to save her after.”

_ -I died once too.- _

Hershel nodded gravely.

“Did it happen a lot? Her trying to kill you?”

Eli shook her head violently, hair whipping around. Rick slid his arm around her back wedged his hand between her and Daryl. He was the one to answer this time. 

“No, she wasn’t right in the head. Eli said she had schizophrenia. She had been hurting Eli for a long time though. Just never went that far before.”

Eli nudged him and shook her head slightly. She didn’t want to go into that today.

“Eli you gotta know that it wasn’t your fault. If she was sick, she should have gotten help. When did it start?”

Daryl’s gruff voice answered,

“She was four.”

Hershel sucked in a deep breath.

“Then it certainly wasn’t your fault. I can see you’re getting antsy so how about we work on some coping mechanisms. Do you ever get panic attacks?”

Eli started to shake her head no, but Rick squeezed her hip. She looked at him in question and he cleared his throat.

“Her second night here. She had one because of the dark.”

The woman between him and Daryl hunched down, trying to disappear. Daryl turned and lifted her chin with a firm hand.

“Ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of. No one here’s gonna treat you different ‘cause of it.”

“I’m gonna guess your mama used to hurt you at night. How’d you come out of it?”

Daryl translated for her.

_ -Rick talked me out. Made me control my breathing and count with him. It helped that he was touching me, I didn’t feel like I was alone.- _

“Good, that’s good. The next time you start to panic, you count off in your head. Or you can come to anyone in the camp. They aren’t gonna ask you questions if you need to sit close with them or touch them. We could all use a little comfort now and then. And you being as tactile as you are, people might not even be surprised you want to be close with them. We’ve all seen it.”

_ -What if I’m alone, or I don’t want to be with anyone?- _

“Well then here’s another trick. You focus on your five senses. If one of them isn’t working, say its dark, you focus on the other four. Find something you can taste, touch, hear, smell, or see and focus on that. Your mind will be so busy trying to find those things, it might just forget about what had you so anxious.”

_ -Thank you Hershel.- _

“You’re welcome sweetheart. I’m gonna take out your sutures now and then I want you to get some rest. It’s draining to talk about the past, some R&R is in order.”

She giggled slightly and lifted her feet to his lap once more.

It took a matter of minutes for Hershel to remove the stitches and swab the area with alcohol. Eli felt much better without the irritating thread and flexed her toes. Smiling at the three men around her, she stood and did a little dance on her newly repaired feet. Holding her hands out, she hauled Daryl and Rick to their feet and made them perform a jig with her. Hershel chuckled at the trio and shooed them.

“Off you get, Eli needs to rest, I’m sure you all do.”

Eli release their hands and bent to embrace the still seated Hershel. Pressing her lips to his ear, she mouthed thank you and nuzzled his cheek with her nose. Grasping Rick and Daryl once more, she pulled them from the room.  They made it a ways down the hall before Eli slowed to a halt and pulled the two men in for another hug. They squeezed each other tightly before Eli pulled back and signed to Daryl,

_ -Can you ask Rick if he’ll sleep with us in the nest? If that’s okay with you. I just want to be with you both tonight.- _

Daryl nodded and relayed it to Rick.

“Sure darlin’, let me just let Carl know and I’ll be right up after you.”

He pulled away from both of them, trailing his fingers down Daryl’s arm as he left. The other man shivered slightly and watched him go. Turning back to Eli, he tapped her on the nose,

“Race ya!”


	21. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff! Some bonding between Carl and his daddy and then some more between our trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language  
> bold is writing  
> italics is flashback

Rick trudged up the stairs nearly an hour after the other two had disappeared. Carl had wanted to talk to him some more about Eli. He thought back over their conversation.

_ “Is Eli gonna be alright dad?” _

_ “I hope so. She’s been through a lot in her life and I think that this might have been her breaking point.” _

_ Carl had moved over from his and Judith’s bed to sit beside his father. Leaning into his side, he thought for a moment before speaking again. _

_ “I like her.” _

_ Rick chuckled, _

_ “Me too son.” _

_ He looked up at his father critically. _

_ “I like Daryl too. They care about you, take care of you too.” _

_ Rick nodded and wrapped an arm around Carl’s shoulders. He sighed and tilted his head back to study the bunk above them. Feeling Carl shift, he turned to meet his eyes. _

_ “And you’ll take care of them too, right? Both of them.” _

_ “I’m gonna do my best Carl. I’ll look over them like I do everyone in the group.” _

_ Carl shook his head slightly and leaned away from him. _

_ “No, not like everyone else. They’re family, like you and me and Judith are. You should tell them. I think they need to hear it.” _

_ Rick stared at him in surprise. What was Carl getting at? It was true that he had a special place in his heart for his kids, of course he did. But he considered everyone in the group to be family. Understanding dawned on him. _

_ “You know, Carl, your mom and I-” _

_ Carl cut him off. _

_ “It doesn’t matter, she’s gone now and I think maybe it’s time that you let more people in. I won’t forget about her, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love other people too. Family’s not something you choose, it’s something that happens.” _

_ Rick nodded his head and then broke out in a smile. Ruffling Carl’s hair, he gave him a long hug and whispered into his hair, _

_ “When did you get so smart? When did you grow up so fast?” _

_ Carl scoffed and pushed at Rick’s chest. His expression sobered. Looking towards Judith, he spoke again. _

_ “You should get up there. I’m sure they’re waiting for you. I’ll look after Judith tonight.” _

_ Rick hesitated, _

_ “Carl, if you want to, if you need to talk about your mom…” _

_ He shook his head, _

_ “Not yet. I’m not ready yet. Someday maybe, but not yet.” _

_ Rick nodded his head once and stood to leave. He kissed Judith gently, so as not to wake her and was halfway out the door when he felt arms wrap around his waist. _

_ “I love you,” Carl whispered into his back. _

_ Rick inhaled shakily and rested his hands over Carl’s. _

_ “I love you too son.” _

That was about as personal of a conversation he’d had with Carl since his Lori’s death. With her gone and Rick, well Rick pretty much gone too, it was like a wall had formed between them. Things had been rocky when he’d come back from the brink of insanity. Carl had blamed him for a lot of the things that had gone wrong in their lives and Rick didn’t know what to do. It seemed like Eli stumbling into their camp had been exactly what they had needed. To be a family again.

Opening the door to the roof, he shivered slightly at the chill air. Summer was coming to an end. He peered into the darkness and spotted a lone ember burning against the sky. Rick crunched his way over and dropped down to sit beside Daryl. The man took a long drag from his cigarette and exhaled slowly before speaking.

“You good?”

Rick let out a small laugh and shook his head. He always knew exactly what Rick was feeling. Always anticipated exactly what he needed. Whether it was a reassuring glance, a small touch, or simply asking if he was okay, Daryl was always there. Maybe Carl was right.

“I’m good.”

Daryl inhaled again, the bright tip of his cigarette flaring in the gloom. The light of it illuminated his features, exaggerating his nose and making his eyes glow. Rick thought for a moment that he looked dangerous. Dangerous, but at the same time, like everything in the world that would protect him. In a moment of surrender, Rick leaned over and rested his head on Daryl’s shoulder. Daryl tensed briefly, pulling his cigarette away from his mouth, from Rick. When the other man made no move to pull away, he slowly relaxed again. 

They sat together in silence for a few minutes. Daryl would occasionally take another pull of smoke. He enjoyed this. Liked the familiar comfort of Rick beside him. Silence wasn’t something that he sought to fill, it was something he longed for. The comfort in unspoken words. A whistle sounded softly from behind them. Rick startled a bit and Daryl rested a hand on his knee to placate him. Pursing his lips, he whistled back. After a few seconds, they heard rustling from the nest and a sleepy Eli emerged with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. 

“What’s it mean?” Rick spoke softly, not wanting to disturb the calm.

Eli stumbled over to the two men and plopped down beside Rick. Reaching out, she stroked a hand over first his face, then Daryl’s in the darkness. With a long exhale of breath, she let her body fall sideways until her head rested in Rick’s lap. She nudged Daryl’s hand with the top of her head and sighed softly when both he and Rick reached to play with her hair. Daryl pulled one last drag from his cigarette and stubbed it out. 

“Means,  where are you and  come find me . Good for her, if she’s far away or we can’t see each other.”

Rick gave it a try and the two men spent a while whistling back and forth before he got the hang of it. Daryl rumbled slightly in his chest, the movement jostling Rick’s head a bit. 

“We better get to bed. Looks like sunshine’s already out.”

They both listened to her deep, even breaths and reluctantly parted. Daryl stood first and stretched. Heading towards the nest, he pulled off his boots and coat before burrowing in. Rick nudged Eli slightly and she halfheartedly swatted at him. Pushing her into an upright position, he stood and lifted her. She instinctively wrapped arms around his neck and murmured silently against his pulse point. Goosebumps rose on his skin and he toed off his own shoes carefully while carrying her towards Daryl. Bending slightly, he lay her at the entrance to the nest and watched her roll around for a second before crawling deeper. He laughed softly and pulled his coat off and shirt over his head. Slipping in behind her, he listened to Daryl’s grumbling while she got comfortable. Eli was making a soft clicking sound with her tongue as she nudged Daryl onto his side facing her. She scooted in close and pulled a blanket over them both. Her hands slipped over Daryl’s chest and she forced her cold fingers under his wifebeater. His muscles tensed and he released a breath before speaking to Rick.

“Get in here, she’s a popsicle.”

Rick heard a huff of laughter from Eli and scooted in behind her. She rested her newly healed feet on his shins and shushed him when he yelped. Daryl rumbled in silent mirth beneath her hands and she pet his chest gently. 

Rick pulled another blanket over the three of them and slipped an arm over Eli to rest on Daryl. He tightened his hold and the other man shifted closer, the two cocooning Eli. She exhaled softly on Daryl’s collarbone and moved her lips in silent words. 

“One day you’ll tell me what you’re sayin’ sunshine.”

She prodded him with her nose and made one last shushing noise before falling still and silent. After a moment, her breathing evened out and her body became boneless. Rick moved his hand from Daryl’s hip to the small of his back. Tracing a pattern there, he tried to think of what he wanted to say. 

Daryl’s mind was racing. Rick had touched him before, a lot more recently, but not like this. Not with Eli asleep between them and no call for comfort. Willing himself to relax, he worked through what he was feeling. It didn’t feel bad. On the contrary he felt more at peace than he had in probably his whole life. The hand on his back was soothing and the two on his chest were warm now, curled lightly and simply there. A tangible presence that said he wasn’t alone. And maybe he didn’t want to be alone. Maybe he wanted  _ this _ . He licked his lips and asked in a hoarse whisper,

“Rick?”

The hand on his back made a broad stroke along his spine in answer. 

“What are we? The three of us?”

Eli curled tighter into his chest and Rick pressed closer to her back. He spoke lowly.

“Family. We’re family.”


	22. Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and angst ahead!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- signing  
> bold is writing

Eli was the first to wake in the morning. The sun hadn’t yet risen, but the sky was just beginning to lighten. Sometime in the night she had burrowed down deeper and found her face pressed into Rick’s stomach. She nuzzled the trail of hair there softly and kissed him gently. His muscles twitched, but the man didn’t stir. Grinning to herself, she tunneled her way out from between their bodies. Immediately, Daryl rolled into the empty space and Rick rumbled slightly. She watched as Rick’s arms automatically wrapped around Daryl and smiled at how peaceful they looked. Blowing the sleeping men a kiss, she headed inside. 

The prison was quiet. An occasional sigh or murmur echoed off the concrete walls, but the air was still. Eli padded down the hall towards Rick’s cell without a sound. When she peeked behind the curtain, she couldn’t help but smile. Carl was curled around Judith. There was a blanket shoved half down the bed and as Eli’s eyes adjusted to the dark, she noticed the baby was awake. Judith cooed softly and Eli held a finger to her lips. The little girl kicked her legs gently and Carl inhaled sharply. Quickly, Eli stepped into the cell and brushed her fingers over his cheek. When his body relaxed, she bent to lift the baby.

Judith curled into her chest and wrapped a hand in her hair. Carl sighed slightly and shivered. Before he could wake, Eli tugged the blanket back up to cover him. She bent again to press a kiss to his temple and swept out of the room. 

Judith would be hungry soon and Eli was excited to feed her again. There was something magical about it. Judith trusted her completely in those moments, eyes open and focused on her face. The baby burrowed closer to her chest and Eli held her more securely. She should have grabbed Daryl’s poncho. 

Too late, she thought to herself. Shaking her head in regret, she transferred Judith to her hip and grabbed a pot to fill with water. Placing it on the small camp stove, she turned the knob on the propane tank. Grabbing the matches nearby, she quickly lit the stove. It would be a while before the water boiled and Eli was pretty cold. Judith made a soft sound against her side and Eli pulled her to rest on her stomach. 

_ -What is it pretty girl?- _ she signed to the infant.

Judith watched her hand in fascination, reaching out to touch. Eli smiled sweetly to her and puckered her mouth. She whistled a small tune and swayed with the little girl. 

_ -You are my sunshine, my only sunshine- _

She whistled and signed with one arm, holding Judith tightly with the other. The baby’s legs were kicking in interest and she was torn between watching Eli’s hands or reaching for her lips. 

_ -You make me happy, when skies are grey- _

The two twirled around the room and light began to stream in through the small windows. Judith wiggled about in Eli’s grasp and was waving her arms wildly. Throwing caution to the wind, Eli bent to rest Judith on her feet. Holding her securely around the torso, the two waltzed around the room, Judith’s legs not doing much. The baby was thrilled to be on her feet, she unsteadily slapped them down on the concrete and stared in wonder. The two were still dancing when a throat cleared behind them. 

Eli tilted her head down further to look between her legs. Daryl looked at her impassively from one of the far tables. She stuck her tongue out at him and righted herself. To Judith, she winked and the two made their unsteady way to the man. Eli held the baby’s hands tightly and kept her upright. Judith stood on her own and looked very pleased with herself. She spluttered a few nonsense words to Daryl and swayed a bit. 

Very carefully, Eli loosened her fingers and Daryl tensed. Glancing at him in reassurance, she released Judith and knelt behind her. The baby stared up at Daryl and stretched out a hand for him.  The motion caused her to tilt forward and the man jerked forwards to catch her. But miraculously she caught herself by pushing one foot towards Daryl. His face lit up like Christmas. 

“Come ‘ere baby,” he coaxed.

Judith steadied again and her face screwed up in determination. Eli watched enraptured as the baby spread her arms for balance and slid her other foot forward a bit. She repeated the movements for a few more minutes until she leaned against Daryl’s knees. The man whooped in joy and scooped her up. Eli sprung to her feet as well and they both showered Judith in kisses and praise. 

_ -Who is so strong and smart? Good job Judy!- _ Eli was signing with enthusiasm.

Judith may not have understood what she meant, but the excitement was tangible. Daryl pressed wet kisses to her rosy cheeks and she shrieked in joy. Scooping her into the air, he cuddled her close and grumbled lowly,

“That’s right girly, my lil asskicker. Growin’ up and walkin’ already, wait til your daddy hears ‘bout this.”

Eli wrapped her arms around the two and grinned up at Daryl in delight. Judith squealed again between them and tangled her pudgy hands in their hair. Yanking hard, she banged Daryl’s forehead hard into Eli’s. The man grunted and Eli released a puff of air. Daryl’s eyes flitted to her mouth. Her lips were bright from joy and her breath was warm against him. Glancing up at her eyes, he noticed her watching him closely. Blushing, he tried to pull back but Judith held him in place. 

Daryl’s face was very close to her own. Eli noticed him watching her mouth and wondered what he was going to do. For a moment, he seemed almost hypnotized by her lips and she resisted the urge to lick them. When his eyes met hers, they were dark, pupils widened in the scant light of dawn. They cleared suddenly and his cheeks reddened. Eli watched him try to pull back and swallowed a giggle when the baby yanked him back into place. Smiling softly, she stood on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Untangling herself from Judith, she pulled away to sign,

_ -You’re a natural. Seems like you’re as much her daddy as Rick is.- _

Daryl didn’t say anything. His mind was racing, trying to figure out what had just happened. Never in his life had he felt this way. When he saw Judith walk towards him, and how proud Eli had been, his heart had pounded. Eli’s arms wrapped around him and the baby had felt right. But then Judith had to go and yank them together. It was like he was frozen, his eyes were locked on Eli’s mouth. On each inhale, he was pulled further in. But he’d never experienced this before. Since when did he notice lips? And she didn’t even move! Didn’t try to pull away from him or mock him. She just let him look. 

Eli blinked in shock when a disgruntled baby was thrust into her arms. Scrambling to hold Judith properly, she tried to get Daryl’s attention. 

“I’m goin’ to hunt,” he mumbled.

Eli stamped her foot, trying to get him to look at her so she could say something. Daryl closed his eyes and marched forwards. Away from them. Frustrated, Eli took a step to follow him. He must have heard her because his shoulders tensed. She froze. Judith made a soft noise of distress and Eli ripped her eyes away from the hunter’s back to focus on her. 

_ -It’s alright, baby. Daryl doesn’t want to talk right now.- _

Eli turned back to the kitchen and checked on the water. It was just beginning to boil. She placed Judith on the floor at her feet and moved the pot away from the heat. After mixing the little girl a bottle, she scooped her up and headed towards the door. Judith made a noise and squeezed her fingers together. Eli forced a smile and signed back,

_ -Not yet, it’s too hot.- _

Judith gave up after a minute of grabbing for the milk. Eli hitched her up higher on her hip. Together, they made their way up the stairs to the nest. 


	23. Working it Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli seeks Rick's advice on the situation with Daryl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language  
> bold is writing

Rick woke up to the sound of the roof door slamming. He jerked upright and looked around frantically. Eli came into view with Judith in his arms.

“Hey baby-” Rick reached for his daughter and froze when he caught sight of Eli’s face.

Her lips were tilted up in a smile and she was nuzzling into Judith. But her eyes showed barely controlled rage. She knelt before him and stood the little girl on the blankets. Carefully, the baby made it’s way to her father. Eli temporarily forgotten, Rick watched with wide eyes as his daughter made her way to him. He pounced on Judith when she reached him. Tickling her tummy and kissing her, he praised,

“You’re such a big girl Judy! Look at you! Pretty soon you’ll be running around and wreaking havok!”

Eli tried to smile at the sight of them together. But her mind flashed an image of Daryl’s face over Rick’s. Her lips tilted downwards and she turned away from the pair in the nest. Rick was drawn to her movement and set Judith down. He kneeled and shuffled towards Eli. Slipping an arm around her hips, he pulled her down and took the bottle from her hand. Sitting again, he arranged Eli between his legs and Judith between hers. Judith reached for the bottle and Rick handed it back to Eli. The woman held it to the baby’s lips and Judith grabbed it firmly with both hands. She relaxed into Eli’s body while guzzling the milk. 

Rick stroked his hands over Eli’s arms. She showed no signs of calming, holding onto her composure by a thread. Her body was tense and muscles were coiled tightly. Rick sighed and let his hands fall to his sides. 

“What’s wrong darlin’?”

Eli’s breath caught in her chest. Trying very hard to keep control of her temper, she took a few calming breaths. She mimed writing after a moment and Rick leaned back to find her a pen and pad. Once located, he rested his cheek against her hair and watched her write.

**Fucking Daryl. Had to fucking go off.**

Rick was surprised by the anger in her writing. The words were dark and very nearly carved into the paper. Her handwriting was sloppy and slanted heavily to the side, a couple letters shaky. 

“What happened with Daryl?”

Judith made a noise in her throat at Daryl’s name and Eli smoothed a hand through her downy hair. She turned her attention back to writing.

**Judith walked inside. We were dancing, me and her and Daryl showed up. She walked a few steps over to him and he was happy and I was happy. We were all hugging and she yanked our heads together.**

She paused to rub her forehead.

**Hurt too. Anyways, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him he was as much Judy’s daddy as you were.**

Eli glanced at Rick to gauge his reaction. Thankfully, the man had iron control of his emotions. He had felt a sharp pang of guilt at her words, but she wasn’t wrong. Daryl had taken care of his daughter far longer than he had. He nodded slightly and nudged Eli to continue.

**Next fucking thing I know, he’s shoving Judith at me and fucking running away. Won’t look at me. Just fucking grunts that he’s ‘Going hunting.’ Like that fucking makes me feel better. I couldn’t even** **_say_ ** **anything because he wouldn’t look at me. Fucking shut his eyes and ignored me.**

Rick nodded slowly. His mind was trying to understand why Daryl might have done that. There were a few possibilities and he shared them with Eli.

“Well,” he drawled, trying to gather his thoughts, “You know his daddy wasn’t a good man. Maybe he didn’t like what you said.”

Eli jerked her head violently in dissent. 

**No, he probably didn’t even register that. The asshole just stared at me like I wasn’t there. Looked right through me.**

“Well what happened before you said that?”

Eli rolled her eyes and circled the line that said she kissed him on the cheek. 

**He was looking at me weird and he looked a little uncomfortable. I figured he was embarrassed or something that Judy had taken her first steps towards him and not you. That’s why I gave him a kiss and said what I did.**

The gears in Rick’s head were slowly turning and he spoke hesitantly.

“Do you think,” he paused, “do you think maybe he didn’t want you to kiss him?”

Eli almost shook her head no, but took a moment to really think about that. Her writing was smoother and slower,

**I’ve kissed him before…**

Rick shook his head slightly,

“Not in joy. Only in comfort, as far as I know. It’s different.”

**But you’ve both kissed me a million times.**

“But never your face and mostly still in comfort. Daryl doesn’t usually like people touching him or being near him. You might’ve put him on edge by getting so close to his face. He’s been gettin’ better with you and me but maybe he got overwhelmed.”

Eli didn’t move to write anything for a long moment. With a huge exhale, all of the fight left her. She slumped back against Rick’s chest. Stroking her fingers over the crown of Judith’s head, she mulled the new information over in her head. The baby was just finishing her bottle and tilted her head back to lock eyes with Eli. Judith’s baby blue’s calmed Eli even more. She felt Rick nudge her and slide to sit beside her. 

He lifted his daughter and patted her back to release any trapped air.

“You understand now darlin’? You probably scared him is all.”

Eli nodded her head and stood carefully. Grabbing the pen and paper, she waved goodbye over her shoulder and headed back inside.


	24. Put up your Dukes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl goes off alone and encounters a slight issue. Rick rescues his ass and rips him a new one

Daryl had fled the prison with nothing but his crossbow and a knife. Once he had reached the forest, he’d tried to focus but found his mind wandering. He would pick up the trail of some animal and think of the shape of Eli’s lips and lose it. Daryl let loose a deep growl,

“The fuck’s a matter with me?”

He spoke aloud, cursing whatever was plaguing his mind. His chest was tight, like he’d run for miles and then taken on a pack of walkers. The worst part was that he couldn’t pin down what he was feeling. Dixon’s had never been good with emotions. Frustration reared it’s head and Daryl could hear Merle’s ugly voice.

_ “You gonna cry Darleana? Get your shit together and man up.” _

Daryl tried to clear his brother from his mind. He could just imagine his crooked sneer,

_ “You let that broad into your head. All she had to do was bat her pretty lashes and she had you whipped, huh boy?” _

Daryl grunted and slammed the palm of his hand into his temple,

“Shut up Merle.”

So wrapped up in his own world, he didn’t hear the groans of the undead until they were right in front of him. Three walkers where shuffling towards him with determination. Daryl lunged backwards and shot one through the head with a bolt. The walker fell. The two others nearly tripped over the body in their efforts to reach him. Daryl fired another bolt. This one missed its mark and buried itself in the trunk of a nearby tree. Desperation filled Daryl as they fell upon him. 

“Ugly fuckers, you wanna a piece of me?” Daryl drew his knife and hollered, “Well come fucking get it!”

He managed to plunge the blade into the skull of the second walker. When he tried to withdraw it, he found it stuck fast. Backing away, he tripped on a root and went down. The last walker fell with him. Frantically, Daryl shoved at it, trying to push it away as he scrambled backwards along the ground. His heart was racing. The things face was half gone, teeth blackened and eyes rotting. It’s jaw worked viciously, hands reaching for Daryl in hunger. Terror gripped the man as he saw no way out. The walker was tireless, but Daryl was losing strength. He was keeping it at bay but only just.

His arms were straining from the effort and the teeth were slowly inching closer to his face. The smell was nearly unbearable and if he hadn’t been so terrified, he might have puked. He closed his eyes and prayed for it to be over quickly. Just as his arms gave out, the weight on his body lifted.

Opening his eyes, he found a furious Rick slamming his knife into the walker’s skull. The man stood above him panting with rage clear on his face. Rick pulled his knife from the body and reached out a hand to pull Daryl up. Daryl ignored the gesture and hauled himself up. As he lifted his face to meet Rick’s he was caught off guard by a fist. 

Rick hauled his arm back at Daryl’s refusal for help and plunged it forward into the man’s jaw. Daryl dropped to the ground again from the force of it. In a moment he had jumped to his feet and lunged at Rick. Rick easily dodged the disoriented man and wrapped his arms around his torso, effectively stopping his movements. 

Daryl struggled for a few moments, trying to free himself and spewing profanity at the ex-cop. 

“Lemme go you motherfucker. I ain’t done nothin’. Lemme go!”

Rick remained silent and tightened his grip, crushing Daryl’s ribs and cutting his breath short. The man in his arms struggled a bit longer and then went limp. Rick was no fool, he knew if he let him go now, he’d get suckerpunched for his efforts. Holding steady, he waited until the heartbeat under his wrists stopped pounding. When he was sure Daryl was calm, he shoved him away and stepped back. 

Daryl spun around with a face full of fury. He opened his mouth to spout off again but any protest he might have had died in his throat. Rick’s eyes were like ice. Ice and steel. His countenance was a cold as Daryl had ever seen it, completely expressionless. When the man spoke, goosebumps raised on his skin. 

“You ever do that again, I’ll kill you myself.” Rick spoke evenly and without inflection. 

Daryl swallowed hard and opened his mouth again. Rick held up a hand and cut him off.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Do you have any idea at all what could have happened if I hadn’t come here?”

“I ain’t need you to babysit me,” Daryl started. The older man cut him off with a glare.

“Like fuck you don’t. What do you call what just happened? You could have been killed, hell, you very nearly got bit. That your goal Daryl, you wanna die? There’s a hell of a lot easier ways to do it.”

Daryl stared at him, slack jawed. Rick never talked like this. His voice was hard and pitched dangerously low. Anger warmed Daryl’s belly, Rick didn’t have any right to speak to him that way.

“You don’t get to talk to me like that. Back the fuck off man, you ain’t my daddy.”

Rick took a step towards him and Daryl was ashamed to admit that he almost stepped back. 

“You bet your ass I ain’t your daddy,” Rick’s southern drawl grew thicker in his rage, “I actually give two fucks about what happens to you.”

Daryl blinked in surprise. Rick was worried?

“What do you think would happen if you got bit? You think you woulda just turned and that’d be that? What about Carl? Judith? What would I have told them? What about Eli?”

The younger man stiffened at Eli’s name. Rick shook his head in disgust. 

“I don’t know what your issue is with Eli right now, maybe it ain’t my business. But that woman cares about you deeply. She’s right fucking pissed at you, but she still cares. If you’d have died, how do you think she’d have reacted.”

He waited for a response. When it became evident that Daryl had no intention to speak, he pressed onwards.

“She woulda blamed herself. She doesn’t know what she did that made you run off, but she’d have blamed herself if you’d have got bit out here. Daryl it ain’t just you anymore.”

Rick’s mask cracked and crumbled. His shoulders slumped and he looked incredibly old, tired and worn out. Daryl was alarmed to say the least at his (friend? leader? comrade?)’s sudden change. 

“It ain’t just you. What would I have done? I’m nothing without you. Daryl can’t you see how much the group needs you, how much  _ I _ need you? You were there when no one else was. You were there for me, my kids, my wife, everything. You, you don’t even understand! You’re my family, you’re everything. Daryl, I can’t do this without you!”

Rick was screaming at the other man by the end, nearly bent at the waist with the effort to get the words out. Daryl was speechless. How could Rick, the man that had led them through literally hell and back, feel so strongly about  _ him _ ? A nobody. A redneck who was never anything and never would be anything. How could Rick think he could be  _ everything _ , not even just something, but everything. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t see Rick staring at him in pain. 

The man scrubbed a hand over his face and raked fingers through his hair. He’d said his piece. Hopefully it would get through the hunter’s thick skull. Turning away, he spoke to the trees,

“I’m goin’ back. Don’t get bit out here.”

He started to trudge back to the prison when he felt a body slam into his. Spinning with his arms up in defense, he was surprised when Daryl didn’t throw a fist at him. Instead, he felt Daryl slip muscular arms around his waist and squeeze once. He released the older man almost immediately and backed up a step. 

“Ain’t gonna die.”

Rick’s face filled with relief and he clasped Daryl’s shoulder. The hunter shrugged his hand off and pushed passed him.

“You fucking hit me again though and I’ll cut off your dick,” he called over his shoulder.

Rick grinned ruefully and scurried after him.

“I’d like to see you try.”


	25. Beth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli branches out to make a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -italics- sign language  
> bold is writing

When Eli had left Judith with Rick, she’d headed down to the kitchen again. The sun was pretty firmly in the sky at that point and her stomach was growling. She was proud to say that in the two weeks she’d been at the prison, she’d put on a few pounds. Her bones didn’t jut out so much anymore and her skin didn’t feel too tight. Whistling slightly, she walked through the doorway to the kitchen.

Beth was there already. Eli hadn’t had much of an opportunity to get very close to her, but the girl seemed very sweet. Acting quickly, Eli scribbled on her pad of paper and thrust it under Beth’s nose.

**Good morning Beth.**

The blonde woman smiled as she read the short sentence and greeted the dark haired girl.

“Good morning Eli, I was just making some oatmeal, do you want some?”

Eli nodded and signed ‘help’ and raised an eyebrow in question. Beth nodded her head and gestured to some dishes,

“Grab yourself a bowl and I’ll load you up.”

Eli complied happily and the two headed over to a table to eat. Eli made a face at the flavor and Beth laughed softly. 

“It’s not the best, but bland food’s better than no food!”

The other woman nodded in agreement and spooned more into her mouth. Writing quickly, she flipped the pad over to face Beth.

**How old are you Beth?**

“Oh,” she thought for a minute, “I think I’m nineteen now, but I’m not sure. I was seventeen when this started. Why do you ask?”

**You seem closest to my age. I’m 23 now. I was hoping we could get to know each other a little better.**

Beth was delighted. There was no one else in the camp, except maybe Tara, but she had been wrapped up with her new girlfriend. She couldn’t remember that woman’s name, but it was safe to say that Tara didn’t have time to be friends with Beth. 

“That’d be nice, usually my only company is Judith.”

Eli grinned around a mouthful of food and patted Beth’s hand. She scribbled on her pad again and Beth did her best to read it upside down.

**I really like your hair. It’s very pretty. How do you keep it so well tamed?**

She tugged helplessly at her rat’s nest of hair. Beth let out a musical laugh that Eli returned with a crooked smile. 

“I can do your hair for you, I got really good at it back on the farm. Maggie’s hair is too short for me to do much with. But yours leaves so many opportunities!”

Eli slurped up the last of her oatmeal and jumped to her feet. Her eyes seemed to plead, now? Beth smiled indulgently and finished off her own bowl. Rising, the two rinsed their dishes in some water and headed to Beth’s cell. 

Beth ushered her in and sat down on her bunk. Gesturing for Eli to sit in front of her, she pulled a brush off a makeshift table beside her bed. Beth started at the tips and gently detangled Eli’s long strands. It took several minutes, but at last every piece was unknotted and her hair was shiny and soft. Beth admired the black locks, running her fingers through Eli’s hair and scratching her short nails along her scalp. Eli sighed and slumped a bit, head tilted backwards slightly. The blonde giggled and extracted her fingers. Eli puffed through her nose and started to turn her head back to look at the younger woman. Beth stopped her and straightened her neck.

“Now, look at that wall and don’t move while I do this. I want it to come out straight and it will take a long time to fix if I get it wrong.”

Eli held perfectly still and felt Beth’s fingers pull the hair near her face towards the back of her head. She took the time to let her eyes explore her room. Beth had decorated the cell as best she could given her circumstances. There were a few magazine cutouts of women in fancy clothes, some of landscapes, even a few torn out recipes. It looked like she had used duct tape to hold the items to the walls, as a few of them were falling off. She had a colorful sheet blocking off the bars to the cell. A floral print that might have been on a little girl’s bed at one point. There were pretty stones resting on flat surfaces and little keychain knicknacks. 

Eli felt her heart swell a little bit for the woman behind her. In all of this ugliness, in all of the horrible tragedy that this world displayed, Beth was trying to find the beauty. She was finding joy in the little things, grasping on to the concept of home in a place so formidable. Eli very carefully reached back and squeezed Beth’s knee. She paused in her ministrations and whispered,

“Don’t you move missy, you’re gonna make me mess up!”

Eli kept her torso perfectly still and did a little salute. Beth chuckled and nudged her with her leg. It took nearly ten minutes, but Beth was finally coming to the end of Eli’s hair. It was a good thing too, because for about five of those minutes, she had been making little whimpers of pain. Eli had remained perfectly still while she worked, but she intended to rectify that pain as soon as she finished. 

“There!” Beth declared, “All done, you look beautiful!”

The dark haired woman took her word for it as there were no mirrors available. Shuffling around so she was facing Beth, she took up her pen and asked,

**What’s the matter?**

The younger woman furrowed her brow in confusion,

“What do you mean, Eli?”

**You’ve been whimpering. Are you hurt? Do you need to see Hershel?**

Beth chuckled and winced. 

“No, Daddy can’t help with this. It’s just cramps.”

When Eli tilted her head and waited for further explanation, Beth blushed and pressed forward

“You know,” she lowered her voice, “period cramps.”

Understanding dawned on Eli. 

**Haven’t had that in a long time. I forgot about cramps. Turn around, I’ll rub your back.**

Beth complied readily. When cramps hit her, she was pretty much useless until they went away. There weren’t any heating pads and she didn’t dare ask for painkillers. You never know when someone else might need those more. Spinning, she sighed in relief when Eli’s thumbs dug into the muscles of her lower back. 

“What do you mean you haven’t had your period? Are you pregnant?”

She felt Eli’s shoulders shake in silent laughter and guessed that was a no. After a moment, she felt her shrug and thought on why Eli didn’t have a menstrual cycle anymore.

“Did you used to have it regularly?”

A nod.

“Maybe it’s because you’ve not been eating right. I read somewhere that woman that have eating disorders don’t get their periods. I think their bodies try to preserve as much energy as possible, growing a baby would do the opposite.”

Another shrug.

“Well thank you for helping me.”

Eli grinned and nuzzled Beth’s neck. She had been smoothing circles into the soft skin of Beth’s back and hips. She worked her hands up her trapezius muscles and focused on her neck for a few minutes. If all of her muscles were loosened, she should feel better. Exercise would help as well. That gave her an idea. 

Just as she reached for her pad of paper, she heard the familiar thumping of boots on the catwalk. Scrambling to her feet, she exited Beth’s cell. The blonde followed close behind, wondering what Eli’s rush was.  Daryl’s figure came into view with Rick close behind him. Both were covered in blood and Daryl was sporting a large bruise on his right cheek. Eli rushed towards the men and Beth was hot on her heels.

“Are you both okay? What happened? Why are you covered in blood?” Beth fired off questions.

Eli was silent and reached up to touch Daryl’s cheek. Her eyes caught his and she jerked her hand back before contact could be made. Holding it close to her body, she looked away. 

_ -You should see Hershel.- _

She signed without looking up. Daryl swayed in her direction and she flinched back slightly. Rick grasped his shoulder and shook his head. 

“It’s alright Beth. Daryl and me ran into a few walkers. Not a big deal.”

Eli had already turned around and headed back to Beth’s cell. Rick watched her leave with concern. Beth gave him a reassuring smile and followed after the older woman. 

Daryl was stunned. Eli had never pulled away from him. Stupid, he thought to himself, you fucked everything up again. He felt Rick’s hand slide around his hips and allowed the man to lead him away.

“Let’s get you to Hershel. Beth’ll sort Eli out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost out of prewritten stuff. Once it's gone, updates will be weekly. I hope you'll stick with me! I have big plans for this story and I think it's gonna be great
> 
> Leave me a comment if you want me to clarify anything or you have a fluffy scene you'd like perhaps


	26. Advice from a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli confides in Beth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bold is writing

Beth trailed after her new friend anxiously. Whatever had happened between Eli and Daryl must have been big. The women may not have been close prior to that day, but Beth had been watching. She had noticed how much the two had relied on each other, offering comfort without being asked. Listening avidly. It had to be hard on Eli. Daryl was the only person that could understand her well.

Shaking her head to clear the negative thoughts, Beth resolved to learn more sign language. Hopefully Daryl and Eli would make up, but it never hurt to have more people to talk to. Brushing aside the curtain to her cell, she was stunned at the state of her friend.

Eli was leaned against the far wall, forehead lightly tapping against it. Her hand was wrapped firmly around the braid Beth had put in and she was tugging sharply. Beth edged closer in concern. The dark haired woman had her eyes squeezed shut and her lips were moving in silent words. Reaching out, Beth slid her hand between Eli and the wall. At the contact, she opened her eyes wide. Beth suddenly found her arms full of a shaking Eli.

The older woman clung to her like a lifeline. She buried her face in Beth’s chest and squeezed her waist hard. Beth stroked a hand down her back and rested her chin on her hair. After a few moments, Eli stopped shaking and Beth spoke.

“What can I do to help?”

Eli nuzzled her once more before releasing her. Stepping back, she looked into Beth’s bright blue eyes and frowned. Tugging on her hand, she snuggled up beside her on Beth’s bunk. 

**I think I might have hurt Daryl.**

Beth nearly laughed. But Eli’s face was sincere and there was remorse in her eyes. 

“How?” She couldn’t fathom how someone as small as the woman beside her could hurt a man as strong as Daryl.

**He’s fragile.**

Beth eyed her skeptically and Eli swatted at her leg. Furrowing her brow, she started scribbling again.

**Not his body, you’ve seen his muscles but I’ve felt them. I know how strong he is. But his life wasn’t good, even before the dead got up and tried to make happy meals of the living. I think I hurt him by being too close. Me and Rick have been so touchy with him that I forgot how being caught off guard can make you uncomfortable.**

“What happened?”

**Judith took her first steps this morning…**

“Really! Oh I can’t believe I missed it! I’ve been hoping she’d walk for weeks now! She never seemed interested with me.” Beth gushed.

Eli smiled at her indulgently. After a the other woman had settled down again, Eli continued writing.

**So she walked over to Daryl and I was so happy. Daryl was kissing her and praising her and I hugged the both of them. Daryl looked at me funny and I think I misread him. I thought he was uncomfortable because Judy walked to him, like maybe he thought Rick should have been the one. So I gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him he was as much her daddy as Rick was. But it was like he didn’t register anything after I had kissed him. I talked to Rick about it and he thinks it’s because I got so close to his face.**

She sniffled and wrote in a shaky hand,

**I’m the worst. I didn’t ask for his consent. I of all people know how important it is to ask permission before touching. And to get so close to someone’s face when they’ve been treated poorly is the worst possible thing I could have possibly done. Beth how do I fix this???**

Beth slid arms around the smaller woman and waited for her to gather herself. She had her own thoughts about Eli misreading Daryl’s look. Her mind wandered to what Eli had written about knowing how important it was to get consent. She was a little worried about it, but now was not the time to ask. Right now Eli needed advice on how to make things better with Daryl. 

“Well, you could start by apologizing. And then, just maybe try not to be so clingy with him for a while. If you really feel like you made him uncomfortable, just avoid situations like that entirely.”

Eli nodded as Beth spoke. She pinched her lips together and looked sideways at her once she was finished. Taking up her pen, she gnawed it in contemplation before writing.

**I’m a little mad at him too though. I can’t talk and he took advantage of that. I tried to apologize immediately but he shut his eyes. This is the second time he’s done that. The first time he wouldn’t tell Rick what I had said. It makes me feel helpless. He’s the only one that understands, although Carl’s been grasping some words. I don’t like being silenced.**

Beth nodded. She could understand that. 

“Then you better tell him to say sorry too. He probably doesn’t realize he’s done it or that it’s bothering you. Why don’t you go tell him now?”

Eli shook her head and reached for Beth’s hand. Patting it, she communicated silently that she wanted to spend time with Beth. She wrote carefully on her pad of paper with her free hand.

**I wanna get to know you more. It’s nice to talk to you. I think you might understand me a little better than Rick and Daryl.**

Beth grinned widely.

“What do you wanna know?”


	27. Packing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little bitty fluff, last chapter I have prewritten, sorry guys!

Daryl rushed up to the nest. He was hoping to pack and leave tonight, but Rick would probably want to wait. It wasn’t that he was running away from Eli, per say. He just wasn’t sure how to handle the conflict between them. Daryl was a man of few words. Unfortunately, the few words he did speak usually made things worse rather than better. He sighed loudly and threw a few shirts and jeans into a backpack.

“You runnin’ away, Daryl?”

Rick’s voice startled the younger man, causing him to jump slightly.

“Ain’t runnin’.”

Rick eyed him skeptically. Moving slowly, he stood before Daryl and reached out a hand. Daryl’s body tensed. He stood perfectly still, keeping a wary eye on Rick’s fingers. They came to rest on his bruised cheek, barely brushing the swollen skin.

“‘M sorry I hit you. I don’t, I’m not,” Rick’s voice faltered. “I ain’t usually like that. I shouldn’t have, for any reason. I swear I won’t do it again.”

Daryl stayed still a moment longer before turning away. 

“I told you, touch me again and I’ll cut off your dick.”

Mentally he berated himself on his choice of words. He couldn’t have just said okay? Not even an, I understand Rick, don’t worry about it Rick. He had to fucking threaten the man.  Rick laughed heartily. The younger man glanced over at him and cracked a small smile. Kneeling, he continued to shove items into his pack. Bandaids, moonshine, thread and needle. You never know. It paid to be safe in the world they lived in now. 

“When are we gonna leave?”

Rick had been expecting the question and scratched at his hair. He knew Daryl wanted to head out tonight, but Carl would be furious with him. 

“We gotta wait until tomorrow. But we can head out at dawn. I can’t leave without notice, Carl would be pissed. And you shouldn’t leave without saying somethin’ to Eli.”

Daryl glared at him. 

“Ain’t your business.”

“I know that. I’m not gonna press either, but I care about the both of you. I’d hate to see you hurtin’ each other over something like this. If you don’t wanna talk to her, you can talk to me. I’m not gonna take sides, so you can just vent. Ain’t gotta be now, or all at once. But I’ll always lend you an ear when you need it.”

Daryl cast his eyes downwards and chewed at his thumb. Rick reached down and pried the digit from his teeth.

“Quit eatin’ yourself, we ain’t  _ tha _ _t_ hungry yet!” Rick teased gently.

The younger man snorted and threw a sock at him. Rick grinned and spoke again.

“I’m gonna go pack myself. I should let Carl know in case he wants to wake up to see us off.”

He slid his fingers through Daryl’s hair in farewell and headed to the door. Daryl blushed and stared at his knees. 

“You should grab a shower too,” Rick called over his shoulder, “Who knows how long we’ll be gone for.”

A boot came flying towards his head and he yelped in surprise. Cackling, he dodged it and slipped into the stairwell. 

Daryl tilted his head back and exhaled. What was he gonna say to Eli? Would she even come up to sleep with him after he'd stormed out like that? A glance at the sky told him odds were slim. 

This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoot me some comments! I'll be updating weekly, you'll have at least one chapter every Sunday from now until my head explodes
> 
> Still no beta so I'm gonna do my best to make sure it flows


	28. Beth's Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth opens up to Eli in a way she hasn't with anyone else in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: discussion about attempted suicide

Eli and Beth had settled down in the blonde’s bunk and built a fort out of the blankets. The younger woman could tell that Eli was hurting from her fight with Daryl and thought that a bit of silliness might cheer her up. They spent nearly an hour perfecting their cubbyhole. Beth even went so far as to ask Maggie for a few pillows. At first she'd been suspicious, but once Beth had reluctantly explained the situation, her big sister had handed them over without a fuss. Beth knew she had a soft spot for their new friend, who could resist someone as sweet as Eli?

As for Eli, she truly enjoyed the opportunity to indulge her new friend. Poor Beth had still been a teenager, and fairly sheltered, when the world went to pieces. Eli was hoping their fun might take her mind off the horrible situation they found themselves in these days. Eli had tried (and failed) to braid Beth's beautiful hair. Once it was hopelessly tangled, the younger woman had burst into laughter and Eli grinned at her joy. They’d swapped corny jokes for a while and then moved on to discuss their favorite bands. Eli had turned up her nose when Beth said her favorite was Taylor Swift. She pouted playfully and asked,

“Well fine, if you don’t like her, who’s your favorite?”

Eli tapped her chin thoughtfully.

**Probably Issues. Their lead singer was the best, his voice was beautiful, he was from the south too, just like us** . 

Beth raised her eyebrow skeptically, “I’ve never heard of them, are they any good?”

Eli barked out a laugh and patted Beth’s knee.

**Listening to bands like T. Swift there’s no way you would have heard of them. I thought they were great, a lot of people aren’t into that kind of music though. I really loved their lyrics, they really meant something. There was this song, Princeton Ave, that really spoke to me. It was about domestic violence and breaking the cycle of abuse.**

Beth nodded along. Domestic violence was something that lay close to her heart. Her daddy had quit drinking when Beth was a child still, and for that she was grateful. Something in him shifted with alcohol, and he was afraid he’d end up like his father and hurt his children. Eli was still writing and Beth pulled herself from her musings to catch up.

**Another favorite was Coma. Beautiful song, Towards the end of it, the vocalist starts speaking. He says, ‘I don’t know where you are, in your mind but listen to your soul, trying to find it’s way back to your heart.’ It’s a beautiful line. Really helped to pull me out of some darker times. It made me feel like, no matter how dark it was in my head, I'd eventually be able to see the light again.**

Eli let her pen fall and waited for Beth’s reading to catch up to her. When Beth lifted her eyes from the page, Eli was surprised to see tears there. Thinking quickly, she scrambled up and pulled Beth into her arms. That was all it took. Beth’s composure snapped and she sobbed desperately into Eli’s shirt. The older woman did the only thing she could, she held on. It took nearly a half hour for Beth to dry out, in that time, Carol had poked her head into the cell to see what was happening. Eli waved her away, eyes communicating that she could handle the situation. Carol had nodded her encouragement and slipped away with Beth none the wiser. Once the blonde’s crying dulled to the occasional sniffle, Eli held her at arms length and silently begged for an explanation. 

“It’s just,” Beth sniffed hard, “It’s stupid really.”

Eli snorted and scribbled on her pad of paper.

**If it was stupid you wouldn’t have broken down like that.**

The younger woman gave her a watery smile and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

“Back, before we got here and we were still on daddy’s farm. And long before Rick and his group got there, my mama and brother, they got bit.” She paused to take a deep breath. 

Eli reached for her hand and rubbed it softly. 

“Daddy thought, well really, we all thought they were just sick. We hoped that someone out there would come up with a cure and they could go back to being our family. Maggie was the one that held us together. I don't think it hurt so bad, since she's so much older than me. We have different mama's, mine was her stepmother. But time passed and nothing happened. We kept them locked in the barn. Daddy said we had to keep feeding them, just to make sure they’d survive until the cure came. So we all took turns and fed them chickens, pigs, anything really.”

Eli’s ministrations paused and she mouthed,  _ anything _ ? Beth blinked twice in confusion before understanding dawned on her.

“No! No Eli, we never gave them people! We didn’t even get close to them, just climbed a ladder and threw things in from the roof. No, we kept them safe, and no one was ever in danger of them. That is, until Rick came,” Beth looked sheepishly at Eli. “You heard that Carl was shot, right?”

Eli nodded and squeezed her hand.

“Well, he had to get better so daddy decided to let Rick’s group stay. But there was this man, Shane. He was awful, wouldn’t listen, so violent. When he found out about the people in our barn, he lost it. Started screaming about how, if they were just sick, shooting them in the chest should kill them. Then he did it. But they just kept walking towards him, moaning and stumbling. I watched my brother- Eli, I had to watch him  _ murder _ my mom. He shot her point blank in the head. It was horrible, like losing her all over again. And we thought,” she took a breath, “we were sure they were still in there, trapped inside, like your song says. And that if we tried hard enough, they’d find their way back. We prayed and prayed, and it never happened. I know now. I know that they were already dead. But it just hurt so bad.”

Eli sat in silence for a few moments longer. Giving her hand a tight squeeze, she leaned forward to write.

**Is that when you tried to kill yourself?**

Eli was blunt and Beth was shocked by her matter-of-fact writing. The older woman simply slid a finger around her hand to tap her wrist. 

**It’s okay. You're not the first person to do it, and certainly not in the world we live in now. You can tell me. You’re not alone.**

She offered no evidence, but Beth was still comforted. 

“There was a woman, Andrea. Looking back, she was- there had to have been something wrong with her. Maggie found me crying and I told her about, how I was feeling, and she locked me in my room. She didn’t leave me alone in there or anything, she made sure someone was always with me. And to be honest it wasn’t the first time I’d felt that way. I’ve got a history of depression and when the world ended so did my supply of medication.”

Eli nodded, and slipped an arm around Beth’s waist. The blonde rested her head on her shoulder and continued her tale.

“Andrea, the woman from Rick’s group, convinced Maggie that Glenn was looking for her. She and Glenn had just started their relationship so it was a good ploy. Maggie was torn between taking care of me, her kid sister, and going to find her new lover. All it took was Andrea saying she’d sit with me. As soon as Maggie was out of the house, Andrea leaves me a knife and tells me to make a choice.”

**That's horrible, Beth. You don’t need to keep going. I know what happens next.**

Beth shook her head,

“I need to Eli. Once Andrea was gone, I made my choice It felt like it was the right one, but looking back, I don't think it was. Maggie found me before things got too bad. She saved me, again. I heard she went and tore Andrea a new one too. My big sister is always the one who saves me. And I just felt so worthless, like a dead weight that was holding her back. But she was there for me, and that awful woman died when the horde swept through. I made my choice, and I don’t regret it, but I’m so glad Maggie found me.”

They sat together, neither attempting to break the silence. Eli thought over what Beth had revealed to her. That was huge, for someone to be able to talk about something as painful as that. It took a good deal of courage and Eli wanted to express that to her. She breathed out and reached for her pen.

**I’m incredibly proud of you.**

Beth gaped at her, mouth open to ask why. Eli shushed her and continued writing.

**You are so brave. Thank you for your story, and thank you for your life. That you were able to tell me all of this says a lot about how far you’ve come. I told you you weren’t alone and I meant it. I tried when I was younger as well, only I didn’t have a big sister to pick me up and brush me off. It’s amazing that you had such a great support system. Have you told her how much it meant to you that she was there for you?**

Beth shook her head, “I try not to bring it up, I don’t want to upset her.”

**I don’t think she’d be upset. I think she would be proud of you as well. Especially since you've grown and come to see your worth as a person. You’ve not had a moment of rest, and I can tell that these feelings have been eating you up inside.**

“I’ve never talked to anyone about this,” she whispered.

**But now you have. You’ve told me, and that’s the first step. I think you need to talk to Maggie, too.**

“Right now?” her voice was very small.

Eli smiled at her and stroked her hair.

**No, you don’t need to do it now. But I think it might be a good idea. You can take the momentum from us talking to start this conversation with Maggie. She’s your big sister, she loves you and I know she puts you above all else. I can tell just by looking at her. Life is too short not to tell people how much they mean to you, especially with things the way they are now.**

Beth sniffed one last time and nodded her head resolutely. She and Eli stood and embraced. The shorter woman squeezed Beth tight before pulling back. Cocking her head, she grinned up at her. She grabbed her pen and jotted a quick note.

**Speak of the devil.**

Sure enough, they heard a knock on the cell bars and Maggie herself poked her head in. 

“Brought y’all some lunch, you’ve been in here a while. Carol snuck in some chocolate as well-” she stopped short when she caught sight of her sister’s face.

“Bethy what’s wrong?” Maggie rushed into the cell and Eli moved out of the way. 

Beth threw her arms around her big sister and mouthed a thank you over her shoulder to Eli. The dark haired woman saluted, grabbed a sandwich, and waltzed out of the cell. 

She'll be okay, thought Eli. Everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! I was so pumped from all of your comments that I had to write this little chapter. It's a bit of a downer, but I also thought it gave a sense of hope. 
> 
> I'm going to be working on the next chapter, this one I believe is between Rick and Eli. A little one on one time


	29. A Heart to Heart with Carol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl seeks advice (shocking) from one of his closest friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited to have had 200+ hits I decided to give you a chapter early! There will be one tomorrow as well, so don't fret, we are still on schedule.

Daryl stood awkwardly in the doorway to Carol’s cell. It’d taken him some mental bullying to come down from the nest and see her. Rick had said they couldn’t leave until dawn, that left the rest of the day with time to kill. She was facing away from him, Judith bouncing in her lap. The two of them looked comfortable, snuggled down on the floor with a blanket beneath them. He debated turning around and heading back up to the nest. It wasn’t like him to seek advice. 

“I know you’re there, Pookie,” Carol spoke without turning. “You can come in.”

He grunted in response and slid into the cell. Judith lit up when she caught sight of him. She reached up, gurgling with enthusiasm. Carol grinned between the two of them and patted the bunk beside her. Daryl sighed in exasperation and sunk onto the small bed. It amazed him daily that the little girl was so infatuated with him. 

“C’mere sweetheart,” he muttered softly, a lilt of fondness in his tone. 

Judith clapped her hands and made more grabbing motions at the stoic man. He shook his head again and lifted a brow.

“You want me to do all the work? I don’t think so, baby. Go on, show Carol your stuff.”

Carol watched in mild surprise as Judith pulled herself up on shaky legs. Once she was standing, she tottered dangerously forward. Daryl tensed, but made no move to grab her. Carol looked on anxiously, but if the hunter felt she was fine, then she’d just have to trust him. 

It took several tense seconds, but sure enough, Judith balanced herself and took a step towards the big man. He smiled at her in encouragement and she cooed back at him. Three steps later and she was pressed between his legs, smiling up at him. Carol clapped in praise, startling Judy. The hunter watched in alarm as the little girl swung her head around too fast and lost her balance. Daryl reached out, scooping her up just as she started to fall. The baby screeched in joy as he pretended to munch on her tummy. 

“Good job!” he praised. “Showed Carol, huh? That’s right, my lil’ asskicker. You’re a big girl now, gonna be raisin’ hell pretty soon.”

Carol smiled at the picture the pair made and rested a hand on Daryl’s knee. The hunter flicked his eyes to her hand for a split second before shifting his attention back to the little girl in his arms. Carol’s grin spread even further. 

“Look at you, Pookie.” 

Daryl furrowed his brow at her in question.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much enthusiasm out of you, not to mention this,” she dropped her eyes to her hand, still resting against his knee. “There was a time you wouldn’t let anyone within a few feet of you, let alone touch you.”

Uncomfortable, he shifted Judith to one arm and slid the edge of his thumb between his teeth. He gripped her tightly around the waist, making sure she didn’t fall off the bed. 

“So?” he growled out.

Carol rolled her eyes and pulled away from him. She slid her legs up and rested her chin on her knees, studying the hunter.

“What’s going on with you, Daryl?” 

The sudden shift in conversation threw him for a loop and Daryl let out a very undignified,

“Huh?”

“You came to see me, something you’ve never done before I might add. You’re playing with Judy, and frankly I’ve never seen-”

“Hey, don’t be sayin’ I don’t play with her. I’ve been takin’ care of her since the day she was born.”

Carol held up a placating hand.

“I know that, that’s not what I mean. I mean, you’re doing it in front of me. You put on a tough face when you’re around people, even with Judith. But lately you’ve been more open. You’ve been saying more, teasing people even. Obviously you needed me for something. But it can’t be urgent or you wouldn’t have stopped to spend time with this one here,” Carol tickled the baby’s foot.

Daryl frowned at her. Was he being more open? He’d not snapped at anyone in a while, but that didn’t mean anything. People had been treating him better, so he’d done the same.Playing with Judith didn’t mean anything either, he always did that. Just maybe not this much in front of anyone. Was he acting different?

“Oh stop it,” Carol pulled him out of his thoughts. “It isn’t a bad thing you know. Things are starting to look up for you, finally. You deserve it Pookie.”

“It ain’t nothing,” Darryl said firmly. 

Carol pursed her lips, “Why’d you come to me?”

Warm blue eyes sought hers. 

“Dunno.”

The woman before him raised a brow but remained silent. For a few minutes, the only sound passing between them was Judith’s soft breathing. The baby was fast falling asleep, the excitement of walking and seeing her favorite person too much for her. Daryl struggled with himself, torn between wanting advice and not wanting to talk about his problems. 

“I ain’t a girl,” he started, “I don’t need to have you mothering me.”

“Oh bullshit,” Carol said bluntly. “You came to me Pookie, you need something. Don’t you let the ghost of Merle or anyone else get in your head and stop you from getting what you need.”

Daryl’s kneejerk reaction was to cus the woman out. Raise hell and challenge her for disrespecting his brother. He’d only just lost him, and it didn’t feel right to badmouth the dead. But he realized that he didn’t need to keep Merle’s ghost in his head. He loved his brother, but there were things wrong with the way he looked at the world. He peeked at Carol from behind his bangs.

“Take your time Pookie, I ain’t going anywhere.”

“It’s,” he didn’t know where to start. “I don’t know Carol.”

He slumped forward, curling around Judith’s sleeping form. Carol took pity on him.

“How about you start with why this cutie was dropped off by her frantic daddy. Or why you came to me with a black eye.”

Daryl sat up again. He’d been frantic? Over him? He shook the thought away

“I deserved the shiner.” 

“Don’t you say that. You’re too self-sacrificing. I’ve seen you do it a hundred times before. I watched you take abuse from Tyreese over something you had no hand in, and I watched Merle take out his frustrations on you over nothing. Now, who gave it to you?”

He gnawed on his lip, ignoring the question for now. 

Carol looked like she wanted to say more, but Daryl shook his head slightly.

“I did something stupid and acted like an ass. I deserved it.” 

She pressed her lips together, but held her tongue on the matter.

“Fine, then what happened with Rick?”

“Dunno where to start.”

“How about the beginning?”

Daryl rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.

“This mornin’ I woke up and it was just me and Rick in the nest.” Color spread over his cheeks, “Man’s a damn octopus. Took me a minute, but I untangle from him to go find Eli. It’s not usual for her to get up before me, must’ve been up just at dawn. Checked all the normal places, bathroom, Carl’s room. I noticed it was just him in there and figured she’d grabbed Judy and gone to the kitchen.”

He stopped and adjusted the baby in his arms. Carol nodded for him to continue.

“I get down there an’ she’s cookin’ somethin up, probably Judy’s bottle. But they’re dancin’, swaying around the room together, her holding up the baby and whistlin’ some tune. ‘You are my Sunshine.’ S’what I call her,” he blushed again and cleared his throat. “Judith is payin’ such attention, cause she’s signin’ with one hand and twirling with the other. I didn’t want to interrupt, but it felt wrong to just watch them. Eli notices me and leads Judith over. Before they can reach me, she stops and let’s go of Lil Asskicker’s hands. And she just walked over to me, like it was nothin’.” Daryl couldn’t stop the note of pride in his voice. 

Carol grinned at him but remained silent. She was pretty sure this was the most candid Daryl had been since they’d met, and it didn’t seem like he was done. 

“Was amazing. I scoop her up, huggin’ her and Eli runs over and does the same. Next thing I know, she-” he cut off and looked anywhere but at Carol.

“You can tell me Pookie, you know I won’t tell anyone else.”

Daryl fought through his hesitance and blurted it out.

“She kissed me. It wasn’t anything, just on the cheek, but I wasn’t expecting it. Before my brain can catch up to me, I’m pushing Judy at her and turning away.” He bit viciously at his nail. “Next thing I know, I’m in the forest and there’s three walkers on me. Got two of em’, close call. Wasn’t payin’ attention and the last one takes me down. Nearly got bit-”

“Daryl Dixon, what were you thinking? You can’t go out without a clear head! You saw what happened with Rick, man nearly got killed thinkin’ a walker was his wife.” Carol started in on him, temporarily cutting off anything else he might have said. The man waved his hand in annoyance.

“I heard it all already. Rick found me and put the fucker down. Damn near ripped my head off, clocked me for my troubles. Screaming about bein’ irresponsible, and how would Eli feel if I got bit. Heard it all.” Daryl fell silent again. 

Carol blinked in shock. 

“Rick hit you?” the tone of her voice held the slightest bit of trepidation. 

It took Daryl a second to place it. Understanding flew through him and he was quick to sooth Carol.

“It ain’t like that. He was just scared. I swear it, I scared him is all.”

“Don’t you make excuses for him, Daryl. There’s never a good reason for a person to hit someone they care about.”

“I’m tellin’ you, it ain’t like that Carol. I coulda clocked him back, but he calmed me down first. We’re men, it’s what we do. Besides, I really needed it, wasn’t thinkin’ clear. It wasn’t unprovoked. He ain’t like that.”

She didn’t answer for a long time, Daryl begged her without words to understand. 

“Alright, I believe you Daryl,” she paused, “but don’t you go thinkin’ you ever deserve to be hit.” 

He nodded shortly before continuing.

“So we head back and Eli stops us on our way up to see Hershel. Wasn’t like we needed to see him, but Rick was insistin’. Eli’s hair was done up and away from her face, Beth must’ve done it. She’s all concerned and rushes over to us. And honest, when she walked up to me, I thought we were good. But then she kinda shut down, pulled away and wouldn’t look at me. I don’t know what I did, Carol. I’m goin’ on a run tomorrow and I don’t think she’s gonna wanna see me. Hell, I don’t even know if I can face her, not after she pulled back, like I’d hit her or somethin’.”

“You didn’t, did you? If you don’t remember how you got in the forest...”

Daryl looked at Carol in horror.

“I’d never! I ain’t never laid hands on a woman, and I’d never lay hands on her. That girl’s been through a lot of shit, I never want to see her hurt again.”

He was a little pissed that Carol would even ask such a thing. She knew he’d never subscribed to the sexist bullshit his father and brother had. He was so consumed by his righteous indignation, he almost didn’t catch the small smile playing about Carol’s lips and the pride in her eyes.

“What?” he grit out.

“Do you think,” she started, “maybe you ran away because you care about her? She kissed you and I don’t know much about your life from before the dead started walking, but I doubt you’ve had a person like Eli in your life. She’s very tactile and you aren’t usually a fan of physical contact.”

“I didn’t run-”

“Daryl, you nearly became walker food. That’s running.”

He bowed his head and groaned, softly, so as not to wake Judith. 

“It’s not-”

“Don’t you tell me it ain’t nothin’. I can count the number of people you’ve let close to you on one hand. Four,” she held out her fingers to accentuate her point. “Four of us. There’s me, and I only got here through perseverance and refusing to back down. Even when you started acting like an ass. Judy, but who wouldn’t love that little girl. Rick, who it took more than a year for you to let it. Even then, he earned your respect before he earned your affection. And then Eli. That woman slipped past all of your defenses in a few days. Hell even on her first day, you were treating her more gently than you’ve ever treated anyone.”

Daryl stared at her, gobsmacked.

“Yes, you big bonehead. Eli told me about the showers, skimmed over a couple details, but her words were pretty clear. The evidence has been written down, so don’t try to deny it. Now, I know you see me as some sort of mother figure, and that’s why you care so much about me. Judith you love like a daughter. You were the first to feed her, care for her, truly love her as a person. So now the question you need to ask yourself, if how do you see Rick and Eli.”

He chewed on his lip again and glanced at Carol. 

“Rick?”

She shot him a knowing look. 

“You wouldn’t let just anyone throw a punch without retaliating. There’s somethin’ going on. I think it’s about time you figured it out.”

Carol pat him on the leg and rose from the floor. Bending, she scooped Judith up and left Daryl alone to think about what she’d said. He watched her go and dropped his head into his hands. Part of him wanted to hide away, leave for the run and not look back. That way he wouldn’t need to think about any of this. 

“What am I gonna do,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Daryl being too OOC? Trying to ease him into the story while staying true to his personality. I've got big plans for next week, so stay tuned. 
> 
> Comments and kudos fuel me, my email pings on my phone while I'm at work (I work a lot) so it adds a little boost to my day! Thanks for your continued support and I hope you stick with me!


	30. Carl's Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl gets closer to Eli
> 
> Not much of a summary but! All becomes clear pretty quickly in the chapter

Eli had gone for a long walk around the prison yard after she left Beth. She thought the fresh air might do her some good, at the very least let her clear her head. It was a heavy thing, to listen to someone talk about their almost end. 

She paused a few yards from the fence and watched the walkers reaching for her. A thousand thoughts flew through her head. The constant struggle to survive was hard enough without your head fighting against you. How simple it would be to walk into death’s embrace. It was easy to give up, especially now. What Beth had found was something more than that. The strength to push through the darkest days in her life and still find beauty in the small things. It occurred to Eli that the small trinkets and magazine cutouts were there to remind Beth that there was still joy to be found. Still moments of beauty left in this world 

Consumed by her thoughts, she didn’t hear footsteps approaching. A solid body slammed into her own and, caught off guard, Eli rolled, using the momentum to flip them over. She had pinned her attacker’s arms to his body and had a hand wrapped firmly around his throat before she realized who it was. 

Carl stared wide eyed up at Eli, fear painted plainly across his face. She blinked twice before the her brain caught up to the situation. She immediately pulled her hand away from Carl’s neck and started signing in rapid apology.

_ -Oh my god! Carl, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was you. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry! Oh my god, we need to get you to Hershel. I’m so sorry.- _

Eli was stricken, she’d attacked a child! Didn’t even think to check who it was, just blindly struck. Carl watched her carefully and picked up the conversation as best he could. She was moving a bit faster than he was used to, even with her teaching him signs since she’d gotten there. When he figured out what she was saying, a blinding grin spread over his features. 

“That was awesome! Eli you’re amazing! How’d you do that? Can you teach me?”

The woman just stared down at him, gobsmacked. When his excitement filtered through the mess in her head, she slid off of his torso and lay on the ground beside him. Her hands covered her face, confusing Carl. He turned his to peer at her and she lost it. Slipping her arms down, Eli laughed and laughed, holding her stomach with the force of it. No noise came out, but her face turned pink and then red, her breath coming in gasps. Carl pushed himself up to rest on one elbow and grin down at her. 

“You’re such a badass,” the boy was obviously in awe.

Eli snorted and batted at his chest. 

_ -Language kiddo, what would your daddy say?- _

Carl huffed, a scowl marring his features. 

“That’s not fair, Daryl swears too ya know.”

_ -And Daryl is a grown man. I’ll tell on you to him too, don’t think I won’t.- _

The small smile on Eli’s face told that she was just teasing. Carl let himself fall again with a slight oof. The pair laid together in companionable silence, watching the clouds go by. The faint growl of walkers put a slight damper on the peace they were feeling, but nothing was perfect. Carl snuck glances at Eli every few moments, the woman pretending not to notice. After one too many looks, she lazily flicked her hands in question.

_ -What is it, love?- _

Carl held his breath at the endearment. He released it as a long sigh.

“Why’d you come out here? Usually you’re helping out inside, or hanging out with Dad and Daryl.”

Eli shrugged halfheartedly.

“You can tell me. I’m good at secret keeping.”

She turned to study his face at the admission. 

_ -What kind of secrets do you have?- _

“You first. We could do a trade. If you answer my questions, I’ll tell you a secret.”

The boy hoped she’d take the offer. Carl didn’t know Eli very well, even though it felt like she’d been in his life forever. He had a lot of questions and this was the first time he’d been alone with her since she got to the prison. That’s not to say he wasn’t hesitant to spill his own secrets, but he hoped it’d be worth it. 

_ -Deal.- _

Carl grinned, triumphant. 

“So why’d you come out here? Walkers aren’t that interesting and there’s no chores to be done.”

_ -I just had a very serious talk with Beth. I needed to come out and spend some time alone with my thoughts.- _

She looked at Carl pointedly. He grimaced. 

“Sorry, what’d you talk about?”

Eli shook her head.

_ -That’s not for me to say. And, it’s my turn kid.- _

He pouted but nodded. That was fair. Eli thought for a moment before asking her question.

_ -What’s a secret you’ve kept from me?- _

Carl snorted. He’d spoken with Eli, but they hadn’t gone very deep in their conversations. 

“Um, tons. You don’t know any of my secrets, you’ll have to be more specific.”

_ -Let’s start off easy then. What’s one you want to tell me, that maybe you haven’t because you’re nervous to.- _

Carl pondered that. There were a lot of things he wanted to tell Eli, but he wanted answers too. If you gave up all his secrets at once, he’d have nothing left to trade. Maybe if he gave her a big one first, she’d tell him something big in return. He took a deep breath, 

“Do you like my dad?”

Eli raised a brow,  _ -That sounds like a question from you, and you didn’t answer me.- _

“It’s related,” he waved his hand dismissively. “I swear.”

She rolled her eyes and sighed, but answered all the same.

_ -Yes, I like your dad. He’s very nice to me, seems like a good man. He loves you and Judith very much.- _

“Then I’ve got a secret to tell you. It’s about him. You’re not allowed to say anything until I’m done though. Promise?”

Eli mimed zipping her lips. The boy beside her rolled his eyes, but cleared his throat to begin.

“You’re gonna need a little bit of background before I get to the secret. A long time ago, way before you got here, my mom was still alive.”

The mood was suddenly very somber, Carl speaking solemnly. Eli could feel the beginnings of dread coiling in her gut.

“And when she was alive, she was pregnant with Judith. When we got run off Hershel’s farm by walkers, we had to find a new place to live. It took a long time, but Dad and Daryl found the prison together and figured it would be a good place. Where everyone would be safe, with the walls and stuff. So we took it, cleared the area of walkers and started to clear the inside too. But it was dark, and we got separated. Lost. There were walkers everywhere,” Carl gulped at the memory and reached for Eli’s hand. “Me and Maggie were with Mom when it happened. Mom said that the baby was coming, and that it was coming right then, no time to get Hershel. Maggie and I barricaded the door as best we could to keep the walkers out. And Maggie, she says we need to do a c’section, because Mom’s hips were too thin to push the baby out. She was scared out of her mind, but she did it. There was still the scar from when she had me, but when she cut Mom, she cut really deep and Mom died. I helped Maggie get the baby out. But there was a second where Judith didn’t breathe, and then I just felt so scared. Mom told me to be brave but she was already gone by then, so it didn’t matter. Maggie said we had to go, so I put Mom down, made sure she wouldn’t turn. And then we came out of the catacombs. Dad saw us with a new baby but no Mom and he just… I don’t know, he just broke down. He wouldn’t touch Judy or talk to me, just took off to find Mom.”

Eli squeezed Carl’s hand. The boy had thrown his other arm over his eyes to block out the sun. Maybe to block out the memories.

“He was gone for a long time. I thought maybe he wasn’t going to come back, maybe he’d got lost down there. And I think Daryl thought so too, ‘cause he went to look for him. Glenn said he’d go, but Daryl wouldn’t let him, just in case there were walkers. I guess Dad must’ve attacked Daryl, ‘cause when he came back up, his throat was bruised and he was talkin’ funny. Dad lost it, couldn’t lead us anymore, barely came out of the basement, and when he did, he pretended Judith didn’t exist. He barely spoke to me, couldn’t look at me. It took him a long time to get right in the head. Daryl helped him a lot with that. I don’t know how he did it, but that’s what happened. I haven’t told anyone about what happened with my mom, or what happened with Dad. Most people know about him, ‘cause they saw it happen. But you didn’t so that counts as a secret.”

Eli nodded and waited to see if he’d say anything more. Carl rolled onto his side and curled up against her. She listened carefully to his steady breathing. He pulled in a deeper one and spoke again.

“So, my next question is, do you still like my dad, even after all he’s done wrong?”

His question hurt her heart a little. She rolled to face him and wrapped her arms around him. They spent minutes just being together, Eli giving comfort to the boy as he relived what was probably his worst day. She wondered if anyone had held him at the time. If it had occurred to the people around him that Carl would need support, even if he put on a brave face. He let out a few shuddering breaths against her chest before pulling back to see her answer.

_ -We all do things we aren’t proud of. And sometimes, when something as horrible as what happened happens, people run away. I don’t think your daddy wasn’t running from you, he was running from himself. He shouldn’t have left you alone, especially after that. But he loves you, and he has loved you, and will always love you. He loved your mom too. He loved her so much that his judgment was clouded when she died. I can see how much he loves your baby sister, even if it took him some time to get there. He shouldn’t have hurt Daryl either, but look at how close they are now. We can’t change what we’ve done, we can only control what we do from here on out.- _

Carl waited for her answer, taking comfort in her words and presence. 

_ -I still like your daddy. It takes strength to come back from a loss like that, I’m proud of him for finding his way back to you. And in case you were wondering, I like you too. You’re so brave. But you don’t need to act tough with me, you come to me with all your problems, I won’t judge you.- _

He exhaled hard with relief and hugged Eli tight. It was a little awkward given their position on the ground, but he burrowed into her embrace.

“Love you,” he murmured.

And just like that, Eli felt her heart swell for the little boy that grew up too fast.

\---------------------------------------

Rick made his way out to the yard, blinking in the bright sunlight. He’d passed Carol carrying a sleepy Judith and asked her where Carl was. 

_ “I haven’t seen him,” she shrugged. “I’ve been talking with Daryl in my cell. Saw his shiner though.”  _

_ Carol gave him a disapproving look and he winced. _

_ “I know. Shouldn’t have hit him, I was just so worried and it came out wrong under the circumstances. There’s nothing more terrifying than seeing the man you’ve come to rely on trapped under a corpse. You didn’t see him Carol, I thought he was gonna give up fighting. I got scared.” _

_ She squeezed his arm sympathetically. _

_ “He explained already. I’ll give you a pass this time, but don’t let it happen again!” she warned. _

_ He nodded, solemn and contrite. The older woman shifted Judith and gave his cheek a small pat. _

_ “Go find your boy, I’ve got Judith.” _

Stepping out of the prison, he took a moment to breathe in the fresh air. The prison was safe, and it was home, but there were days when it was just too claustrophobic. Clearly, his son had thought the same. Rick smiled as he caught sight of him snuggled up to someone, body so tangled around theirs that he couldn’t discern who it was.

“Carl,” he called, walking closer still.

The boy jerked at the sound of his name. Rick realized with mild surprise that he was curled up with Eli. He came to stand above them, a smile on his lips and hands on his hips.

“Somethin’ you wanna tell me, son?” he raised his eyebrow playfully.

Eli snorted and flipped him the bird. Carl disentangled from her and sat up, but made no move to stand. When Eli wiggled around to get more comfortable, Rick made the choice to join them. He groaned as he lowered himself to the ground. Carl teased him about his age, but Eli just watched him, her expression very serious. 

_ -Rick- _ she signed very slowly so he could understand him.  _ -I have something important to tell you.- _

While Rick sorted out what she had said, Carl’s eyes widened and he stuttered. Eli glanced at him and patted his knee. She conveyed without words that it wasn’t about their conversation, that was between them.

“Well what is it darlin’?” Rick felt his heart beat faster in his chest. Whatever it was, if Carl didn’t want him to know, it must be a big deal.

_ -A little while ago, I accidentally attacked Carl. I think he’s alright, but I just wanted you to hear it from me first. He’s your son and I think you should be told when something happens to him.- _

Rick blinked slowly. What? It was Carl who caught onto what she was saying and rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t attack me, Eli. Jeez. I tackled her and she reacted. I’m not even hurt! See?” Carl made a show of lifting his chin and baring his unmarked throat.

“What?” Rick was just a little behind, the pieces of the puzzle not quite lining up for him.

_ -Carl came out and decided to sneak up on me. I accidentally flipped him over and pinned him down before I realized who it was.- _

“It was totally badass, Dad,” Carl gushed.

_ -Language! Or I’ll tell Daryl and he won’t give you M&M’s anymore!- _

Rick let out a relieved laugh. 

“Is that all? Darlin’ I thought you were gonna tell me somethin’ awful. He’s not hurt and by the looks of it, he probably even enjoyed it! Hell, if you’ve got moves like that, you oughta teach him.”

Eli tapped her chin thoughtfully.

_ -I did want to give self defense lessons. Maybe I could start them tomorrow.- _

“Why wait? Can you teach me now?” the boy was very excited. The moves Eli had put on him had been amazing.

She smiled at him and glanced at Rick for permission.

“I don’t see why not, what do you need?”

Her grin turned predatory.

_ -A willing victim.- _

\-------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we get to see Eli kicking ass and taking names! Also, confrontation with Daryl? The possibilities are endless!!


	31. Brawlin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli teaches the group a couple of self defense moves. Daryl accidentally shoves his foot down his throat. 
> 
> Excitement and Action!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy people, I was home sick from work today and wrote two chapters. You may have one of them today, as long as you think nice things about me feeling better so I can get out more of the story!
> 
> Still my own beta, so hopefully no mistakes, but if there are some, they are mine.

Daryl was pulled from his silent contemplation (moping) by shouts from the yard. 

After Carol had wandered off, he’d gone back to the nest to finish packing. Once he had packed his third sweatshirt, none of which were needed in the for the run, he gave up. Crawling out of the nest, he rolled over to rest on his back. Daryl nibbled on his lip and watched the clouds pass by. The open sky helped calm him down. Up here, he was far enough away that the walkers’ sounded more like a distant buzzing than their constant moaning. 

But the shouting had ripped him from his self-made sanctuary. Jumping to his feet, Daryl headed to the edge of the roof to see the commotion. His people were ringed around a pair who appeared to be fighting. One figure was much larger than the other, and the hunter had to squint to make out who they were. That one had to be Tyreese, no one else was built like him, but who was the other? He stared hard, and then pulled back in alarm. Without a thought, he was off and running

Daryl tore through the prison, ignoring the curious calls from those still within its walls. Bursting through the door to the yard, he found himself momentarily blinded by the sunlight. Taking a breath to orient himself, he charged towards the gathered mob.

“Hey!” he yelled, fury lacing his tone. 

The cheering and shouts of the others drowned out his words. Daryl growled. With more force than necessary, he shoved his way through the throng towards the center. 

“Hey!” he shouted again, louder this time. 

To his surprise, he saw Rick turn to look at him. The man was wearing a grin which slid off his face when he caught sight of the hunter. Moving quickly, he pushed towards the enraged man. Before Daryl could move any further to the fighting pair, Rick had wrapped strong arms around him. 

“Hey now, don’t be doing anything stupid there,” he started, raising his voice just a bit to be heard over the buzz. 

“The fuck you talkin’ about man?” Daryl snarled, “Do you not see what’s happenin?”

The hunter tried to push past him, but Rick held fast. Moving back towards the inner ring, Rick positioned the younger man in front of him. His arms were still holding him, but looser now. One hand snaked over his chest to rest on his shoulder and the other lay flat on his stomach. Daryl was too distracted by what was happening to notice. Rick rested his chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear. 

“Just watch, you’ll see.”

Daryl grunted, only now noticing their position. He surreptitiously glanced around, but everyone was too engrossed in the fight to pay them any mind. 

“Again!” Carl’s voice rang out from the center of the circle.

Within, Tyreese was panting and facing off against none other than Eli. She had signed to him, Carl translating. The big man let out a rueful laugh and rolled his neck. Eli shot him a toothy grin and beckoned him forward. He lumbered closer, the woman signing rapidly to explain what was happening.

_ -Right now this is a frontal assault. You can see your enemy, you can defend against them.- _

Tyreese picked up speed and charged her. His arms were out, body tilted forward to barrel directly into her. Just as he got close, Eli ducked beneath him and pivoted on one foot to stand behind him. 

_ -Never cross your feet, if you lose your balance, you die.- _

Carl shouted out translations as Eli signed. With Tyreese temporarily distracted, Eli pulled back her leg and thrust it forward as hard as she could. Her foot connected with the back of his knee and the man crumpled. Very quickly, she scampered on top of him and placed her hands on either side of his head. Here she paused and patted Tyreese gently. The big man exhaled heavily and slumped. Eli rolled off him and offered her hand to pull him up. He lumbered to his feet and draped an arm over her shoulders. She gave his chest one more pat before pulling back to sign.

_ -Once you have them down, you get on their back and immediately go for the head. You either break the neck, that’s a kill hit, or you slam it into the ground until they’re unconscious. Don’t fuck around people, know what you want to do and do it.- _

She smiled at Tyreese once more and gestured for him to rejoin the circle. Carl trotted to him and handed him a water bottle. He accepted it gratefully. 

_ -Questions?- _

Voices called out at random and Daryl started when Rick whispered again.

“Close your mouth, you’re catchin’ flies.”

His teeth shut with a click and he felt the adrenaline leach out of his body. Sagging, he leaned back into Rick’s embrace, the older man squeezing lightly.

“I thought,” he started.

“I know.” Rick replied. 

Their attention was drawn once more to the center. Eli had raised her hands to signify silence. 

_ -Now, you won’t always be able to stop your opponent before they get you. I need a new volunteer for this one. You’re going to be on top of me, and I may accidentally hurt you, this move will be a bit violent.- _

She smiled and waited expectantly. The men in the group coughed and looked anywhere but at Eli. She huffed and rolled her eyes. Glaring around the circle, her eyes widened fractionally when she noticed Daryl with Rick. The hunter swallowed hard. Maybe this could be his repentance? She said he might get hurt. Pushing off of Rick, he stepped forward.

“I’ll do it.”

Cheering erupted from those gathered, excited to see their dirtiest fighter pitted against someone with as much skill as Eli clearly had. 

_ -You sure?- _

She kept her hands low, just barely moving. This was a private conversation, and Carl seemed to understand because he pointedly looked away. Daryl swallowed around the lump in his throat and nodded slightly. Eli clenched her jaw and turned to address everyone.

_ -So Daryl’s gonna tackled me, he will probably go a bit easier on me than a real attacker would. If and when you are attacked, expect disorientation. He’s gonna wrap his hands around my neck, like a real person would. It’s important to practice these moves so they become muscle memory. Do not pull your punches, aim to the side. If you pull in practice, you may pull during the real deal. Pay careful attention, it’s going to happen quickly. I’ll do it a few more times, slower, so you know what’s going on.- _

Carl shouted out instructions and everyone settled down. Daryl walked to the circle and faced Eli. She stood like she normally would, feet slightly apart, but not bracing for impact. The hunter must’ve looked concerned, because Eli signed quickly.

_ -On purpose, come on.- _

Daryl took a deep breath and charged across the area. He impacted, Eli releasing a puff of air. She was right, he didn’t throw her down that hard, but he still hated it anyways. He gently rested his hands on her throat and she rolled her eyes. Catching on, he pushed a little bit harder. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground with Eli’s foot over his throat. A noise escaped him at the sudden shift, and the crowd went wild. Everyone was cheering, completely amazed at how quickly Eli had gotten Daryl off. She reached down to pull him up.

_ -That was the full speed version. Now we’re gonna do slow-mo.- _ she winked at Carl.  _ -Obviously he can’t tackle me slowly, so we’ll take it from the ground.- _

She laid down in the middle of the circle and beckoned Daryl to get into position. He bit his lip nervously. With care, he knelt above her, knees on either side of her hips and put his hands around her throat. He left plenty of room to breathe, Eli was going slow so it wouldn’t do to suffocate her. 

_ -Watch closely.- _

Eli pulled her knee to her chest first. Angling it sideways, she got it to the outside of Daryl’s body and hooked the back of her ankle around his neck. She paused again, holding the awkward position.

_ -This happens very quickly, don’t worry about flexibility, there’s surprisingly little involved. Apply pressure with your leg, like you’re trying to bring it down and stomp. Grab onto the arm that is on the same side as the leg you’re throwing with.- _

Eli grasped Daryl’s forearm with her left hand, his elbow with her right. Applying pressure with her leg, she rolled him sideways. He fell, her calf resting on his throat and hands still on his arm. She released for a second and he held still.

_ -Break the arm. Apply pressure on the elbow and and pull down on the forearm. You can also crack it over your chest, so just be sure to hold on with your opposite hand.- _

She got back in position and pretended to break his arm. Sweeping her leg under her body, she stood fluidly. She brought her foot down hard an inch from Daryl’s neck.

_ -Stomp on the throat. This is always a kill. You break someone’s arm, you just piss them off, you need to crush the windpipe.- _

She pulled Daryl up again. They did one more runthrough, Daryl panting from the onslaught and Eli sweating. 

_ -That’s all for today guys, practice with each other. Please don’t break any limbs, save that for the bad guys.- _

The group laughed and started to break off. Eli waved goodbye to Tyreese again and Carl skipped off to find a willing partner to practice with. After a moment, only Rick and Daryl remained with the young woman. Rick had his arms crossed over his chest and a grin on his face.

“That was amazing you guys! Daryl, way to take one for the team, and damn darlin’ you sure can kick ass!”

Daryl blushed while Eli smiled wide. Eli started gushing about everyone who was watching and how excited she was that people had volunteered to help out. Rick did his best to follow along, but her hands were flying. Daryl on the other hand was wrapped up in his own thoughts, and not paying attention. Eli sighed joyfully.

_ -That was fun.- _

“Glad you enjoyed it darlin’,” Rick rested a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “I’m off to pack, see you two later.”

Rick gave Daryl a meaningful look, glancing at Eli in the process. The younger man scowled, but didn’t say anything. Eli frowned at Rick’s back wondering at his statement, and turned to Daryl. Left alone with her, Daryl suddenly felt very shy. He slipped the edge of his thumb between his teeth, pulling at the skin there. 

“Are we good?” he spoke around his thumb, not really looking right at Eli, more so at the ground.

Eli stared at him blankly. Were they good? From their earlier fall out? From duking it out as a demonstration? She had a sinking feeling she knew where he was going with this.

_ -Clarify please.- _

Daryl flicked his eyes to her face and found it expressionless. Rather than answer verbally, he gestured between their two bodies. Now Eli reacted. Her jaw slackened, lips parting slightly. That was all the warning Daryl got before she was tearing into him.

_ -You think, that because you let me kick your ass back there,-  _ she gestured behind him,  _ -that we are ‘good’? Is that really what you think?- _

He was confused, but decided that she wasn’t asking a rhetorical question. He nodded carefully.

_ -What the fuck Daryl. Literally what the fuck. You think that rather than apologizing to me, for being an ass, that you can just allow me to toss you around and all will be forgiven?- _

“Apologize to you? You’re the one who wouldn’t even look at me!” Daryl cursed himself. Why did his default defense reaction have to be anger.

_ -Don’t you fucking blame this on me. You ignored me,-  _ she pointed an accusing finger at the hunter.  _ -You’re the one that walked away. You wouldn’t even let me speak. You know I don’t get to use my mouth, so why would you ignore my hands. And another thing, if I don’t want to look at you, it doesn’t even matter. It doesn’t even compare to what you’ve done. You have the option of using your words to get my attention, I have to fucking pantomime everything, and how the fuck am I supposed to do that if you won’t even LOOK AT ME.- _

Eli’s face was bright red in anger, her mouth moving to silently scream her final words. Daryl was caught off guard by the rage she carried. This was not how he pictured this going. Before he could open his mouth to get a word in, she was ranting again.

_ -And then you think you get to walk over here and play nice, help me out, and that all will be forgiven? I am so far beyond pissed off, this is twice now that you’ve not let me speak, not listened to me speaking. What the fuck, Daryl. And you thought you could let me use you, let me hurt you, and that that would be apology enough?- _

Daryl pinched his eyes shut, trying to block out the words. Once he realized what he was doing, he popped them back open and focused on the woman in front of him. She was watching him with wet eyes, chest heaving from suppressed rage. Or at least that’s what he thought.

_ -Do you really think so low of me?- _

Eli scrubbed angrily at her eyes and stormed off, leaving Daryl behind as she headed back for the prison. The man himself stared at her retreating back in slack-jawed confusion. What the fuck just happened? He felt like he’d been mowed over by a raging tornado. Strangely enough, he didn’t feel like running, or fighting or screaming or any of the go to reactions he usually had to arguments such as these. Eli had ripped right through his defenses and torn at his very soul. And seeing her cry, that was because of him. Really he just felt like crap. Like he was the smallest person in the world. As the sun set behind him, he knelt down and whimpered.

\----------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Daryl's a bit bad at social interaction.


	32. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli's flight sets her into a panic that Beth can't pull her out of. Time to send in the big guns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Rick and Eli chapter, I hope you enjoy!

Eli stormed towards the prison, nearly ripping the door off of its hinges in her haste. Her eyes were burning with unshed tears. If she didn’t find somewhere to hide, and fast, she’d lose it in front of everyone. Dinner was in session so there were mercifully few people roaming the halls she tore down. She heard a voice call out to her, ignoring it in favor of reaching her destination. 

Concerned faces watched as she strode down the hall towards the showers. Overheated from her argument and the prior physical activity, she ripped her turtleneck over her head, walking the last few yards in just her undershirt. Once in the bathroom, she threw her clothes on the floor and her socks at the wall. A very strong voice in her head urged her to lash out, to strike something, anything to release the anger. But her mind fought back, supplying her with the memory of Daryl finding her and wrapping her knuckles so tenderly from her last bout of self abuse. A distraction! She thought desperately. 

Eli turned the knob on the showers to full blast and threw herself under the water. The icy temperature served to soothe her burning temper. She stood under the spray for a few minutes, trying to calm her pounding heart. It was sudden, like the burst of a bubble, but her anger gave way. An inexplicable sadness followed and she crumpled to the floor. The water beat down on her as she sobbed into her hands. 

How could he think that? How could he possibly believe that Eli would take out her anger on him and then they’d be ‘okay’ again? She would never,  _ never, _ hit someone she cared about. At least not in anger. What she’d been doing with Daryl had been carefully controlled and it was a demonstration for everyone else. She wasn’t using the opportunity to take advantage of the man. How could he possibly think that that was something she would do to him, knowing what she’d gone through with her own mother? 

Eli wallowed in her pain and sadness. Sitting naked on the floor of the shower, the cold didn’t even bother her. Footsteps echoed into the room and she heard someone call her name, but she was so consumed by her emotions, she barely registered them at all. 

“Eli?” a timid voice called out.

If anything, hearing her name caused the woman to curl tighter into herself. The shower curtain was pulled back a couple of inches and someone peered in. 

Beth gasped as she caught sight of her friend. Eli was distraught, obviously so. Her skin was tinged blue from the cold, her scars shining bright white in contrast. Beth stored that information away for later review. Right now she needed to help the older woman. Keeping the curtain mostly closed, Beth knelt to Eli’s level and tried talking to her.

“Eli? Are you alright?” when she didn’t respond, Beth pressed. “Do you need anything?”

The blonde reached forward to touch Eli. She jerked away, pressing her face hard into her knees. Now that she was so close, Beth could hear the other woman’s breath coming in sharp gasps. Panic bubbled up in her, but she knew she needed to keep a level head in order to help. 

“I’ll be right back, okay?” 

Still no response.

“Don’t you move, stay right here, I’ll be right back.” Beth’s voice cracked over the last word and she fled the room.

Moving quickly, she walked through the prison, her face a mask of feigned calm. People who had seen Eli’s desperate flight watched Beth carefully, taking comfort in her lack of urgency. They figured if Beth was calm, Eli was fine. They disbanded, going about their business, sure that the issue had been handled. Inside, the blonde was reeling. She needed to reach Rick, and quickly. If Eli was having a panic attack, she didn’t know what to do.

She spotted him in the dining room. Carl was sitting beside him and the pair were laughing as Judith tried spooning corn towards her hungry mouth. Rick glanced up at Beth and immediately noticed the mask. His smile became tight, but otherwise he didn’t react. She walked over to him, sat and leaned close to whisper to him.

“Something’s wrong. Eli’s in the shower and she isn’t breathing right. I don’t know what happened but she isn’t reacting.” 

Rick swallowed and gave the slightest nod. Beth spoke louder now, so those at the table could hear.

“Look at you Judy, being a big girl! Pretty soon you’ll be eatin’ us out of house and home!”

Rick caught on and responded.

“Sure will, how about you take her for a bit. I need to head to the bathroom. Girl’s been sittin’ on my bladder this whole meal. Carl, why don’t you tell her about those big steps that Judith accomplished today.”

Carl leapt at the opportunity to brag about his baby sister and Rick rose casually from the bench. He nodded in greeting to those he passed as he left the room. Walking down the hall, he kept his pace controlled and calm until he’d rounded the corner and was out of sight. As soon as he was sure no one could see him, he was off running. The sound of his boots slapping heavy on the concrete and his panting echoed off the concrete. 

He slid into the showers and heard the running water. Ripping aside the curtain, he found Eli curled up on the floor, shaking and breathing in short gasps.

“Oh darlin’,” he murmured. 

The man knelt down and wrapped his arms around Eli’s small frame. He stood her up and held her tight to his chest. Her breathing was still wrong and her teeth chattered painfully. Rick hurried to turn off the water, rubbing his palms over Eli’s skin, trying to warm her up. She may have been nude, but that was the last thing on his mind. If he didn’t pull her out of her head soon, she might pass out. 

“Alright, it’s alright darlin’. You count with me now, we’ll get your breathing right. In...one...two…three...four…”

When all she did was shake, he pulled her back to the floor. His clothes were drenched, and the cold was starting to seep into his skin as well. Rick tugged his shirt over his head with one hand, still rubbing Eli with the other. Once off, he tossed it away and pulled Eli into his lap. Her back was pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped around her torso. 

“Come on, I need you to breathe now darlin’. In...one...two...three...four, out...one...two...three...four. Come on baby, breathe with me.”

Rick pressed his palms flat on her chest and stomach, trying to urge her to match his breathing. He inhaled and exhaled, moving his own body in exaggeration, trying to stimulate hers. She was sitting completely rigid, the shivering lessening, but her breathing not improving. 

When she finally started to relax, Eli felt foreign arms around her and very nearly started to panic again. 

“Shh, sh, it’s alright darlin’. It’s just me. Focus on your breathin’, don’t worry about me.” He spoke lowly, softly.

Eli did her best to follow his instructions. Her mind struggled to fill in the blanks. Why was Rick in here? She remembered a face, Beth’s face. She must have gone to get Rick. Eli almost felt ashamed for her panic attack, but Hershel had said it was normal, that it was fine. Rick’s body radiated warmth, seeping into her back. His hands were like to mini heaters, pressing to her front. She was naked, but couldn’t find it in herself to be ashamed. He’d already seen her worst parts, what did she care about the rest. It took several more minutes, and Rick humming a nonsense tune for her to calm down completely. 

Rick relaxed when he felt the tension finally leave Eli’s body. Her head fell backwards to rest against his shoulder and she drew in a deep breath. The man released a sigh and slid his arms to wrap around her body in a hug. Pressing kisses to her crown, he murmured his thanks and relief.

“Was so worried darlin’, god I’m glad you’re alright. Thank you for comin’ back to me. So worried.” 

Each sentence was punctuated with a kiss, his arms holding her tightly to his chest. She leaned into him, accepting the comfort. The two were still wrapped in each other when Eli let out a deep shudder. Rick made an inquisitive sound in his throat and Eli answered.

_ -Cold.- _

Rick looked around in dismay. His clothes were drenched, Eli’s not much better by that point. Before he could voice the situation, there was a knock from the doorway. Both turned to look, Eli craning her neck to peer around Rick’s bicep. Beth stood in the doorway, a set of clothes in her arms. 

“I brought you some clothes,” she spoke gently, “They’re yours, I grabbed them from the nest after I sent Rick in. Daryl’s still outside, but in case he comes in, I thought you might want to avoid him for a bit. I saw you two arguing earlier.”

She left the end of her sentence open, but Eli simply nodded in thanks. Beth’s eyes flicked over her exposed body briefly and Eli tensed again. Rick instinctively pulled her closer to him. Beth chose to diffuse the situation.

“Better get dressed then, your skin’s all blue still.” Her eyes met Eli’s.

The older woman nodded. Beth lingered for a moment longer, and Eli started to move her hands to speak. The blonde interrupted.

“It’s alright, you tell me when you’re ready. Just like I did with you.”

With that she left the room, waving goodbye over her shoulder. Once she’d disappeared, Rick stood, pulling Eli up with him. She headed over to the clothes, donning them quickly. Rick watched with anxious eyes, not wanting to let the woman out of his sight. Clothes firmly in place, she bent to grab her wet ones from the floor. Her companion stopped her just before she did.

“I’ll get ‘em. I’m still all wet anyways, you’re nice and dry now.” He was worried she would start shivering again if she carried them. 

Eli suspected his motive, but accepted all the same. She waited for him to scoop up her clothes and his shirt before the pair headed out. Somewhere along the way, his hand found hers. Rick told himself not to keep sneaking glances at her, that she was okay now. Holding her hand was helping him resist temptation. 

The pair headed up to Rick’s cell so he could change.

“After, we’re going down to have dinner. I only just started mine and you can’t skip it after all the exercise you did today.”

At the mention of her training, Eli’s face darkened. However, she was quickly distracted by Rick shedding his pants and socks, as well as underwear, in favor of something dry and warm. Heat crept into her cheeks and her breath hitched slightly. He was facing away from her thankfully and it was getting too dark to see her blush. He heard her though. Dragging his shirt over his head, Rick spun around to check on Eli. He couldn’t have her having another panic attack so close to the last. Reaching out, he placed his hands on her face and peered into her eyes.

“You okay?” 

She nodded shortly, face burning hotter at having been caught. The heat under his hands tipped Rick off and a slow smile spread across his face. Honestly, it hadn’t even occurred to him that he should have kicked Eli out to change. Everyone in the camp had seen everyone else naked at some point. Not to mention Eli had been sitting naked in his arms not ten minutes prior. He decided to tease her, pull her a little further out of her funk. Rick released her and did a little shimmy.

“Like what you see darlin’?”

Eli snorted and whacked his chest lightly.

_ -Not bad, for an old man.- _

“Why you little-” Rick started.

Eli ran off, full speed down the hall with Rick chasing after her. His laughter echoed off the walls, mingling with her own little huffs of joy. Rick was relieved she was back to her old self. Setting his mind back to the chase, he worked on herding the woman towards the dining room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my slow build tag is for real, it's gonna be a long ride to a relationship, but I think it's gonna be worth it! These three people are damaged from their pasts and it's going to take some getting used to for them to work out what's going on in their hearts. 
> 
> Comment if you'd like! I have other relationship tags I'm going to be adding as I build them, but if there's a couple you'd like to see, let me know!


	33. Beth vs. Bull(headedness)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth marches out to figure out what the hell happened to make her new friend so upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's little but I hope you like it all the same! I want Beth and Eli to be really close friends, that's why I've got Beth poking around

As soon as she could, Beth extracted herself from Carl to make her escape. She loved spending time with him and Judith, really she did, but she could barely sit still. Eli had been nearly catatonic when the blonde had found her and she just knew it had to do with Daryl. Beth had noticed the pair still in the yard after the demonstration had finished and decided to ‘eavesdrop.’ She may not have been able to hear what the hunter was saying, but if Eli’s face and violent signing was anything to go by, it wasn’t good. 

Beth absentmindedly filled up a plate for the man and thought more on what she’d seen. Eli had been vibrant, still buzzed from all the movement. She hadn’t seemed particularly bothered by anything, until Daryl had gestured between the two of them. It was awful. Watching the light inside Eli be extinguished by something so simple. Beth had watched, feeling guilty for spying, but too concerned to turn away. Her friend had gone through a cycle of emotions, shock, disbelief, anger, rage, and finally, the worst of all, despair. And she’d cried! The woman who had walked around for days on feet that were in ribbons like it was nothing!

Beth sighed to herself and carried the plate to the yard. The light was low, but she could see Daryl’s slumped figure, right where Eli had left him. Trudging over to him, she plopped down and shoved the plate of food towards him. He pushed it away.

“Come on,” Beth said sternly. “You need to eat, I heard you’re going on a run in the morning.”

She tried again to hand off the plate. Daryl tensed his shoulders and pushed it back towards her again.

“‘M not hungry.”

“Don’t give me that, you just burned off more calories than I’ve ever seen, at least without running from walkers. You must be hungry.”

Daryl shook his head. Beth rolled her eyes and got comfortable. If he had no plans to eat, she had no plans to leave. It took him a minute, but Daryl realized as much and let out a heavy sigh. Beth held the plate out once more and he took it roughly. He shoveled the meal in, absolutely no class at all. Beth screwed up her face. 

“I’m not gonna take it from you, you could take time to chew.”

Daryl turned to face her. Very slowly, expression completely empty, he chewed like a cow, slack jawed and open mouthed. Beth batted at him, a giggle bubbling in her throat. 

“Stop that, you have some explaining to do.”

Daryl raised a brow and closed his mouth. He and Beth had never been close. She was just a kid to him and their paths didn’t cross very often. Why the hell did she think he owed her some kind of explanation?

“Don’t you look at me like that! Eli is my friend, my best friend, and I don’t know what you did, but you did something. She came inside with tears in her eyes and I found her completely unresponsive in the showers. Her skin was turning blue!”

The hunter’s eyes widened in alarm and he scrambled to his feet. Beth caught him just before he could run off. Wrapping her small hands around his bicep, she tugged hard. Off balance, he slammed back down onto his butt. His first reaction was to push her off, but he took a calming breath.

“Let go of me, Beth.”

“No, I already sent Rick in to take care of her. She doesn’t need you right now.”

Her words struck Daryl like a knife. It seemed like Rick was always there for Eli when he fucked up. God, he couldn’t do anything right. 

Beth seemed to realize how poorly she’d phrased that and rushed to make amends. 

“No, I mean. Daryl, Rick’s got it right now. I didn’t know who to go to, she wasn’t answering me and she was having a panic attack. I don’t know how to handle those but Daddy said Rick helped Eli that one time, so I went to him. I’m sure she still needs you, at the very least she needs you to fix this mess. Now, she’ll never talk bad about you, so you better spill. I wanna know what you said to get her like that.”

Daryl’s eyes widened fractionally. Beth felt his muscles shift, still holding his arm as she was. It took him a minute, but Daryl finally spoke.

“She didn’t,” he chewed his lip, “she didn’t tell you about what happened this mornin’?”

Beth shook her head and leaned into the man.

“No, she’s pretty private when it comes to other people’s business. I tried to ask when she wouldn’t look at you, but she changed the subject.” The blonde took a deep breath, “So, if I’m gonna help Eli, I need you to tell me what happened.”

Daryl put his face in his hands. He really didn’t deserve someone like Eli in his life. She had every right to tell everyone what an asshole he had been, yet she chose not to. Mind you, he may not have realized what he’d done wrong originally, but Eli had made things pretty clear. Even while she was pissed, she still protected him, didn’t speak poorly about him once. 

“It’s stupid,” he muttered at last. “Really stupid.”

“Daryl Dixon, don’t you tell me it’s stupid! Obviously it’s important for her to be the way she is. You didn’t see her, it was terrifying. You tell me the whole story, right now.”

“I don’t know!” he shouted, pulling his hands from his face. “I have no idea what the fuck happened, Beth. One minute everything’s great, the next minute I fucked up and ran away. I don’t know!”

Beth nearly let go of him, but held fast. The man was clearly upset, but she was sure he wouldn’t hurt her, and he seemed like he needed someone to be there for him. 

“Well tell me what happened.”

“Judith walked this mornin’, Eli kissed me, tried to tell me somethin’, I ignored her and ran away. I came back, Eli wouldn’t look at me. I volunteer to help with the self defense, take a hell of a beating. Ask her if we’re good, she explodes. Starts sayin’ how I haven’t apologized and ‘how dare I’ and shit,” Daryl signs along with his words without realizing. “Asks me what kind of person I think she is, like that makes any sense at all! Then she fuckin’ runs off cryin’. Fuck Beth, I made her cry.”

Just like that, all the fight flew out of him. He slumped down, dejected. The blonde rode it out, gripping his arm tight. When he calmed down some more, she leaned against his side. He stiffened at the contact, but didn’t pull away. She knew what Eli meant, about what kind of person Daryl thought she was. But it felt like something the hunter needed to figure out for himself. She shifted direction, trying to pull him out of his guilt.

“Did you like it?”

He looked at her like she was insane,

“No I didn’t fuckin’ like being yelled at.”

“No, dummy. Did you like the kiss?”

Daryl’s ears burned red. He didn’t give a verbal answer, but Beth took his silence as an affirmative.

“So why’d you run?”

“Dunno. She didn’t mean nothin’ by it. Rick-”

Beth cut him off,

“Rick has got nothing to do with this, with how Eli feels about you. Did you ask her what she meant?”

“No, but-”

“But nothing! Daryl, Eli might not be able to speak, but she says an awful lot. You just need to learn how to listen.”

She squeezed him and spoke softly.

“You have a chance here. A chance to be happy, to have a family. Don’t miss out because you’re scared.”

She stood then, brushing off her pants and turning away. She’d said her piece. Hopefully Daryl would work out the rest for himself. As she started to walk away, Daryl called out.

“Beth?”

The woman turned, facing his silhouette. He didn’t speak again, but his shadow said enough.

“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still sick, it's like the flu from hell. 
> 
> Next week I will give you the run! Possibly two chapters, there's a few things I want to get out along the way


	34. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli wakes up and finds herself alone. A moment of bonding between herself and Carl pulls them closer together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Sunday!! I've been very busy this week! Sorry for the almost lateness of this chapter. I'm gonna post a second as an added bonus
> 
> Also this chapter is SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE (I have a nine year old, and four little siblings, I know all the fun movies)

Dawn found Eli later than usual. The orange sky reaching its fingers through the cell bars to caress her tired eyes. It took several sleepy minutes for the woman to rouse herself from her slumber, curling tighter into her blankets. Reaching out, she felt around for the warm body she’d grown accustomed to. When her hand was met with the cold, she woke completely.

Eli had gone to bed with Rick last night, at his insistence. If she wasn’t going to sleep in the nest, then she should be with him, the man had reasoned. Eli had rolled his eyes at him and asked why she couldn’t just stay with Beth. Yes she was used to sleeping with someone else, but her new friend was just as good as anyone else. It was Rick’s face that made her agree to share his bed. He’d bit his lip in worry but didn’t try to argue. She knew he was doing his best not to baby her, trying to do as she’d asked in that regard. Eli still felt guilty about stressing him out and had agreed to stay the night. But now he was nowhere to be seen.

She pulled herself up and looked wildly about the room. Carl sat in the corner, eyes focused on changing Judith. When he heard her sit up, he’d looked up and smiled.

“Good morning Eli.”

Eli calmed down a bit, if Carl was here, then nothing bad was happening. Rick wouldn’t have left his children behind in an emergency. He certainly would have woken her up.

_ -Good morning Carl, Judith. Where’s Rick?- _

Judith gurgled and kicked her tiny legs. Carl frowned at her and struggled to hold her still. With the patience of a saint, he managed to keep her steady and fasten her diaper one handed. Once that was done, he looked up again to answer Eli.

“He’s outside I think.” Carl picked up Judith and moved to sit across from Eli. “He was up earlier. Hershel asked him and Daryl to go on a run, we’re getting low on some stuff and they wanna grab you some winter gear. Dad should be loading up the van now.”

Eli nodded and made grabbing motions to Judith. The baby cooed at her and signed something she didn’t quite catch. She raised an eyebrow at Carl.

_ -What’s she saying?- _

The boy blushed and rose to give Eli his sister. Safely in her arms, Carl chose to sit beside the woman, too embarrassed to face her. 

“I-I’ve been teaching her a couple things. Milk,” he signed as he spoke, “eat, change. For her diaper, so she can let us know when it’s time.”

Eli nodded,  _ -What else?- _

Carl swallowed, face burning bright red now. 

“Well, Carl,” he signed C for himself, “Daddy Rick, Daddy Daryl.”

Eli blinked at that. It hadn’t occurred to her that Carl might see Daryl as a father figure as well. A slow smile crept over her mouth and she bumped the boy with her shoulder.

_ -Wait until I tell him! I was just saying the other day he is as much Judith’s daddy as Rick.- _

Carl grinned, her easy and enthusiastic agreement to his ideas allowing him to continue.

“And I taught her Mama Eli.”

Immediately, Eli froze, the smile slipping from her lips. She stared at Carl, mouth agape at what he said. Judith bounced in her lap, signing mama and E repeatedly. She reached out and curled a fist around Eli’s long hair, calming slightly, but still signing, slower now. Carl was worried at her reaction and rushed to explain.

“I just thought, well. Mom’s gone, and Judith’s never even met her. That doesn’t mean she won’t know about her, I’ll tell her stories when she’s older and Dad will too. But right now, she has you. And she really likes you, I really like you too. And it’s just, well, she, I think she sees you as a mama, at least a little. She lights up when you’re around and she loves when you play with her. She’s got two dads but, I really think she’s got a mom too.”

Carl finished his rambling and held his breath. Eli was still staring at him. He bit his thumb nail nervously.

“Are, are you mad?”

Eli jumped, as if shocked that he’d spoken again. Very carefully, she moved Judith from her lap to lean against the wall between Carl and herself. The baby protested, but settled comfortably into the mattress. Faster than Carl could blink, the woman had launched herself at him, squeezing him tight. He laughed, startled and hugged her back.

“She loves you Eli.”

Eli held him tighter and pressed her lips to his ear. She moved them, speaking silently to him as tears dripped down her cheeks and onto his neck. Carl just held on for the ride, sniffling slightly at the show of emotion from Eli. Little hands and a tiny face pressed against their joined bodies and the two pulled away, chuckling.

_ -Judith! Did you want a hug too?- _

Eli teased the baby. The little girl peered up at her with wide eyes and cooed softly.

_ -Mama E- _

Carl let out a hearty laugh when Eli’s eyes filled with tears again. She batted at him.

_ -Oh you two will be the death of me. Wait until your daddy hears about this!- _

“You’d better go now if you want to catch him. He and Daryl will be heading out soon.”

_ -Sweet boy- _

She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his brow, turning to repeat the gesture on Judith. Waving a quick goodbye, she yanked on sweater and sped out of the room. 

“We like her, don’t we Judy,” Carl tickled his sister’s tummy. 

The baby squirmed, signing ‘C’ up at him in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support through kudos and comments, it really makes this all worthwhile! 
> 
> I may be able to give you guys three or four chapters by next Sunday, not including these two today!
> 
> P.S. Thank god I read through this chapter before posting, I had so many spelling errors and grammar issues.


	35. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli takes one step forward, Daryl takes one step back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Beta still, be sweet to me if I made a spelling mistake or anything little like that.

“Ready?” Rick asked.

Daryl grunted in answer. He and Rick had just finished loading up the minivan, the latter doing one last check before they headed out. As often as Daryl was up with sun, he was not a morning person. Even Rick was feeling exhausted and it showed as he scrubbed a hand over his face. What he’d give for a coffee… 

“Should we add coffee to the list?” he joked, voice just a tad hopeful.

Daryl rubbed his eyes and shoved his long bangs back.

“Yeah, could use some right about now.”

He walked around to the back of the van and stood beside Rick. A very small and very tired part of him wanted to lean against the older man and just take sleepy comfort in his presence. Unfortunately, the bigger part of him said not to. Rick must’ve gathered what it was he wanted since he closed the space between them. With little fanfare, the hunter found his arms full of a limp Rick. The man had thrown his arms around his shoulders and gone boneless. Daryl grunted and wrapped his own arms around his friend’s waist to bear the weight. The action startled a puff of laughter from his lips. 

“Get off me man, can barely hold myself up, let alone your fat ass.”

Rick grinned into Daryl’s collarbone. Sobering himself, he lifted his face to pout. 

“Aw, big guy like you should be able to carry me, no problem.”

The hunter rolled his eyes and dug fingers in Rick’s sides. Caught off guard, he yelped and let go, barely saving himself from falling. Daryl’s eye took on a fiendish glint.

“Ticklish are ya?”

“Don’t you dare!”

Before either of them could make a move, a whistle pulled their attention to the prison. Daryl took a subconscious step back from Rick, which the older man frowned at. He chose not to comment on it in favor of greeting their visitor.

“Mornin’ darlin’, you sleep well?”

Eli trotted down to meet the pair, waving a little in greeting. Rick missed the flash of jealousy and hurt that marred Daryl’s features, but Eli didn’t. She stored that information away.

_ -Good morning Rick, Daryl.- _

Daryl bit his lip and nodded back at her. Seeing her before he left was a bit hard. Beth’s words echoed around in his mind, he should say something to her. Eli was even watching him, eyes focused on him alone, daring, or maybe begging him to speak. When he said nothing, she released a tiny sigh and turned back to Rick.

_ -You didn’t tell me you guys were going on a run.- _

Rick scratched at his stubble, sheepish.

“Sorry darlin’, I forgot in all the commotion.”

This time he didn’t miss Daryl’s expression. His face had darkened at the mention of Eli’s episode. The woman herself didn’t bat an eye, choosing to move the conversation forward.

_ -I’m fine now. You didn’t even wake me up before you left! If Carl hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have seen either of you two before you were gone.- _

Daryl felt a tendril of relief and hope curl in his stomach at her words. It was obvious that Eli wasn’t going to give him an out, but she also wasn’t going to treat him poorly for his behavior. The young woman’s face lit up as she remembered something.

_ -Oh! Did Carl tell you? He’s been teaching Judith signs- _

Rick and Daryl both shook their heads. Eli grinned at them.

_ -She knows milk, and change. And she knows Daddy Rick.- _

Rick beamed, his heart swelling at the thought that his baby could say his name, one way or another. But it seemed Eli wasn’t done yet.

_ -He taught her Daddy Daryl too.- _

Daryl nearly choked on his own spit. His face must have reflected his disbelief, because Eli was quick to assure him.

_ -Carl says that she sees you as a daddy too. I’m pretty sure that means he feels that way about you as well.- _

The hunter slid his gaze to Rick’s face, trying to gauge his reaction. He was still grinning, this time looking proud. He reached over to clap a hand on Daryl’s shoulder.

“Course they do, Daryl’s been there for them every step of the way. Hell, he’s more of the daddy than me. Puttin’ food on the table, scoldin’ them.”

Daryl blushed, “Stop it, I ain’t doin’ anything special. ‘Sides, if I’m the daddy, that makes you the mama.”

Eli huffed out a laugh. Daryl felt the tendril of hope grow some more. Rick squeezed his shoulder and shot him a meaningful look. Now seemed like the best time to patch things up. Oh god, unease pooled in Daryl’s gut. This was it, now or never. Just as he was about to clear his throat to speak, Eli was signing again.

_ -You can’t be the mama. Because- _

She paused here and looked up at the men through her lashes.

_ -Carl taught her another sign. Mama Eli.- _

Both men stared at her open mouthed. She toed the ground self consciously, not daring to say anything else. 

Daryl’s mind was racing. Carl had only lost his mom a little over a year ago. For him to be accepting Eli as he was, well that was a big deal. The boy had really opened up since she’d arrived at the camp. To be honest, the hunter had been worried about him. He hadn’t been speaking much, and other than Judith, he didn’t spend time with anyone. But Eli had somehow pulled him out his shell. He opened his mouth to commend the woman, but before he could get the words out, time froze.

Right in front of him, Rick was bent at the waist and cupping Eli’s face in his hands. Both had their eyes closed and Rick was, Rick was. Fuck, he was kissing Eli. Daryl’s train of thought derailed and slammed into the side of a mountain. All he could do was stand there and stare. 

For Rick’s part, he hadn’t intended to kiss Eli. But now that he was, he wondered why he hadn’t done it sooner. Her lips were warm and soft and he pressed firmly against them. Their height difference was glaringly obvious, Rick bending as far down as he was, and her slightly on her toes. At first, Eli didn’t respond and he worried he’d done something wrong. Her steady breath against his lips was the only indication that she wasn’t panicking. Taking a chance, Rick slipped the tips of his fingers into the hair at her temples and tilted her head slightly. His mouth moved slowly, gentle, trying to coax an answer from her. Eli seemed to wake up at last. Ever so slightly, she pressed her mouth back against his. He nipped at her lower lip, asking for entrance. Gently, Eli pecked him back, but pulled away. Not yet then, Rick noted to himself. He breathed in her scent, eyes still closed, forehead pressed to hers. The sound of a car door shutting startled them apart. Rick searched Eli’s eyes. She was looking at him critically, her gaze calculating.

_ -You should go.- _

“Eli-”

She shook her head. 

_ -This is something we need to discuss. I’m not mad,- _

The tiniest trace of smile twitched in the corners of her mouth. Rick released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and smiled back. The tiniest bit of trepidation remained in his mind, if she didn’t mind his kiss, then why did she...

_ -You need to talk to him. If we’re gonna do this, this is all or nothing Rick, I won’t choose.- _

Relief flooded Rick. He’d wondered, but never dared to voice his own thoughts on the matter. At least they were on the same page. If Eli wanted him to catch Daryl up with them, he would. 

“I won’t choose either.”

Eli graced him with a smile and stood to press a kiss to cheek. 

_ -Be safe.- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAM, wasn't kidding about a slow build. It's still building believe me. 
> 
> Did it make sense? Did my poking around the issue at hand make sense at all? I know what's going down, and if you read my relationship tags you should know what's going down, but is it too vague? Hopefully not! 
> 
> Next few chapters are gonna be on the long side, I hope you liked these two kind of short ones!


	36. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick tries to deal with a grumpy Daryl

Daryl had seen enough. Once he’d gotten over the initial shock of Rick kissing Eli, he’d done the only thing he could think to do. He fled. 

If he hadn’t already agreed to do this run, he probably would have headed out to hunt. As it was, he was trapped. A myriad of emotion swirled in his gut and threatened to make him sick. Jealousy, pain, betrayal. The last one making no sense at all to him. They didn’t owe him anything, nobody had said anything about anything. Just because his emotions ran off, just because he misread the signs didn’t mean he had a right to feel betrayed. There were a few other emotions mixed in, but he was too upset to identify them. 

Daryl watched Eli and Rick in the mirror, trying not to, but unable to look away. They’d stopped kissing, but now Eli was signing something. He couldn’t see what it was, Rick’s body blocking his view. Rick answered and then, oh, she’d kissed him. And wasn’t that like a punch to the gut. Sure, she’d kissed him the exact same way, but she hadn’t meant anything with him. Right? His brain was a mess and he bit viciously at his thumb. The skin tore and bled, but he didn’t care. Rick was walking towards the front of the van now. The hunter did his best to appear unfazed. 

The ex-cop slid into the driver’s seat, gripping the wheel tight. Daryl looked pointedly out the window. Rick sent a sidelong glance towards him, but didn’t speak. A few moments of silence later and he sighed, starting the van up. The two drove to the first gate. Daryl watched Eli open it, her eyes scanning for danger. She raised an arm in goodbye, pressing her closed fist to her heart when she was done. Eli’s expression was blank, but her eyes conveyed something Daryl didn’t understand. Whatever it was, it probably wasn’t for him. 

The sun peaked farther over the horizon and Daryl tried to lose himself in it’s beauty. Beside him, Rick sighed again and reached to turn on the heat. Anger reared it’s head in Daryl over the action. He knew Rick wasn’t cold. The man always ran hot, sweating even in the coldest temperatures. Sure, Daryl was shivering, he even had goosebumps, but he wasn’t entirely sure it was from the cold. Defiantly, he reached out and flicked it off. Rick sighed a third time, aggravating the hunter further.

“I know you’re cold Daryl, I can hear your teeth chatter from here.”

The hunter grunted. Rick reached out again to tap the knob, Daryl flicked it off. Really, at this point it was just him being petty, they both knew it. The older man grit his teeth in frustration but held his tongue. 

“You ain’t know nothin’.”

Rick rolled his eyes, keeping his temper only just. He wasn’t stupid, he knew this wasn’t about the heat. 

“We gonna talk about this, or are you just gonna pout? I need you focused. Out here we’re a team. I take care of you, you take care of me. So we can talk about it, or you can let me put on the heat for you.”

Daryl felt the tiniest sliver of guilt at his words. No matter his feelings about what had just happened, they needed to come second right now. Rick’s safety and his own came first and he knew that, he was just being petty. He didn’t want to talk about it though, certainly not yet. Without a word, he reached out to flick the thermostat. 

Rick resisted the urge to roll his eyes. If this was any indication, it was gonna be a long run. The silence stretched heavy between them. In an effort to make peace, Rick decided to drop the subject for now. Gripping the wheel just a bit tighter, he kept his eyes forward and spoke.

“Where’re we headed first?”

Daryl grunted a little and bent to rummage through the pack at his feet. A moment later, he’d extracted the lists that Hershel and Carol had prepared and a map. They needed food, obviously, but with winter coming, their list was a little more extensive.

“Need blankets, some clothes, coats and boots. Food, normal stuff.”

Rick frowned a little. Food they could scrounge for, but it had been summer when the dead started walking. Finding stores with winter clothes would be an issue. They could risk raiding a Walmart, but there was no telling what would be left. The group expected them to be gone a week or so at most. If they tried to get all of their supplies by looting houses, it might take longer. Rick voiced his concerns aloud. 

“I’m not sure where we’ll find clothes, most of the houses around here we already cleared.” He chanced a look at Daryl. 

The hunter was bent double, thumb lodged firmly between his teeth. Daryl squinted hard at the map resting on his thighs. Neighborhoods they had already been to were exed out, places overrun by walkers marked by W’s. Hell, from the looks of things, there wasn’t much left. Sighing in frustration, Daryl threw down the map and leaned back.. His arms were crossed firmly over his chest, the lines of his shirt pulled tight over his muscles. Rick let his eyes wander over his form. Daryl’s legs were splayed wide, boots pressed as far as they could go under the dashboard. His face was screwed up in a scowl and half hidden by his long hair. One lip was caught between his teeth, being pulled and bitten in frustration. Without thinking, Rick reached out and pressed a thumb there.

“Told you before, quit eatin’ yourself. Plenty others out there that would much rather have a bite.”

When Rick realized he’d just touched Daryl without permission, he instantly pulled away. A blush bloomed over his face. Not only was Daryl already pissed at him, but the intimacy of the action might just set the hunter off. Rick sucked in his breath and waited. 

Confusion drowned out any lingering anger in Daryl. What the fuck was going on?  Sure, he’d gotten used to being touched, especially by Rick and Eli. Fuck, he’d slept curled up with both of them. But wasn’t Rick with Eli? That meant that this, all of this, didn’t mean anything. 

All of the fleeting glances, the comforting hands, teasing smiles; they weren’t anything special. Daryl felt his chest tighten with loss. It would be better, he thought, to push Rick away. To not let him get close. To touch him. Like ripping off a bandaid. But the part of him that he considered selfish craved the contact. Maybe if he ignored it, pretended it didn’t matter to him either, Rick wouldn’t stop. Taking a breath, he spoke as if the whole thing hadn’t just happened.

“Was thinkin’ we could head towards my neck of the woods. Trailer parks, cabins. Folks didn’t have much, but what they had lasted. Food would be canned, clothes mended but maybe still good. Prob’ly got some guns and ammo, you know how rednecks are.”

Daryl tried for a light tone, but he was worried it might have got lost in the roughness of his voice. He peeked at his companion. Rick’s whole face was lit up, a grin plastered on. Daryl felt the tension in his chest increase. He just looked so damn proud, like Daryl had told him the secret of the universe. Rubbing at his sternum, he forced himself to keep talking.

“Thrift stores too. They take all clothes, don’t get rid of none if the season ain’t right. Blankets and stuff. Maybe some toys for Judy.”

If anything, Rick’s smile grew larger. He nearly reached out again, but held back. It didn’t seem like Daryl was angry, but maybe it would be better to let sleeping dogs lie. He ran itching fingers through his curly hair. 

“You,” he stuttered, “I’m glad you’re here. Really, I’d never have thought of that.”

The tips of Daryl’s ears burned. He nodded at Rick, but turned to look out the window. 

“Keep goin’ straight for now. It’ll be a while before we get anywhere near where we’re headed.”

The two fell into a companionable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst gives me anxiety so I'm going for a minimum of that! Much later in the story more of it may pop up, but for real, I tend to avoid it. 
> 
> Lemme know what you think! I've got two more for you and I may be posting today rather than tomorrow. I've been super sick lately and something weird's going on with my arm (it isn't working) so I'm a bit of a mess. 
> 
> I love that you keep reading and being so nice!! Thanks guys!


	37. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli explains how she's feeling about the men in her life to Beth. Beth brings up some things that might cause complications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday!! 
> 
> I've got two for you today, here's the first one

Eli watched the van pull out of sight, standing still at the gates long after it had gone. The reality of what had just happened sunk in slow. Reaching up, she touched her lips. A slow smile slid over them. Rick had kissed her, really kissed her. Eli’s face tingled from where his beard had rubbed against her. It felt like a dream. He’d been warm, so incredibly warm against her cold body. It was like holding the sun, nearly perfect. Her smile faded.

Daryl. The look in his eyes as they had driven away nearly broke her. She’d tried to tell him with her eyes, to swear she’d wait for him. Eli wasn’t willing to choose, if Daryl didn’t want her  _ and _ Rick, she’d have neither. Rick’s lips against hers made her feel amazing, but not complete. The absence of their hunter left a gaping hole in her euphoria. And yes, he was theirs, so long as he would have them. 

But still... She just had to tell Beth! Wouldn’t she be surprised? Eli headed back into the prison, waving to those who were awake already. She may not have realized it, but her cheerful mood put everyone at ease. The gloom that seemed to follow her around had been worrying to say the least. Their relief went unnoticed by Eli who skipped her way towards Beth’s cell, slowing to pad silently through the door. 

Beth’s white blonde hair was spread across her pillow like a halo. Eli took a moment to admire her, curled beneath her blankets, cheeks pink. She really was beautiful. Not just in appearance, but her kindness was something to admire. Tucking those thoughts away, Eli pounced. She threw herself on top of Beth, tickling the woman and bouncing. The blonde’s eyes popped open and she groaned.

“Eli,” her voice was rough from sleep, “It’s so early…”

The older woman grinned down at her.

_ -Up! Get up!- _

Beth groaned and tunneled deeper under her covers. Eli huffed. If Beth wouldn’t come out, she’d just have to go in. Bouncing around, she managed to pry the corner of a blanket from the blonde’s fingers. She fought valiantly, but Eli was surprisingly strong and wriggled in beside her. The gentle wheezing laughter of her friend brought a smile to Beth’s lips. She turned around to face the older woman.

“You’re a menace, you know that right?” 

Warm breath puffed over her face and fingers wiggled over her cheeks. Eli reached above them and made a tunnel in their blanket fort. The faint light of day filtered in enough for Beth to watch her hands move.

_ -Guess what?- _

Beth snorted.

“The way you’re carrying on, I’ll never guess it. You ruined my sleep, spill!”

Eli grinned, her expression mischievous.

_ -I shouldn’t. It’s not polite to kiss and tell.- _

It took her a minute, but Beth’s brain eventually processed what Eli had signed. With a gasp and squeal, the blonde threw back the covers and grabbed at Eli. Her eyes were wide as she studied the older woman. Eli’s face was open and she was clearly ecstatic. 

“Oh my gosh! Who was it? Was it Daryl? I told him he needed to pull his head out of his ass and apologize. Oh never mind that, was it amazing?”

Eli’s smile faltered just slightly. She strengthened her resolve though, she was happy and she deserved to be. A tiny cloud wouldn’t ruin her parade.

_ -No, he’s still being an idiot. And yes, it was- _ Eli’s hands faltered,  _ -it was incredible.- _

Beth tapped her chin. Maybe she hadn’t gotten through to the hunter like she thought she had. Time would tell. A sneaky grin spread across her cheeks. If it wasn’t Daryl, then it had to be...

“Incredible was it? So I guess you like your men with salt and pepper in their beards then, huh?” 

Eli’s face burned bright, but Beth pushed onward. Her gaze was predatory and her words teasing.

“Probably rubbed against you too. Don't deny it! I can tell 'cause your cheeks are pink. I bet you were imagining how Rick’s beard would feel between your-”

Eli slapped both hands over the blonde’s mouth, mortified. Beth’s muffled laughter adding to her embarrassment and she shook her head in denial. Done with her teasing, Beth gave Eli’s hand a firm lick to make her let go. The older woman flopped down on the bed and rested her head on Beth’s lap. Her arm’s floated above her chest as she signed.

_ -Imp. Yes, it was wonderful. He cupped my face and oh my god is he hot.- _

Beth snickered and Eli shushed her.

_ -I mean temperature. Man’s like a dragon, puts off a lot of heat. I don’t have anything to compare it to, but I’m pretty sure it was the most Notebook moment I’ve ever had.- _

“Wait, that was your first kiss?” her voice was incredulous. “Eli, you can’t be serious!”

The older woman huffed and swatted at her.

_ -There are not many opportunities for a person like me to, well, to get close with anyone.- _

Her face burned and understanding dawned on Beth. She figured now was as good a time as any to broach the subject.

“Is it,” she gulped, “is it because of your scars?”

Eli regarded her, eyes dark and mouth set in a grim line.

_ -Some of it. There aren’t a lot of people that can stomach them. Perhaps there are more now, with the horror we see around us. But before, no.- _

Her hands fell still and she sat up. Beth reached to pull the comforter around their shoulders and snuggled up to Eli. The dark haired woman snorted and shook her head.

_ -So sweet. To be fair, I didn’t give people a chance back then either. It’s less my body and more my head I guess. It was difficult to let people in.- _

“It doesn’t seem to be a problem now though, does it? I mean, I’ve seen you with Rick, and Daryl too. Carol said you slept in the same bed as Rick on your second night here. For someone who’s never been kissed, that seems like a big step.”

Eli thought that over. The reason came to her, simple and honest. A soft blush slid over her cheeks.

_ -They’re special. I found Rick very scary at first. You forget, I came to you in the middle of a battle. Rick was like a machine, single minded and vicious in his attack. I called him the ‘Iceman’ in my head.- _

Beth snorted and Eli grinned at her.

_ -I know, he’s the biggest softie in the world. But, when I found out there were kids here, that he was defending his babies, my outlook changed. A man who would fight tooth and nail for his family is something amazing. So I took natural comfort in him when I was panicking. It helped too that Carl and Judith slept with us.- _

“And Daryl?” 

There was a note of concern in Beth’s voice. She had told him to go for it, to take what he wanted. If she was wrong… well it was a scary possibility. Daryl didn’t need anymore disappointment in his life. Eli had a faint smile playing at her lips.

_ -That man. He both infuriates me and thrills me. Daryl and I are two of a kind. Both of us had similar home lives, both of us are more wild than civilized.- _

Eli’s grin turned feral and Beth laughed. 

“Oh believe me, I know all about how wild you are. Jumpin’ on me like a jackrabbit at the crack of dawn.”

_ -The point is, I’ve never felt more comfortable with anyone. Daryl is, I don’t really know how to say it. When I’m with him, I don’t feel so lonely. Like, I love being with you guys, really I do. And Beth, you’re my best friend.- _

She reached out to lay a hand over the blonde’s. She did her best to convey how much Beth meant to her without words. The younger woman nodded for her to go on.

_ -But, I can be in a room full of people, even you and Carol and everyone else, and still feel alone. And when it’s just us, just me and Daryl, it’s like something clicks. Even in complete silence, I feel like I’m a part of something. Of him, of us maybe? I don’t know.- _

Eli shook her head. 

“So, with Rick, you feel safe and with Daryl, you feel like less of an outcast?” she waited for Eli to shrug before continuing. “Well, that sounds like a whole lot of feelings you got goin’ on for two guys. And Rick kissed you first, so what’s your next move?”

The older woman shot her a confused look.

_ -What do you mean?- _

“You obviously need them, probably both of them. But some people aren’t as… open to that sort of thing. If,” Beth hesitated, “if I’m reading the situation right.”

Eli snorted and rolled her eyes. She poked Beth in the forehead before signing back.

_ -I’d like to give you some credit, there’s a brain in there somewhere. I already talked to Rick. I won’t choose. I told him that Beth. This isn’t something I’m going to compromise on. I’ve seen the way they are together, you must have by now as well. They need each other. And I need them. Rick agrees with me too, he won’t do this without Daryl. There is no us without him, no them without me. If I know Daryl as well as I think I do, and I do, then he wants this too.- _

She paused to scrub a tired hand over her face. A soft groan tore through her throat and bubbled between her lips. 

_ -But he’s being so stupid! God, I’m not even pissed anymore that he ignored me. I mean, this is the only way I can say anything at all and he just ignored me completely. But I was over that within a few hours. It’s that he keeps digging a hole for himself. All I need was an apology, but he just tries too hard to be a martyr. And then he ran off after Rick kissed me.- _

Beth winced. That must’ve hurt Daryl. She opened her mouth to say as much, but Eli held up a placating hand.

_ -I know, bad move on his part. But I’ve asked him to talk to Daryl. I don’t know how long they’re going to be gone for, but I figure if it’s just them, it will be easier. Daryl’s a good man, and I love that he’s not the stereotype for how he was raised, but I’m worried about how he’s going to handle Rick being part of the equation.- _

“Are you worried he’s gonna freak out that Rick’s a man?”

Eli nodded. Not to mention that she was worried he’d try and fade out of the picture. If he would rather get his ass handed to him than apologize, it certainly seemed likely that he’d back up to give Rick and herself a chance at a relationship. All her hopes rode on Rick convincing Daryl that they needed each other. All three of them. 

“He might also worry about what everyone else will think. It may not seem like it, but Daryl thinks a lot about everyone else’s opinion. That’s why he doesn’t say much and any time he has an idea, he suggests it privately.”

Eli’s face twisted into a sneer. Her hands moved sharply and with barely contained rage.

_ -Fuck anyone who thinks anything bad. I mean look at us. Look at the lives we’ve had. Rick lost his wife in exchange for a baby that may not even be his. He loves her like his own, even though it’s very likely she isn’t. He came out of a coma from the world before and dove headfirst into what it’s become. And that’s only the things I know about. There’s no telling what else he’s been through. And Daryl, god don’t get me fucking started on Daryl.- _

She reached up to shove a lock of hair away from her heated face. 

_ -Daryl’s been handed a shit deck from the start. The way he was raised, the way his family was. And then when things went south, chaos all around, he stepped up. The circumstances of his life allowed him to survive in this world. Fuck, Daryl was built for this. But people still treated him like shit, like he was less than. I’ve learned a fair bit from talking to people. They’ve come to respect him, but it took them a very long time to see past their prejudices. Life has been a shit storm for him, for both of them. They deserve happiness, fuck anyone who looks down on that.- _

Her chest was heaving by the end of her rant. Despite being unable to vocalize her feelings, they came out in other ways. Eli’s heart was pounding and her skin felt too hot. Beth watched her, absorbing her conviction and passion. She really cared about them. But something else was evident from her speech. 

“And you?”

Eli looked startled. Confusion was plan on her face.

“Don’t you deserve happiness too? You talk about Daryl being self sacrificing…”

Beth gave her a meaningful look. Eli gazed back, contemplating her friend’s implication. 

_ -I guess we’re more alike than I thought. I am trying. That’s why I won’t just let Daryl off the hook for ignoring me. It’s not a big deal, but I’m trying to teach myself that I deserve to be treated better. That I deserve to be heard.- _

“You know, I think he believes that. When I talked to him last night, he was a mess. He knows what he did hurt you, and I’m sure he’s sorry. Can’t you forgive him?”

She smiled, softly. 

_ -I already have. But I need him to say it. A relationship like this, the only way it survives is with honesty and communication. If apologies aren’t given for mistakes, the pain might fester. I want this to work, I really do Beth. These men, Rick, Daryl. They mean everything to me.- _

Beth wordlessly wrapped arms around Eli. This wasn’t going to be easy, not by a long shot. But the blonde was sure that they could make it work, that they could be a family. Her friend sighed and leaned into her embrace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very much enjoying writing this story for you guys. I'll be introducing a new couple (yes couple, not trio) next week I think, or at least hinting at it. Once it's developed, I'll be adding it to the tags, but until then it's a surprise!


	38. The Cabin in the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl run into some trouble on their hunt and seek refuge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some minor angst and a little fluff for you!

“God fucking dammit.” 

Daryl cursed under his breath. He had thought that out here in no-man’s land he and Rick would be relatively safe from walkers. Nope. Fucking wrong. The woods were crawling with the dead, literally. The ex-sheriff panted along beside him as they ran through the trees. Daryl grit his teeth. If either of them got bit, it was gonna be on him. 

“C’mon, we gotta find somewhere to hole up until the herd passes through.”

Rick did his best to nod and keep up. He was used to running, but they’d been at it for nearly an hour now. It felt like they were going in circles too, but he trusted Daryl to lead him to safety. The man was in front of him, jumping over fallen branches and dodging the reaching hands of walkers. Speaking of… Rick darted to his left and sunk his dagger into a rotting skull. The damn thing had nearly scratched Daryl. The hunter grunted his thanks. 

“Careful,” Rick panted.

He watched blue eyes widen a fraction and then felt hands grabbing at his back. Panic grew in his gut, but before the monster could sink teeth into him, he was being yanked away. Daryl’s hand gripped his wrist hard enough to bruise. The hunter all but dragged him along, running full out. A whimper fell from Rick’s lips. His lungs were burning, his mouth so dry his tongue felt like sandpaper. The hand on him tightened fractionally and Daryl caught his gaze once more.

“Almost there, keep pushin’ now. Don’t you quit on me, Officer Friendly.”

The teasing moniker would have almost made him laugh. That is, if he hadn’t seen the genuine fear in Daryl’s eyes. 

“Ain’t dead yet.”

The hunter tore his gaze from Rick and focused on their escape. Hope flared in him, there was a path! It was old, barely visible. The walkers around them had thinned out some, their slow bodies being caught in the dense forest. He pulled the older man along, Rick’s hand twisting to grip his pulse. A puff of air pushed over Daryl’s lips.

“There!”

Rick gasped and panted beside him, too exhausted to speak. Ahead was a small cabin, rundown and clearly abandoned. The pair stumbled towards safety. Daryl slammed his body into the door, nearly ripping it from its hinges. Rick stood tall with his dagger in one hand, his other still grasping the hunter. He quickly scanned the room. There was thick layer of grime and dust on every surface, but no walkers. Daryl slipped from him, dragging a shabby couch in front of the broken door. Adrenaline was pulsing in their blood as they secured the shack. 

“I think we’re good,” the hunter murmured, his voice low to avoid drawing more walkers.

The fight went out of Rick at his words. The man fell to his knees, pressing his forehead to the floor. He gasped, trying to pull in air through lungs overworked by their desperate flight. Daryl was by his side in a moment. He pulled him up, yanking his arms up and holding Rick’s hands to the back of his head. Rick was too tired to fight him. Daryl managed to manhandle him, explaining what he was doing as he did it.

“Don’t do that Rick. Ya can’t bend like that, your lungs ain’t got enough in ‘em. If you do this,” he pulled the man’s elbows backwards a bit. “it’ll open your chest. There’s more room for air this way. C’mon, get up now. You can’t just dead stop like this either. Ain’t good for your heart. Up ya get.”

Gently, the hunter coaxed Rick up to stand. He was having trouble breathing himself, but his first priority was the ex-sheriff. He lead Rick around the room in a slow circuit, walking backwards so he could maintain eye contact with the older man. One hand was holding both of Rick’s firmly to the man’s head, the other planted on his hip to guide him. 

“That’s it. You stop movin’ too soon and all the blood starts to hurt. Pumps too much. Just keep breathin’ for now.” 

Daryl released his own air slowly, trying to steady his own frantic breathing. Rick watched him, trying to keep pace. The action made him think of Eli on her first night with him. The memory brought a smile to his lips. Daryl raised a questioning eyebrow, but didn’t ask. Slowly, both of their hearts calmed and they remembered how to breathe again. Once he was sure it’d be safe, Daryl released his companion. Rick threw himself on the ground, his aching body no longer able to keep him up. Daryl lowered himself down at a more sedate pace.

“Fuck me,” Rick groaned.

Daryl snorted, biting back a flirtatious retort. Man, if he was trying to put some distance between himself and Rick, he certainly wasn’t doing a good job. The ex-sheriff must have guessed at his response. A hand slapped weakly at his chest and then rested there. Daryl did his best to control his pounding heart. 

“Shut up, ‘m tired and everything hurts.”

The hunter grunted in agreement. They turned their heads to face each other, both grinning at the mess they found themselves in. 

“Almost got eaten alive out there, didn’t we Officer Friendly.” Daryl teased.

“Good thing I have a redneck on hand to save my ass,” Rick agreed.

Daryl smiled then, a real smile. Rick was loathe to admit it, but he’d only been graced with a handful of smiles from the man. It was like the sun finally coming out after a terrible storm. Hurt his heart a little, if he was being honest. Something must’ve shown on his face, because the smile faded a tiny bit.

“What?” Daryl queried.

“Nothin’. If I’d have known gettin’ chased by walkers would get you to smile at me, I’d have done it a long time ago.”

The hunter felt a blush spread over the tips of his ears. Daryl reminded himself that Rick didn’t mean anything special by it. It meant nothing, even if the words made something inside him twist up. Clearing his throat, he looked away.

“Think I can get us back to the van, I kinda have an idea which way we came from. Can’t leave yet, not with the dead all over still.”

As if to prove his point, the sound of bodies and arms slapping the walls of the cabin echoed around them. The two men held their breath, waiting for the walkers to move on. When they finally did, Rick had decided now was the time to talk.

“Why do you do that?”

Daryl screwed up his face.

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you change the subject when I say something nice about you?”

The hunter rolled to sit up. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have lying down and vulnerable. Rick rose as well, crossing his legs. Daryl shrugged.

“Why d’you keep saying nice shit?”

Rick pursed his lips slightly and blew out a breath. Daryl barely suppressed a shiver when he felt it push through his hair. 

“We gonna talk about this now? ‘Cause I’m ready to talk about it. I’ve given you a couple days now to tell me you’re ready, but I’m gettin’ the feeling that time isn’t comin’.”

“Ain’t much to talk about. I saw you with Eli. I ain’t gonna do nothin’, you know I wouldn’t Rick. I ain’t the type to get between anyone else. If she wants you, it ain’t got a thing to do with me.”

Daryl wanted this done and over. It killed him to say that he wouldn’t fight, but he wouldn’t. If Eli and Rick were happy, he wouldn’t try and get in the way of that. It wasn’t his place. Rick stared at him, mouth slack. Frustrated, he dragged his fingers through his curly hair. 

“You aren’t gettin’ it Daryl-”

“I get it just fine, don’t need you to spell it out for me.”

“Daryl-”

“Rick, you ain’t gotta-”

“Would you shut the fuck up for two seconds and listen to me?” Rick all but shouted. 

A groan from outside put a pause on anything Daryl might have responded with. When the walker had shuffled past, Rick scooted closer to the hunter. Daryl tried to scoot back, to look away, but found his face trapped in Rick’s grasp.

“Listen to me.”

And he kissed him. 

Daryl froze, eyes wide open and staring at Rick’s eyelids. The older man had slid one hand around the back of his head to curl into sweaty hair. His lips were demanding, pressing firmly into his, nipping and murmuring. Still Daryl didn’t move. Rick got up on his knees to close the distance between their bodies. The hunter felt him exhale, a trembling breath that he inhaled. Time turned back on and Daryl sprung to action. 

He threw himself backwards, ripping himself from Rick’s arms. Daryl scrubbed furiously at his mouth.

“What the fuck?!”

Really what the fuck?? His mind was all over the place. Rick edged closer to him again, crawling forwards on his knees.

“Daryl, I’m sorry-”

“You’re sorry?” he exploded.

What the fuck did that mean? He didn’t mean to? Was he using Daryl as a convenient replacement for Eli? 

“I dunno what you’re playing at, but cut it the fuck out. Don’t, don’t you fuckin’ touch me.”

Rick had his hands up in surrender, his eyes pleading for Daryl to wait, to listen. 

“Dare, please, just, god I’m so sorry-”

“Stop it. Just shut up Rick, I get it. But don’t, fuck, just don’t,” his voice cracked, “don’t play with me. Please.”

It was the plea that killed him. Daryl never begged for anything. Hell, he hadn’t even begged for his own life when he was in the Governor’s clutches. Rick had the sinking feeling that Daryl was reading this wrong. God had he fucked up big time. He had asked the man to listen and then not explained at all.

“I’m sorry Dare. I should have explained first, and asked if I could, if I could kiss you,” he stuttered.

“What?” Daryl was truly lost.

“We, Eli and me, it’s just, Daryl. We can’t do it without you.”

“What the fuck are you talkin’ about now?”

“When I kissed her at the prison, she told me she wouldn’t choose. If it was between me and you, she wouldn’t make that choice. I told her I wouldn’t either.”

Rick waited for his words to sink in. Daryl stared at him. Did he mean what he thought he meant? A sliver of hope rushed through the hunter. Not daring to believe, he ignored it.

“What choice? I’ve seen you two, you’re, well you’re happy together. All I’ve done so far is fuck things up.”

“What exactly have you fucked up?” challenged Rick.

“You know what I did, I made Eli freak out. Beth said she wasn’t breathing right. You’ve been there for her, all I’ve done is scare her away.”

Daryl let his head drop into his hands in shame. He did his best to keep his breathing even. To control the emotions swirling around inside him. A hand brushing through his hair startled him enough that he looked up. Rick’s ice blue eyes regarded him.

“That isn’t your fault. Eli has anxiety, something she doesn’t have control of, and something you certainly don’t. When she gets overwhelmed, her body betrays her. She has trouble breathing because of the fucking terrible things her mother did when she was a child. Not because of you. And yeah, we’re happy together, but we’re happier with you. I can’t speak for Eli, but I do have eyes. I’ve seen the way she connects with you. That’s something I’ll never be able to match.”

Daryl opened his mouth to protest, but Rick shook his head gently.

“Just listen. She watches you, her eyes seek you out in a room, like she isn’t comfortable without you. Eli needs you Daryl. And it’s okay if you fuck up, we all do. Hell, I nearly killed you down in the catacombs, and you were just trying to help me.”

Daryl slipped his thumb between his teeth. Rick ached to soothe him, comfort him and convince him that this was real. That what he and Eli wanted, needed, was real.

“An’ you?” the question was whispered, his lips not moving around the words.

The older man’s heart swelled. If Daryl was asking how he felt, there was a chance. Even if it was just a tiny chance, that’s all he wanted.

“Daryl, I just kissed you, fully aware that you might take it poorly and kick my ass.”

The hunter snickered. The thought hadn’t even occurred to him, but there was a time when that would have been his first reaction. Rick grinned in triumph.

“You’ve been with me from the start. Honest, you were the first sane thing I saw comin’ out of my coma. A man, with no secrets, lookin’ for his brother. You have iron clad control of your temper, I saw you put it away when I told you I’d locked Merle on the roof. I admire that about you. You’ve seen how mine runs away from me. I respect you, trust your decisions. You’ve cared for my kids like they were your own. Hell, Judith calls you daddy too.”

Daryl blushed. He would never say it out loud, but that meant the world to him. His whole life he’d never wanted kids, too scared he’d end up like his father. But Carl and Judith, he’d die for them. In a heartbeat. 

“Daryl, you’ve been with me through every shitty thing that’s happened so far. You’ve stuck by me, defended me, counselled me. Seeing you, being around you, it puts my mind at rest. I need you.”

The hunter wasn’t sure what to say. Rick held his gaze, trying to convey without words how much Daryl meant to him. How badly he wanted this to work. The man before him remained silent, contemplating what was being offered. 

It was just like Beth said, he had a chance here. It had never occurred to him that he could have Rick and Eli. Life had been a series of choices for him, ultimatums that in the end left him feeling regret. Daryl thought about Eli, how she’d wriggled her way into his heart in a few short weeks. He’d hoped that she would look at him, give him some kind of sign that she might want him back. They say hindsight is 20-20. There had been countless moments. She chose to sleep with him in the nest nearly every night, regardless of Rick’s presence. Eli always sat with him, touched him. Hell, she’d kissed him. He felt a small bit of shame at his own lack of confidence, the invitation for something more had always been there. 

“Daryl?”

Rick’s voice cut through his thoughts. This was the man who had trusted him, against all odds. Who had woken up from a coma to hell on earth and escaped from Atlanta. Who had found his family and then turned around and went straight back into the fire to bring back Daryl’s addict brother. From day one, Rick had risked his life for the hunter. Daryl made his decision.

Carefully, very carefully, he edged closer to Rick. The older man held himself completely still, not daring to move or breathe. His fingers were shaking, but Daryl forced himself to reach out and rest them against Rick’s cheek. His skin was hot, flushed from their flight and their argument. The hunter gazed at him from beneath his lashes, eyes nearly shut, and leaned closer. Rick’s heart was pounding. Daryl’s lips were parted slightly, inches from his own, and warm breath puffed across his cheeks. Still, he didn’t move closer, and Rick felt his control snap.

He surged forward, both hands gripping tight at the hunter’s jaw. Their mouths moved frantically, Daryl’s a touch hesitant, like he wasn’t sure what to do. Rick was more than happy to offer guidance, licking gently at his bottom lip. Daryl’s mouth opened with a sharp intake of breath and he sighed as the ex-sheriff’s tongue slid over his. He tasted like salt and metal. Rick’s hand slid down the column of his neck, a thumb resting over his jumping pulse. When he let his hand drift lower, over Daryl’s chest, the hunter pulled back slightly. The tiniest shake of his head let Rick know that this was as far as he was willing to go. Before he could sit back, Daryl pressed several small kisses to his swollen lips. Gentle and with so much care that Rick felt his chest ache. Daryl nudged his nose once and pulled away completely. He took a breath.

“I wanna try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Our first Rick/Daryl moment! 
> 
> What'd you think? I have a certain idea of Daryl's personality and Rick's that I'm sticking too. Hopefully you guys will like it!


	39. Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names (in theory)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth decides to work on her self defense with the help of a certain resident badass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning! It's technically Sunday so I got you some story! (i'm on EST it's 12:04 AM)
> 
> No Beta so sorry about mistakes

Beth wandered through the halls of the prison on a mission. Her look of determination was softened slightly by the baby perched on her hip. As she strode through the halls of the prison, she spotted Carol.

“Carol,” she called, “have you seen Eli? I want to ask her something.”

The older woman turned and smiled at the pair. Really Beth looked wonderful with a baby. A stray thought flitted through Carol’s mind, she wondered if she’d live to see that. Shaking her head slightly, she cleared her throat. 

“Nope, haven’t seen her all day. I think she’s goin’ a little stir crazy without her men here to distract her.”

Carol flashed the blonde a knowing smirk. Beth grinned back. 

“Well, can you watch Judy for me? I was hoping to find someone to practice self defense with. Eli said it was important and I’ve got a feeling she’s right. Tyreese already said no. I think he’s scared he might hurt me.”

Beth pouted slightly. Carol rolled her eyes and reached for Judith.

“Me and Judith can manage, can’t we baby?”

Judith cooed and reached to tug at her grey hair. Beth snickered and Carol shooed her away.

“Why not find Michonne? From what I saw during the battle, she’s a woman who knows how to handle herself.”

Carol would never say it aloud, but she was worried about the woman. She hadn’t done much to earn people’s trust around the prison. But if she and Beth were seen working together, it might help her image. The blonde mulled over her words and tapped her chin in thought. Michonne was a bit… intimidating. But maybe that was the point. Beth needed to be able to harness that persona and back it up with action. Michonne might just be what she was looking for.

“Okay, have you seen her? I’ve been all over the prison already and haven’t noticed her.”

“I think she’s out in the field. Someone’s gotta tend it while Rick’s away.”

Beth nodded, waving goodbye as she headed outside. The air was cool and a chill spread through the blonde as she left the prison walls. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater to cover her fingers. In an attempt to warm up, she trotted towards the ‘field’ as they called it. It wasn’t much, but Rick had started growing a vegetable garden after Lori had died. Surprisingly, it had helped when food got scarce and in between runs. As Beth got closer, she noticed Michonne.

The woman was bent at the waist, pulling weeds out of the beds and tossing them into a bucket. Despite the safety that the prison offered, she still had her katana strapped to her back. She was wearing her normal skin-tight pants, but rather than a sweater, she had on a loose tank top.

“Aren’t you cold?” Beth called.

Michonne rose and stretched slightly. Her face was blank as she regarded the blonde. They hadn’t had much of an opportunity to interact as of yet. Beth shot her what she hoped was a friendly smile. After a moment, a flash of white teeth gleamed against dark lips in answer. Michonne wiped her brow with the back of her hand, leaving a smear of dirt in its wake.

“Not if you’re moving around. I’m sweating.”

Beth giggled slightly and inched closer to the woman. She kept sending her shy glances, hoping she’d talk first. When Michonne did nothing but blink and wait patiently, Beth sighed in exasperation. Not much for conversation then. 

“Can you help me?”

Michonne’s stance changed quickly. Her posture became rigid and her eyes shifted around the yard. 

“With what?”

Beth tugged at her hair. How to go about this… 

“Well, I was hoping you could help me practice self defense. It’s just, you were so awesome during the battle, and the way you carry yourself,” Beth rambled, “You’re just amazing. I would really appreciate if you could show me some stuff.”

Michonne let out a soft laugh and held up her hand to put an end to Beth’s stuttering.

“I’ll help you. I may not know as much as Eli, but I can teach you a few things. What would you like to work on?”

Beth’s heart fluttered in relief. While she very much wanted to practice defense, and maybe offense, there was something else bothering her more.

“I want to be able to seem tougher. I know how I come across, like I can’t defend myself. There’s a lot of people out there that might try to take advantage of that now. I don’t want to end up dead or worse. Especially just because I seem…” she gestured to herself. 

Michonne crossed her arms over her chest and took a good look at the blonde. Her eyes wandered lazily over Beth’s body, taking in her posture, slightness of form. She stood only a few inches shorter than the swordswoman. But where Michonne was toned and strong, Beth was thin from too few meals and too much running over the past years. The blonde felt her face grow hot from scrutiny. Michonne finally pursed her lips and stepped into her personal space. She peered into her soft blue eyes, holding eye contact.

“There is nothing wrong with your appearance.”

Beth gulped at the words but didn’t look away.

“In a lot of ways, it can be used to your advantage. People won’t expect you to fight back, or even fight at all. Besides,” she took a step back and grinned, “if you can’t walk the walk, don’t talk the talk.”

The younger woman let out the breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. Michonne reached back to tie up her long dread locks.

“So,” she asked, “weapons or contact practice?”

A slow smile crept over Beth’s mouth as she eyed the longsword. 

“Weapons.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short, but I have another one for you. I had a little difficulty writing this week, lot's going on.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


	40. Family Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Eli play a little game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short family fluff chapter. 
> 
> My next one is too long so I had to break it up a little,
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> underlined is whistling 
> 
> -italics- is signing

Eli blew a lock of hair out of her eyes. She was struggling to drag a mattress across the yard and towards the far guard tower. Normally this wouldn’t be much of an issue, but it was her third one and there were a lot of damn stairs. It was a slow labor, for sure. 

She reached the door to the tower and decided she deserved a break. Flopping down on the mattress, her eyes scanned the yard. A smile pulled over her face at the sight of Beth. The woman was flushed and circling around what appeared to be a chair. Eli was too far away to see exactly what she was holding, but judging by the slashing and stabbing, it had to be a dagger. The woman she’d seen turn the tide at the battle, Michonne, stood off to the side, nodding occasionally and gesturing. Occasionally Beth would stop and the older woman would go over and correct her stance. Eli grinned to herself. Looks like Beth was taking her warning to heart. 

Groaning internally, Eli hauled herself up and started dragging her mattress into the building and up the stairs. By the time she’d reached the top of the tower, she was drenched in sweat. Without a thought, she pulled her turtleneck over her head and wiped down her face. It wasn’t like there was anyone there to see her. Annoyed, she glared at the offending article of clothing. While it wasn’t the shirt’s fault that she was hot, she still decided to blame it. Eli debated just leaving it off. She was in a short-sleeved t-shirt, which while it wouldn’t hide her throat or arms, it would keep the worst of her covered. There was still a good deal of moving that needed to be done. 

Making her decision, Eli carefully folded the shirt and set it to rest on a nearby chair. As she headed back towards the prison, she distracted herself by thinking about what she had to grab and how long it would take. Maybe she needed some help. A smile pulled at her lips, she knew just who to ask. 

She headed inside, ignoring the lingering looks from those who couldn’t help but stare. Eli waved at people that greeted her, taking care not to come across as rude. She hunted for Carol, hoping the woman might direct her to the person she was looking for. Eli found the woman with Judith in the kitchen. Judith lit up when she saw Eli and signed furiously for her.

_ -Hi baby, did you miss me? Who’s such a smart good girl? Have you been good for Carol?- _

Judith cooed softly and grabbed for Eli. Carol laughed and handed over the squirming toddler.

“She’s been babbling nonstop all day!” Carol exclaimed. “I have no idea what she’s been saying, but occasionally she signs a couple things. She’s done ‘C’ a few times, but I don’t think it means me.”

Eli shook her head.

_ -No, it means Carl. He was teaching her some signs.- _

“I noticed. Smart girl told me the second she needed a change.”

Eli nuzzled Judith and blew raspberries on her neck. The baby tangled her small fists into the woman’s dark hair and snuggled up.

_ -She’s a very smart baby, if a little quiet. That’s probably for the best. It’ll keep the walkers away if we ever go out with her.- _

Carol nodded solemnly. Eli looked very happy to be holding Judith, not a care in the world. But Carol’s mind was elsewhere. The young woman’s arms stood out in stark contrast against the soft skin of Judy. The scars on Eli were deep and angry. Some were red, more were white, but all of them looked like they pulled hard when she moved. Carol let her gaze wander while she was distracted. God, what had this woman been through? She shook herself from her thoughts before Eli could notice her staring.

“What can I do for you, pumpkin?” 

Eli snorted at the moniker.

_ -Looking for Carl. I’m trying to move the nest to the guard tower. It’s getting too cold to be outside.- _

Carol raised a brow.

“Did Daryl say that was alright? Usually he just drags his stuff into the stairwell. Last I knew, you two weren’t really talking.”

Eli blushed and shifted Judith higher on her hip. 

_ -I’m taking a risk, I know that. But I asked Rick to talk to Daryl about something very important. I’m not usually a gambling woman, but I’m pretty sure that things are going to work out. I think he’s gonna like the privacy the move will give him, plus, it should be warmer when I’m done.- _

Carol smiled at her. It seemed like the woman had given this a good deal of thought. Carol extracted a protesting Judith from Eli’s arms and shooed her away.

“Alright, Carl’s in the library. I expect to see both of you for dinner, so be quick about it!”

Eli mock-saluted the older woman and marched off to find the boy. When she entered the library, she couldn’t immediately see Carl. She whistled softly, adopting the method that Daryl had taught her. 

Where are you?

There was a long stretch of silence before Eli heard an answer.

Come find me.

She smiled to herself. Hide and seek? Eli crept through the rows of books, every so often she would whistle. It felt like a game of marco polo. 

Come find me. 

It came from her left, very near. Quiet as a mouse, Eli snuck around a bookcase and pounced on a giggling Carl. 

_ -Found you!- _ she signed triumphantly. 

Eli was perched on his chest and her long hair tickled his nose. Carl batted at it and huffed in mock anger.

“You must’ve cheated! No way could you have found me so quick!”

_ -No way kiddo, I won fair and square. Now you have to do my bidding!- _

The two laughed for a minute, Eli huffing quietly along with Carl’s chuckling. When their laughter died down, her face grew more serious. She rolled off and pulled Carl to his feet.

_ -No seriously, can you help me with a project?- _

“Oh!” Carl was surprised she even needed to ask. “Of course, what is it?”

_ -I’m relocating the nest for the winter. I’ve already dragged a few mattresses to the far guard tower, but all the stuff Daryl’s squirreled away is going to take way too many trips by myself.- _

Carl nodded, that sounded like something he wouldn’t mind doing. The pair of them headed up to the nest to start packing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Good morning! One more chapter after this one!


	41. Secrets and Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and Carl do some more bonding! Another family chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, I'm going to bed after this!

“So,” Carl grunted as he lugged several blankets across the yard, “why are we moving Daryl’s stuff? Did you two make up?”

Eli had two backpacks full of knick knacks and weapons strapped to her body, one on the front, one on the back. There were clothes thrown over her arms courtesy of Carl, but her hands were free. With a little difficulty, she managed to answer the boy.

_ -Well, no. But I’m hoping we will soon. Also, I have some big news for you, but I want to unload some of this stuff first. The short of it is that winter is coming and it’s going to be too cold to sleep on the roof. I thought if I moved all the stuff to the guard tower, we’d at least have a little shelter from the weather.- _

Carl frowned.

“So, you’re not gonna sleep with Dad in our cell anymore?”

Eli’s look softened.

_ -I’ll still be spending a good deal of time with you and Judy, but it’s important that everyone has their own space. Whenever you want, you can sleep up with me here or I’ll sleep with you in the cell.- _

Carl mulled that over as he and Eli climbed the many stairs in the tower. It was true that sometimes he wished he had his own cell, a little privacy. He was a growing boy after all. There were days when it was incredibly awkward to share such a small space with his dad, and now with Eli thrown in the mix... Well, suffice to say it was embarrassing at times. Eli kicked open the door to the top of the tower and threw down her load. Carl wasn’t far behind.

“But what about Dad? He’s gonna miss you if you’re holed up here for the winter.”

_ -That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.- _

Eli took a big breath and settled cross legged on one of the mattresses. She patted the space beside her and Carl stretched out on it. He had an idea of where this talk was going. 

_ -So, before your daddy left on the run, he kissed me.- _ she paused to gauge his reaction.

Carl guffawed. 

“Ha!” he cheered, “Beth owes me three comic books!”

Eli laughed back, a wheeze of air sliding off her tongue.

_ -I guess everyone was expecting it but me then. So you’re okay with it? I mean, I like your dad very much, and I care a great deal for you and Judy.- _

“Eli, I told Dad forever ago that he’s ready to try a new relationship. Yeah, mom’s always gonna be in his heart, but she’s gone now. She has been for a while. I really like you too, Eli. Judy loves you. I think it’s gonna be great.”

Carl quickly found his arms full of a shaking Eli. The woman was so pleased to hear about his easy acceptance. He laughed slightly at her dramatics. After a moment, she pulled away.

“If you and Dad are together now, why are we moving the nest out here? Why aren’t you going to sleep in the cell with us?”

Carl had already figured out a good deal of what was going on, but he wanted Eli to tell him. In a way, it was a test. He really liked the woman. She spoke to him like an equal, was always honest, and never treated him like he was a kid. Yeah, they were silly together on occasion. But Eli was genuinely having fun with him, not just entertaining him. If she was honest with him about what was going on now, it would only make him respect and love her more.

_ -It’s a little complicated, but I’m gonna do my best to explain.- _

She waited to be sure he was paying attention before continuing. Carl settled in, even dragging a blanket over to cover their laps.

_ -I like your dad, as I’ve said before. I can’t say I liked him the first time I saw him, but I did the first time he spoke to me. He’s a good man. But I need to be honest here with you, just like I was with him. As much as I like him and respect him, he isn’t the only one in my heart.- _

“Is it Daryl?” Carl interrupted.

Eli nodded and continued.

_ -Daryl I liked right from the start. Your daddy fought ferociously to keep the Woodbury people away from the door to the prison, to you. But Daryl went out into the fray to keep more from getting closer. And the first time I got up close to him, he was passed out. Kept him from making an ass out of himself.- _

Carl snickered.

“He has a way with words.”

Eli snorted and lightly bumped the boy.

_ -Daryl and I are really alike. We have a lot in common and I feel really drawn to him. I would never ever do anything like cheat on your daddy, or Daryl for that matter. So as soon as Rick kissed me, I told him I wasn’t going to choose. Turns out, he feels the same way. Daryl is a very special man. He’s earned a place in my heart as well as your dad’s.- _

She looked at Carl hard. While she didn’t think he’d have a problem with it, sometimes kids had trouble accepting that their parents were interested in their own gender. 

“I knew something was growing between you guys,” he began. “Daryl’s really important to me too. He’s been there for me and Judy, taken care of us. He’s even scolded me on occasion.”

Eli smiled at the image of big bad Daryl wagging a finger at Carl.

“It’s a little weird. I mean, Dad’s only ever had Mom. But there were kids that I went to school with that had two dads. I’ve never heard of someone having three parents all together though. Only in divorced families.”

_ -It wasn’t really socially acceptable in the old world. The idea that someone could care for and love more than one person was too much to swallow for some. There were families like that, but I think for the most part they kept it hush hush. I don’t see why we would need to keep it a secret now though. When the dead are up and moving, there really is no need to worry about the living and who they love.- _

“So, do you love them?”

Eli frowned slightly and thought about it.

_ -I don’t know Carl. There are things keeping me from saying yes. I’ve never loved anyone, at least not in this regard. Plus, there are a lot of things that I don’t know about them. Hell, I don’t even know if Daryl wants this. I asked Rick to talk to him about it. When they get back, we’re all going to need to sit down and discuss it. But I really don’t know. I like them, care about them, worry about them. But love is really big, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.- _

Carl nodded.

“He does you know, want this. Daryl. Dad’s not very observant, but I’ve noticed that Daryl sort of gravitates towards him. And then when you showed up, it was like a bomb went off in his head. He’s been acting completely different. Daryl’s always been nice to us kids, but less to the adults. I think it’s ‘cause they all acted like dicks to him,” he dodged a swat from Eli. “Hey! It’s true! No one was nice to him, especially before Dad showed up.”

He sobered up really quick with that thought. Eli felt the mood shift and scooted closer to the boy.

_ -Tell me yours, tell you mine?- _ she signed slowly, her eyes gentle.

Carl nodded, accepting the trade.

“Before Dad came back, Shane was in charge. When everything happened, with the walkers, Shane was the one to get me and Mom out. I really liked him, always did. He and my dad were partners on the force and I grew up with him. He told us that Dad had died.” Eli drew in a breath and Carl picked at his nail. 

“That he died at the hospital. He said he only said that to get Mom to leave Atlanta. I don’t think she would have gone with him if she knew Dad was alive. It wasn’t long before we met up with other survivors, Daryl and Merle were a couple of them. Merle was real mean, used to swear up and down and treat everyone like crap. Mom told me to stay clear of the Dixon brothers. So I did. But Daryl wasn’t like his brother. He wasn’t nice to me, but he always watched me and the other kids, made sure we didn’t wander off. Sometimes, if food was scarce, he’d scrap his plate onto mine. I wasn’t allowed to talk to him, so I didn’t even say thank you. Shane was really awful to them. He used to call Daryl and Merle rednecks and threaten them. Even though they were the only ones hunting and bringing us fresh meat, everyone avoided them. And then, one day Glenn came back from a run in this fancy race car. It was really cool!”

Eli nodded and smiled. She might not know Glenn very well, but she could imagine the man taking a joyride in a sportscar. 

“But Shane was pissed. He said the noise was gonna draw walkers. While he’s yelling at Glenn, the van with everyone else pulled up and my Dad got out. It was amazing! I thought he had died, and there he was! Shane looked like he was gonna be sick though, my mom did too. But Merle wasn’t with them. He’d gone on the run with the others. Daryl came back from hunting and called for him, but he didn’t answer. Turns out Dad had handcuffed him to the roof of a building and T-dog dropped the key. Daryl started freaking out, started cursing everyone out, threatening people. Mom tried to pull me away, but I kept watching. Shane grabbed him, put him in a choke hold. He really hurt him too. Dad got him to let go and calmed Daryl down.”

Carl stopped talking for a moment. He sat quietly and bit at his lip, thinking about what he wanted to say next. Eli waited patiently.

“Dad went back to Atlanta. He took Daryl back to find his brother, even though he didn’t know Daryl. The only thing he knew about the Dixons was that Merle was a racist, mean, drug addict who nearly got everyone killed on their run. But he took Daryl back. He’d only just found us, me and Mom. Mom was so mad, told him he was terrible for leaving us again. I didn’t understand it back then, but I get it now. Dad’s honorable. It was his fault Merle was stuck on that roof, and he owed it to Daryl to at least try and get him back. Dad was the first person to show Daryl any kind of kindness. Really the first person to treat him like a human being. And you were the first person to dig down under his rough exterior and bring out the best in him. You guys really are meant for each other. All of you.”

Eli waited a few minutes longer before signing. 

_ -Thank you, for your story. It means a lot to me, especially to see how things were for you before I met you. Thank you for telling me about how Daryl was treated as well. You’ve grown a lot since then. You and Daryl are closer now too, I’ve seen him kid with you.- _

Carl blushed. It was weird to him that Eli would thank him for his stories, but in a way he understood. The things he was telling her about weren’t always easy for him to say. But now it was his turn.

“How’d you get those scars?”

Eli startled. She’d forgotten about her lack of coverage. Part of her wanted to lie, but she knew she couldn’t do that to Carl. The boy had openly told her several fairly deep parts of his life. All she had done was tell him she was into his dad. It didn’t seem like a fair trade to her.

_ -They aren’t from anything as simple as a walker. I can’t give you a lot of details, they’re exhausting and painful to think about. But when I was little girl, my mother became very sick. She had schizophrenia and she would hallucinate that I wasn’t real. I was very young when she started to hurt me. It wasn’t really bad for the most part. But there were days when it was.- _

“Can you show me?” Carl’s voice was timid.

He wanted to understand Eli better. She was incredibly kind and patient. But she didn’t take any shit from anyone. Her entire personality was an enigma that Carl was determined to unravel. Eli hesitated slightly, but then nodded.

_ -I won’t show you the worst of it. I’m letting you know now. There might come a day when you see it by accident, but until then, I won’t show you.- _

Carl nodded his acceptance. Eli tugged down the neck of her shirt, carefully to cover the hateful words still. The twisted scar through her shoulder made its appearance.

_ -This one is from a tent stake.- _

She pulled down the waist of her pants a bit. The chemical burn across her hip peaked out.

_ -This is from bleach, among other things.- _

Eli brushed her hair away from her throat and tilted her head back.

_ -This is from a knife.- _

Carl reached out to finger that one. He knew she couldn’t talk, knew it was from damage to her throat. But he didn’t know it was from her mom. Eli said she had been sick, but to do something as terrible as this… And she had said it wasn’t the worst of it. He couldn’t imagine what the rest looked like. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Sometimes, I felt like my mom didn’t love me. She never hurt me.” Carl swallowed. “Not like yours did. But sometimes it just felt like she wished I wasn’t there.”

Eli didn’t dispute him. His feelings were his and she wasn’t going to dismiss them. She knew he was trying to offer comfort, compassion and empathy. 

_ -My mother loved me too much.- _

Eli’s eyes were misty.

“How could she,” Carl was angry on her behalf. “How could she hurt you if she loved you? That doesn’t make any sense at all.”

_ -She was sick. It doesn’t need to make sense, love. Her mind was torn in two, part of her thought I was real, and part of her didn’t. She hurt me to be sure I was real. It doesn’t make sense, but I know she loved me.- _

Carl was silent. If Eli thought her mom loved her, that was Eli’s business. Carl would rage and hate the woman he’d never met for her. He needed a name, a name and face to put to his anger.

“What was her name?” He kept his voice steady and level.

_ -Nora. She was beautiful, even at her worst.- _

“Did she look like you?”

Eli shook her head and her eyes had a faraway look in them.

_ -No. She was blonde, very tall. She had the most wonderful green eyes. I don’t look a bit like her.- _

Her face looked bitter, like she was upset about that. Did she not think she was beautiful?

“Eli, you’re really pretty. You know that right?”

Carl was very solemn. Eli looked at him and smiled a tiny bit. Leaning over, she pressed a kiss to his brow. 

_ -You’re very sweet. But that’s enough sharing for today. We have to get the rest of this stuff moved and set up before dinner. Carol will have our heads if we aren’t there.- _

Carl grinned. He got to his feet and headed for the exit. 

“I’ll race you!”

He flew out the door, Eli hot on his trail. The pair laughed and Eli shook her fist at Carl’s back.

_ -Cheater!- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week/chapter, we will be back to Rick and Daryl! I hope you liked this chapter, it's really really long. Five pages on my word document, gotta love google docs. 
> 
> In case you were wondering, it's 187 pages total for the entire story. To think, back in high school I used to whine about 10 page papers


	42. Uncertainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Rick are still on their run, long past when they thought they'd be back. Doubt seems to be creeping into both of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whistles are underlined! 
> 
> I dunno how to make it look underlined in the notes, so sorry about that, I'm sure you've noticed by now.

Rick eyed the shop skeptically. It was nearing dark and the shadows seemed to be creeping in. After their desperate flight in the forest, Daryl had managed to lead them back to the van and off towards town. It wasn’t much. The whole area had been a ghost town, even before the walkers, and time had not treated it well. The windows of the Salvation Army were covered in grime and the shutters over the door were nearly rusted through. 

“This it?” Rick spoke softly, not yet sure of their safety.

Daryl grunted and squinted up at the broken sign. This was it.

“My ma used to drag me and Merle here a couple times a year. Before she died. Merle hated it, but,” he hesitated, his eyes sliding to gage Rick’s reaction. The man smiled in encouragement. “I used ta hide in the clothes, pretend I was somewhere else. Was nice.”

He fell silent. Rick waited to see if he’d reveal more, but it seemed as though Daryl had closed back up again. Two steps forward and one step back. 

“So what’s the plan? We gonna hit it from the front and load up?” 

Daryl shook his head, grateful for the change in subject.

“Naw, figured we could head around back. That’s where they take donations. There’s a loading dock we should be able to use, keep things quiet and fast. Never know when a herd might pass through.”

Rick nodded and the two headed back for the van. Daryl drove them around and backed up to the overhead door. He and Rick communicated without words from then out. They moved silently, like a well oiled machine. Daryl kicked in the employee door while Rick stood at the ready with his knife. They both held their breath to see if the noise would draw any walkers. The shop was silent. Regardless, they moved fluidly through the back and up to the front. Only once they were sure it was empty did they relax. 

“Clear,” Rick murmured.

Old habits die hard, that much was obvious. Daryl chuckled softly at the older man. In the gloom, he made out a flash of white teeth grinning back at him. There was a pregnant pause. Neither man moved, waiting for the other to speak. 

“Daryl-”

“We should-”

Rick let out a huff of laughter. Daryl bit his thumb uncomfortably.

“You first,” Rick said.

“We should get the van. That detour in the woods set us back a bit. We’ve already been gone more than a week.”

Rick sighed and shoved his fingers through his hair. Daryl recognized the gesture for what it was. He was frustrated. The hunter resisted the urge to bite his nail, anxiety sitting in his gut like a rock. 

“Yeah,” Rick said at last, “you’re right. I’ll get the door, you bring in the van.”

They split off, Daryl heading back outside with his knife at the ready. It was eerily quiet in the town and night had truly set by then. He shook his head. Now was not the time to admire the stars. He hadn’t been lying either, they had been gone from camp for nine days now. Daryl was anxious to get back and see everyone, especially Eli. But he was also anxious to get away from Rick. Since their night in the cabin, Rick hadn’t once tried anything. What was more perplexing was that he seemed to be holding back even more than before. There had been countless times that Daryl was sure Rick was going to reach out and touch him, but he never did. The implications of his withdrawal weighed heavily on Daryl’s mind. Had he changed his mind?

The sound of the door grating open distracted him. If there were any walkers in the area, that would certainly draw them. With skill and speed, Daryl backed the van into the bay and cut the engine. By the time he got out, Rick had already dragged the door back down. The room was plunged into sudden darkness. There were no windows back here to let in the scant light of the night sky. Daryl’s eyes were open wide in an attempt to acclimate himself to the gloom. Rick’s voice wafted through the air.

“I’m turning on my flashlight. I’m gonna point it at the ground, but it’s gonna be bright.”

Daryl took the word of warning with a grunt of acknowledgement. Not a moment too soon, he squeezed his eyes shut against the light. True to his word, Rick had aimed it at the ground, but it was still an adjustment. A moment later and Daryl popped open his eyes again. The hunter reached out a hand and took the second flashlight offered to him. 

“I’m gonna grab blankets and baby clothes, if I can find some. Can you get some stuff for Eli? You know her size better than I would. Don’t forget boots, she’s gone without shoes for too long.”

“Alright, whistle if you need me.” Daryl turned on his heel and stalked off to find clothes.

With little fanfare, they worked their way around the store, heading back to the van whenever they filled a cart. Occasionally, Rick would head towards the hunter to check up on him. He always found the man with a scowl on his face, squinting at the sizes on women’s clothes. There were more than a few grumbles as well. It seemed as though fashion wasn’t Daryl’s forte. After one too many quiet curses, Rick took pity on him and intervened. 

“What’s wrong Daryl?”

“These fuckin’ things! They’re all wrong!” he groaned in frustration. “None of this shit is stuff Eli would want to wear. She ain’t girly. She’d rather wear my clothes and yours than this frilly shit. Everythin’ I think she might wanna wear is way too big for her.”

Rick pulled in a deep breath and held it. After a moment of thought, he let it out slowly.

“Do you think she'll care? I mean if you pick clothes that aren’t what she might pick. Carol says when she found her in the forest, Eli was only wearing a long sleeve shirt. Only, as in nothing else. I don’t know that style is gonna be at the top of her list.”

He tried to offer an out, a way for Daryl to justify his choices on Eli’s behalf. But the hunter couldn’t do it. There were things he wanted to say, but… He stared at the floor.

“What is it Daryl?”

Rick stepped closer to him as he spoke. Daryl’s chest rose quickly at the motion, but otherwise he didn’t move. Rick felt the tension between them grow. Just when he thought it time to break the silence, the hunter opened his mouth.

“That’s not the point though. I want her to know I notice things. That I,” he cleared his throat, “that I care. I want to bring her back something that will make her happy. I know I gotta say sorry still for bein’ a dick, but I wanna bring back an apology gift too.”

He fell quiet again, picking at his nail slightly. Rick eyed him. Daryl was a lot more observant than people gave him credit for. And it was always the little things with him. The extra candy bar for Carl, a little toy for Judith. But he never took credit, always said he hated chocolate or that he happened to find a stuffed rabbit for the kids. Everyone knew better by now, but it just went to show what kind of a man Daryl Dixon really was.

“Well you said it yourself, she’d much rather wear our clothes than anything girly. Why don’t you head towards the men’s section, see if you can find anything. I know she’s pretty fond of your poncho, maybe you could grab somethin’ like that.”

Daryl let a rare smile twitch at the corners of his lips. 

“Yeah,” he murmured.

Rick watched him stalk off, flashlight bouncing against the tile floor. He had just finished loading up all the items he wanted to take back. There were several winter coats, nearly a dozen blankets and quilts, baby toys and clothes. He’d even gone into the supply closet and taken all the toilet paper. Rick shook his head ruefully. God if he’d have known the world was gonna end, he would have horded that shit. With Daryl busy and the night well underway, he decided to get to work setting up their sleeping arrangements. 

As luck would have it, one of the couches for sale was a pullout bed. The mattress was fairly musty, but it was better than nothing. Rick gathered as many spare blankets (that he hadn’t already stuffed into the van) and made a small nest. It was nothing like the nest back home, but it would do. He was just settling in when Daryl whistled for him.

Where are you?

He smiled.

Come find me.

It took a minute or so, but the beam of a flashlight eventually fell on Rick’s face. Daryl eyed him. The darkness helped to hide his gaze, but his anxiety revealed itself in other ways. He was lingering, not moving towards the bed, but not heading away. Not only that, but his thumb had found its way to his teeth as well. Rick sighed softly, disguising the sound as a yawn. With a lazy hand, he beckoned Daryl to join him.

“C’mon. It ain’t the best thing, but it’s warm and comfy. Get in.”

Rick threw back half of the blankets to make the offering more enticing. Daryl noticed that the man was still fully clothed, right down to the boots on his feet. The knowledge left the hunter feeling equal parts relieved and confused. Relieved that Rick wasn’t stupid enough to assume they were safe out here in the open. And confused about… Well, he really wasn’t sure why. Only that he was. Daryl shed his jacket, but left everything else on and joined him. 

Rick threw the blankets over his body and snuggled down, burrowing deeper into his cocoon. Sleep was calling to him, but something felt off. Frowning, he tried to rouse his mind enough to figure out what it was. Daryl. The man was laying completely rigid, even his breathing was stilted and controlled. He didn’t look particularly comfortable either, laying on his back staring straight at the ceiling. Rick scooted slightly closer to him.

“What’s the matter?”

Daryl twitched at his voice, not quite a flinch, but still enough to concern Rick. The older man lay still and waited for an answer. Nervous energy seemed to be dancing beneath the hunter’s skin.

“Found some nice boots. Steel toe, for Eli. I think she’ll like ‘em. And I got her a shawl, looks a lot like my poncho but the colors are a little brighter. Won’t stay that way for long, but I thought she might like it anyways. Real nice coat too, it’s got a soft lining and three layers. You can take ‘em out in different seasons.”

He was rambling and they both knew it. Rick wiggled closer again and reached to rest his hand beside Daryl’s hip. This time he did flinch, and didn’t that hurt like a bitch. Rick pulled back, tucking his hands against his chest.

“I ain’t gonna do nothin’ to you Daryl. You don’t have to worry about it.” 

Rick had really hoped that this was going to work out. But if Daryl wasn’t even comfortable with him lying close… he wasn’t sure it would. He’d tried to give the man some space, to ease into this relationship slowly. As far as Rick knew, Daryl hadn’t ever been with a man before. While Rick hadn’t either, he figured his upbringing made him more accepting of that sort of thing than Daryl might be. Looks like he was right.

“Why?”

The question was asked roughly, a tone of hurt and confusion laced in with anger. Rick blinked.

“Why what?”

“Why aren’t you doin’ nothin’? I thought you said you wanted both of us, me an’ Eli. But you ain’t so much as touched me since,” he gulped, “since the cabin.”

Understanding hit Rick like a freight train. His pulse quickened and he dared move closer to the hunter.

“Are you sayin’,” he was slightly breathless, “you’re tellin’ me I’m goin’ too slow?”

Daryl rolled on his side to face Rick. His eyes searched Rick’s face for any sign that he might be teasing, or playing a prank on him. When he found nothing but honesty, he dared nod his head. 

“Fuck Daryl.”

That was all the warning the man got. Rick was on him faster than he could blink. Hot hands pressed hard against his jaw and a warm mouth found his own. Daryl groaned in the back of his throat, the sound of it being swallowed by Rick. He rolled them. The hunter found himself trapped between the mattress and Rick’s hips, the pressure being exactly what he needed. One of them whimpered at the contact. Rick’s tongue slipped between Daryl’s lips and teased him. There was no battle for dominance, the hunter lying pliant beneath his capable hands. Rick’s fingers tugged gently at his hair, eliciting another moan. Daryl bucked up without meaning too. Savagely, Rick tore his mouth from the hunter’s and stared down at him. 

“Rick,” his voice was strangled and desperate.

The older man made a noise half between a groan and a whimper. His body curled down once more, but this time lower. Rick licked and sucked at the hollow of Daryl’s neck, tasting sweat and dirt, and something distinctly masculine. His nose prodded at the hunter’s hairline. He smelled like pine trees and cigarettes. Daryl did everything he could to keep his voice down, not wanting to draw the attention of walkers. Bravery and lust aided the man as he reached up to slip his hand under Rick’s shirt. The action brought the older man to a standstill. Daryl felt his breath shudder against his neck for a moment before Rick resumed his ministrations. His responses prompted Daryl to explore further. He ran a rough hand over flat abs that rippled at his touch and brushed the pad of his thumb over a nipple. Rick slammed his hips down at the contact and ripped his face from the man’s throat.

“Daryl, if you don’t stop, I might not be able to,” he wanted it to keep going, hoped desperately that he’d never have to stop feeling Daryl’s touch. 

The hunter sat up a bit, his stomach straining slightly. He grabbed the back of Rick’s head roughly and tugged him down again. They kissed, writhing together as hands wandered over heated flesh. Rick let his trail slowly down Daryl’s chest and over his hips. They’d pulled apart again, Rick sitting up and rocking slightly in the hunter’s lap. Daryl’s hands rested on his hips, encouraging him with the slightest squeezes and thrusts of his own. His eyes were dark as he peered up at the older man. Rick’s hand traced the sliver of skin revealed between Daryl’s shirt and pants, asking for permission. The minutes seemed to tick by, the hunter’s stomach muscles jumping under his touch. Finally, Daryl moved.

“Ain’t ready,” he mumbled it like he was embarrassed. 

Rick didn’t comment, didn’t act upset. He just leaned down and gave Daryl the sweetest, most passionate kiss he’d ever experienced. His tongue swept through his mouth one final time before several softer pecks were pressed to his lips. Daryl involuntarily twitched his hips one last time and Rick groaned softly. 

“Gonna be the death of me.”

He rolled off and settled down on his back. Daryl felt shame creep into his cheeks.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

Rick snorted, having none of it. He reached over and tugged the man against him, laying Daryl’s head over his chest. One hand idly stroked his bicep, the other held firm to his hip. 

“You don’t ever need to apologize to me about anything. If you ain’t ready, you ain’t ready and that’s that. Besides,” he pressed a kiss to Daryl’s brow and smiled, “Eli would be awful jealous if she got left out.”

Daryl felt his embarrassment slip away and he laughed. The comforting position and the heat of his bedmate made him extremely tired. Rick kissed him one last time before they settled in for the night. 

“Sleep now.”

“Shush.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Some action! I hope you liked it. I don't want things to go too far without Eli there, especially since Daryl hasn't made up with her yet.


	43. Cabin Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli is going crazy trapped in the prison walls. She suggests heading out for a bit to Hershel and finds a companion to take with her

“Alright, I’ve had enough!” Carol threw her hands up in exasperation, “Go bother Hershel!”

Eli grinned sheepishly at the woman. It was true that she was being a menace, but she was just trying to help out. It wasn’t really her fault that the clean clothes had fallen in the dirt. Really it was the result of poorly stacked baskets. Which, admittedly, she had done. So, maybe it was her fault. A little. Maybe.

Truth was, she was bored. It had been a couple days since she and Carl had moved the nest and the men weren’t back yet. Rick and Daryl had been gone for eight days. Eight, long, lonely, days and nights that Eli had spent without them. She slept alone in the nest the first couple nights, bed hopping for a few more. Once she’d moved everything, Carl and Judith had shared the guard tower with her. But now, the days were dragging. Eli had done everything she could think of to help out, even working the field a few times. But things were well in hand around the prison and other than the occasional self defense lesson, Eli had nothing to do. 

Carol shooed her away, bending to inspect the clothes Eli had dropped. The woman felt guilty about leaving the mess, but Carol had assured her that if she did not march her ass up to Hershel, she wouldn’t see any more fruit cups for dessert. So she fled while she could to find the good doctor. 

Hershel was in his ‘office’ when she finally found him. He was marking down items on a list and didn’t look up when she entered. Eli waited patiently with her hands clasped behind her back, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. Hershel still didn’t acknowledge her. She gave a small cough. 

“I know you’re here Eli, I was hoping you’d go away if I didn’t say hello,” he teased.

The woman stuck her tongue out at him. 

_ -Carol sent me up. She needed me out of her hair for a bit.- _

“And what made her think I would want you in mine? I’m already balding, dear, I fear your enthusiasm might make it all fall out.”

Eli snorted.

_ -I need something to do, I’m feeling very-  _ she struggled to find the right words  _ -confined.- _

“Ah, so you’ve got a case of cabin fever. I wondered when that would happen. You’ve lived outside for, what, a year?”

_ -A little over that.- _

“Exactly. Now you’re stuck in here with all of us. And without Rick and Daryl to distract you,” he arched a brow.

Eli blushed.

_ -That obvious?- _

“Only to those who know what they’re looking at. It helps too that Beth told me about Rick’s goodbye.”

Eli groaned, the sound rumbling in her throat.

“No need to feel embarrassed. I’m happy for you three, really. But right now we need to find something to keep you busy.”

_ -Can I go out?- _

“Well no one is keeping you here! If you can find somethin’ to do outside these walls, I’m sure everyone would be more than happy for you.”

Eli smiled at the old man’s scolding tone. She knew he was only teasing and appreciated that he realized she was an adult and could handle herself.

_ -I was thinking of going hunting.- _

“Hunting?” Hershel scratched lightly at his beard. “By all means, I think you’ve more than proved you can survive in the wild. How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

She thought for a moment. It would be nice to get outside again, and she’d enjoy it for as long as she could. But Rick and Daryl had already been gone for more than a week and she didn’t want to miss their return. Well, she was sure someone would tell them where she was if they beat her back.

_ -A couple days, maybe three tops. It depends on what I get, if anything.- _

“Can I come?” a voice interrupted their conversation.

Eli and Hershel turned to eyeball the trespasser. Carl stood in the doorway of the cell, a sheepish expression on his face.

“Didn’t your daddy teach you not to eavesdrop?” Hershel chastised the boy.

“Sorry,” Carl replied, not sounding the least bit remorseful. “Carol told me she sent Eli up here and when I heard what you were talking about… Daryl said he’d take me hunting but his leg’s hurt and he’s out with Dad still. I know where all his traps are though. He’s showed me them a couple times. I’ll be real helpful, I promise.”

Eli considered his request. She short Hershel an inquisitive look.

“Don’t look at me,” he raised his hands in defeat. “Carl’s not _my_ son. I’d like to think Rick would trust you with his boy, at least to keep him safe. And it’d keep him from sulking around until you got back if you just take him. It’s up to you though, Eli. If you don’t feel up to it, I’ll keep an eye on him and Judith.”

Carl held his breath, hoping that she’d agree. Eli sized him up. It would be advantageous to have another set of hands out there to help, provided that said hands were well behaved. It might also give Carl the opportunity to learn about survival in the forest. She hadn’t survived for over a year on sheer luck. Anything she could teach the boy would help put her mind at rest. In the event of disaster, he’d at least have the tools to make it. 

_ -Meet me at the gate in fifteen minutes.- _

“Yes!” he cheered.

Eli held up a finger to silence him.

_ -You do exactly as I say, no questions. You pack a bag with three pairs of socks. Grab your gun, the one with the silencer, and a hunting knife. You can get that from the nest if you don’t have your own, Daryl has nearly a dozen. Get a very long and strong rope as well. Pack some food, stuff that will last a few days. Kiss your sister and meet me outside.- _

Carl grinned and saluted the woman, scurrying off to do as she said. Hershel sighed as he left.

“Why do I get the feeling this was a bad idea?”

Eli snorted.

_ -I’ll keep him safe. Just hope he doesn’t scare off all the prey.- _

She waved goodbye and left the cell. Hershel sent a quick prayer to whatever god was listening.

“Make sure they make it back in one piece.”

 

\-----------------------------

 

_ -Ready to go?- _

Carl bounced on his toes, clearly too excited about going out with Eli. 

“Yep, I packed like you said. I even stopped to give Judith a kiss! Thanks for taking me out. Daryl’s been promising me but I think he was lying about it. Not to be mean or anything, it just felt like he didn’t really want to have me around out there. I’m really good with a gun, not bad with a knife. I won’t be a hassle-”

_ -Stop.- _ Eli cut him off.  _ -Rule number one! No talking, none, unless I say we’re safe.- _

“But-”

She held up her hand to stop his complaint.

_ -I’ve taught you enough sign language that you should be able to do a fair bit. While we’re out here, it’s very important that you stay quiet. If you’re talking, you’re going to scare off animals. Not only that, but you could draw walkers. Outside, walkers are looking to eat you and eat your kill. If we get something big, it would suck to have it tainted by the dead. Understand?- _

Carl opened his mouth to respond. Eli raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

_ -Yes.- _

_ -Good boy. Rule number two! If I tell you it’s time to run, you run. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be right there with you. But sometimes I’m gonna know something’s coming before you do, so you’ll need to trust me. Same goes for you. If you get a bad feeling, you speak up. Your instincts will keep you safe and alive, so long as you listen to them.- _

Carl nodded, his mouth firmly shut in a thin line. Eli smiled at his self control. 

_ -This one’s not a rule, more of a pointer. We are going to get very dirty out there. On purpose even. First step is to disguise our smell from our prey, so we’re going to be rolling in some pretty foul mud. If you think you can handle that, and sleeping in trees, then we’re ready to go. That sound alright?- _

Carl signed back, his hands moving at a much slower pace than Eli’s.

_ -Why do we sleep in trees?- _

_ -It’ll keep us out of reach from walkers. If we’re high enough up, they won’t be able to smell us either. I’m not going to lie to you, it isn’t very comfortable. But staying alive trumps comfort any day, at least in my opinion.- _

_ -Okay, I’m ready to go.- _

_ -Good boy. Let’s head out.- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's not Rickyl and it's not Dareli (I made that up) but it's coming, I promise. You have to wait, three more chapters though. One more with Carl and Eli, then one with Beth, then the boys will be home. 
> 
> Patience is a virtue! (that I often find myself lacking)
> 
> I'm trying to get to the boys coming home tonight, but if not, expect it Wednesday night at the latest.


	44. Adventure! Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Eli are out on their first day of hunting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whistling is underlined!

The first stop on their outdoors adventure was a nearby stream. The weather outside was bordering on frigid, but Carl hadn’t once complained about it. Eli was proud of him for it, but being out for a few days might change his tune. Once they arrived at the stream, Eli turned to explain what she and Carl were going to be doing.

_ -So, we have to take this mud here, and as much dirt and debris as we can, and smear it all over ourselves. Make sure you get the skin under your clothes as well as the exposed areas.- _

_ -Why do we need to do everywhere?- _

Carl honestly wanted to learn and understand. The prospect of rolling in mud didn’t seem very appetizing, but if Eli had a reason, he would do it.

_ -If we don’t get our skin, our smell will bleed through our clothes. It’s not pleasant but it is necessary.- _

Eli put down her pack and pulled her sweater and long sleeved shirt over her head. She remained in her tank top, for modesty, and dragged off her pants. Carl blushed, and tried to look anywhere else. Eli snapped her fingers to get his attention.

_ -Hey, we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other than either of us would like in the next couple days. Better get used to it. Now pay attention.- _

Carl swallowed and did his best to ignore Eli’s state of undress. God, it was super weird for him. It was like seeing your mom mostly naked, something you hoped to never walk in on. Taking a deep breath, he focused back on her. She was standing on the bank of the stream, socks still on and sunk into the mud there. He glanced at her torso rather than her toes and blinked. Was that-

_ -Okay, so we’re rolling in this mud because of this.-  _ She pointed down.

Carl tore his eyes away from her and looked down again. Squinting, he took a step closer.

_ -What is it? Are those tracks?- _

_ -Very good!- _ Eli praised.  _ -This is an area that deer and other animals come to get fresh water. The tracks are relatively recent, which means the water itself is safe to drink.- _

_ -What do you mean by safe?- _ Carl’s face was screwed up in confusion.

Eli regarded him for a moment. He probably hadn’t had to worry about tainted water thus far. 

_ -If I walker falls into a body of water, it will poison it. The longer the walker sits, the more tainted the water is.- _

Carl nodded in understanding.

_ -That happened back on the Greene farm. There was a walker in a well and Glenn went down to try and get it out. He nearly died too.- _

She blinked, not so blind to the world after all. 

_ -You didn’t drink from the well after he got it out, did you? The water would still be bad.- _

_ -It didn’t matter, Glenn ripped it in half. It was really gross.- _

Eli wheezed out a laugh. That painted quite the picture. She was getting rather cold standing out exposed like she was. Time to move on with the lesson.

_ -Okay, enough chatter. Pay attention.- _

She sunk down to sit cross legged in the mud, shivering against the cold. Carl watched as she scooped handfuls of it and rubbed it deep into her skin. By the time she was done, she was streaked in nearly black silt and her hair was a matted mess. Her whole body was shaking and Carl found himself hesitant to follow her lead. Eli rose quickly and pulled on her long sleeved shirt and pants. Bracing herself, she sunk back into the bank and smeared more foul smelling mud over those clothes. Finally her sweater, which she soaked in the mud prior to putting on. Her teeth chattered viciously and her lips were tinged just this side of blue. 

_ -Your turn.- _ Her hands shook.

Carl took a deep breath and shucked his clothes. Off went his jacket and sweatshirt, followed by his shirt. After a pointed look from Eli, he shed his pants as well. If seeing Eli in a state of undress was bad, this was terrible. Nothing more embarrassing than standing in just your underwear before a pretty woman. Even if she was covered in mud and a parental figure, it sucked. Carl did his best to get it over with quickly, following Eli’s demonstration to the letter. Once his clothes were back on, she rushed to him and rubbed his arms and chest roughly, trying to bring warmth back to his body.

_ -I’m alright-  _ He signed shakily.

Eli squeezed him tight in a hug and released him.

_ -You’re doing very well. Provided it doesn’t rain, you won’t have to do this again while we’re out here. Now comes the gross part.- _

Carl gulped and suppressed another shiver. Eli turned him around so he was facing the forest. With speed and efficiency, she squatted down and relieved her bladder in the mud. When she was done, she yanked her pants and underwear back up and turned the boy back to face her. His face was red as a tomato, having heard what she was doing.

_ -I know, I told you it was gross. Now you have to do it too.- _

_ -Why?- _ He was going to do it, but he wanted to understand.

_ -Think about it Carl. This is a place a lot of animals travel through to get water. We’ve hidden our smells for the most part. But if our prey recognizes our smell and comes to associate it with safety and water, that should help us out.- _

_ -Okay, but you need to turn around as well!- _

Eli huffed.

_ -Of course. I’ll give you as much privacy as we can afford out here.- _

Without further ado, she turned away and kept watch on the woods. Carl finished as quickly as he could, and they were off.

Moving around helped bring back the warmth in their limbs and Carl was grateful for Eli’s fast clip. But she was ahead of him and he needed to ask her something. Daryl had taught him a couple of whistles right after Sophia had disappeared. He’d warned the boy that if he got lost in the woods, his best bet was to whistle. Screaming and yelling would draw the wrong kind of attention. But Daryl had the sharpest ears of anyone and could hear a whistle from quite a distance. An ache spread in his chest. Weirdly enough, he found himself missing the man. Daryl had gone off for days on end before, but this time felt different. Maybe it was because he’d been gone so long and with his dad no less. Or maybe it was because he was out here with Eli doing something he’d asked to do with the hunter. Either way, he whistled to get Eli’s attention.

Wait.

She paused. Carl caught up to her in a few strides and took a moment to breathe before signing.

_ -What are we going to do first?- _

Eli blinked. So far, she’d been following the tracks of what she thought might be a rabbit. Guilt struck her. She hadn’t told Carl what they were doing, had almost forgotten he was with her. Being outside again, covered in mud and completely in her element, made her forget herself. 

_ -See here,-  _ she gestured towards the trail she was following.  _ -These are the tracks of a rabbit. I thought maybe we could start off small, catch some food for dinner.- _

_ -Well it might be easier than you think.- _

Eli raised a muddy eyebrow. Carl smiled, the sludge on his face cracking slightly.

_ -We’re headed towards one of Daryl’s traps, that’s probably where the rabbit is.- _

Carl looked so proud of himself for know that bit of information that Eli couldn’t help but smile. It didn’t escape her notice either that Carl had signed ‘daddy d’ for Daryl, even without Judith here. Rather than comment, she swept her hand forward.

_ -Well lead the way!- _

The boy suppressed a giggle and navigated through the trees. Sure enough, a rabbit was caught in one of the hunter’s snares. Eli reached down to untangle it, feeling it’s body for warmth as well. The rabbit wasn’t yet cold and rigor mortis hadn’t set in either. 

_ -Good eye Carl, let’s check the rest of the traps and then I’ll teach you how to clean an animal.- _

Carl nodded eagerly and they continued on their way.

 

\---------------------------

 

By the time the sun was setting in the sky, Carl was exhausted. Eli was faring a bit better, but it had still been some time since she’d had to work this hard. She pulled Carl aside.

_ -We should stop for the night. Do you have your rope?- _

Carl nodded in the scant light. It was going to be even more difficult to converse with Eli once the sun went down. The trees were thick here and not much slipped through their branches. Eli signed at him, giving off quick instructions. 

_ -Okay, I’m going to go up first. If you hear anything out of the ordinary, you whistle. Hold my pack.- _

Carl took the proffered bag and kept watch. There were three rabbits dangling from the straps , skinned and rubbed down in some salt. Eli said it should keep it from rotting before they got back to the prison. He shifted his gaze from the darkening trees to Eli, trying to watch what she was doing. The woman was crouched slightly, knees bent and feet spread. Her eyes were focused on a branch a couple feet out of arm's reach. In a single moment, she leapt up and grasped hold of the sturdy limb. Her first instinct was just to do a chin up and mount the thing, but glancing down, she knew Carl wouldn’t be able to manage it. He was strong, but muscles to run and take down walkers were very different from climbing ones. She held tight with one hand and signed down to him quickly.

_ -Watch.- _

Carl was surprised she kept her grasp like that but nodded to show he was paying attention. Eli wrapped her hands around the branch again and locked her fingers tight together. She swung her hips a bit, getting momentum to connect her feet with the trunk of the tree. With ease, she walked her legs up until she could wrap one around the branch. She hooked that foot around the underside and hoisted herself up. Eli straddled the branch and leaned down to Carl.

_ -You see? The hardest part is the jump. Hand me the stuff.- _

Carl did as he was told, passing up both packs. It took him several tries, but he eventually grabbed onto the branch. Eli had moved up one, not wanting to threaten the integrity of their perch. Carl huffed and looked up at her. He was hanging, but it looked like he wouldn’t last much longer. All the consecutive jumps had taken a good deal out of him. 

_ -Come on now Carl, swing your legs and walk up the tree. Once you’re up you can rest. If you fall down you’ll have to do it all again. Get up here so we can sleep.- _

Carl let out a soft groan but did as she said. He was just pulling his body up when he felt her reach down and tug him upright. He opened his mouth to complain but snapped it shut again when he remembered his promise.

_ -I didn’t think it would be that hard.- _

_ -It’s a different group of muscles, that’s all. Mine are used to this sort of thing. This was my life for well over a year and everyday I would climb up and down trees.- _

She moved away from him, climbing up farther. It was much easier now, they weren’t eight feet apart. Carl followed at a slower pace, still tired and not wanting to be on the same limb as her. They were both very light, but there was no telling if it would hold. Once they were a good distance up, Eli gestured for Carl to sit on the branch beside hers. He did as instructed. Eli pulled out the rope from his pack and rested it in her lap.

_ -I’m going to tie you to the tree now. I want you to pay attention so you know what to do.- _

_ -Why do you need to tie me?- _

Eli smiled slightly.

_ -Your parents ever sing you nursery rhymes? Rock-a-bye baby, in the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby, cradle and all.- _

Eli swayed as she signed, mouthing the words with a distant smile on her face. Carl smirked.

_ -So we’re the babies in this story?- _

She snorted.

_ -More or less. Now hush so I can strap you in.- _

The light was definitely fading now and Carl strained his eyes to see what she was doing. Eli looped the rope around the tree once, then around his waist twice. Once more around his chest, pulling that one relatively tight. She left his legs free and tied the end of his rope to her own torso. 

_ -Why are you tying us together?- _ Carl was curious.

_ -If something happens to you, I need to know immediately. My knots won’t fail, but I need to be sure. You’re very important to me. I’d hate to see you hurt.- _

He blushed at her words, thankful that it was too dark to notice. Eli tied herself in and settled down. It wasn’t comfortable, not in the least. Carl struggled to find a position with his limited range of movement that didn’t cause him pain. The sky was dark now, the ground below mysterious and distant. Eli reached over to sign to Carl. His eyes had grown accustomed by then to the dark, but he could only see a few feet ahead of himself.

_ -Pull in your knees. It’ll take pressure off your tailbone. If you lift up a bit, you can slide your pack underneath your butt. Take out your blanket first, it gets very cold at night.- _

Carl hastened to follow her advice, finding a small amount of relief once he was done. Eli had her pack strapped to the branch above them and her blanket wrapped around her legs. 

_ -How did you do it Eli?- _

_ -Do what?- _

_ -Survive out here, all by yourself. We’ve only been out for a day and I’m already sore and tired. It’s getting cold too, but it’s not winter yet. You said you were out for more than a year. How did you do it?- _

Eli didn’t say anything for a few minutes. She was so still, Carl feared she’d fallen asleep. He watched her closely and sighed in relief when she turned to look at him. 

_ -Is it going to be a trade?- _

He blinked, that bad then. Eli didn’t make him give up his secrets unless she had to tell him something painful. Carl nodded.

_ -I almost didn’t make it. That story I told you about having to eat pinecones was not a one time event. There are a lot of plants in the forest that you can eat, but once the frost sets in, it gets harder. It was spring when I first ended up out there. The group I was with turned out to be assholes. Thought that they could claim whatever they wanted. Even people. They mostly kept it hidden from me, but I stumbled in on something I shouldn’t have and I ran. They hadn’t ever been good to me, but they hadn’t ever tried anything bad either. I won’t tell you what I saw, but it was gruesome. I hid in the forest. They were all a bunch of blundering idiots. Only the leader was any good at tracking, but I’m good at hiding.- _

Carl reached over, wanting to offer comfort to Eli. He couldn’t very well hold her hand, so he held the edge of her blanket instead. She realized what he was doing and gave him a soft pat.

_ -Anyways. Spring was pretty good, I had my knife, my gun and enough ammo to last me a while. I slept in trees and hunted during the day. When I fled, I only had the clothes on my back and my weapons. I drank out of streams. But summer was difficult. The streams dried up and I couldn’t find water. I kept heading south, hoping to find something. Eventually I stumbled on a small pond. I didn’t dare drink from it though, not until I was sure it was safe. I waited nearly three days before a pack of raccoons showed up. I’ll tell you Carl, I all but drowned in that damn water trying to quench my thirst. Fall wasn’t so bad, but it got real cold, just like this at night. I didn’t have a blanket or a rope. I fell out of many trees before I got used to half sleeping.- _

Carl felt so much sorrow for the things Eli went through. He often found the beds at the prison to be uncomfortable and the air frigid. He was ashamed to admit he’d even complained about it on more than one occasion. But Eli never once said a word. Not about anything. Her story explained why. Any bed would be a thousand times better than a tree. 

_ -And then winter.-  _ Eli wasn’t done yet.  _ -Winter was the worst. By now I was out of ammo and I’d tossed my gun. It is very difficult to catch animals with makeshift traps and even harder to get them with a knife. I lost a lot of weight during winter. The good thing was the snow. There was always water to be had, even if I had to melt it in my mouth. But the snow had obvious drawbacks. I’d managed to keep my boots, even though they were in tatters. I was never more grateful for them than when I had to trudge through snow. I would have lost toes to frostbite without them. Pinecones, moss, anything I could find that was growing kept me fed.- _

_ -When did Carol find you?- _

Eli smiled at the thought. Imagine, if that woman had decided to crawl into any other tree, Eli wouldn’t be where she was today. Which, admittedly, was back in a tree, but this time she had somewhere to go back to. A warm bed and people who cared about her. 

_ -She found me in the summer. Not long before you met me. I wish she’d found me in the spring though.- _

_ -What happened?- _

_ -I ran into a herd of walkers. Now, throughout my time in the forest, I’d come across more than enough undead. But the most I had seen together was three. But this herd, there had to have been twenty at least. It was probably exhaustion, but I didn’t hear them coming. I put down seven before I realized I was overwhelmed. Frantic, I tried to take out a few more, but my knife got stuck. It was sunk so deep in a walker’s skull that I couldn’t pull it out. What was worse was that the thing kept moving. I didn’t hit it right. I tried to run, but got pulled down. I really thought it was the end for me. They had grabbed onto my legs, tangling their hands in my pants. The only way I could think to get away was to take them off. So I lost my pants, and my boots in the process. It was terrible. For nearly a month and a half I had nothing. My feet were torn to pieces, infected and swollen. I grew weaker, more hungry. By the time Carol found me, I thought I was going to die. She saved my life.- _

Eli let her hands fall to her lap. Carl reached out and entwined his fingers with hers. She really had been dealt a shitty hand. 

_ -I’m glad she found you.- _ Carl signed at last.  _ -I’m glad she found you and brought you back to us. She wasn’t supposed to come back at all. Dad sent her away, he said she killed two of our people. But if you hadn’t come back, the Governor would have killed Daryl. I don’t know what we’d do without him. Or what we’d do without you.- _

Carl had tears in his eyes but wouldn’t let them fall. He was happy dammit. Happy that he had his family, happy that no one else had died. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it, not after losing his mom. Eli stroked her fingers through his hair in comfort. They sat in silence, neither ready to talk. Eventually, Carl moved.

_ -Is it my turn?- _

Eli shook her head. 

_ -You don’t have to. We have all the time in the world for it to be your turn. Sleep now. When the sun comes up, we have to get back to hunting.- _

Carl sighed, in part relieved that he wouldn’t have to share. They settled in, Eli’s hand still nestled in his hair, and he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Next is Beth, hopefully I'll get that written, but there's only an hour and a half before the new episode is on the TV so no promises. Gotta see what tomfoolery Negan is up to.


	45. Baby Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth struggles to distract a very grumpy Judith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, It's wednesday!

Beth strolled along the fence with Judith in her arms. The baby was wrapped up snuggly in a hat and socks, swaddled in Daryl’s poncho. The man had left it behind when he had gone on the run with Rick and Beth figured he wouldn’t mind the baby borrowing it. At first, Judith had cried for her daddy and Daryl, but Eli had done a good job of distracting her. The woman had been a godsend in the absence of their leaders. She could be a nuisance at times, but for the most part she worked hard. Caring for Judith and Carl was always her first priority. Eli fed Judith and changed her, jumping to it before anyone else had the chance. It was evident how much she cared for the little girl.

But she and Carl had been gone for two days now on their hunt. Beth had been tasked with watching over Judith at Hershel’s suggestion and Eli’s request. Of course, she would have done it besides, but it seemed that much more important that they had asked her. Judith had been fussy. With Eli gone, she was no longer distracted from missing her fathers. Beth considered Daryl to be a father of sorts to the little girl. He’d been there for her first, after all. Fed her her first meal and soothed her for the first time. But now… Beth was going insane. Judith would not be calmed. She cried all day long, distracted only on occasion by the blonde. As a last resort, Beth had tried to wrap her in things that might remind her of her family. 

She had brought Judy up to the nest and it damn near broke her heart to see her little face scrunch up all over again. The toddler was very sad to be away from everyone. The way she signed daddy and mommy over and over again was a testament to that. Beth was tempted to sleep in the nest with Judith, just to ease the transition. But somehow it felt wrong to her. So she’d grabbed Daryl’s poncho and a pair of Eli’s socks and scooted out of there. 

While she roamed the fence, she talked to Judith. The little girl watched her mouth move with unshed tears resting in her eyes. Whenever Beth paused to take a breath, her face would scrunch and the tears would threaten to fall. Honestly, Beth had never felt so useless. 

“And this is the fence that keeps you safe from being gobbled up by icky walkers,” she spoke nonsense, talking about nothing at all to distract Judith. “People come out and poke them so too many don’t build up. Usually your daddy does it-”

Judith’s eyes sparkled dangerously and she signed daddy repeatedly, latching onto that one word.

“Oh baby!” Beth rushed to fix her mistake, “I didn’t mean- Oh no, don’t cry! Look! Look over there! Look at the pretty sky and the nice clouds and the sun is out and please don’t cry Judy.”

Judith appeared to be holding onto her tears by the skin of her teeth. She followed Beth’s wide gestures with her eyes. For a moment at least. Her gaze latched onto something behind the blonde and she moved her lips slightly. Hope flared in Beth’s chest. Were Rick and Daryl back? Or maybe Eli and Carl? Really she’d take whoever she could get at this point. She turned to greet whoever it was, a desperate smile floating on her lips. That smile dimmed slightly when she saw who it was.

“Don’t look so disappointed to see me.”

“Michonne,” Beth said wearily. “It’s not that, I just thought you were,” she covered one of Judith’s ears with her free hand, “R-I-C-K or E-L-I.”

Judith peered up at Michonne with wet eyes.

“‘Chonne,” she breathed, voice a tiny bit sticky from crying.

Both women stared at her. Beth was the first to react, holding the toddler up in the air and spinning in a circle. She pressed kisses all over her face and head, the baby letting out a giggle at her antics.

“Judy! You big girl! That was your first word!”

Michonne continued to stare at the pair dancing in front of her. Something foreign flitted over her face and disappeared. Beth stopped twirling and stepped closer to the older woman. 

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you proud of her? She’s gettin’ so big already.”

Michonne gave Beth a tight smile.

“Yes, good job Judith,” she spoke to the baby, taking a step back. “Pretty soon you’ll be able to say everyone’s names.”

The blonde noticed her slight retreat and frowned. Something wasn’t right.

“What’s wrong?” she asked softly.

Michonne shook her head. She didn’t have an answer to that question, but she had one of her own.

“Why did she say my name? Why not Eli’s?”

Beth’s face shattered and Michonne grimaced. Judith’s joy was extinguished in a second and she started making little wuffing noises. Not quite crying yet, but working up to it. Michonne rushed forward trying to stop the tears before they fell. She pulled funny faces, crossing her eyes and puffing her cheeks. Judith warbled softly, torn between wanting to giggle and wanting to throw a tantrum. It took several minutes to calm her down.

“Jeez, Michonne. Way to say a big no-no word!” Beth was only half teasing the woman, part of her pissed that she’d been so thoughtless.

The older woman at least had the decency to look contrite. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think. She’s been like this all week, hasn’t she?”

The blonde sighed. She was right after all. And of course Michonne hadn’t meant to upset Judith.

“Yeah, E-L-I was doing a good job of keeping her happy. But now with her and C-A-R-L gone as well as the guys, Judy’s barely keeping it together. It’s not like her. The boys have been out on runs before and she never made a fuss.”

“It’s probably just that they’ve all been interacting with her more. R-” Michonne stopped herself when she caught Beth’s look. “Our fearless leader hadn’t been very close with her, at least as far as I could see. He spent much more time with his boy than her. And our resident redneck has certainly opened up more, especially around Judith. That and how your friend’s been snuggling with her for the past week… She’s probably lonely.”

Beth pouted.

“You’re not lonely, are you Judith. You’ve got me!” She bounced the little girl lightly on her hip.

Judith hiccuped a little laugh and snuggled into her chest. Beth grinned at Michonne. The older woman rolled her eyes, getting the point. 

“Well, then she just misses them. She’s been hitting a lot of developmental milestones lately, walking, signing. Hell, she just said her first word. Our lil’ asskicker is growing up, and as a result she’s growing more cognisant of her surroundings. The more she notices, the more she’ll miss when it’s gone.”

Beth regarded the woman thoughtfully.

“You know a lot about this kind of stuff. How’d you get so smart?”

Michonne blushed, her skin growing dark around her cheeks. She was suddenly very aware of how close she and Beth were standing, and stepped back again.

“You first. Why’d Judith say my name instead of anything else she’s heard?”

Now it was Beth’s turn to blush. Her face lit up in embarrassment and she stuttered hard while responding.

“W-well, it’s not like there’s much to look at around here. I-I mean, I’ve been talking to her a lot today and you’re the only one in the yard. And- well- I’ve been tellin’ her stories about what you’re doin’ and I keep sayin’ your name so she knows who you are.” Beth’s southern twang made itself known in her nervousness. 

As if to prove a point, Judith turned sleepily towards the older woman with her arms outstretched.

“Chonne,” she lisped. 

Michonne smiled at the little girl and Beth, but she didn’t reach out her arms to take Judith.

“You’ve been watching me? I don’t know if I should be flattered or wary. Your fighting skills have been approving after all.”

Beth felt like she could crawl in a hole and die. Honestly she couldn’t believe she told Michonne she’d been watching her all day. God, what a stupid thing to admit. To distract the woman, she tried to hand off Judith. The little girl was still reaching for her after all. Michonne’s smile slipped a little bit.

“Sorry baby girl, I’ve gotta get going. The field isn’t gonna weed itself.”

With that, she turned and strode away from the pair while Beth watched in confusion. What the hell just happened? Judith didn’t seem so perturbed. The baby just turned her face back into Beth’s chest and yawned. The blonde cuddled her closer and turned to head inside. Seemed like both girls could use a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to the men, but I'm almost here. Literally in two chapters. The one after this one will be up in a minute. The men will be here by Sunday, maybe sooner. 
> 
> There's some stuff going on here in America that made my heart hurt, so I'm trying to figure out how my life's going to play out for the next four years. I tried writing all afternoon yesterday, but was distracted by the election. 
> 
> I'll post the Rick/Daryl/Eli (not necessarily slash, just has them all) chapter by Sunday! For reals!


	46. (Mis)Adventure! Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl and Eli stalk their prey, little do they know that they're being stalked as well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Wednesday!

_ -Eli, look.-  _ Carl signed, excitement radiating through his fingers.

She turned towards the direction he was indicating. There, maybe a dozen yards upwind of them was a small family of deer. A doe, two fawns, and a beautiful buck were poised in a small clearing. They hadn’t yet noticed Carl and Eli’s presence. 

_ -Wait.- _ Eli signed.

Carl had been leveling his gun in their direction. At Eli’s command, he paused, lowering the weapon. He turned to her in confusion. She smiled softly.

_ -We don’t kill the babies, they need to grow up and get big enough first. If you’re up for it, I’d like to try for the buck. If not, we can follow the doe.- _

Carl thought it over. It would be more of a challenge to go for the buck. But he would be so proud if they managed to get it. Daryl would bring him on more hunts for sure if he proved himself on this one. Another issue was time. It was early morning and they needed to be back by evening. They’d been gone for three days now. It was safe to say that Carl was missing his bed, although Eli seemed content out here. A grin spread over the boy’s face.

_ -Let’s get the buck!- _

_ -That’s my boy!- _ Eli clapped him on the back.

The sound was soft, but apparently enough to alert the deer. The family looked up, ears perked in their direction. Eli and Carl held very still. The doe must’ve sensed them, because she and the fawns bolted to the left. The buck startled but split off to the right. Carl started to rise in chase but Eli yanked him back down.

_ -Deer are incredibly fast. Much faster than we are. Our best bet is to let it run a bit, track it, and then get downwind again. Think we can manage it?- _

Carl nodded, trusting Eli’s experience. It took them a while, mostly because she’d decided to let him track it, but they found the buck. He’d come to rest near the edge of a sharp drop off. The pair were crouched down in the bushes nearby, stalking their prey. Eli hoped to herself that the deer wouldn’t roll down once they shot it. Lugging a nearly 200 pound animal uphill was not her idea of a good time. 

_ -Whenever you’re ready Carl. Line up the shot, get it straight through the head. You don’t want to hear the noise a deer makes when it’s hurt. And you especially don’t want it to get away.-  _ Eli moved her hands slowly, barely stirring a breath of air.

He nodded, taking a deep breath and holding it. When he brought his gun back up, Eli watched him carefully. Carl’s hands were shaking, just the slightest tremor and a bead of sweat had welled up at his temple. The story Daryl had told her came to mind. Eli frowned and reached to lay a hand on the small of his back. He exhaled, glancing towards her. 

_ -This isn’t like before. It’s just us, no one else. I’ll keep you safe.- _

He nodded. Another breath and Carl was transformed. Eli watched in complete awe as he locked away all emotion. His spine straightened, hands steady and wrapped firmly around the gun. There was a cold glint in his eye. A shiver ran down Eli’s spine. In this moment, Carl was gone, replaced by something ferocious and terrifying. It dawned on her, this was the loss of innocence. The very moment that her beautiful, wonderful boy slipped into this ruthless persona, she could see nothing  _ good  _ in his face.

A muffled shot, and the buck crumpled. It was over in a second, before Eli could even blink. Carl jumped from his hiding place, whooping with joy. It was like a switch. In an instant, the horror Eli had seen reflected in his eyes was gone, replaced once more by childlike wonder. And it seemed he’d forgotten himself, since he was cheering as loud as can be. Eli grinned, still crouched, and rose to congratulate him. 

_ -You’ve done an amazing job! I’m very proud of you!- _

Thankfully, he remembered himself, signing in answer to her praise.

_ -Oh man that was awesome. For a second I didn’t think I would be able to do it. I got it good too, just like you said. It didn’t even realize we were here.- _

Eli just smiled at him, pleased that he took pride in his skill, even if it had scared her the slightest bit. She wrapped an arm around his waist and he wrapped his around her shoulders. Carl was grinning ear to ear. They made their way lazily towards the deer. A few feet from the buck, a terrible feeling spread through Eli’s gut. The smile slid from her lips and Carl’s face grew troubled. From their left, a group of three walkers stumbled into the clearing, one a breadth from reaching Carl. Eli shoved the boy hard, signing a quick  _ -run- _ before ripping her hunting knife from its sheath and plunging it into the walker’s head. 

Carl landed hard, tearing the skin on his arm. The blood drew the remaining walkers towards him as Eli tried desperately to yank her blade back out of the first. When it became clear that it would not budge, she abandoned the weapon to tackle the walker nearest Carl. It went down and immediately struggled to bite her. She held it at bay, it’s rotting flesh slipping around her fingers. Using all the self control she could muster, Eli forced her legs up against the corpse’s chest and kicked hard. The motion was enough to dislodge it. Quick as could be, Carl darted into view, thrusting his hunting knife into it’s head. Eli was bewildered, hadn’t she told him to run? Before she could dwell, Eli watched in horror as Carl fell under the walker’s weight. He was trapped and the third was heading straight for him, enticed by the scuffle and fresh blood. 

Eli dragged herself up, using every last bit of her strength to attack the thing before it could get too close to the boy. She wrapped her arms around it’s body from behind, retching from the stink of it. The walker stumbled and Eli was too exhausted to hold them both up. One step, then another. Carl watched terrified as they plunged off the face of the drop. With no small amount of effort, he wriggled from beneath the fallen walker and crawled towards the precipice. At the bottom, Eli lay still in a pool of dark blood. 

“Eli?” his voice cracked from disuse. “Eli!” 

Carl felt tears well up in his eyes. He was just about to call out to her again when he saw her chest heave. Her eyes cracked open and she gave him a weak smile. In her right hand was a rock, bits of brain matter clinging to it’s rough surface. She waved it ruefully and gestured to the prone body of the walker beside her. 

_ -Just catching my breath love. I need a moment.- _

Carl’s heart unclenched and he let out a near hysterical laugh. He wiggled around, as if to slide down the hill to Eli, but she held up a hand to stop him. 

_ -It’s not very far down, but it’s very steep. If you come down here, we might not both be able to get up.- _

“What-”

_ -Hey- _ Eli cut him off.  _ -Sign language only. There could be more.- _

Carl nodded, mentally berating himself for slipping up again. It was after all his fault that these three had come. Had he not gotten so excited and cheered so much, they wouldn’t have been drawn to them. 

_ -What do you mean? Both of us?- _

Eli frowned and gestured to her ankle. She winced slightly as she tugged up her pant leg. The area was already bruising and looked painfully swollen. Carl swallowed hard.

_ -It’s not broken, don’t worry. It’s just sprained. I’ll be alright, I just don’t think I can make it up the hill on my own.- _

He nodded.

_ -How do I get you up?- _

_ -Go get the ropes from our bags. Tie one to a tree and your waist. Wrap the other one around the one around your waist twice and toss me one end. We’re going to jury rig ourselves some belaying equipment.- _

Carl stood up on shaky legs. The adrenaline was wearing off then. He found their packs, snagging his gun from the ground in the process. He tucked that into his holster and scurried to do as Eli had instructed. Once that was done, he waited for Eli to stand. She did so with difficulty, probably still worn from wrestling with the dead. It took much longer than Carl was expecting to pull her up. He wasn’t doing much work, just pulling and tightening the rope as Eli climbed. She signed that his job was very important. If he left any slack in the rope and she slipped, she’d go straight back to the bottom again. When she was finally topside, the pair embraced each other. One final squeeze and Eli pulled back to speak.

_ -You beautiful boy. Why didn’t you run? I told you to run!- _

Carl gulped and looked down at his feet.

_ -It was my fault that they were here. They wouldn’t have found us if I hadn’t been yelling. I wasn’t going to leave you to clean up my mess.- _

_ -Silly child. It’s my job to clean up your messes. I’m here to take care of you. Although I wouldn’t have survived if you hadn’t intervened with that second one. Thank you Carl. But why didn’t you shoot them?- _

Carl blushed at the unexpected praise. Usually when he did things as stupid as this he just got yelled at, no matter his intentions.

_ -I dropped it. When you pushed me out of the way it went flying. I didn’t want to put it away just in case I didn’t actually kill the buck. You said it was better not to let them suffer.- _

Eli squeezed him tight again. She hadn’t worded it quite like that, but if that’s how Carl took it, who was she to disagree. Speaking of the buck…

_ -Oh thank god, the deer isn’t spoiled.- _

She limped over to examine it. Sure enough, other than a bullet hole straight through the brain, the animal was untouched. Safe to eat then. Carl laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Minutes ago, he and Eli had nearly been bitten. Eli had fallen down a cliff, albeit a small one, and almost broken her ankle. Turning to Carl, she eyed him critically.

_ -We aren’t going to be able to carry this back. Not with my foot like this.- _

The boy looked crestfallen. They’d work so hard to track the damn thing and now… Eli snapped her fingers to get his attention.

_ -So, you’re gonna string it up in a tree so nothing can get it and I’m gonna stay here to guard it.- _

Carl opened his mouth to object, snapping it shut when Eli raised a finger in warning. 

_ -But I can’t just leave you here-  _ he argued  _ -what if more walkers come?- _

Eli limped towards one of the corpses and wrenched her knife free from it’s skull. Brandishing it, she grinned.

_ -Well I’ll fight them off! We didn’t do all this groundwork to waste a perfectly good buck. Let me bandage your arm up and then you’re gonna run back to camp. Get one of the men, maybe two, and bring them back. You-  _ she pointed at him _ -are not getting out of carrying our prize, but I may need help getting back. I’ll be fine with some rest, but for now it’s best to make haste. I don’t want to be out for another night and it’s past noon now.- _

Carl stepped closer, allowing Eli to wrap his arm in some clean strips of cloth from her bag. She smeared some walker guts around the bandages, just as an added layer of protection from walkers. Carl and Eli strung up the buck, pulling it high above their heads. Thank god they’d brought the rope. Who knows where they would be without it. Carl stole one last hug from Eli.

_ -Alright, enough of this. I need a shower. Go back and grab a couple guys. Maybe Tyreese and Glenn. Hell, doesn’t have to be men, just bring back someone. Be safe. Just run, don’t stop for anything. I’ll be waiting.- _

Carl took a deep breath.

“Love you,” he blurted.

Eli’s smile was so sweet, it distracted from the walker guts strewn over her body.

_ -Love you too my sweet boy.- _

Carl bounded away. Once she was alone, Eli slid down to sit on the ground. Fuck, her ankle hurt. The damn thing was throbbing horribly. She’d put on a brave face for Carl, but every step up the hill had sent shooting agony up her leg. It would be fine with some rest, maybe something cold to put on it. But for now, she allowed herself to wallow in self pity. Hopefully Carl would be back soon. She could handle a couple walkers, but more than that would be an issue. A drop of deer blood fell on her face. She grimaced. Gross.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super sleepy so I apologize for any mistakes. Bedtime is 10pm (it's 11:20 currently) for me the working woman. I gotta get up at 5 to be to work for 6am so I try not to stay up too late. But I promised you guys some stories so I will get you some stories!!
> 
> Still no Rick or Daryl return. But next chapter. In the like third sentence they're back. I got such big and exciting things planned for this story. I'll be updating on Sunday! Stay tuned for more!
> 
> Comment if you'd like, I thoroughly enjoy them, especially reading them at work when I'm being driven bananas by my coworkers. 
> 
> I'm super tired and rambling. Goodnight! All mistakes are me. No beta!


	47. Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl finally come back, only to find that Eli is gone. Carl leads them into the forest to retrieve her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not Sunday! But it's almost Sunday.  
> So I got you this gift

“They’re back!” a voice rang out in the yard. 

At once, people started streaming out of the prison and congregating by the gates. Michonne and Glenn hurried to let the van in. It wasn’t often that the scavengers got such a warm welcome, but it wasn’t often that they were gone for so long. Rick pulled the van to a stop and turned off the engine. He and Daryl had a very serious talk on the way back, about Eli, them, everything really. Daryl knew he had to apologize and it was at the top of his list. Rick gazed at him, ice blue eyes meeting stormy seas.

“You ready?” he murmured.

Daryl dragged in a deep breath and held it. On the release, he gave a firm nod and threw open the door. 

“Daryl!” several voices greeted him with enthusiasm.

“Oh Rick! Daryl! Thank god you’re back!” Beth called, trying to worm her way to them through the crowd. 

Both men turned to her, minds alert. She was carrying Judith and batting at people in her way with one hand. The baby was distracted, peering at everyone and babbling nonsense. Once Beth was in reaching distance of the men, she turned. The moment Judith laid eyes on her daddies, she lost it. Big fat tears welled up and rolled steadily down her chubby cheeks. She signed for them furiously, grabbing at them in desperation. Daryl reached her first and plucked her from Beth’s arms. The relief on the blonde’s face spoke volumes of how her week had been.

“Hey sweetheart,” Daryl soothed. “Did you miss us? Huh? Can’t be away from your daddy for more than a few days before you start drivin’ people up the wall. That’s right, my lil’ asskicker.”

Rick stepped to the pair and wrapped a lazy arm around Daryl’s waist. So caught up in greeting Judith, the hunter didn’t notice it. A few curious eyes caught it, but wisely, no one commented. Rick stroked his fingers over his daughter’s soft cheeks, wiping tears away.

“Hey Judy. You been a good girl while we were gone? Don’t cry now, we’re back, safe and sound. I bet you had all sorts of fun with Carl and Eli.”

Beth shook her head, and clapped a hand over her mouth. Judith started to fuss again, signing C and Mama Eli. Her little face swiveled around, trying to locate them. Beth spoke from behind her fingers.

“I wish you hadn’t said that. They aren’t back yet.”

Immediately, the stance of the men shifted. No longer were they carefree and relaxed. Rick pulled his arm away from Daryl, his fingers trailing over his python instead. Daryl shifted Judith to a more protected position, tucked into his side. The baby’s lip quivered, but she held back her tears. To distract herself, she wound tiny fingers into Daryl’s greasy hair. The man didn’t even flinch when she tugged too hard.

“What do you mean Beth?” Daryl’s voice was low and dangerous. 

She gulped, and stepped back slightly. Before she could get an answer out, a voice called from behind her.

“Boys, you’re back.” Hershel came limping into view, leaning on his crutches. “Now, before you work yourselves into a tizzy, let me explain to you what happened. I’m gonna need to sit, so y’all better find me a chair. And you, gawkers!” he pointed accusingly at the bystanders. “That van ain’t gonna unload itself!”

The group laughed, the tension broken and moved to follow the old man’s command. Anxiety still clung tightly to Rick and Daryl. They were grateful when Tara came towards them with a chair in hand. She set it down a ways off from the van and mock saluted. Hershel chuckled at her antics. That girl…

“Now,” he eased himself down. “Eli came to me three days ago with a case of cabin fever. Daryl, you know all about that.”

He gave the hunter a pointed look. Blushing, he nodded. Yeah, he knew about it. Did a lot more runs and went on a lot more hunts than he needed to as a result. He turned and handed Judith over to Rick before sitting down in the dirt. His leg was much better, but being stuck in the van for several hours had left some soreness. Daryl rubbed at his calf irritably. Hershel watched with veiled concern, but chose to proceed with his explanation.

“So she was makin’ a menace of herself, not on purpose mind you. Just doin’ too much too fast and in too many places. Carol was goin’ insane. So Eli asks if she can go on a hunt.”

“And you let her?” Rick asked in disbelief. 

It was one thing to let Daryl go off, he’d been hunting for his entire life. But Eli, the woman still didn’t have any damn shoes!

“Don’t you take that tone with me Rick,” Hershel scolded. “Eli survived just fine in the forest for well over a year before Carol found her. And who knows what she did before that! She’s a grown woman and she wanted to go out. Besides, even if I had told her no, we all know she would have gone anyways. Woman’s stubborn as a mule.”

Both men had to chuckle at that. She certainly was, no doubt about it. Judith giggled along with them, pushing her fingers through Rick’s beard.

“Where’d she go?” Daryl queried.

“Well, that’s the thing of it. I’m not really sure. Turns out we had a sneak listening in on our private conversation. I’ll give you three guesses.”

“Carl…” Rick groaned. That boy.

“Bingo. He wanted to go, said you showed him some of your traps, Daryl. So Eli asked me and I told her it was up to her. I figured you would be fine with that Rick. She’s really stepped up, been good for Carl since she’s been here. Eli swore to keep him safe, I know she will.”

Hershel gave him a meaningful look. Rick hesitated for a moment. With his next exhale, he deflated a bit. He wasn’t happy about Carl being out there. But aside from himself and Daryl, Eli was the safest person for him to be with. And she had experience with surviving by herself. Daryl reached out and rested his hand on Rick’s ankle. His reassuring presence calmed him further. 

“You’re right. She’s more than able to take care of herself. And I trust her with Carl. I mean what could possibly happen-”

“Dad!” a voice cried across the yard.

Carl hastily closed up the bolt hole in the fence and darted over to Rick and Daryl. Both men were startled by his sudden appearance. Daryl jumped to his feet, closing the distance between him and the boy. Carl ran straight into him, wrapping his arms tight around the hunter’s middle. Daryl was so shocked that for a split second he didn’t move. All at once, Daryl remembered himself and embraced the boy back. After a few moments, Carl pulled away. Rick had reached them by then and reached out a hand to ruffle his son’s hair. When he pulled it back, something wet and sticky was clinging to his fingers. Was that?

“Carl, why is there blood in your hair?” Rick felt the question leave his lips, but slowly, like water rolling off his tongue.

“Where’s Eli?” Daryl was more direct, speaking sharply.

“She’s fine,” Carl rushed to assure them. “But I need you two to help me get her.”

Judith squealed, only just noticing her big brother. He grinned at her, waving slightly. Carl didn’t dare reach for her, not covered in walker blood and brains. There were some things that babies shouldn’t put in their mouths. Rick backed up a few steps and transferred Judith to Hershel. The man waved them away, confident that whatever the issue was, they could handle it. 

“Anything you need me to do? Any stuff you guys wanted from your run?”

Daryl paused.

“Yeah, I got Eli some boots and clothes. Can you have Carol bring those down to the showers?”

“Of course. I’ll have her bring a set of clothes for each of you. Carl, you too.”

“You’ll hear no arguments from me,” he assured, “but we really need to go. She’s fine, but Eli wanted to be back before dark and she’s kind of far away.”

The men nodded and gestured for Carl to lead them away. They slipped from the yard, past the walkers outside the fence and into the calm of the forest. Daryl brought up the rear, crossbow raised and ready to fire. Carl was alert, but had his gun down by his side. 

“Where we goin’ kid?” Daryl’s gruff voice broke the silence, so sudden that Carl jumped.

He paused and turned with a frown on his face.

_ -Eli made a rule,- _ he signed,  _ -There’s no talking in the forest. Not unless she says it’s safe. She might not be here, but I’m gonna listen to her anyways. I think you should too.- _

Daryl was impressed. Silence was something he craved. Hell the only reason he hadn’t taken Carl on a hunt yet was because he was worried the boy would scare off their prey. But he was slipping between trees with grace. Occasionally he would stumble, or walk too heavily, but he was doing very well. Daryl noticed that his gaze was focused entirely on the ground. Quickening his step, the hunter pulled up beside him to talk.

_ -What are you doing Carl?- _

The boy glanced at his hands, slowing minutely. 

_ -Tracking. I figured if I could follow my steps back, I would find Eli faster.- _

Daryl squinted, just barely making out the tracks Carl was following. There was only one set though, although. 

_ -Those deer tracks?- _

Carl grinned stopping briefly to sign to Rick as well.

_ -I shot a buck!- _

His father ruffled his hair again in congratulations and Daryl looked mighty impressed.

_ -Well I’ll be damned. Leave you alone for a week and you bag yourself a deer.- _

_ -Good job son.- _ Rick’s signing was still a bit on the slow side, but he was catching up.

_ -No more talking, we do need to find her. She’s a little bit hurt so I don’t want to leave her be. She’s fine, she said so, but I’m worried is all. Let’s go.- _

Daryl and Rick exchanged looks. When the woman who walked around on infected feet for however long says she’s fine, they weren’t inclined to believe her. Fear was worming it’s way into their hearts. Eli wouldn’t lie to Carl, but she might bend the truth. 

Carl led their group deeper into the forest, moving very quickly. It wasn’t long before he successfully found the clearing he’d left Eli in.

_ -She’s around here somewhere, this is where I left her at least.- _

Uncertainty marred the boy’s features and Rick placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Daryl stalked forward, eyes searching for Eli. Panic slid through him when he didn’t immediately see her. He took a calming breath.

Where are you.

The sound of movement echoed around him. He strained his ears, trying to find the source.

Come find me.

Rick looked up sharply. Before he could stop himself, a loud laugh burst from his lips. Daryl swiveled around to look at him. He followed Rick’s eyes upwards. There she was. Eli had managed to pull herself into the tree alongside the buck. One leg was swinging from the branch she was perched on, the other propped up on a slightly higher one. Carl chuckled and waved up at her. 

_ -Looks like you found me.- _

“Sunshine,” Daryl breathed. “Get your ass down here.”

Rick grinned.

“Jeez darlin’, I know we smell, but I thought you’d miss us at least enough to come down and say hello.”

Eli snorted.

_ -Miss you, who said anything about missing you? We were doing just fine without you, weren’t we Carl.- _

The boy rolled his eyes. He figured it was safe to speak again since his dad and Daryl were.

“Yeah, except for a hysterical Judith and the amount of trouble Eli got into. You know she got scolded by six different people,  _ six _ . Without you guys around, she was goin’ stir crazy.”

Rick clapped Carl on the back.

“And what about you mister. You miss your old man at all?”

Carl blushed and glanced at Daryl. The hunter stared back curiously.

“I missed you both. It’s not the same without you guys.”

Eli whistled to get their attention again.

_ -He’s high maintenance, needs both his daddies around to be happy.- _

Carl groaned. Daryl tried to smile, but he was getting antsy. Why hadn’t Eli come down yet?

“Why don’t you come on down sunshine, got somethin’ I wanna talk to you about.”

Eli tilted her head curiously. Had Rick talked to him? She certainly hoped so, but…

_ -I’m going to need someone to catch me. I got up just fine, but my ankle’s a little fucked up right now. Landing on it might be problematic.- _

Daryl looked towards Rick. The older man gave him a nod of approval. The hunter stepped forward, positioning himself under Eli’s perch. Very carefully, she rolled herself off the branch and clung to it. Her legs hung down, dangling near Daryl’s chest. The man reached up. His biceps barely straining at all as he grasped Eli’s hips and lowered her down. Before her feet could touch the ground, he had wrapped his arms around her and was holding her close. She was startled at first, but melted into his embrace after the initial shock wore off. He buried his face in her neck, breathing her in.

“Missed you sunshine.”

She moved her lips against his ear, presumably saying the same to him. A second set of arms wrapped around her from behind, one hand slipping between her and Daryl’s bodies. Rick pressed up tight to them, slotting himself in close. Eli sighed, content and happy. This is what she’d missed. An awkward cough brought them back to reality.

“Um,” Carl grimaced, “Ew! I don’t want to see my parents like this.”

He wrinkled his nose. Rick laughed, hearty and full, the rumble reverberating through Eli’s spine and into Daryl’s body. They pulled apart, the hunter setting Eli down lightly. At her wince, he was quick to wrap an arm around her waist.

“What is it sunshine?”

_ -Nothing, sprained my ankle is all. It will be fine. We have to get the deer down and then we should head back. I think we all need a shower and warm bed.- _

“No arguments here darlin’. What do ya think Carl? Can we haul this back together?”

The boy nodded enthusiastically and set about lowering the buck to the ground. He and Rick tied its legs to a couple of sturdy branches and hoisted it up on their shoulders. Rick led the way, chattering with Carl the whole time. The boy was more than happy to talk about the hunt, especially after so long without a voice. Daryl and Eli hung back. It looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he chewed on his lip. Eli reached up, tugging at it until his teeth unclasped.

_ -What is it?- _

“Can you walk?”

Eli smiled slightly.

_ -That’s not what you want to ask me.- _

Daryl chuckled ruefully. 

“No. Can I carry you?”

The grin Eli bestowed on him was so bright that he was momentarily blinded. 

_ -Yes.- _

Daryl moved to sweep her up in his arms. A whoosh of air escaped Eli, causing her to let out a huffing laugh. The hunter didn’t smile, his face remained very serious. Rick and Carl were quite a ways ahead of them, at the very least out of earshot.

“I wanna talk to you about somethin’ Eli,” Daryl rumbled at last.

_ -I gathered as much. What is it?- _

Eli felt herself being held tighter. Something difficult then. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head against his chest. Part of her hoped that Daryl wasn’t trying to let her down gently. If he and Rick had discussed her desire to have a relationship with both of them… Well patience was a virtue. It took several more minutes of walking before the hunter had organized his thoughts enough to speak. 

“I wanted to say,” he swallowed, sweeping his nose through Eli’s hair for strength. “I’m sorry for bein’ a dick.”

Eli blinked. Well, that wasn’t what she was expecting. Maybe Rick hadn’t spoken to him yet. Still, this was a monumental moment! She had almost given up on expecting an apology, but here Daryl was surprising her. A beautiful smile spread across her face. Daryl was watching her carefully, eyes shifting between her and the forest. When she smiled, some of the tension left his shoulders. However, he wasn’t done yet. He only wanted to say this once and he wanted it to be sincere.

“I shouldn’t have ignored you. It’s not fair to you, I know that. And I shouldn’t have run away, after you,” he blushed, “yeah. That was fuckin’ dumb.”

Eli nodded, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw to show she understood. Daryl gulped against the sudden lump in his throat. Now came the really hard part.

“And I’m sorry for what I did. When I asked if we were good, I didn’t mean to say that you kickin’ my ass would be the end of it. Well, maybe I did.” Daryl sighed. “Usually that’s what it is, with me. Fight with someone, we both take it out on each other’s hides, and it’s done. No apologies needed.”

_ -But we weren’t fighting physically. You and I were doing a demonstration for the group. I was as gentle as I could be on you.- _

Daryl nodded, taking Eli’s words and listening to her. While he already figured this stuff out, it was important that he pay attention to how Eli was feeling about things. Part of an apology was hearing out the other person’s hurts.

“Yeah, I know that. You’re very,” he searched for the right word, “different, from what I’m used to.”

It seemed that he’d exhausted himself. This was probably the most heartfelt talk Daryl had had in a long time. Eli loved his honesty and that he’d dredged up the courage to explain himself as well. She would have accepted a simple ‘sorry’ but this went past this. This really proved to her that he’d thought about what had transpired between them. She squeezed his neck tight. 

_ -Thank you. This means a lot.- _

They were nearly back to the prison, Carl and Rick at the gates already. Daryl nodded. He knew it would be important to her, that’s why he’d done it. He would do anything for Eli. There was cheering up ahead, seems like the group had let the boys in. Daryl picked up the pace. They made it into the prison gates before any walkers could creep too close. 

“Wow!” someone was saying, “You guys caught a buck?”

Eli patted Daryl’s chest, asking to be set down. He did so very gently. Eli smiled at him in thanks and limped over to Carl. Once there, she wrapped an arm around the boy’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze.

_ -Carl shot it himself, straight through the brain, no mess or fuss.- _

Another cheer erupted from the group. Carl was grinning ear to ear, overjoyed with all the praise he was receiving. He leaned into Eli’s side.

“Couldn’t have done it without Eli, she showed me a lot. And! We had to tie it up in a tree so I could come get Dad and Daryl. She’s so smart! I learned a lot.”

Eli blushed and batted at the boy. 

_ -Regardless, Carl’s found the deer first and tracked it quite a distance into the forest.- _

Carl started regaling the group with tales of sleeping in trees and having to only use sign language for the entire three days. The longer she stood there, the more Eli wanted to go lie down. Her ankle was throbbing some kind of terrible. Something must have shown on her face, because Hershel made his way over to her and pulled her away from Carl.

“You alright there Eli?” he asked quietly.

Eli tilted her hand back and forth.

_ -Sprained my ankle. Nothing big.- _

Carl must have seen her signing because he switched the topic of his story telling.

“Oh my god, Eli is such a badass! Right after we got the buck, three walkers showed up. She got the first one, I got the second one, but the third one…”

Eli tuned him out, having been there when it happened. Hershel was listening with half an ear, but kept his focus on her. It looked like the woman could use a shower and then some rest. He turned to interrupt Carl.

“Alright, I’m sure everyone would love to hear more about your adventures Carl,” his eyes twinkled mischievously. “But right now, I think it’d be best if you four went and grabbed a shower. You all stink.”

A laugh rippled through the group, some holding their noses in jest. Carol stepped forward, hugging everyone tight. 

“I’ll clean the deer and we’ll have some venison for supper. Why don’t you go get cleaned up?”

Carl pouted, but nodded his acceptance. 

The four of them made their way inside. After a quick, but cold shower, they dressed in the clothes waiting for them and headed their separate ways. Rick hugged Eli close, donned in her new pants and boots in hand. Her ankle was a bit too sore to wear them, but she was grateful to have them. 

“I’m gonna go spend some time with Carl and Judith. It’s been a long time away from them.”

Eli nodded, loving that Rick still put his kids first. The man bent to press a kiss to her forehead, Carl making gagging noises in the background. 

_ -Go on, your babies are waiting for you. Judy’s been a menace all week. I expect she’s only gotten worse since Carl and I took off.- _

Rick nodded and headed off, Carl in tow. The boy waved back at Eli and Daryl. Once they were out of sight, the hunter turned to Eli.

“Need a lift?”

Eli grinned.

_ -My own personal chauffeur! But don’t head upstairs.- _

Daryl hoisted Eli up.

“Why?”

She blushed, her hands moving slow.

_ -I hope you don’t mind, but I moved the nest. It was getting pretty cold. I know you usually just pull it into the stairwell, but the dark- _

She shrugged, not wanting to point out her fears again.

_ -Anyways, I moved it to the far guard tower. Snagged another mattress too. It’s still chilly, but it’s inside and away from the elements. It’s separate from the group a little, but I know you like privacy so I thought that would be okay. Is it? If not, we can bring it all back.- _

Daryl smirked, it wasn’t like Eli to second guess herself.

“I’m sure it’ll be perfect sunshine. Let’s go check out the new nest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is juicy, I swear. I can't promise that it'll be out tomorrow. I've got a few real life things I have to get done between today and tomorrow, but I'm gonna try to get you the next chapter for tomorrow. 
> 
> Yay! We brought the boys home!
> 
> Stay tuned for more!


	48. Nesting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli reveals the new nest to Daryl, trying to feel out *wink wink* if he likes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I got it! Only 10 minutes past bedtime (12 min)

The sun had pretty much disappeared by the time Eli and Daryl had made it to the guard tower. It didn’t feel late, but late fall brought about early sunsets. Eli had asked the hunter to set her down at the top of the tower stairs. She was definitely nervous. Not only had she moved the nest, but she had rearranged it a bit. Daryl was watching her uncertainly, barely able to make out her form in the darkness. 

“Eli?” he asked.

A small hand reached out to rest on his chest and then the door was thrown open. Eli hobbled her way into the new nest first, leading Daryl. The man could see clearer now, the many windows letting in as much star and moon light as being on the roof had. It was chilly, but less so than outside. Eli made her way to the center of the room and waited. Daryl took a moment to survey her handiwork.

There were several crates wrapping around the perimeter of the tower. On them, Eli had placed Daryl’s knick-knacks and miscellaneous tools. In one area, his knives and spare arrows were laid out neatly. She’d even found some sturdy looking sticks to whittle new arrows from. Anything that could be considered remotely medicinal was placed just left of the door, within easy access as soon as you stepped in. Eli had her clothes in one area, Daryl’s in another. There was a box, one that might have held food supplies set near the center of the room. There was a thick blanket stuffed inside and a towel rolled up like a little pillow. A smaller blanket was draped over it. 

“Is that?” Daryl didn’t dare finish his question, in case he was mistaken.

Eli nodded.

_ -I don’t know if Rick talked to you- _

“He did.”

She waited for him to elaborate, but he made no indication that he was going to.

_ -So, I thought maybe sometimes Judith might sleep in here with us. When she does, I don’t want her to get squished in the nest. So I made her a little crib. I saw the one you made, Lil’ Asskicker indeed.- _ she snorted.  _ -But she’s a little too big for that now. And it’s already come in handy, while you guys were gone, she slept up here with me and Carl.- _

“Carl stayed with you?” Daryl was a little surprised. 

The boy often came off as aloof, not wanting to spend too much time with anyone. It was true that Eli had been pulling him out of his shell, but for him to follow her here versus asking her to stay in his room wasn’t like him. 

_ -Well he’s not as bad as me, but he still doesn’t like the dark. It’s brighter in here at night than the prison. Plus, no one likes to sleep alone. It’s too cold this time of year.- _

Daryl nodded. The last piece of the room was probably the best. The heart of the nest used to be a dirty mattress with a half dozen blankets strewn haphazardly across it, but now… Eli had transformed it. Instead of one, there were now three mattresses. They were arranged side by side horizontally and tucked up against a few crates. Maybe four comforters were tossed over them, seamlessly blending the mattresses together. One blanket was rolled up to form a long pillow towards the head of the bed. Several more lay folded at the foot of the bed, each looking warm and comfortable. Daryl’s tarp was tied to a couple crates and draped from the ceiling by a rope. He pointed to it, a question in his gaze.

_ -Familiarity is always nice. It should also help keep us warm while we sleep. The heat should get trapped and stay close to us. That’s why Judith’s crib is so close to where it meets the floor. I want her to be as warm as possible when she’s up here.- _ she looked down at her feet.  _ -Do you like it?- _

Daryl stepped up to Eli and tilted her face up to meet his. 

“I love it. It’s perfect sunshine.”

The woman grinned, her smile lighting up the room that much more. On impulse, she wrapped her arms around Daryl’s waist and squeezed him tight. He bent slightly, returning the hug and lifting her up slightly. The movement caused her to hiss between her teeth. Reality came back to both of them. Eli’s ankle was still sprained and still needed to be taken care of. He pulled away, heading to the ‘medicine cabinet’ to find a wrap. He had several, knowing from experience how useful an ace bandage could be. 

“Why don’t you lay back and get comfy. I can wrap up your leg for ya if you want.” 

Eli eased herself down, choosing not to fight him on this. The throbbing had only gotten worse, in part because she had stood on it in the shower. The cold had helped soothe it a bit, but the pressure and blood flow had all but undone that. Crawling deeper into the nest, she dragged a blanket in after her. Folding it a few more times, she tucked it under her calf, hoping to elevate her foot just a bit. Off came her socks, and with a moment of thought, her pants followed. She’d have left them on, but the pair Carol had given her were skinny jeans, too tight at the bottom to properly wrap her ankle. She bit back a groan dragging those over her foot. Daryl must’ve heard her because he rushed back over, bandage in hand. Her lack of clothing brought a blush to his face that the dim lighting of the room couldn’t hide. Eli rolled her eyes and snorted.

_ -Oh please, you’ve seen me in less, don’t get squeamish now.- _

Daryl cleared his throat, embarrassed at his reaction.

“It’s not that.”

He knelt down before her, scooting closer. Her ankle wasn’t looking so good, but a little bit of rest and a tight wrap would help. Lifting her foot gently, he prodded at it. A quick intake of breath from Eli was the only sign of discomfort from her. Slowly rotating her joint, he glanced up and asked.

“Does this hurt?”

She nodded.

_ -Yeah, but not too bad.- _

“Don’t think it’s broken, nothin’s pokin’ out.”

_ -I didn’t think it was broken, just really bruised. Tumbled down a hill and hit every damn rock along the way.- _

Daryl let his eyes trail up her legs. Sure enough, black and blue marks riddled her body. Gently, she tugged up the hem of her shirt. Just above her chemical burn was a huge bruise, big enough to make it difficult to breathe. Eli seemed to be faring just fine. Hadn’t even made a peep when Daryl had squeezed her with his hugs. He took a deep breath and set about wrapping her ankle. Eli maintained eye contact, not wincing at all while he pulled the bandage tight. She didn’t want him to think he was hurting her, because she knew that ultimately this would help with the pain.

“You alright?”

_ -Yeah. Are you?- _

Daryl was looking especially broody, more so than normal. 

“Don’t like to see you hurt.”

There was nothing Eli could say to that. She’d had worse, and would probably have worse again. The hunter still had her foot resting on his thigh, thumb rubbing gentle circles around the heel. Eli knew he was thinking about what he wanted to say, could tell because he wouldn’t look her in the eye. When the wait became too much, she propped herself up on her elbows and gave Daryl an inquisitive look. 

“Talked to Rick.”

Eli’s heart skipped a beat. 

_ -And?- _

Daryl’s throat constricted. He wanted to try and he felt happy, glad that Rick wanted him. But doubt always found a way in. Rick had been pretty sure about Eli’s feelings though... Fuck it.

“Can I kiss you?”

Eli’s nod was enthusiastic and immediate. His heart leapt at her approval. Rather than dive into her mouth, Daryl pressed small kisses up the length of her leg. He started at her ankle. Wrapped as it was, he was so gentle. Goosebumps trailed in the wake of his lips and he slid warm hands over them. Over her knee, up her thigh, pausing to trace around dark bruises, stuttering over scars. Eli’s breath was heavy, eyes dark. Daryl’s mouth reached the hem of her shirt, hot air moving the fabric slightly. He peered at Eli from beneath his bangs, judging her reaction. A strangled whine bubbled up her throat and hands reached to pull him up the length of her body. 

Daryl nestled between her legs, strong arms bracketing her head. Eli’s breathing was fast and he let it wash over him. He hovered, a breath from touching her lips. Another whine from Eli had him crashing down. She slid her hands over his biceps, tracing over them and coming to rest on the back of his neck. His mouth was heavy and insistent. She nipped at his lip, asking for permission. A groan rumbled through him and she was granted access. 

Eli slipped her tongue over his, rolling her hips up at the sensation. Daryl answered, pressing down, pinning her to the mattress. Carelessly, she wrapped both legs around his torso, pulling him closer. The noise he made was almost inhuman. One hand made it’s way down to grip her waist, so tight it might bruise. When the pain in her ankle made itself known, Eli backed down. The furious nature of their kisses slowed, nips and bites dragging Daryl back down from cloud nine. His eyes opened. Eli’s pupils were blown wide and her lips were stained dark red. She pressed a hand to his chest, pushing him back. He started to scramble away, afraid he’d gone too far.

“I’m so-”

Before he could make another sound, Eli had crashed their mouths together again. She rolled them, putting Daryl’s solid body beneath hers. Both palms were pressed to his chest and she could feel his heart pounding. Her hips rolled again, dragging out a moan from the man. She smiled against his lips. Daryl reached up, sliding his rough fingers under her shirt and up her spine. Eli shivered. She pulled back again, resting in the hunter’s lap. Daryl propped himself, unsure of what was going on. 

_ -Want your shirt off. Want to touch you.- _

Her hands moved roughly and her fingers shook. Eli bit her lips, hoping he’d do it. His hands reached to fumble with far too many buttons. While he worked on that, Eli grinned and bent to kiss him more. Before she could make contact, he’d whispered roughly.

“You too, want to feel you.”

Her whole body went rigid, Daryl not noticing in his frenzied state. It was only once the final button had come undone that he realized what had transpired. 

“Eli?”

She didn’t answer, sitting back up instead. The weight shift pulled a whimper from Daryl’s lips and Eli couldn’t help but smile slightly at that. 

_ -Can I, can I keep my tank top on?- _

“Sunshine, you do whatever you want. Just say I can kiss you again.” 

Daryl understood her fears. Showing your scars clinically was one thing, but it was entirely different when you were being intimate. The only reason he was comfortable removing his shirt was because his back was on the bed. Eli smiled, tugging her long sleeved shirt over her head. Daryl was on her the second it was off. His hands slid up her ribs, over her breasts and straight to her neck. He put as much support and understanding as he could into his kiss, lips moving in a calming rhythm. For the moment, Eli allowed it. But her confidence was back and a girl has needs too. 

She slipped her mouth from Daryl’s, instead moving to lick and suck at his pulse. Daryl groaned again, sliding his hands down her back to grasp her hips tightly. Eli spent time nibbling at the spot just below his ear, reveling in the noises he made. She wasn’t sure he even realized he was making them, but she did her best to make more. But it felt like he was holding back. His hands hadn’t lingered anywhere that could be remotely considered sexual. Maybe it was time to make him lose control.

Eli’s hips rolled, once, twice, three times, hard against Daryl’s lap. He was clearly enjoying it, she could feel him tensing and twitching against her. The last undulation must have done it, because his hands slipped lower to squeeze her ass. Her breath skittered against him, the only indication he had done something she liked. Encouraged by her reaction, he pulled her into him, tighter and faster than she had managed by herself. Her ministrations came to a stuttering halt until all he could feel was her gasping pants against his collarbone. Eli’s hand found its way to Daryl’s chest and she sunk the tips of her fingers into the flesh there. Her brow furrowed and her lips murmured a constant stream of silent sentences into his neck. 

“That’s it sunshine, are you close now?”

Eli’s nod was frantic, her hair tangling in Daryl’s scruff. He was sweat soaked, beads of it dripping down his brow. It was embarrassing to admit, but he was close as well. Eli was twitching every other roll of their hips and shaking her head back and forth in frustration. So close, too close. Daryl nudged her face to his, not willing to relinquish his hold on her body. She met his kiss with passion and no small amount of need. Daryl teased her tongue into his mouth and sucked hard, dancing the tip of his tongue over hers. That must’ve been enough, because all of the sudden Eli wrenched her head back and curled up tight to his chest. A spasm ran through her, her entire body clenching in ecstasy. It pushed Daryl over the edge as well, arching his hips up and tilting his chin to the ceiling. Eli’s tremors had gone down before he finished and she gave a tentative roll of her hips over Daryl one last time. The hunter whimpered and gave her a light slap on the ass.  She huffed out a laugh and fell to the side of him. Curling up against her chest, she took a moment to catch her breath.

“Fuck,” Daryl breathed. 

Eli nuzzled his ribs.

_ -Just did. And we didn’t even need to get undressed to do it.- _

Yeah, and now the consequence of that choice meant Daryl would need a change of pants. 

“God, haven’t done anythin’ like this since I was thirteen.”

Eli smiled and sat up. 

_ -Never done anything like this since ever. Never really been interested in it.- _

Daryl stared at her. She stood and made her way on shaky legs to her pile of clothes, extracting underwear. From the hunter’s pile she pulled boxers and two sets of pants. Throwing the boxers and a set of pants at Daryl, she tugged on her shirt again and pulled off her panties. The length of the shirt hid anything from sight, not that it really mattered anymore, at least not to Eli. Daryl took the opportunity to admire her from a slight distance. Once the pants were on and tied in place (courtesy of a rope) she snapped her fingers at the hunter.

_ -Get changed! I’m starving!- _

Daryl snorted, doing as instructed, completely unashamed of his nakedness. 

“So you’re one of those then?”

_ -One of who?- _

“The type that gets hungry after sex when all I wanna do is nap.”

It was Eli’s turn to snort. She pulled on some socks, carefully on the one foot, before answering him.

_ -I’d love to stay and cuddle, but some venison sounds real good right about now.- _

Daryl laced up his boots and jumped to his feet. Grabbing Eli, princess style, he kicked open the door to the stairwell and headed down.

“What my sunshine wants, my sunshine gets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ain't gonna call it smut but it's maybe smush.
> 
> I wrote y'all a smushy scene! Yeah! Some recovery from whatever bullshit Negan just pulled (didn't watch, was writing)
> 
> Stay tuned for the next one!


	49. A Moment to Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and Daryl return from the 'tour' of the nest. Will Rick's jealousy get in the way of a good thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday!
> 
> I have one more chapter after this, no innuendo or anything like that, more of a family shot.

Rick was seated beside his son, waiting for Eli and Daryl to get back from the nest. Carl had filled  him in on the move to the tower. Knowing that Eli wanted a private place for the three of them stirred something primal in Rick’s stomach that he hadn’t felt in years. Anticipation was building and he couldn’t wait to share their new space.

That’s not to say he wasn’t enjoying his one-on-one time with his children. Judith was seated firmly in his lap, showing no intention of parting from him. She’d babbled at him excitedly, non-stop since he’d grabbed her. Rick couldn’t understand even half of what she said, but there were the occasional words he could pick out. He felt a small pang that he’d missed her first real word, Beth had told him it had been ‘Chonne.’ She’d blushed while revealing the information in a highly suspicious manner. He grinned to himself, maybe there was something more going on. 

Carl had chattered on and on, telling Rick about every minute of his week and asking for details about the run. He’d stared in awe while Rick recounted their desperate flight through the forest, though he spared the boy the more pg-13 details. But after a time, it seemed as though all three of them had run out of things to say. Even little Judy had quieted down. The smell of venison stew wafted through the dining hall and Rick felt his stomach growl. His foot tapped in anticipation. It had been entirely too long for a simple tour. Just as he was about to stand, intent on locating his wayward… lovers? he wasn’t too sure on titles just yet, Eli waltzed in.

Well, waltzed was a loose term. Really she limped in, but there was a certain skip to her step that piqued Rick’s interest. She spotted him and made her way over. Sliding between Carl and him, she let out a sigh of relief once she was off her feet. Tara was seated on the opposite side of the table, her girlfriend nowhere in site. Eli shot the woman a pleading look, sticking out her lip for effect. Tara rolled her eyes and grinned back.

“Yes Eli, you can put your foot up. I saw you limping in here.”

_ -Thank you.- _

She hoisted her leg up and rested it in Tara’s lap, sighing again. Rick leaned over to whisper in her ear. 

“Better be careful darlin’, all that sighing and poutin’ might send the wrong signals.”

She nuzzled his cheek before he could pull back.

_ -You and Daryl are the only ones for me. No offense to you Tara.- _

She signed Daryl’s name under the table, unsure if the hunter would be okay with people knowing about their relationship. Tara laughed softly.

“None taken. I’m glad to see you happy. I wish I could say the same for myself.”

Eli looked concerned and started to sign back, but Rick interrupted. 

“Before you two get into it, where’s Daryl?”

_ -Bathroom. Least that’s what he told me when he dropped me off.- _

“Oh? And what did you do to him that made him need to hide?”

The grin she gave him was lascivious to say the least. With that, Rick stood from the table, handed off Judith, and headed out to find the hunter. Just in time it seemed, as Tara started telling her tale of woe. Carl’s groan resounded over her words.

“It seems as though Dorothy and I have a different definition of the word monogamous…”

\------------------------------------------

Daryl needed a minute. Eli had barely left him a moment of recovery before wanting to be up and about. He was quick to comply of course. He’d never deny her a chance at a hot meal, no matter his own discomfort. But rather than join her, Daryl had mumbled an excuse about heading to the bathroom. She’d eyed him, trying to gage his state of mind. Whatever she found there, Eli must have been satisfied. A chaste kiss was pressed to his lips and a playful tongue gave a swipe before she pulled back. Daryl blushed at the intimacy. Eli waved goodbye and headed into the dining hall. 

Daryl headed to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. He gave himself a superstitious pinch. Nope, not a dream then. In the darkened and empty room, the bowman allowed himself a small smile. This had to be the best day of his life, hands down. Fuck the walkers, fuck the near constant struggle for food. Daryl finally had someone, two someones, that cared about him. That actually  _ wanted _ him. And not just for a drunken fuck in the alley behind some shithole bar. This was something real. 

The smile was still playing at his lips as he walked out of the bathroom. His eyes were cast down, memories of his moments with Eli. Good, she’d been beautiful, skin silhouetted by the starlight. So distracted by his thoughts, he didn’t realize he was on a collision course until he smacked straight into a broad chest. Before he could react, Daryl was muscled up against the wall, arms pinning him in place.

“Hello lover.”

The panic that was trying to build in his chest eased when he realized who held him captive.

“Rick,” the name fell from his lips, rough and raw.

A nose pressed hard into his throat, stubble itching over Daryl’s sensitive skin. Rick inhaled and moved closer to the hunter. His tongue flicked out to lick over the man’s salty skin. 

“Rick,” this time more guttural, but tinged with worry as well. 

The older man pulled back. His eyes flicked over Daryl’s face.

“No one is coming,” he murmured, eyes coming to rest back at his neck. “But, what is this?”

Rick reached out to poke at a spot, just below the hunter’s ear. Daryl felt mild irritation when he pushed there, like the skin had been rubbed raw. A blush spread over his face when he recalled just where it had come from. The grin Rick gave him could be described as nothing less than lecherous. 

“Have you been playing without me?”

A tinge of fear and insecurity doused Daryl’s veins.

“We, it’s not, well,” he stammered, “Is that okay?”

The teasing expression on Rick’s face gave way and he spoke seriously.

“We haven’t discussed anything yet, but it’s fine.”

Daryl relaxed, sliding an inch or so down the wall. Rick’s face grew mischievous again. 

“But, that doesn’t mean I’m not jealous. Tell me lover, what was it like? Did she look beautiful as she came undone? God, I can imagine it now,” he licked his lips.

The hunter groaned, pants growing tight once more. The tips of his ears burned as well. Never before had anyone ever sounded so positively debauched while speaking. Hell, in any of his past encounters, no one had ever said much of anything. But fuck, Rick wasn’t even  _ touching _ him and he was getting hard. He wet his lips.

“Yeah,” came his faint response. 

Now Rick touched him. A groan bubbled from his chest as he pinned Daryl against the wall with his body, forcing his leg between the hunter’s. He moved his face to the side opposite Eli’s mark and nuzzled Daryl.

“And you, I bet you were positively gorgeous. A man like you, with so much control… God watching you lose it must’ve been somethin’ else. Fuck Daryl.”

Against his will, the hunter shuddered. Rick pressed open-mouthed kisses to his throat, nipping on occasion. Daryl let his head tip back, inviting him closer. Rick kept up his constant stream of commentary.

“Wish I coulda been there. Wouldn’t even need to touch you. I could manage it just by watching you two together.”

As if to prove his point, Rick thrust his hips forward. His groin ground against Daryl’s hip and the hunter let out a whimper at the feeling. 

“I mean,” he pulled back to survey Daryl, “just look at you.”

And it was true. Daryl was a mess, sweat once more causing hair to cling to his forehead. His lips were red and glistening, pupils blown wide. Pleasure was causing his chest to heave and his legs were trembling. Rick couldn’t help but dive in to capture his lips. Their kiss was searing, teeth and desperation making them sloppy. Daryl clung to Rick’s shirt. His fingers tangled so tightly in the fabric that they turned white. Rick ripped his mouth away, focussing again on the hunter’s throat. Daryl whined, his voice breathless and needy.

“Rick,” he swallowed hard. “Rick please.”

He was back, face hovering just before Daryl’s desperate lips.

“Please? Please what?”

Rather than answer, the hunter tried to close the space between them. Rick backed off, just the smallest amount, revelling in the pout aimed at him. 

“Rick!”

“Daryl,” the man was not budging an inch. 

Daryl huffed, blushing again. He’d never once asked for affection and was finding it difficult to do so now. But this was Rick. He wouldn’t deny him, right? His voice was tentative and small when he finally voiced his want.

“Kiss me?”

“Always.”

This kiss was different, less passionate and more tender. Rick eased him down from the precipice, just breathing him in. Daryl floated down, one hand resting low on the ex-cop’s hip. There were no tongues, no teeth, just lips, pressing fleetingly. Lingering softly, moving gently. Daryl’s heart beat slowed and he grew languid. The ‘cuddle’ he had been missing after he’d been with Eli was being fulfilled now with Rick. In a way, it felt right. Like it was one continuous stream of intimacy that spread between the three of them, even when one of them was missing. 

Rick, for his part, was content with this. While he wasn’t sure what exactly had transpired between Eli and Daryl, he had an inkling. It would have been fantastic to have been there with them, but he understood that some things just happened. It wasn’t like they’d gone behind his back. The small bit of jealousy he’d felt at seeing Daryl’s hickey had been quelled with the man’s honesty. Just asking the simple question, is it okay, had been enough. Communication was going to be important, Eli had said as much. He pressed his mouth to Daryl’s one last time before pulling away. 

“Oughta go eat. Carl’s mighty proud of that buck.”

Daryl nodded, not yet trusting himself to speak. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah! Some Rick/Daryl action a little. 
> 
> I'm building Rick's character as a little bit more possessive than I think the TV show has him. I figure that maybe some of his regrets with Lori would make him act differently with his new lovers. Dunno, makes sense in my brain.
> 
> Lemme know what you think!


	50. Orientation Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little teasing and a more serious talk about lovin' and stuffs

They walked hand in hand to the dining hall. When the dull murmur of the group reached his ears, Daryl loosened his grip. Rick glanced at him once, understanding in part. He might be comfortable being with a man, but revealing that to everyone else was a horse of a different color. Rick released him, offering a reassuring smile. Daryl breathed a sigh of relief when they walked through the doorway. Without a word, the pair made their way back to Rick’s table, Daryl sitting to the left of Eli, Rick to the right.

_ -Everything okay?- _

The hunter cleared his throat. 

“Everythin’s fine sunshine, Rick just had somethin’ he wanted to talk about is all.”

Eli eyed him suspiciously. Just as her hands lifted to demand further explanation, her gaze fell upon Daryl’s throat. Brown eyes widened fractionally before crinkling with mirth. She laughed, throwing her head back in joy. No sound escaped save the rasp of air, but she was clearly crowing. Her stomach shook and her face turned pink. Eli damn near fell off the bench she was sat on, everyone around turning to stare in concern. Daryl in particular seemed perplexed. Rick was looking a bit sheepish, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

_ -You fucker,- _ Eli signed at him.  _ -Possessive bastard.- _

The grin on her lips showed she was teasing. Daryl, if anything, seemed more confused. She turned to him.

_ -You got a little something, right here.- _ she poked the area she’d been eyeing. 

Daryl’s hand flew to his throat, horror and embarrassment written on his face. 

_ -Couldn’t handle that I got to him first, could you!- _

Eli was signing again at Rick, ignoring Daryl in favor of letting the man cool down. Rick tried to look contrite, but his eyes showed absolutely no remorse for his actions. 

“Well, I had to make it even,” Eli snorted at that, “And besides,” he leaned close to her, “I got to him first. While we were out on our run. I scored the first kiss.”

Daryl groaned and banged his head on the table. Carl was snickering beside him, Judith clapping at the commotion. Tara was grinning at them.

“Well congratu-fucking-lations. It’s about time!” she said. 

Eli did a mock bow in thanks, patting Daryl’s head where it rested on the table. Rick slipped an arm around Eli’s waist, hand coming to rest on the hunter’s hip. It was discreet, yet comfortable. Daryl rolled his face towards the man, expression soft and thankful. After a few more moments of moping, he dragged himself upright. 

“You ain’t gonna go announcing it, right?”

Tara held her hands up in a gesture of surrender. 

“Don’t worry about it man; I’m the last person who’d out you.”

“Out?” Rick queried.

Eli held up a hand to interrupt Tara’s answer. 

_ -In the LGBT community, ‘outing’ is a term used for when someone ‘comes out of the closet’, or reveals their sexual orientation or gender identity.- _

“What’s LGBT?” Daryl asked.

“Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender. It’s an acronym that covers the basics of sexual orientation and gender identity,” Tara offered her insight on the matter. 

_ -Right, but there’s a lot more than just those four letters. For example, what we are is called polyamorous. It’s a blanket term as well, it just outlines the nature of our relationship rather than our orientation.- _

“What other orientations are there?” Carl was interested in this topic of conversation. 

Tara stood from the table before Eli could answer.

“I’m gonna grab us all a bowl. I think you can handle the explanation of everything else,” she winked at Eli.

The dark haired woman grinned back, signing a quick thank you. 

_ -Well, there’s pansexual. Which is when someone just falls in love with someone else, regardless of their gender. It’s very similar to bisexual, but a little bit more broad. There’s way more than two genders, but I think we’ll stick to orientation for this talk.- _

All three boys were paying rapt attention. Judith dozed in Carl’s arms, completely ignorant to their topic of conversation.

_ -There’s demisexual, which is something I think I fall under. That one is where you only feel sexual attraction to a partner after you’ve formed an emotional bond with them. For some people, this takes years; for others it only takes a significant moment.- _

Carl nodded, that seemed like it made sense. Eli was friendly with everyone, but didn’t really have a connection with anyone but Daryl and his dad. While he shuddered to think about them in an intimate setting, it made sense that Eli would fall into that category. 

_ -There’s also aromantic, which is someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction. A lot of times they’re mislabeled as sluts or manwhores, but really they just don’t feel deep romantic connections with other people. Aromantic people can still have and maintain healthy relationships, but they might not feel comfortable telling their partner that they love them. It’s important not to judge other people’s ideas of what a relationship should look like. And you should always be honest about what you’re looking for before you get into one. If you aren’t looking for a serious relationship, you need to be upfront with your partner, or partners.- _

“Well what if you’ve never been interested in anyone, like, even if you’re old enough that you should be noticing things?” Carl glanced at Rick, slightly embarrassed. “That you should be feeling things.”

_ -What you’re describing is referred to as asexual, which demisexual kind of is a part of. People that are asexual usually don’t experience sexual attraction at all. That’s not to say that they won’t fall in love, just that they maybe don’t want to participate in certain bedroom activities. Each person is different, some people feel comfortable with certain things, others aren’t. It’s really something personal for every individual.- _ Eli paused, unsure of how to phrase her next thought.

_ -If your hypothetical question is referring to someone you know in the prison, there are other factors. It’s possible that whoever it is hasn’t reached that stage in puberty yet, or they haven’t met someone that ‘does it’ for them. Like me being demisexual. I figured I was ace from the start until I met Daryl and Rick. But, if that person is sure of their orientation, no one would judge them for it or tell them they’re wrong.- _

Eli shot the men to her right and left hard looks. She didn’t think they’d contradict her, but she needed to be sure they understood what was going on. If Carl was wondering about himself, he would need support, no matter the outcome. It wouldn’t do to tell him he was just ‘confused’. Thankfully, both men seemed to be on board. 

“Yeah,” Rick agreed. “We might be old, but we’re open minded. As long as everyone is consenting in a relationship, and of the appropriate age, it doesn’t matter to me.”

Daryl nodded, offering support in his own, silent way. Carl contemplated what he’d been told.

“If someone is ace or demisexual, how will they know which gender they like?”

_ -The good news about the end of the world is that labels don’t matter anymore. Whichever gender a person prefers is their business and they shouldn’t feel like they need to give it a name or try to fit it into the cookie cutter manufactured by society. Society is dead and we’re not. So fuck it and just live.- _

Carl grinned at her straightforwardness. Eli always knew just what to say. Even Daryl felt encouraged by her words. The fear he had about being seen with Rick was all in his head. If people wanted to think anything bad about it, fuck them. The people that might have lynched him in his old life were all dead now, or gone forever. 

Tara returned, dropping bowls of steaming soup in front of each person. She handed Daryl Judith’s bottle. The man deserved some one-on-one time with his adoptive daughter. Tara hadn’t been here long, but she knew what had gone down with Judith’s birth and Rick’s subsequent breakdown. Daryl took the sleeping baby from her brother’s arms and coaxed her awake with the bottle’s nipple. She pulled from it with tired lips, her eyes fluttering. Her tiny hands signed Daryl’s name.

“That’s right sweetheart,” he cooed, “your daddies are home now.”

The hand on his hip tightened. Rick felt his heart swell just a bit at Daryl’s words. Judith was theirs. All three of them; him, Eli, and Daryl. That Daryl was finally seeing it that way meant a lot to the ex-cop. Eli had yet to refer to herself as a mother to either of his children, but he hoped one day she’d see how much she meant to them. 

“You explain the whole queer thing?” Tara asked jokingly.

Rick rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, she educated us real good. Right Carl?”

The boy blushed. 

“Yeah. She covered a bunch of different orientations.” After a beat, he continued. “I think maybe mom was aromantic.”

Rick froze, spoonful of venison halfway to his mouth. Eli looked at him with worry. Rick swallowed hard around the lump in his throat.

“Why do you say that Carl?”

The boy prodded his soup, not looking at his father. 

“Dunno, just,” he put down his spoon, “it seemed like it always hurt her a little to tell you she loved you. Me too. Like saying the words to us left a bad taste in her mouth.”

Rick’s heart cracked as he listened to the dull monotone of his son’s voice. Eli shook her head, reaching to stroke the boy’s arm. 

_ -No love. I didn’t explain it clearly. Aromantic people still care about their families deeply, and love is a subjective term. There are a thousand different ways to love someone, and not all of them are romantically or intimately. Whatever was going on with your mom wasn’t that. I won’t discredit your feelings by telling you you’re wrong. I wasn’t there to see how she was with you. But I don’t want you to think that aromantic people are cold or heartless. What’s important is that you know who does love you. Your daddy loves you, I love you, Daryl loves you, Judith loves you. So many people love you. Don’t dwell on the past, love.- _

Carl nodded. He wasn’t exactly sad about it, thinking back on his mother brought a kind of empty feeling in his chest. Like, there wasn’t anything he could do about what happened between them, so why worry about it. And he hated seeing the pain in his dad’s eyes when he brought her up. Eli was watching him still. 

_ -Why don’t you talk to Maggie after dinner. She was with you when it happened, wasn’t she?- _

Carl knew what she was talking about without needing specifics. He nodded, digging into his soup with gusto in order to leave. He finished his bowl quickly while the rest of the adults ate at a more sedate pace. When it was empty, he stood and wrapped his arms around the three people he considered his parents. Daryl looked startled to be included in the impromptu hug, but reached up to pat the boy’s hand regardless. Carl scooped up Judith, claiming he was going to spend some quality time with his baby sister, much to her delight. Once he was out of sight, Tara spoke up.

“Why’d you do that?”

_ -Do what?- _

“Why didn’t you assure him his mom loved him. He’s gotta be sad that she’s gone, maybe he was just venting it in a weird way.”

Eli shook her head. Rick paid close attention to what she was about to say and Daryl reached around to hold his hand in comfort. 

_ -You should never tell another human being that their feelings are wrong. The only true and honest thing in this world is what we feel. I don’t have proof that his mom felt anything for him at all; I never met her. Maggie might though, that’s why I sent him to her. In our final moments, we always reveal who we truly are. There were only three people in that room when Lori died, and one of them is much too young to remember. I can’t help here, but Maggie can.- _

Rick accepted her wisdom and took her words to heart. Carl was his son, and he needed to be assured that he mattered.

“We should get to bed,” Daryl murmured. 

Tara nodded in agreement. 

“It’s getting pretty late. Or, at least I think it is. Congratulations again you three. I’m really happy for you.”

_ -Thank you.- _

Rick helped Eli to her feet and waited to see what she wanted to do. Really her hissyfit had put the fear of god into the groups. At least in terms of respecting her personal space and judgement.

_ -Rick, will you please help me to the nest? Daryl can lead the way.- _

“Certainly madame,” the fake british accent was back again. “If you could be so kind, old chap.”   


“The fuck you callin’ old, old man.” Daryl teased.

Eli huffed out a giggle and was promptly swept off her feet. Tense moment temporarily forgotten, the trio made their way to the nest, and to their first night together as partners. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I get them right? Did I get them crooked? I think I got them right, not the expert, but am a queer individual so I know a bunches of stuffs. dunno what letter I am, figured it doesn't much matter so long as I'm happy. Same should go for all of you! 
> 
> The only one I'm not sure I got right is Aromantic, so sorry if I butchered it. I did my best!


	51. Lori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl seeks Maggie's guidance in regards to his mother. His talk with her leaves more questions than answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday! So it's update day!!
> 
> Yay!
> 
> I ate so much turkey I might die, some on thursday and some yesterday.

“Maggie?” 

Both she and Glenn paused on the way to their cell. Carl was headed towards them with Judith clinging tightly to his shirt. The little girl was barely keeping her eyes open but Carl’s expression was somber.

“What is it Carl? Everything alright?”

He paused to catch his breath once he’d caught up to the couple. Glenn reached for Judith, smiling at Carl’s grateful expression. He cradled the baby carefully, rocking her slightly in his arms. 

“Hey girly, you sleepy? Why don’t you and me head to your cell, I’ll stay with you ‘til your big brother gets back.” 

Maggie and him exchanged glances over Carl’s head. They’d gotten pretty good at reading situations, and this one was clearly a ‘Maggie Only’ one. Whatever Carl wanted to talk about had to be important. The boy waited until Glenn and Judith had disappeared down the hall before speaking. 

“Can we go somewhere? I want to sit down for this.” 

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and steered him towards her cell.

“Sure, honey.” They settled on her cot. “Now what’s this about.”

Carl bit his lip, unsure of how to start.

“Do you think my mother loved me?” 

Maggie blinked. That question came out of left field. Before she could even think of an answer, Carl rushed on.

“I mean, Eli said I should come talk to you about it. We were talking about all sorts of stuff and Eli told us that some people don’t fall in love, at least romantically. I thought, well I thought that maybe Lori was that way.” 

Carl’s voice faltered slightly at his mother’s name. Maggie had never heard him refer to her as anything other than Mom. But he hadn’t spoken about her since Judith’s birth, and before that he was just a little boy. It unsettled her a little, but Maggie decided not to comment. Carl took her silence as permission to press on.

“But then Eli said that Lori wasn’t like that, and people that are aromantic; that’s the word for what that kind of person; still love their families. But it felt like it was so hard for Lori to say the words to us, me and Dad. And then, with all the stuff that happened with Shane… I’m just not sure that she ever really loved us.”

Maggie’s heart went out to Carl. Here was a boy, forced to grow up far too fast in a world full of nightmares, and he was worrying about something so  _ normal. _ But to him, it was everything. Unfortunately, it was something that Maggie didn’t have a clear answer to. 

“I think,” she began, “I think your mom struggled a lot. Lori and I weren’t close, and I didn’t know her nearly as long as you did, but she always seemed to have trouble. Back on the farm, her way of dealing with things was to try and keep order. Try to maintain the structure of her old life, in the new one.”

Carl shook his head, interrupting before Maggie could finish speaking. 

“No, but things were weird even before. Dad would go to work and Lori would spend her time doing whatever, not really caring what I did. And when Dad would get home, she’d always pick a fight with him. It was always over stupid stuff, I don’t even remember, but he never fought back. She always screamed at him and then shut herself in her room. Dad was always the one to tuck me in, and he always told me he loved me. Lori only ever seemed to say it when we were around people. Like she didn’t actually feel it, just wanted people to think she did.”

Carl fell silent again. Maggie felt tears forming in the corners of her eyes, but refused to let them fall. A part of her wanted to tell Carl that of course his mother loved him, and she must have loved him very much. But the things he was saying brought her own doubts to the surface. Nearly the entire time the group was at the farm, Lori had been berating Rick. Maggie watched the woman play some sick mind games with him and Shane, telling them both the baby was theirs. And that brought to mind Lori’s attempted abortion. The thought of ending a baby’s life without even letting Rick know, that seemed cold. Maggie could understand not wanting to raise a child in the circumstances they’d been forced into, but to not let your husband know... Shane had been violent and unpredictable, so she could forgive not telling him. But Rick wasn’t like that. Hell, Lori had even ‘misplaced’ Carl on more than one occasion at the farm. Something that was incredibly dangerous given the fact that Maggie’s family had a small herd of walkers trapped in their barn. But the doubt she held in her heart would not assuage Carl’s mind and she chose to keep it to herself. 

“You know Carl,” Maggie started, voice low and comforting, “me and Bethy have different mamas. Mine died when I was younger, and Beth’s mama, Annette married my daddy a few years later. I never really felt like she loved me.”

Carl remained silent. No one knew a whole lot about Maggie’s past; she played her cards close to her chest. If she was revealing things to him now, Carl would bet all of his comics that there was a point to it and she was going to give her honest opinion on Lori.

“She already had my step brother, and then a little while later, Beth. Those were her babies, blood to her. By the time she had met me, I was a rebellious teenager, years older than her oldest and a decade older than Beth. I ran away a lot, and the look she’d give me when I got back… I never knew how to read it, but I hated her for it. Daddy always tried to help us get along, but I always fought him on it. She was never unkind to me, but she never went out of her way for me like she did with her other kids. Pretty soon, I was all grown up and headed off to college. The distance between us grew, and when I called home, she’d never talk to me or anything.”

Maggie stopped talking for a minute. It was clear that the memories she was reliving were painful to say the least. Carl reached out to hold her hand. It was a gesture not lost on Maggie, usually Carl only made contact with Eli. He wasn’t one for giving comfort, probably due to his age. 

“When I came home to visit at the end of the semester, that’s when everything started. We didn’t know what was going on in the rest of the world, we were so secluded. But me and Annette, we had a fight. I screamed at her, I don’t even remember what it was about. But pretty soon I was hurling insults at her, and she just took it. I must’ve said something she really didn’t like, because she snapped. It was like all the rage and pain I’d taken out on her over the years had been bottled up inside her. She didn’t hit me, but her words stung worse than a slap would. I ran off, like I always did. Went far out to the edge of the woods and I was so wrapped up in my own misery I didn’t hear the walker comin’ straight for me. When I finally saw it, I swear, nothin’ had ever scared me so bad, it was already nearly on top of me.”

The fear was evident in the quiver of her voice. Carl squeezed her hand and Maggie took a breath.

“Annette, she’d followed me out. Right before the walker could get me, she pushed me out of the way, screamin’ for me to get Daddy. It fell on her, ripped out a chunk of her shoulder. She bore it, kept tellin’ me to run, to get help. I found my feet, ran back to find someone to save her. Shawn, my brother, he got to her first. He got bit too. Took Otis and Daddy to pull the walker away from them. Daddy shot it, right through the head. It wasn’t until the commotion died down that we realized Annette and Shawn were dyin’. We took them to the barn, sat with them while they passed. Beth was a mess.  _ I  _ was a mess. Here was this woman, who’d I’d spent years thinkin’ she hated me, and she was  _ dying _ for me. Somethin’ broke in me. There wasn’t much life left in her, but she held my hand and told me ‘Don’t cry love.’ She never called me any sweet nicknames, only Beth and Shawn. In that moment, I realized what all those looks had been. It was helplessness. She wanted to love me, but how do you care for a child that can’t take the sight of you?” 

Carl knew the question wasn’t supposed to have an answer. The silence stretched between them, heavy and hurting. Maggie did her best to find a clear way to bridge her story to Carl’s question. Maybe if he knew he wasn’t the only person to have doubts about their mother’s love, he wouldn’t feel quite so alone.

“I’ve always thought,” Maggie cleared her throat, hating the way her voice cracked, “that people reveal who they truly are in their final moments. Annette showed me, she did love me, even if she wasn’t sure how while she was alive. I think it was the same with yours.” 

He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t really breathe. Memories of Lori’s final moments flickered through his mind. What Maggie was saying made so much sense to him. It took a few swallows, but he cleared the lump in his throat enough to answer.

“She, she did say she loved me, didn’t she?”

Maggie nodded.

“She told me to be brave, that I needed to take care of Dad and Judy. She  _ died _ for her.”

“She died for you too. Lori loved you Carl. She just didn’t know how to show you.”

Carl’s heart hurt. Lori had loved him, told him he was the best thing she ever did. But while she’d been alive, she had never acted like it. Every single day of his life he’d tried to prove himself to her. And it seemed unfair that on her last day, she got to wipe that all away. Not even wipe away, more like spread a layer of guilt over everything he felt. It was something Maggie must have felt, judging by the pain in her voice while she told her story. 

“I wish she would have tried,” he finally said. 

His voice was small, tired, and much too full of despair. Maggie’s heart shattered, pain she’d never experienced before lanced through her chest. Carl pulled away then, standing on shaky legs. As if on cue, a knock sounded on the cell door. In the doorway stood Glenn, Judith fast asleep in his arms. 

“Can you- could you keep Judy tonight?” 

Glenn nodded, not daring to speak, afraid he’d reveal just how much he’d overheard. Maggie licked her lips.

“Carl, I don’t want,” she paused, “I don’t want you to be alone.”

He shook his head.

“Don’t worry about me. Goodnight, thank you Maggie.”

Glenn rushed into the cell, Carl’s footsteps echoing farther away with each second. When the sound faded away, Maggie burst into tears. Glenn rested Judith on the opposite cot and rushed to hold her. She cried and cried, letting out years of pain into her husband’s shoulder. 

“Shh, it’s okay Maggie. Just breathe. It’s okay.”

Her voice was wet and interspersed with hiccups. 

“He’s just a boy Glenn. Just a boy. He shouldn’t be wondering if his dead mama loved him or not, and she shouldn’t be dead at all. It’s not fair!”

“I know, I know sweetie. But he has so much love around him. Rick, Daryl, Eli, Carol, you, me. We all love him. That’s all we can do. Just love him unconditionally and do our best to keep him safe. That’s all we can do now.”

They clung to each other, Glenn barely holding back his own tears. He needed to be strong for Maggie. 

“He’ll be alright. Don’t cry now.”

She wouldn’t calm for nearly an hour, and when she did, it was from exhaustion. Glenn laid his wife down, wrapping her tightly in a blanket. He retrieved the still sleeping Judith and laid down with Maggie. The baby between them, safe and sound, helped to ease his heart. He’d never seen Maggie cry, she was so strong. It tore something in him, but he swore to himself he’d be strong. They’d make it through, all of them. They had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo,
> 
> The next chapter is entirely smut. Like no plot movement at all. Feel free to skip if you don't like that sort of activity!


	52. Missed You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli, Daryl, and Rick take the time to remind each other how much they care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entirely smut, all of it
> 
> Also! First time writing as such, so be gentle on me if it sucks, but do tell me!

Eli’s soft huffs of laughter echoed in the stairwell up to the nest. Rick had been doing dramatic reenactments of certain parts of their run since they’d left the dining hall, much to Daryl’s undying embarrassment. 

“Shut up,” the hunter groaned, not for the first time. 

“You shoulda seen him Eli, man struggled to find clothes that would suit you. It’s the end of the world and Daryl’s biggest problem is picking which blouse to take.”

Eli snorted one last time, trying to catch her breath. The tips of Daryl’s ears were burning pink, barely visible in the gloom. The set of his shoulders told Eli that Rick’s teasing had gone on long enough. She shushed the older man and reached out to slide her fingers down Daryl’s spine. He turned back, shooting her a grateful look. When they’d reached the top of the stairs, he cleared his throat, determined not to let his awkwardness ruin their first night back. 

“Now,” he spoke gruffly, “I present the new nest!”

There was the slightest amount of grandeur in his tone and Rick felt himself smile. The smile grew to a grin of pride when he took in the room. Eli had really outdone herself. He set the woman down and she limped over to the center of the nest. Her arms were spread wide.

_ -Do you like it? Carl helped a lot.- _

Rick could only nod. Daryl nudged his arm, pointing to the little cradle Eli had fashioned for Judith.

“Darlin’, you’ve really outdone yourself this time.”

She blushed and waved her hand dismissively.

_ -I’m just glad you both like it. It was a pain in the ass to drag all of it out here. Took me a whole day, even with help.- _

“Yeah, we like it sunshine, like it a lot,” Daryl’s voice was low, almost predatory. 

Rick looked at him sharply, a slow smirk growing on his lips.

“Mhm, certainly do darlin’. You know, we’d love to show you how much we like it.”

Eli gulped. Her pulse had jumped, excitement thrumming in her veins. But, three could play at that game. She faked a yawn.

_ -Whew, I’m beat. I think you could show your appreciation but keeping it down while I try to sleep.- _

Daryl nearly backed off, thinking she was serious. But after a moment he caught the playful look in her eyes. Rick stepped towards her, he had read the mischief on her face from the yawn. 

“Oh, you want to sleep?” he purred.

Eli nodded her head, biting her cheek to keep from smiling. Daryl closed in on her from the opposite side.

“Really sunshine? We been gone for more than a week and you want to  _ sleep _ ?”

She rolled her lips between her teeth, really holding in her grin. Another nod and then the impact of two bodies caused all of the air to escape her lungs. She laughed, the sound hoarse and rough as it pushed out of her throat. The faces of Rick and Daryl shifted back and forth in front of her eyes. Fingers were tickling her sides and Eli squirmed desperately against them. The men grinned at each other over her head. 

“How about now darlin’? You still tired?”

Both men pulled back, giving her a chance to catch her breath. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright. Eli reached up to stroke their faces and the men leaned into her touch.

_ -Missed you.- _

“We missed you too, let us show you.” Rick’s voice was like gravel.

A shiver ran up Daryl’s spine. That voice would be the death of him. Eli nodded to them, a smile floating over her lips. That was all the permission needed and in a moment they were back on her. 

Daryl glued himself to her mouth, her lips parting to pull him in and tongues flicking together desperately. Rick groaned at the sight, bending nearly in half to latch onto her neck. He bit licked and sucked at the tender flesh, certainly leaving a lasting mark. 

“Eli,” someone breathed out. 

A whimper tore it’s way from her mouth and was swallowed by Daryl. The hunter ran his hands over her hip, sliding sensually over her side. Rick reached her collarbone, licking at it. He pulled away, his eyes dark. Daryl felt it and removed himself as well. The whine that came out of Eli was filthy. 

“Darlin’ gotta know,” Rick’s voice was so deep, reverberating in her chest.

“You gotta tell us sunshine, please.”

Rick’s fingers toyed with the button on her jeans, Daryl’s itching to lift the hem of her shirt. So blissed on pleasure and the feeling of being touched by the two men she cared most for, took away any reservations she might have had. A second whine slipped from her lips. Her fingers trembled when she spoke.

_ -Anything, please, anything.- _

Hands pulled at her clothes. She felt her pants being slid down her hips and carefully tugged over her injured foot. A mouth trailed up her calf, licking and kissing up the expanse of skin. The graze of teeth on her inner thigh had her shivering. Eli couldn’t even focus on those sensations because in the same instance, Daryl’s calloused hands were pushing up her shirt. He didn’t take it off, preferring instead to hold it up with his wrist while he cupped one of her breasts. Eli was by no means well-endowed, but Daryl found himself rather liking that. 

“God, you’re perfect,” the words came out like a prayer.

Rick hummed his agreement, now inching closer to Eli’s center. The vibration dragged a moan out of her ragged throat and both men tightened their grip. Daryl ran his fingertips over Eli’s ribs, enjoying the goosebumps that followed. She squirmed beneath them, the dual sensations nearly overwhelming. Daryl’s breath teased her the most, hot and desperate against her chest. She was dying for contact, needed him to touch her more. Her hand wound itself in his long hair, tugging gently downwards. That was all the encouragement he needed. 

_ Fuck _ , Eli’s lips moved but no sound came out. Daryl was sucking, ever so slightly at one of her nipples, the other was being rolled between his fingers. When she thrust herself upward, offering more to him, he’d taken it. The hunter’s teeth grazed and tongue soothed. One hand wrapped around her ribs, his thumb teasing her past insanity. He grabbed desperately at himself with his free hand, pants much too tight. Rick had stopped what he was doing to watch. 

God what a fucking picture they made. Writhing and needy, their chests were heaving, Daryl’s eyes closed tight as he brought their girl,  _ their _ girl pleasure. Eli’s eyes were thrown wide and staring unseeing at the ceiling. Rick swallowed hard and willed himself control. 

“Look at you,” he growled out.” Look at how fucking beautiful you are. Both of you, my gorgeous, perfect lovers.”

Daryl whined this time, excited more by Rick’s words. His hips thrust, bumping into Eli in the process. She flicked her eyes down, focusing on Rick’s face. He was planted between her legs, hands smoothing up and down her thighs. 

“God I could watch you two all day. Do you like that Eli? Do you like Daryl touching you? Teasing you? How does it feel to have him sucking on your tits?”

The look she gave him, and the sound she made. He could have come right there. Daryl on the other hand redoubled his ministrations. He switched sides, bending over Eli and resting some of his weight on her. A vague, distant part of her mind was grateful, the sensations getting to be too much. But the present, wild part of her would take anything, everything these men wanted to give her. Daryl needed his free hand to hold up the majority of his weight. Rather than release Eli, he ripped it free from his own need. Rick noticed and spoke again.

“Look at Daryl darlin’. Look how much he wants to touch you. Do you wanna touch him too?”

Eli’s nod was frantic and nearly shook Daryl free from his position. A shiver ran through him. Before he could even comprehend what was happening, a warm hand was sliding down and loosening his pants. He sighed at the freedom, but the sound quickly mutated into a moan. Eli was gripping him, her hand moving in unsure strokes over his cock. He thrust hard into her fist, revelling in the pleasure. 

“Such a good girl, I knew you wanted to touch him. Just needed a little push, didn’t you? Here, let me help you.”

Eli let out a puff of air that might have been a gasp. Rick had wrapped his much larger hand around hers, tightening her fist and moving faster. Every third stroke he paused and twisted gently on the way down. Daryl had to stop for a second. His forehead rested on Eli’s breast and he bit his lip savagely to keep from crying out. Rick pulled away from them once he was sure Eli had it down.

“Good girl, I think you deserve a reward darlin’. Right Daryl?”

It was almost cruel of him to ask the hunter to do anything except breathe, let alone speak, but the man managed it. 

“Yeah, fuck yeah Rick. Anything at all, anything anything,” he cut off with a groan. 

Rick pulled away from them again, this time taking Eli’s panties with him. He settled once more between her thighs, taking in the constant and slight tremor of her legs. The chemical burn on her hip spread down farther than he’d guessed, stretching close to her pubic bone. A frown flickered over his face. He pressed kisses there, licking and nibbling along the length of the scar. The attention made her kick slightly, though not from pain. 

“Stay still darlin’.”

Eli’s head tried to nod, but it came out as more of a shake. 

“Guess I’ll just have to help you then.”

With ease, Rick pulled her legs up to rest on his shoulders. Daryl blinked open his eyes and the sight he beheld was something else. It was too much and the hunter came with a grunt, seizing Eli’s lips with his own again. She felt his climax wet and hot against her palm and slowed her stroking. When his twitching stopped, she removed her hand. Just in time too, because a moment later her fingernails were pressing crescent shaped cuts into her palms. Daryl caressed her idly, but his gaze as fixed on Rick.

The man had his face buried between her legs. Eli shook and thrashed, her head flicking back and forth. Never before had she felt anything as amazing as this. Rick’s tongue flicked lazily at her clit before diving into her center. She felt her legs try to close and then firm hands prying them open again. Rick paused for a moment.

“Don’t crush me now, it’d be a wonderful way to go, but I’d rather not die just yet.”

Eli couldn’t even manage a chuckle. She reached down desperately, tangling her fingers in Rick’s short curls. He let out a breath of laughter before allowing himself to be led back down. He sucked lightly at her clit, circling around the nub a few times and then pressing hard against it with his tongue. Rick slipped a finger inside of her and nearly came on the spot. She was so fucking tight. He shook himself, this wasn’t about him, it was about her. Daryl watched him with avid enthusiasm. He licked the shell of Eli’s ear before murmuring to her. 

“You like that sunshine?”

The hunter was nearly slapped in the face. She wrenched his head around, locking lips and trying to nod at the same time. He indulged her for a moment, thrusting his tongue in and out of her mouth as lewdly as he could. When he felt she’d had enough, he pulled back once more to whisper to her.

“That feel good? Bet you never felt anythin’ like that. I bet you taste so fucking sweet.”

Rick pulled away from Eli with an obscene slurp.

“Wanna taste?” 

He held up his hand, fingers shining slightly in the moonlight. Daryl bent, capturing them in his mouth. Rick bit back a groan as Daryl sucked and licked at his fingers. The hunter did his best to give Rick pleasure, especially since he was giving so much to their girl. One last hard suck and he released the man. Rick immediately dove back down, not giving Eli a second of relief. 

“Fuck sunshine. Must be all that damn fruit you eat. Sweetest goddamn thing I’ve ever tasted.”

Eli whimpered, really twisting now. If Rick hadn’t been holding her so tight, she’d have curled in a ball by now. Her nerve endings were shot, pleasure blurring into near pain, her body so tight she thought she’d never relax again. Rick thrust his fingers in and out faster and twirled his tongue with renewed energy. Her walls were clenching around him and he could tell she was close. Daryl must’ve noticed it too, because he attacked her mouth, demanding kisses and biting hard at her lips. Eli took it, delirious with it. Rick scratched his short nails down her thigh and she lost it. 

Her head ripped sideways, away from Daryl and she let out a silent scream. Eli’s face turned pink and then red. No amount of strength could keep her thighs from squeezing tight around Rick’s head and he rode it out. Daryl watched in awe as every last dreg of ecstasy poured out of her. Rather than curling up, as she had with him, her back arched and the vein in her neck pulsed viciously. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Rick had reached his own climax, the evidence spreading over the front of his jeans. 

Together, the men eased Eli down from the sky, rubbing gently at her muscles, hoping to prevent the cramping that would surely follow. She took the time to breath, trying to ease the tightness in her throat. When she finally got herself under control, she greeted her lovers with a tired smile. 

_ -Wow.- _

Both men laughed.

“That’s an understatement sunshine.”

“Yeah, way more than wow.”

She tugged them up, Rick wiped his face on the sleeve of his shirt before kissing her softly. Daryl bent and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Before he could settle back down, Rick grasped his cheek and pulled him in. They met over Eli’s head, sharing in each other’s presence. She didn’t try to interfere or join, just stroked their hair with tired hands. When they finally parted, Rick rolled away from them. The hunter frowned.

“Where ya goin’?” Daryl’s voice had the tiniest bit of insecurity. 

_ -Better be getting me some fucking pants. Second time I’ve had to change today.- _

It was all Eli could do to ease his fears. Rick didn’t see her speak, but he came back soon enough. Three pairs of boxers were in his arms. He dropped them on Daryl and Eli and bent to shuck his pants and underwear. Daryl whistled low in appreciation of the view. Rick’s dick gave an interested twitch, but his face said no.

“Don’t you dare, Daryl Dixon. I think that’s enough for one night. Besides, I’m too  _ old _ to go again.”

Eli snorted, tugging on her set of boxers. 

_ -Admit it, you’re both old. What, early thirties? Cradle robbers, the both of you.- _

The reality slammed into both men like a freight train. Eli was only twenty-three. Something very close to insecurity cut through Rick. Back on the force he would’ve looked down on a man his age being with a woman as young as Eli. 

“Actually,” he cleared his throat and climbed back into the nest. “I’m around forty-three.”

“Thirty-seven,” Daryl offered. 

Eli blinked. Huh, hadn’t figured as much, not based on their appearance. Rick had some grey in his beard, but with the way things were now, people were bound to age a bit faster. Well, Eli always thought that as long as everyone was an adult, age was just a number. 

_ -Well fuck me- _

Daryl snorted then, “Already did.”

She swatted at him and continued.

_ -I hope I look half as good as you two at your age. How’d I get so lucky?- _

Some of the fear in Rick eased at her words. 

“I should be saying that. My two young, gorgeous lovers. The best fighters in this place, amazing hunters, stealthy as anything. Don’t deserve you at all.”

There was the slightest bit of self-deprecation reverberating in his words. Daryl frowned. So he wasn’t the only one then.

“Well too bad,” he grumbled, “you’re stuck with us.”

Rick searched his face, loving the silent support he found there. Eli nodded.

_ -Stuck like bark on a tree. All three of us.- _

She yawned wide, reaching up to cover her mouth. It triggered a chain reaction in the men. Together, they snuggled down, Rick on Eli’s right, Daryl on her left. They curled around each other, the position strangely reminiscent of their first night together. Eli murmured against the hand nearest her mouth but made no move to ‘speak’. 

“Missed you sunshine.”

Eli nodded, reaching slightly to kiss him and twisting her neck to touch noses with Rick. As soon as she settled down again, her breathing evened out and her muscles relaxed with sleep.

“Goodnight darlin’. Goodnight lover.”

Daryl blushed at the endearment and snaked an arm over Eli’s hip to clasp at Rick’s. 

“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? I like to think the boys would put Eli as their first priority for the most part, especially since Rick and Daryl were together while away thus having more time alone.


	53. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl tries to deal with his emotions but finds himself overwhelmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby chapter, a little family building one

Carl tried to heed Maggie’s request, really he did, but he couldn’t bear to face anyone just yet. After he’d left Judith with her and Glenn, he’d wandered around the prison. He avoided the catacombs, unwilling or unable to visit the spot Lori had died. There was so much swirling around in his head. He wasn’t sure how to sort it out. In his experience, and he had a lot, it was true that people showed who they truly were in their final moments. Hell, Shane had tried to off his dad and Dale had done his best to show forgiveness when Daryl had to end his pain. And Lori. It was like all the love she should have shown his entire life spilled out along with her blood on the prison floor. 

Carl felt guilt, dark and tangy under his tongue. Like burnt sugar it stung his senses. She had loved him, probably loved his dad as well. And he felt so ungrateful. Never once had it occurred to him that he should thank her for how she’d cared for him. Distant as she was, Lori had bathed him, fed him, kept him company. But he’d always craved his time with his father, and maybe that had been part of the problem. It was probably hard to love someone who so obviously preferred the other parent. 

But what he really felt was rage. Anger that was filthy and metallic and itching in his veins. She had bathed him yes, but only until he was old enough not to drown in the tub or when his dad couldn’t. She fed him, but terribly. Burnt food that he and his father had to choke down. Anytime he thought to complain, Rick would send him a pleading look, begging him to remain silent. The times he ignored those looks, Lori would yell and shout about how she slaved all day long and if they thought they could do better than be her guest. And the company she kept with him was distant and cold, she often wrapped herself in a book or messed around on her phone rather than actually play with him. Their time without his dad had given further proof. While Rick was in his coma, before the dead started walking, Carl often found himself alone, Lori too busy with this meeting or that shopping trip. And then once they’d fled with Shane, she would sneak off at all hours of the day and night to be alone with the man. At the time, he hadn’t realized what she was doing, only that he couldn’t find her whenever he went looking. The constant glances the adults shared had confused him, but now he understood. Lori would rather spend her time fucking her husband’s best friend than be with her son. 

And when the white hot burning of rage was done, he felt empty. He’d been lying on his cot, letting the emotions wash over him like a tsunami. Carl couldn’t remember getting back to his cell, but now that he was here he felt so very alone. Grief was a terrible thing that ripped through your chest and left behind a gaping hole. Every thought threatened to tear the fragile control he had over himself. Tears ached in his eyes, but he wouldn’t let them fall. He wasn’t mourning Lori, or what she should have been to him. He was mourning his childhood. A lifetime of memories that should have been so full of joy, now marred by uncertainty. There was only one thing he was sure of. His dad loved him, unconditionally, even after he’d fucked up so many times back on the farm and on their journey to the prison. Daryl loved him, even if the hunter was too gruff to say it, it was obvious in his actions. He never talked down to Carl, always was honest with the boy, and stern if he got out of line. And Eli. Eli was the mother he’d always craved, but never had. That woman loved him so hard and without judgement. She didn’t tell him how to feel or what to be, only offered him silent comfort. Listened to his side of the story and never suggested that he was wrong. Eli held him close and told him he could be honest with her, safe with her, and always did her best to be truthful with him. 

Maybe Maggie was right, maybe he shouldn’t be alone.

With no small amount of effort, he dragged himself out of his bed and made his way slowly out of the prison. The cold night air stung at his eyes and threatened to rip out his unshed tears. But he pressed on. Up the stairs and through the door. The nest was warm, not overly so, but enough. Carl stood in the dark, staring at the bundle of sleeping bodies. His parents, and that’s what they were, made soft noises as they slept. Daryl grumbling deep in his chest, Rick snoring softly. The only one who was silent was Eli. He could barely make her out, only the inky blackness of her hair distinguishing her form from his fathers. 

It felt wrong to disturb them, as comfortable as they all looked. He turned to leave, but a sound stopped him. A deep inhale of breath and the rustling of blankets. Carl looked back slowly, not daring to move. A set of dark eyes watched him. Eli was sitting up, not waking her bedmates, but conscious. Carl couldn’t convince himself to speak. She must’ve understood anyways, because she extended her arm in invitation. Carl felt his resolve break.

In the dark, he crawled carefully onto the mattress, inching his way towards Eli. She reached for him using both hands to tug him under the blankets between her and Daryl. The hunter was curled towards them, but with plenty of space for Carl to slip in. Eli scooted back closer to Rick to offer more room and the boy curled up against her. Her lips pressed to his brow and she murmured silent words of comfort, stroking softly through his hair. Here, in the safety of her arms, he allowed himself to cry. The tears were silent, no loud sobs tearing from his chest, but Eli felt them all the same. The woman held him close, never once letting him go. Lulled by her presence, Carl found himself drifting off to sleep.

When his breathing evened out and his cheeks dried, Eli sighed softly. She knew it before, but this just made it more clear. Without a doubt, she would do anything at all for the three men in her bed. Anything at all, if only to make them smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks! Stay tuned next week for some more!


	54. Sunday Mornings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family bonding kind of morning, all five of them together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning everyone! It's Sunday again! 
> 
> I've only got the one chapter for you today, sorry about that. My brain has been elsewhere, I'll explain in the end notes rather than here.
> 
> I hope you like the family fluff!

Daryl groaned softly upon waking. Sometime in the night, he’d rolled away from the warmth of his bedmates, and in his half asleep state, he did his best to rectify that. Without opening his eyes, he rolled closer to the nearest body and threw an arm over their waist. The hunter almost fell asleep again. Almost. But the body he was holding did not belong to Eli, the form too big, and it didn’t belong to Rick, much too small. Shock woke him up better than a bucket of ice.

With little movement, Daryl popped his eyes open to peer at the stranger in their bed. His gaze softened when he recognized Carl’s face. The boy looked younger. His brow was no longer furrowed and lips slightly parted in sleep. Carefully, so as not to wake him, the hunter pulled his arm back and rolled away. He stood to dress silently. It took him a moment to find everything he was looking for, but Eli had been very thorough in her organization. Somewhere between pulling on his pants and shirt, he heard movement from behind him. Daryl turned, hoping he hadn’t woken anyone. 

Eli’s dark eyes watched him. She was sitting up slightly, gazing at him beneath tired lashes. Daryl’s expression softened as he took her in. The woman was clearly still locked in sleep’s embrace. It took her several hazy blinks and nearly a minute to say anything. 

_ -Where go?- _

She was too tired to sign anything else. Daryl watched with amusement and something more as she shoved a lock of hair out of her face. One arm was tucked under Carl’s head, seemingly trapped. Daryl opted to sign back rather than wake the boy.

_ -Going to get Judy. Know where she might be?- _

_ -Maggie.- _

The hunter gave Eli a small smile. Even if she could speak, she would’ve been answering him in grunts. Clearly not a morning person.

_ -Lay back down. You could use the rest, especially after last night.- _

Eli snorted, covering her face to muffle the sound. She flipped him the bird and curled up with Carl once more. As Daryl made to leave, he heard the softest hum. He turned back in time for Eli to blow him a kiss. A blush stained his ears and cheeks pink. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to all the affection Eli rained down on him.

\------------------------

The hunter strode silently towards Glenn and Maggie’s cell. He heard a soft wuffling from within, telling him that Judith was awake and ready to eat. Before she could work herself into a cry, he hurried inside. 

Maggie was sitting up, her back resting against the wall and Judith bouncing in her lap. Glenn was still sleeping, or at least trying to, his body preventing the girls from getting up. When she caught sight of Daryl, Maggie’s worried expression eased to one of relief. 

“There you are,” she whispered. “Judy’s been askin’ for one of you since she woke up.”

Daryl leaned over to take her. The baby grabbed onto his hair as soon as it was within reach, tugging it with abandon. Her little lips smacked wetly against his cheek and he returned the kiss. Maggie smiled at them. It was nice to see the normally gruff man soften up a bit. 

“She been awake long?” he spoke lowly, trying not to disturb Glenn.

Maggie shook her head.

“Not long, fifteen minutes maybe. You seen Carl?”

Daryl nodded.

“Woke up to him in my bed. He’s up there with Rick and Eli, they’re still sleepin.”

Relief painted her features again, sudden enough that Daryl worried.

“He alrigh’?”

Maggie gnawed on her lip, debating what she should reveal. On one hand, Carl hadn’t given her permission to disclose what they’d discussed. On the other, this was Daryl, a man the boy considered a father figure. Maybe he could help.

“No,” she shook her head, “he’s strugglin’ Daryl.”

“‘Bout his mom?”

“He’s calling her Lori now. Carl says she didn’t love him. I think it’s hurtin’ him for than he’s letting on.”

Daryl chewed on his lip, nodding at her words. He shifted Judy in his arms.

“What do I do?”

Maggie was relieved to hear him ask that question. Daryl loved that boy, no doubt about it anymore. The problem was…

“I don’t know. Just, just be there for him?”

He nodded again. That was all he could do. Daryl wasn’t much with words, they struggled past his lips. But listening was something he was good at. Carl was as good as his son, though he’d never say it aloud. No matter the reassurances of Rick, it felt wrong. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be there for the boy like his daddy never was for him. He’d be there. He’d be kind and strong and comforting for Carl. Without another word, he nodded goodbye and left the cell. 

Daryl carried a very awake Judith down to the kitchen, tucking her up against his chest beneath his sweatshirt. The baby giggled at the closeness, squirming to get a feel for her new position.

“You like that girly? Like bein’ close to me?”

“Da da,” she cooed at him.

He blinked at her. That sounded like she was trying to say Daddy Daryl. The second da had a hard A to it. Someone’d been teaching her words while they were gone. 

“You talkin’ now sweetheart? You say Daddy? Daddy Rick?”

“Da Da, Da Rih” she pouted, eyes flicking around the space.

“Good girl, yeah I know. Daddy Rick ain’t here right now. How ‘bout we get you a bottle and go see him. He’s in the nest with Mama Eli and Carl.”

“Mama Eh!” Judith screeched the woman’s name. 

“And Carl too, don’t forget your big brother.” 

“Carl.” His name was spoken clearly. 

Well, it was only one syllable. Daryl prepped Judith’s bottle as quickly as he could. Once he was done, he tucked it up against Judith’s chest and snuggled her tighter into his sweater. There was a good bit of blondish hair sprouting from her head. It wouldn’t be enough to protect her from the early morning chill. He pulled the neck of his sweater over her, much to her giggling delight. Together they loped across the yard to the nest. 

Once inside and up the stairs, Daryl let Judith pop her head back out. The baby chuckled at their new game. Very carefully, the hunter extracted her from his sweater. He wrapped her in the blanket lying in her makeshift crib and fed her her bottle. While she guzzled it, she peered up at him with bright blue eyes. He watched her back, stormy blues glued to her soft face. After a moment, he began to hum. The tune was nameless, but she settled back into his arms just a bit more. So consumed by Judith, he didn’t hear movement behind him. Warm arms wrapped around his waist and held tight to his hips.

“Mornin’ lover,” Rick’s voice was gravel with sleep and right in his ear. 

Daryl suppressed a shiver. Rick pressed a kiss to his temple and rested his chin on the hunter’s shoulder. 

“And good morning to you too Judy.”

The baby gazed at him and signed his name with one hand. 

“She’s talkin’ now, did you notice?” Daryl asked softly.

Rick nodded, his chin prodding Daryl. 

“Yeah, Beth was teachin’ her some stuff.”

“Said your name inside. Da Rih.”

The man chuckled.

“Bet she said yours first. Maggie have her?”

Daryl nodded then. He debated telling Rick about Carl, but decided against it. Bringing up Lori didn’t seem like the best idea. Especially not since Rick had decided to go ahead with their relationship. Things were new and Daryl selfishly wanted to keep things relatively happy this early on. Carl would tell him when he was ready. It wasn’t Daryl’s place to rat the boy out. 

“You’re beautiful.”

The hunter startled. That was out of nowhere.

“I’m a guy. Ain’t beautiful.”

Rick disagreed, tightening his hold on his lover.

“You are. Woke up and the first thing I see is you, sunrise comin’ up behind you. Makes your hair look like fire you know. And you’re singing to Judy, feedin’ her. That’s beautiful to me. You’re beautiful to me.”

Daryl blushed, the heat of it warming Rick’s face where they touched. For a long moment, he wasn’t sure how to respond. 

“Ain’t you cold?”

Rick snorted. Terrible way to weasel out of a compliment. But leave it to Daryl to change the subject. Rick was still wearing the boxers he’d gone to bed in, but he’d pulled on a shirt as well. His legs were bare and exposed to the chill.

“Nope. Furnace, remember. It’s a good thing Eli sleeps between us, otherwise we might cook each other to death.”

“I don’t run hot.”

“No?”

Rick’s hand slid up under the hunter’s shirt. Daryl shivered at the contact, his stomach muscles rippling under the attention. Rick’s hand did feel a bit cold against his skin, but not jarringly so. 

“You feel pretty warm to me.”

Daryl came to his senses before Rick could turn his brain to mush. He batted at the ex-sheriff's arm. Judy was just finishing her bottle and would need to be burped. Rick backed away, fetching a rag from the stack Eli made. Before he could hand it to Daryl, he noticed something different about his bed.

“Is that Carl?”

He asked it a bit louder than intended. One of the lumps in the bed moved groggily. Rick danced away from the masses, handing the hunter the rag and hiding behind him slightly. Daryl rolled his eyes and got down to the business of burping Judy. 

“What’re you hidin’ for. Ain’t like he’s never seen you naked. And you’ve got way more clothes on than those times.”

Rick frowned at him.

“This is different!” he insisted, “last night we-”

Daryl cut him off with a look. He wasn’t ashamed of what they were doing, but saying it aloud while Carl was in the room was stupid. The lump finally stopped moving and a very sleepy looking Eli emerged.

_ -So noisy. What the hell.- _

She glared around the room. If she hadn’t been so tired still, she would have laughed. Rick still hid behind Daryl, who looked like he’d given up on the man. Judith burped once, very loudly and turned around to see who everyone was looking at.

“Mama Eh!” she screeched.

Eli’s eyes widened and she grinned. 

_ -Good morning Judy. It’s nice to see you.- _

“Mama Eh, Mama Eh, Mama Eh!”

The little girl chanted, kicking her legs in excitement. Daryl headed towards the bed and placed Judy down on it. With difficulty, she walked her way over to Eli. There were several times that she tripped, but the softness of the blankets and bed prevented any damage. Before she could reach her, the second lump in the bed started to move. A groan sounded from within, giving the baby a shock. Eli watched with trepidation to see if she was going to cry. Surprisingly, the little girl’s face hardened with a look of determination and she marched right over to the lump. With both tiny hands, she tugged hard on the covers. In a second, Carl’s head was revealed and Judith sucked in a big breath.

“Bruh Carl!” she shouted his name.

The boy groaned again and struggled to burrow back into the blankets. Judith fought with him, shrieking every time she managed to uncover him again. Daryl leaned back against Rick’s chest.

“Now might be a good time to get pants,” he murmured. 

Rick jumped. Scrambling to action, he threw on the closest pair (Daryl’s) and tugged on some socks. By the time he’d finished, Judith had apparently won the battle. She was perched on her big brother’s chest and cooing at him. Her hands moved in rapid sign language and she was speaking along side it. Most of it was gibberish, but Carl could make out the occasional ‘Beth’ ‘Chonne’ and a few random words. He nodded along like he understood, taking his sister’s pauses to ask a question or hum agreement. 

The adults watched them with pride and love in their eyes. After a few minutes, Eli kicked off the blankets and made her escape. 

_ -Carl, shut your eyes. I need to get dressed.- _

The boy blushed and squeezed his eyes shut. Judith laughed at the face he made. Her joy turned into a disgruntled pout when Carl’s hand clamped over her face. Eli snorted a laugh and blew a kiss to her men. With little fanfare, she dropped the boxers and plucked a pair of underwear from her pile. Sliding them on, she glanced back to gauge the reaction from Rick and Daryl. 

Rick was eyeing her with obvious hunger, though he didn’t say anything aloud. Daryl licked his lips and signed to her.

_ -You teasing us sunshine? Or asking for another round?- _

She felt color rise to her cheeks but didn’t back down. As slowly and sensually as she could, she pulled her shirt over her head. The thought of her scars made some of her confidence diminish, but one look back calmed her nerves. They were still looking at her the same, maybe a bit fiercer than before. A low growl made its way past Daryl’s lips. Rick took a step towards her before catching himself. Because Carl was in the room, there was nothing they could do to Eli. She knew it and was flaunting it. Teasing them for the hell of it. An idea popped into Rick’s head. 

Eli had tugged on her shirt and turned back to the boys, only to be met by a mouth-watering surprise. Rick held Daryl’s face with both hands. They were lip-locked, mouths moving in tandem against each other. Eli saw a tongue slip between them, though she couldn’t say whose. She swallowed hard. So much for teasing them, they’d turned the tables. She’d stepped closer without realizing, cheeks pink and pulse racing. A throat being cleared brought a stop to all three of them.

“I can hear you still,” Carl’s voice was almost shrill. “God, there are children present!”

The three adults had the decency to look chagrined, Daryl completely mortified and bright red. Carl took the silence as an okay to open his eyes. He peeked through his fingers, grinning when he caught sight of his parents. Judy squealed to be released as well. It was Eli who caught his teasing expression first and she beamed back at him. 

_ -Just you wait love. Someday, we’ll catch you kissing someone and you better believe that we’ll give you hell for it.- _

He groaned and looked to Rick for some kind of assistance.

“Don’t look at me! I’ll be right there with her to make fun of you. It’s a parent’s job to embarrass their kids.”

Carl turned his pleading look on Daryl. The hunter shifted a bit, still uncomfortable that he’d been caught. 

“You can always come hide out with me,” his lovers made noises of protest, “Don’t look at me like that, three on one ain’t fair. Gotta even the playin’ field.”

Carl grinned at him, pleased that he would have at least one ally if he ever found someone he liked. His grin turned to raucous laughter. Eli had tackled the hunter, wrestling with him on the floor in jest. Daryl was laughing, the sound music to everyone’s ears. Eli was mouthing threats at the man since her hands were busy and Daryl easily kept her at bay. She finally managed to pin his hands under her knees, grinning in triumph. Daryl didn’t ‘pout’ per say (he did, but he’d never admit it) but he frowned at her. She bent at the waist and pressed a kiss to his nose. When she was through, she showed no intention of letting him up. He shot a look at Rick.

The man rolled his eyes but stomped over to help regardless. With ease, he lifted Eli by her hips and tossed her towards the bed. A squeak escaped her throat when she landed. Carl looked at her in concern.

“How’s your ankle?”   


Guilt etched over Rick’s face, Daryl’s too. They’d forgotten about that in the commotion.

_ -It’s fine, didn’t land on it. Just never been literally thrown across the room. I’m not built for flying.- _

She stuck her tongue out at Rick. The man chuckled.

“Well, now that we’re all up, we better get started on the day. What do you say Carl?”

The boy nodded at his dad. He and Rick were going to work on the field today, after so long with Michonne being the only caretaker, there was bound to be plenty to do. Plush, with the frost setting in, they’d need to harvest as much as they could. 

“Yeah,” he replied, “What are you doing today Daryl?”

“Gonna work on the bus. If we can get that up and runnin’ we have a better chance of gettin’ out if somethin’ goes south.”

Eli nodded. That was a good idea. The prison seemed strong, but all it would take was one big herd passing through to wipe out their fences. 

_ -Do you have go bags?- _

The three boys tilted their heads at her in confusion. Her mouth opened in shock.

_ -You don’t know what those are?- _

Three head shakes and Eli wanted to pull out her hair. Honestly, how these people survived so long was a mystery to her.

_ -A go bag is an emergency supply bag in case you need to get out quick. What use is a bus if you’ve got no food or medical supplies?- _

They looked guilty. That kind of logic would have saved them a lot of trouble when they left the farm. Carl had a thought.

“Did you have a go bag? When Carol brought you back, she said you had nothing.

_ -Of course I did. But you forget I was out there for a year. A bag of supplies won’t last that long. The goal is more of a week or two. At least on certain things.- _

Looking between the three, she nodded once to herself.

_ -Looks like I know what I’m doing today. It never hurts to be prepared. Judy will help me, won’t you baby?- _

Judy saw her name signed and shrieked again. 

“Mama Eh! Help help help help.”

Everyone smiled at the little girl’s enthusiasm.

“Beth would help too sunshine, maybe ask the Woodbury people?”

She nodded. That was a good idea. Besides, she missed her friend. It’d only been a few days, but still. Eli stood, scooping Judith up and securing her against her hip. She walked to the boys and kissed them each on the cheek, much to Carl’s embarrassment. Before she could reach the door, Rick called out to her.

“Do you need someone to carry you down darlin’?”

Eli shook her head.

_ -We’re going down on our butts. Aren’t we sweetheart?- _

With that, she left. The sound of Judith’s laughter echoed through the stairwell and the boys all grinned to each other.

“I like her,” Carl said once.

Rick and Daryl nodded in agreement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I'm actually writing a novel currently, have been for a bit. I hit a major road block in it (writers block) about two months ago. Right around the time I started posting for this story. I hoped that posting it and having to hit deadlines (every sunday) would help me defeat my issues with my novel. It took a while! But this past week it was like flipping a switch. All it took was a word popping into my brain and I was ready to go! 
> 
> So I've been writing that rather than this, but I'm still going to update weekly on this. You may only get one chapter tho instead of three. But there will be updates! Plus we are ramping up here to some pretty exciting and action packed adventures. It may not seem like it, but we are! 
> 
> Hopefully you guys will continue to read and enjoy the story! Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments, it really helps me motivation wise to write. 
> 
> I may pop out one more chapter today, but we'll see!  
> ~ModernElectricity


	55. Them's Fightin' Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli's plan for a community building activity backfires in a bad way. Beth shows her badassery at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said maybe you'd get another chapter and here it is! A little short, but fun an exciting!

Eli and Beth walked hand in hand towards the mess hall. Judith was secured in a sling against the older woman’s chest, nodding off. After her idea to create go bags, Eli had rushed off to find her friend. The blonde thought it was a wonderful idea. She and Eli had spent the last two days making lists of everything they thought they’d need, and how much of it. The composed an estimate of the number of people in their group as well. Once that was settled, all that was left was to start. Beth thought Carol might have spare bags, so they headed there first.

Their entrance into the hall garnered several looks. The original group from the farm all smiled at the pair. Beth and Eli were a bit of a dynamic duo. Whenever they got together, something good was bound to happen. Plus, seeing two of their younger members being close warmed their hearts a bit. And Judith was just the icing on the cake. 

But some people, namely the people from Woodbury, sent disapproving looks their way. Eli was blissfully ignorant, her mind set on speaking to Carol. But Beth noticed. Her normally sweet features twisted up in confusion and then into a sneer. She wouldn’t have people looking down on them. Not that she could pin down  _ why _ they were glaring. They didn’t dare speak up, at least not with so many others around. All Beth could do was squeeze Eli’s hand harder and march past with her head held high.

Eli gave her a funny look, returning the squeeze, but before she could ask, Carol was walking up to greet them.

“Girls! Good to see you back together. Not getting into any mischief are we?”

Her expression was stern with an edge of motherly fondness. Eli released Beth to tell Carol her plan.

_ -This morning I was talking with the boys and they said that you guys don’t have go bags.- _

Carol smiled at her words. She called Rick and Daryl ‘boys’, wasn’t that a hoot. 

_ -So I thought maybe me and Beth could make some. And if anyone else wants to help, they could as well. The Woodbury people still haven’t quite assimilated with the rest of the group yet. Maybe this would help.- _

“That sounds like a wonderful idea. I’m surprised no one came up with it sooner. Now, what do you need from me?”

This time Beth answered.

“Well for starters, we need bags. Maybe access to some of the food reserves, if we have any to spare. I’m gonna ask Daddy if he has any spare bandages at the least.”

_ -And clothes, just socks and sweatshirts but if anyone has some to spare, that would help. I’m hoping for a bottles of water as well.- _

Carol nodded, that sounded doable. And if they ended up running low on food come winter, it wasn’t like they couldn’t just empty out the go bags.

“Alright. I’ll gather up some backpacks for you and canned goods. Go talk to Hershel about the bandages and you can ask the Woodbury people for help.”

Before they could scurry off, Carol forced a bowl of venison stew into their hands. Her face promised wrath if they didn’t take time to eat it. They traded the bowls for Judith, and Carol set about making her a bottle. They waved goodbye and headed back to the Woodbury table. Eli knew they didn’t understand sign language. Confident that Beth would explain their plan, she tucked into her soup. Trailing behind the blonde, she missed the hateful looks aimed at her. Once again, Beth didn’t. Straightening her back, she took a deep breath to speak.

“Good afternoon,” she began. “Eli and I have an idea and we were wondering if you’d like to help.”

Nobody answered. Hell, nobody even really met Beth’s eyes. The silence drew Eli’s attention and she peered around her friend. 

“We are going to prepare go bags, they’ll be useful in case of an emergency. If you guys wanted to pitch in, we’ll be doing it in the library in an hour. Or, you could give supplies to help fill them. I thought, well, we thought, it would be a good bonding experience between our groups. Maybe merge us a bit better.”

Still nobody spoke. Eli felt confusion and a coil of something like anger curl in her gut. Beth was holding strong, staring down each person at the table, but they weren’t budging. Eli had enough. She set down her bowl and stepped around Beth. Now people were looking, their eyes dark and angry.

_ -Why aren’t you listening?- _ Eli rapped on the table twice, bringing more attention to herself.  _ -Beth was speaking to you.- _

Someone at the table snorted in disgust. Eli flicked her eyes around, trying to find the person.

_ -Do you have something to say?- _

Beth wasn’t translating for her, not sure she’d be able to control her temper. 

_ -Well?- _

The same person that snorted let out a pitying sigh. She stood, turning to face the pair.

“We don’t know sign language. You should know that by now. And we don’t fucking want to be a part of your team building experience. If you hadn’t killed the governor, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

Eli blinked. She’d not expected hostility from people that she considered to be part of the group. 

“You watch your mouth,” Beth seethed, “that man deserved to die. He attacked us for no reason and we took you in because you  _ asked _ . Rick could have let you all rot out there, but he voted to let you be part of the group.”

A few people seated shifted uncomfortably. That much was true, and it was made known at the time. So not everyone believed what this woman did, but they were too scared to say anything. Eli grew furious at their cowardice.

_ -I won’t apologize for what I did to your governor. He was going to kill- _

She was cut off.

“What part of we don’t fucking know sign language did you not understand? Stupid bitch.”

Once more Eli was caught off guard by the woman’s words. Seemingly fueled by her stunned lack of reaction, she pressed on.

“You waltz into the goddamn camp, right at the end of the battle. You shot our leader, the man that kept us safe, kept us comfortable. And within days you’ve weaseled your way into the heart of this group. You’ve got the two strongest men in camp wrapped around your little finger, and apparently that’s not enough for you.”

Confusion was making Eil’s head spin. What the fuck was this woman talking about? Beth, however, knew exactly what she was saying. Rage burned bright in her face, staining her cheeks red and making her blood pound in her temples. Her fists bunched up by her sides.

“You shut up. You have no idea what you’re talking about,” the blonde hissed.

“What? Afraid I’ll reveal something you don’t want people to know. Rick and Daryl weren’t enough for you, were they Eli? Now you’re even fucking Beth. You little slut.”

Before Eli could even process  _ that _ little tidbit, Beth had lept into action. The blonde had bodily launched herself at the other woman, throwing her to the ground. Once there, she pinned her arms down and started raining blows down on her pretty little face. Eli stared, mouth agape, as the scene unravelled. Several people tried to pull Beth off the Woodbury woman, but to no avail. One man landed a particularly hard kick to her ribs and Eli jumped to defend her. Beth beat the woman to near unconsciousness while Eli kept the other’s away from her. The older woman kept trying to catch her friend’s eye, to plead her to let the woman go, but Beth wasn’t looking. Eli winced as her ankle rolled again, but fought through it. Someone was screaming, several people were shouting, and Eli felt sure that she was going to lose it. 

Beth fought like a woman possessed. Her knuckles were bloody and the skin was cracking. How dare this woman speak to Eli like that! She’d been through enough in her short life, she deserved some happiness. Beth loved her very much, but it was the love of two friends. To accuse Eli of cheating on Rick and Daryl tore something inside her. But the woman under her wasn’t just taking the blows, she was getting in a few of her own. She’d managed to wriggle an arm free and had scratched Beth’s face hard, pulled on her hair, and landed a couple of sloppy punches. Before Beth could really do lasting damage to the fucking bitch, she felt herself being pulled backwards, away from the fray. 

Strong arms encircled her stomach and she fought hard to escape them. 

“That’s enough,” a voice murmured in her ear, “that’s enough Beth.”

It was Michonne. The woman held her tight and close, preventing her from rejoining the fight. She looked around wildly for Eli. The dark haired woman was being held back by Tara, who seemed to be standing in front of her rather protectively. The ringing in Beth’s ears prevented her from hearing what was being said, but Tara was shouting at the woman who started the fight. Sound filtered back, and she struggled to hear Tara.

“What the fuck Lydia?” she was screaming, “What the fuck is the matter with you?”

“It’s her fault!” Lydia shouted back, “It’s that fucking harlot's fault!”

Beth inhaled sharply and fought harder against Michonne’s grasp. If anything, she just held on tighter.

“Be calm Beth, look at Eli, listen to me. Keep calm. You need to calm down for Eli.”

The blonde forced herself to relax. She refocused on Tara and Lydia. 

“I saw the whole thing! Eli didn’t start it! What’s the matter with you? I thought you wanted to be part of the group, you voted for it.”

Lydia’s face, mottled by blood, twisted into a sneer.

“I did, until that little whore decided she was going to fuck Rick. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she scooped up the next best thing as well, the redneck hunter.”

Now it was Eli’s turn to struggle. Tara spent time trying to keep her back, away from Lydia, before answering.

“What does it matter? Who Eli’s with is no ones business but her own and the people in the relationship.”

“It was supposed to be me!” Lydia’s cry was desperate. “I was supposed to be with Rick, or at the very least Daryl. I’m supposed to be beside the leader, not her. She’s not even pretty, I mean look at her. Her nose is crooked, she’s flat as a board. We’ve all seen her scars, nothing about her says sexy. Who in their right mind would fuck her? Who would choose her over someone like me? She doesn’t even talk, just does her stupid little hand gestures.”

Eli had shrunk with each blow Lydia dealt. All of her insecurities, and this woman had hit them all on the head. She shook her head, mind racing. Her posture screamed submission and Lydia let loose a triumphant grin.

“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?”

That was the last goddamn straw. Beth kicked Michonne hard in the shin and wriggled free from her hold. In a second she was back at Lydia’s throat. She only managed to land a few hits before being ripped off her again. Michonne tossed her aside like she weighed nothing. They faced off, both standing defensively. 

“Beth, now’s not the time. Look at Eli. Look at your friend.”

Beth couldn’t tear her eyes from Michonne’s face. The woman looked dangerous, hand on the hilt of her sword. Something in the blonde knew that she’d never raise her blade to her, but she did her best to head Michonne’s words. With great difficulty, she shifted her attention to her friend. Eli was hunched down, curled in on herself. Tara still stood before her, protecting her from Lydia. The blonde refocused on Michonne.

“Go get Rick. Get Daryl. Eli needs them now. I can handle this.” 

Beth ran off, sparing one last glance at her near catatonic friend. When she was gone, Michonne strode to Lydia and leaned close to her face. The bloodied woman took a step back.

“Never, ever, lay hands on them again. Not Eli, not Beth. Don’t even fucking look at them. I know who you are. You were the governor’s whore weren’t you?”

Lydia blushed, the color barely showing beneath the bruises and blood.

“Yeah, I remember. Thought you’d be able to be in that same position here. Let me tell you something. If you go near them, any of them, I’ll kill you. If you talk to Rick, Daryl, Eli, Carl, hell even Judith, I will run you through with my sword and leave you for the walkers. Do you understand me?”

Lydia nodded quickly. Michonne had spoken so quietly that only she had heard. Once she was sure she’d been understood, the swordswoman twisted Lydia’s arm up and marched her out of the room. Over her shoulder, she called out to Tara.

“Watch her Tara. They’re coming, but stay with Eli until they do. Did you see where Carol went?”

The woman nodded, still shocked at what had happened.

“Yeah, she took Judy out before the fight started.”

“Good. You tell Rick as soon as he gets here. Don’t make him worry about where his baby is too.”

With that, Michonne escorted Lydia to a cell and locked her in. With a sneer, she leaned close to the bars, offering one last threat.

“You better hope,” she spit, “that Eli doesn’t tell those men exactly what you said.”

“Wh-what will happen if she does?” Lydia’s voice trembled.

It seemed as though she’d finally grasped that what she’d done was wrong. Or maybe just stupid.

“My sword is not the only thing you need to fear.”

With that, she turned to wait. Soon enough, one of the men would be down to see Lydia. Until then, Michonne would make sure Beth didn’t come back down to kill the woman. Even if she secretly hoped she would. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not trying to write Eli as a princess that needs to be saved, but I figured since I made the boys face their insecurities already, I need to make Eli do the same. Also! She's got some PTSD related stuff to being called a whore and a slut. You recall that her mommy accused her of such things when she was 13. Among other things
> 
> So that's all for this week folks! Stay tuned for the next update!


	56. Rounding Up the Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth goes on a hunt to find Eli's men and explain what went down in the process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap! 2500 hits! 
> 
> I wanna take this opportunity to thank you all for reading and for leaving comments and kudos. I couldn't keep going without you guys! 
> 
> For reals, it means a lot that you continue to read when I update, thanks so much!

Daryl was elbow deep in the guts of an old school bus. They’d barely managed to get the thing back to prison when they first found it, and it was about time he fixed it up. Merle had taught him a thing or two about cars before this whole mess started. He had just finished replacing the battery when he heard footsteps. Turning around, he caught sight of Beth jogging over to him. He started to wave in greeting when he saw her face. 

In the light of day, Beth was looking a whole hell of a lot worse than she felt. Still riding high on her adrenaline rush, she didn’t feel the split lip and eyebrow. Her cheekbone was a dark red, already starting to bruise. There was the slightest trickle of blood running down her temple from where her hair had been ripped out.  _ She _ may not have noticed, but Daryl damn well did. Before she could even reach him, he’d sprinted to close the distance. He reached out to touch her face, something he’d never done with anyone. Beth felt the ghost of a smile flit around her lips at the gesture. His fingers were calloused and oily against her tender skin. He prodded gently at her cheek.

“Y’all right Beth?”

Now she did smile, honest and blinding. 

“I feel great. You should see the other guy.”

Daryl felt himself relax slightly at that and let out a chuckle. He’d have to take her word for it. Before he could ask  _ why _ she was bloodied and bruised, Beth blurted out something that made his blood run cold.

“I’m fine, but Eli might need some TLC.”

His face was mutinous. Beth was confused at the fury she found in the hunter’s eyes for half a second. When she realized why he was so pissed, she rushed to set things right.

“No, no no no, Daryl she’s not the other guy,” she placed placating hands on his chest. “Some bitch was shit talking her and I jumped her. Eli is fine, no one laid hands on her, though she kicked ass too. I just think her confidence is a little shaken right now. Lydia, the woman I attacked, said some things that hit a little close to home. I thought Eli could use some reassuring from you.”

Daryl looked less and less likely to rip Beth apart with each word she spoke. When she mentioned that Lydia had said something to Eli, the anger was back, but redirected. If Beth hadn’t been holding him back, he would have charged into the prison right then. He took a deep breath to calm his temper. Curiosity grew as the rage shrunk.

“Why’d you come to me? Why not find Rick?” he asked.

Beth snorted and shook her head. Leave it to Daryl to try and analyze everything, though she was proud that he finally was voicing things. 

“Saw you first. Stop questioning my motives and go find your woman.”

Daryl’s lips twitched. Without another word, he stalked towards the prison. Once he was out of sight, Beth sighed. So that had been a lie. She’d gone to Daryl first for a couple reasons. First, last time Rick had been the one to care for Eli. She didn’t want to reinforce the idea in Daryl’s mind that he came second to Rick. Eli saw them both as equals and Beth understood that. Second, she thought the ex-cop might do a bit better dealing with Lydia. While Rick had a temper a mile wide, once she explained everything she was confident he’d be able to handle things a bit more rationally. Daryl felt a lot and sometimes his feelings led him to commit rash acts.

Turning on her heel, she headed back inside. Her daddy and Rick were supposed to be discussing plans for the upcoming winter today, and hopefully she’d find them both together. She passed Carol on the way up and paused to explain the situation. The older woman’s eyes had hardened.

“It’s a good thing I wasn’t there. I don’t think I would have gone as easy on her as you did.”

The way she said it, Beth felt uneasiness settle in her gut. There was no doubt that Carol had come a long way from being a cowering housewife. 

“She’s alright, and Daddy will figure out what to do with Lydia. I sent Daryl up to find Eli.”

Carol nodded. Daryl was the right man for the job. He wasn’t much for words, but he had a way of making you feel better when you were down. After Sophia, he’d done a lot. Just bringing her the Cherokee Rose had been enough to soothe her aching heart. 

“Well, you did the right thing then. Why don’t you take Judy up to see Rick. I’m sure she misses her daddy, don’t you?”

Judith yawned in Carol’s arms and sleepily signed for Rick. After her bottle, she got very snuggly. Beth jumped at the opportunity to hold the little girl. Carol handed her off with a soft kiss.

“There you are, gonna go keep your daddy in line, aren’t you?” she cooed at the baby. To Beth she said, “Having her there should keep Rick’s temper in check. As much as I don’t like that woman right now, I don’t necessarily want her dead. We can’t have another Randall situation. Not again.”

The blonde nodded in agreement. The Rick they knew back on the farm was sometimes out of control, especially when it came to his family being threatened. With this in mind, she and Judy waved and headed to the ‘infirmary’. 

“Daddy,” she called as she walked into the cell. 

To her surprise, it wasn’t just him and Rick inside. Maggie was perched on a stool in the corner, taking notes. When her big sister caught sight of Beth’s face, she rushed over. 

“Bethy! What happened to you?”

Beth batted at her sister with one hand. Rick was standing now as well and she handed over his daughter. Judith cooed at her daddy and reached to tangle her pudgy fingers in his beard. After a quick kiss to his little girl, he turned back to the blonde. He was looking hard at Beth, waiting for an explanation. Hershel just looked exasperated. The old man sighed heavily and raised a brow. 

“Have you been fighting again?”

Rick and Maggie turned to stare at Hershel. Again? When had sweet little Beth ever laid hands on someone else? Looking back at the blonde, they were even more shocked to see her grinning.

“Daddy, she deserved it!”

Hershel rolled his eyes.

“Like that little neighbor boy did? What was his name, Steve?”

“Stevey was a nasty little boy who asked to peek up my skirt. It seemed fitting to give him a black eye.”

Maggie felt her jaw drop. How much had she missed while she was running away and at college?

“Well, who was it this time then?” Hershel had the patience of a saint.

“Lydia.”

“And what did Miss Lydia do to incur your wrath?”

Now Beth bit her lip, releasing when it shot a spark of pain through her. She glanced at Rick. He was holding onto Judith securely, being lulled by her rhythmic tugging on his hair. 

“Lydia was being a bitch-”

“Language Beth!”

“-and said some awful things to Eli. She wasn’t fighting back, so I did.” Beth paused, thoughtful. “Though it looked like she might haul off when Lydia called Daryl a redneck. Some of the shit she was saying was clearly hurting Eli, so I attacked her. I don’t regret it, and I won’t say sorry.”

Hershel sighed at his youngest’s antics. Maggie was looking at her in a new light. She’d always seen Beth as some sweet thing that needed to be protected. Hell, she’d gone out of her way to keep her safe, even before the walkers. But Beth had selflessly defended her friend, getting beaten in return, all without Maggie there to help. She reached out to stroke a hand through her little sister’s hair.

“Well I’m proud of you-”

“Maggie! Don’t tell your sister you’re proud that she attacked someone!”

“Daddy, she’s a big girl now. All grown up. I’m proud that she did what she thought was right.”

Rick flicked his gaze back and forth between the sisters and Hershel, feeling like he was in some sort of episode of the Twilight Zone. After a moment, the novelty of Beth’s heroism wore off. His eyes hardened and he spoke to the blonde single mindedly.

“What did Lydia say to Eli that was so horrible you had to intervene?”

He spoke through grit teeth, in stark contrast to his gentle hold on Judith. Beth held her head high and leveled him with a stare. 

“You have to promise not to kill her.”

“Beth!” Maggie exclaimed.

“Now, I hardly think Rick’s gonna-” Hershel turned to look at the man and cut himself off. 

Rick did look furious. More angry than anyone had ever seen. The blonde’s words did nothing to soothe his worries about what had happened. What had happened that was so bad she wanted him to promise no retaliation? He was locked in a staring contest with her. Maggie looked on helplessly, knowing Beth would budge an inch without Rick’s word. Hershel couldn’t believe how quickly Rick had gone from calm to murderous. The man had been fine, happy even, before Beth walked in. 

“Beth,” Rick warned.

“Rick.” She was firm.

Finally, Rick looked away with a sigh. Hershel and Maggie both released a breath they hadn’t realized they’d been holding. 

“I won’t kill her. What did she say?”

“Well, me and Eli were holding hands when we went into the mess hall. A couple of the Woodbury people were glaring at us, but she didn’t notice. I did. We went to invite them to help us make go bags and they were ignoring me. Eli wasn’t talking or really paying attention. She knows most of them don’t know sign language so she figured I should do the explaining.”

Rick nodded, motioning with one hand for her to get on with it. Beth huffed and shot him a glare, but continued.

“So when no one is answering me, Eli notices and steps in. She starts signing, asking why they’re ignoring me. Eventually, Lydia stands up and starts ripping into her. Tell’s Eli that no one knows sign language and it’s stupid that she can’t speak. Then she calls Eli a whore.”

“What?” Maggie was outraged. “Eli is the sweetest, most caring person I know. Why would Lydia think that?”

“Well, she saw me and Eli holding hands and accuses Eli of -excuse me daddy- fucking me too. Lydia starts ranting about how Eli took the best men and now she’s just going after anyone. Says that she took Rick, the leader, and then she took the second best as well. Daryl. She called Daryl a redneck and Eli looked like she was gonna tear out her throat.”

“Why would she say all this Beth?” Hershel had to know, completely confused.

“She’s jealous. She wanted Rick for herself.”

Rick looked disgusted.

“As if I’d touch that woman. She was the governor’s wife, wasn’t she?”

Beth shook her head.

“No, just the governor’s pet. But being in a position of power must’ve gone to her head. She told Eli she was ugly, brought up her scars too. By this time, Eli’s kind of in a state of shocked disbelief. Not really responding or anything. So Lydia says, ‘Cat got your tongue?’ and I fucking decked her.”

Hershel didn’t even bother scolding his daughter. She’d defended her friend, that’s all there was to it. Rick looked both pleased and pissed. The twisting of his features was not pretty to look at and Beth grimaced. Hershel looked between them and sighed again.

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention Beth. We’ll have to call a council meeting to discuss what should be done. Why don’t you go and find Eli. I’m sure she could use some company right about now.”

Beth tilted her head thoughtfully.

“I should probably go tell Michonne she doesn’t need to guard Lydia anymore. Besides, I sent Daryl after Eli and I’d rather not walk in on anything.”

Rick let out a small smile at that. The idea of his lover’s together helped ease his troubled mind. But the first thing Beth said caught his attention.

“Why was Michonne guarding her?”

“Well no offense Rick, but you’re scary as hell sometimes. I didn’t want you or Daryl to get to her before I had a chance to explain everything. Michonne’s a smart woman, I imagine she locked Lydia up and is sitting guard right now. I just gotta find them.”

With that, she turned and skipped out of the cell. Rick was troubled. Did he let his temper get the best of him? Before he could dwell on it further, Hershel clapped a hand on his shoulder. 

“Come on son, let’s round everyone up. We can discuss punishment for both of them.”

“Both?” he asked, bewildered.

“While Beth’s intentions were good, she still attacked another member of the group. I want you to keep that in mind when we discuss what’s to be done with Lydia. She may have said some awful things, but Beth threw the first punch. They’ll both be punished.”

Rick’s brow furrowed. That was true. If he was to pass judgement with council on Lydia, he would need to do it without bias. He could always pass on this trial, but if he did, it would be difficult for him to move past this. What Beth said was true, he could be downright vicious at times. This was an opportunity for him to learn control. After all, the last thing he wanted to do was become a monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I made the comments about Rick's temper because towards the end of last season, he started leaning towards this scary monster man person that almost made me quit writing. I didn't want to be to OC (OOC?) with him and if he was gonna become this blood thirsty bananas man, I was gonna have a hard time writing him. SO! I'm hoping to move him to realize his faults a little sooner in my story. 
> 
> Also! I'm full of disease this week. Like super bad and I feel yucky and my brain isn't screwed on right so I apologize if there's any mistakes in the story. 
> 
> But! I'm gonna be writing the next chapter now (as soon as I post this one) so hopefully I'll get that out today. Being sick is making me wanna write a sick chapter, but that's not gonna be the next one. 
> 
> For real, I feel like a slug. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I appreciate the love!


	57. Self Control is an Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Eli both struggle with some insecurities. But there's a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday!
> 
> I could have split this into two chapters, but the first one is so little and what not so I'm just gonna leave the page break for reference points.
> 
> There is gonna be some sex! So be aware people. 
> 
> I've been super sick this whole week and busy with holiday crap so I apologize for any mistakes! I am my own beta fish.

While Beth hadn’t indicated where Eli might be, Daryl had a pretty good idea. His stomach had been growling for a while now which meant it was probably lunch time. Heading inside, he went straight to the mess hall. 

The blonde had said Eli was fine, but that woman was pretty damn good at hiding things. He couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. A bit of distance had grown between Daryl and his lovers. It wasn’t intentional and no one was to blame, but over the last few days they hadn’t really had time to be together. Carl had been climbing into the nest nearly every night, so no 'alone' time. Rick always managed to look a mix of put out and pleased. His relationship with Carl had been rocky prior to Eli coming into their lives and having his son close meant the world to him. 

Daryl understood, especially with what Maggie had told him. He did his best to just be there for everyone, a silent shoulder to lean on if they needed it. But the days had slipped by with nothing more than a few quick kisses and soft looks. They’d all be distracted. Winter brought back fears for the group; Rick worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep everyone fed, Daryl worried they wouldn’t have enough supplies to outlast the cold. And Eli… well, Daryl didn’t really know what was going on with her. The not knowing made the guilt grow and he picked up the pace. 

He stormed into the mess hall, ignoring everyone around him in favor of searching for Eli. The hunter’s keen eyes fell upon her dark hair. She was tucked into Tara’s side, the other woman speaking to her softly. Seeing her like that, she looked so small and vulnerable. Daryl caught himself before he ran over to her. The last thing Eli would want was him fawning over her. He went for another approach. 

With feigned nonchalance, the hunter swaggered around the girls and headed towards the stew pot. With deft hands, he poured himself a bowl and then a second for Eli. While he looked calm on the outside, inside he was itching to head to her. His strides were longer than usual as he crossed the room to her side.

“Sunshine, got you some stew,” he spoke lowly, making brief eye contact with Tara over her head.

Eli looked up, surprised to see him. She’d been missing her men, but Daryl was supposed to be working on the bus. Absentmindedly, she reached for the bowl he offered. 

_ -Thank you.- _ she looked down at it, slightly confused.  _ -I already had some though.- _

The hunter looked around, spotting an upended bowl lying on the floor a few yards away. His nostrils flared in anger. Luckily, Eli wasn’t watching his face. She wasn’t upset or sad or anything. Mostly, she just felt… wrongfooted. Daryl cleared his throat.

“Tha’s alright. You wanna eat with me? Thought we could go somewhere quiet, just us?”

Now Eli looked up. She met Daryl’s stormy eyes with the ghost of a smile on her lips. 

_ -Like a date?- _

Daryl resisted the urge to roll his eyes. His knee jerk reaction was to say no. But he and Eli hadn’t had a good deal of alone time. Dates weren’t really his thing, but he’d make an exception for her. 

“Yeah, like a date. Where d’you wanna go?”

Eli thought about it, warm bowl cradled in her hands. It wasn’t like there were a good deal of options. They could head to the catacombs, but that was dark and probably very cold. The showers weren’t really a good place for a date either. It was a bit chilly for a picnic. The nest was her first pick, but that was a shared space. It felt weird to go on a date with Daryl there but no Rick. She shrugged, signing with one hand.

_ -I’d like to get out from behind these walls for a bit. It’s a little cold though, and stew isn’t very portable.- _

“I’ll find you guys a couple thermoses,” Tara offered. 

Maybe Eli couldn’t feel it, but Daryl was radiating tension. Tara could tell that he was holding onto his control by the skin of his teeth. His eyes were flicking over every inch of skin he could see on her and every scrape brought his brows closer together. Tara could appreciate how much he cared about her and was amazed at his self control. If it had been her girlfriend that was verbally ripped to pieces, she would have been all over her. Without another word, Tara excused herself to get the thermoses. Daryl took her spot, pressing his leg against the length of Eli’s.

“I know a place, it isn’t too far. How’s your ankle holding up?”

The dark haired woman shrugged. It was twinging slightly, but it was more annoying than painful. Daryl frowned.

“That ain’t an answer sunshine. You good to do some walking?”

Eli rested her head on his arm and nodded against him.

_ -I’ll be fine. Where are we going?- _

“You’ll see. It’s a surprise.”

Daryl was more than a little alarmed by Eli’s reactions. She wasn’t herself, her answers were subdued, like she didn’t really care about the thing’s the hunter was asking. Before he could figure out how to broach the subject, Tara returned with a couple mismatched thermoses.

“Grabbed you a couple coats as well. Do you think you’ll be back soon?”

She handed the items to Daryl and watched as he carefully poured his and Eli’s stew into the containers. Eli pulled on the jacket and leaned back in her chair. She didn’t answer, letting Daryl since she didn’t know where they were headed.

“Yeah, we’ll be back before dark. Let Rick know, will you?”

Tara nodded. Her eyes followed the pair as they made their way towards the exit. Eli was her friend and she was concerned about the woman. She wasn’t panicking or furious, she was very still. The stillness was something Tara hadn’t seen in Eli before and it worried her. Hopefully Daryl would be able to pull her out of her funk. 

\-------------------------------------

Daryl led Eli through the woods by hand. The woman would smile at him when he looked back at her, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. They moved silently, in sync with each other. The trust Eli was putting in him didn’t go unnoticed by Daryl. She didn’t have a weapon, though he had stopped to grab his crossbow as they left. Eli hadn’t asked where they were going, simply followed the hunter and worked to pull herself out of whatever slump she was in. They were going on a date! The fact should have excited her to no end. She’d never been on a date before and Daryl was someone she cared for a great deal. To be alone with him despite how busy he was meant a lot to her. 

“Almost there,” he murmured. 

His voice barely registered, only just loud enough to hear. Eli nodded. Ahead she could see what appeared to be a small hunting cabin. There was rope strung low between the trees surrounding it. Cans and bottles hung from the rope, swaying in the wind. Daryl ducked below, careful not to knock into it, and Eli followed suit. He headed towards the door, motioning for Eli to hang back. Once he made sure the cabin was clear, he ushered her inside. 

It wasn’t much. Leaves littered the floor and a pile of blankets were pushed up against the back corner. There was a small fireplace that Daryl immediately set to lighting. Eli inspected a stack of wood piled near the door. It was dry, most of it consisting of fallen wood rather than fresh trees. That was good, it would burn quickly and hopefully feeling would come back to her fingers. She turned back to Daryl. The man was bent at the waist, messing with the kindling. Eli walked towards him, feeling immensely glad to be with him. The fire blazed to life just as she reached him.

Daryl stood up and tensed when arms wound around his hips. Eli sighed against his back. The hunter exhaled his surprise and laced his fingers with hers. Her hands were cold, in stark contrast to his own, and he held her tighter. The stood together a moment longer before he pressed a kiss to her knuckles and pulled away. Daryl dragged an oversized and moldy armchair closer to the fire and sat. He patted the space between his legs for Eli to perch. 

She grabbed the thermoses and curled up in the hunter’s lap. It wasn’t until the stew had been finished by the pair that either of them spoke. Eli was rested her head against Daryl’s chest, his fingers tracing invisible patterns across her arm. He wanted to broach the subject of the fight, but was unsure of how to do so. The longer he thought about it, the bigger the silence stretched between them. Eli was very introspective, not really noticing the pounding of Daryl’s heart against his ribs or the nervous way he chewed at his lip. When he spoke, the vibrations rumbled over Eli’s skin, making her press closer.

“What’s goin’ on sunshine?”

Eli shrugged. The response only served to fuel Daryl’s worry. Eli was a very passionate woman and she felt a lot. Every emotion he’d seen from her had been strong and full. In anger she was righteous, in love she was nurturing, in joy she was ecstatic. But this… this felt like nothing. An emptiness in a woman who was so  _ full _ of life. Her hands were still and quiet. Daryl held her closer.

“I know,” he started, clearing his throat around the lump he found there, “I ain’t like Rick. I’m not so good with knowin’ what to say or do. But somethin’s goin’ on in your head sunshine, I can see that. I’m here for ya.”

Daryl winced at his own words. To him they sounded flat, awkward. There was a reason he didn’t say a good deal. The thoughts in his head got jumbled more often than not on the way to his mouth. Really Beth should have gone to get Rick, not him. But Eli was pulling his face down and smoothing the wrinkles she found there. Her dark eyes searched his. She kissed him lightly on the lips, her touch soft and adoring. Daryl returned the kiss, hoping to convey how badly he wanted Eli to confide in him without words. She pulled back first and turned to watch the fire. Daryl waited, patient, until she was ready to talk. 

_ -Did Beth get you?- _

Eli’s face was vulnerable. Daryl took note that she wouldn’t meet his eyes. Rather than speak, he nodded that Beth had. 

_ -It’s not a big deal.- _

The breath that Daryl drew in rocked Eli. It was fast and hard like he wanted to disagree, but he held his tongue. She appreciated that, really she did. 

“Doesn’t have to be a big deal,” he said quietly. “Somethin’s wrong sunshine. Won’t you tell me?”

The hint of uncertainty in his voice caught Eli’s attention. She curled tighter into him, sliding one palm flat under his shirt to rest on his chest. It wasn’t even that Eli didn’t want to voice what was wrong, she just didn’t quite know what it was. So she did her best to get it out.

_ -I’m fine really. I had an argument with Lydia.- _

“The Woodbury woman?” Daryl interrupted.

Eli started to nod but then shook her head.

_ -We can’t keep separating ‘us’ and ‘them’. The Woodbury people are our people now, just like I am. I came at the same time as they did, it isn’t fair to keep bringing up where they came from.- _

Daryl buried his nose in her hair. What she was saying was true, but it wasn’t that black and white for most people. The Woodbury group had attacked them, brought death to their doorstep and fought to destroy what they had built. But Eli had come and put an end to it. She had  _ saved _ lives. Saved Daryl’s life with a sure shot to the Governor’s head. He understood what she was trying to say, but he couldn’t concede so easily. Eli took his silence as a dubious agreement and continued with her tale. 

_ -Lydia was ignoring Beth and unfortunately I provoked her. I started to make demands and that seemed to piss her off. She started yelling and saying she couldn’t understand what I was saying. I argued with her. She said some stuff and Beth lunged at her.- _

The ghost of a smile tugged at Eli’s lips.

_ -Beth’s quite the fighter now. But some of the other people at Lydia’s table started to attack Beth. So I had to step in and protect her. That’s why my knuckles are a little messed up.- _

Daryl took stock of her hands now that she brought it up. More than a little messed up, the skin was cracked and bleeding. A couple knuckles were swollen, possibly broken. But the pain didn’t seem to be bothering Eli so Daryl let it lie. What he wouldn’t gloss over was what Lydia said.

“What’d she say that made Beth start a fight?”

Eli didn’t say anything, her lips pursed and fingers lacing together. Daryl nudged her.

“I know I ain’t the best at this sort of thing, do you want me to get Rick?”

She blinked at him.

_ -Why would I want Rick?- _

Daryl’s ears burned red. 

“It’s just, I want you to talk about why you’re like this. If you don’t wanna talk to me… well Rick’s usually good at cheering you up.”

Eli shook her head and butted her head against the hunter’s. 

_ -Dumbass. I told you I’m fine. It isn’t because of you that I’m not saying what Lydia said. Well,-  _ she tapped her chin thoughtfully,  _ -I guess it is a little bit.- _

Daryl’s stomach tightened against her side and she rushed to finish.

_ -I don’t exactly need an angry hunter going after some bitch because she hurt my feelings.- _

He relaxed slightly at that. It wasn’t  _ him _ exactly, more his reaction. But when she signed feelings, it almost looked like she was angry with herself. 

“You know I wouldn’t go after a woman.”

Eli raised a skeptical brow.

_ -What if a woman hurt Carl? What if a woman tried to kill me or Rick? I understand what you’re saying, but keep in mind that women can be monsters too. This isn’t the case, but don’t forget.- _

Daryl’s fingers slipped up under Eli’s shirt, brushing over the scars on her hip. He wouldn’t forget. Not any time soon. With the warmth of his hand on her skin, Eli went into detail.

_ -Lydia called me a whore.- _

Daryl’s hand became a vice. Eli squirmed in his grasp until his fingers loosened. She batted at his chest in mock disapproval. 

_ -It’s not that bad, I’ve been called worse before. She’s just upset that you and Rick both want to be with me instead of her. I almost fucking killed her when she called you a redneck.- _

Daryl couldn’t help but smile at Eli’s defense of him. The grin twisted into a sneer.

“She’s fuckin’ weak. I like my women with a fire in ‘em. Seen some shit and made it to the other side.”

That lifted Eli’s spirits a bit, at least enough for her to say what was really bothering her. 

_ -She said I was ugly. Said everyone had seen my scars. And I mean, it’s true. She isn’t wrong. I know my body isn’t much to look at. I’m skin and bone, covered in scars and terrible words. I don’t have huge tits and my nose is crooked. I’ve tried to just not think about that when I’m with you and Rick. But pretending I don’t look the way I do is so much harder when other people point it out.- _

Daryl’s throat was itching. This was Eli.  _ His _ Eli. His  _ lover _ and she thought she wasn’t good enough, not pretty enough to be with him and Rick. That was absolute bullshit and he was seething inside. Daryl wasn’t much to look at in his opinion either. But Eli was beautiful. Not in the way that was treasured before the walkers, but she was beautiful to him. She was strong, her body a tightly coiled machine that could defend, attack, or run away should the occasion call for it. Her eyes brought him so much comfort that his deepest insecurities were settled simply by meeting her gaze. Daryl grasped her hips, turning her to face him full on. Her legs bracketed his and she chose to focus there rather than her lover’s face.

“Look at me,” his voice was rough, like gravel.

She wouldn’t, shaking her head slightly. 

“Eli, you look at me right now,” he put a little bit more force behind his words.

At last, her brown eyes met his blue. The firelight burned like passion against his irises and Eli was dragged deeper. 

“You. Are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Scars and fucking all.”

And his rough lips smashed against hers. She didn’t even have time to close her eyes before he was moving against her. His tongue traced patterns over her lips and his hands gripped her arms. He was watching her, eyes wide to take in her face, to prove to her that he meant it. She was so beautiful. Eli’s eyelids fell at the same time as her resistance. Her lips parted and invited Daryl in, their mouths moving in unison. The hunter rose, standing with his hands planted firmly on Eli’s ass. She wrapped her legs around his hips and arms around his neck. Daryl groaned when she tugged at his hair. 

He walked her towards the warmth of the fire, feeling blindly for a blanket with his foot as he went. Daryl kicked what he hoped was a warm comforter out in front of him and set Eli down. She whimpered in the back of her throat when he pulled away from her. Without taking his eyes off of her, he reached behind his head and tugged his shirt over his head. Eli sat up to meet him, mouth locking firmly on his collarbone. He shuddered and followed her down when she leaned back. 

“Eli,” he groaned.

She ran blunt nails over his back in answer. Her fingers caught over the crisscross of belt marks on his skin. From anyone else, hell, maybe even from Rick, Daryl would have pulled away. Stopped everything before it could start and put his shirt back on. But this was  _ Eli _ and how was he supposed to convince her that her scars didn’t make her ugly if he acted like his did. Daryl rolled his hips down against hers once before pulling back. She grabbed for him, a frown on her swollen lips. Daryl rubbed his thumb over her mouth, shivering when her tongue flicked out to meet it. 

He reached to the hem of her shirt, bending to lock lips the moment it was over her head. Her chest heaved, skin prickling against the chill of the air. But Daryl was  _ everywhere _ . His body was a fire that consumed her, pressing and rubbing over her until she wasn’t sure where she ended and he began. Fingers pulled at her pants and before she knew it both of them were completely naked. Exposed. Daryl had sat up, resting on his knees and peering down at Eli. In his position, he was completely bared to her. 

She stared up at him, obvious lust and desire written on her face. His body was on the thinner side, but so obviously strong. The glow of flames cast shadows over his muscles, accentuating his abs and heaving chest. A bead of sweat rolled over a pectoral and Eli rose to catch it. Before she could make contact, Daryl’s hand met her shoulder, guiding her back down. 

“You’re so beautiful,” his voice was strangled. “Fuck Eli…”

Here, splayed out below him, Daryl was sure that a more perfect body didn’t exist anywhere else in the world. And it was perfect because it belonged to Eli. Her nipples were pebbled from the cold and his attention, her stomach fluttering against his fingers that trailed steadily lower. Her skin was rough. Daryl leaned down and traced some of her deeper scars with his tongue. She held her breath. His eyes locked onto hers.

“Sunshine, my sunshine,” he murmured against her hip. “The things you do to me. How could you think I wouldn’t want you. God look at you.”

Eli whined, the sound twisting on it’s way out. Daryl inched his way back up her body to meet her frantic lips once more. Eli was sure she could die right then and regret absolutely nothing. Kissing Daryl was a lot like doing drugs. Absolutely addicting and excruciating to stop. But he had other plans and dragged himself away. Desperate to keep him with her, she reached down to grasp his length. Her strokes were just this side of sloppy but enough to bring Daryl to a shuddering halt. He breathed in and out, eyes squeezed shut against her.

“Eli,” he shook his head and fought to regain control of himself. 

She wasn’t listening, intent on having of much of the hunter as she could. While he was distracted, she slipped her way down his front. Daryl realized where she was headed and fought with himself. He had intended for this to be about her, proving to her how beautiful she was. But fuck, her lips were pressing to his stomach and tongue coming out to trace the thin trail of hair that lay there. Eli’s hands pushed at his ribs, urging him to sit up, to give her room for what she wanted to do. 

Daryl felt himself move, going back to kneeling and just staring. Eli’s dark hair was wild against her pale skin and her eyes were completely black. Her fingers were pressed into his thighs, thin crescents marking his skin from her nails. Eli licked her lips and Daryl  _ whined _ . That was all the encouragement she needed. She lowered her face and took him into her mouth. Around his length she moaned. He jerked from the vibration and curled over her. She sucked lightly and ran her tongue along the underside. Daryl tasted like sweat and smelled like motor oil. It should have been gross but it was so familiar to Eli that she settled easily into a rhythm. 

Daryl was damn near losing his mind. The things Eli was doing with her tongue were driving him to the brink faster than he cared to admit. He dragged his fingers down Eli’s back, tracing over the feathers there and encouraging her further. She took him deeper and he bent more to touch her. Daryl distracted himself from her mouth by focusing on her body. He alternated between teasing her skin with the pads of his fingers to massaging her lean muscles. Daryl brought his his hands down further, grasping her ass and probing lightly between her legs. His fingers came away slick and he groaned aloud.

“Fuck Eli, you’re so wet already.”

She didn’t answer, only worked harder at finding his pleasure spots. Daryl slid a single finger deep inside her and she keened. Her hands on his legs squeezed hard in pleasure. A second finger joined the first and she had to stop moving for a minute. Daryl whimpered and bucked up into her mouth. She nearly choked, catching herself at the last second. One of her hands moved to wrap around the base of his shaft, the other slipped between her legs. Her fingers bumped against Daryl’s and he exhaled hard. 

“Do you like that sunshine? Like it when I touch you?”

She nodded desperately, the movement cut off by her position. Daryl was spurred on further. He managed to slide a third finger inside Eli and she convulsed. Her fingers worked hard at her clit, rubbing with a singular focus. She’d stopped bobbing on his dick, but Daryl found he didn’t really care. He was thrusting shallowly between her puffy lips, intent on making her cum before he did. Eli whined against him, needing to find release but unable to from their position. Daryl had enough.

Without warning, Eli was pulled off of his dick and flipped onto her hands and knees. Being so suddenly empty left her bewildered. Before she could dwell on it, a mouth was wrapping around her clit and Daryl’s tongue flicked mercilessly against her. She would have screamed if she could. Instead, her arms gave out and slumped like jelly to the floor. Daryl kept a firm hold on her hips, tonguing her clit relentlessly. She shuddered and writhed, thrusting back against him. He switched positions slightly, moving to plunge his tongue as deep inside her as he could. That must have been the right move because her nails dragged against the blanket. He spent quite a bit of time there, trying to find the angle that would bring Eli release. Nothing seemed to be working and the small noises she was making were growing more and more frustrated. Daryl felt his own agitation growing as well and pulled away again.

“Eli, I need to, can I,  _ please. _ ”

She opened her eyes and caught sight of his dick twitching and angry. Knowing immediately what he was asking, her head swung in a nod that she couldn’t have prevented if she wanted to. Her body was flipped over again and she automatically wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him close. Daryl lined up against her. She dug her heels into his back and tugged him down for a kiss. When he entered her, it was like nothing she had ever felt before. Her back arched and her mouth opened in a silent scream. Daryl was just trying not to fall apart.

“You okay sunshine?”

Eli didn’t answer for a minute, her eyes glassy. When she could focus again, her lips formed a single word. 

_ Move _

And he did. Daryl started off leisurely, easing both of them into it. Eli was incredibly tight and her gasps of air were driving him crazy. Pretty soon she was urging him on. Her mouth opened and closed, words dripping silently from her lips.

_ Faster harder more _

Just watching her face was too much for him. Daryl captured Eli’s mouth and thrust his tongue inside. She moaned at the taste of her arousal on his lips and scraped her nails down his skin. Daryl shuddered. His thrusting turned more frantic, the pressure of his pelvic bone against Eli’s clit sending her over the edge. Her whole body clamped down. Daryl’s vision went black as his climax took him. Eli pulsed around him, her legs shaking around him. His chest was heaving, but Daryl didn’t dare drop his weight on her. When his arms threatened to give out, he pulled out and fell to the side of her. Eli immediately rolled into him, her lips resting on his throat and mouthing silent words. He was tired, but Daryl found the energy to chuckle. 

“One day,” he breathed, “you’ll tell me what you’re sayin’.”

He felt her smile against him and several kisses peppered his neck. The fire was dying by now and the shadows in the room were long. It would be dark soon. As much as the hunter wanted to stay out here with Eli, he had said they would be back before nightfall. If they weren’t, Rick would worry and possibly come looking for them. The last thing Daryl wanted to do was have to go search and rescue a wayward sheriff. Eli shifted against him, wincing slightly as she did. Daryl noticed it and frowned.

“Did I hurt you?”

He hadn’t thought he was being rough. Eli might have landed wrong when he spun her around though. She smiled at him, her face radiant. 

_ -No. Never done that before though so I’m a bit sore. Used muscles I didn’t know I had.- _

Daryl stared at her with his mouth open. That was, was that? She didn’t mean… Eli tapped his chin and grinned wider.

_ -Shut your mouth. You’ll catch flies.- _

With that she stood and started gathering her clothes. Daryl just continued to stare. Eli found the rag the hunter always had and used it to clean herself up. She playfully threw it towards her shocked lover and worked to dress herself. He cleaned himself as well, surreptitiously checking to see if there was any blood anywhere. Eli caught him looking and rolled her eyes.

_ -You might have been the first person to be inside me, but you aren’t the first thing. Besides, you prepped me very well.- _

Now Eli blushed. Daryl grinned at her, over his original shock. He pulled on his boxers and jeans. When he stood, he wrapped his arms around his blushing lover.

“Prepped you good, did I? How d’ya figure?” His fingers slipped down into her pants and she shivered. “Maybe because of how wet you were? Or how you begged me to fuck you?”

Eli sighed and rested her head against his chest. Daryl’s fingers were dangerously close to reaching their destination when she slipped out of his arms. She choked out a laugh at his pout and grinned again. 

_ -Back off buddy, I’m too sensitive for that right now. Besides, we wouldn’t want Rick to worry about us. We should head back.- _

Daryl grumbled but tugged on his remaining clothes. He grabbed his crossbow and headed for the door. Eli trailed behind him, the faintest limp in her step. Before they exited the cabin, Daryl stopped her.

“You alright sunshine?”

His tone was so soft and full of care that Eli had to kiss him. Her lips were gentle and he returned the gesture. She stroked his cheek.

_ -Better than alright.- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No? Maybe! 
> 
> Did we like it? I'd have liked to have spent a little bit more time perfecting this and the flow of the chapter, but I promise to do better next week! I got two thirds of my family holiday crap out of the way so now all that's left is the actual day of Christmas. 
> 
> Speaking of! You will be getting a Christmas (Hanukkah too) special next week! And then I have the whole week off between Christmas and New Years so I'll have another 50 hours of writing time available that I normally spend working! Yay! 
> 
> Expect a bunch of good chapters next week and the week following
> 
> I love you all! Thanks for the kudos and support!


	58. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia and Beth stand trial against the council for their little spat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!!!! or Happy Hanukkah!! and tomorrow, Happy Kwanzaa! 
> 
> Happy holidays people, however you celebrate, if you celebrate, if you don't, I hope your day is going super!
> 
> This chapter is not the holiday special, it's two chapters from this one and I will be posting it today. I hope you enjoy it!

“Lydia,” Hershel spoke calmly, “do you know why you’re here?” 

The dark-haired woman looked furious. She opened her mouth to give a retort but stopped. Michonne stood beside Hershel, hand on her blade and no pity on her face. Lydia grit her teeth and flicked her eyes around the room. The old man, Carol, Tara, Tyreese, and Rick were gathered together, seated in front of her like a mock court room. Lydia’s gaze landed on Rick and held. He appeared calm, not angry like Michonne was. Maybe she had a chance then. Everyone seemed to think that Rick cared a good deal for Eli, but his lack of fury told a different story. She raised her head proudly and looked back at Hershel.

“No, I have no idea.”

She was so focused on answering the question that she didn’t notice Rick’s jaw twitch or Tyreese laying a calming hand on his shoulder. When Lydia looked back to him, he’d composed himself once more. A tiny smirk spread over her lips when she saw he hadn’t reacted. Hershel took note of it, as did everyone else. 

“Beth, do you know why you’re here?” 

It was Carol who asked the question. Hershel had asked not to be involved in Beth’s punishment. Too much of a bias. Rick was going to be a part of sentencing Lydia. He’d be damned if he let someone else handle a situation directly pertaining to either of his lovers. There was more than a little guilt pooling in his veins about all of this, even if he couldn’t identify the reason.

“Yes,” the blonde answered.

“Could you elaborate,” Tyreese asked.

Beth smiled at him sweetly. That man was a gentle giant, not willing to take sides in a dispute and always hoping to find a compromise between people. He was a great mediator and she was glad to see him today. 

“I attacked Lydia. I knocked her down and pounded her face in until I had to be pulled off of her. I scratched her and pulled her hair. I even tried to bite her.”

Beth sounded every inch of proud. Not the slightest bit of remorse in her tone. Lydia was sneering at her, sure that Beth had just dug her own grave. The dark haired woman figured she’d be able to spin this to sound like the blonde had attacked her for no reason. Beth was playing right into her hand. However, when Tara opened her mouth to speak, Lydia sent the woman a mutinous look. 

“So you just decided to attack Lydia without provocation?”

Tara was glowing inside. Her brief time at the police academy hadn’t taught her much, but she knew how to manipulate words enough to make someone sound guilty. Beth shook her head, suppressing a grin. 

“No ma’am. There was plenty of reason.”

“And that brings us back to our first bit of business,” Hershel cut his daughter off, eyeing her for good measure. “Lydia, do you care to amend your statement?”

She shook her head. If she admitted what she had done, she was almost positive that Rick would hate her. Lydia wasn’t stupid. If she wanted to have any power in this settlement, she’d need to be with a leader. Hershel might be in charge of the meetings, but Rick was the man everyone looked to in times of crisis. If she could play this out to look a certain way, she could shake the man’s faith in Eli and leave herself an opening. 

“Well, I think I know why I’m here. Is it to testify against Beth?”

Beth snorted, hiding the sound in a cough. So Lydia was going to play dumb then. Good for her. Hershel, the man with the patience of a saint, barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. He sighed.

“No Lydia, that’s not why-”

“I’d like to hear what she has to say.”

Carol had spoken again. Her voice was calm and eerily pleasant. Beth was instantly on alert. Carol got dangerous when she spoke like that. Lydia fell for the bait and relaxed even more. 

“Well, I was in the mess hall when Beth came in holding Eli’s hand.” She shot a smug look at Beth that everyone saw. “I thought, well I was pretty sure that Eli was with you Rick.”

Lydia batted her eyelashes at the man. Rick felt sick and Tyreese’s hand returned to his shoulder. 

“Although,” she tapped her chin in mock thoughtfulness, “I’ve also seen her with the redneck, Daryl a few times.”

“You shut your mouth about him!” Beth shouted, “Daryl’s a thousand times the person you’ll ever be!”

Beth’s outburst was the distraction Rick needed to keep from lunging at the woman. Daryl was his. One of the most important people in his life. He wouldn’t stand for anyone putting him down. 

“Beth.”

The blonde was seething, her chest pounding as she glared daggers at Lydia. At her name, she turned her burning eyes on the speaker. Michonne was watching her, holding her gaze. Her hand pressed downwards, asking Beth to calm herself. It wouldn’t help her case any if she beat the shit out of Lydia again. The blonde took a deep breath.

“Sorry.”

She was addressing the council but Lydia didn’t seem to get the memo.

“Well, don’t interrupt me again,” she said loftily. “Now where was I.”

Tara’s mouth dropped open. Who would have thought that Lydia would have the audacity to presume she was in control. This was her trial after all. She knew it, there was no way she didn’t know it.

“Oh, that’s right. So Eli and Beth walked into the mess hall, hand in hand. They were carrying your daughter, Rick.” She addressed the man, a mistake. “And I thought to myself, how strange that they’re acting so cozy. Of course, what would you expect from someone who’s been seen cozying up with multiple people. Why, just the other day I saw her wrapped up with Carl-”

“Enough.” Rick cut her off, barely masking his rage. “Leave my son out of this.”

Lydia winced. So she’d pushed a little too far there. No matter, she had other things to say. Beth was staring at her, eyes threatening death or worse. The blonde was digging her fingernails into her palms hard enough to draw blood. It was one thing to insult an adult. But to speak poorly about a child was despicable. 

“Well, I saw Beth and Eli-”

“We established that,” Tyreese spoke up now.

He was getting tired of the games and could tell that everyone’s patience was wearing thin. Lydia frowned at him, likely for his interruption. She spoke louder.

“And I was upset to see that Eli had moved on to her next conquest while still toying with Rick. I mean, it’s one thing to cheat on a man with another man, no matter how inferior he may be. But it’s entirely another to go ahead and sleep around with a woman.”

Beth looked ready to commit murder. It was only Michonne’s steady gaze that kept her feet planted and lips sealed. Rick was gripping his thigh hard enough to bruise and Tyreese was doing his best to calm the man down. He’d been on the receiving end of Rick’s fury, Lydia wouldn’t survive it. 

“So I called her out,” Lydia continued, oblivious to the hatred swirling around her. “I let her know how terribly she was behaving and how rude it was to you Rick. Really, I was just trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need your protection,” Rick’s voice was low and rough.

“Well you need someone to be on your side. I’m on your side, Rick.”

Lydia was sending him what she probably thought was a flirtatious look. To everyone else, it was disgusting. Not only had Lydia just smeared Eli’s name, she insulted Daryl as well. Tyreese had to tighten his grip to prevent Rick from getting up. The man might not know the extent of Rick’s relationship with Daryl, but he could tell all this talk was wearing Rick down. 

“So, how did you come to be so bruised?” Carol asked pleasantly. 

Lydia was taken aback by Carol’s words. It seemed she’d forgotten there were other people in the room. Beth was past being able to find humor in the situation. She was positively seething. Michonne was doing her best to keep the blonde calm, but there was only so much she could do. Beth was across the room, Michonne was needed beside the council in the event Lydia tried anything. 

“Well, as I was telling Eli how horrible she was acting, Beth just lunged at me. She held me down and just beat me.”

Lydia paused to let a few crocodile tears fall.

“She hit me again and again and some of the others tried to pull her off me but she wouldn’t move. That’s when Eli attacked me as well. She joined in and encouraged Beth’s violence. I could have died!”

The dark haired woman smirked internally. That was a bit of genius, throwing Eli under the bus as well. Hopefully it’d be the last nail in the coffin for Rick and he’d see how wrong Eli was for him. The council members all looked at each other, with the exception of Rick who was staring a hole into the floor. Lydia kept trying to catch his eye and he was sure if he looked up he’d kill her. 

“You’re saying,” Carol said slowly, “that Beth, little Beth here, was able to knock you down and attack you?”

“Yes,” she replied petulantly.

“And that ‘others’ tried to get her off, but they couldn’t?” asked Hershel.

“Yes, that’s right. And then Eli joined in.”

“So you’re saying that not only Beth attacked you, but Eli did as well?” Tara’s face was set in a grim line. 

“Yes, I’ve said all this already,” Lydia said irritably. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

Lydia glared furiously at Tyreese. Ungrateful bastard. The Governor had taken him and his sister in when Rick’s group refused. He should be agreeing with her, it was the least he could do. He frowned and continued.

“Eli is very small-”

“She’s vicious! She kicked me in the ribs, I think they might be broken!”

“-but if she had attacked you, you would be dead.”

Lydia looked at him like he was insane. Eli weighed all of ninety or so pounds, soaking wet. 

“Eli is highly skilled in self defense. A lot of the methods she knows end with the other person dead or dying. If she had been attacking you, something would really be broken or you would be dead.”

“You’re lying. There’s no way she could have done that.”

“I am not,” Tyreese said firmly. “She trained a few of us in the yard. She was able to flip and pin me down in seconds. If she wasn’t being as careful as she was, I could have easily sustained broken bones. One inch to the left and she could have crushed my windpipe.”

“Well, the others were blocking her! She didn’t get many punches in.”

“I don’t believe you,” Tyreese said simply. 

Hershel sighed again. He knew who was at fault here, but they had a process and it was important that they followed it. Especially when Eli was so well liked by everyone on the council. It wouldn’t do to show favoritism. But Eli wasn’t on trial here. Beth and Lydia were. 

“Beth, do you have anything to say in your defense?”

The blonde was trying to remain calm. How could Lydia lie so blatantly about everything? Surely she didn’t think it would do her any favors. Her anger was making her lips tremble and she was afraid to speak. Michonne took half a step forwards, towards her, but Beth held up a hand. She needed a minute, but she could control herself. Michonne backed away again, something hidden in her eyes. 

“Lydia is a liar.”

“I’m not-”

“You had your chance to speak!” Rick spat. 

Lydia shrunk into herself, nodding mutely. She didn’t think he was mad at her, probably pissed at Eli for everything she’d done. Or everything Lydia said she did. Beth waited for everyone’s tempers to cool before speaking again.

“Eli and I were asking for help to create go-bags. It was Eli’s idea so if we ever have an emergency or get into trouble, we won’t need to flee without supplies. We went to ask Lydia’s table and no one there knows sign language so I was talking. No one would listen so Eli intervened. Lydia insulted her, insulted us, and made fun of Eli’s signing.”

Rick had to look away again, his leg shaking with anger. Carol’s mask slipped for a half second and she looked furious. Even Tyreese looked disgusted. Who mocked a disabled person? 

“She said some terrible things about Daryl. She made a mockery of my friendship with Eli. She called Eli a whore. She called her ugly.” Beth’s voice cracked at that. “She brought up Eli’s scars and she mocked Eli’s lack of voice. Lydia said, ‘Cat got your tongue?’ after repeatedly wearing Eli down by shaming her and insulting everything she holds dear. I couldn’t just stand by. Eli wouldn’t defend herself against those attacks. She wouldn’t hurt someone over the words they said, especially when any arguments she might have would fall on deaf ears.”

Beth’s anger was trying to express itself through tears. But she wouldn’t let them fall. She’d not be seen as weak. 

“So I attacked Lydia. I don’t regret it and I don’t apologize. Eli didn’t attack her, she was trying to get me to stop. People started to kick me, trying to get me off Lydia, so Eli tried to keep me safe.”

Beth pulled up her shirt as evidence. Her ribs were a mess of colors, some areas just red, some already darkening to blue. It hurt to breathe, but Beth wouldn’t let it show. 

“Lydia fought back as well. I admit I tried to pin her down, but she got her hands free. I defended Eli when she wouldn’t. I’ll take whatever punishment you give out.”

The council members all nodded in approval. Beth was clearly telling the truth. She admitted to attacking Lydia and all that entailed. Rick felt his anger ebb away with the blonde’s words. At least Beth had been there for Eli. And now she was with Daryl. Knowing she was safe helped ease his mind. He couldn’t let his temper rule him.

“Thank you Beth,” he said. 

The woman nodded, knowing he wasn’t thanking her for her testimony. Lydia looked between them, gobsmacked. 

“What, so you all just believe her like that? How is this a fair trial if you’re just going to take Beth’s word? None of that happened! None of it!”

Michonne stepped forward now, turning to address the council. 

“I witnessed the attack.”

Lydia’s eyes widened. She’d seen Michonne at the end of the fight, but she had thought she’d come in just to pull Beth away. Lydia had been counting on the chaos to disguise what had truly happened. 

“Thank you Michonne,” Hershel answered her. “What do you have to add to the trial?”

“Beth attacked Lydia, but Lydia instigated it. Everything Beth said was true. Eli was unable or unwilling to defend herself against what Lydia was saying and Beth fought back in the best way she could think of at the time. I stepped in when I thought things were getting out of hand.”

Michonne glanced at Beth. 

“Frankly I think that Beth took more damage than Lydia. The others were kicking and punching Beth, trying to get her off, while Lydia was only being struck by Beth.”

She fell silent and stepped back. Beth had already given a rundown of what had happened. All Michonne needed to do was corroborate it. Lydia was glaring at her. Hershel let out another sigh and scrubbed a hand over his face. 

“Does anyone have anything else they would like to add?”

Rick had plenty he wanted to add, but none of it was appropriate. With a fortifying squeeze from Tyreese, he managed to keep his mouth shut. Hershel nodded when no one spoke out.

“I will take suggestions on punishments for both of them and we can vote.”

Tara spoke up surprisingly fast.

“Exile. For Lydia that is. Beth, laundry duty for a month.”

Beth rolled her lips to suppress a smile. Tara was really growing on her. The woman had a sense of humor a mile wide. Hershel shook his head but wrote those suggestions down. Tyreese spoke up next.

“What about something like rehab,” he was stuck on the fact that Lydia had mocked Eli’s lack of speech. “Lydia could have to learn sign language. Eli could be the teacher, provided that someone was there to supervise. For Beth, I think she’s taken quite a beating. Maybe that was punishment enough?”

Lydia was sensing a pattern here. 

“That’s not fair!” she shouted. “Why are all of her punishments so much lighter than mine?”

Carol waved a hand to dismiss Lydia’s squalling.

“These are suggestions right now, no one has been punished yet. I think Lydia should serve her punishment with me, whatever it may be. I could always use help.”

The serenity of Carol’s smile sent chills up Lydia’s spine.

“And for Beth?” Hershel questioned.

“There are still a lot of items down in the catacombs and administrative wing. She could organize and take stock of them.”

Beth wouldn’t mind doing that. The only thing that might bother her was the solitude. But taking stock was something that would benefit the group. If she didn’t get that as a punishment, she’d see about getting it done anyways.

“Rick?”

The man was silent still. Hershel waited patiently. Rushing Rick was a bad idea and it was obvious that he was doing his best to set aside his bias. 

“I think Beth should take stock, like Carol said. I don’t want Lydia anywhere near Eli. I suggest fence duty for the next month. Give her a shift a day.”

Hershel nodded. That was a very level-headed suggestion from Rick. Lydia looked squeamish at the thought of having to be on fence duty. No one liked to poke out walker’s brains through the fence, it was a mess, slightly dangerous, and with the cold it would be extra miserable. 

“Okay,” Hershel had written down the suggestions and read them off. “For Beth: laundry duty for a month, punishment served via the fight and damage sustained, or taking stock. Beth has admitted to striking first and been honest in her testimony. While her attack may have been justified, it does not excuse violence within the group. Cast your votes.”

“Laundry duty?”

No one spoke up or raised their hands.

“Punishment served?”

Tyreese raised his hand. Hershel nodded.

“And taking stock?”

Carol, Rick and Tara all raised their hands. 

“Taking stock it is. Beth, tomorrow morning you’ll report to Carol for further instruction on what she’d like you to do. While you’re there, look for things for your go-bags. That was a wonderful idea and I think you should pursue it.”

Beth hid a smile and nodded. That was her dad’s way of saying he was proud of her. Not that she started a fight, but that she was defending someone she cared about.

“Now onto Lydia. Exile, which given the dropping temperatures could be a death sentence.”

Lydia gulped. This was serious, more serious than she’d expected. She tried to catch Rick’s eye to plead without words for empathy. He wouldn’t look at her. Hershel continued.

“Rehabilitation with Eli and a supervisor, assisting Carol, or patrolling the fence? Cast your votes.”

“Exile.”

Tara raised her hand, a nasty look on her face. Lydia fucked with the wrong girl. She’d dug her own grave. She’d lied. Let her bury herself.

“Rehabilitation with Eli?”

No one raised their hands. Tyreese could see how that might be worse. Not for Lydia, but for Eli. The woman had verbally eviscerated her, she might not want to be near Lydia for a while. 

“Assisting Carol?”

Carol raised her hand, an unreadable expression on her face.

“And patrolling the fence?”

Rick raised his hand, as did Tyreese. Surprisingly, Carol did as well.

“Carol?” Hershel queried.

“I think Lydia should patrol the fence. But that’s only one shift a day. I don’t believe she should be unsupervised around the group for a bit. If she’s with me when not on the fence, she can’t stir up any more trouble.”

Everyone nodded. That sounded like a good idea.

“I’ll even teach her sign language,” Carol offered.

Tyreese smiled at her. Carol was doing her best to get along with the man, especially after what she’d done to his girlfriend. Tyreese was a forgiving soul and appreciated the gesture. Tara seemed to be pouting. No one liked her exile idea. Carol leaned close to her and whispered something in her ear. Tara’s face brightened.

“I agree with Carol’s proposal,” she said.

Rick nodded, that was the best plan. Tyreese gave his approval as well.

“It’s settled then,” Hershel said. “Beth, you’ll be taking stock. Lydia, you’ll be on the fence or with Carol. I suggest you behave yourselves.”

He eyed both women, lingering on Beth. The look he gave her made her nearly smile. 

Don’t get caught. 

Carol stood to escort Lydia out and Rick wouldn't budge from his seat. Tyreese was murmuring close to his ear, probably offering some sort of wisdom. Beth nodded to everyone and turned to leave. She'd made it halfway down the hall before someone shoved her around the corner. Before she could shove them off, dark brown eyes locked onto her green ones. 

"Why is there blood on your hand?"

"Michonne," Beth breathed. 

The woman was very close, their faces nearly touching. Heat rose in Beth's cheeks. Michonne eyes traced over her features before refocusing on her palms. 

"You've hurt yourself."

Beth sighed.

"Yes."

She felt Michonne's hand slide up her wrist, fingers tracing over the skin there.

"Does it happen a lot?"

The blonde's face heated up even more. She wanted to pull away and tell Michonne to fuck off, but she sounded sincere. There was no judgement in her voice. Not even quite concern. More so looking for answers before deciding which route she wanted to take.

"No. Not anymore. I needed a distraction so I didn't kill Lydia back there."

The edges of Michonne's full lips tilted up ever so slightly. 

"So it wasn't to punish yourself?"

"No Michonne. God. I'm fine, I just couldn't keep myself under control. I just needed to be distracted."  


The older woman peered at her, like she was sizing her up. There was silence between them and Beth held her breath. 

"Next time you need a distraction, think of this."

"Wha-"

Michonne's mouth slotted against Beth's. The blonde exhaled sharply in surprise, her lips sliding open. Michonne took it as an invitation and followed her inhale. She was gentle, so sweet, motions rhythmic and soothing. Beth's hand reached out to grasp her hip and Michonne crowed closer still. Her hand brushed over bruised ribs and Beth stifled a gasp. Michonne felt it though and slowed further. Soon each kiss was a punctuation of breath, the time between them stretching until finally Beth received no more. When her eyelids fluttered open, the other woman was gone. Beth exhaled, fingers trailing over her lips. 

That was a hell of a distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo we can't kill Lydia willy nilly, even if we don't like her. Also we can't exile her because she's a bitch and would rain down hellfire onto our lovely people. However, that doesn't mean she will escape unscathed. I'll be showing you in upcoming chapters!!!
> 
> I've been awake since way too early and writing since then. Having a child will do that, excitement about santa! Also I'm making bread in a bread maker thing! It's gluten soy dairy corn nut oat free since I have a billion allergies and it looks a little like mashed potatoes right now. Here's to hoping for the best!
> 
> Happy holidays people! Thank you for your continued support! You're the best!


	59. She Doesn't want the D (depression, distraction, despair)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stupid as hell title, apologies.   
> Carl is concocting a plan to lift Eli's spirits. And is grumpy with certain other adults in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~~~~ Means we are having a flashback, that's why everything is in italics ~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> It's CHRISTMAS/HANUKKAH! Happy day for all of you. 
> 
> I had a family shindig but I have returned. Here's the lead in to the holiday special!  
> Yay!
> 
> I'll post that in a few hours. I haven't written it due to reasons. I"M ON IT!

Days turned into weeks and time flew by in the prison walls. They were well into winter. The cold seeped into Eli’s bone and made her ache. With Rick and Daryl incredibly busy just trying to keep everyone calm and fed, she found herself alone quite often. She tried to spend more time with Beth, but the woman kept running off. She made paper thin excuses for her absences that left Eli feeling like she wasn’t wanted. Deep in her heart, she knew that wasn’t the case, but winter always brought a certain cloud that hung over her head and darkened everything around her. 

Carl had noticed her mood, even if no one else seemed to. Eli’s face seemed to be constantly twisted into a frown. Or even just dead of emotion. He worried about the woman he’d come to see as his mother, but wasn’t sure what to do about it. His dads were busy, barely able to sit down to eat, let alone spend time with him and Eli. Especially since the trial, his dad had been distant. Carl had thought that maybe if he were to sleep in his own cell, it would give his parents time to be alone together. It didn’t help. Eli sunk deeper into herself and his dad and Daryl were more distracted than ever. He had only spent maybe three nights on his own before Eli cornered him. 

~~~~~~~~~

_ -Carl?- _

_ Eli had signed to him while he was helping Carol take stock of their canned foods. He had looked to the older woman for permission to leave. She waved him away, nodding her head in greeting to Eli. He jogged over to her and they’d left. Once they were alone, he turned to her. _

_ “What’s up Eli?” _

_ The ever present frown on her lips quivered slightly. Carl watched her, holding his breath. _

_ -Have I, have we done something to upset you?- _

_ He furrowed his brow. _

_ “No, why?” _

_ -Rick and Daryl didn’t say anything to you, did they?- _

_ “About what? Did something happen?” _

_ Carl was worried and Eli brushed a hand through his hair, trying to calm him. _

_ -No, nothing’s happened. You just haven’t been sleeping in the nest lately. I was worried.- _

_ For the first time in the past days, Carl really took stock of Eli’s appearance. Her cheeks looked sunken again. Not as bad as when she’d first come into their lives, but she’d lost weight again. She had dark circles under her eyes too, like she wasn’t sleeping well. Even Eli’s posture was dejected. Her shoulders were slumped and she kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Not in a nervous way, more like she didn’t have the energy to keep standing straight.  _

_ “I’m, are you,” he paused, catching something in her eyes, “I wanted to let you and Dad and Daryl have some time alone. You guys haven’t really had time to be together. I mean, you went out with Daryl but that was nearly two weeks ago.” _

_ The ghost of a smile twitched at Eli’s lips but didn’t meet her eyes. She trailed her fingers over Carl’s cheek affectionately. Even that seemed to be too much. Carl watched in alarm as her arm fell limply back to her side.  _

_ -They’ve been very busy. I understand. I was worried we’d done something to upset you.- _

_ “No, nothing like that.” He pursed his lips. “Have you seen them at all?” _

_ -A bit. They both come to bed at different times. When they do, they’re out in seconds.- _

_ Her lips tilted up again, falling just as quickly. _

_ -We’re all tired.- _

_ Carl took a step closer to her, concern growing in his chest. _

_ “Have you been sleeping Eli?” _

_ She didn’t answer. He watched, waiting for her to sign back, anything at all to prove she was okay, that she was going to be okay. The longer he looked, the more she seemed to shrink. Eli was still an inch or so taller than him, but right now he was peering down at her.  _

_ “Eli?” _

_ Her face collapsed. Eli’s lower lip trembled and her eyes turned glassy. She was holding it back; Carl could see that in the way she bit viciously at her cheek, the skin sucking in further. Before she could run or hide or lie to him some more about the way she felt, Carl threw his arms around her. She was rigid in his hold, but he squeezed her tighter. This close, he could swear he could feel cold coming off her in waves. Like it had seeped down deep into her bones and frozen everything inside. As he hugged her, she just sort of fell apart. It started in her stomach, the muscles there clenching and heaving while she did her best to keep everything in. Next it moved to her chest, shuddering with the effort of keeping her breath even. Then Carl felt her throat pulsing into his shoulder. She swallowed repeatedly before it finally bubbled up.  _

_ “It’s okay,” Carl whispered against her hair, “It’s okay Eli.” _

_ She sobbed, the sound of it cracking and muffled. Eli curled her lips around her tears and hid her face in Carl’s shoulder. He held on still, trying to show how much he cared about her. Letting her know that whatever was going on in her mind, whatever was wrong, he would still be there. She’d probably scold him for it later. Kids weren’t supposed to take care of their parents, it was supposed to be the other way around. But that only made him love her more. She didn’t want him to feel like he had to comfort her or take care of her or his dad or Daryl, but she’d let him if he wanted to.  _

_ “I love you.” _

_ A fresh wave of tears soaked through his sweatshirt. The longer she cried, the warmer she felt to him. Maybe all she needed was a good cry to get it all out. He got that. Carl held her until her sobs dulled to sniffles and then eventually to deeper, calmer breathing. When she pulled away, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. Her eyes were red, but there was some color to her cheeks as well.  _

_ “Are you okay?” he asked quietly. _

_ -Sweet boy. I’m okay. I used to get like this when I was younger. It’s nothing.- _

_ “It doesn’t seem like nothing,” he frowned. _

_ She smiled now. It was small, but it reached her dark eyes. _

_ -This is one blip on my normally happy life. Nothing compared to how things used to be.- _

_ Eli brushed her hand over his face once more. _

_ -Now, don’t feel that you need to comfort me,- Carl grinned, there she was, -It’s not your responsibility. But thank you love. Regarding your sleeping arrangements.- _

_ Eli eyeballed him, her expression stern. Carl curled his lips around another smile. She had to be feeling better if she was going to scold him.  _

_ -You sleep wherever you want. Don’t worry about us. If we need some ‘alone’ time, we’ll find somewhere to go. The prison is a big place you know.- _

_ She waggled her eyebrows at him in jest. Carl made a face. _

_ “Ew, way more than I needed to know Eli.” _

_ The woman smiled wider this time and shooed him.  _

_ -Get back to Carol. I’m sure she could use more help.- _

_ Carl hesitated one second before wrapping her in one last hug. This one she returned, arms circling around his waist and squeezing back. He pulled away and turned to leave. Once he rounded a corner and was out of sight, he paused. After a count to ten, he snuck one last look at Eli. The woman was leaning against the wall, her forehead pressed to it. Tears were still streaming down her face, but she wasn’t sobbing anymore. Carl watched her lips moving, saying something he couldn’t make out. _

_ Fine his ass.  _

_ With renewed energy, he concocted a plan to help Eli.  _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carl shook his head to rid the memory from his mind. It had taken him two more days to figure out what he could do. The temperature was falling and so was Eli. Sure he could tell his Dad and Daryl, but a part of him was incredibly angry with them. How could they not see what was going on with Eli? She hadn’t been eating regularly, especially since the shit with Lydia went down. And to not know that someone you shared a bed with wasn’t sleeping was just careless. He was angry, too angry to talk with them and not say something he might regret. So today he was on the hunt for Beth. 

The blonde had been disappearing more and more lately. It was very suspicious. Maybe she’d found a boyfriend from the Woodbury people? Carl shook his head again. Gross. Hopefully not one of the assholes that had agreed with Lydia. That bitch made his blood boil. He frowned to himself, Eli would have his head if she could hear his thoughts. Or she would have. Maybe not so much right now. Right. Beth. 

He ran all around the prison, even checking outside for the woman. Carl nearly gave up when he saw a flash of yellow hair disappear down the stairs to the catacombs. He bit his lip. He’d not gone into the catacombs since he’d come out with Judith. A bubble of grief pushed its way up his throat and he swallowed hard around it. He might be mad at Lori’s choices while she was alive, but Maggie was right. In the end she had tried to show him love. Carl strengthened his resolve. This was for Eli. A woman who had cared for him from day one and showered him in love and comfort without being asked. 

Carl descended the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best and I adore you for trailing along after me on this long walk through my story. 
> 
> So a little background on this chapter:  
> I didn't intend to write it this way at all. But! It came out that way. I want Eli to be someone a lot of people can relate to. I wrote her this way this time for a reason. Reason being, I have and will probably always have depression. I've had it since I was a youngster and while in the past it manifested due to shitty life things, nowadays I am happy as a clam. My quality of life is swell, it does get better people, I used to hate that expression but it's true.  
> However! My depression has to do with a chemical imbalance in my brain more so than how things are around me. So last week I had a very sad evening for no discernible reason. My poor fiance was like, what do I do?? To which I would laugh through my tears and not know.   
> So the moral of this is that people that are perfectly happy and have a good life and hobbies they enjoy still have bad days. So if you're just coming out of a funk yourself, or you've finally reached a point in your life where you feel happy most of the time, don't get discouraged if you have a bad day. Do your best to figure out why and it's okay if there isn't a reason. Give yourself a good cry and remind yourself about all the things that have gone right for you in life.   
> Like Mr. Rogers said, it's okay to feel sad sometimes.  
> So much love and care to all of you, especially if you're struggling, holidays can be hard. My next chapter should help cheer you up a little bit, or at least that's the goal!
> 
> P.S. my weird bread came out fantastically!


	60. CHRISTMAS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and co have themselves a very merry christmas!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I"M LATE!! Apologies, life and all that. 
> 
> Hopefully the sickeningly sweet chapter will make up for me not posting on Christmas day.

“Up!”

A very insistent voice was making demands. Eli groaned softly and burrowed deeper into the blankets. 

“Up! Up! Up! Up!”

She rolled over, slapping the nearest flank she could reach, jamming her fingers into someone’s ribs in the process. The yelp that was let out belonged to Rick and brought Daryl to consciousness quite quickly. The hunter sat up, eyes wildly scanning the room for threats. He caught sight of the cause of the commotion immediately. Judith was sitting on the lump that had to be Eli, her little fists tugging hard at the blankets. When Daryl sat up, her head had swivelled to focus on him. She took a deep breath and screeched.

“Daddy!”

Immediately, Rick was up, pulling blankets with him and toppling his daughter. 

“What? Carl? What is it? What?”

Clearly he wasn’t processing what was going on. In the corner, Carl was clutching his stomach and laughing himself hoarse. Judith unearthed herself from the mountain of blankets that had buried her and crawled closer to Rick.

“Daddy Rih!”

The ex-sheriff wiped sleep from his eyes and opened his arms to invite his daughter in. By now Eli had lost all hope in sleep. Daryl’s hand had found its way to her shoulder and was rubbing soothing circles. Eli decided to play dead. Anything to keep Daryl’s hand on her. Judith nuzzled with her daddy Rick. When she decided she was done, she wiggled free and tumbled over Eli to get to Daryl. The hunter held her with one hand.

“Goodmornin’ sweetheart. Why’re you up so early?”

“Up! Up! Up! Up!” Judith chanted, bouncing in Daryl’s grasp. 

Eli groaned at the movement which brought the baby to a standstill. She looked around the room in confusion, trying to figure out who had made the noise. Rick smiled at her, exhausted but happy to see his children. Judith finally figured out it was Eli beneath the covers and squirmed to get to her.

“Mama E?” she called.

The lump that was Eli twitched.

“Mama E?” Judy tried again.

Another rustle and then.

Come find me .

Judith shrieked and felt around for Eli. The woman waited another beat before exploding from the blankets. She pounced on Judy, tickling her tummy and pretending to eat her. The little girl laughed and clapped her hands. Rick and Daryl both shared a smile at the sight. No one had really had time for each other and it was wearing on them. Rick had chosen to avoid being alone with Eli since the trial, mainly to avoid hovering too much. Daryl had been so busy he hadn’t even had enough time to shower regularly. They both looked up at Carl. The boy wasn’t joining them, his smile tinged slightly by something else. Daryl opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but Carl shook his head no. 

_ -Look.- _

That was all he said, making sure Eli was distracted by Judith. The men didn’t quite understand. They had been looking. Eli and Judith were cute together and clearly enjoying their play. Carl shook his head. They’d figure it out. Now wasn’t the time for it. 

“Judy,” he called.

The baby stopped giggling and turned her big blue eyes to look at him. 

“What day is today Judy?”

She blew a bubble with her spit instead of answering. Carl signed something to her that the men didn’t understand. A grin immediately split Eli’s face. It took Judith another second, but she got it.

“Chritmas!!!!” she shouted.

“Christmas?” Rick and Daryl asked at the same time.

Carl nodded.

“It snowed.”

Eli lept out of bed, fighting her way to freedom through the sea of blankets. Sure enough, there was a dusting of snow over the yard and more flakes drifting softly from the sky. She clapped her hands in joy. 

_ -You told Judy about Christmas?- _

“Yeah,” Carl nodded, “I figured, no one really knows what the date is, so why not make it Christmas. Plus, it’s snowing.”

Rick burst into off key song.

“I’m dreaming, of a whiiiiiiittttee Christmasssssss.”

Daryl joined in, his voice rough and cheeks pink with embarrassment.

“Jus’ like the ones, I used to knooooowwww.”

Eli clapped her hands and pretended to be the conductor. Carl laughed at their antics and joined in. Judith watched with wide eyes. Just as the song ended, she burst into bellows of her own. She sang nonsense that started out with the right tune and ended in a jumble of notes. Eli encouraged her to keep going.

_ -Good girl Judy, do you like that? You like music and singing? Looks like she’s going to be a rockstar when she grows up.- _

Daryl snorted. 

“Sure, we’ll hold concerts in the mess hall.”

Eli shot him the bird, but it was without heat. Carl cleared his throat, cutting off his sister and bringing attention back to him. 

“Well, it’s Christmas, so we got you a few things. Beth, Michonne, Hershel, Maggie, they all helped. Tara too.”

He gestured to a small pile of poorly wrapped items by the door. They were wrapped in what appeared to be encyclopedia papers and maybe some maps? Eli looked at them with her mouth open.

_ -Carl, you didn’t need to- _

“Thank you,” Rick interrupted her. “We’ll have to get you something too.”

Daryl nodded thoughtfully. Maybe he had…

“Ah ha!” he shouted triumphantly.

From under a pile of clothes, he extracted a small package. Carl’s eyes lit up when he caught sight of it.

“You had M&M’s and you didn’t tell me?”

“Was savin’ ‘em, good thing too, or we’d have nothin’ for you.”

Carl was giddy. He loved chocolate. Scooping up Judith, he made his way over to Daryl and plopped down beside him. The hunter was surprised, but didn’t move away. Carl shifted closer to him and made grabbing motions for the treat. 

“Alright, but share with your sister.”

“Watch her, make sure she doesn’t choke now son.”

“Okay  _ Dad _ .”

The way he said it brought a smile to Eli’s lips. He was addressing them both. She took it upon herself to distribute the gifts. They’d been written on with sharpie, a rare commodity these days, and tied shut with shoe laces. 

“I’ll need the shoe laces back, everyone donated them, but only for today.”

Eli snorted. Two went to Rick, two to Daryl, and a whopping six had her name on them.

_ -Carl, this is too much. These can’t all be for me.- _

He shrugged.

“Don’t look at me, Judy and I made you guys something to share. You have to open everyone else’s first though.”

She smiled at him affectionately and gestured for Rick and Daryl to begin. Daryl opened his first gift. It said it was from Glenn and Maggie. Inside were a pair of archer’s gloves. They were a little worn, but looked to be his size. The were a very thoughtful gift and he tried them on. Eli grinned. Rick leaned over and pressed a kiss to the hunter’s cheek.

_ -We’ll have to thank them later. Do you like them?- _

Daryl nodded, speechless. Rick opened one of his next. It was from Tara and he burst out laughing as soon as he saw what it was. 

Inside the wrapping was a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs. Daryl chuckled as well and Eli waggled her eyebrows at him. Carl groaned and covered Judith’s eyes. The baby protested, her mouth darkened by chocolate. 

“Your turn darlin’.”

Eli shook her head.

_ -I want to open them all at once. One of you go.- _

Daryl shrugged and squinted at the writing on his next gift. 

“What does it say?” Rick asked.

The hunter rolled his eyes and read aloud.

“To Pookie, Love Carol.”

Everyone howled with laughter, Eli chortling silently. Daryl flipped them all the bird and pried it open. Inside was a beautiful hunting knife. Daryl slid his finger over the edge and hissed slightly. Sharp, good. It was a wonderful gift and useful to him as well. Eli tossed a clean rag to the hunter and Rick elbowed him.

“Careful, hate to see you hurt on our first Christmas together.”

Color rose in Eli’s cheeks, giving her a glow Carl hadn’t seen in weeks. The boy smiled to himself and fed Judith another M&M. Rick grabbed his second gift. This was from Carol as well, though he didn’t have a moniker on his. Enclosed in the package was a box of .357 bullets for his Python. Rick grinned as he read Carol’s note.

“Dear Rick, thank you for keeping this group alive long enough to reach the prison. You might not be firing your gun as often, but it never hurts to have a few extra bullets on hand in the event of an emergency.”

Eli clapped her hands, happy at the thoughtful gifts her lovers had received. Carl leaned into Daryl some more, settling against his side. The man cautiously wrapped an arm around his back, offering support and comfort. Judith munched happily on her treat, occasionally trying to feed Daryl an M&M with sticky fingers. He accepted, nibbling at her in the process. Eli took a moment to just enjoy time with her family. Lately it’d been harder to find time for each other. This was exactly what she needed right now. Carl wiggled impatiently.

“Eli, open yours now. Save mine for last.”

She nodded, lifting her first gift.

_ -From Tara- _

She unwrapped the gift and immediately blushed. Eli curled her lips around her teeth to keep from laughing and held up a roll of condoms. Carl groaned and Daryl covered his eyes. In turn, the boy covered his sister’s, the baby laughing at his antics. She also held up a bottle of lube and some sheets of… latex?

“What’s that?” Daryl asked, confused.

Eli looked between the men, her mouth open in disbelief. Rick appeared to be trying to figure it out as well. 

_ -Dental Dams- _

Her explanation didn’t seem to offer any clarity. They were still staring at her dumbly. Eli rolled her eyes, held one over her mouth and mimed licking it. Rick blushed, understanding finally striking him. Daryl still didn’t get it and Eli made a V with her fingers and licked between them. When he at last understood, he burst into laughter as well. 

“Tara, that woman thinks of everything, doesn’t she?” Rick chuckled along with Daryl. 

Eli slid those to the side and Daryl released Carl from his hold. The boy was blushing but looked happy. Her next gift came from Hershel. He gave her a lovely wool scarf in a dark green color. There were only a few holes in it and Eli was glad to have it.

“Open the next one,” Carl said impatiently.

He was hoping she’d finish quickly so they could open the group gift. Carl had helped with that one and was excited for it to be unwrapped. Eli sent him an adoring smile. Next was a gift from Carol. The outside had a note attached and Eli handed it to Rick to read. 

“Dear Eli,” he began, “It’s been over a month since I found you in the forest. Since then, so many things have changed. Finding you was one of the best things to happen to me in a long time. I admit, at first I wasn’t sure what to think of you. I mean, a girl in a tree with no weapons, no food, no water, and, of course, no pants. There was a language barrier at first, but I’m picking up on sign language pretty fast, thanks to you. Getting to know you has given me the strength to move on. Past things in my life that I thought I’d never recover from. You are an amazing, powerful, intelligent young woman, and I am so glad to have met you. I’m proud of you Eli. Love, Carol.”

By the end of the note, Eli had tears in her eyes. Rick opened his arms to her and she crawled over for a snuggle. From his lap, she opened her gift. Inside were a pair of beautiful daggers. The blades were curved slightly with serration on one edge and simple designs on the handles. They fit comfortably in Eli’s hands and she gave a few experimental strikes to the air with them. Rick leaned back to give her room. He smiled when she nodded once in satisfaction and put them aside. 

The next gift was from Michonne. Eli wheezed out a chuckle when she saw that it was a bar of chocolate and a Wonder Woman comic. She took it to mean that Michonne thought she was sweet, but also badass. With one more chuckle, she handed both over to Carl. He’d eyed both items with obvious longing and he’d get much more enjoyment out of the comic.

“Eli, this is your present, I can’t take it,” he protested.

She waved him away.

_ -I don’t have such a sweet tooth. And I imagine you’d love that comic. Think of it as a gift from all of us, even if it’s really from Michonne.- _

Carl grinned, not willing to argue with her logic. Judith tried to grab for the comic and Carl held it aloft.

“Not for you Judy, your fingers are all dirty.”

The toddler pouted, her lower lip trembling dangerously. Daryl leaned closer to the kids and planted a wet kiss on Judith’s cheek. Carl repeated the gesture on her opposite side and both boys managed to successfully distract her. Pretty soon she was giggling and trying to land chocolatey kisses on both of them. Rick grinned at their antics and wrapped his arms around Eli’s waist. She basked in his presence and a smile twitched at her lips. There was one more gift with a note attached. Rick grabbed it without being asked and read aloud.

“Dear Eli, we wish you a merry Christmas. Carl told us about his idea and he hoped it might help lift your spirits. Don’t forget you have friends here. If one of us is busy, you can always find someone to spend time with. You are always welcome to come see me and Sasha. Thank you for listening to me and understanding. It’s been hard to find people who accept my choice. Tyreese”

“What’s he mean?” Daryl asked. 

_ -Tyreese doesn’t want to hurt people. After what happened with the Governor, he’s been finding it difficult to muster the courage to kill people and walkers. I respect that and taught him a couple maneuvers that will give him time to flee, but not need to kill whomever is attacking.- _

Rick and Daryl wisely kept their mouths shut. They wouldn’t hesitate to kill, if they needed to. But Eli was a different sort of soul. She understood the motives and reasons behind people’s decisions, even if they might not. Given Tyreese’s decision, she’d done all she could to teach him ways to keep himself and those he loved safe. Rick cleared his throat, indicating there was more in the note.

“Eli. Thank you for being there for my brother. I’m sorry I scared you back when we first met. I wouldn’t have reached for you had I known it would make you so jumpy. We got you a small gift, it was Tyreese’s idea. Hopefully spending time with your family will do you some good.”

The bottom was signed by the siblings. Eli tore open the gift and found a beanie inside. With a snort, she tugged it over her unruly hair. Well, at least it would keep it out of her face. Carl was damn near bouncing beside Daryl. The hunter rolled his eyes at the boy’s excitement.

“Open the last one! It’s for all of you.”

Eli peered at the packaging. It was simple, brown paper that might have once been a bag. There were scribbles of color all over it. Eli raised a brow at Carl in question.

“Judith helped decorate it.”

At her name, the baby stared up at her brother. Carl leaned down and kissed her right on her sticky lips. 

“Right Judy?”

“Carl!”

Rick and Daryl laughed. Judith peered at them with big eyes and gummy smile. Eli blew her a kiss and carefully opened the present. She set the wrapping aside, intent on saving it. Daryl pulled it over to himself to look at. Judith reached for it and Daryl held it out for her to look but not touch.

“Looks like you’re gonna be an artist. Ain’t that right sweetheart?”

Judy gurgled softly. Eli was so engrossed in the gift, she didn’t even notice. One hand was over her mouth, the other shaking slightly. In her lap was six photos. Each had either Rick’s, Daryl’s, or her name on them. She passed them out and held back tears. 

“Do you like them?” Carl asked softly. “Beth helped me. She borrowed Maggie’s polaroid camera and took the pictures. I wanted you guys to have pictures for when you go on runs or out on hunts.”

Eli scrambled out of Rick’s hold and tackled the boy. Judith screeched as she was mushed between them, giggling and wrapping her arms as far around Eli as she could manage. The woman murmured silent words into Carl’s ear, kissing his cheek between sentences. He laughed, rubbing her back. 

“Love you,” he said quietly. 

She sniffled once and moved to sit between Rick and Daryl. She admired her photos once again. One was Carl and Judith. Carl was holding his sister’s arm up in a wave, the baby grinning around her fist. Carl was kissing her cheek, not quite looking at the camera. Her second photo was of Rick bent close to Daryl. They were obviously deep in conversation, but the look on both of their faces was beautiful. There was so much adoration and care that Eli felt her heart swell just looking at the picture. 

Rick was staring at his like they were the best gift he’d ever received. In the first, Eli was holding Judith in her lap. The baby had locked eyes with her, the sunlight reflecting between them. A lock of dark hair was wrapped in Judith’s fingers and Eli was mouthing words to the girl. She might have been singing. But the ghost of a smile played at her lips and Rick found himself leaning close to lock lips with Eli. She kissed him back, her cheeks wet with tears. He switched to the next picture, smiling once more. Here Daryl was showing Carl how to do something, maybe sharpening a knife. Daryl’s gaze was focused on his son’s face, the profile of his features in stark contrast to the blurry trees behind them. Carl had a grin on his face and a knife in his hand. Whatever Daryl had been teaching him, he must have done it correctly. 

Daryl looked down at his pictures with an unreadable expression. In one, Rick was holding Judith. His legs were blurry, so he might have been dancing. She looked to be in the middle of laughing, her hands resting on Rick’s chest. Rick’s mouth was open wide like he was singing and his curly hair was wild. The second was of Carl and Eli. In it, Carl’s eyes were squeezed shut and his cheeks were red. Eli had her arms wrapped around her stomach and her mouth wide in laughter. They looked so incredibly happy and all Daryl could do was stare.

“Do,” Carl asked tentatively, “do you like it?”

Daryl still didn’t speak, just carefully set the photos aside. He moved away from the boy and Carl’s face fell. He was sure they’d like his gift. Before he could blink, Judith was removed from his lap and Daryl tugged him into a bear hug. The feeling of being wrapped in the hunter’s arms was wonderful. It felt like safety and warmth and love. Carl hugged him back, harder than he had anyone else. 

“It’s perfect,” Daryl said gruffly. 

Rick’s arms, and then Eli’s, wrapped around the pair. Judith wiggled her way into the pile too and the whole family embraced. Eli couldn’t believe that Carl had thought to do something as amazing as this. Not only that, but he managed to pull it off without any of them noticing. Rick was so proud of his son. They all eventually separated, Eli wiping a few tears from her eyes. 

_ -Sweet boy, you’ve done too much. Next time you decide to have Christmas, let us know so we can get you something.- _

Daryl nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, as it is, I’ll be on the lookout for chocolate whenever I go for a run.”

“I’ll be looking for comics,” Rick vowed.

Carl smiled at his parents. A weight in his chest lifted. They loved him, really loved him. There was no second guessing it, not when they hugged him and complimented him, reminding him that he was important. Eli wiped her eyes, a smile finally resting on her mouth. She stood on shaky legs.

_ -Well, that was wonderful. I should go tell everyone thank you.- _

She bent down to kiss Carl’s forehead and then Judith’s.

_ -You’re a wonderful boy Carl. Really you are. I don’t know what we would do without you. We love you so much.- _

Daryl slid his calloused fingers through Carl’s hair as Eli signed to him. Rick watched them, content to just be here to witness his lovers caring for his son. This was how family was supposed to be. Eli gave everyone one last kiss and disappeared down the tower steps. Once she was gone, Rick and Daryl moved to get up and ready for the day, but Carl motioned for them to sit. His face was set in a grim line that had Rick and Daryl shooting each other worried looks. 

“We need to have a talk.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay some fluff! And Carl is so thoughtful and good. I'll see you soon! Thank you so much for continuing to read this story!


	61. Apologies pt I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth reflects on everything Carl told her as she digs through a bunch of junk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday!!
> 
> Which means a new chapter! And a new year!
> 
> Happy new year people, here's to mis-writing the date for the next five months

Beth was crouched with her head between her knees. Digging through the personal belongings of inmates was not a fun task. Originally, she’d taken to her ‘punishment’ like a fish to water. Sorting things had a calming effect on her. But it had been  _ weeks _ and this particular batch was nothing special. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why there was no food. Surely one of the prisoners must have had a candy bar. Nope. Nothing, nada, zilch. There was the occasional pack of cigarettes that she tucked away for Daryl, but mostly there was nothing. Clothes, shoes, no weapons,  _ money _ of all things. She had to have found thousands of dollars. It was all shit. They didn’t need money, they needed food. What was that expression?

_ When the last tree has been cut down, the last fish caught, the last river poisoned, only then will we realize that one cannot eat money. _

Yeah. That was the truth. She tugged at her hair in irritation. Just as she’d predicted, the solitude was getting to her as well. It was so quiet. Beth had tried humming, singing, anything to break up the silence, but it wasn’t really helping. More than once, she had been tempted to have Eli come with her. But Beth knew the dark haired woman had an issue with the dark, and it was certainly dark. Sure, the blonde had a few candles burning, but that only made the shadows stretch and jump. As a result, her time with her friend had been short and she had been distracted. It wasn’t until Carl cornered her that she realized her mistake. 

~~~~~~~~~

_ Beth had heard footsteps following her down into the catacombs. Part of her hoped… She didn’t dare turn around. She made it a few more yards before a voice called out to her. _

_ “Beth?” _

_ She turned. _

_ “Carl, what are you doing down here?” _

_ She rushed over to him. The boy was looking skittish, his eyes darting around the shadowed corridor. Beth rested her hand on his shoulder and he snapped back to reality. All traces of fear were gone from his face. Instead, he was stoic, solemn. Whatever he had to say, it had to be serious. Carl wouldn’t have come down unless it was important. Too many bad memories. _

_ “It’s about Eli.” _

_ Beth frowned. Was something wrong? She thought over the last time she’d seen the woman. Eli had seemed alright, a little quiet maybe, but not sick or anything. _

_ “I just saw her, has something happened?” _

_ Carl frowned then. He shrugged off Beth’s hand, a move that surprised the blonde.  _

_ “When did you last see her Beth?” _

_ “Did she go missing?” panic was clawing it’s way up Beth’s throat. _

_ “No. Answer the question.” _

_ “Um,” she had to think, trying to quell her anxiety, “well yesterday I think.” _

_ Carl shook his head. Beth’s brow furrowed in confusion. _

_ “You haven’t seen her in four days Beth. I’ve been watching.” _

_ “What’s this about Carl?”  _

_ Had it really been that long? It didn’t feel like it had been. _

_ “Eli’s depressed,” he said it like it should have been obvious. _

_ “Carl, we all get a little down sometimes, especially in the winter-” _

_ “You’re not listening!” Carl yelled, his voice echoing down the corridor.  _

_ Beth licked her lips.  _

_ “Okay,” she tried to be soothing, to calm him down, “okay Carl. I’m listening now. I promise. Tell me what’s wrong.” _

_ The boy was pacing, his hands in tight fists by his sides. Carl took a deep breath before talking. _

_ “Beth, she’s so sad,” his voice was cracking. “I made her talk to me a few days ago and she just cried. She cried so much I thought she might drown.” _

_ Beth swallowed hard. Had her friend really been suffering? How had she not noticed? But Carl wasn’t done yet. _

_ “Eli hasn’t been eating, she’s been so tired. She hasn’t been sleeping but she won’t tell me why. I think she’s having nightmares. Dad and Daryl are too busy to see it, and I guess you are too,” his tone was accusing and pierced Beth’s chest like a bolt. “But I’m not. I noticed it. I noticed because I love her. And maybe I’m the only one who does. I thought you were her friend Beth. But what kind of friend doesn’t notice when you’re depressed?” _

_ By the end of his rant, Carl’s face was red and tears had gathered in his eyes. Beth tried to reach out for him, to offer him comfort.  _

_ “No,” he stepped back, away from her. “No. I don’t want you to make me feel better. You didn’t see the look on Eli’s face. I love her. And if you do too, you’re gonna help me.” _

_ She nodded. Beth didn’t dare speak, afraid her voice was break and let loose a flood of tears.  _

_ “Right. So here’s the plan…” _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the big day. Christmas. By now, Carl would be getting his family up and handing out presents. Beth still felt like the biggest piece of shit for not noticing her friend’s pain. Once she was finished digging through the inmates’ things, she would head up to find Eli. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered.

Beth would probably beat herself up over her treatment of Eli much longer than she should. With one last sigh, she untangled herself and went back to work. The only reason she was still sifting through this junk was to find one last gift. 

Michonne’s.

Beth’s heart fluttered at the thought. To be honest, since that one short kiss, the blonde hadn’t see Michonne very much. A few times in passing, once or twice in the halls. But they hadn’t spoken once or even really made eye contact. Michonne had been sort of a ghost to Beth, someone you see out of the corner of your eye, but once you turn to look, they’re gone. She had an uneasy feeling that maybe the older woman thought she was avoiding her. Of course, Michonne knew about Beth’s punishment, but the blonde still worried. Hopefully she’d find a good gift and maybe Carol would give her the evening off. 

She dug through the mess she had made on the floor, more determined than ever to find something good. Beth’s stomach twisted. She’d never had a girlfriend before. Not that, not that Michonne  _ was _ her girlfriend. But maybe? The woman was beautiful, that much Beth knew. A sort of timeless grace and elegance in her features and the way she moved. Speaking of, how old was Michonne? Did she have family? Did she miss them? There was so much that Beth didn’t know about the woman. Frustration ebbed at the blonde’s consciousness. None of this shit would work for Michonne. Irritated, she picked up a boot and threw it down the corridor. Beth expected to hear the solid sound of the shoe connecting with concrete. Instead, she heard a dull thud followed by a muffled grunt. She drew her knife, wary of who it might be.

“Is someone there?” she called out.

Footsteps reverberated down the hall, but no one answered. Beth stood, holding her weapon in front of her, eyes straining to see who was approaching. From around the corner, a small, dark figure appeared.

“Eli!” Beth cried.

She holstered her knife and ran towards the older woman. Eli held her arms out and grunted when her friend made impact. Beth wrapped her legs around Eli’s waist and she stumbled back a few steps. 

“Oh I’ve missed you, I’m so sorry. Do you forgive me? I didn’t realize that things were so-”

Eli nuzzled Beth’s face to shut her up. The blonde lowered her legs but still clung to Eli like an octopus. The older woman huffed out a laugh and moved to sit. Beth followed her down, snuggling into her side with a contented sigh. 

_ -You’ve been busy.- _ Eli gestured to the mess they were sitting in.

Beth’s face was stricken. 

“I have. That’s no excuse though to not pay attention to you. I didn’t even realize how much you were hurting until Carl cornered me. I’m sorry Eli. I’ve not been much of a friend lately.”

She shrugged. It wasn’t Beth’s job to watch her. And it certainly wasn’t her fault that Eli’s brain sometimes lost its place.

_ -I have depression Beth. There’s not much to be done except wait it out. It will go away, it always does.- _

“Do you need medicine? I’m sure we could get you some.”

Eli shook her head.

_ -I don’t like it. It baselines me. I don’t get too sad, but I also don’t really get happy. I’d rather experience it all than lock it away.- _

“But maybe it would-”

_ -I don’t want to talk about this right now Beth.- _

For the first time in weeks, the blonde took a good hard look at her friend. Eli looked haggard. Sleep had clearly been evading her, though there was some color in her cheeks. The bags under her eyes were dark as bruises and her skin looked a little too tight. Even Eli’s hair looked limp and tired. Beth was sorely tempted to pester her about her well being, but Eli had asked her to change the subject.

“Did Carl and Judith wake you this morning?”

The smile that bloomed on Eli’s face could have lit up the room. Beth’s heart lifted at the sight and she couldn’t help but wrap arms around her friend once more. Eli batted at her halfheartedly. Instead of settling back down beside the woman, Beth slid behind her and started to work on her hair. 

“I can still see your hands,” she said softly. “Tell me about your morning.”

Eli hummed lightly. Beth never failed to bring Eli peace when she played with her hair. The blonde scratched at her scalp and combed her fingers through her dark locks, patiently waiting to hear about ‘Christmas’.

_ -Well it was Judith that got us up. She bounced all over us, screeching and hollering. It was the cutest thing when she said Christmas. Daryl found some sweets to give to her and Carl and we all opened presents.- _

She winced when Beth’s fingers tugged through a particularly stubborn knot. The blonde rubbed the area gently before continuing with her grooming. Eli sighed.

_ -And the presents, when did you guys have the time to get them?- _

Beth chuckled.

“Most of it we just had lying around. Other stuff I’ve unearthed while serving my punishment.”

Eli snorted. Didn’t sound like much of a punishment. She reached back to pat Beth’s knee.

_ -Sorry that you got in trouble by the way. I shouldn’t have listened to Lydia in the first place.- _

“That bitch deserved every blow I landed,” Beth said vehemently. “Fuck her.”

Eli coughed out a laugh.

_ -Anyways. Rick got some bullets from Carol and fuzzy pink handcuffs from Tara.- _

“Ooh, you gonna use ‘em?” Beth teased.

Eli rolled her eyes and leaned back into the blonde.

_ -Like anyone has time for that these days. She also got us condoms, lube, and dental dams.- _

“Eli you better make time! You’ve got enough goodies to last at least a couple days!”

The older woman batted at her to make her shut up. Beth giggled one last time before settling.

_ -Daryl got archer gloves from your sister and a hunting knife from Carol. She addressed it to Pookie.- _

“I’ll never understand how she gets away with calling him that. Hell, the first time she did it, I half expected him to run away screaming.”

Eli wheezed at the image before continuing.

_ -I got a hat, a scarf, a set of daggers. Some chocolate and a comic from Michonne too.- _

She felt Beth stiffen behind her. It only lasted half a second, but Eli noticed it. She tucked away that tidbit for later.

_ -And then the present from you and Carl. Honestly Beth, I don’t know how you did it. You don’t know how much it means to me, to us. That was the best gift I’ve ever received.- _

The blonde’s arms snaked around to envelop Eli. She kissed her hair and squeezed tight. Eli’s breaths were shaky, but even. They held each other for a few more minutes. When Beth pulled back, Eli sniffed hard and smiled. 

_ -This was the best day I’ve had in years. Maybe even my whole life.- _

“Oh don’t be silly,” Beth said bashfully, “a few polaroids and some fuzzy handcuffs? I’m sure you’ve had better gifts.”

Eli shook her head resolutely, a stubborn set to her jaw.

_ -No never.- _

Beth couldn’t help but hug her friend again. Eli’s torso shook with a laugh. This wasn’t the time to be sad about the past. It was about the present and looking to the future. When the blonde released her, Eli spoke again.

_ -So, Michonne?- _

“W-what about her?” Beth stuttered. 

Eli turned around and waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“Eli,” she moaned, “don’t make it weird. Nothing’s happened. Well, she kissed me a few weeks ago, right after the trial. But nothing  _ since _ then has happened.”

_ -She kissed you?- _ Eli’s hands moved rapidly and with excitement.

“Well, yes. She said if I ever need a distraction to remember it. But she hasn’t done anything since. I’ve barely seen her since the trial.”

_ -Well that’s hardly her fault. You’ve been playing hide and seek lately, digging through rooms.- _

Beth held up a placating hand.

“I know, I know. But I’m looking for something to give her. A really good present to show her, to show her-” she cut herself off.

_ -That you like her?- _ Eli suggested gently.

“Well. Maybe? I’ve never had feelings for a woman before. Or I’ve never really thought about it I guess.”

_ -Don’t over-analyze it. If you think being with Michonne will make you happy, then you should give it a chance.- _

Beth thought that over in silence. She finished braiding back Eli’s long hair and leaned against the woman’s back. Eli stayed still, letting Beth draw comfort in her presence and taking some in return. 

“I should probably just talk to her,” Beth mumbled.

Eli nodded. That was probably the best course of action.

“I just wanted to get her a present she’d really like. Everything here is shit.”

Eli snorted and nudged Beth back so she could talk.

_ -Get her alone somewhere, plant a kiss on her, and ask her to be your girlfriend. She kissed you once already, I’m sure she’s at least interested. Maybe make a little picnic and bring her to one of the rooms you cleared out. You don’t need to give her something tangible. Just talk to her.- _

Beth sighed.

“You’re right. I hate it when you’re right.”

_ -I’m always right. And right now, I could use some lunch. Will you come up with me?- _

Beth nodded. She could worry about Michonne later. For now, she still had a lot to make up for with Eli. The pair stood, joined hands, and headed upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a second chapter almost ready, but today is refinishing my stepdaughters room day so we will see if I get that out to you guys. If not, expect it within the next few days. 
> 
> Also! I've figured out where we are going and a timeline of stuff that's gonna go down. Hopefully that will help expedite my writing so you guys will get more!
> 
> For those of you who've been reading along, you guys rock. I added a note that I'd be totally down to see some fanart if anyone is interested in that at the beginning of the story. 
> 
> For those of you who are new! You rock also and thank you so much for reading my story!


	62. See No Evil, Hear No Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl speaks out against Rick and Daryl's distracted neglect of Eli

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good afternoon!
> 
> It's Sunday!
> 
> No beta, but doin' my best here. It's a bit of a short chapter, but I've got another one in the works. No promises for tonight, but I'll do my best.

“What’d you wanna talk about Carl?” Rick spoke tentatively.

“Everythin’ alright?” Daryl added softly.

“No. Things aren’t alright,” Carl’s words were heavy and hung in the air between them. 

The hunter thought maybe he was finally ready to talk about Lori. Maybe clue his dad into what was going on his head. He settled back in the nest, dragging a blanket over his shoulders. Rick watched him warily, copying the move. Daryl offered one to Carl as well, but the boy declined. He had a feeling things were about to get a lot hotter. 

“It’s about Eli.” 

Daryl breathed the slightest sigh of relief. After all the joy they’d had this morning, it would suck to drag up painful memories. Rick however didn’t look so calm. The look on Carl’s face was serious. It wasn’t going to be a pleasant talk about the woman. Daryl caught his gaze and frowned slightly.

“What about Eli?” Rick said slowly.

Carl was restless. He dragged both hands through his messy hair several times before answering. With Judith still in the room, he was doing his best to keep calm. His sister napped peacefully in her ‘crib’ and it would be a shame to wake her. Now, how best to phrase this...

“Are you blind?” he blurted at last. “I mean, do you even  _ see _ how Eli’s looked lately?”

“Don’t you talk to your daddy like that,” Daryl started, his voice hard with reprimand. 

“I’m talkin’ to both of you,” Carl cut him off. “Have you even noticed how fucking miserable Eli has been? Do you have any idea how she’s feeling?” 

Daryl swallowed down another admonishment at the boy’s language. If he was swearing, and doing so openly, he had to be upset. Something like fear, or maybe it was guilt curled in his gut.

“Carl, we’ve all been busy,” Rick’s hand was out, placating, trying to calm. 

“So busy you haven’t noticed your own family is hurting?” Carl exploded.

Judith stirred in her bed. Carl took a few breaths, trying to calm himself. Daryl could see the anger warring beneath his skin. The boy was just like his daddy. Normally he was happy, calm, could keep his emotions under control. But when he was pissed, he could tear someone in two. 

“Eli looks like she’s dying,” his tone was more level this time. “She’s paler than normal and she’s lost a lot of weight. I haven’t seen her in the messhall all that much. I think after she stopped seeing you two come in, she stopped going.”

“We eat inside,” Rick protested. 

Carl flicked his eyes to Daryl. The hunter was frowning, his lower lip caught between his teeth as he thought. Lately, he’d been eating wherever he was working, usually Carol would bring it to him. He wasn’t sure about Rick, but it had been days since he sat down and had a proper meal. Rick watched Daryl’s thoughts wash over his face with a sinking feeling of dread.

“Right?” he said it halfheartedly, like he wanted it to be true, but knew it was a lie.

The hunter shook his head slowly.

“No. We haven’t for a while now.”

Carl nodded once. At least they were willing to be honest. He’d be able to keep his anger under control as long as they didn’t lie.

“She’s not sleeping either. I don’t know why, but the bags under her eyes are black. How do you not notice that? You all share a bed.”

Daryl shook his head, ashamed. Rick felt his heart speed up. 

“Carl, you sleep with us too-”

The look his son gave him cut him off.

“I haven’t slept in the nest for over a week now Dad. How do you not notice an entire person missing from bed? I don’t know what the hell’s going on in your brain, but you need to get that shit out.” He took a deep breath, doing his best to push down on his anger. “You really haven’t noticed?”

“There are nights,” Daryl cleared his throat and looked sideways at his lover, “that I wake up and it’s just me an’ you Rick. Times that Eli ain’t there. I’ve been so damn tired I just go back to sleep. But I shouldn’t have. That’s not a reason to not see what’s goin’ on.”

Carl’s gaze softened a little bit while he watched the hunter. Rick looked like he was trying to find a lie in Carl’s words. Like he didn’t want to believe that he had been to blind to his lover’s state of mind. To her wellbeing.

“We, we all have nights we can’t sleep. That doesn’t mean-”

“Dad,” Carl’s tone was full of warning. 

“No, Carl,” Rick cut him off. “It’s winter, everyone looks paler. Maybe the cold bothers Eli’s scars or something.”

“Then you should have asked her how to make it better,” Carl retorted. “Are you still trying to tell me you don’t see? I told you to look at her this morning. Really look at her. What did you see?”

“She was happy!” Rick said desperately. “She loved being with us and spending the morning opening presents!”

“Exactly! Eli loved being with  _ us _ as in she hasn’t seen us in so long that a few hours made her overjoyed. But she wasn’t just happy, what else did you see? Daryl, you had to have noticed something.” 

The hunter bit at his thumb, willing himself to see what Carl wanted him to. She’d spent a long time buried in the blankets before Judith pulled her out. And the way she’d leaned into his touch, like she’d been  _ starved  _ for it. 

“She was lonely.”

Rick looked at Daryl. The hunter’s face was painted in dismay. Rick felt betrayed. He was sure that Eli was alright, maybe a little tired, but not  _ lonely. _ Right?

“Eli’s alright,” he said softly, “maybe we’ve been a little distant-”

“Distant?” Carl’s voice was dangerous and he stood up. “You know, she cornered me a few days ago. Asked me if  _ she _ did something wrong because I wasn’t sleeping up here anymore. I told her I was trying to give you guys some space so you could be alone.”

“Carl-” Rick reached for his son. 

The boy brought his hand out to silence him. He wasn’t finished.

“But you were too fucking busy wrapped up in your own heads that you didn’t even notice I was gone. At least Eli knows where I am, wonders  _ how _ I am. She actually cares about me enough to come see me when she thinks something might be wrong.”

Didn’t that hit like a bullet to the chest. Rick knew he lacked as a father on occasion. There were times he should have stepped up and didn’t. Like with Judith and Lori, he should have been there. But Daryl, Daryl had been the one to help Carl, care for Judith. Even as he thought it, the hunter was feeling just as guilty as Rick. He hadn’t noticed issues with Eli and he’d ignored them with Carl. With what Maggie had told him about how Carl was doing, the things that plagued the boy’s mind, Daryl should have said something. The hunter thought that it’d be better to let Carl come to him. But time had shown that Carl would rather lock it away than open up. He’d made a mistake.

“Carl,” Daryl spoke roughly.

“I’m not done yet.” There was steel in his voice. “She checked on me, made sure I was okay, and then she lost it. Eli was in tears, sobbing uncontrollably to  _ me _ . You know she hates that. You know how much she hates putting too much on my shoulders. And I love her for that. But you two put her in a position where she had no one else to go to. I love Eli, she’s the mother I wish I had. Ten times better than Lori ever pretended to be. You hurt her. Now tell me how you’re going to fix this! Tell me how you’re going to bring back my Eli!”

By now there were tears in his eyes. Daryl was the first to stand. He reached out, grabbed Carl tight and held him to his chest. The boy broke down at his touch. Daryl’s hand cradled his skull, his free arm pressing Carl closer to himself. 

“S’alright, I gotcha,” the hunter whispered it into Carl’s hair.

The boy sobbed, gut-wrenching sorrow flowing out of him in waves. Strong arms encircled him from behind, one hand slipping between him and Daryl. Rick held his son, tears of his own in his eyes. 

“‘M sorry Carl, I’m so sorry.” 

The boy buried his face in Daryl’s chest, his back shaking hard as he tried to swallow his sadness. Rick held him tighter. As much as he tried to deny it, he’d obviously been neglecting the people he cared for. Daryl felt his shirt grow damp and rumbled in his chest. Waiting for Carl to come to them, to come to him, had been a mistake. He wouldn’t make it again. The boy in his arms took one last shuddering breath and moved to pull away. His fathers released him, stepping back to give him space.

“You don’t need to apologize to me,” he said, “you need to set things right with Eli.”

Rick nodded solemnly, his eyes not leaving Carl’s face once. The boy looked tired, but there was a fire in his eyes that spoke of his love for Eli. She was lucky to have him. And Rick was lucky that the people he loved were still willing to forgive him. He vowed to himself that he would set things right with Eli and never lose sight of what mattered most to him. His family.

Daryl was watching Carl as well, measuring each breath he took. Once he’d calmed down some, Daryl edged towards him again. With no small amount of hesitation, the hunter reached out one hand to brush over Carl’s cheek. The boy’s exhale was shallow and shuddering, but he didn’t pull away. Daryl left his hand there for a moment before letting it fall.

“Carl,” he spoke softly. “Is there something else bothering you?” 

Rick’s arms hung limply by his sides. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what was going on with his son. It felt like Daryl knew more about Carl than he did. Rick cared for Daryl a great deal, but the fact that the hunter was so much more involved with his son made Rick feel incompetent. Like he wasn’t good enough. It must have shown in his posture, Daryl stepping closer to him and wrapping an arm around his waist. Rick took the comfort, even though he didn’t feel he deserved it.

Carl looked at the two men, the worry on Daryl’s face and the misery on his father’s. There were a lot of things bothering Carl, but the look in Daryl’s eyes suggested he knew something Carl hadn’t told him. Did he really want to get into this? Was it something he was capable of talking about after what he’d just discussed? On the one hand, he’d probably feel much better if he talked about it. On the other, he felt so tired. Emotionally exhausted and run down. He took a steadying breath.

“Yeah,” his voice was very small. “I’m ready to talk about Lori.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! So, I've got the next eight chapters planned out. Like the bones of them at least, but I've gotta flesh them out. 
> 
> I'm planning my wedding btw! At long last (it's only been a year since i got engaged) I've decided it's time to buckle down and get planning. I'm juggling a bunch of things, but I will continue to get you all chapters. The upcoming chapters should have a good deal more action in them as well in case you were feeling a bit underwhelmed from my last couple. I'll probably start writing at work again (during break and lunch) to try and give myself more time. 
> 
> I hope you liked my short chapter this week! Thank you for your continued support and readership (is that a word?)


	63. Rotten Plottin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia is still around at the prison, stuck doing things she isn't fond of. New information comes to light and she starts to plan her revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday!
> 
> This chapter is a little brief, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. No beta still! Also there's the slightest bit of smut in this chapter, not too graphic or very long, but it's there!

Three weeks. Three fucking weeks it’d been. Lydia sneered at the walker snarling at her from the other side of the fence. Two weeks of poking the fucking things in the head with a  _ stick _ . Carol had been the one to bring her out, the very day of the trial. Lydia had been expecting a knife, but no. Carol had smiled in that sickeningly sweet way and handed her a broom handle. She’d been told in no uncertain terms that she would need to sharpen it herself. 

The brunette plunged the handle into the walker’s eye, gagging at the feeling. Glancing surreptitiously at the other workers, Lydia did her best to keep from puking. The very first day she had lost her stomach. The others had offered her no comfort, snickering to themselves. Honestly she shouldn’t even be out here at all. It was disgusting, demeaning work that was quite frankly below her station. Back at Woodbury, she hadn’t ever needed to lift a finger. Hell, she didn’t even do her own  _ laundry _ . 

Lydia glared up at the sky, the sun still resolutely high above her. Her fingers were numb, nearly frozen to her broom handle, and her nose was constantly dripping. She hated this. Hated that she was being punished, hated that she had been put on trial, hated that she couldn’t get Rick to even  _ look _ at her. But most of all, she hated Eli. 

A particularly enthused walker was gnashing its teeth at her through the fence, bits of its flesh peeling off on the rusty metal. She sunk her stick into its face. Seeing the thing’s twisted skin and scarred body reminded her of Eli. For a while, it looked like the petite woman had been wilting. Lydia wasn’t allowed anywhere near her. Carol saw to that. But Lydia took great pleasure in noticing her absence from the mess hall. And the few glimpses she’d gotten of Eli proved even more enjoyable. The woman seemed to be shrinking into herself. Her body was growing gaunt and her skin a sickly shade of grey. Wonderfully, Rick and Daryl both appeared to be oblivious to Eli’s withering state.

The smile that had been twitching at Lydia’s lips twisted into an ugly frown. But of course, Lydia had heard about Carl’s impromptu ‘Christmas’ with the woman. Not long after that, Eli started to improve rapidly. The little brat wasn’t doing himself any favors by aligning with Eli. Not to mention he had an annoying habit of popping up whenever the brunette tried to be alone with Rick or Daryl. As soon as she seduced one of the men, she’d see to it that Carl suffered an ‘accident’ of some sort. Maybe, she thought maliciously, he’d get bit while on fence duty. Lydia shook her head.

But for now, it was Eli she needed to be concerned about. Ever since Christmas, the woman had been  _ improving _ . Rick and Daryl were constantly around her, almost like they were taking shifts. Lydia had caught the hunter with Eli in more than a few compromising positions around the prison. Once in a closet, locked together in a passionate embrace and oblivious to Lydia’s hateful eyes. Another, she stumbled upon Eli pushing Daryl hard into a wall before pulling him down for a rough and frantic kiss. While it had soured her mood some, she had bigger and better options. Daryl was low hanging fruit in her opinion. It was Rick she really wanted. A cruel smile twisted her features.

“Lydia!”

The brunette turned at the sound of her name. She wiped the smile off her face when she saw it was Carol. The grey haired woman had been a warden of sorts to her. While Lydia had done everything she could think of to get on Carol’s good side, the older woman would not be swayed. It had come as a surprise, who would have thought such a petite and soft spoken person could be so firm? 

“Carol,” Lydia answered, walking to meet her.

“Are you ready to get to work?”

Lydia grit her teeth hard and glared at her keeper. Carol stared back, expression blank and unfazed.

“I’ve been working all day,” she bit out, “can’t I get the afternoon off? Shower even?”

Carol cocked her head to the side and studied the brunette. She was spattered in walker blood, her hair in disarray. The older woman hid a smile. Like this, Lydia looked almost as ugly on the surface as she did on the inside. Rather than answer the woman’s questions, Carol turned and headed back to the prison. Behind her she heard a stifled scream from Lydia and then footsteps stomping after her. 

“Today,” Carol said pleasantly, “you’ll be doing laundry with me. Glenn and Sasha just came back from a run and there stuff’s pretty messy.”

Lydia groaned to herself. Everything Carol made her do was mundane and seemed simple enough. But somehow, it always ended up being mind-numbingly tedious and, more often than not, demeaning in some way shape or form. Carol had once had her take stock of their food stores, making Lydia work through lunch and dinner before at last letting her go with a bowl of cold soup. She tolerated it, but only for now. As soon as she had Rick in her grasp, she’d rule this shithole. 

The pair headed inside, Carol handing off a laundry basket half full of clothes. Lydia was led around to all of the cells, people throwing more items into the basket. She scowled when a set of muddy pants hit her in the face. 

“Watch it,” she growled. 

Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw who had thrown the pants. Daryl stood before her, an unimpressed frown on his lips. Lydia resisted the urge to fix her hair. She stood a bit taller and rewarded the hunter with a coy smile.

“Daryl, I didn’t realize it was you!” she gushed with false enthusiasm. “I haven’t seen you around lately, where have you been?”

Carol rolled her eyes between them. Leave it to Lydia to try and seduce Daryl while covered in walker blood and holding a pile of disgusting laundry. The hunter didn’t respond, raising an eyebrow and flicking his gaze to Carol. Lydia bit back a frown.

“I’ve been hoping to catch you, see if you wanted to maybe do something together sometime. Have lunch together?” 

Daryl’s mouth dropped open in shock. Really, Lydia just didn’t fucking get it, did she? He looked to Carol for backup. The older woman shrugged and looked pointedly at him. He would have to put a stop to this, she wouldn’t be able to sway the brunette. Daryl sighed heavily.

“Don’t you have clothes to be washin’?”

Lydia was too busy frowning at the hunter to notice Carol’s glare. Daryl had gone easy on Lydia, he could have easily eviscerated her and Carol knew it. Lydia took a step closer to the hunter.

“I’m sure I could make some time for you,” she tried again. “Carol could handle this on her own I’m-”

“Look,” Daryl interrupted, his tone controlled but furious, “I ain’t gonna talk to you, do anything with you, hell, I don’t even want to  _ see _ you.”

The hunter took a threatening step forward, and Lydia shrank down into herself. 

“Eli won’t tell me what you did to her, do you know why?”

The brunette shook her head hard. Things weren’t going how she thought they would. Daryl leaned in real close to her face, his nose almost brushing hers. Lydia could see the swirling rage in the oceans of his eyes. 

“She’s afraid I’ll kill you. Count yourself lucky that she’s as kind as she is, I’m not so forgiving.”

And with that, he pulled back. Carol smiled softly at him and lay a hand on his cheek. Daryl leaned into it for a half second and then strode off. Lydia was damn near pissing herself with fear. Never had she seen the hunter so angry. The older woman turned back to her with a twisted smile.

“Well, now that we’ve got that out of the way, I think it’s about time we got started on this laundry.”

Lydia swallowed hard and shook herself. Gone was the momentary fear, instead she was angry and annoyed. With a put-upon sigh, Lydia trailed after Carol to the ‘laundry room’. Carol pulled her over to a barrel of rainwater and poured in a bit of powdered soap. She waved her hand at it expectantly, waiting for Lydia to dump the clothes in. The brunette did as instructed and set to washing. Carol sat down and pulled out some knitting. They both worked in silence for several long minutes before Carol spoke.

“You know,” she said without looking up, “you won’t get anywhere with Daryl. That man is loyal to a fault to those he cares about.”

Lydia snorted. Loyalty wasn’t that hard to break. A few rumors back at Woodbury had been all she needed to get into the governor’s bed. Carol must have guessed at her thought process.

“He’s not like other men, he can’t be fooled as easily. Besides, you aren’t really his type.” 

Lydia turned and shot her a glare. She was everybody’s type. 

“What, like Eli is somehow better than me? I’ve seen her, she’s nothing. Her nose is crooked, she’s too thin, and she can’t talk. How is someone like that more attractive than someone like me?”

Carol pursed her lips and tried to bite back her anger. 

“Eli is intelligent, helpful, strong, kind, understanding, and compassionate. She is beautiful in a way you will never be. Her scars and the parts of her that are imperfect are a testament to what she’s been through. Things you couldn’t even imagine, let alone survive. Eli is incredibly brave.”

Lydia snorted, “If she was really as strong and brave as you seem to think she is, she would have left. Wherever she was, whoever she was with that was fucking up her body, it takes real strength to leave. Staying there when she should have left was weak. I bet she was afraid of being alone and that’s why she stayed. Or maybe,” she sneered cruelly, “she did all of that to herself for attention.”

Carol’s hand twitched around her knitting needle. She fought back the urge to push it through Lydia’s eye. The brunette didn’t realize how close to home that hit for Carol, but the older woman wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that she’d been abused as well. It wasn’t as black and white as just being able to leave, walk away from someone who’s been hurting you. Carol regretted not leaving Ed, but Eli hadn’t had the luxury of choices. And to suggest that she’d done all of that to  _ herself _ , well, Lydia was just lucky she wasn’t dead on the floor right now. Carol was trying to breath and control her murderous temper when she heard footsteps. Around the corner came Beth, the blonde appearing just in the nick of time. 

“Carol,” she greeted. 

“Beth,” Carol breathed out, “what can I do for you dear?”

Lydia glared daggers at the blonde, which Beth pointedly ignored. 

“I was hoping to get tomorrow off from stocking,” she lowered her voice slightly, “I’m hoping to have a date.”

Carol smiled softly at the girl. She’d grown up quite a bit since they met back at the farm. 

“Of course you can, you’re almost done now, aren’t you?”

Beth nodded, a small smile pulling at her lips. Lydia’s ire rose until she couldn’t contain it anymore.

“What do you mean she’s almost done? Why am I still stuck doing stupid shit like this?”

Both women ignored her, although Carol’s eyebrow twitched. Beth’s lips were pinched together in thought. 

“You know,” she said slowly, “I think Lydia should have a shower.”

Carol stared at her like she was insane. Beth met her gaze with a calm expression and Lydia grinned triumphantly. 

“It looks like she’s been working hard,” Beth continued, “I think maybe she deserves a little reward. Don’t you?”

While Carol and Beth had a staring contest, Lydia smirked to herself. It was about time Beth started to treat her with respect. It wouldn’t be enough to keep her from retaliation once Lydia was in charge, but it might  _ lessen _ her eventual punishment. Oh yes, Lydia intended to punish all of those who had wronged her, starting with Carol. It seemed as though Beth and Carol had finished their silent conversation, because the older woman sighed in defeat.

“Alright Lydia, you can go have a shower. I expect you back as soon as you’re done, so don’t dawdle.”

The brunette chose not to answer, instead rushing off towards the bathrooms. Her mind was whirring as she entered. Maybe if she took a fast shower, she could go off and find Rick. Surely freshly cleaned, he’d spare her a second glance. At the trial, she’d been locked up in a cell overnight before they finally released her. Being greasy hadn’t helped win her any points. She headed over to a shower stall but before she could start it, she heard a sound from the back of the room. 

It sounded almost like, groaning? Fear filled Lydia. Was it a walker? Carol didn’t allow her to carry a weapon around, stating that she might run off and hurt someone. While that may have been true, the last thing she wanted to do was die defenseless at the hands of a walker. Lydia turned to run when Carol’s words echoed in her mind. She said Eli was brave and that was why the hunter liked her. Well imagine how brave Lydia would look if she single handedly took down a walker  _ with no weapon _ . She took a deep breath and circled around to the other side of the room. Lydia crept quietly around the shower stalls, inching closer to the darkened space beyond. The closer she got, the louder the sounds. With caution, she peeked around the stall, only to be met with a horrifying sight. 

There were two bodies, wrapped around each other and pinned against a wall. As Lydia’s eyes adjusted to the dark, she could just make out tanned skin and a twisting scar on the back of one figure. It had to be Rick, she’d know that curly hair anywhere. The arms that clung to him were thin, pale, and scarred. She felt fury build up in her gut. Rick was holding Eli up between himself and the wall, thrusting into her at a leisurely pace. Beads of sweat rolled down his body and his muscles bunched together with every plunge. Eli’s fingers were dragging red lines down his back, her breath coming in short gasps. 

Lydia wanted to turn away, or maybe run forward and pull them apart, but she couldn’t stop watching. Rick shifted Eli in his arms slightly and her face appeared over his shoulder. Her eyes were squeezed shut. Her lips moved in silent pleas against Rick’s neck. He growled low and attacked hers in answer. Lydia watched entranced as he placed open mouthed kisses along the column of her neck. Eli’s tendons jumped and her throat bobbed when teeth scraped over sensitive skin. She let out the softest and most broken whine Lydia had ever heard. The noise spurred Rick on and he started to move faster. It was then that he spoke, his voice rough and low.

“Come on darlin’, I know you’re close,” he groaned low in his throat, “I can feel it. God you’re so fuckin’ perfect. So perfect for me.”

Eli shook her head hard against Rick’s shoulder, her nostrils flared and her legs squirmed. The fingers that had been trailing across his back turned into claws, tearing down the skin. Rick hissed and pressed a searing kiss to Eli’s lips. 

“That’s it, show me how bad you want it, show me what you need darlin’.”

The dark haired woman all but screamed, her teeth clamping down on Rick’s neck. He groaned in answer, his thrusts becoming erratic. Eli was damn near kicking him from all her squirming. Finally, she stopped moving altogether. Her whole body went rigid, eyes wide and mouth open. Rick let out a whimper and thrust twice more before falling still. The pair panted together, Eli tracing slow circles over Rick’s back. The man snorted into her hair.

“Your headache gone now?”

Eli nodded with a smile and Rick pressed another kiss to her lips.

“Always happy to help darlin’, you come to me if you get another one.”

Lydia ducked into a stall before they untangled from each other, hiding until she heard them leave. Her heart was pounding, the image of Rick with Eli seared into her brain. God he had been gorgeous, stunning and powerful. But he was supposed to be with  _ her _ , not Eli. That little bitch couldn’t give it to him  _ half _ as good as she could. She just had to get Eli out of the way, and she’d be in the clear. With that in mind, she turned on the shower, and started to plan. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been great and I appreciate all the kudos and comments, it's lovely to have people be so supportive of my writing! Lydia's gonna get what's coming to her, don't worry! 
> 
> I hope you all have a great week, I'll see you next time! Hopefully with a little more written!


	64. Liar Liar Pants on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth gets ready for her not-date.
> 
> Angst!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH!
> 
> I didn't post last week and I apologize. I was doing the women's march on Saturday and wow was that super cool. Approximately 4.5 million people marched worldwide and I was part of it. The one I went to expected 1000 people. There were 10000 of us. It was peaceful, I took my little sister and my mom and it was super rad. So that's why I didn't post last week. I hadn't finished what I was writing due to I was really excited (and worried) about marching.

“Where the fuck is she?” Beth muttered to herself. 

The blonde had been wandering around the prison since dawn. She had vowed to take full advantage of her day off but so far all she’d done was waste it. Stupid, she chastised herself, of course Michonne would be busy. It wasn’t like the woman would be just waiting around for Beth to find. But, it had been  _ hours _ since she began her search. Surely  _ someone _ would know where she was.

“Tara!” Beth called out when she caught sight of the brunette. 

Tara turned, a smile sliding into place when she caught sight of the blonde. They weren’t quite friends yet, but Tara was hoping they would be. After she had stood up for Eli, the people from Woodbury had sort of alienated her. Unfortunately, the general mistrust the rest of the group had still stuck to her. Really the only people she spoke to were Carol and Eli. It’d be nice to expand her friend list a bit. 

“Beth!” she exclaimed. She threw an arm over the smaller woman, giving her a gentle squeeze. “What can I do for you?”

The blonde rolled her eyes at Tara’s antics. The girl had the brightest disposition of all of them. 

“I’m looking for Michonne, have you seen her?”

“Ooh,” Tara waggled her eyebrows, “got a hot date?”

Beth didn’t answer, but her blush gave her away. Tara’s jaw dropped open.

“No way,” she breathed, “I didn’t even, holy shit!”

“It’s not a big deal,” Beth shushed her, “it’s not like we’re together or anything yet. I just wanted to ask her to have dinner with me is all and I haven’t been able to find her yet. Do you, have you seen her?”

“Wow, this is huge. I mean, not to out you or anything, but I thought it was just me. Well me and Dorothy, but still. Wow! And I guess Rick and Daryl too now that I think about it. Huh, there’s a lot more of us than I thought. But wow! My gaydar didn’t go off with you at all, or Michonne for that matter. Usually I’m pretty good-”

“Tara!” Beth snapped her fingers in front of the woman, “Stay on task here! Have you seen Michonne?”

Now it was her turn to blush, “Oh, um, no. Well not yet anyway. She’s supposed to see me a little later in the day. I’m going on a run tomorrow with Tyreese and she’s helping us find out what everybody needs. Maybe that’s why you haven’t seen her yet.”

Relief blasted through Beth, the tension she didn’t know she was holding being forced out. Thinking quickly, she figured out a way to work with this new information.

“Yeah, I bet that’s it. Can you do me a favor?”

“Of course!” 

“When you see Michonne, can you ask her to meet me in the administrative wing once she’s done with everything she needs to do? There will be dinner waiting.” Beth paused a beat, “Um, can you not mention that it’s a date?”

Tara furrowed her brows.

“Isn’t it a date?”

“Well, I want it to be, I hope it is. But I don’t want to scare her away if she isn’t interested in me, you know?”

The brunette snorted at her words. Beth had some serious self confidence issues.

“Beth, you’re beautiful, intelligent, kind, funny, sweet, and a million other wonderful things. Who wouldn’t be interested in you?”

This brought a smile to the blonde’s lips. She batted playfully at Tara’s shoulder.

“Stop, you’re embarrassing me. Just, don’t tell her it’s a date. I’ll be waiting, as long as it takes.”

“I’ll tell her,” Tara promised, “don’t you worry about it either. I’m sure things will work out for you.”

With that, the brunette gave her one last hug and wandered away. Beth took a deep breath. It would work out, she was sure it would. It made no sense for her to be this nervous about it, after all, Michonne had kissed her. Right? She shook her head to clear her thoughts. Of course it’d be fine, she wouldn’t let her insecurity get in the way of tonight. 

Beth scurried around the prison to gather everything she needed. Taking a peek outside, the blonde snickered. Lydia was still at the fence, her face smeared in a blackish goo that could only be rotting walker. Served her right for smearing Eli’s name. Speaking of… maybe Eli would help Beth get dressed and do her hair. Before she could turn to find the woman, someone called out her name. 

“Beth,” Daryl said her name low and rough.

She smiled at the hunter softly. Truly he was becoming one of her closest friends, the two spending a good deal of quiet moments together.

“Daryl,” she smiled up at him, “I was just going to ask Eli for a favor. What can I do for you?”

The man shrugged, peering at Beth through his bangs. He nibbled halfheartedly at his lip. Beth frowned slightly. Usually he only did that when he had something he wanted to say, but was too nervous to do so. Making up her mind, she took his hand and pulled him along after her.

“Beth?” he asked.

“I could use some help picking out a nice outfit for tonight. Are you any good at braiding hair?”

Daryl snorted and rolled his eyes, but he didn’t pull away. Beth grinned back at him as they wound their way through the halls to her cell. Once inside and with the curtain firmly in place, she sat him down on her cot and set to digging through her clothes. Daryl stared at her, perplexed.

“You didn’t really mean…”

“That I needed help? I do, but don’t worry, I won’t really make you braid my hair,” she teased.

The hunter huffed out a laugh at that. He settled back a bit and watched Beth work. She was pulling out her three good sweaters and laying them out. Daryl hid a smile when she looked at them while tapping her chin in thought. It wasn’t exactly rocket science. To him, all the sweaters looked pretty much the same. Color didn’t last long without washing machines so most of Beth’s things were neutral tones. 

“So,” Beth spoke without looking up, “what did you want to tell me?”

Daryl started, “What d’you mean?”

Beth sighed softly and stepped so she was standing between his legs. She pointed her finger and slowly brought it to his lips. Daryl held perfectly still, his breathing shallow. He trusted Beth, she wouldn’t do anything he didn’t like. Very gently, she prodded his bruised lip and then poked his nose. 

“You bite yourself when you’re thinking about what you want to say,” she turned back to her sweaters, picking one up. “So what did you want to tell me?”

He remained silent, wondering when his thoughts had become so transparent. Daryl focused back on Beth. She lifted up a slightly blue sweater and held it against her chest. She looked at Daryl with one eyebrow raised. 

“What do you think?” she asked. 

Daryl threw his hands up in the air and then crossed them over his chest. 

“Is it warm?”

Beth snorted. Leave it to Daryl to look at things based on how useful they were. 

“Yes, it’s the warmest one I have. Does it look nice?”

“Dunno, why’re you dressin’ up anyways?”

Now it was the blonde’s turn to purse her lips. Rather than answer, she pulled it on and smoothed her hands down the front. Now on to her hair. Just as she was reaching up to do it, Daryl scooted back on the bed and patted the space in front of him. Beth looked at him in puzzlement, but did as he indicated. With extreme care, the hunter combed out her blonde locks. After a few minutes of this, Daryl spoke.

“Used to braid my ma’s hair.”

Beth hummed, relaxing under his hands. His fingers slid through her hair like silk, the callouses only catching on occasion. She felt her eyes slide shut as he began to weave the strands into an intricate plait. The hunter settled into the rhythmic feel of it.  

“It’s been two months Beth.”

“Hmm?” she answered.

“Since Eli got here.”

Beth’s eyes popped open and she breathed in deeply.

“It’s only been that long?”

She felt the body behind her tremble with laughter. A smile slipped over her lips, but she didn’t move and Daryl’s hands didn’t stop. 

“Yeah,” she could hear the hesitation in his voice, “I’ve been keepin’ track.”

“Mm, she did save your life.”

He shook his head slightly.

“She’s done a lot more than that... I wanna do somethin’ for her.”

“You already do a lot for her. You’re there when she’s sad. I’ve seen you two sneak out to the forest more than once you know.”

The taunt earned her a sharp tug to one strand of hair. Beth chuckled softly. 

“Why now?” she asked.

Daryl shrugged.

“Dunno. Seemed stupid before. Thought about it, for the one month, but it felt dumb. It ain’t like a couple’s anniversary. Or a trio’s?” 

The questioning tone at the end of his sentence made Beth giggle. Normal expressions didn’t always fit with what Daryl, Rick, and Eli had. 

“It’s not stupid. It’s still an anniversary, an important one. It’s the day that Eli came into your lives. Not to mention you and Rick pulling your heads out of your asses and noticing each other.”

The hunter gently flicked the back of Beth’s head and she batted at him. 

“Don’t wiggle so much, I’ll mess up your hair.”

“How’d you get so good at this anyways?”

“Told you, used to do it for my ma.”

Beth hummed skeptically and warm breath puffed over the nape of her neck. Daryl’s hands slowed.

“Used to make her feel pretty. She barely got out of bed towards the end, this helped make her feel better. I got real good at it for a while.”

The blonde felt her stomach drop. 

“What happened to her?”

“She died.”

Beth didn’t say anything to that. Daryl sighed, twirling together the last few pieces of her hair.

“Set the house on fire and went out with it. Was a long time ago, I was a kid.”

His hands fell still and to his lap. Beth turned around, sliding her arms around his shoulders. Daryl allowed her to hug him, knowing that she meant to comfort him with her touch. But really, it was years ago, decades even. He’d come to terms with it pretty early. There was no time for mourning in his house. Hell, his daddy didn’t even pull his head out of the bottle for her funeral. Eventually Beth released him. Her pale eyes peered into his stormy ones, nodding once when she saw that he was alright. 

“I think you should do something special. For Eli and Rick. It might not be the anniversary of when you got together, but it’s still a pretty important day,” Beth’s gaze turned sly. “I heard you got some pretty special gifts from Tara for Christmas. Maybe you ought to put them to good use.”

The blonde waggled her brows at Daryl. The hunter groaned and nudged her off the bed. 

“Stop,” he said with a smile. 

Beth laughed to herself for a minute, Daryl biting his lips to keep in his grin. Once she caught her breath, he spoke.

“Who’re you gettin’ dressed up for anyway? There a party I wasn’t invited to?”

The blonde blushed scarlet. 

“N-no,” she stammered, “I’m gonna have dinner with Michonne. It’s not a date or anything though.”

Daryl cocked a brow and heaved himself up. 

“Well,” he stretched tall, “let me know if I need to give her a chat. Can’t have her breakin’ my lil’ sister’s heart after all.”

Before Beth could react, he was out of her cell and down the hall. A warm feeling filled her. Daryl didn’t call people his family lightly and it meant the world to her that he thought of her as a sister. There was the slightest slip of her smile. It’d be nice to have a big brother again. She’d mourned Shawn for long enough, it was time to let someone new in. 

Her grin was back full force. With any luck, she’d be adding more than just Daryl to her family tonight. Now all that was left was to get ready, and wait. 

\-------------------------------

Beth squinted at her watch, tapping the thing to be sure it was still working. She was sitting on a blanket, some sandwiches and cans of fruit lined up beside her. Unfortunately, she had been sitting for hours. The candles she had brought were down to nubs and the sky outside had been firmly dark for some time. 

“Maybe Tara forgot to tell Michonne,” she murmured to herself. 

But it couldn’t be that. The brunette had been way too excited and surprised to forget something as important as this. Not that it was important. Beth tugged at the braid in her hair. It wasn’t a date. She’d already said it wasn’t; there was no reason to get upset that Michonne wasn’t here. Maybe she had something to do. 

The longer Beth thought about it, the more she doubted. Maybe Tara had implied it was a date and that had scared the swordswoman away. Maybe Beth had read the whole situation wrong. Maybe that kiss really  _ had _ been just a distraction. Or maybe Michonne just felt bad that she was being punished for standing up for Eli.

“Maybe, maybe, maybe. Quit bein’ such a baby,” Beth whispered to herself.

Her stomach growled in protest. She had skipped lunch, too excited to eat. And now… well now she didn’t want to start and have Michonne show up halfway through. If she showed up. 

Beth counted the minutes ticking by, coming up with reason after reason for why Michonne wasn’t there. She was sick, she was doing someone else a favor. Judith needed babysitting and no one else could do it. As her watch edged towards midnight, despair started to drown Beth. The blonde sighed and swallowed her urge to cry. It didn’t matter. With shaking hands, she started to pack up her dinner. Before she blew out the candles, the sound of a door opening and closing echoed down the hall. Hope flared in her chest. 

To the steady rhythm of boot heels on cement, Beth unpacked her sandwiches again. Once they were arranged how she wanted them, the footsteps were much closer. The blonde exhaled slowly through her mouth and smoothed nervous hands down the front of her sweater. The sounds from the hall slowed and came to a stop just outside the door. Was she nervous too? The thought brought color to Beth’s cheeks. Imagine, here she was this whole time worrying about what Michonne thought of her. It never occurred to her that maybe the swordswoman might be stalling, not because she wasn’t interested, but because she was shy. Michonne played her cards close to her chest. There was movement outside the door once more and Beth straightened up.

“Michonne, I’m glad you could-”

The blonde cut herself off when she caught sight of the other woman. Michonne looked ragged. There were bags under her eyes and her posture was not strong, but bent and tired. Beth rushed over to the woman.

“Come in, are you alright? Have you eaten? I’ve made sandwiches and there’s some fruit. What happened?”

Beth reached out a hand to guide Michonne. The woman jerked back from it as if it would burn her. The blonde’s lips parted slightly, but she retracted her arm. Quieter now, she invited Michonne to join her. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked so many questions at once. Won’t you come in and eat?”

Michonne hesitated in the doorway. 

“Beth I-”

“It’s not a date!” she blurted.

Her outburst brought a small smile to the swordswoman’s lips. Michonne finally stepped into the room, sitting gracefully on the blanket Beth had prepared. The blonde watched her carefully, trying to see if she was hurt, but Michonne gave nothing away.

“Thank you for the meal,” she said softly. 

Beth sat in front of her and reached for her own sandwich. She took a bite of it, wincing slightly at the texture of the bread. Homemade was harder to make without eggs, milk, or butter, but Carol did her best. She glanced at Michonne from beneath her lashes. The woman was staring blankly at the blanket, her jaw moving mechanically. 

“Are you alright?” Beth pressed again.

Michonne startled. Her eyes snapped back to the blonde, for the first time really  _ seeing _ her. She looked younger in the soft blue of her sweater. And her hair, it’d never been done that way before. It brought the slightest frown to Michonne’s lips. Beth’s eyes reflected the concern in her words, but also showed exhaustion. Like she’d been waiting for much too long and nearly given up hope. But there was a glow to her cheeks, as if Michonne being there made her brighter somehow. 

“I’m fine,” she replied at last, “just tired. It’s been a long few weeks.”

That was only half the truth. It had been a long few  _ years _ is what she really wanted to say. But Michonne wasn’t one to reveal anything about her past. Beth was watching her with a calculating look. The firelight from the candles danced off her blue eyes, setting them ablaze. Michonne had to look away. 

“I haven’t seen you around lately,” Beth said lightly. “Not since the trial.”

Michonne’s body stiffened at her words. The blonde noticed and felt her stomach drop. Maybe she  _ had _ been avoiding Beth. Before Michonne could answer, she pressed on, trying to alleviate the tension. 

“You must’ve been busy. What have you been up to?”

The woman opposite her relaxed fractionally, but didn’t answer. Beth picked at her sandwich with slumped shoulders. This really wasn’t how she imagined things going. The awkward silence stretched on for so long that the swordswoman felt she should speak.

“Beth,” Michonne said her name with a sigh.

“I like you,” Beth said, so softly that Michonne almost didn’t hear her. “I like how strong you are, I like how graceful you look, even while taking down walkers. I like that you’re kind, and quiet, and that you treat people well. I like that you and Carl are friends and that you sneak him candy and comic books when you think no one's watching. I like that you taught me how to fight. I like that you told me how I look could be used to my advantage. I like you Michonne. But it’s okay if you don’t like me. Right now, I just want to have dinner with you. I waited for you…”

The entire time she was speaking, Beth didn’t look up. She couldn’t force herself to look at Michonne, to see how the woman was reacting to her words. There were tears forming in the corners of her eyes, but Beth wouldn’t let them fall. She wouldn’t. There was still the smallest bit of hope in her heart. Hope that Michonne would see her sincerity, see how badly she wanted this. And maybe she wanted it too. But Beth didn’t dare lift her eyes to see. 

“Beth…”

The blonde squeezed her eyes shut. Behind her lids she watched the candles die down, their light faint, darkness seeping in. Don’t read into it, she thought. Life wasn’t made of metaphors and signs. Don’t let it  _ hurt _ you. 

“I can’t do this.”

And the room faded to black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for not posting last month! The next chapter is straight Rickyl. And basically pure smut. But you can have that this afternoon as I am going to a movie and then grocery shopping. I just have to do a quick read through to be sure I didn't mess it up. Check back around 5PM EST!
> 
> So much love to you all! I hope you'll forgive me for not posting!


	65. First Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our terrific trio get interrupted during the middle of activities! With one third gone, how will the other two fair?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter as promised! And it's not even 5PM yet! (4:21)

Eli was trapped between her lovers. Their hands roaming all over her body and mouths latched onto her skin. Her breath stuttered as Rick bit lightly at her neck. Daryl was nestled firmly between her legs, his mouth doing things to her that she never would have imagined possible. Her hands flew up above her as the hunter’s lips clamped around her clit.

_ -Please- _

“Please what darlin’? Do you want Daryl to stop?” Rick’s voice was rough and teasing.

The hunter flicked his gaze upwards, catching sight of Eli’s face. Her cheeks were red and pupils blown wide in ecstasy. Daryl couldn’t help but smirk when she shook her head violently. Rick’s eyes were burning with desire, the heat of it causing a shiver to run down the hunter’s spine. Rick grinned savagely down at him. 

“Come up here for a minute sweetheart,” his tone was less of a suggestion and more of a command. “I wanna taste you.”

If she could have, Eli would have screamed in protest. She whimpered, a whine tearing its way out of her throat, as Daryl crawled up her body. Her hips bucked up against him when he settled against her. Rick grabbed the back of his head, pulling him close and their lips locked, wet and hungry for more. Eli ran her nails down Daryl’s back, not cutting, but with enough pressure to show how much she wanted him. Her breath was fast and heavy watching her lovers. Rick dominated the kiss, his tongue slipping in and out of Daryl’s mouth. The hunter’s chest was shuddering from the onslaught.

Eli decided she’d like to be a more active participant. With one bold move, she flipped Daryl onto his back and slid on top of him. Rick grinned at her. 

“Feeling a little impatient are we?” he teased.

_ -Why should I let you have all the fun, I think Daryl deserves a treat. This was his idea after all.- _

The hunter groaned loud at her words, reaching out to touch her. Rick intercepted him. 

“Uh-uh, you’re not going anywhere,” he growled.

Rick pinned Daryl’s hands above his head and went back to kissing him. Daryl squirmed at the feeling of his tongue thrusting in and out of his mouth. It was down right  _ dirty _ , like the man was showing what he’d like to be doing with other parts of his body. Daryl thrust up, earning a groan from Eli as he swiped against her. The woman went up higher on her knees. With care, she reached back behind her to grasp his dick. Daryl whimpered, the sound being swallowed by Rick immediately. Rick applied more pressure to his wrists and picked up the tempo of his tongue. 

Just as Eli began to lower herself onto Daryl, the heat and pressure exquisite, the door to the nest banged open. 

“Eli!” a voice called out desperately, “I need you!”

That was all any of them needed to hear. In a moment, Eli had scrambled off of Daryl. Rick rolled away from the hunter and drew his gun from beneath his pillow. Daryl’s face was flushed in embarrassment, but he too sat up. 

In the doorway stood Beth, her cheeks red from running, or maybe mortification. Eli was up and tugging on pants while Rick questioned the blonde.

“What is it? Has something happened? Where are Carl and Judith?”

Beth suddenly felt very small. Daryl could tell by the look on her face that this wasn’t an emergency. Or at least not one that involved the entire group. He sighed softly and pulled a blanket up to cover him and Rick. 

“Put your gun down Rick, what’s wrong Bethy?” he spoke gently. 

It was the nickname that did her in. Beth broke down, tears streaming down her face. Eli threw her hands up in distress. She was still clad only in pants but she bounced her way over to her friend. With soothing hands, she wiped away the tears.

_ -Don’t cry, it’s okay. Let me grab a shirt and we can go. Okay? We’ll go to your cell and talk about it. Is that okay Beth? Okay. Let me get my shirt.- _

Eli turned away, dashing to find something to put on and grabbing Rick’s shirt and Daryl’s vest. Beth had stopped crying again, sniffing occasionally. She snuck glances at the men still in bed. Daryl had his hands over his face, trying to hide. Rick looked conflicted. Like he wanted to get up and comfort Beth, but also like it would be a huge mistake to get up. Without meaning to, Beth snorted out an uncomfortable laugh. 

“Dunno what you’re gigglin’ about girly,” Daryl groused from behind his fingers, “Biggest damn cockblock I’ve ever seen.”

His words broke the tension. Beth laughed wetly, not feeling better, but at least assured that she hadn’t pissed off anyone with her intrusion. Rick flumped back on the bed and let out a pained groan. Eli snickered as she made her way back over to Beth. 

“Sorry guys,” the blonde said softly, “I know today was a special day for you, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Rick lifted his head up to look at her in confusion.

“A special day?” he asked.

Daryl groaned again and shooed the women out the door.

“Go on, you’ve done enough damage.”

He sent a small smile to Beth to show he was just teasing. She looked relieved, like one more mess up on her part might have put her under. Eli glared at him reproachfully. Daryl shrunk down into himself when she stalked over to him. Eli planted a firm kiss to his mouth and nipped at his lip playfully. The hunter blinked in surprise, but kissed her back. She turned to Rick, putting her body between him and Daryl. 

_ -You fuck him good for me, will you?- _

Rick’s nostrils flared at her words and he caught her in a searing kiss. His mouth swore to do as she asked and promised so much more for her later. Eli pulled away breathless. Her pupils were wide again and her lips cherry red. 

“Go take care of your friend, we’ll be fine without you for one night.”

Eli nodded once and ushered Beth out the door. A moment before she followed, Eli threw a coy glance backwards at her lovers.

_ -Have fun boys.- _

As soon as the door slid shut and the women were out of sight, Daryl threw himself backward. He couldn’t believe that Beth had seen them all naked. Sure, they’d all caught glimpses of each other, but never in such a compromising situation. It was especially embarrassing given that Daryl had only just told her that he thought of her as a little sister. Honestly, who wants their little sister to see them naked? No one. That’s who. Especially not Daryl. 

His grumpy musings were interrupted by a firm body sliding over his. He automatically wrapped his arms around Rick, welcoming his touch and embrace. The ex-cop held himself up with his arms bracketing Daryl’s head. Rick studied him. His face was flushed and eyes bright. Daryl’s hair had fallen away, giving him a clear view of the oceans swirling in his eyes. Rick bent to kiss him once, twice, and came back up for air. Now the hunter’s thin lips were parted and glistening. 

“Gorgeous,” Rick breathed. “You’re so beautiful.”

Daryl blushed now, his face red. But trapped between Rick’s arms there was nowhere to hide. Here, underneath the man who cared for him unconditionally, Daryl decided to throw away his insecurities. 

“You ain’t so bad yourself Officer Friendly.”

It was a bold move but it made Rick grin. 

“You gotta thing for cops Dixon?”

Daryl snuck his fingers into Rick’s hair. He tugged down, bringing him closer. Daryl’s lips brushed against Rick’s.

“Gotta thing for you,” he murmured.

And with that, he closed the distance between them. Rick allowed Daryl to lead the kiss and the hunter cautiously slipped his tongue between his lips. Rick rolled his hips down into Daryl, eliciting a moan from him. Rick exhaled hard through his nose.

“You. Are. Fucking. Gorgeous,” he said between kisses. 

Daryl whimpered and thrust up against him. The movement brought their dicks together, Rick immediately dropping down to trap them between their bodies. He set a brutal pace, rutting against Daryl. The pressure and drag of it was beginning to overwhelm the hunter. He shook his head slightly, eyes squeezed shut against the onslaught. One particularly hard thrust had him screaming, biting his lips to keep the sound trapped inside. 

“Rick,” he begged.

“Yesss?” he hissed back. 

“Rick  _ please! _ ”

“Please what sweetheart?”

Daryl huffed, his chest trembling. Rick liked to be in full control, driving Eli to the brink of insanity and Daryl along with her. But this was the hunter’s first time alone with Rick since their time on the run. It was overwhelming. To be the sole focus of Rick’s attention, there was nothing like it. But Daryl was still shy, still new at all this and didn’t know  _ what _ he wanted. 

“Fuck Rick, I want your mouth of me,” he was panting, his face bright red from verbalizing what he wanted. 

“Oh?” the grin Rick gave him was lascivious. 

He bent, biting and sucking at Daryl’s neck. Goosebumps rose up on the skin there, the hunter squirming from the feel of it. And then, of all things, Rick stopped to speak. 

“You want my mouth here?”

Daryl couldn’t answer, his voice had turned itself off. But Rick wasn’t moving, waiting instead for him to speak. The hunter groaned and cleared his throat.

“Lower,” he growled out.

Rick would never admit it, but Daryl’s voice did things to him. It was rough and raw and made his heart stutter no matter the situation. But at times like this, it wasn’t just his heart that was effected. His dick jumped from the hunter’s single word, a stream of precome trailing down it. He moved to do as Daryl had asked. Rick trailed his lips over his collarbone and down his pectoral. Once there, he scraped his teeth over a nipple, eliciting a scream from the body beneath him. 

“Fuck,” Daryl breathed out.

“Not yet sweetheart, not yet.”

The hunter shivered at the promise in his words. Rick wrapped his tongue around his nipple and sucked softly. Daryl sighed. It felt wonderful but it wasn’t what he needed. He couldn’t say it, not out loud, but he could  _ show _ Rick. His rough hands tangled in the ex-cops curly hair, pushing his head down his body gently. Rick grinned against his abs, pausing his descent long enough to bite at the skin there. Daryl shuddered. Once Rick had inched his way down the hunter’s body, he paused. 

“Look at me,” he demanded.

Daryl’s head shot up from the bed. He made eye contact with Rick, the man poised above his dick, lips parted and wet. Slowly, torturously, he opened wide and slid down it. Daryl’s toes curled and his eyelids fluttered. It took every ounce of self control he had not to thrust hard into the wet heat of Rick’s mouth. But for all of Rick’s talk, Daryl was almost certain that he’d never done this before with a man. 

He wasn’t wrong. A million things were going through Rick’s head as he went down on Daryl. What would be the next step? Who would be the top? Was he doing a good job? The way Daryl was squirming indicated that he was. Rick gave an experimental swirl of his tongue, doing his best to reach the base of Daryl’s dick. When the hunter thrust up into his mouth, he couldn’t help but groan. The groan sent a full blown shudder up Daryl’s body, the man finally finding his voice once more.

“Fuck,” he moaned, “Rick please.”

Rick swallowed as much of Daryl as he could before pulling off with a pop. A couple more licks, just to drive Daryl crazy and he answered.

“Please what?”

“Fuck you’re a sadistic bastard you know that right?” the hunter managed a weak chuckle to show he was teasing.

Rick took that as a challenge. He bobbed his head back down onto Daryl, licking and sucking like his life depended on it. The hunter keened, his back arching from the pleasure of it all. 

“Rick, I need, I want, please?” he tried again.

The mouth on him pulled off again, this time a hand taking its place. Rick looked up at him with adoration, compassion, and patience. 

“What do you need Daryl?”

He was scared, terribly so. Years,  _ decades _ , of cruel words from his father and brother made him hesitant to answer. But they weren’t here right now. Right now, it was just him and Rick. Rick, the man who he trusted and relied on without question. His lover, friend, leader. If he couldn’t say it to him, then who?

“I need you to fuck me.”

Rick’s nostrils flared. He could tell how hard it had been for the hunter to say those words. How much it meant to him. How much  _ Rick _ meant to him. Rather than answer him, Rick rolled away. Daryl had a brief moment of panic that the ex-cop was done. That he didn’t want Daryl that way. But then he was back, nestled between his legs with the bottle of lube Tara had gifted them. 

“Knees up sweetheart,” Rick said softly. 

Daryl did as instructed and went boneless as Rick sucked him back into his mouth. He worked the hunter to the best of his ability, switching pressure and techniques with his tongue. When Daryl’s thighs started to shake, Rick knew it was time. He kept his mouth on him and poured some lube onto his hand. His free hand ran slowly up Daryl’s thigh and then to cradle his balls. Very gently, very slowly, Rick slid a finger into the hunter. 

Daryl grunted at the feeling. It didn’t hurt, but it felt… odd. Not quite good either. But Rick’s mouth felt amazing and he decided to focus on that. Rick worked the finger in and out of Daryl, doing his best to ease the discomfort. When he felt Daryl relax more, he slipped in the next finger. This one had Daryl stiffening. What was annoying before had become uncomfortable. But he wanted to do this, really he did. Rick was worried he’d done something wrong. One glance at Daryl’s face told him that the hunter was bearing it, but not enjoying it. The last thing Rick wanted to do was  _ hurt _ the man, so he took his time with these two fingers. He pushed them in and out, feeling around and rubbing gentle circles into Daryl’s walls. Rick must’ve done something right, because suddenly Daryl jumped about a foot and his eyes opened wide.

“Fuck, do that again.” 

Rick was happy to oblige, feeling around for the spot that made Daryl see stars. Sooner than Rick was expecting, Daryl was ready for another finger. The third slipped in with little fanfare. The hunter was too distracted from pleasure to notice it. But Rick was slowly losing it. To see his lover fall apart beneath him was amazing. He couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled his fingers out of Daryl and his mouth off his dick. Daryl whimpered at the loss and pushed up on his elbows.

“What-” 

He was cut off. Rick was kneeling between his legs. The man’s dick was hard and twitching almost violently. His eyes roamed all over Daryl’s body, drinking him in. Rick was coating himself in lube, wanting this to be good for Daryl, wanting it to be good for both of them. 

“You are so fucking gorgeous. How the fuck did I get so lucky?” Rick’s voice was rough. 

Daryl whimpered and sat up fully. With one hand he dragged Rick down for a searing kiss. The man exhaled hard through his nose and lined himself up with Daryl’s hole. The hunter’s hands slid down his ribs to his hips. He pulled away from the kiss, pressing hard pecks to Rick’s mouth as he tried to catch his breath.

“Need you. Now.” 

That was all the invitation that Rick needed. Carefully, he applied pressure and slid into Daryl. It was a stretch, and a slightly uncomfortable one at that. But Rick’s mouth on his lips distracted him. Once he was fully seated, Rick gave Daryl a minute to get used to it. Fuck was it tight. A completely different feeling from being inside of Eli. His dick twitched at the image of having them both at one time. Daryl shuddered, feeling it inside him. 

“Move.” 

The word was rough, but the hunter meant it. Without further ado, Rick started rocking in and out. His motions were small and gentle at first, but the fingers leaving bruises on his skin encouraged him to move faster. Pretty soon, Rick was thrusting hard into Daryl. The hunter was twitching, his legs shaking slightly from pleasure. It felt good, but something was missing. 

“More, please more. Rick, I need, Rick  _ please! _ ” he begged his lover.

Rick next exhale was shaky. His whole body was covered in a layer of sweat as he moved inside Daryl. With effortless strength, he pulled Daryl’s ankles up to rest on his shoulders. The new angle made him brush against that spot again and the hunter screamed. Suddenly everything was ten times tighter than before and Rick could feel himself losing control. But he wouldn’t go over the edge without Daryl. His hand wrapped around the hunter’s dick and he pumped it rough and fast. Daryl’s short fingernails drew blood as he came. 

Rick could feel his lover tightening even more and the shuddering in his legs indicating how close he was. When he came, it was spectacular. With one more thrust, Rick followed him over the edge. The last of his strength went out of him and he collapsed on top of Daryl. The hunter was breathing hard, but wrapped strong arms around Rick’s back. They panted together, still joined. Once Daryl had caught his breath, he traced invisible patterns over Rick’s skin. 

“Wow,” he said at last. 

Rick’s chest rumbled against his, a laugh spilling out of the mans mouth. Daryl grinned in answer. It felt good. To be able to have sex like that and then be able to laugh about it afterwards. The slightest frown tugged at the hunter’s lips.

“Eli’s gonna be pissed she missed it.”

Rick huffed out a breathy laugh again and rolled off of Daryl. Both men winced as he pulled out. 

“Nah, she’s the one who told me to fuck you good.”

Now it was Daryl’s turn to laugh. 

“Leave it to Eli to plan our first time. Even without her here, she’s still part of it.”

Rick could only nod, too tired to answer. Daryl sat up, hunting around for one of his rags to clean them up with. He was very gentle with Rick, wiping him down first before himself. Once they were both mostly clean, Rick pulled Daryl into his arms. The hunter curled up against his chest, the pair snuggling down in the nest. They didn’t speak a word, but they didn’t need to. This had been the perfect night, neither could ask for anything more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think?? Does it make up for not posting last week? I will do my best to never have a lapse again!


	66. Broken Hearts, Broken Bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth needs some love and support from her best friend following her disastrous 'not'date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday!
> 
> I have an update for you all today! I hope you enjoy it, a bunch of hurt/comfort going on here

Eli led Beth back to her cell gently. She whistled a soft melody, her hands clasped firmly around one of Beth’s. The blonde was doing her best not to cry, stifling tears and breathing shallowly. At this hour it wasn’t likely anyone would be awake, but she didn’t want to risk drawing attention to herself. 

“Eli?” she murmured.

The smaller woman made a soft shushing sound.

_ -We’re nearly there. Just wait until we can get comfy okay?- _

At Beth’s nod, Eli locked their fingers together again. It didn’t take them long to reach Beth’s cell. By the time they did, both women had chattering teeth from the cold. Eli set to building them a blanket fort. Beth stood by watching with listless eyes. The blonde felt hands tucking her inside and Eli crawling in beside her. She’d left a tunnel for candlelight to stream in through.

_ -Now, tell me what’s wrong.- _

“It’s stupid,” Beth said dully. 

Eli shook her head in exasperation. Her black hair whapped Beth softly, making the blonde snort. Fingers smoothed over her cheeks, wetness being wiped away. The blonde hadn’t even realized she was crying again.

_ -It isn’t stupid. We all get sad sometimes. I want to help you Beth, but I can’t unless you tell me what happened. I love you, you know that right?- _

Eli’s face was so sincere, the orange light illuminating the concern in her eyes. Beth found herself mesmerized by Eli’s features. The slight crookedness of her nose, the gauntness of her cheeks, how different they were from each other. But somehow they’d become friends and in this moment, Beth couldn’t be more grateful. 

“I love you too,” she took a deep breath. “I asked Michonne to have dinner with me.”

Eli straightened up at her words, this was a big step for the blonde. She was normally so shy and reserved, it took courage to make the first move. Beth leaned heavily on her friend, eyes pinching shut as she recalled just how the last few hours had gone. Eli pulled her down to rest her head in her lap. Fingers smoothed over the intricate braid still twisted through her hair. Beth gulped, remembering why it was there. 

“Daryl put that in for me, did you know he could do that?” Eli shook her head. “He told me he used to do it for his mama and it’s so pretty. I wanted to look nice for Michonne, you know?”

There was a long stretch of silence between them. Beth sniffed once and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Can you take it out?” 

Her voice was very small. Eli pressed a kiss to her forehead, fingers soft and soothing as they started to unwind the strands. Daryl had done a wonderful job, and it hurt a little to see it gone so soon. But this was what Beth needed. Eli would do anything to put a smile back on her lips.

“I waited Eli,” she said softly. “I waited so long that I thought she wasn’t coming. I thought, maybe Tara forgot to tell her, or maybe Michonne didn’t show up to meet with her and she didn’t get the chance. But Tara isn’t like that. She was so excited to hear that I was going to have a d-date with Michonne. She would have done anything to let her know.”

Beth fell silent then. It had been a date. No matter how much she had tried to pretend it wasn’t going to be one, to her, it was. She’d put on her best clothes, had her hair done differently, made dinner for two by candlelight. Any way you looked at it, she was hoping for a date. In a way, that made it hurt that much more. 

_ -Keep going Beth. It’s easier to get it all out now, believe me,- _ hands floated before Beth’s eyes and she had to trust Eli. 

“I waited hours,” she sighed. “The time ticked by on my watch. I half wanted to believe it was broken. But the candles I had brought were burning down and it had been dark for so long. Just as I was packing things up, she showed up.”

Beth gnawed on her lips to fight back tears. Eli traced circles in the soft skin of her neck doing her best to offer comfort. It was a difficult thing, to hurt so much over someone you cared about. Eli didn’t have a lot of experience regarding this sort of thing. But she’d do anything for Beth, even wade through uncharted waters. When the blonde spoke next, her voice moved like a wave.

“But she showed up. She looked so tired, like she hadn’t slept in weeks. I tried to grab her arm to bring her inside, but she wouldn’t let me touch her. I should have called the whole thing off right then, I should have known.”

Eli shook her head emphatically. That wasn’t true and there was no way Beth could have known what was going through Michonne’s head.

_ -You know,-  _ she signed slowly,  _ -there are still days when Daryl pulls away from us. He doesn’t mean to, and we’ve never given him reason to do so. But you can’t control your instincts. Sometimes, your brain overrules your heart and your body does things without your permission. Hell, there are still days that I get jumpy. I damn near tore Carl’s head off a while ago when he tackled me. He’s never hurt me, and he probably never will, but I was caught off guard. Maybe it was the same with Michonne.- _

Beth let out a strangled giggle. The image of Carl sneaking up on Eli was too funny not to. And she had a point too. No one knew much about Michonne, for all they knew, she didn’t like to be touched. In fact, other than dragging Beth off of Lydia, she’d never seen the woman come into contact with anyone. Well, that and when she’d…

“Thank you Eli. I didn’t touch her, not after she pulled away like that. But I invited her in and we started to eat. Then I went and fucked it all up,” Beth gulped, sitting up quickly and covering her face with her hands. “I told her I liked her, that I liked everything about her. And I do Eli, that’s the worst part. I like her so much that it hurts to think about it. But I couldn’t look at her, not while I told her all this, not after she pulled away from me.”

Eli had a bad feeling that she knew where this was going. Still, she had to ask, had to keep Beth talking. If she didn’t, it would swallow the blonde whole. 

_ -What happened Beth?- _

A tear escaped the blonde’s eye. 

“She said she couldn’t do it. That it was a mistake, all of it. That she shouldn’t have kissed me at the trial. Michonne told me I had read too much into everything. The kind words she’s said to me while training me were just encouragement, not flirting. Telling me that I was wonderful just the way I am was meant to build up my confidence. She said that I was too young for her,” Beth felt her lower lip tremble. “Michonne told me the kiss didn’t mean anything. It was meant to be a distraction and nothing more.”

Eli’s lips moved, her friend’s pain palpable between them.  _ Oh Beth. _ The blonde couldn’t see it, her hands still busy covering her face. Gently, so softly, Eli pulled them away. Beth stared back into her dark eyes, trying to lose herself in the depth there.  _ My sweet Beth _ , Eli mouthed again. The girl before her was holding onto her sanity by a thread. Hands curled into her blonde hair and a kiss pressed hard to her forehead. That opened the floodgates and tears streamed down her face. Eli wasted no time clambering into her lap. Her legs bracketed Beth’s, arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders. 

“I thought she liked me Eli,” Beth sobbed into her shoulder. “I thought she’d want to be with me!”

It was all Eli could do to hold on. She nodded her head, fighting back tears of her own. Things don’t always work out the way you think they will. But Beth had done all she could to make it work, and Eli could appreciate how much that must have taken her. Part of her was angry with Michonne. Why would the woman kiss Beth if she wasn’t interested? Everything else she could forgive, kind words were a blessing in this world. But a kiss only sends one signal.

“Why am I not good enough?” now her words were small, hurting. “Does it ever stop?”

Eli pulled back slightly. Beth’s eyes were vacant and dull. 

_ -Does what stop?- _

“The pain,” she whimpered. “It hurts, I can feel it in my chest. It hurts so bad. Does it ever stop?”

It tore a hole in her, to hear how much Beth was suffering. But she’d never had a relationship prior to her current one. No one had shown interest in her and she’d never dared to try. In this moment, she was lost.

_ -I don’t know Beth.- _

“Did your pain ever go away?” she sniffed a little, eyes sharp again and focused on Eli.

_ -I’ve not felt this kind of pain. I don’t know- _

“No Eli,” she ran fingers over the ridges of Eli’s back, “does this ever stop hurting? How you look… that’s how I feel inside.”

She winced, Beth’s fingers on her skin felt foreign. The blonde must have noticed because she snatched her hands back. Tears welled up in her eyes again. She’d touched someone without permission again! How stupid of her.

_ -Oh please don’t cry Beth. I can’t stand to see you cry.- _

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, I didn’t mean to imply,” she took a deep breath. “I know that you’ve hurt worse than this Eli. I know it’s just a stupid crush and that I probably look like an idiot crying over it. I didn’t mean to say that what you’ve been through is the same as this-”

Eli slid a finger over Beth’s lips. 

_ -It’s not a competition. There is no way to measure another’s pain. If you say that you hurt as bad as this,- _ she gestured to herself,  _ -then I believe you Beth. We’ve all walked different paths in life, what we’ve seen isn’t always easy to describe. I can’t make you feel what I’ve felt, and you can’t show me what’s inside you.- _

Beth nodded, not trusting herself to speak just yet. When she was ready, her voice was small and her eyes hesitant.

“Will you show me?”

Eli bit her lip. Beth had already seen twice. Once in the showers, and once only hours ago. But there was a difference between seeing things in passing and observing up close. Eli could see the desperation in Beth’s eyes. She could see that this wasn’t necessarily about herself or what she’d gone through. Beth didn’t want to feel alone. Eli shrugged off Daryl’s vest and tugged Rick’s shirt over her head. In seconds she was bare, still perched in Beth’s lap. The blonde’s breathing was shallow, her eyes locked still on Eli’s face. 

_ -You can look.- _

Beth nodded, biting her lip. Her gaze trailed downwards, away from Eli’s crooked nose and small chin. Down to the words carved into collarbones and scars etched into her ribcage. The angry red of raised skin and pale white grooves. She reached out a finger to trace the twisted furl of skin in her shoulder. Eli’s breath was even through it all. Beth frowned slightly. Nothing had been spared. Her breasts, small and nearly flat, were littered with marks. Bones protruded still, throwing everything into sharp contrast. Eli was not pretty, nor was she soft like Beth was. But she was beautiful in a way that the blonde would never be able to explain. The deep vertical lines running down her wrists drew Beth’s gaze even more. Eli shifted slightly in her grasp.

_ -It will always hurt.- _

Beth gulped, pulling her eyes up again. 

_ -Some days, the pain will be so great that you wonder if waking up is worth it. Days will go by where every move you make pulls hard at scars that you thought were healed. And a memory might pop up, bring everything back into focus. It might feel like the very first time again, like you’re being carved open again.- _

The blonde bit back tears again. She nodded, her face dark and full of sorrow. But Eli gripped her chin firmly, pinning her with a stare that she’d never forget.

_ -But there are days you don’t even feel it. You forget. The pain becomes a distant memory. It becomes something that you call upon in times of tragedy to give you strength. All of this suffering you feel inside you right now,- _ a smile spread over Eli’s lips,  _ -all of it is going to fuel the fire that keeps you moving. And I know you know that we need to keep moving. We aren’t made of stone, inflexible and oh so rigid that we shatter with a single blow. We are the wind and the trees. Things beat us down, they hurt us, scar us, but we grow back. We are an ever changing force, our pain may cut us down, but we can push through it. Beth, you will push through this. I know you will.- _

Eli squeezed her tight, done now with her words. Beth held her back just as close. What had she done to deserve such a friend as Eli? It hurt, and it was a new pain, open still and raw. But she was right. There would come a day that it would stop hurting. Maybe she could even use this experience to help someone else, just as Eli had done today for her. Beth pulled back and watched as the older woman pulled back on her shirts. Eli was right. She'd survived the goddamn apocalypse. She'd make it through this and anything else the world might try and throw at her. And she knew Eli would be right there beside her through it all. Beth pulled her into one last hug, resting her head on Eli's shoulder.

“Thank you, Eli. For everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in my opinion, Beth's kind of overreacting about being turned down. But, I think it'd be something Beth would do. She only ever was in a relationship with Jimmy, and that didn't really seem like much of anything. Also, being a girl who's been in a relationship with other girls, let me tell you, the drama is real following a break up or getting turned down. 
> 
> Anyways, next week we get some Lydia related themes! I hope you stick around for more of that drama. The ball's about to start rolling again in this story, much more movement and action in the weeks to come.


	67. Putrid Plots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia is on a mission to get to the top and will stop at nothing to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!
> 
> Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Life in your way I suppose (that's a great band btw)
> 
> Anyways, here's a chapter for you! 
> 
> I'll be trying to get back on schedule for you guys. Thank you for sticking it out!

The weather had begun improving at last, Spring on its way in. Most people were cheering up, excited that the temperature would improve and the sky would be less dismal. Most people. 

Lydia, however, was seeing the change in seasons in a completely different way. To her, it was just another reminder of how much time she had wasted. Wasted opportunities to claw her way to the top of the food chain. Wasted hours doing  _ chores _ when she could have been sitting in the lap of luxury. Or at least as luxurious as the prison could be. Worst of all, wasted moments when she could have ensnared Rick. 

There had been so many chances for her to snatch him up, to turn his head away from Eli. Really, how fucking hard could  _ that _ be. It’s not like the woman had any special traits or looks. Hell, she couldn’t even talk! Lydia was superior in just about every way. Even before the dead got up and started walking, she had been the envy of just about everyone in town. Women wanted to be her, men wanted to fuck her. 

But for some god forsaken reason, she couldn’t get Rick alone! Every time she tried to, someone else would pop up. Hershel, coming to talk about what crops they should plant. Carol came to ask about training and weapons, hell, even Tara would interrupt just to spend time with the man. Couldn’t they see that he was above all that? Rick shouldn’t be answering to every single person in the prison. Only a select few should be able to report to him, and the conversations should be short and to the point. That’s how it was in Woodbury and that’s how it  _ would _ be here. At least, once Lydia got a hold of Rick. 

The brunette sighed. She was still laying in her cot, long past breakfast time. It had been weeks since her punishment had ended and she was taking the opportunity to relax. Carol used to wake her at dawn to get started on chores. Since her release from the woman, no one really bothered her much. In fact, most people ignored her. Even the people from Woodbury went out of their way to avoid crossing paths with her. 

It was infuriating. 

How was she supposed to convince Rick she should be with him if she was never left alone with him? With everyone else avoiding her, she couldn’t even bribe someone to make time for them. Oh yes, Lydia would do anything to get with Rick. She’d done it before with the governor. Someone in his position wouldn’t have looked twice at her if she hadn’t created opportunities to shine. A little blackmail on the women he spent time with was enough to clear them out. Then all she had to do was ‘climb’ the chain of command to get to him. Lydia had slept with every single man serving directly under Philip before she got to him. 

She sat up suddenly, an idea forming in her head. It had worked before, who was to say it wouldn’t again? Lydia scrambled out of bed and began dressing. Who should she go after first? A frown smeared across her lips. There was no way in hell she would sleep with Hershel. An old cripple, please! She had standards at least. And Carol, there wasn’t anything she could think of to blackmail the woman with. She was formidable on the best of days, terrifying on the worst. Not to mention, Rick would notice if two of the people closest to him began acting strangely. They were out.

That left Tara, Daryl, and Eli. The latter would be the most difficult to get to. As hard as it was to get Rick alone, she never even  _ saw _ Eli. The woman was like a ghost. She was there for a second and then gone as soon as you blinked. And even if Lydia managed to pin her down, she didn’t know enough about her for her usual tactics to work. She could always tear down her self confidence. Lydia mulled that over. The last time she tried that, she was the one left degraded and beaten. Not to mention that Eli’s relationship with Rick had seemed to grow  _ stronger _ in the wake of her attack. 

Lydia sighed. Things would be difficult, but she’d figure it out. Tara would be easy enough to cut down. A couple of choice accusations and defamations of character and the dyke would fall to pieces. A cruel smirk drew some strange looks from the people she walked by. Oh yes, she would be putting her plan into action today. It had been too long since she had been in a position of power. She couldn’t take it anymore. 

Her first stop was the mess hall. If Tara was going to be somewhere, it would be there. Fat cow couldn’t keep herself from stuffing her face at every opportunity. Sure enough, as soon as Lydia walked in, she caught sight of the younger woman. 

Tara looked up from the dishes she was washing. Lydia stood in the doorway, the look on her face sent a shiver up Tara’s spine. She resolutely turned back to the dishes. Whatever crazy scheme Lydia had cooked up, she wasn’t going to be a willing participant. Footsteps approached her from behind. Tara tensed her shoulders and scrubbed harder at the bowl in her hand. 

“So…” came a silky voice from behind her. “Tara, is it?”

She rolled her eyes. They’d only lived in the same community for months. 

“Yes, Linda, right?” Two could play at that game. 

Lydia grit her teeth in frustration. Tara still hadn’t turned around. If there was one thing Lydia couldn’t stand, it was being ignored. She took a breath to try and quell her growing rage. Clearing her throat, the brunette sauntered over to Tara. Lydia draped herself against the counter she was working at, a smirk spread over her mouth like sloppy lipstick.

“I thought I might have a word with you…” she started.

“I think you should leave.” 

Tara’s answer was abrupt and left no room for argument. From the corner of her eye she saw Lydia bare her teeth. Something was fishy about this whole situation, and Tara would rather not be a part of it. But Lydia was persistent. The woman flicked her hair over her shoulder and leaned in closer. Tara resisted the urge to recoil in disgust by the skin of her teeth. 

“Well, I just thought I’d impart some friendly advice. I noticed you’ve been spending more time with Rick than  _ strictly _ necessary,” she emphasized the word with a roll of her tongue. “I hope you know that you’re wasting his valuable time. Not to mention,” she leaned closer still, “he’s off the market if you catch my drift.”

Tara snorted. Of course he was off the table. As if Eli or Daryl would let him go without a fight. And let’s face it, no matter who tried to usurp Rick’s lovers, they would be outnumbered two to one. 

“I don’t know if you noticed,” now Tara leaned close to Lydia, her nose nearly brushing the woman’s cheek, “but I prefer the finer sex.”

The way she said sex sent a shiver of revulsion up Lydia’s spine. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. It was true that she hadn’t known that about Tara. To be honest, she’d never quite paid much attention to people she considered below herself. But, it didn’t matter. She could work this angle just as well as the other. 

“I thought I noticed your,” Lydia paused to think of the appropriate word, “proclivity towards women. Certainly with our resident mute.”

Now Tara turned to look at the brunette. Lydia almost grinned in triumph, almost. The look in Tara’s eyes was murderous. Maybe she had overstepped a bit. It was a little more difficult to manipulate and blackmail someone whose mind was preoccupied with rage. Lydia took a mental step backwards.

“I mean, anyone can see how you two look at each other. She just  _ adores _ you. I can tell, I’m very good at noticing things like that.”

Tara narrowed her eyes at Lydia.

“What are you playing at?”

Lydia feigned innocence.

“I have no idea what you mean. But, you may want to be a bit more  _ discreet _ with your dalliances. I doubt very much that Rick would appreciate you sleeping with his bedwarmer.”

Tara was fuming. Wisely, she kept her mouth shut. Lydia took her silence as permission to push on. 

“Of course, I would _ never _ say a word about it. But,” she lowered her voice like she was telling a secret, “I think other people are starting to notice. I mean, you two have been spending an awful lot of time together, sneaking off to darkened corners, disappearing for hours on end.”

None of this was true. Tara knew it, Lydia knew it. But that wasn’t the point was it? If Lydia was looking to discredit Eli, she was making an effort with the wrong woman. Tara sucked in a breath hard. There were several ways she could handle this. One. She could pound in Lydia’s face, like Beth, and potentially take punishment. The downside to this would be that Lydia hadn’t actually said anything derogatory, so if Tara threw the first punch, it would all be on her. Two. She could call Lydia out here and now, tell her exactly what she thought of the woman’s attempts at blackmail. But Lydia was cunning, she’d figure out a way to spin Tara’s rebuttal to her advantage.

That left option three. Without speaking another word, Tara spun on her heel and marched out of the room. Lydia watched her retreat with the biggest shit eating grin. The first person on her ‘hit list’ had been dealt with. Now, who to deal with next? Blackmail was all fine and well, but it had been  _ ages _ since Lydia had gotten laid. Daryl wasn’t her first option, but he was still a better looking man than half the guys she’d slept with back at Woodbury.

But where was he? Lydia prowled through the corridors of the prison searching for the hunter. It was long past time for him to be awake, something that worked in her favor. She had no idea where he slept. There were rumors months ago that he had a ‘nest’ of some sort up on the roof. But she’d been up to check at least twice in the last few weeks and there’d been no signs of anyone living up there. Just as well. She liked how feral Daryl was, but only to an extent. If she had to sleep with him more than a few times, she’d rather do it inside where it was warm. 

After nearly an hour of searching, Lydia was gritting her teeth in frustration. Where the fuck could he be? She’d looked outside and he wasn’t working on any of the vehicles. As far as she was aware he hadn’t gone out on a run. 

“You there!” she called out, “I recognize you.”

The person in question was a boy of slight build, no older than 18. She remembered vaguely that he was from Woodbury. He turned to face her slowly, his eyes skittish like a rabbit before a wolf. Lydia hid a smirk. Sauntering over to the boy, she brushed her knuckles over his cheek. He shivered slightly and swallowed hard. Lydia couldn’t fight the grin that pulled at her mouth. 

“What’s your name sweetie,” she cooed.

The boy swallowed hard and shrunk down into himself. He cleared his throat.

“It’s, uh, it’s Michael.”

“Mikey?” she leaned close to his face now, like she was telling him a secret, “I can call you Mikey, can’t I?”

“Uhh, actually-”

“Good,” Lydia pulled back slightly, irritated that he was interrupting her. She slid a hand down his chest. “I’ve got a favor to ask you.”

Michael gulped. Lydia was bad news, he knew that. He’d managed to avoid her in the past, mostly due to his age and lack of rank in the governor’s regime. Unfortunately, it seemed as though he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lydia didn’t waste time waiting for him to respond, which was for the best. Michael wasn’t really sure what to say to wiggle his way out of this one.

“Have you seen Eli?”

His adam’s apple bobbed up and down and Lydia traced it with her nail. 

“N-no.”

“Huh, that’s too bad.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “Well, have you seen Daryl? I’m looking for him too. I’ve got something for him, Carol asked me to give it to him.”

That was a blatant lie and Michael knew it. Lydia was dressed in the tightest clothes he’d seen on anybody since before. If she had something to give Daryl, he’d have seen it on her. However, Lydia was counting on him being distracted by her body to help sell her lie. Her shirt was unbuttoned to reveal her ample chest, the cool air of the prison causing her nipples to push through the thin fabric. To Michael, she looked disgusting. There was no part of Lydia that didn’t scream desperate or easy. But Daryl was a strong guy, and he’d do anything at this point to be rid of the woman running her filthy hands all over him.

“Um, I think he was headed down to the showers. At-at least he was a while ago.”

Lydia’s grin was all teeth. The showers? Well wouldn’t that be perfect. The biggest turnoff nowadays was a man who wasn’t clean. Daryl wasn’t always the best with personal hygiene, but hopefully Lydia would be done with him within a week. If not, she would ‘convince’ him to shower more often. 

“You’ve been very… useful. I’ll remember that,” Lydia patted Michael’s cheek. 

He gulped one last time and watched her leave with trepidation. This couldn’t be good. Daryl was a capable man, but Lydia could be formidable. Michael chastised himself. He should have lied, told her that Daryl was out on a hunt. Without another thought, he took off running. He had to tell someone, either Eli or Rick. He wasn’t so blind as some as the others, Michael knew they were a package deal. Daryl would need backup to defend against the brunette. 

He only hoped help wouldn’t come too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lydia is gross. Not gonna lie. I love her due to her grossness and over the top attempts at being charming and seductive. She's an interesting character to write. 
> 
> Apologies again for the radio silence of the last few weeks, almost months. 
> 
> ModernElectricity


	68. Predator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lydia makes a move.
> 
> Trigger warning: unwanted sexual molestation, not graphic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy y'all. I'm gonna put a second trigger alert in the story in case you don't wanna read it.

“Fuck,” Daryl groaned.

The weather was improving, but no amount of sunshine would ever be enough to offset how painfully cold a shower was in the prison. It was no wonder that he didn’t take one very often. He shook his head and reached for his towel. 

“Fuckin’ Rick,” he swore under his breath.

Daryl wouldn’t have  _ needed _ a shower if it weren’t for him. A blush spread across his face, warming his cheeks some. If ever there was a good reason to need a shower, it was getting dirty with Rick. The man knew how to make him and Eli sweat like nothing else. Just the sound of his voice was enough to heat things up. A rueful smile spread over his lips. Well, he gave as good as he got. Rick was bound to be down for his own shower soon enough.

The hunter scrubbed hard at his tanned skin. As much as he’d love to go a second round with Rick, he wasn’t sure his ass could take it. Daryl draped his towel around his shoulders and tugged on his jeans. Just in time too it seemed. There were footsteps reverberating down the hall.

He grinned, a real smile splitting him from ear to ear. Rick was insatiable. You’d never know it judging by his past. He’d gone from a single lover in his entire lifetime to two at once. And not just any two, one was a much younger woman. Gorgeous too, Daryl’s mind supplied. And then there was himself. Who would have thought Rick, Mr. Goody Two Shoes, Officer Friendly, would end up with a redneck from the backwoods of Georgia. He shook his head. However things had come to be, he was overwhelmed by how much affection both lovers showered him with. 

The footsteps were much closer now, just around the corner really. Daryl schooled his featured into a satisfied smirk. His stance shifted, just this side of seductive. Sure, his ass might be sore, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have fun. Daryl’s torso was still on full display, abs rippling as he flexed slightly. 

“Took ya long enough-”

He abruptly cut himself off and stood to full height. Lydia was poised in the doorway. Her expression was one of barely concealed glee. Daryl swallowed down the rage building in his gut. He had managed to avoid direct contact with the woman since she’d verbally eviscerated Eli. It seemed like his streak of luck was up. 

“Well,” Lydia purred, “what a delight to find you down here. Just the man I was looking for.”

She licked her lips and Daryl narrowed his eyes. Lydia took a step into the room, her hips rocked from side to side with the slight motion. An exaggeration of movement not lost on the hunter. He’d seen plenty of big game hunting with his brother, Lydia was no different than the beasts in the woods. She was a predator. 

“Aren’t you going to say hello?” Lydia prompted him, her voice like silk.

Daryl rolled his bottom lip between his teeth and bit down. Lydia was still advancing. It took all of his willpower not to back away. He’d faced down scarier people than this woman, but there was something about her that seemed dangerous this time. More dangerous than his daddy after a bad night of drinking.

“What d’you want?”

Lydia winced, irritated by the tone of his voice. She managed to mask her reaction with a shiver. Daryl watched her with mounting anxiety. 

“Well, it’s not what  _ I _ want, per say…” she tapped her chin in thought. “It’s what both of us want.”

What Daryl wanted was for her to leave. Right now. At the very least he wished he’d put on a shirt. While he hadn’t been expecting anyone but Rick, it was reckless to assume no one else would come. 

“I think you should leave,” he murmured.

Lydia pretended not to hear.

“I’ve seen you watching me you know. I want you to know that I’ve noticed,” she prowled closer still. “In fact, it’s one of my favorite parts of the day. I catch you staring and I love how quickly you turn away.”

Now she was inches away from Daryl. The hunter’s breath was coming in short bursts. He didn’t like this. Not one bit. But trapped in Lydia’s sphere of influence he couldn’t move. One of her fingers trailed between the apex of his pectoral muscles. Daryl’s chest heaved and his stomach turned. It wasn’t like him to feel this way.

“Please-” his voice broke slightly.

Lydia shushed him. Daryl’s heart was racing and she took it as a sign that her advances weren’t unwanted. Inside the hunter was paralyzed, unable to fight back against the brunette. Lydia draped herself against his front. 

“Oh, you don’t have to beg with me. I’ll do  _ anything _ you want. In fact, why don’t we start now? Hm?”

With that, she pressed her pouty lips against his thin ones. He was slack against her, no matter how much she tried to entice him. No matter, there were a million other ways to get a man’s head spinning. Lydia licked against the corner of his mouth one last time. Daryl’s skin crawled. She was moving down, nipping at the corner of his jaw, sliding over his neck. 

_ Snap out of it _ . Daryl screamed at himself. No matter how much he fought to regain control of the situation, he couldn’t force himself to move. Merle’s voice made an appearance in his head.  _ What’s a matter Darleana? Since when you turn down free head? You too good for that now that you’re Officer Friendly’s little bitch? You a little fag boy now? _

“No,” he whimpered. 

Lydia didn’t hear him, too busy moaning into his neck. Daryl’s stomach threatened to rebel. Still he couldn’t convince his body to move. He was trapped, his mind racing and cruel while his limbs betrayed him. Lydia’s hand was travelling south. Long nails pulled over the skin of his abdomen and toyed with the button of his jeans.  _ No! _

His eyes flicked frantically around the room, looking desperately for a way out. A shadow moved in the doorway. Daryl latched onto it like a lifeline, hoping beyond hope that it was someone who’d save him. He whimpered.

“ _ Eli. _ ”

Lydia froze, anger growing in her gut. 

“What the fuck is your problem? Don’t you know better than to call out someone else’s name in the middle of foreplay? God you’re stupid. And what’s the deal with Eli? What makes her so desir-”

Lydia head snapped backwards, effectively cutting off anything else she might have said. Daryl’s breath was coming in short bursts, his cheeks on fire. Eli stood with her Lydia’s hair wound tightly around her wrist, the brunette bent at an awkward angle. The hunter’s eyes were wild and terrified as he stared open mouthed at his lover. Eli’s face was a mask of rage and unrestrained hatred. 

“Eli,” Daryl choked out the word, his voice sounding like plea. 

_ -It’s alright. It’s okay, just wait.- _

She signed quickly to him, trying to reassure one handed that she wasn’t angry with him and she needed him not to go anywhere. Lydia finally came out of her surprised stupor. She started to struggle against Eli’s grasp. Eli twisted her fistful of hair harder and Lydia felt blood dribble down her scalp. She took a deep breath to scream.

Eli beat her to it. The smaller woman twisted Lydia around so she was on her knees, still trapped in her grip. Real fear pulled at her heart. She’d never seen anyone as enraged as Eli was now. But fear makes people do strange things, and what Lydia did next was a mistake. 

“You fucking greedy little bitch. Think you can have everyone in this goddamn place? Well I’ve got news for you, your days at the top are numbered!” Lydia grit her teeth against the pain building in her head. “Daryl doesn’t want you, he wants  _ me _ . There’s nothing you can do about it. Attack me and just wait, the council will punish you much worse than they did me.”

Daryl was still frozen in place, unable to move or run. He was captured by Eli’s presence. The strength and power she put out holding down his attacker. But Lydia’s words twisted something inside him and he was compelled to speak. 

“E-Eli, it wasn’t, I wasn’t, I didn’t  _ want _ -”

She held up a hand.

_ -I know.- _

That was enough to ease the tension in the hunter’s chest, just a bit. Eli looked at him, her eyes softening just slightly. Lydia tried to take the opportunity to escape. She thrashed wildly, attempting to pull away from her captor. Eli kicked her hard in the stomach. Lydia’s breath whooshed out and she gasped for air. But Eli didn’t stop there, oh no. Still with one hand in the brunette’s hair, she pulled her up and rained blows down on her face. Eli was much stronger than she looked and Lydia screamed when her nose broke. 

“Please stop,” her voice was as broken as her nose. 

Her plea did nothing to hinder Eli. If anything, it made her that much more furious. Eli kicked her again and again, aiming for the ribs and stomach. Lydia dug her fingernails into the skin of Eli’s arm, trying to dislodge it from her hair. The smaller woman’s nostrils flared at Lydia’s resistance. Without a thought, she snapped back her first and middle fingers. The sound of it punctuated by the quick draw of breath just before Lydia shrieked. 

Daryl watched the scene unfold before him with way too many thoughts running through his head. Eli was  _ killing  _ Lydia. At least, that’s what it looked like. Blood was pouring from the woman’s nose, mouth, and scalp. But Daryl couldn’t find it in himself to be upset. He  _ hated _ to see women beaten and bruised, but this wasn’t his ma, this was Lydia. Lydia who had forced herself on him. Part of him felt vindicated, happy even that Eli was beating her half to death. But it was that part of him that made him sick. It disgusted him that he was finding comfort from Eli’s actions. He promptly vomited. Thick strings of bile burned through his throat and out of his mouth. 

“Daryl!” 

Hands were on him suddenly and he emptied his stomach again. A shudder rippled down his back. He thought he saw Eli pause in her assault to sign something. Who was touching him? Daryl struggled weakly against whoever it was. The hands pulled back and he tried very hard to get control of himself. A voice was speaking again, but it sounded like it was coming from underwater. 

“Daryl, sweetheart, can you sit up? Eli, could you, can you just-just wait a minute darlin’!”

Abruptly silence fell. The only sounds in the room were Eli’s heavy breathing and the wheezing coming from Lydia. Rick’s face hovered in front of the hunter. Through blurry vision, Daryl locked onto his gaze. 

“Rick?” 

When did he get down here? Rick’s hands were hovering between them, not touching Daryl, but close enough to feel the heat pouring off the man. The hunter shivered again, his stomach rolling and threatening to spill. Eli watched her lovers with concern. The anger that had consumed her only moments ago was dying out. Rick was bent at the waist in order to make eye contact with Daryl’s hunched form. He stood directly in the pool of vomit, having been unsuccessful in turning the hunter the other way. 

“Your boots…” Daryl murmured dumbly.

Rick couldn’t hold back with that. He let out one wet laugh and dragged Daryl into his embrace. The hunter was tense, but not shaking anymore. Eli saw tears well up in Rick’s eyes and her rage was back. 

_ -You should go. I’ll meet you at the nest.- _

Rick gave the slightest nod to show he’d heard. Gently, so carefully, he led Daryl out of the room. The hunter allowed it, still dazed and sore from his stomach spasms. Lydia hadn’t said a word during the entire exchange. She was too exhausted and desperate for relief from being beaten. Eli had broken more than just her nose and fingers. It was hard to breath and harder to fight back. But now Eli was turning her furious gaze back to her. She gulped. Eli’s fist pulled back and Lydia squeezed her eyes shut. The sound of metal connecting with concrete startled her. She popped her eyes back open. There were handcuffs on the ground near the two women. Eli was facing the doorway where Rick’s silhouette was paused.

“Don’t kill her,” he spoke lowly. Hope bloomed in Lydia. “She doesn’t deserve to die.”

The hope was gone. Eli’s fist connected one last time and the world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck Lydia! She's outta here! Go Eli! 
> 
> Also 1-800-656-4673, sexual assault hotline.


	69. Retelling, Reliving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl tries to explain what happened to Rick, it's harder than he expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are again!

“Daryl?”

He inhaled deeply and blinked. The hunter was in the nest with Rick, both of them sitting on the bed. Daryl couldn’t remember the walk from the prison or when he’d put on a shirt. One of his hands slid down the front of it. It was Rick’s.

“I put it on you,” said the man, “you were, you weren’t lettin’ me touch you. Is that alright?”

The hunter blinked slowly and nodded. He couldn’t remember, but he did feel better with more clothes. Rick licked his lips and edged closer. Daryl leaned back. Rick held still, a frown tilting his lips down.

“What happened Daryl?” he implored.

The hunter bit his thumb nervously. It wasn’t a big deal, it’s not like anything happened. But part of him didn’t want to tell Rick. He wasn’t sure if he was ashamed of what had happened or if he was afraid of what Rick would think of him. But he looked so sincere, so concerned about Daryl that he had to say something. 

“It ain’t a big deal.”

Rick wanted to argue. Anything that made Daryl freeze like that was certainly a big deal. Anything that made the hunter  _ sick _ was a big deal. Daryl had an ironclad stomach, he didn’t just puke from nothing. Rick wiped his palms on his pants and nodded.

“Okay,” Daryl looked up surprised. “What wasn’t a big deal?”

The hunter squinted at Rick. His face was a careful mask of neutrality, but it wasn’t fooling Daryl. There were lines etched in the corners of his eyes and between his brows. He was worried. Daryl sighed heavily and closed his eyes. 

“I got outta the shower and Lydia showed up. She started touchin’ me and sayin’ I’d been watchin’ her,” Daryl swallowed and chanced a look up at Rick. He was angry. “I never looked at her Rick, I swear it.”

Rick nodded curtly. His fingers were curled into fists, the nails leaving half moons in his skin. Daryl held his breath, waiting for Rick to speak.

“What happened next?” he asked gruffly.

“Um, I asked her ta stop, but she didn’t. Eli came in and pulled her off me. Then you were there.”

That was the very much abridged version. But Daryl couldn’t bring himself to admit how terrified he’d been. He couldn’t tell Rick that Merle’s voice was back in his head and taunting him. He didn’t want to and he wouldn’t. Rick looked pained, his face twisted like nothing Daryl’d ever seen.

“Why didn’t you push her away?”

That was the wrong thing to say. Daryl’s mouth knotted into a scowl and he stood to full height. Rick scrambled to his feet, knowing immediately that his words had come out wrong. He hadn’t meant to imply Daryl wanted it. More so, he was trying to understand how Lydia had managed to pin the hunter down when she was so much smaller than him. 

“Daryl, Dare, sweetheart, that’s not what I meant-”

“The fuck it ain’t!” He spat back.

“No no, listen to me, please! Wait, wait, I, that came out wrong,” Rick was pleading with him. 

Daryl paused. Without realizing it, the hunter had been prowling around the room. Rick hated to see him like this. Like an animal trapped in a cage. Daryl was wild. But that was why it made no sense! What had Lydia done to make him freeze?

“Did she do something to you? Did she threaten you?” Rick’s voice cracked over the words. “Did she threaten someone else if you didn’t let her-”

“No!” He exploded. “No she didn’t fuckin’ threaten me! I froze Rick! Is that what you want to hear? I was such a fuckin’ coward that she didn’t have to do  _ anything _ except touch me. I was expecting you! I thought you were comin’ to take your shower after, after we… But it wasn’t! It was Lydia and I wasn’t, I didn’t expect it. I fuckin’ froze.”

By the end of it his voice was barely above a whisper. Rick looked ready to cry again and that was something Daryl couldn’t take. He stomped forward to his lover, came within inches and backed away again. He gnawed on his lip.

“Please Rick, don’t, please don’t cry.”

Rick took a deep breath, releasing it in shaky intervals. This wasn’t the time for him to lose his head. He’d come across plenty of cases like this back on the force. Granted, most of them had the genders reversed, but most of them also ended worse. If Eli hadn’t shown up when she had… Rick didn’t want to think about that. 

“Are you,” he hesitated, “are you okay? Sorry, that was stupid.”

He took another breath. Daryl wasn’t looking at him anymore. His shoulders were hunched protectively and he had his hands balled into fists. The hunter wasn’t okay, that much was obvious.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The question sounded weak, even to Rick.

“No.”

Daryl was quiet. In a way, it was worse than if he were to rage at Rick. In the past, the hunter would have argued that there was nothing to talk about. That he was fine and tougher than this. But he wasn’t this time. Rick reached out for him again. Daryl’s lip returned to his teeth, red and bloody from the abuse. The ex-sheriff pulled back.

“‘M gonna go…” Daryl murmured.

Rick’s heart dropped. He was leaving? For how long? Where was he going? Would he be safe? What had Eli done with Lydia? Daryl glanced at him from beneath his fringe.

“I ain’t goin’ far. Just gotta clear my head. Probably not comin’ back tonight though.”

“Did I do somethin’?” Rick’s voice was strained.

Daryl shook his head and scooped up a fresh set of clothes. It wasn’t that. But if one more person touched him, Daryl was sure he’d puke again. The thought of sharing the bed with both lovers was overwhelming. Even if they didn’t mean to, they were bound to come in contact with him. 

“Just need some time is all. It ain’t you.”

Rick looked miserable. Daryl couldn’t bear to meet his imploring gaze. Without so much as a goodbye, the hunter slipped out the door and into the stairwell. Rick’s face fell and he crumpled to the ground. Though he fought the tears, they still came, his chin trembling with the force of holding back. He wouldn’t make a sound. Not until he was sure the hunter was gone. 

Daryl held his breath on the other side of the door. When he was sure he had himself under control, he descended the stairs. Eli was waiting at the bottom. She wasn’t moving, just waiting. Her hands were clasped in front of herself and she didn’t move to meet him. It was Daryl’s choice if he wanted to speak to her. He knew that. 

“Rick’s upstairs,” he chose to say.

Eli moved slowly. Her fingers unlocked from each other carefully, but her movements weren’t cautious. Daryl appreciated that she wasn’t babying him. More than that, he appreciated that she respected his space.

_ -I know. You aren’t sleeping with us tonight.- _

It wasn’t signed as a question and the hunter didn’t answer. Eli nodded once, understanding. 

_ -We’ll be here when you get back.- _

“I’m goin’ to Carol’s cell.” 

Daryl felt compelled to let her know he wasn’t running. This wasn’t the same as when they’d first gotten together and he’d been afraid. Eli got that, she knew. As young as she was, she always knew.

_ -Goodnight Daryl.- _

He didn’t answer her and she didn’t wait for him to. They passed each other, inches apart on the stairs. Eli didn’t turn, didn’t reach out, didn’t implore him to stay. She let him leave without a word of protest. 

Tears poured down Daryl’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for sporadic posting. I've enrolled in college at long last so things have been a little hectic. 
> 
> I will not abandon this story! 
> 
> There'll be a second chapter up in a minute, I know this one is kinda short


	70. Desperate Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli and Rick deal with their emotions in the aftermath of Lydia's attack and Daryl's retreat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, a tiny bit of hurt/comfort for you

Hands were touching his face. Rick shuddered as fingers, small and soothing, wiped his stubbled cheeks. Though he squeezed his eyes shut harder, it did nothing to stop the fall of tears. A sob bubbled up and out between his lips. 

Eli’s slight weight settled into his lap. She wrapped her legs around his waist and arms around his chest. Rick buried his face in the torn skin of her neck. She let him cry. Her hands traced invisible lines along his back in an effort to comfort him. Eli inhaled slowly. Rick was clinging to her like a lifeline, his strong arms pinning her in place, almost like he was afraid she might run away if he loosened his grip.

After what felt like hours he grew slack. Rick rested his head on her shoulder and drew shaky breaths between bitten lips. Eli ran her fingers through his curly hair. A broken hum vibrated up her throat. She wanted to speak. Rick pulled away, his eyes puffy and swollen from crying, nose dripping slightly. Eli looked at him solemnly. Carefully, she wiped her sleeve on his upper lip and pressed a solid kiss to his lips.

“Eli,” he whimpered.

Her dark eyes studied his pale ones. At once she knew he needed her touch more than her words. She pressed against the hot skin of his neck, pulling him to rest against her shoulder. Such a small gesture brought on more tears. But gone were the heart-wrenching sobs that tore at his chest and ripped a hole in his stomach. Just steady water flowing down his face and into Eli’s shirt. She held him without judgement, without words. Eli was the rock that anchored him while his heart raged a wild storm. Her fingers danced against his chest, signing words he couldn’t understand.

_ -Hush now,- _ she signed when he finally looked up again.  _ -He isn’t gone forever. Daryl will come back to us.- _

“It’s not that,” Rick’s throat ached. “Eli, you didn’t see… he wouldn’t, he didn’t want me to touch him.  _ Me _ .”

_ -You can’t have expected him to welcome hands on him after what Lydia did?- _

The way she signed the woman’s name was like a curse. The letters were sharp and violent, her face twisted in a mask of hatred. Rick shook his head. His eyes slid shut for a moment to gather himself.

“No, but,” he wasn’t sure how to explain it, “he’s always… There’s never been a time when he wouldn’t let me touch him. Even in the beginning. Even after I cuffed his brother to a rooftop and left him to die. There’s never been a time that he didn’t let me get close.”

Eli gestured towards the door, a broad wave of her arm. 

_ -This is not the same. Surely you’ve dealt with victims of sexual assault on the force.- _

Rick jerked like she’d slapped him. Of course, he knew what Lydia had done. But to have someone say it out loud, it was something else. It made it all too real again. Eli was watching him carefully. She gauged his reaction and continued. 

_ -You have. I know it is difficult, especially since it is someone that you care about. But this isn’t a reflection of you.- _

Eli bit her lip, rolling it hard between her teeth. Her own worries and fears about what had happened were circling around her head like vultures, but now wasn’t the time to dwell on it. Rick was crying again, his chin trembling violently. Eli exhaled in a silent  _ oh _ and pulled his head back down to rest on her shoulder. Her hands stroked a soothing path over his crown. 

“How can you be so calm?” Rick’s voice was muffled and anguished. “How can this not  _ hurt _ you? Eli, it’s tearing me apart.”

She didn’t answer him, not willing to break down while he was so vulnerable. Rick sighed and rested more of his weight on her. She bore it, bore everything. When he lay her down flat beneath him and covered her with his body, Eli held him tight. His blue eyes were shot through with red. No longer did they appear icy, instead they swirled dark like pools of rain along empty streets. She kissed him, her mouth slotting over his in an attempt to banish the frown there. 

For several slow minutes, Rick didn’t respond to her. But Eli was nothing if not persistent. Each kiss was different, new. It was like rediscovering Rick, like kissing him for the first time. She peppered gentle kisses to his cheek bones, firm presses of lips along his jaw. Rick shook softly, trapped in her embrace. When he finally answered Eli, it was desperately. 

Rick pushed hard off of his elbows to trap Eli between his arms. His hands gripped her jaw and tangled in her hair as he was afraid she would leave. Eli let a puff of air ghost over his lips, but didn’t push him away. If anything she pushed back just as hard. He moved against her, urgent and frantic. Desperation to prove himself, to prove  _ to _ himself, that he was cared for. That he was…

Eli slipped a hand under his shirt. Her thin fingers ghosted over the skin there and twirled around the scar in his chest. Rick shivered, all thoughts vanishing. He leaned back enough to give Eli room. She took his message for what it was and peeled off her shirt. Rick was on her before she had the chance to lay back down. His mouth latched onto her scarred skin, fingers gripping hard over her hips. Eli groaned rough and ragged in the back of her throat. 

“Eli,” Rick breathed against her nipple. “Can we, can you? I can’t…”

Somehow, she understood what he wanted. With care, he rolled off of her and onto his back. Eli slid out of the rest of her clothes, Rick following suit. In a second they were rejoined. He sat up to hold her closer, the blunt tips of his fingers were trailing red lines over her skin. Eli wrapped her arms around his shoulders. 

“I need you…” Rick murmured against the shell of her ear. 

Eli nodded quickly, understanding completely. The noise in her head was overwhelming. She replayed the scene over and over. Walking in on Daryl and the absolute terror she saw in his eyes. The anguish. How his expression had morphed into an entirely different kind of fear when she had walked in the room. All rage and anger and hatred, she’d allowed those base emotions to consume her. Instead of comforting her lover, she chose to selfishly attack Lydia. Eli squeezed her eyes shut tight against the image. Rick bit lightly at her throat, a welcome distraction. She let out a shaky exhale, partly from pleasure, partly from grief. 

Rick eased himself into her slowly. The desperation that had been in their kisses was gone now. Now he sought to reassure himself. Eli was here. Daryl may have gone away, but he would return to them. Eli had said so. And right now she was  _ here _ and he owed it to her to be as well. She sunk down onto him with a sigh. Her eyes were dark and searching. He tried to read into what she was thinking, but Eli was a master of masks. Rick kissed her again, soft, tender. 

“I’m sor-” he started to whisper, tears tracking down his cheeks. 

Eli shook her head hard against his. Now wasn’t the time. She moved in his lap, undulating and arching in his arms. Rick swallowed his sadness. The moved in unison, two broken pieces trying to feel whole again. Rick finished soundlessly, his eyes falling shut and tears leaking out again. Eli licked them away and clung to him. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “I’m so sorry.”

She bit her lip. Rick continued to mutter. Even after she had tucked him into the blankets tightly. His words were slowing, slurring. Eli sat beside his head and cradled him. Rick nuzzled against her hip, her skin wet from his weeping. Eli forgave him with each breath she let out. Forgave Rick for whatever fault he’d found in himself. Forgave Daryl for running away from them. Forgave herself for acting irrationally in the face of what had happened. It hurt, and she struggled to do it. 

If she hadn’t gotten there when she had, who knows what would have happened. If Michael hadn’t come running to find her, if she hadn’t sent him after Rick, if Lydia had been more persistent in her attack. There were a thousand if’s and she had to let them go. What had happened had happened and there was nothing anyone could do to undo that. All they could do now was heal and move forward. 

Rick’s breathing evened out. Eli sat with him a while longer, her eyes staring hard at him in the darkness. Rick was blaming himself. The more she thought about it, the more she understood. He’d been the one to sentence Lydia the first time she’d attacked one of them. He’d been the one to agree that she should stay in the camp. The prison was supposed to be safe. There was supposed to be people keeping an eye on Lydia. But they were only supposed to make sure she stayed away from Eli. Rick hadn’t been expecting her to go after Daryl. And that was why he was blaming himself and apologizing so profusely.

_ It’s not your fault, _ she mouthed at Rick’s sleeping form.  _ There’s no way you could have known what was going to come. Your compassion is one of your best parts and I don’t want you to lose sight of that.  _

Eli sighed. There were days such as this when she wished she could speak. You can only put so much conviction behind the motions of your hands. While she did her best to show how she felt physically, it didn’t always translate. She edged away from Rick. 

Her feet carried her away from the nest and across the prison yard. As long as Eli was back before Rick woke up, he wouldn’t worry. But for now, it was all she could do. She had to be sure… Daryl had said he was going to Carol’s, but what if he hadn’t made it? What if he’d changed his mind?

She crept silently through the halls of the prison, up the stairs and down to Carol’s cell. When she was only a few yards away, the light of a cigarette butt stopped her in her tracks. Eli froze, uncertain of how to proceed. Daryl had trusted her with his location. He clearly wanted to be left alone, at least for the night. If he caught her checking on him… that might ruin a good deal of the trust she’d built with him. She started to back away.

“Relax,” came a quiet voice, “he’s asleep for now.”

Eli breathed a sigh of relief. Her footsteps were feather-light as she made her way to Carol. The woman didn’t normally smoke, and never inside. She must have heard about what had happened. Carol exhaled a plume and extinguished the cigarette. 

“You came to check on him?”

Carol patted the ground beside her. Eli sat carefully and nodded.

_ -I was worried.- _

The older woman could have laughed. Any other situation she would have, but this was uncharted territory. Now the only thing Carol wanted was to cry. This shouldn’t have happened, not to anyone. But it certainly shouldn’t happened to Daryl. That man had had far too much shit happen to him in his life. He didn’t need this. He didn’t deserve it. But Carol didn’t say this to Eli. She didn’t say anything. The words were bitter and sour in her mouth, poisoned by an all consuming urge to simultaneously murder Lydia and comfort Daryl. 

“I hope you didn’t tell him that,” she said instead.

_ -Of course not. After something like this, Daryl probably is feeling vulnerable. That’s not something he likes. Not something he likes to have pointed out either. Me worrying won’t help him. If anything, it will cement the idea in his head that I think he is weak. I don’t think that.- _

The last line was signed with slumped shoulders. Carol raised an eyebrow. Eli was a lot more observant than she let on. Daryl was very much a closed book. Most people didn’t see how he truly felt. Hell, Carol had to force him to be open with her, but Eli, Eli figured him out in months, not years. A new respect for the petite woman grew in her chest. 

“Why’d you come then? I mean,” Carol leaned back to rest against the prison wall, “if you knew he wouldn’t want you to check on him, why’d you come?”

Eli bit her lip and shook her head. 

_ -It’s not- _ she aborted that sentence.  _ -I just had to be sure… Not that he’s okay, but that he was here. That he was resting. He’s safe with you, and he feels safe with you. Right now, he doesn’t want to be with us, with me and Rick. But he wanted to go to you. I understand, I respect that and respect you for being someone he can turn to. And I just needed to get away.- _

Carol felt her cheeks warm slightly. Eli really got it. She understood everything about everyone and every aspect of how they all interacted. It hadn’t escaped Carol’s notice that Daryl had come to her. She hadn’t asked him anything, hadn’t really said anything when he showed up in her cell door. The hunter had just looked so tired. She handed him some sleep pants and an oversize sweater and sent him to bed. 

“Is Rick okay?”

Eli started to nod, then changed her mind and shook her head.

_ -He’s sleeping. I don’t think he’s taking it well. He,-  _ Eli bit her lip and paused to run frantic fingers through her hair,  _ -we, feel like it’s our fault.- _

Carol frowned at that. 

“How could it possibly be your fault? Either of you?”

_ -Rick, I think Rick thinks it’s his fault because of the trial. If he had exiled Lydia, then she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to attack Daryl. And, if I understand Rick as well as I think I do, I think he’s upset that he didn’t see this coming.- _

“It’s hardly Rick’s fault Lydia wasn’t exiled,” Carol spoke softly, but with conviction, “I was the one to suggest she stay. I was the one who told him that I would keep an eye on Lydia. Obviously, I messed up. Now is that my fault? No. Rick is too hard on himself.”

Eli nodded. She knew that. But knowing it and  _ feeling _ it were two completely different things. Carol looked sideways at her. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out where Eli found herself to blame for this.

“Why’re you blaming yourself? Nobody could have guessed that Lydia would have gone after Daryl. I don’t think she even knew you were together.”

_ -It’s not so much what happened, but how I reacted.- _

Carol held her breath. What little she knew she’d heard through the grapevine. Daryl had been attacked in the showers by Lydia. Michael, one of the Woodbury people, had told her Lydia had been very suspicious, touching him inappropriately and asking about the hunter. Carol had put two and two together, but that wasn’t the whole story. She didn’t know what happened or how far things had gone. She didn’t ask. A part of her didn’t want to know.

_ -When I walked into the showers, I saw Lydia. She was touching Daryl and he was frozen. I’ve never seen someone so scared as he was. But I stupidly reacted wrong. My first thought was to get her off of him. He didn’t want her touching him, that much was clear. So I was furious and I let it show all over my face. Daryl, he thought- _ Eli stopped to scrub at her eyes tiredly.  _ -he thought I was mad at  _ him _. The fear in his eyes turned to terror. But I was too busy beating the shit out of Lydia to realize that. I tried to sign that I wasn’t mad at him, but I don’t think it came across as well as it should have. I fucked up Carol.- _

The older woman shook her head. God, these three would be the death of her. They were the most confusing band of misfits she’d ever seen. All of them over thought their every move. They messed up and beat themselves up about it over and over. Carol reached over and pulled Eli into her arms. 

“It’s not your fault,” she said firmly. “Not yours, or Rick’s, or Daryl’s, or mine. The only person to blame here is Lydia, and I think you took care of her already.”

Eli sniffled a bit and nodded. She’d tossed the bitch out on her ass, banging on the fence the whole way. Eli hadn’t killed her, but she hadn’t given her a good chance of survival. No weapons, no food, walkers ambling towards her. But it still sucked. Carol held her close while tears made their silent way down her cheeks. Eli sighed into her chest. A moment longer and she pulled away, wiping her face roughly. 

_ -I should get back, Rick’s sleeping. If he wakes up and I’m not there, he’s going to think something’s happened.- _

“Of course Sweetie. You go take care of him, I’ll handle Pookie.”

Eli cracked a weak smile at the moniker. Standing, she brushed off her pants and signed farewell.

_ -You tell him to take as much time as he needs. We aren’t going anywhere. We’ll wait.- _

“You love him don’t you?” Carol’s voice carried down the hall.

Eli paused, halfway down the corridor by now. She didn’t turn, didn’t answer.

“You love them both.” 

Carol said it as a matter of fact. Again, Eli didn’t turn around, didn’t sign, didn’t give any indication that Carol was right. But she didn’t say no. Didn’t deny it. The older woman sighed. If one of them managed to pull their heads out of the sand and just say it, they’d all be so much better off. Eli’s footsteps echoed and disappeared. Carol stood as well, heading to the kitchens to make Judith a bottle. 

Alone in her cell, Daryl fought to slow down the frantic beating of his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in a darkish place, but never fear, the sun will come out again!


	71. The Dreamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli finally breaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A look in the mind of a girl who's walls didn't just fall, they shattered and exploded like a bomb going off

_ Underwater. Drowning, fighting, struggling for air. Eli tried to scream and watched helplessly as bubbles carried her words to the surface. Her lungs were burning, desperate to inhale. To breathe. No matter how hard her legs kicked she couldn’t escape. Darkness overtook her vision as she lost consciousness.  _

_ Awake now, breathing hard and fast she lay on the bank. Where was she? Her dark eyes scanned the area wildly, looking for anything familiar. There were trees. Hundreds of them, dark and foreboding. They towered over her like monsters. The dirt and twigs beneath her were unforgiving and sharp, digging into the bare skin of her legs.  _

_ Eli looked down at herself. There were her emaciated legs, wet and tinged blue from the cold. She wore nothing but her torn shirt and tangled hair. Panic filled her. How did she get back in the forest?  _

_ Where was Daryl?  _

_ Rick?  _

_ Carl, Judith, Carol, Beth, Tara? _

_ A groan sounded behind her and more answered from the left. She stood on unsteady legs, a wave of dizziness nearly overwhelming her. Now wasn’t the time to fall, not with walkers coming. Her head throbbed in protest. Too long without food, without shelter. Too long without human contact. A face pulsed through her mind.  _

_ Daryl? _

_ Had she imagined it all? The terror swelling within her tore at her insides and burned her throat. She ran, feeling like she was still underwater, still trapped in a state of frozen inertia. Unable to move away, but desperate to flee. The walkers were getting closer now. If she could just reach the treeline… _

_ Where was everyone? A new kind of fear flooded her bloodstream. She couldn’t have made it all up, right? Rick? His icy eyes and warm hands. A moan bubbled past her lips. Flashes of blue blurred her vision, was it him? No. Not him. A new face transposed itself on top of the memory she carried inside of her. Not Rick, not him.  _

_ Not him.  _

_ Not who?  _

_ Who, who had she been thinking about? _

_ Her feet ached, pounding rough against the forest floor. The cuts there leaving a bloody trail that the walkers followed. A thrill of pain shot up her spine. Sharp, sharp stabs in her feet.  _

_ Daryl?  _

_ His stormy eyes on her face and filled with worry. What had he been so worried about? There was, it was, she’d been hurt and there were arms… Someone’s arms wrapped around her waist to hold her still. To hold her down. Someone holding her down and hurting and torturing her again and again and again and again. _

_ She tripped. Her head smacked hard against the ground and she lay frozen. The fall left her stunned, memories in her skull mixing and twisting. Bitter now, hurt again. Darkness fell. _

_ When she woke next, the sun was gone. The trees draped in inky black despair. Eli’s breath floated before her. Panic now, back again and violent, deadly even. She held perfectly still. Didn’t dare move. Didn’t dare speak. A voice, in the darkness.  _

_ Beth? Was it Beth? _

_ “Eli…” it called, eerie and unformed.  _

_ ‘Beth!’ she mouthed back, her voice gone. Where was her voice? Who had stolen it? She wasn’t breathing right, her air short and gasping as it slid into her lungs. The figure, blonde, lithe, beautiful, moved closer to her.  _

_ Beth!  _

_ Beth?  _

_ Beth… who was?  _

_ Eli’s brow furrowed hard. Who was, who had she been, what? A trickle of blood ran down her temple.  _

_ The fall! She’d fallen... her mind couldn’t piece thoughts together but it wasn’t her fault. Not her fault. It wasn’t her fault.  _

_ It’s not my fault! She screamed it desperately. But the words were empty, breathless, silent.  _

_ “Eli,” the name gentle and sweet, dripping like syrup sticky and cloying in her ears.  _

_ Blonde, blue, blue blue eyes. Eyes like barely ripened blueberries. They were inches from her dark ones, staring. Peering, judging her. A sharp pain ripped through her cheek. There was a knife pulling her skin open, searing her with it’s blade.  _

_ “Eli, my baby. My sweet little girl, mama’s here. You let mama take care of you.” _

_ Eli’s eyes welled up with tears. Mama? Of course! Her mama was here. Gonna make it all better.  _

_ Gonna burn the demons right out of her.  _

_Icy_ _  eyes, stormy gazes, sharp hands, torturous embraces. Mama would wipe it all away. Just give in, lie down. Let her touch you. Let her hold you. Let her break you into a million tiny pieces to refashion you into something new and fresh and beautiful. Something strong. Something better.  _

_ Pins and needles travelling up her arms, her legs shaking hard as she swallowed the pain. She took her spoonful of medicine. No thank you Mama, I don’t need no sugar to make it go down. I can take it. I can take it.  _

_ “Hush now,” murmured her mother, “hush now Eli. Why are you crying?” _

_ She didn’t know why she was crying. Now she was up above. Looking down at the scene from the clouds. She saw her body, grotesque and splayed open wide for all to see. She was in pieces, parts of her here, others over there. But mama was smiling. And she looked so pretty when she smiled, everyone said so, didn’t you know? Mama might be sick, but she loves you so. The words echoed around her head like a prayer. You know she loves you, right? _

_ “Sleep now my love. When you wake again, you’ll be brand new.” _

_ So she did. And when her eyes snapped open, she was in bed. Tucked tight between two solid bodies. Home. Safe. Free. Who had she been dreaming of?  _

_ Was it?  _

_ Who?  _

_ The memories came back again. How had she forgotten Beth? Her sister in all but blood. And Rick? Daryl? They were right here. Right? _

_ A look around proved her wrong. Two bodies. Solid. Solid and cold as ice. Dead now, dead for days. A boy to the left, small and pale. His hair was long, unkempt. Lips once red with youthful life and vibrance were stained purple with the kiss of death.  _

_ Eli’s eyes widened. No. No! No, no no no no no, no not Carl. Not Carl! She scrambled up, out of bed. Away from the boy who once filled her days with life and love. Not him, please god not him.  _

_ Not Carl.  _

_ There was a hole in his head where his eye should be, empty and dark. The other was open, glazed over and pale with decay. Still he stared. His gaze was accusing. She did this. Somehow she did this. This was Eli’s fault. Tears poured down her face. She retched.  _

_ Outside, away. Away from the nest and Carl and the memories and the pain. She had done this. She’d allowed this to happen. How did it happen? How did she let it happen? Not Carl, not her baby. Not him, anyone but him. _

_ “Eli?” _

_ She couldn’t. Eli didn’t dare look up. Didn’t dare match the face to the voice. Couldn’t take anymore pain. Please, no more pain. _

_ “Eli, what’s wrong? Sunshine?” _

_ Her chin trembled. ‘No’, she mouthed, helpless to stop what was to come.  _

_ She looked up. Outside of the fence, Daryl stood facing her. There was concern etched in the fine lines of his face. His brow furrowed just so, lip tugged down in the slightest frown. Eli fought the tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn’t let them fall. There was a tug in her gut. Something bad was gonna happen. Somethin’ real bad was gonna happen if she took her eyes off him. His fingers reached through the links in the fence. He reached for her. _

_ “Sunshine, tell me what’s wrong. Did you have a nightmare?” _

_ Eli almost shook her head, almost. But if she looked away, if she turned from him, if she didn’t keep him in her line of sight… Something bad was gonna happen.  _

_ “Sunshine, look at me. I ain’t goin’ nowhere, you tell me what’s happened.” _

_ The concern, th-the love in his voice did it. She broke. Only for one second, only just enough to lose sight of him. Her eyes squeezed shut to soothe the burning. When she opened them… _

_ “Eli?” terror now in his voice. _

_ No… _

_ There was a gun pressed to Daryl’s head. The muzzle sizzled against the skin there, the smell of burning skin overwhelming Eli’s senses. He looked frantic, his hands up and fingers shaking. She whimpered. _

_ No… _

_ Lydia was poised like the devil. Gun cocked and too close to avoid. Too close. She was too fucking close to him and Eli couldn’t reach them in time. She was too far, too far away to save him. Always too fucking far. The distance between them insurmountable.  _

_ Please… she mouthed the words. _

_ “I can’t hear you!” Lydia’s grin twisted and sharp with too many teeth. “Cat got your tongue?” _

_ Please, garbled, torn to pieces by the shreds of her throat. Please, please, please, please, please. _

_ “Please!” Eli screamed it. _

_ The word vibrant and broken and desperate and begging. No sooner had she spoken, a knife wrapped its way around her throat. Soft hair brushed her face. _

_ “Good girls only speak when spoken to,” her mother whispered in her ear. _

_ The knife stuck and pulled hard. Through her neck, through the skin, through the nerves, through the veins, through the fragile lining of her esophagus, through it all.  _

_ A shot rang out. _

_ Down. Down down down. Down went Daryl, his body limp and lifeless. Down went the blood from her neck to her chest and her stomach and legs, pooling at her feet. Down went the tears, wet and useless against her cheeks. Useless. So fucking useless.  _

_ And that’s all she was. All she ever was. _

_ Useless. _

_ Daryl stared at her, head blown open like a rose in full bloom. Petals of his life smeared all across the ground and on her hands. His blood on her hands. She hadn’t been fast enough. _

_ Too late. Always. Too. Late. _

 

Eli flung herself upright, a scream itching its way up her throat and tearing out of her mouth. The sound surprised her, hurt her. Blood flecked her lips as the abused organ resisted her vibrations. Rick was up in a second, gun out and eyes wild. He scanned the nest, chest heaving in wide awake terror. There was nothing. No one, no danger. 

He put down the gun and turned to his bedmate. Immediately his terror was replaced by dread. Eli was curled into herself. Her head was in her hands and her back pulled tight against her bones from the force of her breathing. Tears dripped down onto the blankets.

“Eli?”

He said it so softly, trying not to startle her. Still she jerked hard like he had screamed it in her ear. She wouldn’t look at him. Wouldn’t release her head from the vice-like grip of her fingers. He crawled around to look at her. Dawn was just breaking and he could barely make her out.

He wiped his finger through the dark smear on her lips. Blood. He could smell the copper from a foot away. Rick itched to touch her more, to make sure she was okay. But she was shaking so hard he was afraid to send her deeper into her head. 

“Darlin’, can you look at me?” He waited, nothing. “Eli, I gotta look at you. You’re bleedin’ darlin’. Did you bite yourself?”

Slowly, so slowly, Eli tilted her face up. Her eyes were unfocused but she allowed Rick to reach for her. He felt along the inside of her mouth with the tip of his finger. Sure enough, just there, her tongue was bleeding sluggishly.

“You bit yourself darlin’. It’s pretty bad, but you’ll be alright. You’re alright. It’s alright. You just had a bad dream.”

Eli shook. Was she still dreaming? She’d ‘woken up’ more than once in her nightmare. Was this real? Pinching herself wouldn’t prove it. She was in a lot of pain as is. Her tongue hurt, her throat burned, her muscles ached. Rick brushed the hair back from her face. 

“You’re alright. I got you. I got you darlin’.” 

Rick’s hands were so soft, so sweet. Nothing she’d ever dreamt of had ever been so _ kind _ . This had to be real. Slowly, her breathing evened out again and the violent tremors that had wracked her body dulled to shivering. Just a dream, all just a dream. Carl wasn’t dead, Daryl wasn’t-

A choked gurgle forced its way out of her mouth. Blood sprayed onto Rick’s face and dribbled down Eli’s chin. Rick bit back a whimper. She was trying to call for Daryl

“Daryl’s alright. He’s okay darlin’. He’s not here right now, but I promise you he’s okay.”

She shook her head and grabbed desperately for her lover. Rick held on tight, weathering the storm that seemed to be raging inside of Eli. She sobbed, wet and broken against his chest. He shushed her. One hand worked to wipe away the blood and tears while the other wrapped around her hips. Eli’s body felt broken to him. Her bones were too sharp and her ribs collapsed into themselves. He had to do something to make her stop. 

“Darlin’, sweetie, baby, you gotta stop. You gotta, you’re gonna make yourself sick. Please baby? Please will you stop?” He bit his lip.

She didn’t stop. If anything she wilted more. Eli pressed her face into Rick’s lap, trying to smother her pain and draw comfort from him. Rick smoothed her hair and fought back tears of his own. This was Eli breaking down. This was her breaking point and honestly it was so much more than Rick knew how to handle. She pulled him into her sphere of suffering. He drowned in her. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered, a tear trickling down his face. “We’re okay. He’s okay, everyone’s okay.”

Rick had to get her out. Out of her head, out of the nest. Just out. He pulled her up, steadying her against his side. Together they made their way outside and across the yard. If he could just find Daryl, just catch a glimpse of the elusive hunter, maybe Eli would stop crying. 

“Dad?”

Rick’s stomach dropped. The last person he wanted to see was his son. He loved Carl, but Eli was a mess and in no condition to entertain the boy. But as Carl drew nearer, he felt her pull in a sharp breath. In a blur, she’d thrown herself at him, holding onto him like a lifeline. Carl bore her weight with ease, the boy nearly as tall as her. 

“Eli?” he spoke softly, “Dad, what happened?”

Rick sighed and scrubbed at his face. 

“She had a nightmare. Hasn’t said a word since she woke up. Damn near tore her throat trying to scream though.”

Carl nodded. Eli pulled herself off of him and stepped back awkwardly. He studied her. Where Eli was usually a strong, solid presence, now she seemed ghost-like. She was too pale and the blood on her lips only served to make her look less alive. Carl shot a glance at Rick. He was clearly overwhelmed, looking tired and worn. 

“Let me talk to her,” Carl reached for Eli’s hand.

“Carl, I don’t think that’s-”

“Dad. I got this.”

Rick studied the pair. Eli was holding Carl’s hand so tight his fingers had gone white already. But her face was calm now. A smear of blood and swollen eyes were the only indication that she had lost her composure. Rick had no choice but to allow Carl to take her away. To take his Eli away. There was nothing he could do to make her feel better, but Carl could, he already was. 

Eli trailed after Carl. Her fingers throbbed from squeezing him, but she wouldn’t have let him go for anything. They didn’t go far, just out of earshot of Rick. Carl pulled her down to sit in the soft grass. For a long while, neither of them said anything.

“I get nightmares too,” Carl broke the silence at last.

Eli shook her head. It wasn’t a nightmare.

“Sometimes they feel like more than dreams,” he continued as if she hadn’t moved. “Sometimes there are memories mixed in. I used to dream about Lori.”

Eli sighed, the breath shuddering from her lips. 

“Did you have a dream like that?”

She nodded, hesitantly. It was blurrier now, but the emotion was still there. Raw, dangerous. Carl wrapped his other hand around their joined fingers. He was warm, life pulsing just beneath the skin. Not dead. Not gone. Eli sighed.

“What was it about?”

_ -Don’t remember it all.- _ She signed one handed, unwilling to release him. 

“Why’s your mouth bloody?”

She startled. It was? Sure enough, a lick of her lips brought the bitter tang of metal. The feel of Rick’s finger in her mouth and garbled words floated through her mind.

_ -Bit my tongue.- _

Carl didn’t say anything. Eli leaned into him and slowly, carefully let go of his hand. Carl took it as a cue that she was going to speak and wrapped an arm around her waist. She pressed a hesitant kiss to his crown before signing.

_ -I dreamt that you had died. That Beth had died, that Daryl had died. Everyone was dead and it was all my fault. Do you remember when I told you to trust your gut? That if your intuition was telling you something, you better listen? It felt like that. It feels like that still.- _

“But we’re not dead Eli. We’re safe here. Beth’s fine, she’s feeding Judith her bottle now. Daryl’s alright too. He slept with me and Judy last night. I-I heard about what happened. I’m sorry.”

Some of the tension left Eli’s body. Daryl was alive still, Carl had been with him only hours ago. But still… She itched at her throat, fingers curling around it protectively. Carl took notice.

“That wasn’t all.” Eli looked at him quizzically. “That you dreamed, that wasn’t all.”

_ -No. It wasn’t. My mother was there.- _

Her hands fell still. Carl gulped. Eli’s mom was bad news, he’d gleaned that much. But Eli didn’t seem scared. She felt almost, resigned. Like these dreams were nothing new and maybe even welcome. He took a chance.

“What was she like? I mean, before all this?”

A ghost of a smile twitched at Eli’s lips. It was bittersweet. Carl tightened his grip on her, offering himself as an anchor as she waded through the darkest corners of her mind. 

_ -She was beautiful. Not like me at all. In a way, we were day and night. Opposites of each other even though she was half of all that I am. There was the curve of her hips and the softness of her hugs. I always felt like I could just fall asleep in her arms, nestled tight against her chest. She had long blonde hair that used to tickle my nose when I was little. Her eyes were blue. Not like your Dad’s or Daryl’s. I used to love them.- _

Carl nibbled on his lip, weighing his next words carefully. 

“What was her name?”

A heavy feeling filled Eli’s stomach. She swallowed once, hard and mouthed the word as she signed.

_ -Nora.- _

Her name was palpable. Like a ghost hovering in the air for a moment before dissolving. Once it was gone…

Eli was free. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer chapter for me. I acknowledge that I say Eli is between two bodies and then only mention Carl. But hey, it's a dream and those things are bananas. One second you're in a house the next you're on the beach. 
> 
> I hope you liked it! Writing dreams is a good time and I tried to put as much of the chaos and terror that Eli felt into what I wrote. Hopefully it came across that way and not as a jumbled mess.


	72. The Definition of Not Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of all that's happened, Daryl finds himself needing a breath of fresh air. Will Eli and Rick be able to cope with him gone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter all!
> 
> Even if you don't celebrate it, happy Sunday today the day of 4/16. Hopefully you like this chapter!
> 
> Also still no Beta, so hopefully I don't butcher things

“You’re leavin’?”

Rick’s voice was weak and dejected. Eli clung to his arm like a lifeline, her round nails digging into his skin. Daryl watched them both with obvious pain in his eyes. It killed him to see them like this. It was one thing for Rick to be worried, but Eli never acted like this. Her gaze was wide and fearful, lip lodged firmly between her teeth. If she hadn’t been gripping Rick’s arm so tight, he was sure she’d be signing non-stop. 

“I ain’t runnin’,” the hunter tried again to explain. “I just need to, to get away.”

He winced. That sounded bad too. A look at Rick cemented the guilt festering in his stomach. He looked crushed, like Daryl had just kicked his puppy right off a fucking cliff. He couldn’t risk a glance to Eli. 

“From us?” Rick’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

“No!” Daryl shook his head hard, “Just, you know me. These walls, I need to get out sometimes is all. Rick, you gotta believe me. I feel like I’m gonna crawl outta my skin.”

Eli shook her head hard in protest. Like a child, she stamped her foot hard into the floor of the nest. Daryl flinched. He waited for her to lay into her. To rip him to pieces and eviscerate him with her sharp hands and words. To leave him flayed. But her hands didn’t move from Rick. It was like she was purposely remaining silent, hiding her thoughts from them. It was clear she didn’t want him to leave, but she shouldn’t be so adamant that he stay. It had been a few days since the incident with Lydia. Sure, Daryl had spent the nights cell hopping. The first with Carol, the second with Carl and Judith. Last night he’d shown up in Beth’s doorway.

 

_ “Daryl?” Beth whispered. _

_ He had been standing outside of her cell for a good ten minutes. The blonde was sleeping, her breath calm and even. Daryl hadn’t wanted to go in. Didn’t want to wake her, disturb her slumber. But she must’ve felt him there, because now she was sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. He turned to leave. _

_ “Wait,” she called softly, “come inside.” _

_ He hesitated. Beth sighed and shuffled out of bed. Daryl stood unsure of what he really wanted. She made the decision for him when she took his hand. A shiver ran up his spine, but he didn’t pull away. Together they made their way back into her cell, crawling into her bed with covers wrapped tight around them. Being so close to someone who wasn’t his lover made his stomach turn with guilt. Beth must have sensed it.  _

_ “It’s alright. Me and Maggie used to have sleepovers when I was little. No reason I can’t do it with my big brother.” _

_ Daryl blushed at her words. It meant a lot to him that she felt the same way as he did about their relationship. Beth was everything he could have asked for in a little sister. A half-frown flicked over his face.  Not to mention that being near her didn’t make him want to throw up. It had been a rough couple of days.  _

_ “What’s the matter?” she asked, gentle and concerned. _

_ “Noth-” _

_ “If you say nothin’s the matter, I swear to god Daryl I’m gonna drag you to Daddy and get your head examined. There’s not one reason for you to be here with me instead of Rick and Eli.” _

_ The hunter gulped. As always, Beth saw straight through him. It wasn’t even so much that he didn’t want to talk about it, it was more that he was so used to saying nothing. It was a constant battle for him to open up to people that cared about him. It was about time he tried. _

_ “I’m scared,” he murmured so low he thought Beth hadn’t heard.  _

_ When her skinny arms slithered around his waist he felt tears well up in his eyes. Beth had pressed up against him, careful to keep their hips apart. He bit his lip hard to keep himself from crying. Beth held on tight. _

_ “What’re you afraid of?”  _

_ Her voice broke the silence and tension in his chest. Daryl exhaled shakily. _

_ “Dunno.” _

_ “You wanna talk about what happened?” _

_ He almost shook his head no. Beth was tired, he was exhausted. Hell, she’d been sleeping when he’d come in. It wasn’t her job to listen to him bitch about his problems in the middle of the night. But her blue eyes were so honest. She wanted to help him and he wanted to talk about it.  _

_ “It’s not, it wasn’t, I didn’t,” he took a breath. “I couldn’t move Beth.” _

_ She nodded against his neck. Daryl had tucked her under his chin, unwilling to look at her but not wanting to pull away.  _

_ “She just wouldn’t leave and I couldn’t make her. It wasn’t even that I was scared about what was gonna happen. I just, I wasn’t able to push her away. And then Eli was there and I dunno. I felt so fuckin’ dirty, like she’d caught me red-handed. I’d never ever cheat on her, not Rick either. But I know how it looked. I know what she saw.” _

_ Daryl swallowed hard. Beth hummed in the back of her throat, letting him know she was listening and waiting for him to continue. _

_ “Then Rick came in and it was ten times worse. He came over and he was so worried. But I couldn’t stand to have him touch me. I didn’t deserve it. Not after what I’d let Lydia do. The look on his face too, I swear he was heartbroken. Eli was, she was furious. I could see it in her eyes. I’ve never seen her more pissed. Not even when I fucked up last time. Beth, I can’t face ‘em. Rick looks so sad and Eli’s put up a wall. I dunno what to do but I don’t deserve them. I don’t deserve to be with them or sleep with ‘em or touch ‘em or anythin’.” _

_ “Is that how you really feel? Or is that your head tryin’ to trick your heart?” _

_ Daryl frowned. Beth’s voice was muffled but her meaning was clear.  _

_ “I don’t des-” _

_ “Did Eli hurt you?” _

_ “What? No!” he shook his head, shocked that Beth would even ask that. “She’d never hurt me on purpose.” _

_ “Did she yell at you?” _

_ Daryl bit his lip. He saw where this was headed. _

_ “Well no…” _

_ “Did she push you away from Lydia or pull her off of you?” _

_ “She pulled Lydia off.” _

_ “And did she do anything or say anything to make you think it was your fault?” _

_ “She just told me to wait.” _

_ “Wait for what?” _

_ “Rick.” _

_ Beth nodded once firmly. Daryl knew what she was getting at. Eli had been mad, but not at him. He knew that, knew it as well as he knew his own hands. But it didn’t feel that way. His traitorous mind was twisting the memory, tossing up images of her furious eyes and bloodied knuckles.  _

_ “And when Rick came, what’d he do?” Beth prompted. _

_ “He was talkin’ to me, but I couldn’t hear him. I puked. He stepped in it.” _

_ “Did he look like he was upset with you?” _

_ “He was upset-” _

_ “But was he upset with  _ you _?” Beth interrupted him.  _

_ “No.” _

_ “What’d he do next?” _

_ “He tried to hug me. Beth, I didn’t want him to touch me. I couldn’t let him, not after what I’d done to him, to him and Eli.” _

_ She ignored him, pressing on with more questions. _

_ “Did he let you go?” _

_ “Of course he did.” _

_ “Do you think maybe that’s why he looked heartbroken? You wouldn’t let him comfort you.” _

_ “No. Maybe, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, the point is that I let them down.” _

_ “You didn’t let them down Daryl.” _

_ Beth pulled away from him. Her absence left the hunter feeling cold. She didn’t go far though, only enough to sit up and drag him with her. Beth’s small hands cupped his cheeks. _

_ “This wasn’t your fault and no one is blaming you. You’ve gotta believe me Daryl. Eli and Rick, nothing short of death would make them leave you. Hell, even then I bet their ghosts would come back and haunt your ass.” _

_ Daryl frowned while huffing out a wet laugh. He didn’t want to ever think about them being dead, but Beth had a way of making him laugh, even in the worst of situations. His eyes fluttered shut, blocking out the sight of her. _

_ “Do you think maybe you’re pushing them away? I know Rick is sad. He’s never been very good at dealing with bad things happening to people he loves.” _

_ Daryl jerked back like she slapped him. Immediately Beth released his face, dropping her hands to her lap.  _

_ “What is it?” _

_ He shook his head. Beth stared him down until he caved. _

_ “Couple nights ago, Carol said Eli loved me.” _

_ “Did she say that to you?” Beth sounded surprised.  _

_ “No, to her. She came to check on me I think. I don’t know what she said, but I could hear Carol. And you think Rick loves me…” _

_ “Is that so hard to believe? Daryl, there’s plenty of people who love you.  _ I _ love you. You know that don’t you? I love you?” _

_ The hunter bit his lip. He could count on one hand the number of times someone had told him they loved him, and two of them were from Beth only moments before. Daryl didn’t believe it. He couldn’t. _

_ “Doesn’t matter. I hurt them.” _

_ “Oh Daryl,” Beth sighed and rubbed at her tired eyes. “People don’t stop loving you just because you’ve hurt them.” _

_ “They don’t-” _

_ “Listen, that’s not important right now. They aren’t here to say it and I know you won’t go and ask them. You should ask them Daryl. They miss you. I know you’ve been avoiding them, but I’ve seen them every day. Eli hardly says anything and Rick can barely muster a smile for Judith. Carl hates seein’ things like this between you three.” _

_ Daryl drew in a sharp breath. He hadn’t thought about that. Carl had come to see all three of them as his parents. He was still spending time with the boy, but things were strained. Carl never asked him to make up with Rick and Eli, but Daryl knew he wanted to. Beth was watching him. _

_ “I know it’s hard for you right now. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to push you before you’re ready. If you can’t face Rick and Eli, maybe you could do something other than just hide from them. The weather’s improving. Maybe you could go on a run with someone or out hunting.” _

_ “Won’t that make ‘em think I’m runnin’ away?” he asked, voice soft. _

_ Beth shook her head.  _

_ “I don’t think so. It might hurt a little, for all of you. But you bein’ here and avoiding them is worse than you actually out and doing something. As long as you come back, things will be okay.” _

_ “I’ll always come back.” _

 

“I’ll come back.” Daryl said at last, his mind clearing itself of Beth’s late night advice. “I swear I’ll come back.”

Rick pursed his lips and leaned back. His eyes peered right into Daryl’s soul, never once breaking eye contact.

“And you ain’t runnin?” he asked.

Daryl shook his head again. It was in his nature to flee when things got heavy like this, but he wouldn’t. Not with this, not with them. Rick nodded, seeing as much written on his face. Eli stared between them, her lips parted in disbelief. 

Three days. Three days it had been since Daryl had decided to grace her with his presence and it was to say goodbye? No. Fuck that. Her gut was churning with the implication of his choice. She was willing to give him space. To give him time. But only if she knew he was safe. Sure he could protect himself, he had for years, for decades before they’d even met. But this was different. This was Daryl going somewhere away from them. Away from  _ her _ . 

“Eli?” The hunter’s voice broke through the panic building in her skull.

Daryl stared transfixed at his lover. Her hands were holding Rick’s arm hard enough to bruise. The tips of his fingers had gone white from blood loss and Rick winced whenever she so much as breathed. But more than that, her face was what drew his gaze. She was pale, more so than normal. Her eyes were brimming with tears and there was the faintest trace of blood on her lip. She had bit it until it broke. In her panic, Eli forgot herself and tried to speak. A strangled screech ripped through her throat.

_ You can’t leave! _

Daryl may not have been able to hear her, but he knew what she said. Before he could come up with the right words to say to soothe her, she was gone. The door to the stairs slammed shut as she ran. Daryl turned to follow her, but Rick caught him first. 

“Don’t, let her go Daryl.”

The hunter made a sound half between a whine and whimper. Rick shushed him and pulled him closer. Daryl allowed it, letting himself soak up the comfort Rick was offering. The arms around him were warm, draped loosely over his shoulders. Rick sighed in relief. Three days without contact with his hunter had taken their toll. Each passing hour had been torture, Eli slowly losing composure as time progressed. 

“She hurt you.”

Daryl sounded surprised, breathless even. Rick followed his line of sight. Sure enough, the arm she’d been clinging to had the slightest shading of bruises already. Her nails had left bloody crescents in his skin. He shrugged.

“She didn’t mean to. You know she’d never intentionally hurt either of us.”

Rick brushed a kiss against Daryl’s lips. The hunter tapped their foreheads together in answer. Being with Rick was something he had been craving, but that tiny piece of guilt kept him from committing. Some time away would solve it. But Eli… he couldn’t leave her like this. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of Rick’s mouth before pulling away.

“I gotta talk to her. She’s gonna think I’m runnin’ away. I ain’t Rick, I swear.”

“I know,” he swallowed hard. “Eli, she had a rough night a couple days back. Go on and talk to her. I’ll keep her sane while you’re gone.”

Daryl worried his lip between his teeth before nodding once. He went to leave, only to be pulled back into Rick’s arms. The hunter made a startled noise in the back of his throat. Blue eyes caught him in a piercing stare.

“You come back to us, you hear me?” Rick’s fingers applied pressure to his hips. “Without you, there’s no us.”

Daryl felt his heart flutter. He hid the blush in his cheeks with a searing kiss to Rick. The ex-sheriff exhaled heavily through his nose and gave into it, if only for a moment. He ripped himself away from Daryl, hands shaking with need and gave a nod to the door.

“Go on then, go get our girl.”

Daryl slipped away, pack on his shoulder to find Eli. She was waiting at the gate, his crossbow in her hands. He approached her cautiously, half afraid that she’d shoot him to make him stay. There was a look on her face, dark and confused, like she couldn’t pinpoint which emotion she wanted to express. Eli’s lower lip trembled. Daryl breathed a sigh of relief when she rested the crossbow at her feet.

_ -Don’t go.- _

Her eyes pleaded with him, desperate for him to stay. The hunter frowned and stepped closer.

“It ain’t forever sunshine, you know that.”

She shook her head.

_ -Just, why do you have to leave?- _

“You know why,” he sighed. “I can’t, I can’t stay here right now. You know me Eli. You know that the forest calls to me. The trees, the fresh air. Bein’ cooped up in the prison makes my skin crawl.”

Eli frowned. She knew that. Daryl was wild, just this side of civilized, but more than a little bit feral. In a way, that was the difference between them. Eli could exist in almost any situation, naked and filthy in the wild or playing happy homemaker in a city. It didn’t matter to her. But Daryl, Daryl needed freedom more than he needed air. Didn’t matter how safe somewhere was, he had to get out sometimes. Be out there where everything was real. Where everything was raw. 

_ -But,- _ her hands flipped in a helpless gesture,  _ -you, I need you to stay Daryl. Please, I need you here with me.- _

It broke his heart, really it did. Eli was  _ never  _ like this. Not once had he seen her begging for anything. She never so much as asked for a meal, only took what she was given. He stepped closer still, only a couple feet from her. She fidgeted.

“What’s the matter sunshine? You ain’t like this, what’s gotten into you?”

_ -Is it because of me?- _ She signed suddenly, her eyes widening.  _ -Are you leaving because of me? I’m sorry Daryl. Please don’t leave, I’m sorry.- _

“Sunshine, there’s nothing, it ain’t anything you did or didn’t do-”

_ -Then why are you LEAVING ME!- _

Eli had stepped right into his personal space, her hands screaming at him in their sharp movements. The hunter felt his eyes burn with tears, but he wouldn’t show it. He had to be strong. This was what he had to do. He had to go, collect his thoughts, come back clean. But Eli wasn’t getting it. It wasn’t clicking in her head and he didn’t know  _ why _ . Daryl did the only thing he could think of. He fell to his knees and threw his arms around her hips. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into the hard plane of her stomach, “I’m sorry sunshine. I gotta go. You gotta let me go.”

Eli curled around him like a shield. Her arms wrapped around his head and she folded to cradle him. Daryl rubbed his face against her, trying to convey, to explain, to show how much she meant to her and that he wasn’t leaving her, not forever. She shook against him. Careful fingers curved under his chin and tilted his head to look at her.

_ -I don’t want you to go.- _

“I know, I know sunshine.”

_ -I have a bad feeling. I don’t want you to go.- _

“I know sunshine. Rick told me you had a rough night, did you have another nightmare?”

Eli was prone to them. In the months they’d been together, she’d wake up nearly every night drenched in sweat. Sometimes it was simple to get her back to sleep, but other times she’d get up and leave the nest. Daryl understood that. There were still nights he would cry out against his father’s cruel fists. But now Eli was shaking her head, saying no to his question.

_ -This was different. It wasn’t a nightmare. I don’t know what it was, but it felt so real and you, you- _ she couldn’t say it, couldn’t sign it,  _ -Please don’t leave. Not now.- _

Daryl sighed and nuzzled her one last time. He stood, pulling her tight against his chest. She curled up against him, arms pressed close between their bodies. He was gonna leave. She couldn’t stop him and part of her was ashamed for trying. Sure, her gut was churning with anxiety and her heart screamed at her to make him stay. But she wasn’t the type of person to control what their lover did or where they went. That wasn’t the type of person she wanted to be. Now it was her turn to sigh. Daryl held her at arm’s length, studying her. 

_ -You’ll come back, right?- _

“I will. Eli, you and Rick mean more than anything to me. I ain’t leavin’ forever. Not more than a few days.”

_ -And you’ll be careful?- _

“I’m always careful.”

Eli gave him an unimpressed look. Rick had told her a thing or two about Daryl’s more dangerous outings. That time Andrea nearly shot him in the head for looking like a walker… But Daryl took her glare as a good sign. She wasn’t a mess if she could scold him. He gave her a tentative smile that she returned. It didn’t reach her eyes, but she didn’t look like she was gonna lose her shit anymore. He embraced her again. 

“I’ll be back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh? Eh? we're doin a whole bunch of hurt right now with very little comfort. But never fear! There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Dunno, how long that tunnel is...


	73. The Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli's premonition becomes a reality. Who will survive the onslaught?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy!
> 
> There's a good deal of bad words and some minor gore. Nothing too gruesome

Eli awoke with a jolt. Something was wrong. She turned to Rick and shook him hard. In seconds, the man was up, eyes as wild as Eli’s and gun in hand. 

It had been three days since Daryl had left and time had been unkind. Eli was wracked with nightmares, each more gruesome than the last. They featured the death of each and every person that she cared for, bathed in an unforgiving spotlight. Rick was struggling to ease her pain. Every night that she woke with blood on her lips, he would soothe her, remind her how they were all safe. All secure within the walls of the prison.

_ -Something is wrong.- _ Eli signed desperately.

Rick scanned her face. Was this another nightmare, or reality? Her lips weren’t stained red as they usually were and the terror in her eyes was raw, frigid almost. This was real. Before she could say another word he was pulling on his boots. Eli scrambled up, tugging the poncho Daryl had left behind over her head. They stood side by side in the tall window of the nest.

The night was dark, dawn still far beyond the horizon. Rick gnawed on his lip. A hand wormed its way into his and he squeezed tight. A glance at Eli showed her full concentration on the fence. In the gloom, it was hard to make out anything at all. But  _ something _ was off.

_ -Listen.- _

Her hand moved sharp, insistent. Rick strained his ears and eyes, trying to feel what she was. It was quiet. The sounds of the outside were muffled by the sturdy walls of the guard tower but it was more than that. The silence felt weighted. Oppressive. It was the pregnant pause before all hell broke loose. Rick pressed a palm to the window, leaning in close to study the fence. Eli drew in a quick breath moments before he saw it.

“Oh my god,” he spoke low, heavy, “they’re everywhere.”

Just outside the perimeter of the prison were dozens, no, hundreds of walkers. They were gathered like a force of nature, slamming into the fence in waves. Eli was out the door before the words had even left his lips. Her go pack was strapped tightly to her back, hidden beneath the poncho. Rick scooped up his own and sprinted after her. The pair made their way across the yard, desperate to warn the others. 

“Wake up!” Rick’s voice growled deep and loud, echoing across the empty yard. “Everyone! Get up! Walkers!”

Eli was gasping now, her legs carrying her as fast as they could. Carl! Carl and Judith were in the prison! No way were they gonna be swept away by the walkers. Over her dead fucking body. Her breath caught in her throat. That was starting to look more and more likely. Rick caught up to her, fingers reaching out for her in their flight.

An explosion threw them backwards. Rick ducked and rolled with it, letting the force carry him away. Eli wasn’t so lucky. The blast threw her like a rag doll, her head smacking hard against the unforgiving earth. Her ears were ringing, eyes bleary and chest burning. For a moment, there was nothing she could do except lay stunned on the ground. Then there were fingers again. Pushing over her face, through her hair. Words were being screamed at her, but she couldn’t understand them. It felt like she was underwater. Drowning.

“-up! Get up Eli!” Rick’s voice filtered through the screeching in her ears. “We gotta go, we need to go!”

He pulled her roughly to her feet, her legs shaking violently. They needed to move, had to warn the others. Eli started to shake her head and had to stop. Her stomach rebelled hard against the movement, last night’s dinner promptly making a reappearance. Rick was by her side again in a second, dragging her upright and running for the prison.

“Wake up!” his voice cracked, throat struggling to accommodate his urgency. “We’re under attack!”

People started streaming out of the prison, guns in hand. Eli pushed Rick off, unwilling to appear weak in the face of adversity. Her eyes scanned the crowd. Where was Carl? Was he alright? Another explosion drew screams from their people. The far guard tower crumbled to rubble. Who the fuck was shooting at them? There wasn’t time for this. The walkers were straining to get in, a hole having been blown in the fence with the first wave of attack. Eli signed desperately but no one was listening. Rage grew in her gut. She pulled Rick down by the collar of his shirt until they were eye to eye.

_ -You tell them to get their go bags. You tell them right now. We can fight, but we can’t all fight. The children, sick, elderly, they need to leave. Right now.- _

Rick was struck by just how powerful and strong Eli was in this moment. It was like the beginning all over again. The calm and controlled fire that had let her pull the trigger with such dispassionate accuracy on the governor was back. There was blood oozing sluggishly down her temple from her fall. Her hair was pulled back in the fastest bun she’d been able to manage while running. She was beautiful. But her gaze threatened a world of hurt if he didn’t translate for her.

“Get your go bags! There’ll be food, water, some first-aid supplies inside. Get the kids on the bus! Those who can’t fight, go with them. We’re making a stand, right here, right now!”

Several people sprinted back towards the prison, heeding Rick’s words without question. A small figure was shoving its way to the front of the crowd. It was Carl! In one hand he clutched Judith’s carrier, her tiny body strapped in and a kevlar vest draped over the top. The other hand had a finger on the trigger of his pistol. 

“Eli, Dad!” He called out to them, a grim look on his face.

Eli rushed forwards, forgetting herself for a moment. She embraced him tightly before crouching down to Judith’s level. Pulling back the kevlar, she took stock of the toddler. Judith had wide eyes, but she was awfully quiet. It was almost like she  _ knew _ something bad was happening. She made not a sound, though her tiny fist lifted to sign.  _ -Mama E- _

_ -Hush now baby,- _ Eli answered.  _ -Carl will keep you safe.- _

Back went the kevlar and the private moment was gone. Rick was shouting out orders, trying to sort everyone out. 

“Get the kids on the bus! Carl! You take your sister-”

“I can fight Dad!” he argued, stepping closer. “I’m ready to fight!”

“No, absolutely not.”

“I’m not a kid, I can protect myself!”

“But Judith can’t!” Rick all but shouted at his son. “Who’s gonna protect her if not you?”

Carl frowned but didn’t press it further. Rick turned away for a second to address the group, but it was a second too long. The bus roared to life behind him and Eli. Both turned to stare at it in horror. Members of the group, more specifically those who had defected from Woodbury, had boarded the bus and were driving away, guilty faces framed in the windows. Tara and Michael ran after it, trying to get it to stop.

“You cowards!” Tara screamed, out of breath with tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

Michael had his gun cocked, anger painting a twisted picture over his face. From here he could shoot out a tire. If they had time, they could switch it out. They could put people who  _ deserved _ to be saved on that bus. The children, the old. People that were too sick to fight. Not a handful of adults that decided fighting for their home was too much to ask. He pulled back the hammer. 

A small hand found its way into the crease of his arm. Michael turned his furious gaze onto the person stopping him. Eli stared at him, silent as ever, more solemn than he’d known she could be.

_ -Save your bullets.- _

She turned away, not signing another word and not checking to be sure Michael wouldn’t fire on their people. He didn’t. Eli was a natural born leader, just like Rick, and people would follow her to their deaths. Rick was barking out orders, the people scattering to do as he said.

“Tara, Maggie, Glenn. Go get dressed. We’re gonna need a hell of a lot of luck to fight off those walkers. Riot suits for all of you, I need you out front when they break through the fence. Sasha, you’re our best sniper. I need you to get a clear shot on whoever is leading this attack. We don’t know who they are or what they want, but we need to be ready.”

Rick kept half an eye on Eli as he shouted. The woman was directing quite a few of their people on her own. She knew everyone’s strengths and weaknesses, she could position them where they’d be the most help.

_ -Tyreese, I need to you to take the kids and either find a way out or hide. If you hide, you better pick a place you can scatter from easily. Once the walkers get it, you might need to fight. I need you to fight this one time, please.- _

Eli’s eyes begged for the man to do as she said. But there was so much hesitance in his eyes. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to do it, even if it meant saving the children. Carol had a firm frown on her lips, stalking over to him and Eli. 

“I’ll watch him. If he won’t fight, I will.”

Eli nodded, knowing at once that the two would make a good pair. The nurturing nature of Tyreese with the protective side of Carol would keep the children safe. Carl hurried over to hand off Judith in her carrier. The baby didn’t say a word still, not even as Carl bent to kiss her tiny lips. 

“Beth, Michonne!” Rick called out for them. 

They made their way to the front, all awkwardness forgotten in the face of total destruction. They had been training side by side for months now. Michonne had pushed the young blonde to be better, to do better. They moved in sync now, knowing where the other would be long before they moved. 

“I need you two to back up Glenn’s group. They’re gonna be weighed down with that armor and if they get swarmed, they’ll go down.”

The two women nodded, rushing off to find cover. Rick glared in the direction of the herd. It’d be one thing if it was just walkers. But someone was firing on them, and whatever they were using had to be heavy artillery to take out a guard tower. His eyes widened as it hit him. Wild terror filled his blood. This wasn’t a random attack.

“They’ve got a tank!” He all but screamed out. “Once you see it, shout out its location. We won’t be able to get inside unless they open the hatch. But if we know where it is, we can avoid it and keep Sasha trained on it.”

_ -Rick call Michael.- _

Rick nodded, doing as Eli asked even as he prepared the rest of the group for battle. Carl was waiting for someone to give him something to do. Anything at all. Going with the children wasn’t something he would agree to, no matter what anyone told him to do. A hand found its way onto his shoulder. Michael leaned down to be heard over Rick’s shouting and the groans of the walkers. 

“Eli needs us.”

Sure enough, Eli was waiting for Carl to pay attention to her. Once his eyes fell on her hands, she signed rapid fire.

_ -Carl, you’re going to run off and do god knows what unless we let you fight. So you’re going to do exactly as I say, you understand me?- _

“But,” Carl was shocked, “does Dad know?”

Eli was all fire and brimstone right now. Her expression was a solid mask of business and rage. Rick was busy and she was going to make decisions right now. She loved Carl, but she’d rather give him something productive to do than see him killed because he was young and reckless. Rick would understand. 

_ -I’ll tell him. Michael, you and Carl are going to find cover and once we figure out who’s attacking, you’re going to shoot them. Until then, take out any walkers that make it inside the fence. If things go south and you two get overwhelmed, you fall back to either myself or Rick. Do not do anything to jeopardize your lives. I swear to god Carl, if you die- _

The boy threw his arms around Eli in a tight hug. Michael rolled his shoulders back, prepping himself mentally for what was to come. 

“I’m not gonna die,” Carl swore as he pulled away from Eli.

Michael nodded, “I’ll keep an eye on him. If things get too bad, we’ll fall back.”

She nodded, brushing her rough fingers over the soft skin of Carl’s cheek. She couldn’t lose him. Not now, not ever. Rick would never forgive her if she put him in harm’s way. Neither would Daryl. Eli swallowed hard at the the thought of her hunter. But Rick was talking, calling everyone to arms, and now there was the echoing sound of gunshots.

The battle had begun. 

She and Rick turned to each other once, a lingering look of promise and regret weighing heavy in their gaze. The next moment, they took off running in separate directions. Rick went high while Eli made her way to the fence line. The hole in it was being blocked by the tank, but not for long. She pulled her daggers out, plunging them over and over into the rotting skulls of the dead. If she could just kill enough of them, it might slow down the rest. God she hoped it’d slow down the rest.

Rick was desperate. He wasn’t sure where to start. They didn’t even know  _ who _ was attacking them. So far, no one had made an appearance. The tank hadn’t so much as moved forward an inch and the three black cars were dark and still. They were strange, white crosses marked on the hoods. Maybe it was a religious group? It was hard for Rick to believe that anyone out there still believed in a god. 

Movement drew his eye. The hatch was opening. 

“Everybody, hold your fire!” He called out across the yard. 

They needed to buy more time. Not all the children were hidden. He could see Carol trying round up those too scared to move. Hershel was still struggling to move those who were sick or injured. Opening fire now would bring about the death of his people. Rick couldn’t allow it. 

From the tank rose a lone figure clad in police-issued riot gear. The helmet obscured their face and muffled their voice, but they shouted out all the same.

“Who leads this group?”

Eli bared her teeth. From her position, she could see what was happening but remain hidden. The walkers groaned, their writhing bodies drawing attention away from her. She flicked her eyes to Rick. Eli hoped against all reason that he wouldn’t step up. But her lover wouldn’t hide for anything, not even to save his own life. She watched, helpless as he drew himself to full height and strode forward. 

“I do. Rick Grimes,” his face was a mask of neutrality. “Who are you?”

“You’re trespassing on government grounds. You have five minutes to leave or we’ll open fire.”

Rick couldn’t help it. His mouth dropped open in disbelief. Who the fuck did this person think they were? There was no government, no systems or checks or laws left. Hell, there were hardly  _ people _ left. 

“And who the fuck are you to ‘evict’ us?” Rick demanded, anger making him step closer. 

The stranger’s gun came up, trained on his chest. Eli’s eyes widened as she caught sight of the tiny red dot resting just over Rick’s chest. As discreetly as she could, she got his attention and signed.

_ -They’re not fucking around Rick. They have a laser trained on you. Be careful.- _

Rick gave a near imperceptible nod of his head. He understood. Now, what to do about the whole situation. 

“Tell me who you are,” he demanded. “We’ve been staying here for nearly two years now. We’ve made it our home. Who are you to take it from us?”

Off came the strangers helmet. In an instant, Eli and at least three other people had their guns aimed at the woman’s head. She was brunette, her face stern with piercing blue eyes. If the situation had been less dire, Eli would have snorted. Her eyes may be severe, but nothing could compare to the ice chilling in Rick’s stare. 

“My name is Lieutenant Dawn Lerner. I’m with the Atlanta police department. You’re trespassing on government property. We have reason to believe that you have stolen government issued weapons and medical supplies as well.”

Rick licked his lips, biting back a retort that would surely get him killed. Another step forward on his part. A bullet hit the dirt just before his feet and Eli inhaled sharply. Rick’s hands went up in a show of peace.

“Well we haven’t stolen anything. Everything we found we paid for, in more ways than one. We lost people, good people to get where we are today.”

Dawn pursed her lips. Eli took interest in the slightly taken aback look that flashed over her face. The woman flicked her eyes backwards to one of the cars for a split second. Eli saw, and understanding started to build like an anchor in her stomach. 

“Even if that were the case,” Dawn called out again, “you have no right to be here-”

“I’ve got more right than you,” Rick challenged. 

The brunette’s nostrils flared in fury. 

“Time’s ticking Mr. Grimes. You only have three minutes left to leave the premises. Believe me, I won’t hesitate.”

“That’s Sheriff Grimes to you, Lieutenant.”

Dawn’s mouth dropped open before she could stop it. While they might be from different districts, Rick outranked her as sheriff. The whole foundation of her ‘claiming’ the prison for the government was torn to shreds in seconds. She faltered. 

Eli felt hope, maybe this wouldn’t end in bloodshed. Maybe they wouldn’t need to run! A horrifying sound dashed that hope. Dread, disbelief, regret and despair rained down on her.

“Don’t you fucking dare let him get away with this!”

All eyes turned to stare in wide-eyed incredulity at none other than Lydia. The bitch herself was leaning out of the sunroof on one of the cars. Walkers reached for her and she sneered in disgust. Eli couldn’t believe that she had managed to survive after the way she’d left her. And that she’d made it all the way to another settlement was unbelievable. The ice in Rick’s eyes turned to fire. 

“Lydia,” Dawn ground out, “be silent.”

But the woman wouldn’t shut up. Eli’s gun came up again, aimed now at her fucking filthy head. Anything at all to make her never say a word again. It was only the sight of Carl that made her pause. The boy was staring at her hard from across the yard. Watching, making sure she knew that it wasn’t just her. If she pulled that trigger, she’d start a war. She swallowed and lowered the weapon.

“You came here,” Rick let out a bitter laugh, “on the word of that  _ rapist _ ?”

Dawn didn’t dare move. Things had become… complicated. But it was too late to back out now.

“One minute Rick.” 

Cold fury blinded him for what felt like hours. He paced like a caged animal in front of the tank, dancing back any time a shot fell at his feet. Hershel had rounded the corner of the prison, trying to call Rick back from the edge. 

“Do you have  _ any _ idea what that woman, that fucking  _ filth _ has done?” Rick spat. “Did she tell you what she did to get her kicked out? We were merciful, I should have killed her! And you’re on her side?”

Now Rick was reaching for his gun. Eli held her breath 

“Well let me tell you somethin’-”

“Rick, hold on a minute now. Don’t do anything rash,” Hershel cut in, “we can work things out.”

“Times up.” Dawn’s voice was deathly calm.

A shot rang out and Hershel went down. Time seemed to move in slow motion. They weren’t ready, not everyone was safe. Eli felt the stinging loss of their doctor’s death just as she heard the anguished cry from Beth. But there was no time to mourn, not even time to  _ think _ . Just to fight. 

Beth charged forward, Michonne hot on her heals. They ripped through the ocean of walkers, striking them down as they made their way towards the tank. Carl and Michael took out any dead that the women missed. They did their best to defend the people they’d come to see as family. Shots rang out from the cars. 

Down went Axel, his long blonde hair smeared with blood. 

Glenn and Tara were on the front lines when the attacking group poured out of the cars. If not for their riot gear, they’d have been killed immediately. Maggie was nearly overwhelmed by walkers. Like bowling pins they toppled over, just as she was sure she was done for. She swung around to search for her unlikely savior. The glint of a sniper rifle revealed Sasha, perched precariously on a walkway. An explosion that nearly deafened Maggie rang out, making impact only yards away from the sniper nest.

“Glenn!” Maggie screamed. 

In a moment her husband was by her side.

“Sasha, I’ve gotta go help her!”

Glenn bit back a whine and put faith in Maggie’s decision. He nodded, reaching out to rest his hand on the side of her helmet.

“Go, I’ll stay here and cover Tara.”

Maggie sprinted away, dodging walkers that had wormed their way into the yard. She had to get to Sasha, had to save her. Her footsteps faltered as she passed her father’s body. She stopped for only a second. Just long enough to plunge her knife into the back of his skull. Tears pooled in her eyes but she forced them away.

“I’m sorry Daddy.”

Another shot rang out and Oscar hit the ground hard. Rick was closest to the big man and watched in horror as he fell. He’d been hit in the throat and was choking on his own blood, drowning in it. Eli couldn’t hold back the whimper the burned its way out of her mouth when Rick fell to his knees. Their leader plunged his dagger into the base of Oscar’s skull, putting him out of his misery. Horror nearly pulled Eli under. They wouldn’t recover from this.

“Fall back!” spit flew out of Rick’s mouth as he screamed out the words. “Everybody! Get to the cars now!”

Michael dragged Carl up by the collar of his shirt, shoving the boy along in front of him. Eli had trusted him with her son. He wasn’t about to let her down. Not again. If he’d just been a little faster to find her, if he hadn’t told Lydia where Daryl was, none of this would be happening. 

“We have to go Carl,” he insisted.

Carl fought against him, his eyes wild. He was looking for someone and Michael had a sinking feeling that he knew who it was. Judith. Carl’s father had charged him with keeping the toddler safe and if he couldn’t find her… Michael pushed him hard, away from himself and towards Rick.

“Go!” he shouted at the boy, “I’ll find her. Carl, go to your dad, I’ll find Judith!”

Carl’s vision blurred with tears but he nodded. There was nothing he could do. He didn’t know where to look and he’d be trampled by the dead if he stayed. He ran towards his father, the man’s shirt painted red with blood. 

“Carl!” Rick embraced him quickly. “Where’s your sister?”

The boy shook his head.    


“Michael’s getting her, we have to wait. Dad, we can’t leave yet. We can’t leave!”

He was frantic. Rick cupped his son’s face in his hands and did his best to soothe the boy. Panic clawed at his insides like a violent beast, but he’d tame it to keep Carl safe. 

“Okay,” he licked his lips, tasting copper, “okay, we’ll wait. We can wait. Have you seen Eli?”

Carl shook his head again, fighting back his tears even more. He couldn’t lose her, he couldn’t lose anyone else. Daryl was gone, Judith was missing… he couldn’t lose Eli too. 

Halfway across the yard, the woman herself was in a fight for her life. She’d lost sight of Beth and Michonne. Tara and Glenn were falling back at Rick’s words. But Eli was stuck. The dead were pressing in from all sides and her breath came in short gasps against their crushing bodies. She was so saturated in blood and guts that they were no longer actively trying to devour her. An occasional walker would get wise and snap at her, but she dispatched them faster than they could bite. 

No one could see her, she knew that. She was at least a foot shorter than the dead surrounding her and in the chaos she’d lost sight of the group. But she could see the tank. She could see the cars and she knew,  _ knew _ , that one of them held Lydia. That bitch was gonna die. No fucking way was she gonna let her live. Eli wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. Not today. 

Suddenly a body covered in riot armor appeared in front of her. There was a split second where she thought it might be Tara or Glenn, but an ugly sneer proved her wrong. A knife plunged down towards her head and she ducked. The attacker was caught off guard, having thought she was a walker. All it took was a solid kick to their knee and down they went. She ripped off the helmet, catching a glimpse of a man’s face. Seconds later his screams were drowned out by gunfire. Eli bared her teeth, feral and threw herself at the nearest car. 

“Carl,” Rick swallowed a wet sob, “we gotta go Carl.”

The boy shook his head, tears streaming wildly down his face. Michael wasn’t back yet and they’d seen no sign of Eli anywhere. Rick had his fists wrapped in the fabric of Carl’s shirt, physically dragging him away from the prison. His son cried, raging into Rick’s sweatshirt like he’d die if he tried to hold it in. 

Rick grunted as something very solid made impact with his body. He felt something in his leg give and he let out a grunt as he went down. No time to contemplate it, where was Carl? The boy was several feet away, looking dazed with a trail of blood making its way down his temple. He was alive! Rick’s relief was short lived. A slender hand wrapped around his throat and squeezed tight. His first instinct was to tear at the fingers, make them stop, push them away. No sooner had he drawn blood, a pipe connected with his skull. 

“Shouldn’t have fucked me over Rick,” came a nasty voice from above.

Lydia slammed the pipe into his ribs now, beating him as hard as she could. Rick could barely make her out through the blood in his eyes. Carl was screaming now, words that bounced around his head but meant nothing to him. 

“Let him go!” the boy shouted.

He held a gun to Lydia’s head. She froze for a second under the pressure of the barrel. 

“Carl,” blood sprayed out of his mouth while he addressed his son. “You gotta run. You gotta get outta here. Find, find Eli.”

He was slurring his words hard and Carl’s hand shook. Lydia smirked again, tightening her grip on Rick’s throat. Tears blurred Carl’s eyes as he watched his father dying on the ground. 

Bang!

A gunshot resonated across the yard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was kind of difficult for me to write this chapter, mostly because I've never written battle scenes before. I actually wrote it twice. The first one I felt it wasn't moving fast enough to be realistic.
> 
> Hopefully I didn't fuck it up!
> 
> Glad you're all still here and I hope you enjoy!  
> ModernElectricity


	74. Daryl's Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl pulls himself from a nightmare. Or at least he thinks he has. Little does he know that the terror has only just begun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will be switching view points between characters for a little while as the group has fled and separated. 
> 
> I hope you 'enjoy' this one! It might hurt a little bit tho, so maybe not enjoy per say.

_ Laughter echoed off the trees around Daryl. He stood, crossbow clenched tightly in his sweating hands. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. The laughter felt wrong, like a wounded jackle screaming out in shrill humor. _

_ “Who’s there?” he called out.  _

_ The giggling resumed, distant now and coming from the left. Daryl chased after it. Dirt, mud, and debris slowed his path to the point that it felt like he wasn’t making any headway. A whimper clawed its way out up his throat. But he couldn’t stop. No matter how difficult it was to continue, he felt such an overwhelming  _ need _ to find the source of the laughter. It pounded louder than his heart and burned more than his lungs. And god, it fucking  _ hurt _. Like his life depending on finding the source.  _

_ A whistle sounded off, low and full of warning behind his right ear. That was the only indication he got before a walker was on him. The crossbow was gone, maybe lost in his fall, maybe it had never been there at all. Defenseless, he struck out against the beast. It oozed black rot down over his face and threatened to drown him. It groaned, needy and ugly above him. The more he struggled the more it leaned in, desperate to devour him. Daryl squeezed his eyes shut tight. _

_ “Darrrryyyyyllll,” the walker groaned again, sounding almost human to him. _

_ Surprise made him open his eyes. In an instant, he came to regret that decision. The thing above him was no long a dead and rotting walker, but a person. Rick’s face floated above him. The fluid that had been dripping down on the hunter wasn’t rotting flesh, but fresh blood. Daryl couldn’t suppress the shudder that tore through him. Rick’s head had been blown wide open. His mouth was twisted half between a smile and horror. His once beautiful blue eyes were shot through with black worms, maggots making their way down his cheeks like tears. Daryl heaved. _

_ An earsplitting titter echoed around the pair and Rick’s body above him shivered. Teeth that were much too sharp to belong on a human filled Rick’s bloody mouth. Daryl was frozen, unable to move away from his lover. Even as his mouth lowered, closer and closer to the hunter’s throat, Daryl didn’t try to buck him off. He couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t. Not Rick, not after he promised it. His eyes squeezed shut, even as his hands reached up to grip hard at his arms, giving one last plea for his life.  _

_ The shape shifted. The flesh under his hands wasn’t muscled and strong, but soft and pliant. Daryl blinked once and Lydia had replaced his lover. Something was wrong. Her hands were clawlike, tipped with talons that tore at him skin. The hands he’d rested on Rick he now used to shove at Lydia. She tore at his flesh and bone until he felt her fingers sink down inside of his very soul. Though Daryl screamed and raged and fought, no one came to save him. It was just him and his demons alone again in a fight to the death. There was no Merle to drag his ragged ass up a hill and home to safety. No Carl to patch him up and make him strong again. There was no Eli… _

_ Daryl bucked his hips hard, dislodging Lydia from him. Her fingers ripped out of his skin, tearing the flesh and leaving gaping holes in him that maggots crawled out of. But he didn’t care about that. Didn’t care about anything related to himself. That laughter, that sound. It was Eli. He was sure of it.  _

_ Daryl stumbled to his feet. The chuckling around him was shapeless, formless, but he still gave chase. Gasping, he surged after it, the sweet humming sound of joy drawing him like a magnet. But the closer he got, the louder it became. The humming turned to buzzing and the buzzing to a banging and the banging to screeching and screaming and shrieking. He reached the edge of the forest. The edge of the world. _

_ Up he looked, up and up and up to the top of a high fence wrapped in razor wire like a blanket. Like a lover. Only his lover was  _ burning _. Flesh singeing and searing, popping violently in stark contrast to the hysterical euphoria he’d heard only moments before. The prison was on fire. His home was set ablaze and lighting up the sky. _

_ “No,” he whimpered. _

_ His voice broke the image like glass shattering. The prison, the forest, the fucking  _ smell _ , all of it. The sweet, sickening smell that made his insides growl with traitorous hunger and twist with disgust was gone the moment he spoke. And now he was alone. Just him, no fire, no walls, no trees, only the black darkness of his mind. Despair weighed him down like cement blocks strapped to his feet. Daryl sunk deeper, being consumed by his own nothingness. But, was that?  _

_ A face, suddenly inches from his own. Eli stared at him with dark, soulless eyes. She stared straight through him like he wasn’t even there. Like he was an intruder in  _ her _ mind rather than the other way around. He gasped, wet and broken.  _

_ “Eli?” _

_ Daryl reached out to touch her, to hold her again. Like a ghost she disappeared. Despair and desperation tore through him until he felt her warm breath on the back of his neck. Spinning around, he was careful now to keep his filthy fucking hands to himself. Still she stared. _

_ “Eli, you shouldn’t be here,” not here, not now, not left alone in the dark with Daryl and his demons, “I thought you were at the prison. I thought you were with Rick.” _

_ Her hands didn’t move to speak but she swayed. She moved as if Daryl’s words were a wind that could blow her away. Eli’s expression didn’t change in the slightest, but the hunter could  _ feel _ the sorrow inside of her when he spoke Rick’s name. He let out a whine. Eli’s lips parted to drink in his pain, to swallow his helplessness. And then, just when he thought she’d leave again, she did the unthinkable. _

_ She spoke. _

_ “DARYL, COME FIND ME. FIND ME DARYL! COME FIND ME, DON’T LOSE ME! COME FIND ME! FIND ME! FIND ME! FIND ME!” _

_ She screamed it at him in a voice he’d never heard but knew to be hers. The sound was terrible and overlaid with the whistling Daryl had taught her all those months ago. Together, the words she spoke clashed and fell out of harmony. It hurt his head worse than any other pain he’d ever experienced. Eli’s torn throat moved with the force of her pleas and bled freely. It was like she was being ripped open all over again. The scars on her body opened again. But the words had changed. Come find me was etched deep in her flesh, the blood reaching out to be close to Daryl. Against his will, Daryl stepped back. The screaming got louder now. The words were indistinguishable and pounding hard against his skull. Pounding, beating, reverberating.  _

_ An explosion. _

He ripped himself from sleep, crossbow in hand. It was real, so real. Daryl’s chest heaved as he struggled to gather himself. The sheer amount of information racing through his head was enough to make him drown. The hunter was pulled underneath the waves of his nightmare, finger still tight on the trigger of his weapon. As his heart beat leveled out again, he relaxed fractionally. 

It wasn’t real. There was no Eli. No prison wrapped in fire and metal. No explosion. 

Just as the reassurances finished echoing in his mind, another tremor shook the earth. Daryl was up in moments. It wasn’t a dream! At least not all of it. The explosion was far off to be sure, had he not been awake he wouldn’t have even felt it. But… Daryl was far away from the prison, deep in the forest. There was a chance that it had come from home. That his people were in danger and needed him. 

A second explosion only served to solidify his worries. That was definitely from the direction of the prison. In moments, he was up, pausing only to snag his bag and running out of the decrepit cabin he’d been holed up in. Daryl sprinted towards the direction of the blast. Or at least, he thought it was. Having been inside when it had first struck made him disoriented. There were no walkers around in his desperate flight but that only served to worry him more. If they weren’t here, where were they? After hits like that, his home wouldn’t be able to hold up against a herd. 

Daryl’s legs were screaming. But they didn’t even slightly compare to the sound of Eli screaming in his head. His nightmare remained with him, images of Rick shot flashing in his mind. The prison burning. Eli’s throat torn open anew. He swallowed hard on his own bile. No, he wouldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t allow it to be true. 

A third explosion sounded off, slightly to the left. Just like his dream, he turned to chase it. Days that he hunted always left him weaker. There wasn’t the constant supply of food that he was used to. He went hungry more so than not while away, simply because he didn’t want to gorge on the prison’s provisions. None of that mattered now. He’d left everything he’d caught back in the cabin. 

Daryl’s weakness slowed him down. His body gave up long before he’d reached the prison. He’d run for two hours, nonstop and as fast as his legs would carry him. But they would go no further. Daryl fell to his knees and then straight down onto his face. The hunter sucked in dusty lungfuls of air, greedy and desperate for rest. But he couldn’t lay down, not now. Not with dawn starting to peak over the horizon. 

He was close now. Too close to pretend that the stench of burning flesh wasn’t hanging fresh in the air. It smothered him, choking his lungs with each mouthful he sucked in. Daryl was a martyr in a masochistic mindset but he couldn’t physically stomach the smell any longer. Even as his shaking hands tied a handkerchief around his face he felt guilty. Like he didn’t deserve to breathe clean air. And why should he? How could he possibly justify his need to survive when people had clearly  _ burned _ ?

Daryl stumbled under the weight. Had he not left, had he stayed, would things have been different? Eli had asked him not to leave. She’d  _ begged  _ him with his crossbow shaking in her grip to stay with them. To stay with her. But he had to fucking go because he couldn’t get out of his own head. Because he was sure he would go insane if he stayed one more day in a place where people lov-

He shook his head and cut off the thought. Nothing was certain just yet. There was no way to know who had survived. The hunter licked his cracked lips. Maybe they’d won. Maybe Daryl would get there to find Rick shouting out orders. The group would be scrambling to clean up whatever mess had come with the earth-shaking explosions he’d felt miles away. Maybe Eli would be settling the kids down, helping with the injured. Maybe Carl and Judith were okay. Maybe they’d survived.

Bitter bile burned its way up his throat. All his thoughts turned to poison and ash as the prison came into view. There was a hole torn in the fence, at least twice the size of a car. Walkers wandered aimlessly in the yard, the road filled with the beasts. Daryl bit back a horrible sob. How could anyone have survived this? 

How could they recover?

He had to know. Had to be sure. With shaking legs he made his way closer. Walkers reached for him, desperate and hungry. Tears slipped down his cheeks against his will. Again and again he put them down, he pushed forward against the ocean of dead. The more he put down, the less struggled closer. They painted his body in a terrible camouflage, disguising his scent and his pain. One got too close, teeth gnashing so close to his face that he jumped back. Rick’s icy eyes flashed before him, superimposed over the corpse. 

_ She’d have blamed herself if you got bit out here. Daryl it ain’t just you anymore.  _

Daryl bit his lip hard enough to bleed as he plunged his dagger into the walker’s skull. It wasn’t just him. God, let it not just be him. For all that he’d suffered in his life, he wouldn’t survive the loss of his lovers. Of his family. 

In a daze he walked through the gaping maw that was once the prison fence. Into the yard and into the heart of what must have been a huge battle. His chin trembled. Not a battle, a massacre. The shell casings around the perimeter of the fence and lack thereof in the yard itself was a testament to that. His people had been attacked, possibly ambushed, in the early hours of morning. 

Dawn cast heavy shadows over the bodies in the yard. He didn’t want to, but he had to check. Daryl needed to be sure that Eli, Rick, Carl, Carol, Judith, that they weren’t among the dead. If he didn’t look it would drive him mad. Haunt him to the end of his days. With trembling hands he began the terrible task. 

So many. So many corpses littered the ground that finding those he cared for was a nearly insurmountable task. As he trudged through relief crept into his gut. Every single body he’d turned over, every walking dead he passed had been rotting much longer than a few hours. Their faces were peeling with decay, black sludge oozing from their mouths and noses. He slipped through the masses like a ghost. He was there, but not. Daryl felt detached from the destruction. From the desecration of his home. 

Against his will he headed towards the nest. Would they be there? Bullet holes lined the walls of the tower in a macabre frame. Before the door he paused. Could he do it? Images of his lovers lying dead in their beds flashed in his mind. What if they hadn’t heard the attack? What if they hadn’t even had time to dress? He couldn’t do it. Not yet. Daryl’s feet pulled him away, heading towards the prison itself. He stumbled to a halt when he reached the first fresh body.

Axel’s pale blonde hair was stained red with blood. His face half of what it had once been. The hunter couldn’t find it in himself to cry. It hurt. Oh yes it hurt. But this was only the beginning and if he lost it now, who knew if he’d survive the rest. The man’s face was frozen in disbelief, one good eye wide open. Daryl bent to slide it shut. His breath shuddered in his chest. 

Keep moving. Keep moving. There would be more. God, don’t let there be any more. Axel and him had never been close. But Carol had laughed with the man, maybe even come to care for him. If he was good enough for Carol, he was good enough for Daryl. He was too good for the way he’d died. 

The next friend he found was Oscar. His throat was torn open, bite marks edging it but clearly not the cause. What a terrible fucking way to go. Daryl felt tears burning in the back of his eyes but couldn’t let them fall. He must’ve drowned in his own blood. Fucking  _ drowned _ in himself. He didn’t deserve this. No one deserved to die like this. 

“I’m sorry brother,” he whispered. 

The words were gruff, empty to his own ears. The walkers roaming near him paused to stare at him. It was time to move on before they realized he was still alive. Daryl wished himself away. Wished himself anywhere but here. Hell, even a night with his daddy would have been better than this. But he couldn’t leave. Not yet, not like this. 

It was Hershel that brought him to his knees. The old man had crumpled, a hole burned straight through his chest. Whoever had shot him had done it cleanly. The knowledge brought Daryl no comfort. Their doctor, their  _ friend _ , the father he’d always wanted was dead. His eyes were mercifully shut, but Daryl could feel his accusing stare. This was  _ his  _ fault. He shouldn’t have left. Maybe he could have saved Hershel. Axel, Oscar, maybe he could have saved everyone. If he’d been here, maybe he would have heard the tank coming and woken everyone up in time. Maybe he could have saved them. 

But he wasn’t done. Closer still to the prison he traveled. There were only four bodies he needed to not see. Only four. He might be able to recover from the loss of Carol. Of Beth or Glenn or Maggie. But he wouldn’t make it if he found his family. A flash of orange had him nearly running back towards the fence. It was small, so small he’d missed it when he’d come in, but he could see the corner of his poncho poking out of a pile of the dead.

The poncho Eli had worn.

Images of her in it dancing. Sunshine filtering through her dark hair as she and Judith twirled through the kitchen. Her with nothing else but a sly smile in the nest when it was just the two of them. 

He dug through the bodies desperately. Was she in there? Had she fallen? Every single corpse was old, maggots wiggling from their skin. Still he pressed on. Each walker had a single stab through the skull. A precise jab that he just  _ knew _ had to be Eli. A broken chuckle made its way out of his throat. Of course she’d take on so many. Of course she’d kill them with military-like precision. He could only pray to every god available that she hadn’t fallen. Eli was small, it wouldn’t take much to overwhelm her. To crush her and the dead didn’t care if they went down with their prey, only that they ate. 

Down down down, down the rabbit hole and down the pile to the bottom. When he reached the last few, a walker lunged at him. It had been trapped before his desperate unearthing of the poncho and now it could smell him. He fought against it, struggling hard to keep it at bay. Whoever it had been was unrecognizable now. Its face had been devoured but its body was preserved in riot armor. Daryl’s heart lept for an all new reason. With a sure strike, he put it down. 

The group had riot gear. They’d saved some when they’d taken out the first walkers. Please, please don’t let it be one of his. Please…

Daryl tore at the armor, ripping it off the corpse in an attempt to identify it. Finally, after what felt like hours he managed to disrobe the thing with numb fingers. It wasn’t one of theirs. The walker had brown skin but was much too small to be Tyreese. Whoever this had been was a male and someone not from here. Daryl saw red.

Over and over he stabbed the walker. This motherfucker had attacked his people. Had attacked in the dead of night and against women and children. His eyes fell on the poncho once more. This person had attacked  _ Eli _ . He was sure of it. She must’ve been trapped in the oversize cloth and shed it in an attempt to flee. And she must’ve made it because her body wasn’t here. She wasn’t here and Daryl didn’t know where to laugh or cry. 

The guilt burned brighter now. The material was stained now. Bloodied by the walkers, maybe bloodied by Eli. Daryl dragged the crusting thing over his head. He’d wear it like a fucking badge, a constant reminder of how he’d let his family down. 

Somehow he found himself moving again. His eyes were dull and as lifeless as the dead around him. His feet came to a slow stop before a truly gruesome scene. There, just so, was Judith’s carrier. Blood was spattered like a sick painting across the soft fabric. He could find no trace of the little girl that filled his days with joy. He didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to think about what this meant. Was she gone? Was she-

A cry of anguish ripped out of his mouth. Daryl howled like a beast with its leg caught in a fucking bear trap. He screamed because it  _ did _ hurt. It hurt worse than a thousand beatings, more than being shot, more than the loss of his brother and more than watching his house burn down with his godforsaken mother inside. It hurt more because this wasn’t his house, this was his goddamn  _ baby _ . 

His daughter had more than likely been torn to pieces. Her tiny body so small that she’d been devoured whole by the dead. Not a trace of her remained and it killed him. His cries drew walkers and he wanted so badly to let them get him. Daryl wanted so much to lie still beside the grave of his little girl and die with the ghost of her. 

_ You runnin’? _ Rick’s voice filtered through his head.

“Ain’t runnin’,” he whispered back.

_ Daryl, you nearly became walker food. That’s running.  _ Carol now, taunting in his mind. 

Tears ran down his face. This was running. This was giving up and lying down and just letting it all stop. Dark eyes made an appearance behind his eyelids. Eli’s dream voice pounded in his head.  _ Come find me! Don’t lose me! _

_ -You’ll come back, right?- _

Daryl’s stomach heaved against his will. The walkers were close now.

_ -I don’t want you to go.- _

“I know,” he whimpered, “I know Eli.”

Her beautiful brown eyes stared back at him behind his eyelids. She was so sincere, so earnest in her desire for him to live. Her desire for him to come back to them. The hunter stood up again and made his weary way to the nest. 

“I’ll find you,” he vowed to the empty room. “I swear I’ll come back to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn


	75. Torn pt I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol and Tyreese find themselves stuck together in the aftermath of the battle. Will they be able to set aside their differences and protect their charges?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!!!!!
> 
> For your viewing pleasure, I've got this here chapter for ya.   
> Um, some tags I guess? Minor age regression and some very slight (like one sentence long) gore

“We need to keep moving,” Carol called over her shoulder.

She was being harsh, she knew it. But desperate times… being too soft on her charges could be the difference between life and death. Carol paused, irritated that the group had stopped yet again.

“Tyreese,” her voice was sharper than it needed to be, “what’s the hold up?”

They didn’t have time for this. With the prison lost it would only be a matter of time before the walkers caught up to them. If they didn’t keep moving, they might as well have just stayed behind. Tyreese huffed his way over to her. There were tears glistening in his eyes, but he knew better than to let them fall. Carol noticed all the same and was nauseated by his display of weakness. At a time like this he needed to be strong. They’d both lost people, but it wasn’t about them. It was about the children. 

“Meeka isn’t feeling good ma’am,” a little voice saved Tyreese from having to speak.

Lizzy and her younger sister had managed to follow Carol out the prison. It helped that the older girl was infatuated with the woman, even more so after she learned  _ why _ she’d been banished from the prison. Meeka had trailed along with a half sort of reluctance. Tyreese didn’t blame her in the slightest. In order to hide the girls in their run for freedom, Carol had smeared sheets with walker guts and thrown them over their clothes. More entrails were rubbed into their exposed skin. Lizzy was handling it just fine, even going so far as to twirl a strand of tendon around her finger. Carol frowned at that. But Meeka… Meeka looked to be holding onto her stomach by the skin of her teeth. Carol crouched down to be eye level with her.

“Are you going to be sick?”

She didn’t dare answer, too afraid that she’d vomit all over Miss Carol’s boots if she opened her mouth. Instead, she resolutely shook her head no. Lizzy might make fun of her, but she wasn’t a scaredy cat. She could be brave too. Even if that meant wearing icky walker guts and walking away from the only place that she’d felt  _ safe _ since this whole mess started. The disbelieving look in Carol’s eyes made her stand up straighter, desperate not to disappoint the woman. 

“Then keep up,” the woman said curtly, “we’ve got a lot of ground to cover.”

With that she marched away. Lizzy trailed after her like a lost puppy, a sly smirk aimed back at Meeka. Tyreese sighed and scrubbed a hand through his beard.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered to the little girl, “once we’re far enough away, you can get out of those clothes and rinse off. We just have to find somewhere safe first.”

She nodded at him. Meeka liked Tyreese. He was much nicer than his sister Sasha, not that, not that she was  _ mean _ . Meeka frowned to herself. It wasn’t so much that Sasha wasn’t nice, it was more that Tyreese always made time to play with her and the other children whereas his sister was very busy. She was also a little scary. A sharp reprimand from Carol had her jumping. Tyreese smiled down at her and playfully rolled his eyes. Meeka smiled back shyly and reached for his hand.

“Where are we going?” she asked quietly.

The big man hummed thoughtfully in the back of his throat. Carol hadn’t indicated that they were headed to a particular destination, only that they needed to get away. Tyreese understood that, even respected it. That woman lead them with an iron fist through the chaos back at the prison and now on the road. He certainly couldn’t have done it.

“I don’t know,” he answered at last. “Where would you like to go?”

She looked at him for a moment in confusion. Was she supposed to decide where they were going? That was crazy, she didn’t even know where they were right now! Tyreese let out a deep chuckle and grinned down at her.

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

He was hoping to distract the little girl from how terrible their current situation was. Meeka bit her lip and thought about it. There were so many places she’d never been. Disney World, New York, Paris. That one brought the faintest hint of a smile to her lips. Her mama used to talk about Paris all the time. She’d never been, but the stories she’d tell made it seem like she had. Meeka would have liked to see it one day. But Tyreese was still waiting for an answer and while Paris sounded like a dream, that’s all it was. A dream. 

“I wanna be somewhere safe. Where there’s no walkers and everyone’s happy. I want a place where no one ever dies, and no one ever leaves.”

Meeka stared up at Tyreese with wide, soft eyes. He took a deep breath, the air shaking in his chest. That there was still someone as pure and innocent as this little girl left in the world made him feel better. 

“Me too Meeka, me too.”

They walked together in silence for a while. Lizzy was dancing ahead with Carol still. Given the amount of noise she was making, Tyreese would bet she was driving the woman crazy. Sure enough, Carol turned to the girl and said something too low to hear. Immediately, Lizzy’s demeanor changed. She stood rigid like a little soldier and didn’t say another word. Tyreese frowned at the change and Meeka squeezed his hand.

“‘M sorry we couldn’t find Sasha,” she said softly. “I wish we coulda found Judith too.”

The tears he’d been holding back slipped out. Losing his sister had hurt. When he’d seen the tank fire on her sniper’s nest, Tyreese knew she wouldn’t make it. They’d been through everything together. When he was weak, his little sister was there to make him strong. When she got too hot-headed, he was always there to bring her back down. They were a team and it felt like he’d lost a part of him with her gone. As much as it hurt to lose her, nothing could compare to Judith.

Tyreese had tried to find her. He looked everywhere for her before even trying to see if Sasha had survived. It was a blessing that he was alone when he found what was left. The baby’s carrier was abandoned, the kevlar nowhere to be found. It twisted something in Tyreese’s gut to see it. The blood spattered across the soft material of the seat… how someone could see something like that and just take the vest without a care. Without a thought. The people who’d attacked were  _ monsters _ . 

It made his blood boil in a way he was afraid to acknowledge. He’d not laid hands on anyone since his fight with Daryl and he intended to keep it that way. Any time the urge struck him, the hunter’s bruised face and defeated posture gave him pause. Meeka tugged on him, effectively pulling him from his darker thoughts. 

“Miss Carol says we gotta go,” the little girl said.

Tyreese nodded to himself. With any luck they would find somewhere to rest. Carol had them travelling away from the road. Even though most of their people were probably following the asphalt, Carol said it’d be safer her way. He thought she was being overly cautious, but the woman had insisted. At least with her around Tyreese didn’t have to worry about making the wrong decision. 

“This way,” Carol pursed her lips and squinted into the woods.

It looked like a path. Though overgrown and ignored for years, it was still there. Carol didn’t hold high hopes for where it lead, but anywhere was better than here. She wouldn’t say it, wouldn’t show it, but she was hurting. The loss of Eli had ripped at a part of her she thought had died with Sophia. The woman had managed to worm her way into Carol’s heart and make a home there. Carol had seen the walkers crushing Eli. She had seen the way she gasped for air, like the weight of their rotting bodies was suffocating her. Once her dark hair had disappeared beneath the sea of the dead, Carol knew she was lost. 

She was such a fighter. So strong and so much more capable than Sophia had been. Carol had thought it would be safe to love Eli. Safe to let her in and care about her. If anything this had been a lesson. There was absolutely no chance that Carol would ever get close to anyone again. Sure, she would fight for her people. She would keep the small group she led alive, but she wouldn’t sink into their company. Carol would live at the surface. A glance at Lizzy had her wincing.

The girl had bonded with Carol despite her ceaseless efforts to dissuade her. Lizzy was about the age that Sophia would be. Somehow that made everything worse. When she’d slipped up, called Carol ‘mom’, it had taken all of her willpower not to scoop the little girl up and hold her close. She had wanted to. But she was afraid to lose her, afraid to lose anyone. So she had pushed instead. Hard. Her words had been cutting and unkind, but she couldn’t let Lizzy get attached.

“Miss Carol,” a quiet voice drew her attention.

“What is it Meeka?”

“Will we be there soon?”

Carol bit back a crooked smile. Meeka was not strong. She wasn’t capable of fighting back like her big sister was. Where Lizzy would follow direction without question, Meeka had to know why. And even then she would only follow through if she deemed it a good enough reason.

“We don’t even know  _ where _ we’re going Meeka, God,” Lizzy rolled her eyes.

Tyreese frowned at the girl. Lizzy could be unnecessarily cruel at times. There were things about her that made his skin crawl. The soft smile she wore when two people were fighting. Or worse, the grin she’d sprouted when Carol had shot one of the attackers back at the prison. The world was a darker place now but Lizzy, she was something else altogether. 

“That’s enough,” Carol scolded the girl. “We’ll be there soon.”

Meeka’s feet were sore from too much walking and her stomach growled violently. Tyreese stared down at her in surprise. Lizzy and Carol even turned to study her. Meeka felt self-conscious and toed the ground.

“‘M just really hun-”

A much louder growl had Carol drawing her pistol. Tyreese pulled Meeka closer and Lizzy held her knife at the ready. Not ten yards from them was a walker. It was making its way over to them at an unsteady pace, not quite close enough for desperation to make it lunge forward. Carol moved slowly, hoping they were still well enough disguised by the sheets. When a second and third groan sounded to answer the first, Carol knew their position was compromised.

“Girls,” she spoke low and soft, “I want you to go with Tyreese. You follow the path and whatever you find, secure it and wait for me.”

“But Miss Carol,” Lizzy raised her voice to argue. “we can-”

A groan from just behind them had Carol shoving Lizzy to the ground. A walker swiped its arms through the space the girl had just occupied. Tyreese grabbed Meeka and prepared himself to run.

“Go, go!” Carol shouted.

Tyreese dragged Lizzy upright and started running. Tears were pouring down the older girl’s face, angry and red-cheeked. Meeka was watching with no small amount of concern, but there was nothing to be done right now. Tyreese couldn’t or wouldn’t fight the walkers and Meeka wasn’t very good at it. She had tried to listen to Miss Carol’s lessons, but Lizzy was better at it. But right now her sister wouldn’t be of any use.

“Lizzy,” Meeka tried to get her attention.

Tyreese jostled her and yanked on Lizzy’s arm, trying to make her move faster. Ahead he could see a house. It was a small cottage with a short fence surrounding it. It wouldn’t hold off a herd, but it might slow down a few walkers. He ran harder than he could remember and nearly tore Lizzy’s arm from the socket. Once they were inside the fence line he broke down the door to the cottage. 

Meeka was out of his arms in a second and stumbling to her sister. Tyreese was too busy trying to barricade the door to pay attention. Lizzy had her brows furrowed and her shoulders hunched.

“Lizzy, Lizzy calm down,” Meeka talked to her sister, putting hands on her. 

Lizzy jerked out of her grasp and mumbled to herself. She spit nonsense words and shook her head, too upset to listen to Meeka. Her younger sister grabbed her thin hips and steered her over to the window. 

“Lizzy, look at the pretty flowers. Go on, let’s count the flowers Lizzy,” Meeka’s voice was even but her hands were shaking.

It took several long, tense minutes, but Meeka calmed Lizzy down. Kind words and steady counting helped pull her out of her head. The whole while she stroked fingers through Lizzy’s blonde hair. It seemed to help, maybe it was the rhythm, maybe it was the physical contact, but it was working. Tyreese had finished the door by now and was watching the scene unfold with growing concern. 

“Okay,” Meeka was whispering now. “Let’s go get you cleaned up.”

She led her stiff sister away. Tyreese covered his mouth with his hand and trailed after them. Meeka carefully pulled away the sheet covered in walker guts. She undressed her big sister and pulled out some towels. Tyreese looked away but he knew what was happening. Inside the bathroom, the younger sister was caring for the older as if their roles were reversed. Meeka wasn’t weak, not at all. In a lot of ways, she was stronger than Lizzy. The way she handled herself spoke of years of experience, and not just since the dead started walking. Something was  _ wrong _ with Lizzy. The girl was behaving like an infant now, useless and nothing at all the like the trained killer she had been outside. 

Tyreese heard something banging on the door. His heart lept. With slow feet, he moved away from the children and back to the front of the house. He prayed to whoever was out there that it was Carol and not walkers. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to kill a walker, not even for the girls. If anything, he’d only do it as a last resort and only if the walker made it inside.

“Dammit Tyreese, let me in!”

Relief made him exhale. In moments he’d cleared a way for Carol to enter. The woman was covered in blood, flecks of it clinging to her cheeks and dripping down her chin. Tyreese gagged. 

“Oh please,” Carol rolled her eyes. “Where are the girls?”

“They’re getting cleaned up,” he answered softly.

“Were there any issues?” she asked.

Tyreese was silent. A million thoughts ran through his head. Lizzy’s breakdown, Meeka pulling her out of it. The age regression that had followed and the startling  _ normality _ of the procedure to the younger sister. On top of all the other things Carol had to worry about, did Tyreese really need to add this to list?

“Tyreese?” Carol prodded him again.

“No,” he said at last, “there were no issues.”

And if Meeka shot him a grateful look when she and her sister came out of the bathroom, Carol was none the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually have all the chapters written that I wanted to, but I've got seven so they'll be going up as I edit them. That means between today and tomorrow FYI
> 
> Yay! I love posting for you guys and I hope you'll continue reading along despite the delay!


	76. Nausea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie and Sasha search for their loved ones along with a little bit of hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter folks, next few are a bit longer. Depends on the scene, depends on the people

Sasha’s face was bruised and blood ran down her temple. The blast from the tank had thrown her hard into the chainlink fence that enclosed the walkway. It had been hours now, but her ears were still ringing. If it hadn’t been for Maggie… Sasha turned to look at her companion with concern.

“Maggie,” she started.

“Don’t,” came the firm reply. “Don’t say it.”

Sasha didn’t turn away but she didn’t press. They hadn’t found Glenn. After Sasha had been hit, she was sure that it was the end. Blood had blinded her momentarily and with her hearing out, even just temporarily, well, Sasha shuddered. It had  _ felt _ like she was dying. When Maggie had yanked her upright, shouting out wordless commands it had been an answer to her prayers. The woman was a rock. She didn’t flinch, didn’t stop even when they had to fight through packs of walkers. Sasha had clung to her.

“I know it’s hard but-”

“He’s not dead!” Maggie stopped, turning to face Sasha with wide, frantic eyes. “If Glenn were dead, I’d know it.”

“How would you know?” Sasha spoke softly, gently.

“I would feel it,” Maggie pounded her fist against the center of her chest. “If Glenn died, I would feel it right here. He’s not dead Sasha, not yet, and I’m gonna find him if it’s the last thing I do.”

They fell silent again. The road they were on wasn’t safe, but Maggie had insisted. If, no not if,  _ when  _ he left, Glenn would have taken the most direct path away from the prison. He would have known, just as Maggie knew, that in order to find each other they would need to sacrifice safety. Sasha had wanted to travel through the forest. The trees would slow down the walkers and offer cover in the event that the Grady people followed them. 

It still turned Sasha’s stomach to think about it. Tyreese had been on the council. He’d told Sasha about their ruling in regards to Lydia’s first attack. She had disagreed with the decision. Any disharmony within the prison walls was a potential risk. She’d been right. And for once in her life it pained her to know that she was always right. 

After Daryl… well they had all thought Lydia was dead. Eli was an angel but angels weren’t the cherubic creatures depicted in painting. Angels were the righteous soldiers of God. Eli in a fit of rage was more destructive than a hurricane. That she hadn’t killed Lydia was a testament to her self control. It was also a testament to her stupidity. It left a bitter taste in Sasha’s mouth that any of this had happened. If Eli had just killed her, if the council hadn’t given Lydia a second chance, so many lives could have been saved. 

Sasha hadn’t seen every life lost, but she’d seen more than enough. When Hershel went down, she knew they wouldn’t win. He had been the heart of the group, the spine that held them up when all anyone wanted to do was lay down and give up. His death had cost them the battle. Beth had charged forward in a blind rage. It was a blessing in disguise that Maggie was so focused on Glenn. If she knew what Sasha knew about Beth…

It wasn’t clear, not by a long shot, but Sasha knew in her heart that Beth was gone. Michonne had followed behind her with a look of such  _ fear _ . The swordswoman had never displayed such an emotion to the group. Never looked vulnerable. But when Beth had run forward and disappeared into the fray, Michonne had known something they did not. Sasha took it the only way she could. Beth was going to die fighting. 

Beth was going to die.

“Sasha,” Maggie’s voice interrupted her dark thoughts, thought still foggy from the blast Sasha turn to her. “Look!”

The women rushed down the road. The bus from the prison lay on its side, blood darkening the windows from the inside. Anger flared in the pit of Sasha’s stomach. Served them right, selfishness had been their downfall and every single one of them deserved it. But the way Maggie was looking at it had Sasha worried. She tilted her head and opened her mouth in disbelief. 

“Maggie, he’s not on the bus.”

The woman’s lips were pursed. She was staring at the blue vehicle with a look of the utmost concentration.

“He wasn’t on the-”

“They might have stopped!” She didn’t turn to look at Sasha. “They might have stopped to pick someone up. I have to check.”

She trudged towards the downed bus. Sasha ran after her and grabbed her arm. The way Maggie twisted around, knife in hand to face her had her backing away.

“Alright, alright Maggie,” she had her hands up in a gesture of surrender. “You wanna check, let me do it. Let me look for you.”

The younger woman shook her head no. Sasha wanted to fight, wanted to argue about it. If Maggie found someone she loved in there, if she managed to even find someone she  _ knew _ … if she found Glenn. There would be no coming back for the woman. Sasha didn’t want to think about losing Maggie. To have her breakdown after being so strong for so long would make everything so much worse. 

“It has to be me. I have to know Sasha.”

She sighed. Maggie wasn’t going to back down on this one. 

“Okay,” she said at last. “Let me help you.”

They stared at each other. Sasha tried to convey to Maggie that she was there. She was real and tangible and not going anywhere. Whatever happened, Maggie wasn’t alone. It took her several long seconds to nod once. They made their way to the bus. Groans and banging resounded through the thin sheet metal. Sasha cupped her hands together and boosted Maggie up to the side. 

“Be careful,” she whispered.

Maggie didn’t smile. She didn’t even nod. The frown on her face looked like it had been etched into stone even as she pried open the door and made her way inside.

Sasha waited. The groans inside were more desperate and sounded almost excited. Maggie didn’t make a sound. There were no grunts of effort as she plunged her knife into every walker inside. And after they were silenced, there was no sound when Maggie turned each and every one over to examine their faces. Not even after the emergency door slammed open did she say anything. Sasha took a half step towards her.

“Was, was he-”

“Glenn’s not here.”

A smile, bright as the sun spread over Maggie’s gore stained cheeks. Sasha laughed. It was forced, wet and broken, but it was real. As real as they were and as real as the relief in Maggie’s voice. Sasha grabbed her and pulled their heads together. There were tears building up in the corners of her eyes. She was almost scared to ask.

“Was Ty-,” she cleared her throat. “Did you find Tyreese?”

Maggie’s whole world shattered with her worlds. So blinded by her own desperation and grief, she hadn’t once thought of Sasha. The older woman fell to her knees as the walls she’d built around her fear crumbled. Maggie held her close.

“No, no no no Sasha. He wasn’t on the bus, he’s not here. Shh, sh, hush now, it’s alright.”

Sasha sobbed into Maggie’s riot gear. Tyreese’s decision not to fight had hurt Sasha. It cut her down to the very bone. It was like he  _ wanted _ to die. If you didn’t fight for every second that you were alive nowadays, you might as well just give up. When he’d announced that he wouldn’t lay hands on anyone, alive or dead, she’d wanted to strangle him. He was supposed to be her big brother goddamn it! It wasn’t fair that she was the one who always had to protect him. It wasn’t fair that he got to just  _ decide _ he didn’t want to fight anymore. It wasn’t fair that  _ she _ was the one who had lost  _ him _ .

“It’s not fair,” she wailed against Maggie, “It’s not fair that he’s gone and I’m here!”

There were tears in the younger woman’s eyes as well. She rode out the storm raging inside Sasha.

“I know, I know Sasha. I’m sorry, I know.”

“He deserves so much more, so much more Maggie,” she pulled back to stare watery into Maggie’s face. “He was always the best of us. Even when we were kids… He was so smart and so kind and so much  _ better _ than I ever could be.”

“No, no that’s not true-”

“You don’t understand!” Sasha pushed Maggie away. “Tyreese was always the good one. When Mom died, he was the one to take care of me and Dad. He was the one who put us first. I acted out, I was terrible, I was mean and spiteful and all he ever did was love me. No questions asked, he just, he just-”

Sobs overtook her. It wasn’t like her to get so emotional, but this was her  _ brother _ . 

“I never told him,” she sat up straight suddenly. “I never told him I loved him. Maggie, not once since this whole thing started have I told him that.”

Sasha got up, stumbling a bit. Maggie followed with arms out to catch the woman. She was drowning. Drowning in grief and in loss and regret. She couldn’t lose her, not after everything she still had left to find.

“Oh, no don’t think that Sasha, don’t think that.”

“There’s nothing to even think about! I know I didn’t say it!” the tears were back again.

Maggie threw her arms around the woman. Sasha leaned into her and bit her lip savagely to keep from crying again. Maggie was so warm and even covered in blood and guts, Sasha needed this. She needed comfort.

“He knew. He knew Sasha, I know he did.”

“How do you know?” her voice was small.

Maggie smiled, a soft and fragile smile. 

“I could see it. I saw it in the way he looked at you. The way he smiled when you’d lose your temper. The way he was  _ so _ proud of you when you mastered the sniper rifle. Tyreese loved you and he knew how much you loved him. He’s your brother, of course he knows how much you love him. And when we find him, when we get back to the people we love, we’re gonna tell ‘em. We’ll tell ‘em every day until they get sick of it. And even then we’ll keep saying it. We aren’t promised tomorrow, but we have today. That’s gotta be enough Sasha.”

The older woman drew in a steadying breath. Maggie was right. If they didn’t have hope, they didn’t have anything. To even  _ think _ that Tyreese hadn’t made it was to put another nail in his coffin. He wasn’t dead. Just as Maggie could feel in her heart that Glenn wasn’t gone, neither was Tyreese. 

“We’ll get through this,” Sasha whispered. 

Her ears hadn’t stopped ringing, in fact the sound was louder than ever, but Maggie was holding her shoulder with such a look of support that it didn’t bother her. It would take time, but they’d recover. There had to be something more for them. Somewhere they could go. God, if only they had a sign…

“Hello there!” called a voice.

Both women had their guns up and trained on the newcomer in an instant. His hands flew up in a gesture of surrender that contrasted sorely with the grin on his face. Strapped to his back was an orange hiking pack and his gun was holstered at his hip.

“Put your gun on the ground!” Maggie demanded.

The smile remained even as the man did as commanded. Sasha stalked over to him. After a cursory pat-down, she nodded to Maggie. The younger woman breathed a sigh of relief and lowered her weapon. She didn’t put it away though, she wasn’t stupid.

“Where’d you come from?” Sasha asked the newcomer. “Who are you?”

“Name’s Bob,” he replied cheerfully, “I’ve been following the tracks for some time now.”

Tracks? Both women looked down in surprise. Sure enough the debris on the road was hiding a railway. Sasha licked her lips and shook her head slightly.

“Why’re you following them?” she challenged. 

“Well,” Bob flashed a white smile at her, “I don’t have anything better to do. Besides, haven’t you seen the signs?”

Sasha’s heart skipped a beat. Signs? Maggie’s eyes widened when she caught sight of it. The woman dashed to the side of the road and tore at some vines covering a weathered piece of wood.

“Sanctuary for all, community for all,” she read aloud, disbelief coloring her voice soft, “those who arrive, survive.”

This was it. This was what they needed. 

“You can come with me,” Bob offered. “I mean, if you wanna go, we might as well join up.”

“And why should we trust you?” Sasha grit through her teeth.

Maggie was busy running back towards the bus and didn’t notice the interrogation. Bob couldn’t help but beam at the headstrong woman still aiming her gun at him. It’d been a while since he’d encountered  _ people _ . 

“How about this,” he kicked his gun towards her. “You can keep my gun, as long as you promise not to use it on me. That way you’ll have an advantage and I’ll have company.”

Sasha’s lips parted in disbelief. 

“B-but, how do you know you can trust us?” she sputtered.

Bob gave yet another infuriating smile and even winked at her.

“I’m an optimist. I mean, why choose to see the worst in people when you can hope for the best.”

There was a moment of tense silence before Sasha lost it. The woman bent double, laughter coursing through her like a flood. It bubbled up along with all the tears she’d held inside. It felt good. Here they were, struggling to hold on to the idea that the people they loved weren’t dead and along came ‘Bob’. The small, unassuming man was apparently a damn fountain of hope. It was comical the way things had worked out. 

“Well,” Maggie sidled up to the pair once more, eyes trained on Sasha, “what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”

Now a trio, they left. Left behind the bus with it’s dead occupants. Left behind the fear and the sorrow that had plagued them since they had run from their home. Left behind a path for Glenn and anyone else to follow to find them. They’d left behind a good deal. But more than that, they  _ took _ something better. The sign they found gave them the only thing they needed. 

They had found hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, Sasha isn't usually blubbery, but this is her brother guys! I love to bully my big brother and poke at his short comings, but if something were to happen to him, I'd lose it. Hell, when he had to get his appendix out I drove two hours just to see him for twenty minutes and he was so drugged he didn't even register the length I had gone to visit. Love man. Makes you do some crazy shit. 
> 
> Sibling lovin'. I love it.


	77. Lost at Sea pt I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tara carries a weight. Quite literally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny bit of humor. Tara always makes me smile. I love her

_ Blood blinded him. _

_ Glenn ran without thought, without reason or direction, just  _ away _ from all this mess. His body armor strangled him and crushed the breath from his lungs. _

_ “Maggie!” he screamed. _

_ His wife, only his wife. His love. _

_ His everything.  _

_ Where had she gone? There had been an explosion and her wild eyes piercing his. Her lips were moving but he couldn’t hear her. He couldn’t hear anything. _

_ But she wasn’t here, not now at least. The stench of decay and burning flesh made him nauseous. Please God, don’t let her be gone. The thought was a distraction that nearly brought him to his knees. Glenn stumbled over yet another body, the size and shape of it giving him such pause. Was it? No it couldn’t be, no no, it couldn’t be. _

_ “Carl?” he breathed.  _

_ His hands shook as he turned the body. No, it wasn’t him then. This someone hadn’t been human for a long time now. The face was sunken and rotting, the eyes white with exposure to an unforgiving sun. It wasn’t Carl, but it was someone’s baby. Glenn had to turn away. There was nothing he could do at this point, nothing he could say to make it better. And really it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered at all, not without Maggie. _

_ “Maggie,” he called out again, this time his voice breaking. _

_ Screaming, groaning, moaning and the sick popping of skin heated too high in fire was all he heard in answer. There was nothing. No distinguishable words were being said, no one was looking for anyone else. Was anyone even alive? Glenn fell over. _

_ His gaze went down as he did and pain radiated through his chest.  _

_ Hershel. It was Hershel. _

_ The man who’d taken him into his home and loved him like a son was dead. Oh God, not him, let him just be hurt, not dead. Glenn’s stomach turned. He had only seconds to tear off his helmet. Bile tore its way out of his mouth and onto the filthy ground.  _

_ “Hershel,” Glenn crawled closer to the man. “Oh no, no no no no, I’m sorry. Oh I’m so sorry.” _

_ His eyes were still open but Glenn couldn’t bring himself to close them. The way they stared at him, accusing and clouded in death… He didn’t deserve to hide from that. What was he supposed to tell Maggie? Hot tears poured down his cheeks. In a daze Glenn forced himself to stand and keep moving.  _

_ “Maggie,” the words sounded empty, dead, “M-Maggie? Maggie!” _

_ Not dead, please not dead, no not dead.  _

_ Was she? _

_ What if she? _

_ Maggie? _

“Maggie,” the ghost of a groan fell from Glenn’s lips. 

Tara paused at the sound of his voice. 

“Glenn?” she whispered. 

But he wasn’t awake, not yet at least. The woman sighed. She shouldn’t have let him fall asleep after they’d gotten out. The gash in his forehead was ghastly at best and there was no way he didn’t have a concussion. She knew you weren’t supposed to let someone fall asleep with one of those. She knew it, but there had been nothing she could do to keep him awake. 

When the fence came down, Tara knew they wouldn’t survive. This wasn’t a few vans crashed into one section. This hadn’t been the Governor. A fucking  _ tank _ had not only driven through one fence, but obliterated several more areas. There wasn’t a doubt in Tara’s mind that they would need to leave. But she wasn’t a coward. Everyone was fighting for their home, for their  _ family _ and she would do anything to keep them safe. Her lip curled up at the thought of the Woodbury people fleeing in their only bus. Daryl had been fixing that damn thing for weeks and as soon as they needed it, it was stolen. Tara hoped they got what was coming to them.

It hadn’t been easy to escape after the fall. Honestly Tara wouldn’t have made it if not for Glenn. The man had stayed by her side, even after Maggie had disappeared. He’d plunged his dagger into more skulls than she cared to think about. She owed him her life. Tara wiped his face with a wet rag and a frown. That debt was why she had fought to get him out alive. 

Whether the hit to the head or the shock of losing his wife, Glenn had passed out just as the battle was drawing to a close. Tara hadn’t been far, but reaching Glenn before the dead had felt like wading through quicksand. They gnawed on his legs and tore at the vest covering his chest. Tara had sprinted for him, her lungs burning with the strain. She used precious bullets to take down the walkers and protect her friend. The terror she’d felt, it made her shudder.

After that it had been a matter of finding a wheelbarrow and dragging him into it. She’d steered him away as fast as she could. It had been two days now.

“C’mon Glenn,” she murmured under her breath, “I can’t do this alone. You’re pretty heavy for such a small guy.”

Tara tried on a smile. It felt broken, wrong even. Everyone was gone, Eli, Rick, Daryl, Carl, hell, Tara even missed  _ Dorothy _ . For all that woman had put her through, she’d still loved her. Even if only for a short time. Luckily they’d been apart long enough for the pain to fade into a dull ache rather than a sharp knife. Whatever Glenn was going through was much worse.

He’d called out for Maggie on more than one occasion and it broke Tara’s heart. Even unconscious and ruined, the man longed for his wife. But worse than his cries for her was his moans for release. Glenn apologized almost constantly to unknown entities. He begged for a trade. His life for Maggie’s. His life for Hershel’s. Most recently, his life for Carl’s. That had stung. Tara couldn’t even begin to imagine the depths of Glenn’s heart. Carl wasn’t his, they weren’t even that close. But still, he would lay down his life, everything he had for the boy. 

Imagine being that selfless. 

Tara’s chest throbbed. Maybe it was the aching, constant agony she was in from the loss of her sister and niece. But maybe it was just a torn muscle from wheeling Glenn around. That thought made her almost laugh in its absurdity. To think that after everything their group had gone through, after how many people had just  _ died _ , her only ailment was a pulled muscle. But she didn’t laugh. Because it wasn’t funny.

The roar of an engine had her heart racing. 

Tara’s head whipped around to identify which direction it was coming from. Off in the distance a truck was moving towards them. If she was lucky, whoever was inside hadn’t caught sight of them yet. She steered Glenn off the road. Into the barrow went her pack, a spare gun, and several layers of branches to hide Glenn. If something were to go wrong at least no one would stumble on him. Tara schooled her features and took a deep breath.

“Hey!” she flagged down the truck speeding towards her. “Hey! Stop!”

It was stupid. It was careless and foolhardy and far too naive, but Tara was desperate. With Glenn literally as useless as a bag of rocks, she had no one. Talking at his still form had only served to make things worse. Besides, they couldn’t go on like this. Glenn would die if he didn’t wake up and Tara wouldn’t leave him. 

“Hey!” she screamed again as the truck made no indication of slowing.

It didn’t make a difference as it drew nearer to her. In a final act of defiance and desperation she ran out to the middle of the road and drew her weapon. The sound of brakes squealing made her heart skip a beat. This was it. Sink or swim, do or die. The truck came to a halt about three feet from her position. No one made to get out.

“Hey assholes!” Tara was furious. “What is  _ wrong _ with you? You almost ran me down!”

The barrel of a gun eased its way out of a window.

“Drop your weapon!” 

“Fuck you!” she answered. “How do I know you aren’t gonna kill me as soon as I do?”

“Drop your gun  _ puta _ and we’ll find out!” came a decidedly female voice.

Tara barred her teeth. No way was she gonna put down her weapon first. She might be hopelessly optimistic, but she wasn’t about to set herself up to die. The driver’s side door to the truck opened.

“Now hold on ladies, let’s all just agree to disagree.”

A huge man, tall and built like a linebacker jumped from the truck. In his mouth was an unlit cigar and on his shoulder rested a crowbar. His hair was fire-engine red and Tara couldn’t help but smirk at it. Did he dye it? Imagine going out on a run just to hunt for red hair dye. 

“What’s so funny there? Seems like a bit of precarious situation to be laughin’ at.”

Tara slowly lowered her weapon and grinned. 

“Carpet match the drapes?” she teased. 

It could have been the wrong move. It could have spelled instant death for her and eventual doom for Glenn. But she couldn’t help herself. The one thing Tara had managed to cling to since the end of the goddamn world was her humor. She’d be damned if she lost it now. Luck was on her side as the big man threw back his head to laugh. 

“Well shit, you wanna find out?”

Muffled cursing from the truck drew their attention. A slim, tan skinned woman popped out. Her hoop earrings were comically out of place beside the butt of the rifle on her shoulder. Tara let her eyes traverse her slim body, obvious  _ want _ in the gaze. The man seemed to notice and whistled low from beneath his mustache.

“Hold your horses there Rosita,” he calmed the woman, “looks ta me like she’d be more inclined to the  _ finer _ things in life, if ya catch my drift.”

The woman, Rosita, squinted at Tara for another minute. She held her breath, hoping to pass whatever test this was. Eventually Rosita lowered her gun as well and rolled her eyes. 

“You always like this?” she asked Tara.

“Yep,” completely unapologetic. “Mind if I hitch a ride?”

The big man eyed her again. He was sizing her up, trying to judge her worth, Tara knew it.

“Name’s Abraham,” he said at last. “This here’s Rosita. We got another guy in the truck by the name of Eugene. Headed to D.C., you?”

Tara shrugged.

“Not really heading anywhere in particular. Our camp was attacked and we’ve been trying to-”

“We?”

Guns were back up and trained on her chest. Tara’s hands flew up in surprise.

“Whoa, whoa guys!” she exclaimed. “Easy there, it’s just me and my friend.”

“And where’s this friend of yours?” snarled Rosita.

“Nuh uh,” Tara shook her head. “I’m not telling until I’m sure you’re not gonna kill us.”

“Girl, you’re treadin’ on thin ice. You’re not exactly in a position to be making demands.”

Abraham was staring hard at Tara. The woman gulped and hoped this would all work out.

“He’s hurt, real bad. The place we came from was attacked. It, it fell. We had to leave and it’s been two days and he hasn’t woken up and I don’t know what to do and if you touch him I swear to God I’ll kill all of you!”

Tara was out of breath and red in the face by the end of her rant. A look of surprise flashed across Abraham’s face at her words. Slowly he lowered his gun again. Rosita didn’t seem fazed though and still aimed at Tara.

“IF you’re telling the truth,” she started, “where’s this friend of yours?”

“I’ll tell you,” Tara licked her lips, “but first you need to answer some questions.”

Abraham looked slightly amused, but Rosita looked madder than ever. A voice from the truck distracted them all.

“If I might add my opinion to the matter at hand, it seems to me that we’re at a bit of a stalemate.”

“Eugene!” Rosita sounded exasperated. “I thought we told you to stay in the truck!"

Tara had to bite her tongue not to laugh out loud at ‘Eugene’. He had a mullet, a fucking  _ mullet _ . In the zombie apocalypse. It was a thing straight out of a goddamn comic book. He was pudgy and looked a little dull, though the way he was talking disproved that theory.

“The way I see it, this woman needs something from us. Now, she could have shot at the truck while we were approaching. Survival instinct. Claim what is needed to keep moving forward. But she did not attempt to commandeer our vehicle, she’s simply asked for a ride. As it were, we do have room for more passengers, albeit in the bed. She’s lowered her weapon at our request and not attempted to raise it again despite the obvious gut reaction caused when one has a gun aimed at their head from two separate directions. She’s outnumbered and outgunned, and that’s assuming there are even bullets left in her weapon. Quite frankly, this woman poses no threat to us or the mission at hand.”

Abraham sighed in a way that suggested he was used to this type of long winded speech. Tara was staring at Eugene as if he had two heads. He was staring right back, a sort of awkwardness in his gaze.

“Alright, we’ll hear you out,” the red head rubbed at his forehead as he spoke. 

“Right, uh thank you Eugene-”

“You are most welcome,” he interrupted.

“Um, anyways,” Tara stuttered out. “Our group had three questions we’d ask anyone who wanted to join us. I know I’m trying to join you guys, but, they’re not hard. It’d just be peace of mind if you’d answer.”

She looked imploring between the three people. It wasn’t like she had much of a choice in the matter. She couldn’t keep dragging Glenn around. Eventually she’d grow too weak or they’d get caught by walkers. 

“Alright, we’ll bite,” Abraham said.

Rosita groaned aloud. Tara had to curl her lips around her teeth not to laugh at the way she rolled her eyes.

“Okay, so first: how many walkers have you killed?”

“Well shit, what kinda question is that?” Abraham sounded exasperated. “I lost count a while ago. It’s been a long road there, uh, I didn’t catch your name.”

“Oh! Sorry, it’s Tara.”

“Well Tara,” Rosita answered with a sneer, “it’s gotta be somewhere in the mid fifties by now.”

“Eugene?” Tara asked pleasantly.

“I regret to inform that the number is zero. I’ve been given a very important mission that is paramount to anything that should come between me and-”

“That’s enough Eugene!” Abraham bit out. “Tara, what’s your next question.”

“How many people have you killed?”

“Hell of a thing to ask. We’re talkin’ since the end right? Not before this whole mess?”

Tara kind of stared sideways at Abraham for that question. He grinned soft at her.

“I was a sergeant in the army before this. I’ve killed a good deal of soldiers overseas.”

“Oh. Um I guess I mean since the end then.”

“Twelve,” he answered firmly. 

“Six,” was Rosita’s response.

By the helpless and ashamed look on Eugene’s face, Tara would guess that this number was a zero as well. That was okay. A little alarming, but okay. Better than being a mass murderer she supposed. 

“Why?” came her last question.

Abraham and Rosita exchanged looks. Eugene had already started to spill the beans, what could it hurt to dump the whole can? It was Abraham that answered.

“We’re on a mission to save the whole fucking world. Eugene here knows how to fix this mess. Stop the zombies and set things right again. I’ve been with him since the start. We’re headin’ up to D.C. so he can do some science shit and life can go back to normal. We’ve lost some good people, run into some bad. We don’t kill for fun or sport. Only if we absolutely need to. Nothing is more important than getting Eugene where he needs to go.”

Tara’s mouth dropped open. What? There was a cure?

“What’s the cure?” she asked excitedly.

Eugene blushed.

“I’m not at liberty to say. It’s highly classified and if I were to tell you-”

“That’s enough Eugene,” Rosita interrupted him. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.”

Tara nodded emphatically. She hadn’t meant to put him on the spot like that. Hell, if he had a way to fix everything, she’d follow them anywhere. 

“Alright. I’ll go with you guys. Only, I’m gonna need some help with my friend.”

Abraham handed Eugene his gun and trailed after Tara. She unburied Glenn and shouldered her pack. The big man whistled again. 

“You’ve been draggin’ this guy around for two days?”

“Yep,” Tara grabbed the handles of the wheelbarrow. “I’m gonna need you to help me get him in the back of the truck.”

When she went to prop him up, Glenn let out a whimper.

“Maggie,” he moaned.

Abraham looked startled.

“Thought you said your name was Tara,” the suspicion was back.

Tara rolled her eyes and manhandled Glenn into position. 

“It is. Maggie’s his wife,” she frowned. “We got separated. I was hoping we’d find her, but so far there’s been no one. I haven’t found a trace of anyone we care about since we left.”

Abraham didn’t have anything to say about that. It had to hurt, but with any luck, they’d stumble on the right person on their way to D.C.

“Well, we better get goin’. You guys need anything?”

“Water, if you have some to spare,” came Tara’s immediate response. “I’m gonna try to get him to drink it.”

Abraham gave her what she asked for and off they went. Tara stared back at the road they’d traveled on. 

“Glenn,” she whispered, “please wake up.”

Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugene is someone I've been dreading to write. The way he speaks is so difficult to translate into. Basically I just cram as many totally unnecessary words as possible into his lines and call it a day.


	78. Stranded pt I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michonne starts to dive beneath the surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still my own beta fish, one day I will go back and edit all I've posted. Just to be sure all the tiny errors are repaired
> 
> Hurt/Comfort in this chapter 
> 
> Minor Trigger warning, the word suicide is used, but not described or intended to be done.

“Beth, we need to go.”

The blonde shook her head, tears blurring her vision. Hands were pulling on her. She pushed them away and curled into herself more. She wouldn’t go. She couldn’t.

“Beth,” Michonne’s voice was more insistent now. “We need to leave now.”

The older woman had her steely gaze trained on the horde meandering around the yard. After the adrenaline had died down, Beth had fallen. She almost gave up. Michonne had rallied behind her and made her press on. But now that both groups had retreated, now that there were only the dead to kill and fight and rage against, Beth was lost. Michonne couldn’t convince her to move.

“Please, please Beth we have to go. Don’t do this,” she begged. “Please don’t do this. Not to me. You can’t, I can’t let you, don’t  _ leave _ .”

It was the absolute wreckage of Michonne’s voice that pulled Beth out. Out of her head, out of her mind, out of her fucking body. She felt ruined, but she couldn’t leave Michonne. Without a word she rose. The older woman’s hands were on her again and she shuddered. A sheet was being tugged over her head and secured around her hips. Were her fingers lingering? 

“We have to go…”

Whispers now. Words would break the silence, break the spell, break the cover they were under. Beth stared at her bloodstained hands in disbelief. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. But Michonne was hot against her side. An arm was pressing solid into the bruised flesh of her back, injured from being thrown in an explosion. They were leaving now. 

“-onna be alright Beth. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Michonne was talking again. Her voice floated around her head like vultures over the dead. Beth tried to drown her own. A broken hymn vibrated up her throat. A hum of sorrow and loss that would surely draw the attention of every walker in sight. Maybe she wanted that. Maybe she deserved it.

“ _ Beth _ ,” Michonne hissed at her. “ _ Stop it! _ ”

Immediately the hum died. Died like her daddy. Died like Oscar and Axel and probably every single other person they loved. That  _ she _ loved. Michonne didn’t love anyone. She was incapable of it. 

That was cruel.

Beth chastised herself in her own head. Stages of grief, right? There was only one person to be furious at now. Just her and Michonne. Where were they going? The blonde looked up and around, just now taking in their surroundings. They’d gone far, how long had they been walking? How had she missed it?

Somehow Michonne had managed to keep the both of them alive for what had to have been  _ hours _ . It had been dawn when they were attacked but now the sun was sinking down beneath the horizon once more. She blinked. An entire day lost? A look at her companion told the truth of their situation.

Michonne was worried. Something akin to fear was brewing in her dark eyes and her brows were furrowed close together. Beth had the inexplicable urge to reach out and smooth the wrinkles there. But maybe right now that was a bad idea. While the blonde was holding onto her composure for the moment, she was more likely to aim a punch in Michonne’s direction than soothe her worries. She let out a hysterical laugh. God what the fuck was wrong with her?

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” came Michonne’s quiet response.

Had she said that out loud? Huh. Hadn’t meant to. But while they were talking and all.

“Where are we going?”

The older woman sighed. She didn’t have an answer, or at least not one that Beth was going to like. It wasn’t as straightforward as Michonne would like. If,  _ if _ , their people had made it out of the prison alive, there was no telling where they would go. They hadn’t planned on this. Stupid, so stupid. Eli was always harping on contingency plans and go-packs. Everyone had played along to humor her, but now… God they were such fools. How would they survive this?

“Are we going to die now?”

Michonne turned incredulous to stare at Beth. The blonde was staring at nothing, thoughtful almost, like she had asked what they would have for dinner rather than if they were going to make it. Something was very wrong. Michonne opened her mouth to try and reassure Beth, but the woman beat her to it.

“Well, I guess one good thing came out of this,” her face twisted, “ _ mess _ .”

“What’s that?” 

Michonne would take anything. Any sign that the Beth they all knew and cared for was still in there. The ghost that had marched mechanically beside her for the past ten hours was no better than a walker. Maybe even worse. You didn’t have to make sure a walker was safe and hydrated after all.

“You can’t hide from me now.”

Beth gave a crooked, sloppy smile to Michonne. The older woman’s heart skipped a beat. It was true that she had been steadfastly avoiding the young blonde, but her reasons were her own. She didn’t owe anyone an explanation. But Beth was still talking, as if her first question had opened the floodgates.

“I mean, really Michonne, what if I had died?” another hysterical laugh bubbled from her lips. “People  _ died _ Michonne, and do you even care? Do you? If I died, well I bet you wouldn’t be the least bit sad. What about Daddy? Are you sad he’s gone? Are you sad our  _ home _ is gone? Do you even feel anything at all? Do you? Do you Michonne? Do you feel anything at all in your hollow fucking chest?”

Beth was shouting now, drawing the attention of nearby walkers. Michonne looked like she wanted to hurt. Wanted to lash out and strike Beth for her words and her cruelty. And Beth was looking for a fight, it was exactly what she wanted. So she pushed harder.

“I bet you’ve never loved a single person in your life,” she spat. “Not a one. It probably didn’t even sting a little bit to watch our people die. How do you live with yourself? How do you keep going? Tell me how! How? Michonne, Michonne, how do we, how do  _ I _ keep going?”

And there it was. The moment Michonne had been waiting for. Her arms encircled the younger woman and she held on tight. Beth shook against her, rage and exhaustion making her skin vibrate.

“How do I get through this?” 

Her voice was wet and muffled by Michonne’s strong chest. Tears started to pour, slow at first and then overwhelming. She was a river threatening to drown Michonne and everything around them. But they couldn't drown. Not now. 

“You get through it a day at a time. You get through it with me and once we find our people, with them.”

“What if they-”

“They’re not dead Beth. I promise you they’re not. And neither are we. Now let’s find somewhere to rest.”

The older woman buried her private doubts deep down inside. They would help neither of them. She urged them onward, through a field, under a fence, past a cemetery… They didn’t linger there. A huge house, lavish and totally bizarre sat atop a hill. The pair made their way inside.

“Where are we?” Beth asked, wide eyed and curious.

Michonne smiled softly.

“Probably some rich asshole’s mansion. God, the things we used to prioritize,” she shook her head. “I just can’t imagine it now.”

Beth gave her an answering grin. They rifled through the rooms of the house, looking for food, supplies, anything useful. Michonne went running when she heard Beth scream. With her hand on her blade, she skidded into the room. 

“Beth! Is it a walker? What’s-”

The blonde was standing behind a grand desk. Clutched in her fists was money. So much money. Hundreds and twenties flashed in her fingers where she waved them at Michonne. 

“Have you ever  _ seen _ so much money?”

Beth brought the fistfuls to her nose and inhaled heavily. Michonne burst out laughing at the sight, crossing the room to reach the blonde. Beth made a show of how much the money was doing to her. She even went so far as to moan loudly while stroking it over her neck. Michonne swallowed hard and gave her a tight smile. 

“Doesn’t do anyone any good now. All that money, nothing to spend it on.”

Beth stuck out her tongue at the woman. 

“Party pooper. I don’t need to spend it to enjoy it. You need to learn to live a little Michonne.”

The blonde took her hand and stuffed it full of cash. She rolled her eyes but accepted the gift. A mischievous smirk had Beth worried. Well, she pretended she was. Not an easy task to be sure, but she did her best to hide her grin. 

“Tag! You’re it!” Michonne flung the money at Beth and took off running.

It happened so fast that the blonde was frozen. As soon as the game clicked, she was gone. Laughter echoed through the rooms of the empty house. Together the pair breathed life back into it. When they finally gave up their game of cat and mouse, Beth was out of breath. 

“I haven’t had this much fun in ages,” she sighed contentedly. 

As soon as she said it, a frown marred her face. Michonne stepped closer to her.

“It’s okay you know,” the older woman murmured. “You’re allowed to have fun.”

Beth made a noise in the back of her throat. The slightest shake of her head and the tears were back. Not yet ready to fall, but there was a shine to her eyes that Michonne was desperate to keep at bay. 

“It’s not right,” the blonde whispered. “It’s not right that everyone else is gone. What if they’re all gone Michonne?”

She looked so young in that moment. Her gaze was wide and worried as she surveyed her companion. Her friend? Were they friends yet?

“Come on,” Michonne said, “it’s time for bed.”

Beth was troubled, but there was nothing she could say that would make it better. They weren’t dead. That had to count for  _ something _ . Michonne guided Beth down a few halls until they found a bedroom. She tucked the blonde in, still fully clothed, shoes and all. Who knew how long they’d be able to stay after all. Better to be ready for the worst than be caught with your pants down. When she turned to leave, a soft voice gave her pause.

“Will you stay with me?”

“Beth, I don’t think it’s a good-”

“Please,” she swallowed, “I just don’t want to be alone. I-I can’t be alone tonight.”

The night would bring sorrow and with it a longing for something she wouldn’t give into. Beth wasn’t actively suicidal, but after a day like today. Well. She wasn’t sure she could trust herself. Michonne read all of that in the shadows of her face and made her decision. Her sword rested against the nightstand while she climbed into the bed. It was dark now. Quiet. Still.

“Is this okay?” her voice was pitched low so as not to startle the younger woman. 

Beth nodded. They lay together in silence until the blonde shifted.

“Do you think that they’re, um, do you think anyone else made it?” 

Michonne didn’t want to answer. There were people she was sure hadn’t. After Beth’s daddy had fallen, more people started to drop. But right now the bed she shared needed hope, not despair.

“I know they did.”

“How do you know?” Beth asked in the smallest voice.

Michonne rolled on her side to face the woman. She scooted closer still, not touching but close enough to feel the heat of Michonne’s body. There was comfort there. An honest piece of evidence that Beth was not alone in this world. 

“Do you honestly think that anything in this world could kill Eli?”

Beth’s breath hitched. Her friend had been blessedly absent from her mind until now. After she’d lost sight of her in the swarm of walkers, Beth refused to think about her. If Eli was dead, if she hadn’t made it, what hope did Beth have? But Michonne was right. The woman had gone through the ringer in life. The proof lay carved forever in her skin. Despite her past and the hardships each day threw at Eli, she remained the most steadfast and optimistic person Beth could think of. 

“No,” she whispered in answer.

“No,” Michonne confirmed. “Eli’s a fighter and she wouldn’t have gone down easy. Tooth and nail, she’d claw her way out of a mountain of walkers and into battle without a scratch on her. She wouldn’t let herself fall, not after everything she’s been through. Besides, she’s got too much to live for now.”

Beth sighed, shuddering and hot. Michonne pushed closer, inches between them now.

“And Rick. You’re telling me you don’t think he made it? That man’s been leading the group since long before me, since before you even. He wouldn’t abandon them for something as permanent as death. He wouldn’t abandon  _ you _ . Not to mention his kids. I don’t think there’s anything Rick wouldn’t do for Judith and Carl. Hell, he’d cut off his own hand if he had to. You think he’d just lay down and die because of a little fight?”

A tear forced its way out of Beth’s eye. Michonne bit her lip but didn’t move to wipe it away. 

“No,” came the answer again.

“That’s right. Carol’s too smart to let herself be killed and Tyreese was with her so he'll be safe too.”

Michonne winced at her own words. Mentioning Tyreese might have been a mistake. Both women had seen when the walkway with Sasha had been hit. The explosion had rocked them. There was a very good chance that Sasha hadn’t made it. Michonne rushed on.

“And Maggie. Your sister had riot gear on, there’s no way a walker could have gotten to her. She’s good with a knife, great with a gun. She’s alive still. I know she is. I bet she and Glenn are out there right now, looking for you. They love you Beth. They love you so much.”

Beth nodded, trying so hard to believe Michonne. Maggie was her big sister, always the strong one. Always the one with a good head on her shoulders. She would have found a way to get out and stay alive. Michonne’s words brought a spark of hope to her eyes. If what she said was true, if Maggie was out there somewhere looking for Beth, then everything would be okay. The sisters hadn’t been close growing up, but Beth adored her. Once Maggie found them, she’d tell her how much she loved her. Life was too short not to anymore. Her heart clenched. But…

“What about Daryl?”

Michonne frowned a little, the dark helping to hide it. Beth and Daryl had developed an unorthodox, friendship? Relationship? Michonne wasn’t really sure what their dynamic was. In avoiding Beth, she’d also stayed away from Daryl. The hunter spent nearly as much time with Beth as he did his lovers. It was, well, Michonne didn’t know what it was really but it made her stomach twist.

“Daryl was  _ made  _ for this Beth. He’s been living in the wild since before the walkers and he wouldn’t be dragged down by this.”

“Oh but Michonne,” Beth’s voice quivered with emotion, “he was hunting. He wasn’t h-home when we were attacked. He’ll come back and when he sees, when he sees what happened… Michonne what’s he gonna think?”   


That did it. The older woman closed the distance between them. Beth let herself be pulled into Michonne’s arms. She was shushed and petted while she cried uncontrollably. 

“H-he was my  _ brother _ ,” Beth hiccuped. “I  _ loved  _ him and Michonne, Michonne things just started bein’ good for him. He’s never had a single thing go right for him until Rick and Eli and he’s  _ lost them! _ ”

Ah, so that explained it. 

“No, no no no Beth. Sh, sh, hush now,” Michonne rocked her slightly. “Don’t talk about him like you’ll never see him again. You still love him, and I bet he loves you just as much. Things will be good again, I swear it to you. Somehow we’ll find a way. We’ll find Rick and Daryl and Eli, Maggie, Glenn, Carl, Judith, everyone. We’ll find them and we’ll be stronger than ever. Beth you have to believe that. You’re strong and you’ll make it through this.”

The woman was crying so hard Michonne was afraid she’d pass out. Her attempts to soothe weren’t working and she didn’t know what to do. 

“If I don’t, if I don’t make it-”

“You’re gonna be fine Beth. It’s all gonna be okay, believe me,” Michonne interrupted pleadingly.

“No, just listen to me,” Beth was firm. “If I don’t make it, I need you to know… The time you spent with me was everything. Teaching me to fight, being my friend, all of it was more than I could have hoped for. I know everyone thought I was just a weak little girl, but you saw through that. Because of you I learned how to defend myself and the people I love. You were the one who believed in me Michonne. It, it means so much to me to have you in my life.”

The older woman didn’t know what to say. It was one thing to know someone had a crush on you, but the depth of emotion Beth was describing, Michonne had never known anyone to feel that way about her. The distance she’d tried to put between them was gone. Beth had a sort of power over her that no one else ever had. She prided herself on her independence, but the blonde was special.

“Beth,” she said at last, “you’re going to survive this, just like you’ve made it through every other obstacle. We’ll find the group, we’ll all be together again. And, and even if we don’t, even if everything that can go wrong does go wrong, you won’t be alone. I’m not gonna leave you. Not now, not ever.”

A sigh puffed warm air over her chest. Beth was calming down at last. Exhaustion from the day and too much crying was pulling her deep down into sleep. Michonne was much too wired to do anything but lay still with the blonde in her arms. Reconciling all that had happened to them was something she hadn’t had time to do. She didn’t want to do it, but she knew she needed to. 

Beth’s breath was even now, sleep having taken her at last. The older woman allowed herself to draw comfort from her form and ran long fingers through her golden hair. They’d survive this, of that she was sure. Maybe they could stay here? The perimeter had a pretty sturdy fence and the rooms had a good deal of things in them. Not precisely useful things, but they would make do. It might take a few runs to get it stocked up, but she and Beth could make it work. A sigh from her companion pulled her from her thoughts.

“ _ I love you, _ ” Beth exhaled.

Michonne did her best to remain still. Beth, loved her? How was it, how could she? It didn’t make  _ sense _ . Michonne had ignored the woman for well over a month! But people were always honest when they thought they were going to die, and Beth was a ghost trapped in skin right now. And she hadn’t said anything while both of them were awake, so maybe, maybe it was true? 

That settled it. There was no way they could stay here. Michonne didn’t know what she’d been thinking. If Beth loved her, she owed it to the woman to be true to her word. Oh yes, though it might hurt her, though it might kill them both, Michonne would search to the ends of the earth for their group. Because they weren’t just their people, they were their  _ family _ . And Beth needed her family in order to survive. Michonne would do anything to see that happen. 

She loved her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Squees* I love me some Bechonne, Meth? Micheth??? I dunno. Tiny blondie and badass boss teaming up and takin names. 
> 
> Obviously not what happened here, but still! My OTP! just kidding, that's probably Rick and Daryl, but now it is my OTT with Eli mixed in
> 
> I've rambled enough. Got myself the cold of the century kickin' my ass up and down the town. 
> 
> Peace out


	79. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli finds herself in the worst company she's ever been, her own. Will she survive solitude once more? Or succumb to the darkness of her own mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves.

Bang!

Eli jerked awake with a scream catching in her chest. Memories attacked her like vultures circling around her head. The battle, the gunfire, the shot that rang out across the yard. Her breath was short and hard. In an attempt to ground herself, she took stock. The sky was still dark, but the first tendrils of color were peeking from behind the horizon. It was time then. 

She unwound the rope securing her torso to the tree carefully. There hadn’t been a day since the fall that she’d felt safe. Checking for walkers first, she allowed her body to drop to the ground. It had been a week. Seven days since she’d last seen her family alive. Ten since she’d seen Daryl. Had they made it? Had anyone? Eli sighed.

It wouldn’t help to dwell on it. The only thing she could do was keep moving. Her search was aimless but desperate. It had been months, nearly a year since she had been this alone. It scared her a bit how easily she fell into her old habits. Sleeping in trees, rationing her dwindling supplies, avoiding highly populated areas. That last one was a habit she couldn’t quite kill. There was a good chance that her people would head to towns and cities for supplies. It wasn’t a risk Eli was willing to take. 

Her walk through the trees was silent. There were no birds, no animals, no groan of walkers. It was unnerving. The dark cast shadows in the shape of monsters reaching to get her. Eli’s breath quickened. Once she was free of the forest, she’d feel better. At least, that’s what she told herself. It was a lie that was kinder than the truth.

There hadn’t come a day when Eli felt ‘safe’, not since they’d been attacked. Images flashed through her, blinding her to the world. 

_ Rick reaching for her, fingers bloody and torn. Eli scrambled forwards, trying to catch, to grab to grip to feel to save. _

_ Save me! Rick’s eyes screamed. He couldn’t say it, no, oh no. His mouth was sewn shut in macabre fashion.  _

She slammed her palm against her temple. No, that didn’t happen. It wasn’t real and she couldn’t give into it. Such thoughts plagued her waking hours while nightmares tortured her sleep. It wasn’t fair. Tears welled up in her eyes.

_ Carl crying. His sobs ripped at her chest. Why was he crying?  _

It’s not real, Eli told herself hysterically. Don’t let it-

_ “No,” the boy moaned, “no no no, not her. Please not her.” Eli crawled closer to him. He was draped over something, God what was it? She edged nearer still. Carl howled in anguish, the sound crushing her eardrums. What was it? Who was it? Please don’t let it be… _

Hands closed on her shoulders. Eli lashed out automatically, dropping down and spinning to face the attacker. 

Only…

No one was there.

A laugh, bitter and crazed struggled up her ruined throat and screeched past her tongue. The hallucinations were becoming more frequent. Part of her feared, her m-, maybe she had it, maybe it was developing in her too. Most women develop the disease in their late twenties, but her mother had been early too. It was a fear that she held close to her heart. 

It didn’t matter. If she had it, she had it and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. The fact that she still worried about it brought small comfort. Her mother embraced it and fell victim to the voices in her head. Eli wouldn’t give in like that.

_ Whimpering. Soft sniffles of confusion and loss had her turning to find the source. Huffs of breath and cracking whines made Eli run. She sprinted through the forest with wild eyes. It sounded like a child, maybe an infant. Oh God, please no. _

_ Her legs burned and shook from the strain but she pressed on. Had to find, had to see, had to be sure it wasn’t. She skidded to a halt. There was a ditch dug with hands, spikes of sharpened wood and broken metal lining the bottom. There was a too small, too young body resting on the bottom. Blood and black ooze spattered the area. Eli fell to her knees.  _

_ Oh no. _

_ NO! _

_ A wheeze from the figure had Eli scrambling back to her feet. Not dead, Judith wasn’t dead. The baby she loved and cared for wasn’t gone just yet. She had to save her. _

_ Eli tied her rope securely to her waist, looping it between her legs. The other end wrapped around the rusted shell of a guardrail. Near a road? She was roadside? Didn’t matter. Judith needed her now.  _

_ Back to the pit she scurried, her breath broken and tears in her eyes. So small, how would she keep Judith alive? How could she keep her safe and tend her wounds? It didn’t MATTER! Eli screamed at herself in her head. She had to save her.  _

_ Down she went, closer to the spikes that she was desperate not to touch. Judith was waiting. She was waiting, she could hear her little gasps for breath and the growl of her voice. The groan and moan, the- _

Eli blinked. Her entire body froze in shock of where she was. There was a pit. There were spikes. But there was no Judith.

Fingers, rotten and sharp were stretching an inch from her eyes. When she blinked again she could swear she felt her lashes brush the nails of the walker reaching for her. Eli tried to step back and felt the unforgiving wood of a spike against her spine. Thought she wanted to, she couldn’t tear her eyes from the walker. The metal rod keeping it in place was in no danger of giving out. It penetrated through the creature’s knee and up diagonally between it’s legs. The exit wound had torn through its shoulder.

Eli had to go. Had to get out. 

Her breath was shallow as she navigated the spikes until she could reach the edge of the pit. From there, her shaking arms pulled her up and out. Once more at the surface, she let it out. Sobs pulled against her and tears made the dirt below her muddy. Eli had thought, she had really thought it was Judith. That  _ her _ baby was down in that hole and dying. But she didn’t know where Judith was.

When Eli had been on the front lines, crushed on all sides by walkers, her mind had a singular focus. Don’t give up. That meant fighting through the dead to reach the tank. If she didn’t disable it, her people would die. Her  _ family _ would die. So she’d pressed on. 

The chaos had been overwhelming. Dizzying and heady, she’d been high on adrenaline. When she pulled that trigger, when she shot that fucking woman, she thought it would be done. But killing Dawn had brought her no release. Like a hydra, three more people rose in retaliation. Eli had ducked back into the herd to hide from them. 

She couldn't see for all the blood in her eyes, couldn’t breathe from the bodies crushing against her again. She couldn’t call out for help. Her nose and mouth were drowning in ash and decay. For the first time since this mess started, Eli felt helpless. There was no one to save, nothing to do except be swept along with the tide of the dead. Screams and groans had deafened her to the point that she wished her mother had taken her hearing rather than her voice. 

Maybe taken her life.

That thought brought everything to an abrupt end. Eli couldn’t die. She wouldn’t allow it. If her life was gonna end, it was gonna be with the people she loved. It wouldn’t be alone beside a ditch with a dead body. She pulled herself to her feet and glared at the pit. Whoever had dug this had done it on purpose. With no civilization in sight, it had to be for catching walkers rather than defense. Well. She wasn’t just going to leave it there. 

Eli spent hours refilling the hole. Whoever had made it hadn’t bothered to take the dirt away. By the time she was done, night was falling again and her hands were bleeding. She had clawed at the mound. Without a shovel her hands had been the only tool available, but at last it was finished, the walker still down there but no longer a threat. Exhausted, Eli reached into her pack for something to eat. To her disappointment she came up empty. There was nothing left. She’d known that, it had been two days since she finished her supplies off. Besides, thirst was a more immediate issue. She sighed.

Despite her best efforts, she would need to find a town. Soon too judging by the fatigue that tore at her aching body. Against her will she lay down to rest. Maybe some sleep would do her some good. In the morning she would try to find supplies. 

_ “Eli?” A voice called out to her. _

_ She rolled sideways to look. Her chest heaved from the effort and dust puffed up on her lips. Someone was walking towards her, framed in the rising sun.  _

_ “C’mon now,” a man then, “ya gotta get up now.” _

_ Eli whimpered slightly and shook her head. She was curled tight in a ball now, her eyes squeezed shut to block out the sight. _

Not real. It’s not real.

_ “C’mon,” the man pleaded with her. “C’mon, get up Sunshine.” _

_ Eli’s eyes shot open wide. Daryl? Had he found her? She sat up too fast, head swimming from the movement. It was him! Her lover was crouched down and peering hard at her. His eyes were scrunched into a squint and his lips tilted down in a frown. _

_ “Ya can’t lay down here Sunshine. You’re out in the open. Hell, it only took me a minute to spot you a ways down the road.” _

_ She rolled more, onto hands and knees.  _

_ “That’s it, there’s my girl. Up ya get.” _

_ She stumbled to her feet, Daryl watching with barely concealed concern from a few feet away. Once she was upright, Eli wanted to speak. Her hands started to move only for Daryl to stop her. _

_ “Now’s not the time Sunshine. You gotta get movin’.” _

_ Eli wanted to ask why. Why did she have to keep going when no one else had to? For all she knew everyone else was dead- _

Not dead.

_ -and it wasn’t fair that she needed to keep moving. But Daryl was looking at her sternly. She rolled her lips and gave a slight nod. God why was she so tired all the sudden? And her mouth was so much drier than before. _

_ “It’s been longer than you think,” Daryl spoke as if he could read her thoughts. “You’ve been layin’ there for three days Sunshine.” _

_ Her eyes widened. Had she? The passage of time had felt like minutes, not days. How had she not died? Why didn’t Daryl wake her up sooner? If he knew she had been there for days, he must’ve been watching her. _

_ “Ya weren’t ready yet,” he answered simply. “Besides, I was hopin’ you’d get up without my help.” _

_ Eli shook her head. If Daryl hadn’t come to save her, there was no way she would have picked herself up. She licked her lips. The skin of them was cracked and bleeding. Further exploration of her face told her that the exposure to the sun had burned her quite badly. There were blisters around her cheekbones and her skin felt too tight. She needed to find a refuge, somewhere to heal and recover.  _

_ “C’mon now Sunshine, let’s get goin’.” _

_ Eli trailed along after Daryl. The man was moving at a blessedly slow pace but she still had trouble keeping up with him. Her arms hung uselessly by her sides and her feet dragged. More than once she fell down. Daryl would murmur quiet encouragement to her in those moments, urging her to press on.  _

_ Her eyes burned with the need to cry, but nothing would fall. _

_ “You’ve not had enough to drink,” Daryl spoke softly, like a ghost- _

Daryl wasn’t real. He wasn’t real. God her fucking head-

_ -“Once we reach a town you can find somethin’ to drink.” _

_ Eli shook her head and nearly vomited. She held onto her stomach by sheer force of will. If she drained herself of anymore fluids she was sure she’d die. Being conscious now was terrible. Everything hurt. More than the pain, the pull of her muscles tore at her very bones and threatened to rip her apart. Each step felt like a mile and each breath felt like fire. But Daryl didn’t leave her. He talked. He talked more than he ever had before in order to keep Eli’s ravenous mind at bay. _

_ “We’re nearly there,” he cooed at her, “if you just keep goin’ a little longer you’ll make it.” _

_ She made a noise in the back of her throat.  _

_ “Well if you hadn’t decided to take a three day nap, it wouldn’t suck this hard Sunshine. Next time you’re tired, make sure you sleep in the shade. Your sunburn’s dryin’ you out more than the lack of water.” _

_ The sun was mercifully below the horizon once more and Eli was just starting to see signs of civilization. Houses cropped up. She longed to stop and look in them, but Daryl urged her onward. _

_ “Not here, not here Sunshine. This ain’t a good spot. Too many walkers, gotta keep goin’.” _

_ Eli hung her head in shame. She hadn’t even noticed the dead. They milled about the lawns of houses long since abandoned like ornaments. Fake and terrifying versions of flamingos and garden gnomes that decorated the neighborhood. A laugh threatened its way up her throat. Daryl shot her a look suggesting that would be a bad idea. Why didn’t they react to her anyways? _

_ “You’re too close Eli. Too close to death yourself for them to even care.” _

_ Was she? She peered down at herself. Her clothes, once clean and fresh were stiff with blood and dirt. Her bones poked through her skin in a sick way, not yet terrible like before she found the prison, but not good. Eli had to look away. _

_ “Don’t think about it. Once we get ya somewhere safe you can clean up and get better. Just a little farther, there’s a house up ahead that might be clear.” _

_Eli had to believe him. After all, Daryl wouldn’t lie to her, would he? No, he wouldn’t-_  

It was a lie! He wasn’t real, he wasn’t here. No one was with her and she was-

_ -lie to her because he loved her. He might not have said it, but she was so sure. And he’d tell her too, just as soon as she got somewhere safe.  _

_ “This one, this one here Sunshine.” _

_ Eli turned bloodshot eyes towards the house in question. A low fence encircled the property, probably to hold in a dog back before. She turned, stumbling slightly, in the direction of the door. Inside now, time to go inside. There had to be water at the very least. Maybe not food, but she needed some fucking water or she’d lose it. Maybe she already had lost it. Maybe Daryl wasn’t- _

_ “Focus Sunshine!” Daryl snapped at her. _

_ She nodded, eyes forced closed as the world spun. _

_ “You’re gonna need ta fight. Can ya do that? There’s only one in there but I need you to tell me you’ll fight.” _

_ Eli whimpered again and turned pleading eyes on Daryl. Couldn’t he do it? Why did she need to do it? He looked okay, maybe a little absent, a little bit… not there. But he didn’t look as broken as she felt.  _

_ “No, this is something you need to do. You prove to me that you’re as strong as I think you are.” _

_ More burning in her eyes from unshed tears. He was being mean, but he needed to be. She knew that. Eli steeled herself for a fight and opened the front door. _

_ At first there was nothing. No sound, no groaning or shuffling. Eli thought maybe Daryl had been mistaken. But when she tripped over the welcome mat, the noise picked up. Down the hall stumbled a walker. It was big, much bigger than Eli and she so very much wanted to give up. _

_ “Don’t you fuckin’ do it Eli! You fight this fucker right now!” _

_ She sucked in a deep breath and threw herself forwards. Slamming into the monster, her inertia brought them both down. Hand reached for her and she drew her daggers. She slammed them down into its palms, plunging and pinning it to the floorboards beneath them. It stretched up against the knives, teeth gnashing and snapping at her. Eli took a minute to catch her breath. This had to be the slowest fight she’d ever been in. _

_ Her eyes looked for something to put the thing down with. But her daggers were busy and her pack was empty.  _

_ “Sunshine, there,” Daryl was standing in the corner, half shadowed in darkness. _

_ An umbrella rested against the wall and she reached for it. The walker struggled harder as she leaned away from it. The knives holding it down started to pull through its hands. At last, she clutched the umbrella. Another minute of breathing. One final deep inhale and she rose the umbrella above her head. Down went the tip, through the walkers eye and deep into its brain. She twirled it for good measure. _

_ Finally it stopped struggling and lay still. Eli collapsed, the whole of her body shaking with too much energy spent. Daryl’s face swam in her vision again. _

_ “Up now, get up,” he coaxed. “You need something to drink, don’t you?”  _

_ She nodded and stumbled upright. She made it one step before crashing back down to her knees. Daryl shushed her little whines of pain.  _

_ “Okay, that’s alright, just head to the bathroom, it’s closest.” _

_ Eli half crawled, half dragged herself down the hall towards a tile floor. She hoped it was a bathroom and then that it would have running water. Sure enough, porcelain met her inside. She couldn’t stand, didn’t even try. Daryl hovered in the doorway. She wanted him to look away. Didn’t want him to see what she was about to do. _

_ “It’s alright,” he assured her, “it’s alright now Sunshine. I’m not goin’ anywhere and you don’t have ta be ashamed with me.” _

_ A sob burst from her throat. Eli flushed the toilet once to clear three years of stagnant water from the bowl. Once more to clear what had been in the tank and then she hoisted herself up. Eli didn’t even hesitate. Her hands scooped the cool water desperately into her dry mouth. She drank and drank until the toilet started to fill itself back up. Daryl was whispering in her ear all the while. He told her how proud of her he was, how brave and strong she was. But sitting on the floor of a dusty bathroom drinking from a toilet, Eli didn’t feel strong. _

_ “That’s enough Sunshine,” Daryl warned. “Don’t drink anymore for a minute.” _

_ She ignored him, still guzzling the fluid. Daryl stepped closer with his hands out. _

_ “I’m serious Sunshine, don’t keep drinking.” _

_ Eli kicked weakly in his direction and continued. All at once she realized what he’d been warning her about. Turning away from the bowl, she spewed clear bile all over the floor. Everything she drank forced its way back out. The mess made her knees slick and hands slimy. She shook. _

_ “There there, it’s okay. I tried ta warn ya,” Daryl was back now, soothing. “Go on and drink some more, but not too much.” _

_ Eli followed his instruction, humiliated but grateful that he was so kind to her. Once finished, Daryl convinced her to climb in the tub. Eli twisted the knob for the shower and sighed when it sprayed on her. The water was cold as ice but so welcome. Her sunburned skin was soothed and the layer of grime started to wash away. The water ran black and then red until finally it went brown. That was the best she could hope for.  _

_ Now thoroughly shivering, she turned it off and climbed out. Daryl’s gaze remained on her while she peeled off her filthy clothes. She stared down at herself as if looking at someone else. Her body was sunken and streaked red and brown. Maybe one last rinse wouldn’t hurt. _

_ “Sunshine I wouldn’t-” _

_ Eli glared at Daryl. The man held his hands up in surrender.  _

_ “Well, just don’t try to stand up in there.” _

_ She begrudgingly knelt down and turned the shower back on. This time she reached for soap and shampoo. It took a long time and her body was so cold, but she cleaned up. Breaks were taken to catch her breath and rest her arms. At last she was finished and climbed out. She didn’t bother with clothes or a towel, just dragged her aching body down the hall to a bedroom.  _

_ “Don’t you wanna eat Sunshine?” Daryl whispered from the doorway.  _

_ Eli cried. She did want to eat. She wanted very much so to eat something. But she was so very tired and cold and wet and the bed was calling to her like a siren song. Daryl leaned down in front of her until they were eye to eye. _

_ “You need to eat somethin’, then I promise you can go to sleep.” _

_ Still crying, the woman turned back around and headed towards the kitchen. Skipping the fridge, she opened the doors to the cupboards. Inside were spices, something sludgy that might have been bread, and there! Just there was a can of something in the back. Eli pulled herself onto the counter and dragged it out.  _

_ Fruit cocktail. _

_ She laughed just this side of losing it. Her very first meal after her last fight with starvation. Daryl tapped a drawer from across the room _

_ “Can opener is in here Sunshine.” _

_ She slipped off the counter and headed towards him. Once the can was open she made her way back to the bedroom. Daryl followed behind her at a sedate pace.  _

_ “Eat a little and we can go to bed.” _

_ She climbed in and got under the covers. They were dusty and made her sneeze, but she was so glad to have them. Once half the can was in her stomach, she placed it on the nightstand and looked to Daryl. Sleep was calling her. But, would he still be there when she woke up? _

_ Weight settled beside her and she turned to face Daryl. He looked regretful, sad even. _

_ “No,” he spoke softly. _

_ The tears were back in Eli’s eyes. She knew he couldn’t stay. She knew it just like she knew that if she tried to touch him, she’d feel nothing. _

_ He wasn’t real. _

_ A figment of her tortured imagination given like a gift when she was ready to give up. If he hadn’t found her, if she hadn’t breathed life into his ghost, she wouldn’t have made it this far. She would have died right there beside the road. But now that she had him, she couldn’t bear to let him go.  _

_ “Oh hush now Sunshine. You knew I couldn’t stay,” he bit at his lip just like she remembered. “When you wake up, it’ll be a new day. You’ll finish your fruit and you’ll find our family. You remember them, right? Carl, Judith, Rick? They must miss you so much. I miss you so much Sunshine. You know that right?” _

_ Eli nodded and sucked in a broken breath. She missed them too, all of them. But what if she didn’t find them? What if they di- _

_ “We ain’t dead. Don’t you think that for one second. You think something as little as this would be able to tear us apart? Death can’t stop us. Nothin’ can.” _

_ She sighed. He was right. Eli would find them, she’d find their family and make everything right again. It wouldn’t be easy but she’d do it.  _

_ “There’s my girl.” _

_ Her eyelids fluttered shut. She could hear Daryl humming a soft tune, lulling her deeper into sleep. Without meaning to, Eli reached for him. Just before the world went dark, she could have sworn she felt his fingers brush hers.  _

When she woke in the light of a new day, Eli was alone. The very first thing she did was eat her fruit. Daryl had told her to. The second thing she did was cry.

Tears, hot and fat rolled down her burned face. Daryl was gone again. Just like he promised. Eli knew he hadn’t been real. She knew the moment he’d come to her back on the road. But she needed him and now that he was gone she didn’t know how to move. But his words still resounded in her head. 

The most important thing right now was to find their family.

She rose and dressed in some clothes hanging in the closet. They were too big, but that was easily remedied with a belt. Eli scoured the house for containers that could be filled with water and food that was light and easy to transport. Into her pack they went. After a light meal of crackers with more water, she was ready to face the world again. 

Down the hall, bending to take back her daggers, and out the door. Where should she start looking? Well, that was an easy answer. 

Eli scoured all of the houses in the neighborhood. While she found no people, she did find some valuable supplies. Bandaids, aspirin, rubbing alcohol. By the time she reached the last four houses, she had a second pack filled. Tired, she picked the house on the left.

Inside was eerily quiet. The cupboards were thrown open and in disarray from someone. Her heart skipped a beat. It was either friend or foe, but it was someone very much alive. Or at least they were. Eli banged on a wall hard to check. 

Almost immediately she heard groaning and struggling from up the stairs. Her stomach dropped. Whoever it had been must have died. All the same, she headed up to be sure and loot some more. 

Around the corner she saw something that had her running. Her feet carried her out the door like the devil was on her heals. She sprinted towards the nearest house and peered through the window. Her heart pounded hard when she saw no signs of life inside. On to the next house. Still nothing. 

Walking up the front steps to the final house Eli paused to take a breath. She was sure, so sure of what she’d seen. This had to be it. 

Up the stairs of the first house and around the corner had been a door. Behind it was a walker, scratching and moaning for freedom. But she hadn’t even noticed because of what was  _ on _ the door. There, written clear as day was a note. 

Walker inside

Got my shoe

Didn’t get me

Eli stepped closer to the front door of the final house. Inside she saw a flicker of movement. A wet grin spread over her face and she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. After all, she knew who was in this house. She raised her fist to knock on the door.

The writing had been Carl’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorrrrrryyyyyyyy! There's so much sadness, and so much pain and crying and no fun in the last few chapters. But I mean really, how could anyone be happy after the people they love have been torn from them?? 
> 
> I dunno man, sad shit.
> 
> I've got two more written for ya'll. It was supposed to be one but it was so freakin' long I had to break it down. Some people are into super long chapters but for me, it's hard to keep my place. That's why I hit enter so much. Breaks things up so the eye can follow easier.


	80. Broken pt I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl is reeling from the aftermath of what happened at the prison. His emotions will test his self control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mooooooreeee for you

“Carl,” Rick gasped out his name. “W-wait, Carl.”

The boy pressed onward, too afraid to turn around and face his father. Rick limped along behind him with his arm held close to his chest. Carl wasn’t afraid of  _ him _ . Oh no, he was afraid that if he turned around to look at Rick he’d lose it. His face was a careful mask of determined indifference while inside he was reeling. 

“Carl,” his voice broke over his son’s name. “Pl-please!”

That did it. Carl spun around and stalked back towards his father. Rick looked halfway to dead and beaten into submission. It was a terrible sight. The very way he  _ stood _ had Carl biting back bile. He looked defeated, leaning heavily to one side with his head lolling limply on his shoulder. Blood was oozing sluggishly down his head. There was a even a thick trail soaked through his shirt and running down his pant leg. Carl’s stomach turned. 

“What, what is it Dad?” he spat out.

Rick gasped, from the weight shift his body underwent or the pain of Carl’s words he didn’t know. But now that he had his son’s undivided attention, he wasn’t so sure he wanted it. There was murder in the boy’s eyes. 

“Could ya juss wait a minute?” his words were slurred almost beyond recognition. 

“No!” Carl exploded. “No we can’t wait just a minute! We have to keep moving and find the group. We have to find Eli and Judith and Daryl too!”

Rick had tears running down his bloodied face. Carl sneered at him. Weak, so much weakness. Without another word he turned and carried on. His pace didn’t slow and Rick had to stumble after him or be left behind. The boy's behavior was something he hadn't experienced before but their were hints. Moments in time where the fury in Carl's chest left him acting cold, indifferent and almost  _violent_ with his words. Rick was powerless to pull him from his head. 

They walked for a day without stopping. Rick couldn’t bring himself to ask for another break, not with Carl as furious as he was. Besides, did he even deserve one? After all he’d let the group down. Because of him and his stupid arrogance, Hershel was dead. Axel and Oscar and who knows how many others were  _ dead _ . He had blood on his hands that would never wash off. 

When Carl finally decided that they would stop for the night, he headed straight for the trees. Rick limped after him. Carl was standing before a thick tree with his hands on his hips. A million thoughts flew threw his head while he looked up at its branches, but there was one that had him frustrated. Rick moved closer. The glare aimed at him had him stumbling. 

“Carl?”

He was tentative. The boy stomped over to his father and manhandled his pack off. Rick nearly screamed in agony from the rough treatment, a whimper escaping against his will. There was the slightest flicker of apology in Carl’s eyes. He was angry, but the goal wasn’t to cause Rick more pain. In fact, the quick removal of the bag had been more of a mercy. If he had tried to untangle his father’s broken and beaten limbs out of it, the pain would have been prolonged. At least this way it hurt all at once and was done. 

“What’re you, Carl,” Rick panted, “what’re you doing?”

Carl didn’t answer him. Rifling through his pack and Rick’s, he extracted three lengths of rope. After tying them together and throwing two ends over tree branches, he beckoned his father near. The third hung down loose, tied tight between the other two. Rick did as he was told, too exhausted to fight. Carl bit his lip. This was gonna hurt a whole hell of a lot. 

“Here,” he said, pulling his belt from his pants, “put this in your mouth and bite down.”   


Rick felt anxiety mounting in his stomach. What was Carl intending? His son looped the loose ends of the rope between and around Rick’s legs and wrapped the excess around his waist.

“Carl?” Rick whispered.

There was fear in his eyes. Carl steadfastly ignored it in favor of getting this done as quickly and quietly as possible. It wouldn’t be easy, not with how much bigger Rick was than himself, but it was necessary. 

“Bite down Dad.”

Rick took a deep breath and bit down on his son’s belt. His back was resting against the trunk of the tree, bark sharp against his bruised skin. Carl grabbed the third rope. Rick’s breathing sped up but he nodded for the boy to continue all the same. As fast and as hard as he could, Carl started to reel in the rope. He put all of his body weight into it. Despite his best efforts, it still took ten sweaty minutes to pull Rick up to the appropriate height. Panting, he called up to his father.

“Gr-grab that branch and pull yourself onto it.”

Rick was in  _ agony _ . His back was on fire and his legs shaking. Where his shoulder had hurt to move before, it now throbbed angry and violent while still. If not for the belt he would be screaming his head off. With difficulty he pulled himself onto the branch. Carl lay on the ground for a minute, catching his breath and waiting for the sweat to dry on his palms. 

“Carl, Carl,” Rick’s mouth was dry.

The boy waved a tired hand in his direction. Now wasn’t the time for Rick to be worried about him. Once he’d caught his breath, Carl strapped both packs to himself and clambered up the tree. There were a few lower hanging branches that he managed to swing on after a few jumps. Eli would have been proud.

A shudder ran through him at the thought. She would  _ be _ proud. Once he told her when he found her. She wasn’t dead. He had to believe that she wasn’t dead. Rick’s groans snapped him out of that train of thought. Carl leaned over and disentangled his father’s legs. Unfortunately it looked like Rick might drop out of the tree at any second. Carl had hoped he wouldn’t need to strap him to the tree, but it seemed like it would be necessary. 

Rick muffled another scream when he felt the rope being tied around his broken ribs. He couldn’t look, couldn’t open his eyes to see Carl’s face. Not with the tears blinding him. A water bottle was shoved into his hands along with a pack of soft crackers. Rick’s hands shook too much to open either. 

“I-I can’t do it Carl,” the man sobbed. “I can’t do it.”

Carl didn’t say a word. With ease he opened both and held them in alternating intervals to his father’s lips. At the very least Rick’s jaw was fractured. Tears streamed constantly while he tried to chew his crackers. It was difficult to see Rick this way. Carl had never seen him as anything other than strong and fearless. Sure, there had been that time after Lori where he’d been half insane, but even then it hadn’t been like this. This was new. 

At last, his father slipped into unconsciousness. Carl found sleep evading him. Deep in the depths of his heart he was too furious. He was angry that they’d been attacked. Angry that they hadn’t won, angry about the senseless death and loss of their group. He was angry that Eli wasn’t with them. Angry that Daryl had left despite Eli’s begging. 

Oh yes, he’d seen. He’d seen with his heart in his throat as Eli leveled Daryl’s own weapon at him. He watched her hands fly and watched as Daryl fell to his knees before her. Whatever she’d said hadn’t been enough to make him stay. So maybe he was mad at Eli too.

But that wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t Eli’s fault or Daryl’s fault that they’d been attacked. And maybe Daryl wouldn’t have even been able to turn the tide. Maybe he would have been a casualty just like Hershel. Carl shuddered.

It didn’t matter. Not right now at least. Carl kept watch all night long, too worried that Rick’s body would draw attention from walkers that might be nearby. The man was still dripping blood. It was slower now, but that was maybe worse. It could mean he was healing or that he was bleeding to death. Carl couldn’t do a damn thing about it though. Not until the sun rose again and they got out of this stupid tree.

So he waited out the night. There were no walkers, no people, no animals. Nothing. And when the sky broke at last, he woke Rick.

“Dad,” Carl nudged him with his foot. “Dad, c’mon it’s time to go.”

Rick’s breathing was ragged at best. His eyes were still shut tight against the world. Carl felt pity and worry start to sink their teeth into his veins and rebelled. He wouldn’t be dragged down. Not now. Anger burned it all away in an instant. With rough hands he unwound his father from the tree and dumped water over his face and into his mouth. Rick came to coughing and sputtering.

“Carl?” he slurred.

His son had pursed lips and sharp eyes. Rick’s were bloodshot and hazy. Carl sighed and threw their packs to the ground. He jumped down first.

“You’re gonna have to jump down Dad.”

Rick shook his head, the excessive movement making his vision swim. He couldn’t jump down. There was no way he’d land right with how broken his body was. But Carl was staring up at him with so much disappointment. He couldn’t very well stay. It would take weeks to heal and a tree was not the place to be. 

“Grab onto the branch and swing your body around,” Carl instructed.

Rick whimpered.

“Carl I don’t think I can. M-my arm-”   


“You have to.”

His son was firm and his tone unforgiving. Rick whined low in his throat but moved to do as told. His good arm was wrapped firmly around the tree branch, the other still held tightly to his chest. With no small amount of difficulty he swung both legs over the side. He hung precariously for several frozen seconds before his weight gave out. His arm released and down he went. 

There was nothing good about how he landed. First one leg, unfortunately the bad one, and then the other hit. He crumpled like a puppet with cut strings. Carl was by his side before he could draw a breath. Immediately his son’s fist was pressed against his teeth to muffle the absolutely wrecked shriek he gave out. Carl bore it even as Rick’s teeth broke skin and clamped down. 

It seemed his efforts hadn’t been enough. Walkers were stumbling through the trees. Still a ways off, but drawing nearer with each passing second.

“Get up,” Carl spoke low. “Dad get up, we gotta go. There’s walkers.”

Rick struggled to sit up, trying his best to do as Carl said. The boy took pity on him. It was a combined effort to get him on his feet but they did it. Rick clung to his son like a lifeline. Carl was moving much too fast for Rick, but his grip was sure as he all but dragged his father away from the treeline. They needed to find shelter and soon or Rick wouldn’t make it. The thought of losing his last parent made Carl panic. He moved forward without care or concern for his father’s condition. 

Rick pleaded with him to stop, for them to take a break, for a chance to catch his breath, but Carl wouldn’t listen. He was on a mission to find them somewhere to rest. Part of him was worried that if he gave in to his father’s pleas, if he allowed them to take a break, maybe Rick wouldn’t get back up. Waking him in the tree had been hard enough. But down here on the ground they had no protection. Carl couldn’t afford to be trapped in the open. 

“We’re almost there Dad,” he murmured under his breath. 

Even he wanted to stop. Carrying Rick was no easy task and they’d been at it for hours. But hope was on the horizon. Carl was aiming them towards a little neighborhood. There didn’t appear to be many walkers and most were stuck behind the fences lining houses. Carl dragged his dad down the road towards one of the last houses. 

“Wait here,” he huffed out.

Carl headed in the house with his gun drawn. 

“Carl, Carl!” Rick called after him.

The boy grit his teeth and stormed back out to the man.

“What? What is it?”

Rick had such a look on his face. Like it hurt him that he couldn’t take care of Carl.

“B-be careful.”

He rolled his eyes and headed back inside. Rick’s empty regrets would do them no good. Carl had a job to do and right now that was to keep them both alive and safe. He moved through the rooms of the house like a ghost. Someone had obviously been through it before as the furniture was in disarray and the cabinets thrown wide. 

Carl cleared the downstairs, securing the back door and windows as he went. Upstairs he was just as efficient. The only thing that gave him pause was the bedroom at the end of the hall. It had to have belonged to a teenager back before. Carl fingered the xbox video games with the shadow of a smile. It faded. There was too much to do for him to waste time on such childish things. It wasn’t like there was power anyways. Carl pulled the powercord for the TV from the wall and made his way back down to Rick. 

“Dad,” he called from the foot of the stairs. “It’s safe, you can come in now.”

There was no response from outside. Carl felt his pulse quicken. 

“Dad?” 

He took a step. It was becoming very clear how idiotic it was to leave his injured father out on the front porch. Through the doorway he could see Rick's slumped figure. Carl ran for him then.

“Dad!” 

He slid down to kneel beside the man. His father was breathing shallowly and ragged. So he was alive, but things didn’t look good. No matter what he did Rick wouldn’t wake up. Carl threw a wild look around. There were walkers coming from down the road now, the noise he made drawing them near. Carl swallowed his panic and got down to business. 

“I’m gonna move you, okay?” he whispered to his father, fully aware that he couldn’t hear him. 

Carl looped his arms under Rick’s armpits and pulled hard. Moving a limp body was much harder than moving a conscious and functioning one. Like moving a dead one. No, no no, don't think like that, he's not dead, he's still breathing, Carl reminded himself. But Rick dragged _so_ slow. Carl kept his eyes trained on the walkers hoping beyond all hope that they’d be inside before they reached them. 

“C’mon Dad,” Carl grit his teeth, “I could really use some help here.”

There was no response from the man. The walkers were on the path leading up to the house now. Carl pulled harder, slipping against the hardwood and Rick’s blood. Once his father’s feet were clear of the door, Carl scrambled out from under him. He fell forward and stumbled closer. The walkers were on the steps to the porch now. Carl slammed the door shut just as they reached it. Their rotting fists pounded insistently at the wood, shaking it from their efforts. He rushed to twine and knot the powercord around the doorknob and curtain hook. Before he could finish, the door flew open a few inches. 

“Fuck!” Carl swore. 

He surged forward, throwing his weight against the wood. While his feet scrambled to find purchase on the slick floor his hands shook to tie the knot. It wouldn’t be enough, but for a minute it might hold. Carl tripped over his father’s body again.

“God get the fuck out of my way!” he screamed at the man. 

No response still. It didn’t even make him feel better. But no time for that now, he thought as he kicked off his boots and peeled away his socks. Carl threw his shoulder hard into the dusty couch and  _ pushed _ . It budged with a fair amount of effort and he forced it against the door. The walkers continued to bang against it, but at least it wasn’t moving. Carl let himself fall to the floor. He lay on his back for a few quiet minutes. It didn’t last.

As soon as he could breathe right again, he sobbed and raged and screamed and cried against the injustice of it all. He was a fucking kid! This wasn’t how things should be for him! Rick was a comatose body twisted by the door. Eli was gone, who knows where. And Daryl had  _ left _ . Every single person that should have been there for him, cared for him, was absent. Carl let himself drown in the loss. His tears and Rick’s blood only served to excite the walkers more. 

Time passed, minutes, maybe hours. Carl figured that was about enough of that. He sniffed hard once and pulled himself to his feet. There was too much to be done for him to wallow. First thing was first, he had to take care of the walkers. Quick as could be he slipped around through the back door. When he made it to the front they didn’t even turn. Rick must’ve been worse off than Carl thought. He wasted no time on frivolous games, choosing instead to sneak up behind them and push steak knives into their brain stems. 

It took a lot out of him but he dragged their bodies away from the house. The smell nearly had him puking but he managed it. To leave them on the porch was to invite the stench inside. Carl headed back to the house.

“Dad?” he called, softer this time.

There was still no answer from the man. Fuck, it was so goddamn hard! Carl took several deep breaths to calm himself. Right now his _feelings_ weren't important. He needed to make sure his dad was okay and that would mean cleaning him up and taking a look. The sky was growing dark, but if he was bleeding out, it couldn’t wait for dawn. 

Carl mentally prepared himself. Pulling Rick down the hall and into the bathroom was an event that took much longer than dragging him through the door had. Still he didn’t wake. It worried Carl more than he cared to admit. All that tugging on his shoulders should have had the man screaming in pain again. Not to mention the few times his bad leg had whacked against the walls. Once in the bathroom, Carl started the bathtub. It was freezing cold but a hand on his father’s skin told him that was a good thing. Rick was burning up. 

“I’m gonna take off your clothes now,” he spoke beneath his breath.

Carl knew he couldn’t hear, but it made him feel better to describe what was going on. Off came Rick’s boots and socks, the blood and mud too thick to see much of anything yet. Next was his shirt, easy enough as it was a button up. Carl stared blankly down at his undershirt. There was so much, too much blood. He couldn’t tell if it was Rick’s or walker blood or what. The shirt was a lost cause. Carl cut it off. The pants were a harder task. Getting them over his father’s slim hips and swollen ankle took well over ten minutes. Carl wasn’t willing to remove his boxers.

“We’re gonna get in the tub now Dad.”

Rick’s breathing sounded like dice rattling. Carl crouched over his lap and wrapped arms around his chest. A few good pulls and he managed to get Rick’s butt on the edge of the tub. From there they took a break. Carl supported the man, but couldn’t move much further. Once he felt ready, he pushed first one leg, then the other over the side. Rick plunged down quicker than Carl could control after that. His face slipped underwater and he panicked.

“Oh no, hold on Dad, hold on!”

Carl climbed in the tub himself, clothes, boots and all to support Rick’s head and neck. The water was a sickening color and clung to Carl’s skin like a stain. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered against his father’s hair. “It’s okay, we’re okay. It’s just like when I was little, except now I’m gonna be the one washin’ you up.”

But it wasn’t the same and he knew it. Carl cried a constant stream of angry tears as he scrubbed Rick’s bruised skin. In some places it was hard to tell what was dirt and what was damaged flesh. Carl drained the tub twice before he felt Rick was clean enough. 

If getting in had been tough, getting out was near impossible. Carl slipped twice, nearly bashing his brains on the sink in the process, before he got himself out alone. Rick wasn’t going anywhere, he could run upstairs for a minute. Carl was shaking with cold and adrenaline when he made it to the bedroom he’d admired earlier. Inside he found clothes that weren’t too big and some warm socks. Back downstairs again to rescue his father.

“Come  _ on _ ,” he grunted, “you’re not even that big!”

At last he managed to extract Rick from the bathtub, huffing all the while. Carl grabbed a lantern from his pack and medical supplies from Rick’s. Once the pair were shut in the room with the curtain drawn, Carl powered on the light. He couldn’t stifle his gasp. 

Rick’s skin was black and blue, purple in places even. His ribs poked from his skin, some looking sharper than others. One of his arms looked to be out of place. The shoulder was angled out in a painful looking way. His ankle was swollen, just as he’d noticed before, but it had gone down some with the cold water. The bash from Lydia’s attack looked awful. It was probably the cause of his unconsciousness. Carl fingered Rick’s side. There was a gash, long, longer than Carl’s forearm, running the length of his skin. That must’ve been what was bleeding so badly. 

Frankly Carl didn’t know where to start. Ultimately it didn’t matter. Bottom up, he decided at last. The first thing to do was wrap and elevate Rick’s foot. If it was broken, there was nothing he could do. But if it was just sprained like Eli’s had been, Carl knew exactly what to do. 

“This is so fucked up,” he grumbled while tightening the wrap around Rick’s ankle. “I mean, I shouldn’t be doing this for you. You’re supposed to be looking after me.”

He moved on to wiping clean the minor cuts on Rick’s legs. The rubbing alcohol had been in his pack, probably a gift from Eli since he hadn’t put it there. She was always looking out for him. Even when she was gone. It brought tears to his eyes.

“If Eli were here, she’d know what to do. What good are you?” he spat at his father. “You couldn’t keep us safe. Hershel’s dead because of you. Eli’s gone, Daryl’s gone too and it’s  _ your fault _ !”

He bit the words out viciously. It was a stark contrast to how gentle his hands were being. He had made his way to the gash along Rick’s side. It would need stitches after it was cleaned. Carl threaded the needle carefully and pushed it through Rick’s skin. The pull made him gag, but he pushed through it. 

“You’re the one who said Lydia could stay. You’re the one who let her get away with hurting Eli and then Daryl. I thought you  _ loved _ them! But you’re just a coward aren’t you? You’ve never even told them how you feel, have you?”

He snapped the needle from the thread with his teeth. Carl grit his teeth and pulled Rick upright. A second roll of bandages were extracted from Rick’s pack and wrapped around his ribs. Carl whispered angrily in his ear.

“I hope you can hear me you know. You’ve never once trusted me with anything. You told me to stay back in the battle. Eli trusted me, she told me I could fight as long as I didn’t die. I’ve got news for you Dad,” Carl tied off the bandage, “I’m still alive and you’re, you’re-”

He cut himself off. Against his father’s empty, broken chest, Carl lost it. All of his rage and anger melted away into despair at the loss of his family. 

“And, and Eli’s just, she’s just  _ gone _ Dad. I don’t know where Daryl went and if I’ll ever see him again. And J-J-Judith… you told me to protect her and I didn’t. I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry Dad. I left Judith alone and I couldn’t find her. I looked so hard for her! But I couldn’t find her,” he blubbered. 

Carl leaned against Rick for a few more minutes. When he finally pulled away, it was reluctantly.

“But worst of all, I don’t know what to do now,” he spoke so softly. “I don’t know how to make you better. I don’t know how to wake you up. I don’t know how to find the people we care about or even if they’re still alive.”

Carl pressed their foreheads together and willed Rick’s eyes open.

“Please,” he whispered, “please wake up Dad. I can’t do this alone.”

There was still nothing. Just the wet wheeze of Rick’s breath again his neck. Carl sighed and let his head fall. This was it then. A waiting game to be played. When would Rick wake up versus when would Carl run out of supplies. He scooted around to his father’s side and wrapped his arms around his torso. One last thing to fix.

Pop!

He squeezed as fast and hard as he could to force Rick’s shoulder back into place. Carol had taught him and the other children how to push a dislocated shoulder back in. Her knowledge had been eerily first hand, but Carl never questioned where she learned it. Right now he was just grateful she’d passed it on. The only indication that Rick had felt it was the hard puff of air that blew over his lips. The boy twisted him around until his ankle rested on the edge of the tub.

This would have to do for tonight, he was too tired to move Rick anymore. Carl made his way back upstairs to the bedroom and tucked himself in. It wouldn’t be easy, but he needed to keep them both alive. Tomorrow he’d make a plan. 

 

When dawn rose again he was already awake. Rick hadn’t moved on his own so Carl took it upon himself to drag him to the couch. Once he felt his father was comfortable, he headed outside. 

The days stretched on into a week and then some more. The most exciting things to happen were a walker nearly eating him and finding a giant tub of pudding. The walker was trapped firmly behind a door with a warning to all those who might come after him. The pudding was all over the back yard. In theory it had been a good idea to eat it all in one sitting. In practice, well, his stomach had rebelled. 

Carl prayed to whoever was listening that Rick would wake up. He was dribbling water into his mouth at least four times a day, but Rick was losing so much weight. Carl had stepped outside for some fresh air on their eighth day of stagnation when he heard groaning. Quick as a whip he was back inside and racing towards Rick.

“Dad?” he whispered.

More groans answered him. Low moaning stirred in with the grumbling had Carl drawing his gun. Oh no, please no. He couldn’t put down another parent, not now, not Rick. With shaking hands he drew nearer. 

“Dad?” Carl whimpered

Another groan that sounded suspiciously like,

“Carl?”

Almost immediately the boy threw aside his gun and clambered onto Rick’s lap. The man let out a soft oof but laughed all the same. It was tired and weak, but it was the most noise he’d made all week.

“Miss me?” Rick joked. 

Carl pulled back. The tears in his eyes were out of place with the angry look on his face. He looked like he wanted to whack Rick hard. He wouldn’t of course, not when he was still recovering. 

“You asshole-”

“Language!”

“-you’ve been asleep for eight days!”

Rick’s mouth dropped open. Eight days? He moved to sit up. Carl’s hand on his chest had him pausing. He looked at him in confusion.

“Just,” Carl swallowed, “just take it slow, okay? I’ve been giving you water but you haven’t eaten or anything since we got here.”

Rick nodded and made a show of sitting up slowly. Carl had been right of course, his head was already swimming from that tiny bit of movement. He winced when he felt his ribs fight against the bandage around them. He looked down at himself. There was a slight stain of blood through the bandage, but other than that it looked clean. His ankle was throbbing a little but it hadn’t been when he woke up. 

“I patched you up as best I could,” his son explained. “Your ankle’s sprained, maybe broken but I don’t know the difference. Some of your ribs are messed up and I had to stitch your side. We can take them out now that you’re awake if you want. Um, I had to push your shoulder back into place and-”

Rick held up his hand for silence. Carl blushed and bit at his lip. 

“It sounds like you’ve done a wonderful job son, and I’d love to hear all about it. First, I have to pee. While I’m doing that, can you get me something to eat?

Carl positively beamed at Rick. He scrambled up and down the hall. Rick took his time standing, his knees buckling as he did so. With care and caution he made his way down towards the bathroom. It took a few good long breaks and clinging to the molding on the walls, but he made it. The absolute mess that met him made him freeze.

“Dad there’s some cans of beans and spam but I thought you’d wanna start with frui-”

Carl’s words trailed off when he saw what Rick was staring at. There was blood everywhere. Carl had thought about cleaning it up, but it felt like a wasted effort. The tub was ringed with mud and black sludge. Bloody handprints were on the walls and sink, a few on the floor. Carl cleared his throat.

“I uh, I had to get rid of your clothes and stuff. I tried to clean them, but the blood wouldn’t come out.”

Hands curled around the boy’s head and fingers carded through his long hair. Rick held his son close to his bandaged chest.

“You are so brave,” his chest shuddered, “so so brave and I can’t believe you managed all this alone. I’m so proud of you.”

Tears welled up in Carl’s eyes. He wouldn’t let them fall, not now that things were beginning to look up. He gave a gentle squeeze to Rick before pulling away.

“Yeah well someone’s gotta look after you!” 

What was meant to be a joke had Rick sobering quickly. His smile faded away like smoke in the wind. Yeah, someone was supposed to look after him. And he was supposed to look after them. Daryl and Eli… 

“Have you,” Rick cleared his throat, “have you seen anyone else?”

Carl shook his head sadly. 

“No, but I’ve not gone far to look. I didn’t want to leave you in case something happened. Why don’t you come eat once you're done in here?”

Rick nodded, finishing up his business and following after his son. At least they were together now. Any anger that Carl had was gone, replaced now by relief that he wasn’t  _ alone _ anymore. Besides, he’d let it all out while Rick was asleep. He spent at least an hour a day just screaming at the man, blubbering about his fears and mourning the loss of his childhood. He’d had enough of complaining. He’d take what he could while there was someone to be with. 

The next day was strictly for recovering. Rick had his stitches carefully removed by Carl and ate whatever food the boy would bring him. After sleeping for a week he was ravenous. Carl had admitted that he thought Eli had snuck extra supplies into their packs. There was no way they would have stashed away so much food or medical supplies. Rick only hoped that she hadn’t done it at the expense of her own supplies. 

On their tenth day in the neighborhood, they made plans to leave.

“Where do you think the group went?” Carl asked.

Rick shook his head.

“I don’t know Carl,” he answered, “but we can’t stay here and wait for them to come to us.”

Rick had learned the many roads Carl had dragged his nearly broken body down to get here. Even though he’d been awake, he couldn’t remember a thing. Carl thought maybe it was the hit to his head that did it and Rick was inclined to agree. They were set back and pretty well hidden. If they weren’t, there would be a lot less supplies in the neighborhood. 

“Maybe we should do one last sweep before we go.”

Carl didn’t  _ want _ to leave. This place had been safe for over a week now with only a few lazy walkers passing through. As much as he wanted to find his family, it pained him to leave sanctuary. Especially after all he’d been through here. Rick was looking at him as if he understood.

“We’ll look one last time for anything you might have missed, but I’ve got a feeling you’ve already cleaned the place out. Carl,” he licked his lips, “you know we have to keep moving. We’ve gotta find Judith, Daryl, and, and-”

“And Eli,” Carl finished for him.

There was a soft knock on the door. Both boys froze neither daring to even  _ breathe _ . Carl drew his gun and aimed it at the door. Rick stood, much steadier today than he’d been yesterday, and peered through the peephole. The second he did, his entire demeanor changed. It was so sudden that Carl began to worry. Rick stood straighter and then bent to rest his head on the door. A quiet laugh slipped past his lips.

“Dad? Dad what is it?”

Dread was curling in Carl’s gut the longer Rick didn’t move. At last, he turned back to his son with tears in his eyes. 

“It’s for you,” he was breathless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh eh? Ehhh? some angst with a twist at the end!


	81. Broken (But not Dead) pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited at last! Well, partially at least

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's gonna be some frickle frackle people. Be aware

Carl scrambled over the couch to peer through the peephole himself. As soon as he saw who it was, he jumped down and started shoving at the couch.

“C’mon Dad! Help me move this! Hurry!”

The man laughed, tears slipping out alongside the joy as he moved to help his son. The boy tore at the knot he’d tied around the doorknob in desperation. Once it was undone he flung open the door and tackled their guest to the floor. 

“Eli!” he nuzzled in close to her. “Eli, Eli, Eli, Eli, Eli-”   


The body under his shook. Carl was too busy reintroducing himself to her to pay attention. Rick’s hands on the back of his neck and shoulder had him remembering himself.

“Give her some space Carl, let her breathe,” he murmured. 

When Carl pulled away, Eli was crying. Her chest shook with the force of her sobs and her breath came in uneven waves. It was enough to make both boys break down. Rick fell to his knees before her. She pulled herself up and crawled near to him, dragging Carl along. Her wiry arms held strong like cables around her boys as they reunited. Carl's arm was crushed between the adults' arms. He was so far from caring about such a minor twinge, god,  _Eli_ was here!

“Oh I missed you so much,” Rick pressed kisses hard to her temple. “So so much Eli, you have no idea darlin’.”

Carl nodded along with his words. They all clung to each other for several more minutes. When both Rick and Eli’s stomachs growled Carl had to laugh. 

“Sounds like the both of you need a meal. Come inside Eli.”

She nodded, still shaking. It had been so long since she’d seen her family. That reminded her… Oh, maybe it was too much to ask for. Would her worry be misconstrued as ungratefulness? Maybe even mistaken for regret that she'd not found all that she'd been looking for?

_ -Rick?- _

The man was looking at her like she was priceless. Sunburnt and sunken as she was, he stared like she was a goddess. It made her blush, almost. 

“What is it darlin’?”

_ -Is there, I mean, have you seen anyone else? Where is everyone?- _

Rick shook his head and guided Eli to the couch. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen anyone except you. To tell the truth I’ve been unconscious for the past week. Carl’s been watchin’ out for me.”

Eli took a second look at Rick. Yes, he’d lost weight and there was a knock to his skull that looked downright gruesome. She ran fingers over his features and oh, the way he leaned into her… It was like these last days had him starved for comfort, conscious or not. She kissed him hard, right then and there. He responded with just as much enthusiasm, if not more. His tongue slipped between her lips, tasting salt and the sticky sweetness of fruit. She ghosted hands over his neck and jaw, too afraid to press in case there were more wounds. Rick whimpered into her mouth. A throat cleared from the doorway and the pair pulled apart.

“Um, gross,” Carl stuck out his tongue. “I’m gonna go loot the houses one more time. I’ll be back in an hour or two.”

He set down two bowls of dry cereal and scampered towards the front door. Before he ran off, Carl turned back one last time and squeezed Eli tight. He rubbed his face against her long black hair and pressed a blushing kiss to her cheek. Quicker than she could blink, he'd released her and disappeared. Rick and Eli shared a chuckle and settled against each other.

“I’ve miss-”

_ -It’s been so lon- _

They laughed again, though this time it felt strained. Rick tried to smile at her but it felt forced. The time they'd been apart had changed them, both of them. The weight between them wasn't from awkwardness, it was from fear. Would they still like the people they'd become? Eli gestured for him to speak first.

“I’ve missed you darlin’, so so much. All I did while I was sleepin’ was dream of you, I swear.”

Against his side Eli shuddered. If they were anything like hers, she wished he hadn't. 

_ -I had dreams too. They weren’t good ones. I’ve missed you so much more than I can put into words. You and Carl and Judith and,- _ she paused, catching a flicker of pain in Rick’s eyes.  _ -Is there something wrong?- _

Rick’s lip trembled slightly. Oh no. In a second Eli dragged him down to rest on her chest. She ran her fingers through his curls while he struggled to stay composed. 

“I don’t know, I don’t know Eli. We couldn’t find her, Carl looked and looked and I was just tryin’ to keep him alive and we couldn’t find her.” 

_ -Judith?- _

Her hands moved slow, in a daze. Rick nodded once while biting his lip. 

“I swear we looked everywhere for her and Carl said he didn’t have her and I didn’t know where she could have gone and God, Eli, what if she’s, what if she’s-”

Eli drew him closer still, this time to silence him. He sobbed, finally giving up on the facade that he was even slightly okay. Nothing about this was  _ okay. _ Their home was in ruins, burning and filled with walkers. They’d been driven out and away from each other and there was no telling where anyone else was. Rick hadn’t had a second to collect himself between running away and being unconscious. Eli held him tight until he felt ready to breathe again.

“What about you? Have you seen anyone?” his voice was shaky but no longer ruined.

Rick watched his lover with careful eyes. Her lips was lodged firmly between her teeth and she kept her gaze down.

_ -No.- _

He didn’t believe her, not for one second. Eli let her eyes fall shut. Rick reached out to her and lifted her face to his own. A soft, fragile kiss was pressed to the corner of her mouth, begging for truth. Whatever had happened, whatever Eli had seen, Rick wouldn’t let her bear it alone. 

“Please darlin’,” he whispered against her lips, “please tell me.”

Her nod was small and nearly imperceptible but Rick felt it. With one last kiss, he gave her space to speak.

_ -I thought,- _ her eyes shifted to his nervously and he nodded for her to go on,  _ -I thought I saw Daryl.- _

It came like a punch to the gut. Rick missed his hunter as much as he’d missed Eli, but the thought that she  _ saw _ him. If he wasn’t here with them now… tears threatened to fall once more.

_ -No! No no no, no Rick, no he’s not dead.- _ Eli rushed to reassure him.  _ -I know he’s not dead, surely you know it to.- _

Rick reminded himself to breathe. Of course Daryl wasn’t dead. He was the most resourceful man in the group and if anyone was going to survive this damn apocalypse it would be him. Besides, something inside him would _know_ , just as Eli knew. Rick had never subscribed to the idea of soulmates before, but things were different. It wasn’t so crazy to him that if one of his lovers were to die that he’d feel it. Rick was sure he’d feel it deep down inside like a part of his soul being ripped to pieces. Eli saw the confidence and resolve return in him and continued.

_ -I just, sometimes when I’m alone I think too much about things. I think a lot about you and Carl and J-Judith,- _ Eli’s hands fumbled over the baby’s name.  _ -But this was different than a thought.- _

“Was it like your nightmare? The one you had before we were attacked?”

She shuddered but shook her head.

_ -No. This was waking life. I don’t know if it was dehydration, exhaustion or if I’m going crazy just like my mother, but Rick I swear I  _ saw  _ him. He was as real to me as you are right now. I couldn’t, I couldn’t bring myself to touch him but he was  _ real. _ - _

Rick couldn’t help it, he dove headfirst into Eli. His lips crashed down on hers hard and desperate. What she said wouldn’t have made sense to any sane person, but Rick had always considered himself a little mad. Daryl was connected to him and Eli. There were tiny pieces of him inside both of them, those pieces were just a little more corporeal in Eli than in himself. If he could just get close enough to Eli, maybe he’d see Daryl too. Eli returned his desperation with some of her own. Daryl hadn't been real, as much as she wanted him to be, he wasn't. But Rick, Rick was as real as could be, body hard against hers and hot, so hot like the sun.

“God I missed you,” he muttered into her neck.

Eli made a sound that was inhumane. Rick sucked dark bruises into the white skin of her chest. She in turn tore at his clothes, desperate to see exactly what had happened while she was away. When her fingers brushed over bandages, she took pause. Here the urgency slowed into something soft, cautious. Rick pulled away to gaze at Eli with ice blue eyes, so cold, but so full of warmth. She unbuttoned his shirt, kissing each bruise and scrape revealed to her. Attentive hands unwound the bandage around his ribs and fingers ghosted over the healing skin. Rick sucked in a breath when goosebumps rose in their wake. Eli’s hands were cool against the heated scar running down his side. It was on the mend now thanks to Carl.

_ -I’m sorry,- _ she signed.

“It is what it is,” he replied. “Let me see you.”

She pushed back to give him space to work. Off came her shirt and undershirt, pants joining the pile only moments later. Eli’s neck and face were blistered, as was the back of one hand. The rest of her was a mess of bruises. Each new color served as an accent to the scars already there. She was like a macabre coloring book. Rick brushed his rough palms down her front. Eli bit her lips, half from the pleasure, half from the pain of it. He noticed.

“God you’re beautiful,” he growled.

His body crowded over hers. She leaned up to meet him, crushing their bodies together. The grind was delicious in the friction and edgy with the aches. Her mouth worked against the column of his neck, tongue flicking over rough stubble. He tasted like sweat and the slightest twinge of blood but she wouldn’t trade it for the world. She begged against his skin for more.

“Fuck Eli, the things you do to me…”

Her gaze was dark and promising. It was obvious that she needed him just as much as he needed her. Rick pushed his knees between her thighs and settled against her. His mouth moved over her breasts. The way he  _ sucked _ . Fuck. Eli curled her fingers in his hair and urged him on. Several minutes later he released her with a wet pop and growled at her.

“This isn’t gonna be gentle.”

Eli squirmed at his words. They both knew that if Eli called it off, they’d go no further, but she  _ needed _ this. Rick moved inside of her at the same moment his mouth closed over hers. Eli exhaled hard against his tongue. He held perfectly still, relishing in the familiarity of her body around his. It must have been too long because nails dug into his forearm.

_ Move! _

Eli mouthed at him, brows furrowed. That was all it took. They shook together, taking and taking without a single thought of what their partner wanted. Ultimately it didn’t matter. Eli was racing towards her own finish faster than Rick could comprehend. When her hand snuck down between them he groaned. 

“Fuck,” he moaned, “that’s it, you’re close aren’t you? Come on darlin’, let me have it.”

His voice did it. Eli’s legs twitched against his in a fight to close tight around him. Rick rested his forehead against her shoulder and pushed himself over the edge. They lay together in a sweaty mess, too exhausted to do anything but breathe. After a while Rick pushed himself up on his forearms to stare down at Eli. This was his lover. She was here and she was real. A tear slid down her cheek. Rick frowned and moved to wipe it away. 

“Why’re you cryin’ darlin’?”

Eli shook her head. She wasn’t. To Rick’s utter surprise, he found more tears dripping off his face and onto hers. Eli rolled them so he was laying down again. Her lips kissed the tracks of his sadness.

_ -It’s okay,-  _ she signed between moments,  _ -it’s okay Rick, we’ll find him. We’ll get out hunter back. We’re alive, we’re alive and able and we’ll look for him until the sun gives up if we have to. He’s not dead and neither are we.- _

Rick nodded, not trusting his voice to answer. While he lay still, Eli bustled about the room and tugged on her clothes. She threw a concerned look back at Rick before dashing to the kitchen for a wet rag. When she returned his hands were over his eyes. Maybe he was hiding, maybe he was trying to stop the flow of tears. Whatever it was, Eli let him have it. She took the opportunity to wipe away the sweat from his body. A finger trailed down the center of his chest to get his attention.

_ -I need you to sit up. I’m gonna put your bandage back on.- _

Rick’s eyes were red and puffy but he nodded. He held his arms aloft like a small child while she worked, accepting kisses like praise from her lips. Once she was done he tugged his clothes back on. The sun was going down and Carl would be back soon.

_ -Are you alright?- _

Eli’s hands swam in front of him and he couldn’t help but laugh. Her first and only concern was the wellbeing of others. It was a strength as much as a weakness and he loved her for it.

Rick stared at her blankly. Eli gave a confused little smile to him, testing the waters.

He loved her.

“I love you.”

Her smile was gone. In its place was a look of slacked jawed disbelief. 

“Eli, I love you.”

The grin she blessed him with could have convinced the most stubborn flower to bloom. 

_ -I love you too.- _

“Well it’s about damn time!” came a voice from the front door. 

The adults turned to see Carl framed in the sunset. He looked positively pleased as punch with four packs hanging off his arms. Rick couldn’t even find it in himself to scold the boy for language. He bounced into the room and squirmed to sit between them. 

“For the record, you’ve loved each other since  _ forever _ ,” he went on. “Everyone knew it. Everyone except you guys it seems.”

Rick laughed deep from his chest while Eli peppered Carl’s cheek with kisses. 

“Ew, ew stop! Don’t think I don’t know what you two were doing before I came back!”

“Oh ho? You think so?” Rick raised a brow at his son. “I think maybe we need to sit down and have a talk about the birds and the bees, don’t we Eli.”

Carl turned incredulous eyes to her. Eli nodded her head in mock solemn agreement. 

“ _ Mom, _ ” Carl whined, “I already know about all that. God please don’t make this any weirder than it already is.”

Above his head both adults shared a look. Carl hadn’t even noticed what he’d said but it certainly wasn’t missed by Eli. She wrapped her skinny arms around him and squeezed hard. Rick did the same from his other side.

“Alright, alright, enough of this mushy stuff,” Carl pushed at them half-heartedly. “Are we gonna go to bed or what? I wanna leave early tomorrow. The longer we stay here, the farther away the group is gonna get.”

“You’re right,” Rick sighed, “I’m pretty tired anyways, it’s been a  _ long, hard _ day.”

Eli snorted. Carl groaned again and put both fingers in his ears.

“La la la la, I can’t hear you.”

They settled down after that, although no one moved to get up. Carl cleared his throat.

“I uh, I sorta made a nest upstairs if you guys wanna maybe stay, with me?”

Eli pulled the boy in for another hug.

_ -Of course we want to stay with you. I haven’t seen you in over a week.- _

“Eleven days actually,” Carl’s voice sounded almost haunted. “But don’t worry, Dad didn’t see me for eight of those either.”

As if that would make her not worry. Before Carl could say anything else to make her feel like the worst parent ever, Eli tugged him up and gestured for him to lead.

_ -Show us this nest of yours. I’m tired and could use some sleep.- _

Rick was the last to get up. Half of his family was reunited. As much as he wanted and needed the other half, for now, this was all he could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter for ya'll! Thanks for all your patience with me and sticking around through my hiatus! Next chapter will be posted sometime in the next week or so, not sure what day, but hopefully sooner rather than later. I'm also writing a new fic, AU but same characters. I'm not posting any time soon, I can't keep up with posting for this story and the other and my real book without dying so, patience! I hope you guys are still liking this one and that you'll give my new one a chance once I start posting. 
> 
> Ya'll are the best,   
> ModernElectricity


	82. Lost at Sea pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glenn is awake and doing his best to come to terms with the loss of his wife. Tara's holding it together, but only just

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sunday! And 9:02 PM! But I did it! Wrote this whole freakin' chapter today for you guys. Hope you enjoy!

“M-Maggie!” Glenn felt his throat pull against her name as he shot upright.

Tara’s gaze snapped to him.

“Holy shit,” she breathed.

Before Glenn could get vertical and do himself any damage, Tara banged hard on the back window of the truck. Not waiting for a response, she scrambled over supplies to reach her friend.

“Glenn?” 

The man had his eyes squeezed shut in apparent pain. Tara’s fingers shook as she reached out to touch him. His forehead was hot against her skin. Too hot. God, hopefully it wasn’t a fever. It could have been the sun beating down on him for the past four days. She’d covered him as best she could but maybe that had only served to ‘cook’ him, so to speak. Tara held a bottle of water to his dry lips. 

“Slowly,” she cautioned when he sputtered, “drink it slowly Glenn.”

“Tara?” 

The woman let out a sound half between a laugh and tears. He was back! She hadn’t even realized how badly she had missed the man until this point. Glenn and her had never been close, but they were family. A familiar face in a sea of strangers and dead.

“W-where’s Maggie?” his voice was a desperate thing.

Tara shook her head.

“Don’t you remember? The, when the prison fell and we all got separated? It’s just me and you right now, but I’ve made some friends!” Tara’s eyebrows rose in a burst of optimism and she gestured towards the front of the truck. “They helped us.”

Glenn blinked at her slowly. The prison? 

Flashes of fire and explosions pulled him away from the present. Bits and pieces were coming back to him. Maggie’s green eyes flashing with concern and martyrdom. Had she, what had she been saying to him? It was important. The key to where she might be now.

“But,” his voice cracked, “where’s Maggie?”

It broke her heart, really it did, but right now was not the time for Glenn to be losing his shit. If anything, Tara should be. She squared her jaw and dragged him further upright.

“Right now, you need to eat. And,” she raised her voice to a shout, “if Abraham could kindly pull this bus over, you can go to the bathroom as well.”

Bus? Glenn took in his surroundings as if he had been suddenly dropped into them. Though in all fairness, he pretty much had been. From unconscious to on the move, it was a big change. The brakes squealed as the truck pulled off to the side of the road. The driver's side door flew open and a great brute of a man pulled himself out.

“What the hell are we stoppin’ for now?” he groaned out around his cigar. 

When he caught sight of a fully awake, if a little groggy, Glenn, his eyes widened comically. 

“Well I’ll be damned, seems like sleepin’ beauty finally woke up,” he turned mischeviously to Tara, “What’d ya do? Kiss ‘im?”

The woman wrinkled her nose and bit back a laugh. As amusing as this might be to Abraham and herself, Glenn was still just as lost and confused as before. Tara sighed. 

“That’s Abraham.”

“Abraham?”

“Like the president,” the redhead did a mock salute. “At your service. Thought for a while you weren’t gonna be wakin’ up. Tara didn’t give up on you though. Woman’s a saint and you owe her your life.”

What? Glenn was two steps behind everyone else it seemed. Rage flared up in his skull, causing it to pound painfully. Despite his numerous injuries and wasted body he pulled himself up. He stood on shaky legs, face red and fists clenched. Seriously, what the fuck was happening?

“Is this a joke to you? To both of you? Maggie is gone! Everyone is gone! I don’t even know who you are! For all we know, you’re part of the group that attacked us back at the prison!”

Instantly, Abraham was on the offensive.

“Well excuse you, princess, but I happen to be one of the people who dragged your ungrateful ass onto our mystery machine and out of death’s sweet fuckin’ embrace. When me and Rosita found you, you were halfway to fuckin’ splitsville. If Tara hadn’t dragged your ass out of whatever hellhole ya’ll came from, you’d be dead ten times over!”

“Boys, boys!” Tara held her hands of placatingly. “Let’s not get crazy here. I think we’re all a little tired. Abraham, why don’t you take Rosita and Eugene on a walk to cool down while I get Glenn up to speed a little?”

The man looked like he wanted to argue, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Tara was a force to be reckoned with. Glenn watched with mild curiosity as two more people jumped out of the truck. The first, Rosita, looked furious. She popped her bubblegum defiantly in Tara’s direction, to which she replied by blowing a kiss. The second was Eugene, an awkward looking man who blushed furiously as he caught the tail end of Tara’s jest. As soon as the trio was out of earshot, Glenn grasped for Tara.

“What’s going on?” he’d never felt so helpless and lost as he did now. 

Tara bit back another sigh. 

“After the prison fell, everyone had to retreat. We got separated. I don’t know where Maggie went Glenn, I don’t know where anyone went.”

“Why can’t I remember everything? I don’t remember Maggie leaving, she was with us, wasn’t she?”

“She was,” Tara scratched her nails against her scalp, “she was with us. But Sasha’s position was compromised and she went to help. You stayed with me.”

Glenn looked so set adrift. His body even swayed with the loss of everything. His wife, his  _ memory _ , was there anything left? Tara swooped in to grab him before he tumbled overboard. Her hands clung to his arms like an anchor. 

“You  _ stayed _ with me Glenn. I’d be dead if you hadn’t. But you were hurt, real bad too,” her fingers brushed gentle over the gash in his temple. “And before everyone scattered you fell. I thought you’d die before I reached you, th-there were walkers everywhere. But I got you and man you’re a lot heavier than you look.”

He swallowed against the swell of emotion. So it’d been worth it then. Even if he lost Maggie, temporarily he reminded himself, Tara was alive because he didn’t duck out. And he was alive... how?

“How’d you get us out?”

Tara inhaled slow. It had been the most terrifying and heroic thing she’d ever done. She would never tell Glenn, but in the moments when his life hung on her shoulders she felt  _ alive _ . More real and present than any other given minute of her life. How she’d reacted had been one of the very reasons she had wanted to be a police officer all those years ago. In her head, even if she could only save one person, it would be enough. My life for yours mentality had gotten her into trouble in the past. This time, it’d saved someone. It saved Glenn.

“I found a wheelbarrow and threw you in it. We were on the road for a couple days and I kept hoping you’d wake up. But you were pretty deep in your head I guess, because nothing I did would pull you out. That’s when I heard Abraham’s truck coming down the road and flagged them down. We’ve been with them for four days now. They’re good people Glenn.”

He whimpered. Good people or not, they weren’t  _ their  _ people. 

“Thank you,” he whispered at last, “for not leaving me behind.”

Tara flung arms around his neck. 

“I’d never leave you. We’ll find everyone. We’ll find Maggie too.”

He had to believe her. His wife’s name beat in his chest, louder than his own heart and more violently than the pounding in his skull. Glenn knew she was out there. All he had to do was find her. 

“Ya’ll done makin’ up?” called a voice from below.

Glenn glanced over the edge of the truck. The trio was back, Rosita looking more pissed than ever, but Abraham’s shoulders were relaxed. Eugene was skittish, looking anywhere but up. 

“We’re good,” Tara called back.

Her eyes held Glenn’s, a silent question there. If he wasn’t ready yet then they wouldn’t move. Thankfully he nodded. The faster they got going, the sooner they’d find Maggie. 

“Alright! D.C., here we come!” Abraham crowed.

Glenn felt his pulse race. D.C.? What?

“What do you mean?” he blurted, “Aren’t we looking for our group?”

Tara rushed to soothe him.

“I didn’t know what was happening, I wasn’t sure if you’d wake up even! I couldn’t very well wheel you around looking for our people. Abraham’s was the first and best offer. I couldn’t just sit around and wait for you to make a decision. I made a choice Glenn-”

“It was the wrong one!” he exploded. 

Glenn hauled himself up and out of the truck. Tara scrambled after him, almost faceplanting in the process.

“Glenn, Glenn wait!” 

“I can’t believe you!” he rounded on her, “I go under for one fucking second and you abandon our people, our  _ family _ ! Maggie’s probably out there right now looking for me and you had me hidden away like some dirty secret in a truck on it’s way to Washington Fucking D.C.!”

“N- it’s not like that!” Tara had angry tears in her eyes. “I couldn’t look for anyone! You think I wanted to be carrying you around? No! I’d much rather have stashed you somewhere and found our people. They aren’t just your family, they’re mine too! But I chose you over them because you were  _ here _ . I had you and I couldn’t just leave you to die! You wouldn’t have let me die and I, I, Glenn I swear, I tried so hard. I tried so fucking hard-”

His arms encircled her. Tara sobbed against his shoulder. He wasn’t the only one to lose someone, wife or otherwise. Glenn knew he was being unfair. He knew it in the way Tara shook in his grasp, unable to stop the torrential outpouring of pain that she’d held locked deep inside for much too long.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured in her hair. “I know Tara, I know you tried. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said those things.”

“No,” she sniffed, “but I understand.”

“So what’s going on?” Rosita’s bubble gum snapped a startling few feet away. “You comin’ or not?”

“I think it would be wise for you to continue your travels in our company. Now that Glenn is awake and able bodied, well, strength in numbers. We form a veritable army and once we reach D.C., everything will fall into place,” Eugene began his lengthy monologue. “Should we fall into an unfortunate predicament, four fighters stand a better chance than two. I believe it would be in our mutual best interests to continue on this road together. Once we reach our destination, the path back to your significant other will be a much less laborious ambition.”

Glenn turned to stare incredulously at Tara. The woman shrugged her shoulders. Yeah, he was always like that. 

“He says you should stick with us. It’ll be safer,” Rosita translated. 

“Quid pro quo,” Eugene agreed. 

Tara and Glenn exchanged another look, this one for longer. 

“We’ve got to find our people,” Glenn said at last. “This is where we get off.”

Rosita rolled her eyes and climbed back into the truck. Eugene looked like he wanted to argue, but couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth. Abraham however stepped close to the pair.

“Well,” he held out a hand to them both, “it’s been good knowin’ ya. I hope you find what you’re lookin’ for out there. If not, you know where we’re headed. Come find us.”

Glenn shook his hand but Tara opted to hug the man. Abraham let out a surprised laugh and patted her back. 

“I’ll miss your humor girl,” he confessed.

“And I’ll miss your bright red hair.”

That brought forth one last deep laugh before he too made his way back into the truck. Tara and Glenn watched it drive away with a wave. It pained her to see her new friends leave so readily, but she understood. They each had their own paths to take. With any luck, they’d be lead back to each other. 

“They were,” Glenn struggled to find the right word, “interesting?”

Tara burst out laughing. 

“God, you don’t know the half of it.”

The pair made their way down the road, Tara regaling him with tales of their adventure so far. Glenn did a surprisingly good job of keeping up and not asking for breaks. A few times Tara forced him to sit down and eat something. Honestly, the man was a machine. 

“And Rosita? She always that, um, abrasive?” he asked on one such break. 

“Oh man, she’s a stone cold woman. Nothing I’ve said made her laugh. Once, I thought she might let out a chuckle but it turned out she just had to sneeze.”

Glenn snorted at that. His heart might ache for Maggie, but Tara was right. In this moment, it was just the two of them and he needed to be there for her. She was doing her best to keep his mind off darker things and he appreciated it.

“But the real enigma is Eugene. I just don’t get that guy.”

They stood again, turning left at the next crossroads and heading towards a railroad crossing.

“Yeah,” Glenn agreed, “from what I could tell he says a whole lot of nothing with a whole lot of words.”

Tara sighed. It was true.

“You don’t know the half of it. Any time he tried to talk to me, he’d start stuttering and adding in more words that made no sense together. There was even a point where I thought he might be asking me out, but, I mean, everyone knows I’m gay, right?”

Glenn’s eyes slid shut in mirth.

“Flaming. I mean, the only thing that would make it more obvious would be if you wore a…”

He trailed off suddenly. Tara turned her gaze on him, wondering what might make him lose his train of thought. When she followed his line of sight, she let out a shriek.

“Oh my god!”

Glenn was off and running before the words had even fully left her mouth. Tara chased after him. 

“Wait, wait Glenn! Glenn!” It was a fruitless effort. “Don’t hurt yourself you idiot!”

He was sprinting towards a sign. Smeared all over the painted words was blood. The single sentence brought life back into Glenn’s chest.

 

Glenn

Go to Terminus

Maggie

 

“She’s alive!” he ran back to Tara and grabbed her tight. “She’s alive! We just, we just gotta get to her, but Tara, she’s alive!” 

Tara held back her worries. They didn’t know how old this message was, the blood was dry, but she’d ride on Glenn’s happy wave as long as it kept moving. She wriggled free from his grasp.

“Well, let’s get going then! Time’s a wasting!”

Once again, the man was off and running. Tara’s mouth fell open. 

“I didn’t mean we had to  _ run _ , Jesus Glenn, Terminus isn’t right around the corner!”

All the same she trotted after him. They followed the tracks and signs, each bringing more and more fuel to their brigade. Tara was out of breath.

“Glenn, Glenn can we just rest for one second!”

Tara caught up to him at the next sign. She nearly fell over at the noise he made. It was inhuman. 

“T-Tara, look!” his voice shook.

Sure enough, the blood that had been guiding them was wet. Drops rolled in sticky rivulets down the faded wood and Maggie’s name had been joined by Sasha and someone named, Bob? They were close! Excitement made Tara’s hands shake. All thoughts of taking a break were long gone. All that lay between them and the next step was a tunnel. Glenn started for it, but Tara pulled him back.

“Glenn,” she tried, “it’ll be dark soon. We don’t know what’s in there.”

“Maggie,” he said fiercely, “Maggie’s in there. I’m going in, you can stay here if you want, but I can’t wait any longer.”

Tara sighed. Glenn was really putting her in a bad spot. It would be safer to wait. In the daylight and well rested the pair would be able to tackle any obstacle between them and their family. But if they waited, they ran the risk of losing Maggie again. She might pull too far ahead, or worse, she might be overwhelmed by walkers and they could lose her before she was even found. 

“Alright,” she said at last, “alright you win. We’ll go it. But we’re gonna do it safe. Flashlights out and guns ready.”

Glenn hesitated. Flashlights would give away their position if there were walkers or even people and guns would draw more. But Tara was giving him a look that said he’d have to agree or be on his own. Despite his bravado, they’d made it this far by sticking together. To throw that away now would be suicide. 

“Okay, we’ll do it your way.”

They made their way cautiously into the tunnel. Glenn was damn near vibrating with the promise of seeing his wife again. Tara was shaking for an entirely different reason. Fear and adrenaline didn’t make you a finely tuned weapon, it shaped you into a quivering, useless mess. She steeled herself. Come what may, they’d make it.

Dead bodies littered the ground around them them, each still freshly put down. Tara stepped cautiously around one not-quite-immobile upper body and after Glenn. He moved with a singular focus. The darkness was oppressive but didn’t do a thing to slow him. Tara was sure it was darker than it should be. And surely they were close to the end of the tunnel by now. She fell only a few steps behind, but it was enough for her companion to see something long before she did.

“No,” Glenn’s voice startled her as it echoed around them. “No, no no no! No! This can’t be-”

He stumbled over to the cause of his distress. Tara could only stare. There had been a massive cave in. Something had brought the arching roof down, blocking their way through. Limbs stuck out at odd angles from the rubble and painted a disturbing picture. Glenn searched frantically, checking to be sure none were Maggie.

“No, not her,” he muttered to herself. “No, no, still no. Oh thank god no.”

“She’s not, she’s not there is she?” Tara called to him.

Glenn turned back, a manic smile on his lips.

“Nope, not one of them. She must’ve made it through before it fell. Help me move some rocks!”

Tara hesitated. 

“Why don’t we go back Glenn, if we go out, we can loop around.”

He shook his head, already tugging at a few stones.

“No, that’ll take too long. She could be trapped on the other side for all we know.”

Tara had a bad feeling about this, but she moved to help him. They managed to free up enough space for Glenn to wriggle through. There he stood precariously atop the debris. 

“Do you see anything?” Tara whispered.

Glenn swallowed around the lump in his throat. He saw something alright. Dozens of walkers had filled the area, no doubt drawn by the sound of the cave in. There were plenty of them lying still on the ground, but he couldn’t tell if they were incapacitated or just dormant. Still, he had to press on.

“Yeah,” his voice trembled, “there’s, uh, there’s some walkers. I’m gonna, I just gotta, I’m gonna check.”

“No, Glenn, don’t do anything stupid!” Tara hissed at him. “We should go around, avoid this whole mess.”

“Tara I gotta know.”

She stifled a groan and clambered through the hole after him. If he was gonna make a fool out of himself, he wasn’t gonna do it alone. At this point they were stuck together. Where he went, she’d follow. Even if it promised no return. 

The descent went well. They managed to avoid drawing the attention of more than a couple walkers. They were dispatched easily enough. The trouble came when one of the dormant dead ‘woke up’ and grabbed Tara. She let out a gasp, rushing to cover her mouth with her fist. But it was too late. Between her noise and the spin of her flashlight as it twirled in her grasp, they were discovered. 

“Run!” Glenn shouted.

Tara wasted no time, firing a shot into the skull of her walker and careening away. Her momentum sent her body twisting from her feet. She let out a screech as her ankle twisted viciously in socket. Glenn’s bloodshot gaze snapped back to her from several yards away. If he didn’t go back for her, she’d die. But if he _did_ go back for her, he might too. 

“Hold on!” 

The man tripped his way back to her, stabbing a few walkers and shooting several more. It took only a moment to pull her upright, but it was a moment too long. Walkers were swarming. Things were looking bleak and Glenn pushed Tara behind him.

“Stay behind me, ju-just stay behind me!”

Tara whimpered and followed his lead. Glenn fired more shots into the herd and started screaming.

“Help us! Somebody help us! Please!”

It didn’t matter. Not anymore. If more walkers came, they’d come too late. The gnashing teeth were drawing nearer, undeterred by their last stand. Tara darted forward with a groan on her lips to plunge her dagger into a walker. Too close, too close now. 

“Glenn,” she lamented.

“I know,” he whispered back.

Moments before their end, lights blinded them. The walkers turned around, drawn by the new stimulus. A horn honked from the opposite end of the tunnel and a voice called out to the fray.

“How ‘bout you take a bite out of a real man? Come and get it you son’s a bitches!”

Tara laughed hysterically. Fucking Abraham! That man had a mouth on him, even in the most dire of situations. 

“Glenn! Glenn you fight!”

“Maggie!” he screamed back, able to recognize his wife's voice in the most desperate of times.

All the fight that had drained from his was back. With one arm around Tara and the other firmly grasping his dagger he plowed forward. Between the group at the mouth of the tunnel and his and Tara’s combined effort, they were gonna make it. Anything to reach his wife, he’d give anything. 

The dead were thinning out. One to the left suddenly hit the ground, brought down by a straight flying bullet. Tara felt her heart leap. That had to be Sasha! Maggie must’ve reached her in time! Hope made her strong. She fought through the last of them with Glenn’s support until they reached their people. Before the last body could hit the ground, Tara was released. Maggie had thrown herself into Glenn’s arms.

“Glenn!” she breathed.

“Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,” he couldn’t stop saying her name. 

It fell from his lips like a prayer. And for a long time that was all it was. But now she was  _ here _ . No longer lost and far from him. Tara was having her own reunion of sorts.

“Easy there girly,” Abraham caught Tara as she started to go down. “Leave ya alone for five minutes and look at all the shit you got up to!”

Tara bared her teeth at him in jest. 

“We had it under control,” she bluffed. 

“Yeah,” Rosita sauntered over, “sure looked like it.”

Tara rolled her lips behind her teeth. The woman opposite her was clearly sizing her up. Rosita was a closed book chock full of judgement and lined with a sharp tongue. That was why Tara let out a surprised little grunt when she clutched her. 

“Um,” she looked helplessly towards Abraham.

The man wore a grin to beat all grins. Seemed like his two favorite women were finally warming up to each other. Sasha cleared her throat slightly.

“What am I? Chopped liver?”

“Sasha!” Tara aimed herself in the woman’s direction.

Rosita released her and held her arms up in a gesture of goodwill. Tara snuggled right up to their resident sniper, going so far as to nuzzle against her cheek. The older woman laughed aloud.

“Missed me?”

“Oh,” Tara breathed, “I thought you were dead!”

That was a sobering thought. Sasha’s smile melted away into nothingness at the sincerity in her voice. 

“Not dead,” piped up a foreign voice, “though possibly a little worse for wear.”

Tara peeked around Sasha to look at the newcomer. His smile was tinged with worry, though she almost missed it in the dim light. Tara pulled away to study her friend. What had happened?

“Shush Bob, it’s fine.”

“What’s fine?” Tara asked frantically.   


“Her ears haven’t stopped ringing, not since I found her and Maggie at least,” Bob answered.

Sasha rolled her eyes. 

“I took the brunt of an explosion. If ringing ears is the worst of it, I’ll take it. Besides, they’re getting better.”

Tara embraced the woman again harder. Well, at least they’d made it out alive. Eugene tapped her on the shoulder next. 

“I am pleased and relieved to find that you are unharmed and doing well, given the circumstances. For a moment there I truly feared the worst, what with the scream you gave out during the start of the fray. Of all the comrades we have made while on this quest, your acquaintance would be dearly missed if you were to bite the dust, as it were.”

Tara gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder.

“Good to see you again too, Eugene.”

“Alright, everyone load up!” Abraham called out. “We’re movin’ out!”

He rolled his eyes and gave a sharp whistle.

“Ay! Lovebirds! Pack it in and get a move on. These dicks come with friends, and I’d rather not wait around to meet ‘em.”

Maggie and Glenn pulled apart, blushing furiously. Their heads had been close together, murmured words interspersed with heated kisses. They made their way back to the group with fingers interlocked.

“Where are we going?” Glenn had to ask.

Abraham sighed and threw his hands in the air. Rosita stepped forward to answer.

“Terminus. Your friends here managed to make a fair argument for gathering more people. If we find yours, we can recruit and restock at this sanctuary and be on our way.”

Glenn couldn’t help but grin. Of course Maggie and Sasha had gotten their way. Those two women were unstoppable when they wanted something. Everyone climbed into the vehicle, Abraham singing an off key and horribly inappropriate song as they went along. Before Maggie could hoist herself into the bed, Glenn pulled her back.

“Don’t think for one second,” he spoke lowly, “that the  _ minute _ we’re alone I’m not gonna have you screaming my name.”

She blushed red-hot. Before she had time to figure out a response, he pulled her flush to his chest and kissed her hard. Whistles and hoots sounded off from the truck by the time he released his wife. There was a promise in his eyes that made her shiver. 

“I’ll hold you to it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, shame on me. Can't believe I put off writing for this long, but this damn chapter just wasn't coming. I reworked the intro and that was enough to open the floodgates. 
> 
> Did I put in too many references to water? I thought it fitting given the title of this chapter. 
> 
> Also, at the end, Glenn may have seemed a bit OOC, but! Do we really have any idea what kind of lover he is? Nope. We know he's a great partner and that's it. 
> 
> I dunno, might right a scene with the two of them, but not quite sure. Depends depends, if you're interested I'll give it a shot. If not, I still might give it a shot! 
> 
> Okay. That's all!


	83. Torn pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyreese and Carol are gonna make or break themselves in this one. Can they survive together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs in with papers flying*
> 
> I know! It's been a long time, see the foot notes if you care to know why. I'm writing the next chapter now, it's Eli and Rick again and I'm hoping to get that out by Sunday for you. 
> 
> P.S. I realize Meeka is not how her name is spelled. But I realized too late and it's a pain to go back and change it to Mika. Meeka is a weird way to spell it and I don't know why I thought that was right. Oh well. My name is spelled weird too.

“Carol,” his voice trembled.

She ignored him, pressing wet fingers to her temples. 

“C-Carol  _ please _ ,” Tyreese implored the older woman.

Her eyes fluttered shut. The stomach acid burning up her throat threatened to spill but Carol swallowed it back down. It hurt, it was disgusting and rancid but anything was better than how, than what she’d, oh god, what had she-

“Carol…”

“What?” she snapped at last, twisting to her feet, eyes wild and bloodshot. “What the  _ fuck _ do you want Tyreese?”

The man winced as her voice cracked. Carol was, well she was in a state he’d never seen the woman in before. Her hands shook violently. There was a certain posture to her that spoke of trauma, of loss and absolutely of violence. Carol had devolved to the very  _ least  _ of herself. If he pushed too hard, stepped too close, it was very likely she might hurt him. Maybe even kill him.

“What’re we gonna do about-”

“There’s nothing we can do!” Carol threw her hands in the air and began to pace. “What’s done is done, I can’t change what happened.”

“Well no but-”

“There are no buts! We made a bad call. Lizzy wasn’t, I thought she was going to be  _ fine _ . I hadn’t expected, it wasn’t something I had planned for!”

Tyreese bit his lip. Carol was still full of fire, but it was dying fast. He couldn’t decide if that was what he wanted or not. If he let that light die, she would be different. Changed. Maybe she wouldn’t kill him, but she certainly wouldn’t save him if he needed it. 

“I couldn’t protect her,” almost a whisper now.

The man risked a step closer to her. Carol was still now, quiet and withdrawn. Even her gaze was empty. The spatter of blood coating her face and shirt painted a grim picture. It was one Tyreese had grown used to, but not like this. Never like this. His fists clenched by his sides while he steeled his resolve.

“Carol, I understand that you’re upset,” he began, “but-”

“Upset?” she let out a hysterical little laugh. “You think I’m  _ upset _ ? This is so much bigger than that now. I was supposed to keep them safe. To keep them alive until we met back up with the group. B-but here we are and they’re not, they’re not, it’s not  _ right _ Tyreese. Not when I tried so goddamn hard.”

Tyreese crept closer to her. He wasn’t numb to Carol’s internal conflict, but they had such bigger fish to fry right now. It pained him to do it, but right now someone needed to lead their broken little band. It wasn’t gonna be Carol. His big hands wrapped firmly around her forearms and squeezed. For a moment she struggled against him. Her eyes were wild and her teeth clenched tight together while she shook in his grasp. But Tyreese was an immovable object, even pitted against an unstoppable force he would not bow.

“Stop,” he murmured. “Stop Carol.”

The woman broke. Sobs wracked her body and she swayed where she stood. Tyreese tugged her against his solid chest. Carol wasn’t one to accept comfort. She didn’t offer any either but this,  _ this _ was uncharted territory. For both of them. Moments like this had him wishing desperately to find their group. Or at the very least find Eli. She had a way with Carol that no one else had. Not even Daryl could touch her at her lowest points but that raven haired girl had snuck inside and built a home in Carol’s chest. In all of them. 

“Right now we have to be brave.”

Tyreese kept his voice low, soft and melodic. Carol was hurting. 

“I’m sorry you know,” he continued. “I’m sorry about Lizzy-”

“No,” Carol moaned.

“-and I’m sorry that you had to, to do what you felt you needed to do in order to k-keep Meeka safe. There isn’t, there’s nothing I can say to make this better Carol, but right now we need to put it away. Put it away and bury it down deep. Meeka, she needs us now.”

For the first time in the last few hours, Carol tore herself away from her grief. Meeka wasn’t- she wasn’t? Tyreese must have read the confusion in her eyes.

“Meeka isn’t dead. Not yet. She won’t make it much longer unless we find some medical supplies. I can’t, I can’t do this on my own Carol. I need you.”

The woman cleared her throat and wiped haphazardly at her eyes. There was blood, so much blood on her hands. They’d never be clean. Not after what she’d just done. But Meeka still had a chance. Now more than ever that little girl would need people to protect her, keep her safe. Tyreese waited for her to speak.

“Where is she?"

That was all it took. They both took off running back to the cabin. Away from the flowers. Away from the blood stain, away from Lizzy’s cold, dead body with the tear tracks and crooked smile. Carol hadn’t thought- she just hadn’t been thinking. There had always been something  _ off _ with the girl. Lizzy was just this side of not right and it hadn’t taken much to push her over the edge. A change of scenery, the loss of normalcy and structure that life in the prison had offered. Carol had seen the signs but chosen to ignore them. 

Tyreese slid through the door, boots slipping on blood. This was his fault. He was sure of it. He knew that Lizzy wasn’t right. He had intentionally hid it from Carol. Maybe he was afraid of what she would do if she knew just how far gone the girl was, or maybe he was afraid of wearing the blame for whatever happened. It was too late now. Lizzy was dead. Shot by Carol in an act of retribution, mercy maybe, but dead all the same. And Meeka was…

“She’s in here,” he panted.

Carol flew in behind him, going down to her knees much harder than she meant to. The pain was jarring, but not more so than the sight that met her. Meeka was a ghost. Her once sunkissed and bright skin was pallid and grey. Tinged half gone by blood-loss and shock she was a fucking  _ ghost _ . Her dress was hiked up around her rib cage. The small flower print on her too big underwear was drowned in rust and mud. Tyreese bit back a sob. Carol couldn’t stop the tears.

“Oh Meeka, oh my sweet little girl,” she whispered, fingers dancing over her clammy brow. 

“Sh-she’s not dead Carol. We have to do something. I’ve done all I can think of, but it won’t be enough. If we move her, she’ll die.”

The woman moved her gaze from the dull look on Meeka’s face to her stomach. Lizzy had certainly done a number on her. There was a truly horrid tear from one side to the other. The only blessing had been that it was clean. Strange. Most people would struggle, try to get away or pull back from the knife. But Meeka wasn’t most people, was she? Carol’s lip trembled. The girl must have held perfectly still while Lizzy cleaved her in half. But the blood… There was so much gone now that the wound wasn’t even wet. How could she be alive?

As if the thought was enough to pull her under, Meeka started to shake. Carol bit savagely at her own lip. 

“Oh no, no no. Come on sweetheart, you’re alright. It’s alright. Me and Tyreese are gonna fix you up real good, okay? Shh, hush now sweetie. Be still, be still, it’s alright.” 

Carol ran her palm flat over Meeka’s cheek, trying to soothe her through the convulsions. Tyreese was pacing. What could they do? The wound was in such a bad place, it wasn’t a simple wrap and go type of job. They’d need to sew her shut. But if the knife had gone too deep, if it had nicked an organ or anything else important, Meeka would go septic. Tyreese steeled himself. They would need to check.

“Carol,” he spoke firmly now, with authority, “I need you to find us a needle and thread. I’ll need a flashlight as well and plenty of clean rags.”

Even as the words left his mouth, he had no idea what he was going to do. But Carol seemed to relax with the loss of control. It had to be the first time in years where she didn’t need to make a decision in regards to someone’s life. She scuttled upright, swaying a bit before heading off to gather everything Tyreese needed. The man took her place beside the little girl and held her hand. It was ice cold and limp.

“Meeka,” he whispered, “if you can stay with me, stay alive for just a little longer, I swear to you I’ll find that place you wanna go. Even if it takes me the rest of my life, I’ll find you somewhere that no one ever dies.”

She didn’t answer, but he hadn’t expected she would. He rested fingers on her pulse and counted the time between flutters. 47. 47 beats in the span of sixty seconds. It wasn’t good. Even if they managed to stitch her up, there wasn’t enough blood in her body to keep her alive much longer. At least, not all of her. Her hands and feet would be the first to go. Already he could see the softest shade of blue in her fingernails. What little blood she had would be heading inward, staying in her torso and her brain to keep her body alive. Tyreese rubbed her hands and feet. Where the fuck was Carol?

Not a moment later she came skidding into the room. Her fingers were bright white with the force she clutched her tools. 

“I’ve got it, got everything you asked for, please, please Tyreese. Tell me you can save her.”

The man took a shaky breath. 

“What’s your blood type?” 

“What?”

“Carol!” he snapped. “What. Is. Your. Blood type?”

“I-it’s AB, AB.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure. Tyreese, is she gonna be-”

“Quiet, I’m thinking.”

Carol was AB. Unless Meeka was too, her blood would do the girl no good. Tyreese was A. There was no way around it, they’d both have to give her some. With any luck she wouldn’t reject them and it would help. But with the way things had been going, Tyreese was feeling doubtful. 

“Find us something, anything. We need to do a transfusion.”   


Carol was gone before he’d finished the word. There was only one reason to ask what her blood type was. She knew the odds. Ed had sent her to the hospital more than enough times and she knew what blood a body would accept. If Meeka wasn’t AB, if she was something else, Carol wouldn’t be able to save her. It didn’t matter. She’d bleed herself dry to save that little girl.

“Okay Meeka,” Tyreese whispered to her, “I’m gonna stitch you up now. I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I’m sorry if it hurts.”

His hands were steady, even if his voice was not. With a flashlight lodged firmly in his teeth, he inspected the wound. Fingers wiped hastily on a clean rag pulled apart the edges. He ran the soft tip inside, prodding as gentle as he could for any deeper tears. The feeling made him gag. Blood oozed sluggishly from the wound and he couldn’t help but panic. Meeka couldn’t lose more, poking around inside of her wasn’t going to help. If she was gonna die from internal bleeding, she was gonna die. But he’d be damned if she bled out right here when he was supposed to be sewing her shut. 

Careful as can be he threaded the needle and got to work. His stitches were even and small, desperate to leave as minute a scar as possible. Meeka would make it, he had to believe it. Meeka would make it and when she did, she wasn’t going to want a scar to remind her of the ordeal. 

“As soon as Carol gets back, we’ll pump you back up with blood and be on our way. Think you can hold on that long?”

The girl didn’t answer. She didn’t so much as twitch even through the constant pull of the needle. Tyreese cleaned her up as best he could, even going so far as to pull off her dress and slide a clean t-shirt over her from his own stash. It hung loose on her too small frame. He sighed and tugged it up again to keep an eye on the wound. If bruising appeared it would mean she was bleeding inside and he’d have to open her up again. Footsteps had his head turning.

“I found these,” Carol thrust a fistful of porcupine quills out to him, “and some plastic tubing. I think it might have been for a fish tank or something but I poured alcohol through it to be sure it was clean.”

The adults stared at each other in quiet thought. A porcupine quill was not small by any means, but it was hollow and sharp and that would have to do. Tyreese surveyed Meeka’s thin arms. There was no way they’d get a quill in them. His eyes traced her form, looking for a flicker of life that he might tap into. Above the stitches her stomach pulsed. It was the same slow, steady beat he’d felt against her throat not long ago. It would have to do. When he turned to Carol, she was already jamming quills into either end of the thin tube.

“Well,” she swallowed once she had finished, “I’ll go first.”

“Carol,” he started to argue.

“No Tyreese. This is, it’s my fault we’re in this mess. Besides, if, if something goes wrong, I won’t be able to carry her far. It’s better if it was me.”

The big man bit his lip in silent contemplation. No matter how he looked at it, she was right. It was with teary eyes that he cleaned the inside of Carol’s arm. Before he could puncture her, she held the tube to his lips.

“You have to bite down,” her voice trembled. “To make sure I don’t bleed out while you put it in her, you have to bite down.”

Tyreese nodded and did as she asked. The quill fought against Carol’s skin, pushing hard in resistance before finally sliding through. He knew he’d struck true when the tube began to fill. Time was of the essence now. His hands smoothed over Meeka’s stomach, searching for that flicker of life he’d felt not so long ago. It was there, but softer now, losing strength. Her baby-smooth skin didn’t fight as hard as Carol’s. Tyreese felt panic slip into his veins when he didn’t see the telltale red on Meeka’s end. A moment later and the lightest tinge of blood spit back into the tube. Tyreese unclenched his jaw and released the tube, watching as Carol’s life flew into Meeka.

“We won’t leave it long, I don’t want you to lose too much.”

Carol waved her free hand dismissively.

“We’ll leave it as long as we need to. She’s lost too much, I’ll give her all that I can.”

Tyreese kept his palm firmly over the needle lodged in Meeka’s stomach and gestured for Carol to move. 

“I want you up on the coffee table if you can, laying down. Gravity should help move things along. As soon as you feel lightheaded, I’ll take over.”

Carol looked like she might argue but he cut her off.

“We don’t know that your blood is the right type. Don’t be a martyr just because you feel guilty. We’ll give an equal amount and hope for the best. That’s all we can do.”

Carol bowed her head. He was right. Of course he was right. As much as Carol wanted to give Meeka all that she had it would do no good if it wasn’t the right type. It wouldn’t be long until they found out if this was worth it. 

Tyreese tapped her arm.

“It’s my turn.”

She didn’t argue, didn’t try to demand more time on the table. Carol got up and eased the quill into Tyreese’s arm with just as much concentration as he had her. He winced, but didn’t complain. The blood rushed out of him much faster than it had Carol’s. Maybe it was the stress of the situation, maybe because he was so much bigger than her. Whatever the reason, he didn’t bring it to Carol’s attention. Already the color was returning to Meeka’s cheeks. The blue receding from her fingertips. 

“You should get something to drink. Some food too.”

Carol nodded and stepped out of the room. With her gone, Tyreese focused on his breathing. Blood had always made him nauseous and now was no exception. But he’d make it. This wasn’t a simple scrape or even something as terrible as beheading a rotting walker. This was the most pure exchange of  _ life _ that he’d ever known. My life for yours, right?

“Tyreese,” words whispered into his ear.

The man stirred, exhausted and unaware that he’d almost fallen asleep. Carol’s face swam in his vision.

“I think you’ve given enough.”

“Meeka?"

Carol’s lips pursed but she allowed the man to peer at her. The color was back in her arms and legs, the pulse in her stomach jumping enough to make the quill quiver. Tyreese smiled faintly. Well, at least it was working. Carol shook him again. Had he really been falling asleep again?

“It’s time to get up Tyreese, we need to get ready to leave. Here,” she forced a granola bar into his hand, “eat this.”

Tyreese sat up and carefully disconnected first Meeka’s quill and then his own. Both bled a bit, but Carol was quick to bandage them. While the man ate, she tended to Meeka’s stomach. Despite the stitches it would need to be wrapped for transport. Any sudden movement or jarring might tear her back open. It was a risk they couldn’t afford. Neither of them were fit to give more blood and the smell would draw walkers when they moved.

“Can you stand?” Carol’s voice was terse, the slightest tremor giving away her anxiety.

The man pushed himself into a standing position. He had to blink rapidly to dispel the spots dancing in his vision, but he didn’t fall. Meeka still wasn’t moving, hadn’t woken up and he was more than worried. If they moved her wrong, she’d wake up in absolute agony. Tyreese sent a prayer up to whoever was listening. His blurry eyes focused once more on Carol.

“Help me.”   


She was struck dumb by the plea and how it resonated in his throat. Her body moved on its own to Meeka’s side. A sheet wrapped the girl’s still body tightly in a cocoon. Even if she did manage to wake, at least she wouldn’t hurt herself by moving. Tyreese held his arms out to receive her. Carol strained to lift the girl, managing only through grit teeth, and arranged her safely in the man’s grasp. From there she wrapped a second sheet around his torso to secure her.

“Y-you might drop her,” she whispered. “You gave too much Tyreese.”

He sighed. It didn’t matter. Carol knew that, but she didn’t want to be left alone. He could see it in her eyes. The last time, after what happened with Karen, Carol had come back different. It wasn’t just the battle or even Eli’s presence in her life. The woman was quieter, more solemn. Even being around people she once loved and cared for no longer brought a smile to her lips. There was the slightest quirk, but no brightness in her gaze while she watched her people. It was like she expected them to leave. To die.

“I’m fine,” he said at last. Another momentary pause, “I forgive you Carol.”

Tears formed in the woman’s eyes. She sniffed hard and fixed a firm frown on her mouth. 

“For what?” 

“For everything.”

They didn’t speak again. Not when they left the blood stained house. Not when they trudged past Lizzy’s lifeless body. It wasn’t until they had stopped for the night that they even bothered to look at each other. 

Tyreese was a mess. His soft umber skin had gone ashen, more grey and tinged with taupe than glowing with life. A thin sheen of sweat coated his brow. Carol wasn’t doing much better. Her complexion was shaded with green, a color that Tyreese had never thought to see on a living person. Besides that he could see that her hands were shaking. Her grasp on her gun was firm, but not strong enough to steady it.

“We’ll make camp here.”

Carol knew Tyreese wouldn’t argue. She doubted he even could if he wanted to. It had been too much for them. Too much loss, too much blood, too much to lose another child. But they still had hope. They still had Meeka. 

Tyreese went to his knees cradling the girl close. Carol set alarms around the cove of trees they had chosen, not stopping until she was sure they’d hear any approaching walkers. It was the best she could do. They couldn’t climb a tree, not with Meeka. Finding another cabin could take days and quite frankly they didn’t have the strength to keep moving. 

The pair curled around Meeka. If nothing else, they would protect her. Despite their differences and the ache of being away from the people they truly cared for, they would stand together. They had to. 

Tyreese and Carol might be the only ones left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's been some life events goin' down for me people, I'm sorry for being distant from you. But I'll tell you what I've told myself every day for the past few weeks. 
> 
> You are important. It is important to take care of yourself first, even if it is hard.
> 
> Things went south at work, starting with me filing a sexual harassment report and ending with a whole lot of backlash via management. Things were handled very poorly and rather than file a law suit I decided to get out. I wrote myself a resume and a cover letter and got an email back within twelve hours. 
> 
> The job is farther away but less hours, I'll only be working 45 rather than 50. The pay balances me out give or take a little bit. I'm hopeful this will be better for me. So I've been stressed to the point of losing well over ten pounds among other issues but I'm feeling a little more in control. 
> 
> I'm writing as I can, but things might be rocky for a few months. 
> 
> Also it's almost my birthday 
> 
> Know that I love and appreciate all of you who have stuck around even when I fail to post on a regular basis. I'm doing my best and I appreciate your patience. 
> 
> Peace out
> 
> ~ModernElectricity


	84. Broken (Memories) pt III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli lets the boys go off on one last supply run before they leave their small haven. 
> 
> It was a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! It's not Sunday, but close enough!
> 
> Caution: extraneous use of the f-word. Rhymes with fuck.

Rick worried his lip between his teeth.

“You’re sure you’ll be okay?”

Eli managed to suppress the urge to roll her eyes, but Carl had no such luck. The boy threw his arms up in defeat. A grunt of annoyance slipped past his lips.

“God Dad, it’s not like she’s never been alone before!”

The worry etching lines in Rick’s brow deepened. Carl studied him with pursed lips, gaze flicking to Eli. The woman gave him a helpless look and tipped her head to indicate that this situation would be best handled with him present. 

Carl could have screamed.

“Fine! I’ll be outside when you two,” he pointed his finger like a dagger, “figure all this out.”

The adults watched him leave with very different expressions. Eli’s was one of fond exasperation. After all, Carl had been trying to get his father out the door for nearly an hour now. Rick, of course, looked like he was about to lay an egg.

_ -Come here-  _ she signed.

That was all the permission he needed. Rick scrambled onto the low bed and dove into Eli’s open arms. There he burrowed deep into her chest, intent on soaking up her warmth. A rasp of laughter tumbled from Eli’s teeth. Rick whined. It was pitiful and a cheap shot, but he really didn’t want to leave her.

Eli tapped his crown to get his attention. When he made a noise of protest and curled closer, she whacked his arm.

“Okay, okay,” he sat up in surrender. “No need to get violent darlin’.”

She gave him a warning look that softened not a moment later. This was clearly eating him up inside. It was best that she tread carefully here. 

_ -I’ll be okay you know. You’re only going down the street- _

“Down two streets-”

_ -and I’m just going to get some more rest before we head out. This is a good opportunity for you to spend time with Carl anyways.- _

“He’s been with me since the fall!” Rick’s voice went high with disbelief. “We only just got you back yesterday!”

_ -No, no. Don’t do that.- _ Her face was set with sternness.  _ -Carl’s been with your body since the fall, not with you. The way I heard it, you clocked out for a good portion of those days and he had to fend for himself.- _

The man worried his lip again. Eli sighed. While she meant every word, it wasn’t what Rick needed to hear. She plunged cracked fingers through his greasy curls. It made her smile.

_ -When did you last shower?- _

It was so out of left field that Rick laughed out loud. 

“I’ve been a little busy with everything else darlin’,” Eli raised an unimpressed brow. “I don’t know. I guess Carl washed me off when we got here.”

_ -So well over a week then?- _

Rick blew a puff of air at her that brought a smile to her lips. There wasn't much he could say to refute her. Apparently the woman's first thought had been to bathe once she found somewhere safe. Rick's brain didn't function that way. He allowed himself to give her a fond smile. She scooted closer. 

_ -I’ll tell you what. You and Carl go clear those houses down the the side road. When you get back we can grab a quick shower before we leave.- _

Eli licked her lips suggestively.

_ -Or maybe a longer shower.- _

That seemed to bring Rick out. A cheshire grin split his face and his eyes darkened.

“That a promise darlin’?”

She nodded, sealing it with a searing kiss. Rick groaned through his nose against her mouth. Before he could deepen it, Eli was shoving at his shoulder and pulling away. 

_ -That’s enough of that. You can have another taste when you get back.- _

Rick fake moaned and rolled his way off the bed. His gaze swept over Eli’s form. Somehow, despite how poorly they both felt and assuredly looked, he always managed to make her feel like the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

“I’ll be back at noon. Not a minute later.”

In his hand was a watch that Eli fastened on. So the worry wasn’t gone. Too bad, she’d really hoped her teasing would pull him out.

_ -I’ll keep an eye on it.- _

“I love you.”

A jolt ran through them both. Eli could have burst with joy at the words, returning them quickly. Maybe it was just still new, but she hoped she’d always feel this when he said it.

_ -I love you too, be safe.- _

“Always darlin’. I got too much to live for.”

With that he was gone, disappearing from view and earshot within moments. 

Finally.

Eli threw herself backwards, sprawling wide across the bed sheets. For all her bravado, she was fucking tired. A nap would do a lot of good. Last night had been wonderful, but cramming two adults and a growing teenager into one twin sized bed had been, well, difficult to say the least. Not to mention Carl kept waking up with nightmares. To be honest, they all had.

Well. There was nothing to be done about it. Eli burrowed deeper into the blankets and closed her eyes. Sleep crashed over her like a tidal wave. It drowned her and threw her. Restless, her limbs stirred the dust in the air to dance like ballerinas, tickling her unconscious mind.

A crash, laughter. Eli sat up straight. 

Had she slept that long?

A glance at the watch showed barely an hour had passed by. Rick and Carl shouldn’t be back yet. Eli strained her ears to listen in. There wasn’t just one voice, there had to be at least four. Whooping and cruel crows echoed up the stairwell. She heard one say something about a woman’s shirt and claiming-

Eli threw herself off the mattress and rolled, panic clawing at her lungs. Footsteps fell heavy on the stairs as she stared wide eyed from beneath the bed. Boots, muddy and huge made an appearance on the landing, turning left rather than entering the room. Eli thought frantically to what she’d touched, if there was any evidence that she was still in the house. A flicker of sunshine caught her gaze.

Fuck. 

The goddamn bottle of water. She’d asked Carl to bring it to her during one of her earlier attempts at convincing Rick to leave. Eli steeled herself, body shaking. A deep inhale and she rolled from beneath the bed, popping up to grab the bottle and disappearing again.

Not a moment too soon. The boots were back, freezing in the doorway. For a half second she thought he had seen her. God please don’t let him see her. She wasn’t very well hidden.

Fuck!

The familiar tickle was starting in her throat. Trying to keep it at bay, Eli squeezed her eyes shut tight. If she couldn't see, she wouldn't panic. Unfortunately it worsened when the bed bowed, brushing her back with an uncomfortable weight. Eli didn’t dare breathe. Her throat itched, closing and unclosing with no rhythm. If she wasn’t careful her body would give her away. She heard a voice downstairs, acidic and rotten, call for the man in her bed. 

It was, she knew, that  _couldn't_ be-

No other word for it.

She froze.

Everything stopped for her. Her heart, her lungs. The world got quieter save for the constant tick tick tick tick of her watch. The feet trudging up the stairs now were slower, patient. She could run. Make a break for it, back to the room Carl had made a nest in and out the window. But still her body wouldn’t move. 

The boots came into view. 

Gruff words were exchanged. Threats tossed only moments before fists. The man above her was suddenly beside her, eyes going wide as he took her in. Eli couldn’t breathe still. Was she caught? 

But before the man could raise the alarm, he was choking. A boot crushed his windpipe. It cut off his air and thankfully his foul, wretched voice. Eli stared at him almost curiously as he went purple. The boot didn’t move until he’d stopped moving. For a second she could have sworn he was dead. Hope unfurled like a desert rose. 

The barest whisper of rancid breath proved her wrong.

She needed to move.

The second man was heavier than the first. His weight on the mattress was more crushing against her spine. It pinned her. Would she be able to get out? Could she do it without him noticing? Snores from above pierced the thick mattress. If she timed it right, she could do it. 

Eli took a deep breath, deeper than she could given her state. Whether her throat seized or not, she couldn’t stay here. On the exhale she wrapped bony fingers around the footboard and  _ pulled _ . 

Her body dragged out from under the man’s, hip bones bruising painfully on the wood floor. Up! Eli stood in a flourish. Moved against protesting muscles, protesting lungs, gasping breaths and out the door of the room. She heard a dull thud echo around her. 

Oh no.

Footsteps  _ again _ on the stairs. A whistle overtook the air, piercing and melodic. The music was a lie that pulsed violently against her ear drums. Her feet moved silent away from the stairs, into the room with the nest, straight to the window.

Fuck!

Her lips moved and she was for once grateful she couldn’t speak. The adrenaline was crippling her by now. Eli’s hands shook violently against the window. 

It wasn’t moving.

She rushed to the neighboring window, tugging at it futilely. No, no no no. Her nails dug painfully into the painted wood. Her heart was pounding harder than she could remember but there was no  _ time _ for panic.

Eli turned.

The whistling was drawing closer.

She whirled, eyes darting about the room. Where could she hide? The bed sat on a box, no slipping beneath this one. No way out, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Eli pressed hard against the wall, thanking every god she knew for the posters hiding the reflective windows.

Boots stopped heavy in the door frame. If she wanted to, she could reach out, just inches to the right, and touch the man. A dull thud against the opposite wall had her jumping.  _ Fuck _ , he was bouncing that goddamn ball again. One wrong toss, one misplacement of his hand and the ball would go rolling. If that happened, if that happened, he’d find her.

The chemicals in her veins made her face red. A drop of sweat itched its way down her cheek. Simple fact of the matter was that no one had this much luck. Surely the man would get curious and come in the room. As quiet as she was being, her breath was ragged, catching violently on the creases in her throat. Hell, had he not been whistling, there was no way he would have missed it. 

A filthy hand came into view. Eli pressed herself harder into the wall desperate to sink down beneath its paint. The fist was clenched around the ball, whistling temporarily stalled. Had he heard her? Oh god, was he going to come in?

The floor creaked as he shifted his weight. Eli bit savagely at her lip, hard enough to bleed. Barely a breath later and his whistling started up again. She blinked. It wasn’t feet from her anymore, it was back in the hall. From the sound of it he was headed back downstairs.

No time to dwell, Eli danced from her hiding place, feet silent against the old floors. Out to the landing again. Her gaze barely caught the man’s hairline from the stairs as she made her way back to the bedroom. Here she froze again. The snoring had stopped. 

Shit, Eli backed away slowly. Shit shit shit. How much time did she have? There was cheers from downstairs, someone calling out that they’d grab a gun. Boots again, different  _ again _ coming closer, so fast. She scrambled away, ducking into the bathroom just as the man reached the landing. He hadn’t seen her, she assured herself, his face was aimed down. She was safe, safe as long as no one thought to come in he-

The hair on the back of her neck stood up.

Eli turned slowly. A man was sitting slack-jawed on the toilet. Half a breath moved between them before her reflexes kicked in. Eli’s fist slammed into his eye socket, followed quickly by a jab to the throat. It’d do her no good if he called out. But the man was resilient. Even dazed and unable to catch his breath he lunged at her. Hands wrapped around her throat and  _ squeezed _ .

Eli clawed at him, fingernails tearing hard into thick skin. Her head smacked painfully against the tile floor as he threw her down. No time. He would be able to scream in a matter of seconds. She rolled, using the tension in her arms to launch her legs up and catch him in the chest. He stumbled. Thin hands darted out to grasp and ankle and  _ pull _ . 

Down he went, twisting comically on the bath mat to face plant with a dull thud. Quickly now, no time to lose. Eli crawled up his body and dug sharp knees into soft arms. Her hands wrapped around his forehead and chin just as he opened his mouth and-

Snap!

A full body shudder shook her.

Immediately his body went limp beneath her. Eli couldn’t move. She could barely even breathe. That stupid fucking rushing sound was back in her ears, too much blood, too much panic too much-

Tick tick tick tick.

Her eyes snapped to her wrist. 

Fuck.

Five minutes to noon. She had to move or, or Carl and Rick would come and walk right into-

Fuck!

Eli dragged herself upright and aimed a body that felt much too heavy at the window. This one opened on the first try. Out she went, dangling from the gutter and dropping down without a sound. 

Three minutes to noon.

Eli hugged the wall, flinching with every laugh and crash from within the house. All it’d take was one person deciding to go outside. Fresh air, alone time, a passing thought and she’d be caught. 

Two minutes to noon.

Her thoughts betrayed her, breathing life into the fear there. The screen door slammed ominously, boots moving leisurely across the porch. A thud, followed by another and Eli knew just who this was. The whistling confirmed it. Of all the men in the house, this one was the most silent. He moved with purpose, with stealth and without a word. 

One minute.

She could see them. Eli watched helpless as Rick and Carl made their way back to her. To  _ them _ . Her lips pursed. This was it. If she whistled, if she did that one, piercing, whistle Daryl had drilled into her. If she screeched out danger, they’d run. It wasn’t a come and save me whistle. It was a, I’m going to die and you need to run now and run fast, whistle. Daryl taught her, taught all of them, that if they heard this particular whistle, they would follow through. No one was allowed to play hero. If she did it, they’d listen.

Eli took a shuddering breath. 

The barest notes breezed from her lips when growling and shouts sounded from the house. The boots on the porch rushed off. This was her chance! Eli streaked away from the wall and straight for the boys. They caught sight of her and slowed down, smiles slipping from mouths. All it took was a look.

_ -Go!- _ she signed desperately,  _ -Go, go go go, don’t stop.- _

Rick grabbed Carl and turned on his heel. Eli pushed her legs to the breaking point to catch up. Blue eyes meant brown with absolute panic and fingers stretched to intertwine. 

“Eli?”

Carl’s voice was small and breathless but she could only shake her head.

_ -We can’t stop, not yet.- _

They ran for at least ten minutes, only stopping once Eli had dragged them far away from where they had begun. As the boys caught their breath, she was pacing in circles, walking backwards, and dragging her feet in swaying motions up and down the road.

“What, what was that Eli? What the fuck was that?” Rick was panting and wild eyed.

Eli didn’t pause to answer. For a moment she sort of looked pained, like Rick’s lack of understanding was a physical ache that she felt somewhere in the tight clench of her jaw. It wasn't the look he'd been hoping for. Anger flared in his gut, gnarled and ugly from confusion and ignorance.

_ -Wait.- _

“Wait?” Carl whispered the word, too alarmed to argue. 

With hardly a glance in his direction, she took off running. The slap of her feet against the solid pavement, dragging sideways on occasion left Carl speechless. Rick, however, was not at a loss for words. The sudden change in pace, the terror and the, the _not knowing_ drove him to do something stupid. Reckless. He gave chase.

“You have three seconds to tell me what the fuck we’re running from Eli, do you hear me?” he roared at her back. “One!”

She didn’t so much as twitch in acknowledgement, darting to the left and between two houses faster than Rick could track. 

“Two!” 

The timbre of his voice resonated in her very bones but she wasn’t going to stop running for a goddamn thing. The footfalls behind her were drawing nearer. She put on a final burst of speed, aiming at the treeline.

“Three!”

Rick’s very solid body slammed into hers. She grunted, thrown by the collision and sprawled through the dirt. Her wild eyes made contact with Rick’s rabid ones and she suddenly remembered exactly why she’d once called him the ice man. His hands wrapped hard around her ankles and  _ pulled _ . 

Eli fought back. Her short fingernails dug into the unforgiving earth, tearing at dry grass and loose stone. It did nothing to deter the man and desperation makes monsters of us all. Before Rick could blink, she planted a foot firmly against his chest and shoved off. His nails caught and drew blood. A dull hiss escaped Eli’s lips.

“No you don’t!” he growled.

Rick lunged for her again, this time grabbing hold of her hips. Eli moaned from the impact, weight crushing her twisted body into the ground, bruises searing deep into her bones. Her mind raced. Did she keep fighting? There was still so much… she couldn’t just  _ stop _ , not half finished like this. Panic still clawed at her. A face loomed very close to her own.

“That’s enough,” deep, so deep it hurt, “tell me what you’re running from. Right. Now.”

Eli was frozen. She’d never seen this side of Rick. Didn’t understand where it had come from or what it meant. Her hands were trapped between their heaving chests but honestly, she didn’t think Rick even remembered she needed them to speak. His pupils were blown wide with something she couldn’t identify. It was dark. Fathomless.

There was a click.

“Let her go Dad.”

Eli craned her neck to focus bloodshot eyes on the boy. Carl had his gun aimed at Rick. Had this been any other time, Eli would have been shocked. But this, this wasn’t the, she wasn’t, her brain wasn’t  _ functioning _ and she didn’t know how to react to  _ anything _ , let alone this. Rick must’ve had a better grip on reality because she felt him leave her. 

It was strange. She was left… bereft. 

Carl didn’t lower his gun, keeping it trained on his father even as he raised his hands.

“Carl,” he tried, “this isn’t what it lo-”

“Shut up,” he snapped. “You don’t get to talk right now.”

The man swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing ominously. 

Fuck, this was all so wrong. So wrong.

“Eli?” Carl’s voice was soft, as if speaking to a child.

She shuddered, still trying desperately to catch her breath. Both boys were suddenly very aware of the high pitched wheezing coming from her. This wasn’t a panic attack. This was something else entirely. 

“Eli?” panic now, alarm, worry, fear.

Eli heard every note in his voice. Every emotion poured into that two syllable name. That fucking name. 

_ -Wait.- _

“Okay,” Carl nodded, his gun coming down. “Okay Eli. We can wait.”

He shot a glare at his father, daring him to disagree. Rick was already nodding along, eyes locked on his lover. Both eased down to sit facing the woman. She hadn’t moved. Her hips were still rotated painfully away from her chest, head tilted to the side with empty eyes. 

“Darlin’?” Rick sounded small, timid in a way he hadn’t been before. 

_ -Wait.- _

Her ankles throbbed, rivulets torn in uneven strands that didn’t quite break and bleed. Nothing mattered right now. Nothing but breathing and reminding herself not to make it worse. An increase of pulse, the slightest misstep would send her tumbling into suffocation. 

_ -We are running- _ her arms came back down to rest a moment, blood too busy pumping elsewhere,  _ -we are running from some very bad people.- _

“What happened?” Carl asked.

_ -Heard voices. Wasn’t you. Panicked, hid under bed.- _

Her signs were sloppy, a testament to her exhaustion. Rick scooted closer still, relieved when she didn’t move away. Carl frowned at him, but didn’t comment. Eli took a deeper breath, regaining strength.

_ -They, they said some awful things Rick. Just being in the same house as them made my skin crawl. I knew they weren’t good people. And the leader, he, he’s so quiet. So like Daryl- _

“Was it," he swallowed down a shudder, "was it him?” 

Part of him didn’t want to know, couldn’t imagine that their lover had run off and become something so-

_ -Of course it wasn’t Daryl you idiot- _ Eli cut off his thought, even lifting her head to glare.  _ -Who the fuck knows where he is, but at least he’s smart enough not to get tangled up with these men. You know that Rick. I know you do.- _

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, ashamed.

Carl’s look softened at his father’s words. Rick hadn’t meant to imply that Daryl had left them for something so low. The thought of his lost lover had driven him to seek resolution. Even if he  _ had _ gone so far astray, at least they would know where he was. They could bring him back.

_ -He just moved like him. I’m guessing a tracker. If it hadn’t been for a very convenient, accidental distraction, I would probably be dead. You two might have been caught.- _

“What drew them off?” Carl asked.

_ -I killed one of them. In the bathroom. I guess he turned.- _

Rick drew a breath. It was a heavy thing to end someone. Sure, she’d done it in the past. But not like this. Never like this.

_ -He, he saw me, when I tried to get out of the house. I knew he would tell the others, alert them to my presence. I couldn’t let that happen. I, I just couldn’t. We fought, and I guess I won.- _

The hollow look in her eyes didn’t match her words.  Sitting alive, breathing broken and ragged, Rick knew that. Carl saw it in the way she lay defeated before them. She hadn’t won.

These days, no one did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo we are going a little dark here. And don't think we're letting Rick get away with putting hands on Eli, cuz we are not. It'll be addressed later.
> 
> FYI  
> There are three, possibly five more chapters to this particular book (not the right word, I dunno what else to call it)  
> Never fear! I'm just breaking it down based on movement. It also feels fresher that way, at least to me. It also gives people the search exclusively for finished works to find this story. 
> 
> This won't be the end, just the end of the first in a series. Could be two books long, could be three, could be ten and I'll be writing well into my nineties. Who knows. 
> 
> ModernElectricity


	85. Stranded pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we have Beth and Michonne. 
> 
> When an adversary rises up to meet them, will they survive the fallout?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! 
> 
> I'm back people!  
> There's some sex in this chapter, some language, some blood. Ya know, the usual
> 
> See bottom notes if you would like, but don't feel obligated!

Michonne heard the car door slam from inside the shack. Panic gripped her while the room swayed.

“Beth?”

Her voice sounded foreign even to herself. Too much to drink. Too much said. Too much left unsaid. The woman struggled to her feet and towards the door. 

“Beth!”

A real hint of terror now. Michonne had asked her, told her to stay inside the last time their alarms had gone off. That fucking dog. If the situation had been any less worrying, she might have laughed. As it was, she was struggling just to open the door. 

Michonne’s hands shook in a way that they hadn’t in years. Not since Andre, not since  _ before _ . The blonde had been angry with her. Hands sharp and words sharper, cutting deep enough into her that she felt it in her soul. 

The door opened. 

What had they even been fighting over? Had it really been something so stupid? Beth swore up and down that she wasn’t going to survive this hell. Michonne hadn’t argued, hadn’t even bothered to say something as kind as keep fighting. She let Beth get drunk and say words she knew she didn’t mean. All because she wasn’t willing to talk about Andre. 

There was a car on the road. Black. White cross smeared like a curse across the back window. 

Beth had pushed. And pushed harder still until Michonne saw red. Couldn’t the girl see that this wasn’t something she was willing to discuss? No. Not girl. Beth was a woman now. Been through enough shit to have earned that at least. Seen her daddy die, didn’t she? Hadn’t even shed a tear. Not in all this time they’d been running. Certainly not while in the grasp of alcohol. Not like Michonne. 

Her feet moved on their own. A numbness that couldn’t be attributed to intoxication had spread through her limbs. She was moving fast, but she might as well have been under water with how much ground she covered.

Blonde hair. Red stains. A struggle. She read it all in the mud by the side of the road.

Oh god. She wouldn’t survive this. Not the loss of another. 

Michonne edged ever closer. To the body. No! Not the body. To Beth. This was Beth afterall. A grim smile parted her lips. At least she’d taken one of the fuckers with her. 

A man in full riot gear was splayed out beside her, his head cracked like an egg, blood pouring from the seam. Good. Fucker deserved it after what he’d done…

Groans, soft and almost melodic, came from Beth’s body. Her face was turned away. If not for the blood ringing her head like a halo, she could have been sleeping. Michonne drew her sword. 

So little time. All of it wasted. The words they’d exchanged were trivial at best. Michonne deflecting any depth that the blonde sought to dive into. It wasn’t even that she hadn’t wanted to say... more so that she was afraid once that box was opened, she might never shut it again. They had kept moving. A new place every day or so. It had been a week but it felt longer. Time moved differently like this. 

The groaning was louder now. Full bodied. Michonne stepped closer, her face a mask of pain and sorrow. She couldn’t do it. Not again. Not to someone she-

Beth rolled over.

Piercing blue eyes, sometimes green but so so blue in this moment. The blonde stared up at Michonne, fuzzy, not quite focused. 

“You best not be lookin’ to use that on me.”

The floodgates opened. Michonne fell to her knees and  _ crawled _ to Beth. Through the mud and blood and proverbial shit she dragged her too tired body to the woman that made her get up in the morning. The woman that gave her the strength to keep moving when every part of herself said to  _ lay down _ . And when she had her, when Beth was locked tight in Michonne’s arms, she was sure she’d never let her go.

“I thought-”

“I was dead?” a tired chuckle slipped past her bared teeth. “Not a chance. Who knows what trouble you’d get up to without me-”

Lips descended onto lips, full and desperate. Beth couldn’t help but exhale in surprise. With eyes wide open, the only thing she could see were the tears streaming down Michonne’s face. The woman held her like she was special. Like she might disappear in a second if given the opportunity to escape. 

A tongue worked gently at the corner of her mouth. 

Without meaning to, Beth let her eyes slide shut. Her bloodied fingers made their way to Michonne’s hair and lay tangled there between dreadlocks. Hands were pressing her closer. Close enough that she could feel Michonne’s heart pounding through three layers of clothing. Close enough to feel her sorrow. When she felt fingers slip to the skin of her ribs, Beth pulled away.

“Wait.”

Michonne was hazy at best. Drunk again, lost in the comfort of Beth, the sweetness of her mouth, the warmth of her touch. But she listened. She ripped herself from the blonde like a woman asked to stop breathing. Panting,  _ wanting _ . 

“Michonne I, we-”

“I’m sorry,” the older woman blurted. “I shouldn’t have ignored you for all those weeks. I shouldn’t have pushed you away after I kissed you. It didn’t mean nothing to me, it wasn’t a distraction for you when you got sad or upset. It was as real for me as it was for you. It was for you, right? But it doesn’t matter now because I can’t go back and I hope that you don’t want to. You don’t want to, right? Because right now, with you here with me, I feel more alive than I’ve felt in  _ years _ Beth. Please tell me you feel the same.”   


There was a pregnant pause. Chapped lips brushed against Michonne’s cheek. A small answer to the question she’d been trying to ask. Will you have me? And Beth said, I will. But the cheshire grin that spread across the blonde’s face was out of place. Michonne tilted her head in confusion.

“I was only going to say we need to tie that fucker up first,” Beth smirked while nodding towards the man with the split skull. “He’s not dead. But he’s gonna wish he was.”

As if to seal the promise, Beth pressed her mouth once more to Michonne. This kiss felt different. There wasn’t the desperate passion of having just found the person you cared most about alive. There was only the firm reassurance that they would have their moment. That they weren’t finished yet. Michonne felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips.

When Beth finally pulled away, her eyes were wide and dark. It was something to behold. The very face of innocence in this world, framed in blood, outlining desire.  _ Need _ . Michonne drew in a shaking breath. 

“Let’s get this over with.”

The pair split. Beth trotted back into the shack, her nose wrinkling at the smell. Moonshine didn’t mix well with cat piss, and there seemed to be plenty of both here. But it hadn’t mattered. Not when they first found it two days before and not now. Home was where you made it, her daddy used to always say that. Hands curling over a length of rope, Beth couldn’t help reflect on that. Who’d have thought that home would include a bleeding hostage? Stepping out the door again, she heard Michonne’s voice carry softly to her.

“He’s waking up.”

She picked up the pace. While they could just knock him back out, Beth would rather not deal with all that nonsense. Not to mention they might accidentally kill him. No. Beth wanted him alive. With sure and nimble fingers, she laced the man to the rear tire of his car. Michonne kept an eye out for walkers. The only proof Beth had that she had felt something in their stolen kisses was the way she  _ stared _ at her. Even in the dark she could feel it. There was something hungry about Michonne’s gaze, as if nothing would satisfy her but Beth. 

“He the only one?” she asked, low, like honey.

Beth swallowed.

“He is now.”   


Her chin tilted towards a body on the opposite side of the car. Michonne couldn’t see anything but boots, but she trusted that Beth had dealt with whoever it had been correctly. They wouldn’t come back. The older woman sheathed her sword.

“Come here.”

It was said like a demand. A plea. A request, an out, and invocation calling to Beth as if she were something divine and in need of worship. She didn’t need to answer. Hell, she’d been answering this call for months without release. Now that the moment was finally here, she didn’t feel excitement. She didn’t feel an overwhelming tidal wave of emotion or lust threatening to consume and drown her. She felt peace. The very fire of life burned low in her stomach. It warmed her from the inside and gave promise of whatever she chose to make it into. Her feet moved forward.

Groans from their captive broke the spell. Beth paused, leg still raised to take another step and blinked hard at the man. Before she could take another breath, Michonne was stalking forward. Her sword glinted in the moonlight.

“You’ll want to stay very quiet,” her words weren’t a threat, more of a promise. “If you make too much noise you’ll attract walkers. You’re going to stay here for a little while. Do you understand?”

The man looked furious, but nodded. The movement opened a slight cut on his throat, blood curling over the edges of torn skin. Michonne’s teeth flashed.

“Your friend over there wasn’t so lucky. But you’re smarter than they were, aren’t you? I know you know that blood will draw the dead just as well as noise. So maybe it’s better you don’t make any at all,” she leaned forward, like she was sharing a secret, “just to be sure.”

The man didn’t even try to argue. It would have accomplished nothing. Anyone with eyes could see that he was no longer in control. Michonne stood in one fluid motion, pivoting on her heel and grabbing Beth’s arm as she strode back into the shack. 

“No more interruptions,” she mumbled. “No more excuses.”   


Beth’s heart rate picked up. The slam of the front door was the only warning she had before Michonne was on her. Beth’s body was caged against the wall, trapped in a way she had only ever imagined between Michonne’s sturdy arms. Searing lips pressed against her jaw, her neck, her cheek, even her brow. It was overwhelming.

But she wouldn’t just stand by idly like some schoolgirl in a stairwell. Beth’s hands raked fine paths over Michonne’s skin, from her arms to her shoulders. Fingers demanding removal of excess clothes. An excuse to get closer by pulling the ever present vest from her shoulders. Michonne was breathing shallow, allowing every effort Beth made to take control. Once questing hands finally met sweat-soaked skin, Michonne sprung into action. 

Beth groaned when a knee applied firm pressure against her core. The sound of it was swallowed in lips too hot to be human, so sinful she could have sworn Michonne was the devil herself. Beth could handle the heat. They lived in Hell every day, it wouldn’t be the strangest thing to happen. 

“Beth?”

Michonne gave one last out. One final time to run away. If things had been less intense, Beth might have actually laughed. She’d never run from this. Not before, and certainly not now that every single thing she wanted was within her grasp. Beth ground down firmly on Michonne’s leg and smothered her question with her mouth.

The older woman’s chest heaved.

“The things-”

Beth shook her head, lips brushing over too sensitive skin. 

“Please,” she whispered, “I just, please Michonne, I  _ need _ you.”

Hot breath blew back the fine hairs at her temples. Fingers crawled over the blonde’s skin and tugged hard at her shirt. Beth wrenched the offending article off. Pupils blown wide, the only thing she saw was the woman before her. There was a hunger in her look, dark eyes tracing Beth’s every curve and a tongue poking out to wet far too dry lips. Thumbs pressed hard enough to bruise into jutting hip bones.

“Come here.”

The blonde whimpered. How could she resist? How could she ignore those two growled words that went straight to her head? Hazy, high on lust, drunk with need she melded their bodies back together. Rough palms smoothed over her stomach, tearing down her back and inching closer to the waistline of her pants. Beth shook her head slightly, desperate for breath but not willing to release the woman in her grasp. 

“Too much, too much, you’re, Mi-, too many-”

Michonne took a guess at what she needed. They separated again, this time moving slower, less desperation. Shared breath. Warm sighs and apologies curling between them. Forgiveness and vows exchanged just loud enough to drown out the uncertainty. 

Beth guided them back, away from the door and deeper into the shack that hadn't quite felt like home until just now. Until this moment. When the threadbare carpet reached up to embrace them, she followed it down. Michonne let her lead. It was strange, foreign and unmistakably  _ real _ . Even back, long before the dead and napalm and screaming refugees trapped behind walls that were meant to keep them safe, Michonne had never given in. Never let someone else take control of her so completely as Beth was now. 

She was careful. So careful. Fingers trailing over the swell of the older woman’s chest. Dipping down to trace the trail of salty sweat where it trickled from her throat to navel. Intimate. When Michonne’s breath hitched, she pulled back.

“Can I?”

“ _ Please. _ ”

Beth unbuttoned her pants. One last deep breath to calm herself and a mantra repeating in her head about how much she wanted this and that was it. 

“Fuuuuckkkk,” Michonne moaned against her knuckles. 

Beth’s eyes fluttered shut as she tasted the older woman. Salty, a little sweet, and unmistakably  _ her. _ The way Michonne just melted into the floor, lying limp and boneless and totally at Beth’s mercy did something to the blonde. A little whimper slipped between her lips. The sound was enough to make Michonne jump, her thighs clamping around Beth’s ears, fingers twisting in her hair. That was enough. The blonde slid her palms from her knees to her center, prying apart her legs enough to dive deeper. The new angle did something obscene to Michonne. 

She squirmed. She thrashed against it with eyes squeezed shut and Beth’s name falling from her mouth in a constant plea. This. This was what she’d been looking for. The blonde couldn’t help smiling against her anymore than she could help the path her hand took to her own core. Beth whined low while she circled her clit. 

Michonne’s eyes snapped open at the sound. She propped herself up on her elbows to take in the view.

“Holy shit.”

Beth had her face buried between her legs, bright blue eyes locked on her own. One hand was digging nails into the soft skin of her leg, the other buried in the hem of Beth’s jeans. They rode low on her hips, no doubt forced out of the way in her desperation to touch herself. Michonne felt her own want grow inside like a crescendo. 

“Beth,” she breathed.

The woman moaned. Michonne had to swallow hard to find her voice once more. 

“Come here.”

Arms open wide, Beth scrambled up her body, pausing to lap lightly at her nipple before continuing upwards. Michonne pulled her in for a searing kiss, all teeth and wet lips, tasting herself on Beth. All the while, the blonde’s hand hadn’t once moved from her jeans. Through the dark material, she could see just how much the blonde needed release. It was time for her to take back control. 

She rolled them, her body crashing down to meet the thrust of Beth’s hips. Hungry hands forced the younger woman’s pants down to her ankles. The effort it took to kick them off was more aggravating than funny. But Michonne distracted her. Fingers probed gently at her entrance, a thumb circling her clit effortlessly. 

“Inside, inside, please Mi-, please inside.”

Beth babbled nonsense, not sure where to rest her hands and settling for dragging them down Michonne’s back. Her leg came up to press against her core and the older woman shamelessly ground down on it. Groans and whining resounded between them. It was when Beth bit down hard on her shoulder that Michonne finally slipped inside. 

“Oh,” a sigh from the blonde.

Their coupling was fast after that, both chasing the edge, forcing one another over and coming down together. Blue stared into brown. The air between them belonged to no one and simultaneously both. 

“I love you.”

A smile lit up Beth’s face. Tears burned at the edges of Michonne’s vision at the sight. It had been too long that they’d gone on without joy. With fear and sadness and the empty hopelessness that inevitably came with so many dead. They deserved happiness. Michonne would be damned if she didn’t let this happen. 

“I love you too.”

Dressing was a more solemn affair. Like in putting on their clothes they also reshouldered the burdens of their lives. The moment they stepped outside this place, the little sanctuary they’d carved out for themselves, the real world would come rising back up to bite them. One last lingering gaze shared between them and a final nod of acceptance. 

Their captive about jumped out of his skin when the screen door slammed unforgiving against the ramshackle cabin. Purpose and rage fueled Michonne, the passion of her coupling mutating to something violent. Her stride shook the earth, each inch closer to the man, the would be kidnapper of the woman she  _ loved _ brought him closer to death. Of that he was sure. The little blonde was still close to the shack. Her body flitting in and out, motions aborted and twisted like she didn’t want him to see what she was doing. 

“What are you going to do to me?” he spat, blood flecking the ground. 

Michonne leaned down close. Her white teeth flooding his vision. 

“Oh,” she growled low, “it’s not what we’re going to do to you. It’s what you’re going to do  _ for _ us.”

He paled further.

“Please-”

“No,” she flicked her hand dismissively. “That time has come and gone. It was  _ your _ people that attacked us. Your people that took the word of a rapist and murdered ours. You killed our family.”

“So you’re going to kill me? Is that it?” His features were twisted somewhere between terror and spite. 

Michonne let him sit there. Waited for that look to slide away like the blood draining from his face down deep,to  somewhere she couldn’t see. Retreating from the immovable presence that was her stare. When at last he submitted, when he could no longer look her in the eye, she answered him.

“No. We won’t kill you. Not yet at least. You see, right now, we need you.” Hope lit him up from the inside and Michonne was quick to cripple it. “Well, need isn’t the right word. Having you alive will make things easier in the time being, but we can certainly do this without you.”

He gulped.

“What do you want from me?”

Michonne blessed him with a TV smile, all bared teeth and false promise.

“All you have to do, is get us to your camp. Take us to your people, the people who attacked us without mercy or cause.”

Panic clawed at his lungs. Behind her, the blonde was watching without expression. Something flickered in her grasp, but the adrenaline in his veins made his vision swim.

“W-what are you going to do?”

The older woman leaned back, bliss now replacing that false grin. When he got his answer, it didn’t come from her. No, that little blonde, the one he’d underestimated and tried to kidnap. The one he  _ wanted _ badly enough that he’d followed them for days now. At the flick of her wrist, his future was forfeit. Her face was stone and her lips the gavel sentencing his life.

“We’re gonna burn it down.”

The fire engulfing the cabin was nothing compared to the one burning in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man it's been a busy few (many) months!
> 
> Between writers block and getting a new job (working 60 hours a week now) and going to school more often (taking two classes this semester) and also I'm getting married in six months (woot woot!) there has been little time to write.
> 
> But I promise I'll be updating again, at least once a month. but hopefully more than that. Pretty soon we will be transitioning into the next "book" of this series. When that happens this will be marked as complete and you can start on the next dose of story.
> 
> Also, I've started writing an AU of this. We're going to have mostly the same characters but a very different story, sans zombies. I have to hit a certain point before I post that, but once I do, I hope you'll give that story a shot as well!
> 
> Comment, kudos, whatever you like. I'm so pleased that people have still been reading this story despite my prolonged absence. 
> 
> Ya'll rock  
> ModernElectricity


	86. Broken IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is catching up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fast paced people, we've got some non-graphic rape allusions happening here. I'm more than likely never going to go into detail with rape in this story, the closest being what Lydia did to Daryl.
> 
> I'll throw up a quick warning when it's about to almost happen, but be assured it isn't going to happen, there is nothing graphic. Ya'll saw the show, I don't need to spell it out for you.

It had been days.

Three days of backtracking and aimless wandering at Eli’s near hysterical insistence. Another two of sleeping in shifts, her hands like ice when she shook the boys awake. Neither were sure she’d slept. Neither were willing to ask.

Carl took it silently. Reverted back to that quiet place in his head that he’d found while he was out alone with Eli. Signing the bare minimum, never speaking to Rick. Not even really looking at him. For what it was worth, he still wasn’t sure he forgave him for what he’d done to Eli.

“Carl,” Rick tried again. Always with the outstretched hand and pleading eyes to get the boy to speak. “Carl, can you please talk to me?”

He stiffened, eyes locked on the ever present, always swaying form of Eli several yards ahead of them. The sound of his father’s voice an anvil against unused eardrums.

_-Not safe.-_

Rick licked his lips and shifted his gaze between his family. Eli was a ghost. A shell of the woman she had been only weeks before, happy and alive in the home they’d built for themselves. The shadows under her eyes had become etched there. Blackened, dead like her lips that no longer mouthed sweet nothings against the column of his throat. She didn’t sign. Her hands never once coming up to say a word of reassurance or indicate that she had any sort of a plan, even an explanation for why they were still running a goddamn week after their encounter with those men.

“E-Eli?”

She didn’t so much as twitch.

They couldn’t go on like this. The silence, the fear and pain and striking hunger in the pit of their stomachs. Carl was fairing better than the adults. He could tell in the absent spaces that took up residence in Eli’s face. In the way his father’s bones were all sharp angles and rough edges through the worn fabric of his shirt. After all, five days prior he’d been eating regularly. Rick had only woken up just before and Eli, Eli had been nowhere. She still hadn’t spoken on what she saw. What she experienced. But her decimated form proved that she hadn’t eaten. Not once since they’d left the prison at least.

Night was coming.

Rick watched the light leave the sky slowly, trickling and draining like all the hope they once carried. Like the love they’d once shared. Something hot and desperate curled in his gut. No. They wouldn’t lose it. They wouldn't lose a goddamn thing, not each other, not their love, and certainly not hope. Whatever was after them, real or otherwise, they would face it together.

His resolve strengthened, Rick widened his strides, passing a surprised Carl and pulling up in front of Eli.

She looked up at him. Confusion laced the dull stare she'd been sporting since he had thrown her to the ground. The memory of his own stupidity closed his throat around whatever brave speech he’d been preparing to make. All thoughts drifted away except for this.

“I love you.”

Black eyes watched back. Watched the pull of his adam’s apple. The flutter of pulse around his temple. Rick reached for her, relieved when she didn’t flinch away, worried again at the temperature of her cheek. The grit and grime obscuring just how bad things had become for her. Eli didn’t move. Let him observe her like she was something new and terrifying. Something he wanted very badly to love and keep safe, hide away from the world. But things were rarely so straightforward. Life rarely so kind.

“It’s time to rest.”

Her eyes slid shut. When she fell, Rick caught her. The soft hands of his son smoothing back her twisted hair and a bottle of half gone, half stale water wetting her lips. A car door creaked to life and the body holding hers moved towards the sound. She whimpered.

“Sh, it’s okay now darlin’. We’re okay.”

“Dad,” Carl spoke quietly, “she’s so cold.”

Rick’s chest hitched against her shoulder. Eli wanted to speak, say anything at all to reassure them that she was okay. But the weight of her arms was too much. The lump in her throat bigger now than the tear separating her vocal cords. When dust reached up to hold her close, she didn’t fight it. The musty fabric of seats long in need of washing flooded her senses. Far away and underwater she heard the gentle rumbling of father and son.

“I’m going to get a fire going.”

Rick gnawed on his lips, a nasty habit he’d picked up from Daryl. There were a thousand reasons not to start one. Whatever Eli believed was following them might see it. It could draw walkers. One glance back at the blackened feet poking out of the open car door told him that didn’t matter. Eli needed this. And that was all the reason Rick needed.

“Keep your gun out.”

Rick made his way back to his lover, assessing the damage. She was limp but conscious. The act of putting one foot in front of the other was a rhythm that had kept her moving and when he’d stopped it, he’d stopped her. Eli was there, but barely. Rick rooted around the front seat, praying for food. A discarded granola bar. A forgotten bar of chocolate. His hand cramped painfully while he searched between the seat and center console. Success made him whoop with joy.

A bag of fruit gummies and half a candy bar rose between twisted knuckles. His effort was nearly wasted when a hand, cold as ice, brushed his spine.

“Eli?”

Three fingers spread weakly and tapped once to her chin. Rick scrambled to get her upright. She was breathing fast, heart fluttering like a bird’s against his palm. Too long without water then. He’d know that sign anywhere. His own lips cracked and chaffed against his salty tongue, but Rick couldn’t help but soothe his lover.

“Easy now, easy darlin’.”

It wasn’t much. An inch of cloudy water at the bottom of a bottle long crushed and worn with overuse. She guzzled it. Stray drops tracing tracks from the corners of her mouth and into the grime encircling her throat. Like a bruise. A brand. Rick swallowed.

“We gotta rest. We gotta stop now. It’s been, it’s been well over a week now, darlin’. If someone was followin’ us, they’d be off the trail now. You,” here he had to blink back tears, “you’ve done enough. Retracin’ steps and leading us in circles. You know I wouldn’t stop you, not say a word against it, if, i-if... But darlin’, Eli, if we don’t stop…”

She’d die.

Her eyes fluttered shut. Eli wasn’t stupid. She knew the unspoken words in Rick’s mouth. The promise and threat of continuing on at the cost of herself. A year ago, hell, six months ago, she’d have done it. Would have laid down her life for these men she’d come to call family. A lover, a son… She’d have killed herself to get them somewhere safe. But it wasn’t a year ago and right now, right now it wasn’t just her. A bitter smile twisted at her lips. God, how alike she and Daryl really were. Willing to die, _wanting_ to die, when the simplest solution was to live. To rest. Be selfish and recover for just a fleeting moment before diving head first into the fray.

_Okay_

A whisper of sound, the striking of a match, four hands pulling her up and out of the car. Away from dusty seats and murky water. Into light and warmth and more love than she’d ever really thought she deserved.

“We’re gonna be alright Eli.”

Carl’s voice was scratchy, rough with disuse and not enough water. But he was alive. Eyes bright and cheeks darkened by the heat of the fire he’d built for them. Rick watched him. His son was growing up. Making choices to benefit the group when it would be easier to just stay put. Let someone else take the lead.

He looked at Eli. The woman who’d been through so much hell. But she laid it on the line. Every damn day. Stopping wasn’t an option for her, not in her blood, even when half of it was soaking into the dirt.

And he looked to himself. Too tight skin, limping around with half shattered bones and a broken heart. Rick wasn’t even a quarter of the man he’d hoped to be. But at the same time, he was more than he’d ever imagined. He lost _everything_. Every single damn thing that he’d once loved had been ripped from him, some way or another. But he’d found his way back. Followed his heart back to Carl and Judith. He found Daryl and Eli once before. The hope he’d clung to all these years had lead him to a family. And damn it, he’d chase it all the way home.

“I’m proud of us.”

Carl and Eli reached for his hands.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They were sleeping. Curled together around the dying coals of their fifth or sixth fire. It could have been the twelfth. Eli was the first to wake.

It wasn’t so much that she’d heard a sound. Nightmares constantly plagued her, shards of Daryl’s face, the piercing cry of Judith’s small voice. At first she thought it was that. A nightmare that hadn’t quite managed to burn itself into her mind and memory. But as she lay there, it became abundantly clear that this wasn’t the case.

Silence. The sounds of the night, predawn and birds waking were absent. Walkers? She listened hard. There were moans, soft and distant that called to each other. Not close, not a threat, but the light of their fire might bring them near. Better then to dispatch them before they wandered too close. Eli’s bones protested but she pulled herself to her feet. This would be their third day of ‘rest’ as Rick was calling it. Carl had done some hunting to keep them fed, scavenging water when he could. She smiled fondly. The boy deserved to sleep, Rick too, she decided while surveying his even breathing. Eli could handle a couple of walkers.

After a moment’s indecision she grabbed the gun. At most she’d be gone a few minutes and she didn’t want Rick to worry. If he woke up before she was back, he’d feel better that she had a good weapon. Well, that’s what Eli told herself as she left the road and headed into the woods.

Annoyance was more prevalent than worry. Walkers were becoming something more of a nuisance these days than a terror. Time was beginning to take its toll on their bodies. Skin that was leathery from exposure was beginning to soften. Rot and decay slowly eating down to muscle and making them stumble. It was a matter now of finding the dead just to shut them up. No more running from their eery groans.

Yeah, Eli was a bit grumpy. Sleep had made her spoiled and having to leave the comfort of her family made her skin crawl.

The feeling persisted.

Something was wrong.

Eli was given half a moment to gasp before a knife was pressed tight to her throat.

“Gotcha, little mouse.”

She whimpered.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

Rick’s eyes popped open the moment Eli reached the treeline. Her presence something he was so in tune to that he couldn’t help but feel her leave. Through the gloom he could just make out the shadow of his python in her grip. A smile ghosted his lips. She wasn’t stupid. It might have left him and Carl unprotected, but it meant she’d be back in a few minutes. Besides, Carl had decided to camp out in the car tonight. The fire was warm, but the car had ‘climate control’, as he called it. No wind, no bugs.

A sigh masquerading as a laugh breathed from his mouth. Well, he was awake now. Might as well wait for his lover to return. Maybe once she did they could…

The line of thought died.

A gun slid smoother than a kiss to his skull. It took all of one heartbeat to figure out that the python pressing to his head wasn’t held by Eli.

“Well look what we’ve got here boys.”

Rick’s eyes widened fractionally. Fear had him frozen, unable to react as four more figures peeled away from the treeline. A particularly grotesque man edged over to the side of the car. To Carl. Rick shook violently, an expletive on the tip of his tongue.

“Ah, ah, ah.” The man behind him nudged his head just to the left. “Don’t move now, wouldn’t want Tony over there to slip.”

Rick’s chest heaved. Eli was caught tight in the grasp of Tony. He was big, no doubt, thick muscles bunching the fabric of his jacket. All the same, Eli should have been able to take him.

She wasn’t moving.

The blood rushing through Rick’s head made him slow. It took far too many blinks to see the knife pressed tight to her throat. She _couldn’t_ move. Barely breathing, nostrils flaring with the effort of sucking in air too fast to function. The absence in her eyes was terrifying. His Eli was gone. Unable to fight, brought to ruins by a blade brought to the neck. A weakness he’d never thought she’d have.

“Let’er go,” he slurred, teeth grit so tight it hurt.

“Well you see, that’s where we’ve got a bit of a dilemma. See your girl over there, Eli,” Rick jerked at her name, the gun burrowing deeper into his temple, “she killed our friend Lou.”

Grunts and a show of rotten teeth from the men assembled agreed with Joe’s statement. Rick couldn’t move. By now the monster by Carl was making quite a show. The scrape of a knife on glass sent shivers up Rick’s spine. Nothing quite prepared him for the look of absolute terror on Carl’s face as he was pulled from the vehicle. His eyes flicked around. Rick whimpered.

There was a disturbance at the treeline.

Two men flicked guns up, lowering them slowly as recognition colored their faces.

“Daryl,” Joe called out, jovial and commanding all rolled into one, “come and see what we’ve caught.”

The hunter’s mouth was parted in disbelief. Rick could only stare. Accusation, relief, pain, fear, desperation all poured from his eyes. Daryl was walking towards the middle of the scene as if underwater. The slightest stumble of step had Joe’s gaze narrowing. His grip on Rick tightened. A slight nod to Tony pressed the knife deeper into Eli’s scarred neck. Carl sobbed.

“Joe, Joe. I know these people,” Daryl took a step towards the man. “They’re good people, the ones I lost from before.”

A smile twisted up the man’s face, morphing rapidly into a sneer.

“Good people? You wanna run that by me again?”

Something wasn’t right. Daryl hadn’t seen this side of the group before. He held his palms up, crossbow hanging heavy around his throat.

“Come on, Rick, Rick’s a good man. He’s been raisin’ Carl over there by himself. And Eli-”

“Oh we know all about Eli.”

Tony’s voice cut through Daryl’s failing attempts to convince Joe to let his people go. Joe gave Tony a nod of approval. His chest swelled up with pride, the blade drawing blood at last. Eli gave a half-hearted shudder.

“You ain’t the first son of a bitch we’ve picked up. Was a time when Eli ran with us. Followed the rules fine enough. Can’t _lie_ if ya can’t talk, right? Except, for one little thing. Lenny and me, we claimed a couple pieces of meat we ran across. That’s the rules, you claim it, it’s yours. But see, this little bitch,” he twisted the edge deeper into her, “didn’t like that none. Writes on her little pad of paper that people can’t get claimed.”

“And I,” Joe interrupts, “said they can. As you well know, Daryl, my word is law. But Eli, little mouse, snuck into where my boys kept their claims. Broke their necks in the night, was gone before the sun rose. Now that… that is a no no.”

Daryl panicked. Joe was right, to break one of his rules was to forfeit your life. But maybe, maybe if he could just-

“Take me instead.”

Joe stared at him incredulously. Daryl licked his lips, eased himself a step closer. Off came the crossbow and up went his hands again.

“You want blood, you can have it. I say these people are good people. What Eli did to those people, I’ll take that.”

“Oh,” Joe laughed. “You’ll take it.”

A whistle from him and two men grabbed Daryl. The first slammed his gun into the hunter’s stomach, the second pulling him back upright for more. Rick struggled.

“Oh no, don’t you make a move,” Joe leaned down, resting his lips against Rick’s ear. “See, I hate it when people interrupt me. Daryl over there, you’d think he’d know that by now. Guess not. Daryl was a little late to the party, so he doesn’t know that those two people ain’t the only thing Eli’s done. You and me, we know she killed our dear friend Lou. Snapped his neck just like she’d done those two claims. Daryl’s gonna pay, that’s for damn sure. But so’s Eli. So’re you.”

Joe grinned now, the hair on his face scraping against Rick’s cheek.

 

**~Rape allusion~**

 

“Dan over there, he’s gonna rape your boy,” Carl was crying, openly struggling to get out from beneath the behemoth of a man. “And Tony, Tony there’s been itching to sink his dick into little Eli ever since she joined up with us. So he’s gonna rape her too. Billy and Harley are gonna beat Daryl to death, stomp his fucking head in and piss on his brains. And you. You’re gonna watch. Once it’s all done, once you’ve seen everyone you care about die, in terrible, _horrible_ , ways, then… then I’ll kill you.”

Rick listened. He took it all in. Felt the words form a fire in his gut and shook with the heat of it. The sound of Daryl’s muffled cries, Carl’s sobbing, Eli’s ragged silence. Time slowed down with that barrel pressed to his skull. All his helplessness boiled up and out. Half a second went by before his head slammed backwards. No doubt crushing the nose of Joe, he also deafened himself. The blast of the gun going off rocked his world sideways, body falling away against his will.

Had to get up.

Had to get up.

_Rick, get the fuck up!_

He screamed at himself. His knees tucked underneath, eyes barely catching Eli blinking back to reality. Rick staggered to his feet. Unable to focus on anything other than his balance he lost himself.

Arms wrapped around his torso and squeezed. The joints along his body cracked and groaned, Joe’s face swimming in front of him.

He was speaking.

No doubt threatening.

Noise rushed back in all at once. Carl was still screaming, Daryl howling and Rick just…

Blood flooded his mouth. Shocked eyes and a spray of hot liquid set him on a new path of daze. The sound of boots on skin stopped. Dan’s heavy breathing was suspended.

A flip. Sound was back, reversed, sped up and more violent than ever. Two gunshots dispatching Daryl’s attackers. The wet squelch of a blade entering an eye from Eli’s end. Gravel over skin while Dan dragged Carl upright. Carl, his boy, _his son_.

Dan was speaking, begging even. Rick didn’t care. At the last second the man threw Carl aside and put out a placating hand.

Rick pierced it. Blade to the palm, then to the sternum.

He gutted him.

A sick pull and the spill of intestines against his boots. The smell of unwashed flesh and shit mixed with the copper of blood flooded him.

It’d be days before he realized it.

 

He hadn’t blinked once.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K so no beta still. It's a pretty short chapter but one I've been dreading to write. Mostly I was worried about Carl and stuff, I don't want things to be graphic, especially with a kid. I'm gonna add rape/non-con to the warnings, but specify non-graphic so future people will be aware. 
> 
> There's gonna be a chapter where they deal with the fallout of what just friggin happened, cuz it's a bit much to deal with. There's prolly gonna be a split in the chapter like this one had to swap between perspectives a little. 
> 
> Also, man oh man, Eli just can't catch a fucking break, am I right? Girls like a zombie
> 
> Happy Easter


	87. Broken V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl is left to figure out where he stands in the aftermath of the Claimers. 
> 
> Can things ever be reconciled?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while people, and I'm not promising it won't be another while for more, but I'm gonna do my best for y'all!

_ Gravel rolled sharp into his boot heel.  _

_ Sun burning hot through the early morning haze to singe his battered skin. The bruises of yesterday illuminated in the light. _

_ Reality was distant and foreign to Daryl. His eyes unfocused and trying so hard to take in what lay before him. Rick was there. An absence in his face that the hunter had never seen. Blue eyes rimmed red, cracks and crevices etched into his cheeks so fond of laughter and love now filled with remnants of crumbling blood.  _

_ He swallowed. _

_ “Rick…” _

_ Daryl bit the inside of his lips enough to bruise. He could tell. He could see it in Rick’s face that the man didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to acknowledge the lover who had left weeks ago. So he waited. Held himself still in a limbo that would decide whether or not Rick would have him back. Would have him again. When the man reached for him at last it was with shaking fingers, a desperate brush of flesh on knuckles split. It was enough. _

_ “Rick, I,” Daryl shuddered, falling to his knees, “I’m so sorry. Didn’t know, didn’t think they were like that.” _

_ He didn’t answer. The hunter wondered briefly if his sanity had fled along with his humani-No! Daryl screamed denial into his own mind. Rick wasn’t gone. Wasn’t lost or destroyed by the horrors of last night. He’d nearly managed to convince himself of it too before a shrill sound tore from Rick’s mouth. Daryl’s brow pulled painfully downward, shame and resignation clouding his features.  _

_ Maybe it was too late. _

_ “Here.” _

_ His head snapped up. Guarded eyes searching Rick’s face. Had he spoken? Was it possible he’d imagined it? That was a hell of a beating he’d taken, it’d come as no surprise if a few screws had been knocked loose.  _

_ “C’mere.” _

_ Ice met ocean and all his fears drowned. Daryl crawled to him, hands and knees until they were one body, long limbs and broken bones tangled up together. Trembling arms clung tighter than ever before. If the hunter had any tears left to cry, he would have.  _

_ “I didn’t know, didn’t think that they-” Daryl’s breath hitched violently, Rick burrowed his nose deeper into the crevice of his neck. “I knew they were bad people, but, but I just. Rick, I le-left you and Eli and Carl and Judith. What kind of person does that? Gets up and leaves their family. I thought, I thought that maybe I- I didn’t like the person I’d become and I thought maybe Joe and his rules would get my head straight. Rick, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” _

_ Apologies spilled out of him in ways he didn’t think they could. Sorries for leaving, for giving no explanation or warning. For ignoring Eli’s premonition of destruction. For running with a group that got off on taking and claiming whatever they pleased. As if they had any right to do that. As if he had any right to do that. Every confession was another string being snapped. Tension he’d held taught in his body was releasing and he barely had the strength to keep himself upright.  _

_ Still. Rick held him.  _

_ Not the comforting embrace Daryl had been hoping for, but the firm one he needed. The one he deserved. There are things you don’t come back from, things you can’t be forgiven for and if this was one of those things then he’d take this one last memory. One last moment spent in Rick’s arms before the darkness inside of him- _

_ “You’re not bad.” _

_ Those three words were a light that outshone every black cloud in his head. They tore down every wall he’d built inside himself that kept him locked away. Blocked out the broken ribs and fractured bones.  _

_ How? How could he possibly believe that Daryl wasn’t bad? That he wasn’t a terrible, horrible beast of a man just like his daddy had been all those years ago? Hands pushed him upright. Fingers that made him shudder, made him shiver in all the good-bad-wrong-perfect ways that they always had cradles his face.  _

_ “You didn’t know. You couldn’t see what they were.” _

_ “But Rick,” there was no excusing it, no way to explain exactly what Daryl had been so blind to, "I-” _

_ “You. Are not. Bad.” _

_ He resigned himself to Rick’s wisdom.  _

_ Because the man was right. _

_ He knew that. _

_ Knew in his heart of hearts that he was a good man. Broken and battered, yes, but certainly not bad. _

_ “I was so, I couldn’t find ya. Any of you,” he took a deep breath. “I went back. To the prison. An’ I found, there were some of our people, Rick. I-I had to check-” _

_ “I know.” _

_ Daryl shook his head. He didn’t know, couldn’t possibly know what that had been like for the hunter. He hadn’t been gone that long, but things can unravel in a split second these days. If he’d been at the prison, maybe they would have won. Maybe Hershel, Axel, everyone they lost wouldn’t be dead right now. And maybe, maybe it wouldn’t have changed a damn thing. Maybe him being there would have been one more distraction on the battlefield that cost him his life. Or Eli’s, or Carl’s. Either way he had to get it out, every single thing he’d felt needed to be laid bare before Rick or it would eat him alive. _

_ “Couldn’t find you, not in the yard-Rick, Rick there’s so many of our people.” Something gruff edged into his throat, his lover’s thumb sliding slow against the lump there. “So many of ‘em are never gonna come back. An’ Hershel, Hershel was-Maggie, did she see ‘im? Did she hafta see her daddy die like that?” _

_ He searched Rick’s face. He searched it like a dying man seeking water in the vastness of the desert. But the man gave nothing away. Blank and endless, eyes of frozen ice that could offer no comfort. _

_ “I don’t know Daryl.” _

_ The hunter drew a shaking breath. _

_ “Found Axel first. Carol, she liked him. Shoulda tried harder to get ta know him, but,” his voice cracked, “but it’s too late now. Next was Oscar-” _

_ He broke off, the memory too raw to continue. _

_ “‘M sorry Daryl,” the press of Rick’s forehead to his own gave him strength. _

_ “Must’ve hurt so bad,” he whispered. “Ta die like that.” _

_ “No, no it didn’t hurt. I didn’t let it.” _

_ Daryl swallowed back a torrent of grief. Ever the hero. Always the man willing to get blood on his hands for their people. Their family. And all the while Daryl played the villain. Running away when things got tough and joining up with a group of men that had almost- _

_ “I shouldn’t have left.” _

_ For a long time neither of them spoke. The hunter was too ashamed to raise his gaze from the mask Rick wore. The blood on his lips was macabre, a reminder that what had happened would stay with them forever. A stain. Daryl wanted nothing more than to wash it away, wipe the crimson flakes from his filthy skin.  _

_ Remove the mask and see if the man he loved was still there, hidden beneath it all. _

_ “No, you shouldn’t have.” _

_ But he was gone. _

_ “But you did.” _

_ Never coming back. _

_ “And you’ll never leave us again.” _

_ The cool barrel of Rick’s python eased against his temple as a grin stretched across his blood stained lips.  _

_ Ice, fire, and then nothing at all. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dunnnnn
> 
> Next chapter posted in like two minutes after I post this one so don't lose hope!


	88. The Strings That Bind Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But what really happened the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON"T FREAK OUT!
> 
> Of course I can't kill my boy, but the sadist in me offed him while I was writing that last segment and it was too juicy to pass up.  
> It was a nightmare tho, don't fret, don't fret. 
> 
> I'm super hoping I manage to make that clear (thus this disclaimer)

They wake together, yet apart. It’s possible they never fell asleep in the first place. There are...flashes, of the night previous. Each memory is painted more vividly than the one before, each a darker shade of pain. 

The sky isn’t even light yet. Hazy edges of sunlight lay frothing on the horizon but it’s cool still, like they’re locked in early winter. Like the world is frozen. 

Eli can swear she can see her own breath. It’s misting the air and drifting down to lay pleading kisses onto the matted head that hasn’t once lifted from her lap. 

Carl is a ghost. One who neither breathes nor speaks. A steady stream of tears is pooling in the fabric of Eli’s pants. But what could she do? There’s nothing she could say to make it better, even if Carl had a mind to blink his half dead eyes and listen. 

Rick hasn’t moved. He’s pressed against the tire of the car the holds his son locked away from him. Fabric and shirts torn from would be murderers, could have been rapists, cocooning the one person that had kept him sane in the weeks they’d been gone. He might have laughed at the irony. But it wasn’t funny. Nothing was.

Daryl was broken. Each inhale pulled at his cracked ribs, every heartbeat pulsing in his temple. The metallic taste of a phantom bullet pressed to the inside of his teeth. Though he couldn’t bring himself to move, he knew he had to get up. Get away from the ground that was a traitor. Traitorous in its sweet embrace that turned to razor blades, cutting and splicing his memories with with nightmares and supplying new fuel to a paranoia that had only ever grown stronger as he grew older. 

And it isn’t just them. 

Fragmented. 

There are pieces of what was left to remind them of what had happened. Of what didn’t happen. What nearly came to be. 

Smoke, a half mile away and thinning now. The place he and Rick had dragged the bodies of the Claimers. Apologies and forgiveness exchanged over the burning pyre they’d left to distract the walkers.

A shoe. Lost by Carl in the struggle. When he was almost-a collective shudder ran through the group, hearts skipping a beat as if they were one body. One broken soul. It was abandoned now, the shoe. Maybe they’d never pick it back up again.

The car. A constant reminder of their own stupidity. Had they taken refuge inside, maybe they would have been safe. Maybe Daryl would have reached the group before Joe had managed to get inside. Maybe Eli wouldn’t have been locked in her own mind at the touch of a knife to her throat. Maybe they would have been okay.

But then there was now. 

Daryl pulled himself upright. Vertigo threatened to take him back down to the earth, a splitting headache that spoke anthems to how much abuse he’d taken. Sharp stones dug into his palms, a stark reminder that this was real. Not his punishing dream, this. Rick. He had to get to Rick. The nightmare he’d left behind was painfully less horrific than the one he had woken up to. Death at the hands of his lover would have been a mercy at this point.

“Here,” Daryl’s voice catches on the word, a rag held out to wipe the filth from off Rick’s face.

The older man gave a halfhearted dismissal. Daryl tightened his jaw.

“You can’t see yourself, but he can.”

All it took was one subtle nod towards the car for Rick to ruefully accept his offering. He scrubbed hard at his beard. Though red bled into the rag, his stubble held fast to the stain. Daryl crouched before him. The smallest flicker of a wince was all that betrayed the pain that simple movement brought him.

“Let me.”

Cool cloth smoothed over his too hot skin. Trust their roughest redneck to have the gentlest touch, even now after everything that had happened. Rick let his mask crumble in his grasp.

“I-I don’t know what to-”

“Sh,” the hunter exhaled carefully. “We ain’t gotta think of that now. Right now we gotta go. Smoke’s blowin’ our way now an’ walkers’ll be here soon.”

“But Dare,” Rick’s voice was a whisper, “how can I ever look him in the eye again? After what I did, after what almost happened to him…”

Daryl’s nostrils flared. That memory was all too present behind his eyelids. Every time he blinked he saw that whale of a man with Carl clutched tight to his body. 

“It’s done. We gotta keep movin’ Rick. Carl’s a tough kid, you know that. It’s gonna take time and things ain’t gonna be easy, but we have ta keep moving.”

It looked like Rick wanted to fight. It wasn't fair. Wasn't right to ask Carl to up and leave after he'd experienced something so horrifying and how could the hunter even suggest such a thing? But... they couldn't stay here. His lip quivered and brow edged downwards at the truth Daryl was burying him under. The hunter was softer now. His expression kind.

“He’s not gonna want to stay here much longer.” Daryl was a murmur that Rick felt more than heard. “We have to push on and find our people. Judith, Maggie, Beth, all of ‘em. They can help us.”

“Judith’s not-”

“We ain’t sure about nothin’ yet,” Daryl cut Rick off before he could begin. “I feel her. In my heart I feel that she ain’t gone yet, an’ neither are we. We ain’t ashes Rick.”

The men outside fell into silence. The last remnants of blood were wiped clean from Rick’s skin and the hunter laced their bruised fingers together.

“Love you Daryl.”

He swallowed back the guilt Rick’s words brought forth. 

“I love you too.”

Inside the car, Eli clung tighter to her boy. They’d heard every word, each exchange between the men outside and it seemed to have triggered something in Carl. He let out a soft whimper. The first sound he’d made since the incident had occurred and frankly the only sign Eli had that he hadn’t completely checked out. He rolled over and blinked up at her.

_ -Love?- _

Eli stupidly, selfishly, wanted to ask if he was okay. No. Of course not. She wanted to know his thoughts but doubted he even knew what was going on in his head.

_ -Not ready.- _

She nodded. 

_ -Not ready to leave or something else?- _

_ -Something else.- _

That was enough. She wouldn’t press him and her lovers knew better than to come in the car uninvited. After the events of last night, she’d barely managed to pull them to safety at all. 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ The moment Tony’s blade caught her throat Eli was gone. Transported back to years ago. Seventeen again and terrified, locked in the embrace of a mother who loved her, she loved her right? Loved her more than anything.  _

_ But she knew that if she moved, if she made a noise or protested in the slightest she’d have to pay for it. Mama loved her but mama was so very sick. Sick in the head. Sick in the hand. Sick and slick as the blade that was pressing tighter to her windpipe.  _

_ Eli knew that they were walking but not where. There was the smell of trees and wet earth but that meant- Her breath hitched. No. No not again. Pain flared in her shoulder. The ghost of a tent stake shoved through her body and meant to trap her. She couldn’t do it again. It had been too much to handle the first time. There is a threshold in your mind for pain and once it’s surpassed, your mind wipes the memory. That which once threatened to kill you can’t be remembered.  _

_ But oh. _

_ She remembered. _

_ And she wouldn’t survive it a second time.  _

_ Still… _

_ If Eli could stay very, very still then maybe her mother would leave her be. Eyes flashing with regret and more pressure against her throat. Iron tainted the air. Ice laced with fire spread a line along her neck.  _

_ A gunshot. _

_ A gun? Mama never had a- _

_ The illusion popped like an infected blister immediately. Faster than falling, the real world came rushing up to meet her.  _

_ Tony had her, not her mother.  _

_ Her mother was gone. Gone for years now. _

_ With that in mind, Eli slammed her skull into the man’s sternum. They grappled for the knife to the sounds of Daryl being kicked to death. Carl was screaming somewhere to her right. Her hand wrapped around the blade only moments before the world fell silent once more.  _

_ Eli took it. _

_ She took that stunned silence to spare a fleeting glance at the flesh lodged in Rick’s teeth, Joe bleeding out like the animal he was on the ground. Without a second thought she flipped the knife pointy end out and slammed it into Tony’s eye. Two more gunshots from Daryl’s direction. _

_ There was no time. She couldn’t look. Bleeding palms and leaking throat she stumbled her way towards Carl.  _

_ Dan wasn’t looking at her. _

_ He was looking at Rick.  _

_ Eli kept her eyes locked on Carl when he was thrown to the ground. Didn’t spare a glance when Dan started screaming. Pulled her boy, her  _ son _ out of the dropzone for that beast’s entrails. She didn’t take her eyes off him for one second. _

_ The blood on her palm soaked into his hair but he didn’t seem to mind. The way he buried his face in the corner of her shoulder, the wet breaths that seeped into her skin-Carl was past caring. She murmured against his crown. _

_ Don’t look. Don’t look. _

_ She pulled them away and towards the car. His face never left her. She didn’t look back, not even once they were safely inside. It seemed pointless but she took the time to lock every door except the one they were leaned against. Small comforts. Carl had started shaking. _

_ “Shh,” she had soothed him through the shock. “Shh, sh.” _

_ Eli pulled the shirt off his back, Carl a limp puppet for her to care for. Off came her ever present sweater to cover his flesh covered in bruises and goosebumps. Not now, but later Carl would be grateful. _

_ She recalled she'd been unable to wear the clothes she’d worn the day her mother’s boyfriend had attacked her. _

 

_ Eli didn’t let him go once. _

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Eli?”

She started, not expecting Carl's voice.

_ -Yes?- _

“I’m ready now.”

The woman took a deep breath to abate the tears. Here was a boy, wrapped tight in her heavily scarred arms with his heavily scarred heart. There was a darkness in his eyes. A haunting look that hadn’t been there back at the prison, not when their people were murdered, not when they’d lost Judith. 

It was a look she knew well. 

 

She saw it everyday in her reflection. 

 

_ -Let’s go.- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Edit Note-Holy Crap guys, I just realized this is the last chapter of this "book" OH MAN! There is more to come, most likely two more books tho the second one is either going to be fairly short or just absorbed by the third book. BUT HOLY CRAP! We did it! We reached the end! There's gonna be more and now that this book is closed I'm pumped to work on the next one. I'll post as soon as I'm able BUT BE SO EXCITED WITH ME!-End Edit Note-
> 
>  
> 
> Phew,
> 
> No one we love is dead...yet
> 
> *cackles*
> 
> I know these have been a couple of short chapters but I've been stumped here for literal months and only just figured out how to segue out of this crappy crap. Also I wanted to kind of explain Eli's moment of absence in relation to the PTSD she's got from her mama. I do not have PTSD so I apologize if this is way out of whack. I just wanted her to be locked in the memory of what had happened in a distorted sort of way.
> 
> I love y'all. Thank you for your loyalty through all my bullshit.
> 
> ~ModernElectricity


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